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When it comes to culture and happiness across the globe, what makes people happy in some countries may surprise or even shock you. And, as Dee Marques discovers, some cultures even believe that pursuing happiness can only be a bad thing. Happiness. It's easy to think that it's a universal emotion. But is it really? In reality, cross-cultural research suggests the opposite. The relationship between different cultures and happiness is far from simple and can vary enormously from country to country. In fact, in some parts of the world happiness is not necessarily a desirable state. For example, in Chinese culture, funerals are a happy occasion and preparing for them can generate levels of enthusiasm that would be hard to understand in the West. In this culture, people go to great lengths to prepare their funeral, choosing the clothes they'll wear, finding matching shoes and jewellery, planning the meals that will be served, etc. From a Western point of view, it would be easy to think they're preparing for a wedding instead! This example from China is just one of many examples that show how happiness in different cultures is interpreted and experienced. In this article we’ll take a look at the fascinating concept of happiness from a cross-cultural point of view, since learning more about happiness in different cultures can help us understand better our own pursuit of contentment. Happiness in different cultures: what makes people happy? The more we learn about how happiness is understood across cultures, the more we realise that it's never straightforward to find common ground between different cultures and their well-being and joy. Culture clash: the meaning of happiness in China is different Pixabay/vutrongtien This subject has drawn the attention of researchers for decades. For example, surveys like Pew’s Ladder of Life and The World Values Survey try to measure life satisfaction and well-being at a global level. Year after year, the United Nations' World Happiness Report ranks countries according to their happiness levels and tries to understand what makes people happy. All these surveys and reports offer interesting insights into the ‘ingredients’ of happiness across cultures. And while it's important to remember that there’s no standard recipe, the findings suggest that there are pretty much two ways of understanding and experiencing well-being and happiness: the Western and the non-Western way. Culture and happiness: East vs West In Western societies, income and wealth are often considered important factors when it comes to achieving happiness. But does that mean that less well-off people are doomed to be unhappy? Not necessarily. • JOIN US! Find new friends from different cultures around the world! • In fact, some studies show that in Eastern countries poor people are actually happier, possibly because in those cultures happiness is closely associated with factors other than income and material possessions, such as personal relationships. It's also interesting to note how happiness levels seem to decline as developing countries become wealthier, as is the case in India, where people reported being less happy as their income levels grew. “While happiness exists in all cultures, its meaning and the way it's experienced vary enormously: what makes people happy in one country and can be different in another.” However, a country’s development levels are not the only factor. Take two developed nations, like the United States and Japan, and you'll still see differences in how happiness is perceived. In the USA, freedom and personal achievement are strong factors in the construction of happiness, whereas in Japan, the concept is linked to good luck, moderation and social harmony. This suggests that cultural values are important if we want to understand how people in different cultures find happiness. RELATED: Money can't buy happiness Among those cultural values, family ties and social roles are top priorities for happiness in different cultures. Strong human connections and interpersonal relationships are important in places like Switzerland, Iceland and Australia, just as much as they are in East Asian countries or in Latin America. Moreover, global studies confirm that happiness is built up of different blocks, and that the five most common “building blocks” (aside from income) are having social support, a healthy life expectancy, freedom and being surrounded by an environment of trust and generosity. Defining happiness through language The variation in how happiness is experienced across different cultures is also evident in language. Words like ‘happiness’ and ‘happy’ carry different connotations in Eastern and Western cultures and can't always be directly translated. Family is key to happiness in many cultures shutterstock/Monkey Business Images For example, Mandarin has multiple words for “happiness” that aren't a perfect equivalent to the English concept, since they can mean anything from “good mood” to “having meaning in life” or “having a good life”. In fact, in Mandarin, happiness is also defined as “having a good death”, which would be rather unthinkable in English-speaking cultures! RELATED: Which cultures make you happy? It might depend on where you live The way happiness is defined in different languages also points at how differently it's experienced across cultures. For instance, the Danish concept of 'lykke' is translated as 'happiness', but has very little to do with the way happiness is experienced in the United States, where it involves a state of celebration. Similarly, the word for 'happiness' in Hong Kong's Cantonese is linked to low arousal states and its meaning is closer to 'calm' or 'relaxation' rather than to celebration. What makes people happy: the pursuit of joy The factors contributing to happiness in different cultures are not the only thing that varies, since people's attitude towards happiness varies too. For most of us, pursuing happiness is a given, and we may make changes to our lives as part of that pursuit. But, in fact, happiness is not universally pursued in such an active way. For example, people in Eastern cultures like China, Japan and Taiwan don't strive for happiness. In fact, they may actually be averse to the idea because they believe they'll be faced with misfortune if they do so. This is linked to cultural beliefs, like the idea that opposites go hand-in-hand or that having too much of a good thing will be punished. “Cultural values are important if we want to understand how people in different cultures find happiness. Among those cultural values, family ties and social roles are top priorities for happiness in different cultures.” In other cultures, happiness is associated with luck or chance, so people may see no reason to actively pursue it as a goal. This is the case in Russia, Germany, France and Norway, where perceptions differ from the US concept of happiness, where it's seen as a human right worth pursuing. In other cases, pursuing individual happiness may cause conflict with other values, like preserving social harmony, so it's less important to chase it. Culture and happiness: conclusions Although all this may sound confusing, there's plenty to be learnt from the many shades of meaning taken by happiness in different cultures. While happiness exists in all cultures, its meaning and the way it's experienced vary enormously: what makes people happy in one country can be very different in another. Indeed, the symbols of happiness in different cultures vary too, and the same goes for how happiness is expressed or perceived. Neither the concept of happiness nor the factors that contribute to it are absolute or universal. • SIGN UP! Join our curious and caring community • This cultural approach to happiness is thought-provoking stuff. In fact, taking a multi-dimensional and cross-cultural approach can make us rethink how we go about finding our personal happiness, challenge our assumptions, and ultimately make the journey towards happiness much more diverse and satisfying. ● happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practice, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine ■ share and support in our happiness forum ■ self-develop with free online Academy classes Gratitude | Work life balance | Quality time Written by Dee Marques A social sciences graduate with a keen interest in languages, communication, and personal development strategies. Dee loves exercising, being out in nature, and discovering warm and sunny places where she can escape the winter.

Can following your bliss lead to greater happiness? Sonia Vadlamani discusses the common myths associated with following your bliss, and explains how it can be simplified into straightforward, actionable steps. “Follow your bliss and don’t be afraid... doors will open where you didn’t know they were going to be.” This inspiring advice was advocated by Joseph Campbell, a comparative religion and mythology expert, in his 1998 book The Power of Myth. While Campbell's ideology to derive happiness by doing something you love was visionary at the time, it also left many followers confused and frustrated. How do you even know what your bliss is, and would it mean you have to quit your day job and ignore other responsibilities in order to follow it? What is 'bliss' exactly? Originating from the German word ‘blithe’ – which translates as ‘superficial display of kindness to others’ – bliss refers to a sense of fulfillment and satisfaction derived when you do good for others. Bliss is what makes your otherwise mundane or meaningless life meaningful and gratifying. While several confuse bliss for something they like or are passionate about, the true essence of bliss ranges much further, in the form of the profound contentment or fulfillment derived from work done for others with integrity and honor. How does following your bliss lead to happiness? The term “follow your bliss” was coined by Joseph Campbell in the early 1950s, with a vision that was significantly different from the common perception that success and happiness resulted from hard work. Campbell based his principles on the Hindu mythological belief of “Sat-Chit-Ananda” – being one’s ‘true nature’ – wherein Sat referred to truth, Chit means consciousness and Ananda is the innate happiness or bliss. According to Campbell, knowing what brings us gratification and setting out to achieve it will enable us to fulfill our life’s purpose and attain our true state of consciousness. Indeed, there is substantial research to support the theory that happiness is the end result of how one chooses to spend their time, and whether they love doing what they do. Follow the rainbow, follow your bliss Following your bliss involves doing what brings you joy and doing it more often until it becomes an integral part of your life. This may enable you to find your ‘flow’ state, wherein you’re completely focused on the task at hand and derive happiness from it. Flow is an innately positive experience which creates long-lasting happiness, according to the researcher Mihaly Cziksentmihalyi. A qualitative study revealed that Campbell’s paradigms regarding following one’s interests can be applied at organizations as a framework to improve work satisfaction and career growth prospects, along with encouraging a more positive social environment at workplace. Following your bliss: 4 common myths Unfortunately, the wide-ranging implications of Campbell’s principles regarding following one’s bliss can be interpreted in different ways, creating ambiguity and dissatisfactory results for several people. Here we try to dispel some common myths associated with Campbell’s principles: Myth 1: Your bliss could be anything that excites you It’s understandably easy to confuse your ‘bliss’ with things or actions that bring you temporary happiness or short-lived pleasure. There’s a lot more to bliss than indulging in your favorite pastime, whether it's playing video games or guilty pleasures like a bite of your favorite chocolate. Ideally, following your bliss should involve pursuing ideas and activities that consequently fulfill and nourish your soul. Your ‘bliss’ could be something that you deeply connect with, that enables you to make a positive difference in others’ lives. Myth 2: Your bliss must be your main source of earnings While identifying and pursuing what your bliss entails, you may be compelled to think that following it must also be how you earn your living. Although this may be possible for some, not everyone can pursue fulfillment through their profession. Adversely, the obligation to seek bliss through your job may hamper your career growth. Gordon Marino, philosophy professor at St Olaf College asserts that one’s sense of satisfaction or their quest to lead a meaningful life need not reflect in their career choices or line of work. “Following your bliss should involve pursuing ideas and activities that consequently fulfill and nourish your soul.” Instead, look for things that bring you a sense of fulfillment, like volunteering, a part-time project that adds value to other people's lives, being kind and considerate to others – the core idea is to seek long-lasting joy through a positive impact. Myth 3: Following your bliss results in instant gratification Finding your bliss and pursuing it will require you to expand your awareness and tune into the direction your intuition is trying to steer you in. While others can guide you, there is no set path to following your bliss, and you may encounter hardships on this journey. Developing an abundance mindset helps – trusting that you understand what your bliss entails and you know how to achieve it can take you closer to manifesting your goals. Myth 4: Your bliss commands all your attention and commitment Pursuing your bliss is undoubtedly a challenge at times, as it may require you to step out of your comfort zone and explore the unknown. However, fulfilling your purpose does not mean shying away from your responsibilities or ignoring your commitments towards important things in your life. Following your bliss requires integrity on your behalf, as it involves seeking contentment while doing good for others consistently over time. Walking away from your day-to-day duties may threaten your credibility, which may affect your ability to follow your bliss. 5 steps for following your bliss So, knowing what finding and following your bliss doesn't have to involve, here are some suggestions to getting closer to that elusive state. 1. Stay aware The first step in being able to follow your bliss is knowing what bliss means to you. Consciously take notice of what brings you joy in life to pinpoint where your interests lie. Your bliss could be unearthed in the smallest, seemingly most trivial way, as well as in the biggest aspects of your life. Following your heart is crucial, as it allows you to utilize your intuitive abilities. Indeed, the simple act of trusting your intuition may result in serenity. Meditation can help a great deal in improving focus and concentration, taking you closer to tapping your internal source of bliss. As you expand your awareness, it’s important to listen to your inner voice and trust your instincts, so that you never lose an opportunity or idea that may potentially take you closer to following your bliss. 2. Create an action plan “Setting goals is the first step to turn the invisible to visible,” according to the renowned motivational speaker Tony Robbins. Furthermore, a study by Prof. Bettina S Wiese revealed that making progress through goal completion can also improve one’s sense of well-being, which means that following your bliss can also contribute towards greater personal happiness. “Finding your bliss and pursuing it will require you to expand your awareness and tune into the direction your intuition is trying to steer you in.” Start by goal setting one step at a time – listen to your inner voice and create an intention that supports the idea or direction that interests you. Trusting your instinct will also help you tackle potentially negative emotions like fear, stress, uncertainty, and anxiety, etc. Keeping a journal or vision board can be helpful in fine-tuning the right path of action that is in synergy with your interests and core strengths. 3. Share, synergize and support Sharing your goals, dreams and intentions with like-minded individuals will enable you to seek their honest feedback and input. Additionally, finding positive synergies between your areas of interest and your personal competencies can spark fulfilling collaborations and can help you to hone your skills. Forming support groups will also help you remain consistent with your efforts and put in the required work to follow your bliss. Create goals to help follow your bliss shutterstock/mimagephotography 4. Review goals periodically and revise While consistent action and determination are crucial for one to be able to achieve their bliss, sometimes our goals and ambitions shift or change with time. Your sustained actions towards achieving bliss would enable you to gather new knowledge, perspectives, and experiences, which may require you to take a break periodically to review your goals accordingly. RELATE: Changing perspective and gaining happiness Instead of feeling overwhelmed or blaming yourself for this shift in perspective, accept that this change is a part of life, and try gently altering your action plan to accommodate the changes in what your bliss currently involves. 5. Enjoy your journey Regardless of what your idea of bliss entails and what you wish to achieve, you also need to be able to have fun while you set out to follow your bliss, be it volunteering for a cause close to your heart or teaching someone a new language. Indeed, when you choose a goal that comprises of something close to your heart, the journey becomes enjoyable, which is the ultimate objective of following your bliss. Round up: finding your bliss According to Joseph Campbell, following your bliss is simply the act of letting your life speak wherein you recognize its purpose and set out to accomplish it to the best of your ability. Expanding your awareness using tools like creativity, intuition, and intelligence can help you unlock your inner bliss, which can attain the happiness you seek. • Main image: shutterstock/Forrest9 happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ learn with free online classes in our happiness Academy Purpose of life | Motivation | Learning | Success Written by Sonia Vadlamani Fitness and healthy food blogger, food photographer and stylist, travel-addict and future self journaler. Sonia loves to write and has resolved to dedicate her life to revealing how easy and important it is to be happier, stronger and fitter each day. Follow her daily pursuits at FitFoodieDiary or on Instagram.

We're busier in our jobs than ever before, so could mindfulness in the workplace help us to work more productively and calmly? Calvin Holbrook looks at mindfulness at work and shares six tips to stay present in our jobs. The modern workplace can be full of distractions: loud conversations, interruptions from colleagues, chat channels such as Slack, phone calls, meetings, presentations, mobile phones... and just the internet in general. There's always something that can take us away from the task we're working on. So how can we apply the principles of mindfulness to feel more present at work, as well as boost our productivity? Someone who knows about staying mindful on the job is Jutta Tobias PhD. She's a social psychologist with 20 years of work experience in organizational development and capacity-building. Dr Tobias researches and teaches personal development and leadership in collaboration with executive students and in a variety of organizations. Through her teaching and coaching, Tobias helps individuals develop their personal resilience and emotional intelligence. She works with groups to help improve their decision-making, overcome obstacles, and generate sustainable performance. Dr Tobias' current research focus is on establishing a scientific evidence base for linking mindfulness-based interventions with organizational transformation. Mindfulness at work We spoke with Dr Tobias about mindfulness at work and she offered some valuable insights: “In the last couple of years when I ask people how they are doing in their organisation, they’re no longer just saying they’re busy, they’re actually saying ‘I’m overwhelmed at work.’ “Or they’re now seeing business as the status quo, if not the hero status: ‘I’m busier than you!’ But it doesn’t necessarily make people more effective. And mindfulness practice and mindfulness as a state or a way of being, is a little bit the opposite or the antidote to moving fast to being busy. It’s actually about being.” .embed-container { position: relative; padding-bottom: 56.25%; height: 0; overflow: hidden; max-width: 100%; } .embed-container iframe, .embed-container object, .embed-container embed { position: absolute; top: 0; left: 0; width: 100%; height: 100%; } Video by Arlo Laibowitz Mindfulness at work: the studies Research into mindfulness in the workplace is fairly limited, although there are a couple of studies that appear to back its benefits. In a study conducted with Duke University, the insurance company Aetna had over 10,000 employees participate in a mindfulness or yoga class. Aetna found that among those who took part, there was an almost 30 per cent reduction in stress levels, a 20 per cent improvement in sleep quality and a 19 per cent reduction in pain. Participants also became more effective at work, gaining an average of 62 minutes per week of added productivity. The conclusion? Mindfulness at work resulted in a healthier and more effective workforce. “There's always something that can take us away from the task we're working on. So, how can we apply the principles of mindfulness to feel more alive and present at work?” Similarly, a study published in the Journal of Occupational and Environmental Medicine and reported on by Greater Good Science Center found benefits to mindfulness in the workplace. The research sought to determine whether an online mindfulness program created for the Dow Chemical Company, could reduce stress while simultaneously enhancing the well-being and resilience of employees. RELATED: Unhappy at work? Here are the six things you need to find Just under 90 participants completed scientific scales designed to measure their levels of stress, mindfulness, resiliency and vigor. They were then divided into two groups — one to take the online mindfulness class and one to join the wait list for it. The researchers came back six months later, just as the first group was finishing the class. And they found that, in fact, the group that took the class was doing a lot better than the group that hadn't yet taken the class – they were less stressed, more resilient, and more energetic. “This online mindfulness intervention seems to be both practical and effective in… enhancing overall employee well-being,” the researchers concluded. Six tips for staying mindful while working So, it seems there is some good evidence that being mindful in the workplace can make us happier and more productive. Even without a formal meditation practice, there are simple and practical steps you can take to give yourself a better chance of staying mindful and present while working. Here are six of the best: 1. Be email efficient New emails in our inbox have a habit of seducing us away from the task at hand to give them our undivided attention. Perhaps it’s because we’re not really enjoying our task so we're looking for an easy distraction. But it could also be because completing small, easily accomplished tasks like replying to an email releases dopamine, one of the happiness hormones, in our brains. However, in fact, answering mail throughout the day means we end up disrupting our focus from the task at hand. • JOIN US! Sign up to learn more about meditation and mindfulness • So, instead of answering email as soon as it pings into your inbox, be email efficient and allot dedicated periods of time to replying to messages. For example, use 30 minutes first thing in the morning to reply to any urgent mails you have, or wait until you have completed one of your major tasks. Apply mindfulness when opening your inbox and watch your productivity rise. Be mindful at work with deep breaths shutterstock/fizkies 2. Turn off pop-up notifications Just like emails, these take your attention away from the task at hand and distract you. Turn off all unnecessary notifications, and, instead, set your own mindfulness notification system with an hourly alarm on your phone during the day. Every hour when your phone pings, take a mindful breath or rub your hands together to become aware of your senses. It will help you come back into the present moment and refocus. Dr Tobias agrees. “The easiest and quickest instruction that I give to others and to myself is that practising mindfulness is all about coming to our senses, and it's a bit of a metaphor but it’s also a physical instruction: get in touch with my body: feel,” she told us. “I rub my hands together, and for a moment or two, notice the sensations in my fingers and my hand and that brings me back into the here and now. The people that now how to do this simple instruction and do it consistently are more present. And because they’re more present, they’re actually more satisfied.” RELATED: Mindful minutes – 10 small practices that make a big difference 3. Accept what you cannot change Acceptance lies at the heart of mindfulness. To be mindful means to accept this present moment just as it is. And it also means to accept yourself, just as you are at this present moment. It doesn’t mean giving up, but it does mean acknowledging how things currently are before trying to change anything. Making mistakes – big or small – at work happen all the time and we need to accept it when it happens instead of worrying. Here’s a workplace example, you made a huge typo in a social media post and can't change it or you went way over your planned budget. Firstly, you should accept that you ca cannot change it so you need to try to move on with the situation by learning from it. RELATED: How to show compassion at work Lack of acceptance can lead to denial of the fact or avoidance (trying to avoid the issue or skipping meetings with your supervisor) or even aggression (blaming someone else for the mistake or taking it out on others). Instead, try to accept the situation, talk to the necessary staffers involved and learn from your mistakes. Acceptance actually leads to change. Self-acceptance is even more powerful. It involves embracing all facets of yourself — your weaknesses, shortcomings, aspects you don’t like and those you admire. When you can accept yourself, you reduce energy-draining self-criticism. You’re then in a better place to enjoy your successes and laugh off your shortcomings. 4. Finish one task before you begin the next People often love to big up their multi-tasking abilities, but the truth is, nobody can actually multitask – trying to do two or more tasks at the same time and switching back and forth between them just isn’t efficient. “Being a single-tasker is more productive and a great way of seeing how much actual time – not including distractions – you spend on regular work activities.” Become a single-tasker by planning a time journal of your working day. Spend five minutes in the morning making a list of all the tasks you have to complete on any given day, then focus on completing one at a time, tracking the time you take for each. It’s more productive and is a great way of seeing how much actual time – not including distractions – you spend your time on regular work activities, which will help you plan your workload more efficiently in the future. 5. Mindfulness exercises You can train your brain to become more mindful by carrying out small mindfulness exercises. In a busy workplace, it’s probably not possible to take 30 minutes out to meditate, but that doesn’t mean you can’t be mindful at work: even a minute or two of simply taking time out to connect with yours senses and how you’re feeling can be classified as mindfulness. • JOIN US! Sign up today and make new friends at happiness.com • Take time out throughout the day to practice small mindfulness exercises in the office, for example, simply to sit upright and focus on your breath for a couple of minutes. Count on each exhalation and release any distractions by going back to focusing on your breathing. During times of high pressure in the workplace, practicing a short mindfulness exercise such as this breathing example can be a godsend. 6. Make meetings more mindful Work meetings are often seen as a necessary evil: they can be painful and unproductive if not managed correctly. But, by being mindful about meetings, you can even turn them into a highly useful and even enjoyable experience. Break to stretch and rub your hands shutterstock/TORWAISTUDIO Firstly, check in with yourself before a meeting. Notice what mental state you're in. Are you excited or frustrated and anxious? By becoming aware of your mental state, you have the chance to reconsider the state you want to be in for the duration of the meeting. If you take part in a state of appreciation or contribution, the impact will be much more positive than if you’re coming from a place of frustration or anger. If you find yourself getting stressed or tense in a meeting, try to focus on the breathing exercise mentioned before. Mindful meetings wrap up effectively and with firm intentions: What have we decided? Who is going to do what and by when? How can we resolve the issues we have agreed upon today? Also, wherever possible, any potential distractions should be removed from meetings, ie, no mobile phones! The takeaway: mindfulness at work Our workplaces are full of distractions that take our attention away from the job at hand. But research suggests that by being more mindful at work we can boost our productivity and reduce stress levels. If you regularly practice the mindfulness at work tips printed above, you should hopefully feel the benefits! ● Main image: shutterstock/pathdoc You might be interested in our other interviews around work. Watch Bodhin Philip Woodward on the impact of mindfulness and compassion in daily life, and our chat with the organizers of co-founders of the summit, Liz Hall and Luis San Martin. happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practice, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free now to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ self-develop with free online classes in our happiness Academy Anger management | Resilience | Leadership Written by Calvin Holbrook Calvin edits the happiness.com magazine, as well being an artist and travel lover. He also loves hiking, nature, swimming, yoga, sweaty dancing, and all things vintage!

Communicating better can help you achieve your goals and deepen your relationships. By JULIEN C. MIRIVEL on behalf of Greater Good Science Center. When I was 15 years old, I enrolled in a program to study English in what seemed like the middle of nowhere, also known as Iowa. Having grown up in France and Switzerland, I spoke zero English. In Iowa, I couldn’t understand what people were telling me, and I couldn’t express myself. I couldn’t connect with people, I couldn’t create interactions, I couldn’t build friendships. I faced some of the most difficult months of my life because I was in some ways mute, and in some ways deaf. But that experience taught me the most beautiful aspect of human communication. As I learned to speak, as I learned to listen, as I learned to connect, I was able to create a social network around me. It was human communication that set me free. RELATED: Mindful listening – six ways to improve conversational skills Fast forward to today, and I have spent my whole career researching and sharing what I know about effective ethical communication. Some questions that have animated my work include: what communication behaviors exemplify our best potential as humans? What are some small actions that will help us interact more effectively? What communication behaviors have a butterfly effect? Based on my research, I’ll share six concrete behaviors that you can enact in your life today to improve your communication. At work or at home, these tips can help you start to inspire and influence the people around you. They can help you grow and change yourself, allowing you to deepen your relationships and create a better social world around you. 1. Greet to create human contact In most people’s minds, communication is a mode of transmission: you have an idea to send out, and once the message is sent, you have accomplished the goal of communication. But communication is more than transmission; it’s also creation. It creates experiences and builds relationships. If we take away communication, we take away relationship. In fact, I would propose that when you communicate, you are doing the work of relationship. You are relating. The work of communication often starts with greeting, which is a simple but significant behavior: the moment when you initiate the process of making contact. One of the most disrespectful things a doctor can do when they meet with a patient is not greet them. When educators greet their students, it actually affects learning. And the best managers and leaders create opportunities for connection: they check on their employees and ask how they’re doing. They’re constantly in the process of building relationships. Positive communication is creative shutterstock/fizkes As part of the New Zealand Language at Work project, researchers studied over 500 emails from two organizations: one company that was experiencing a lot of conflict, low morale, and turnover, and another with a very positive culture. After looking closely, the researchers noticed something striking: In the organization where people did not get along, the emails sounded like this: The meeting is at 3:00 p.m. That’s it. But in the company where people were getting along, the emails sounded more like this: Hi everybody, Hope you are doing well. Looking forward to seeing you at our meeting on Friday at 3:00 p.m. Have a great week. Warmly, John The content is the same, but the little details that we add help us manage our connections with other people. Communication oils the social wheels; it is not just a mode of transmission. To put this into practice, try initiating contact with three people that you do not know very well, but who are stakeholders in your organization; they can be anybody in the organizational hierarchy. Greet them. Ask them how they’re doing; set up a Zoom call or a lunch; take a little bit of time to connect with them. If you practice this, then you’d be able to create deeper connections with people around you and expand your network of influence. 2. Ask to discover the unknown When we ask questions, we are going on a quest. We are putting ourselves in a position to discover more, to learn from a position of humility and curiosity. On a basic level, we can distinguish between closed-ended questions and open-ended questions. Closed-ended questions — “Do you like blue or yellow?” — tend to narrow and control human interaction. Open-ended questions, on the other hand, tend to expand and give people freedom to decide what to share and what not to share — like “Tell me about some of your favorite experiences in your life” or “What conversations have impacted you?” One way of improving your communication is to learn to flip your questions from closed-ended to open-ended. On annual reviews, for example, it’s very tempting to say, “Did you have a good year?” But what if we flip the script and ask, “What can we do to help you reach your potential? What can we do this year to serve you and help you grow?” I learned this from an organization called Performance Group Management in Little Rock, Arkansas. With those questions, not only was the organization able to retain their employees, but they were able to find ways of helping them grow internally and build what has been widely celebrated as a very positive culture. As another example, I do some research with Heifer International, which is trying to help create personal transformation in individuals around the world and help them end poverty in their own communities. Instead of asking, “Do you need help?,” they begin the process of change by asking people, “What are your dreams? What are your hopes?” 3. Compliment to affect people’s sense of self The single most important truth in the field of human communication is that what we say, what we do, affects people. It affects who they are, in the moment, and it affects who they become. I think a lot about this as the father of three young children. Complimenting is just one behavior among many that illustrates our capacity for affecting people in a positive way. Sometimes, when I do trainings, leaders ask me how many compliments they should give to get their staff to do what they want. But compliments should not be used in a robotic way. Instead, I am advocating for a way of being. Complimenting is the choice to affect who people are and who they become, their sense of self. In fact, research suggests that we underestimate how good compliments make people feel. “What we say, what we do, affects people. It affects who they are, in the moment, and it affects who they become.” What is the best compliment that you have ever received? What has someone said to you that has positively impacted you? In my research, we have found that often those moments come from leaders, managers, supervisors or teachers. When people we look up to say something about us that resonates, we take it in; we integrate it. To put this into practice and make your own mark, you can think of three people that you really value around you, and deliver a meaningful compliment to them about their strengths. Or you can send an email to your team and say, “I want to celebrate the work that you’ve done, the strength that you’ve shown, especially as we respond to a global pandemic.” Communicating positively is about being intentional. As a leader, a parent, a partner, or a friend, we can all choose to use our words to do a little good. 4. Disclose to deepen relationships The second important truth about communication is that the connection and closeness we feel with others is not a state that we can hold on to; it’s something we do. And the way we go about enacting this sense of love and collegiality is by the act of disclosure: revealing how we think, how we feel, and who we are in an authentic way. Not all disclosure has the same function, but it does have some common elements. First, the disclosure needs to be authentic. It has to reflect this congruency between what you feel on the inside, and what’s happening on the outside. It has to be communication that’s truthful, honest, and personal, that reflects what you think and what you value. It has to have integrity, and, more importantly, it has to be human. The more your experience can reflect our common humanity, the more it’s likely to resonate with other people when it’s spoken. Disclosure deepens relationships shutterstock/loreanto Research by Robert Ulmer, who is an expert in crisis communication at the University of Nevada, Las Vegas, suggests that when leaders practice open and honest disclosure, they’re able to respond much more effectively to crises. In one case he studied, Malden Mills CEO Aaron Feuerstein immediately responded to a fire affecting several manufacturing buildings by communicating openly and publicly with his stakeholders: “We’re going to continue to operate in Lawrence... We had the opportunity to run to the south many years ago. We didn’t do it then and we’re not going to do it now.” Being open and honest shows that we care about our stakeholders and want to learn from the crisis. To put this into practice, think of somebody that you can text right now to share that you’re grateful for them. Be open and be honest with them. You can just say, “I’m thinking of you, and I just wanted you to know that I’m grateful to have you in my life.” Pay attention to the feelings and thoughts going on inside of you — should I do it, should I not do it, how are they going to respond? Despite all that, in this moment you can choose to express your gratitude. That’s disclosure. 5. Encourage to give support Human communication, I would argue, is just as tangible a way of giving as giving money. We use communication to give love. We use communication to give affection. And when we choose to encourage others, we are using communication to give people the social support they need to develop and succeed. I believe that we can transform any ordinary moment into an extraordinary one by what we say and share with other people, no matter what our role is. “Human communication, I would argue, is just as tangible a way of giving as giving money. We use communication to give love.” Here’s an example from my own career. For many years, whenever my students struggled, I would always say, “Hey, why don’t you just ride the wave a little?” Then, during one incredibly hard year of work, I got to my office and found an email from my wife. Inside was the message, “Ride the wave, baby,” with a Photoshopped picture of me on a real surfer. I remember that moment to this day. That is the power of encouragement. What we say and do can make an impact not only in that moment, but as a source of support for years to come. 6. Listen to transcend differences Learning how to become a better listener is not a small feat, but experts agree that it’s a common trait of good leaders. If you can choose to listen deeply, you can transcend the perceived differences that exist between you and other people. You can learn to listen more deeply by maintaining a high degree of openness to other people’s perspectives and viewpoints. It also requires withholding judgment of people and their actions. Psychologist Carl Rogers called this “unconditional positive regard”: a way of looking at people with warmth, without any conditions. In order to listen deeply, you have to cultivate deep empathy, the ability to look at other people’s perspectives not to see whether they’re right or wrong, but to understand their vantage point. Finally, you have to learn how to give somebody your full attention. Physically leaning in with your body will start the process of deeper listening. If you get really frustrated, take your hand, put it underneath the table, and open it slightly — a physical gesture of openness. Listening can be uncomfortable, but there is a lot to learn if we quiet everything going on inside of us and turn our attention to other people. I believe that if you practice positive communication, it’s going to help you grow as a professional and as a person, create high-quality relationships at work and at home, and lead more effectively. When you take these small actions, you’re beginning a butterfly effect. You’re starting to change the script on your interactions, which affects the relationships that you care about, the groups you work in, and the communities you belong to. And if we do this together, we will co-create a better society for ourselves and our children. • This essay is based on a talk that is part of the Positive Links Speaker Series by the University of Michigan’s Center for Positive Organizations. The Center is dedicated to building a better world by pioneering the science of thriving organizations. happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practice, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ learn with free online classes in our happiness Academy Communication skills | Non-violent communication Written by Greater Good Science Center This article originally appeared on Greater Good, the online magazine of the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley. happiness.com is honoured to republish them with the kind permission of the Greater Good Science Center. greatergood.berkeley.edu

A new book explains how feeling awestruck can make you happier, healthier and more connected. By TEJA PATTABHIRAMAN on behalf of Greater Good Science Center. What is awe? We have all experienced it, even if we didn’t know what to call it. Whether we’re overlooking a beautiful view after a challenging hike or watching a new leaf grow on the plant we’ve been nurturing in lockdown, the feeling we get in that moment — amazed, inspired, transported — is what researchers call awe. In his new book, Awestruck, psychologist Jonah Paquette explains the process underlying the experience of awe and uncovers both its complexity and its value to our well-being. Walking readers through various scientific findings, he shows that awe helps improve our relationships, decrease our stress, and make us happier. By illustrating awe’s many benefits, Paquette gives us a reason to seek more awe experiences in our lives — and then shows us how to do it. How we experience awe An awe experience, as Paquette defines it, involves two primary components: encountering “vastness” and experiencing transcendence. Vastness happens when we come across a view (like a spectacular sunset) or concept (such as the existence of black holes) that is too incredible to fit into our current worldview, forcing us to expand our understanding of what is possible. Transcendence happens when we take in this new, awe-striking idea or image in front of us and try to make sense of it. Not only is awe a pleasant feeling akin to wonder, it also helps us to experience a different relationship with the world around us, says Paquette. When we are overcome with awe, he explains, we often experience a “small self” — the sense of our ego becoming smaller, and our needs, hopes and purpose more integrated with the people and environment surrounding us. RELATED: 8 reasons why awe makes your life better “Awe blurs the line between the self and the world around us, diminishes the ego, and links us to the greater forces that surround us in the world and the larger universe,” he writes. In that way, awe can serve a dual purpose, improving our well-being while bringing us together. The benefits of awe Like many positive emotions, awe can make us feel good. But awe goes beyond that, helping us to connect with others. Here are some of the main benefits of awe, as recounted by Paquette. 1. Awe decreases stress levels Awe has been shown to reduce stress levels in both the short term and the long term. In one study described in the book, researchers examined the impact of an awe experience on stress levels among both urban high school students and war veterans. Participants taken on a one-day river rafting trip had reduced levels of stress and symptoms of PTSD that were maintained weeks later. Critically, it wasn’t just spending time outdoors that seemed to lead to reduced symptoms, but nature’s specific ability to induce a sense of awe. The evidence supporting the link between spending time outdoors, experiencing awe, and lower stress levels “has become so persuasive that many physicians have begun to ‘prescribe’ time spent in nature or in green spaces, the way one might typically prescribe a new medication,” says Paquette. Awe decreases stress levels shutterstock/Zack C 2. Awe increases generosity and kindness In a study conducted at UC Berkeley, researchers had students spend a minute either gazing up in the middle of the campus’s eucalyptus grove or staring at a drab science building. When a “stranger” (actually, someone working for the researchers) walked by and “accidentally” dropped a box of pens, participants who experienced awe by gazing up at the trees were more likely to help the stranger collect the pens. Later, the same participants also scored lower on entitlement and demonstrated a higher degree of ethical decision-making. RELATED: Gazing at the stars – replacing your worries with wonder Other studies have also found a link between awe and generosity and kindness. Paquette suggests that these studies help explain why awe evolved: feeling awe makes us more willing to help those in need, and in turn increases our sense of connection to others. At a community level, looking out for everyone and placing collective needs above our own gives us a greater chance of survival. “By enabling us to feel connected to each other, form alliances, act generously, and explore new possibilities, it stands to reason that the story of humans would not be possible without awe,” he writes. 3. Awe makes us happier and more satisfied with life Paquette points readers toward numerous studies that demonstrate how awe can impact our mood. In one study conducted a few years ago, participants were shown a slideshow of either commonplace nature scenes (like an oak tree) or awe-inspiring nature scenes (like the Grand Canyon) and were asked questions regarding their mood both before and after the slideshow. Both groups showed improvements in mood, but those who watched the awe-inspiring slideshow reported a far greater improvement. “Not only is awe a pleasant feeling akin to wonder, it also helps us to experience a different relationship with the world around us.” While awe can make us happy in the short term, research has shown that this benefit lasts, too. In a study from UC Berkeley, researchers had participants track their mood and awe experiences over several weeks. They found that people experienced awe two times per week, on average, and that having awe experiences led them to have greater well-being and life satisfaction even weeks later. These are only a few among multiple studies that, according to Paquette, confirm our intuition: awe makes us feel good. By reducing stress, increasing generosity and improving our life satisfaction, awe really is good for us. How to experience awe in everyday life Given that awe has these benefits, says Paquette, we should try to experience it more in our everyday lives. Though many of us may only associate awe with special vacations or occasions — like graduation ceremonies or visits to the Grand Canyon — he describes numerous ways we can incorporate awe into daily routines (and help intensify the experience, too). Linger. When you catch yourself in awe, Paquette recommends sitting with that feeling for as long as possible. Though you may be tempted to move quickly onto the next thing, such as taking a photo or responding to a notification, try pausing first to soak in the surroundings for a bit longer. Soak up feelings of awe in nature Slow down. Create space for awe to emerge in the mundane. While you water your plants, tenderly check for new leaves and buds. While eating, consider the time and energy that went into the food in front of you. By slowing down and appreciating the patience and effort involved in habitual processes, Paquette assures us, we will find ourselves awe-inspired. RELATED: Mindful behaviour – 13 practical mindfulness tools Appreciate your senses. Tune in deeply to your awareness of color, texture, scent and sound. What do you hear? What do you see? While on a walk, stretching, or taking deep breaths, Paquette recommends we allow ourselves to sink into the senses that connect us to the world, and be in awe of what we find. Unplug. While many of us are dependent on technology for work or for communicating with others, it’s good to intentionally step away from the screen and give yourself the opportunity to connect with yourself. Somewhat counterintuitively, technology can make us feel more isolated and lonely by pulling us away from the present moment, Paquette explains. He suggests ditching the phone and taking a walk, visiting a park, or making a meal, all without taking a photo or sharing it on social media. “By reducing stress, increasing generosity and improving our life satisfaction, awe really is good for us.” Awe walks. Numerous studies have shown that spending time in nature lowers stress and improves our physical and mental health by decreasing blood pressure, enhancing focus, and strengthening our immune system. Experiencing awe is actually one of the main factors that make nature so powerful. Try taking an awe walk, intentionally seeking to be awed by your surroundings. RELATED: Connecting with nature Awe journaling. Paquette urges us to think back to our most awe-inspiring vacations, events and moments and take the time to document them. Where were you? Who was there? How did you feel? This simple practice may decrease your sense of time pressure, and make you more generous, as well. Why we need awe more than ever Paquette wrote this book before the pandemic started, but it seems more relevant than ever. As we approach the one-year mark of pandemic restrictions and the emotional strain they have come with, the tried-and-true ways to take care of our mental well-being, such as calling a friend, exercising, and meditating, can sometimes feel stale. Seeking awe is a unique way to reduce stress while simultaneously finding happiness and connection during this period. As Paquette helps us see, it doesn’t take much to experience awe. Just taking a walk in our neighborhood and observing our surroundings with intention can leave us awestruck and in a better state of mind. And, given how hard this time has been, we could all use a bit more of that. • Main image: shutterstock/Alxcrs happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practice, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ learn with free online classes in our happiness Academy Gratitude | Meditation | Volunteering Written by Greater Good Science Center This article originally appeared on Greater Good, the online magazine of the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley. happiness.com is honoured to republish them with the kind permission of the Greater Good Science Center. greatergood.berkeley.edu

Ever had the feeling of complete focus and contentment on a work task or hobby? That's called 'flow', and when you find it, cherish it. Because, as Arlo Laibowitz explains, finding that elusive state of flow can lead to great happiness. True happiness and satisfaction in our work, studies, or hobbies. These are things we all strive for, but only a few seem to be able to obtain such contentment. Did you know that there is a state that means to be fulfilled and engaged in these activities? That state is called flow, named by Hungarian psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi [Mee-high cheek-sent-mee-high]. So, what is 'flow' and how can we obtain it? What is the state of flow? Csikszentmihalyi defines flow as the mental state in which a person performing an activity is fully immersed in a feeling of focus, involvement and enjoyment: “A state in which people are so involved in an activity that nothing else seems to matter; the experience is so enjoyable that people will continue to do it even at great cost, for the sheer sake of doing it.” The state of flow is characterised by total absorption in what one does, and the resulting loss in one's sense of space and time: Action and awareness become merged. We have no worry of failure, because we are in control. Our sense of time becomes distorted, because the activity becomes rewarding in itself. .embed-container { position: relative; padding-bottom: 56.25%; height: 0; overflow: hidden; max-width: 100%; } .embed-container iframe, .embed-container object, .embed-container embed { position: absolute; top: 0; left: 0; width: 100%; height: 100%; } xx A state of flow leads to great happiness The physiology of flow Physiologically, consciousness, worry and self-reflection all reside in the front part of our brains. When we achieve a state of flow, this front area experiences decreased activity. This increases function in the other areas of our brains, enabling creativity and new ideas to emerge. Indeed, this state is not inhibited by the that more conscious part of our brains, therefore boosting productivity and creativity. • JOIN US! Need support? Sign-up to happiness.com and join a community that cares • Curiously, achieving a state of flow affects other parts of our bodies, too. According to Jyoti Mishra, an attention researcher at San Francisco's University of California, blood flow moves to brain regions that process relevant, rather than random, sounds. This results in us being able to tune out sounds such as ticking clocks, passing cars, etc, when we are fully occupied in our task. “The state of flow is characterised by total absorption in what one does, and the resulting loss in one's sense of space and time.” A state of flow also reduces the perception of pain, so that – according to Csikszentmihalyi – aches and exhaustion "have no chance to register in consciousness.” Furthermore, the concentration involved in flow deepens breathing, increasing oxygen levels and reducing lethargy. Flow: how to achieve it There are people who have developed their flow in such a way that every obstacle becomes an enjoyable challenge. Csikszentmihalyi calls these people 'autotelic'. These are people that are never bored, rarely suffer anxiety, and are constantly involved with what is going on around them. So, how do we become more autotelic ourselves? There are some conditions that have to be met to achieve it: The activity has a clear set of goals and progress. The task must have clear and immediate feedback. We have to pay attention to what is happening in the moment without distractions. We need to learn to enjoy the immediate experience. We have to proportion our skills to the challenge. How do we obtain a state of flow? Flow is a balancing act between anxiety – when the task is too difficult – and boredom – when the task is not difficult enough. That's because when we are in flow, we subconsciously work towards becoming masters. So, to maintain flow, we must seek greater challenges. Go with the flow: challenging hobbies leads to happiness It's an innately positive experience. It produces intense feelings of enjoyment, with long-term benefits to positive effect and happiness. Csikszentmihályi also stated that happiness comes from personal development and growth. Flow states create this development and growth. If you're having trouble finding your flow, take time to think about a time when you were doing something and felt all your worries slide away. It could be something as simple as a relaxing walk in nature, or perhaps a creative activity such as mandala colouring. Try to repeat this experience as often as you can, and challenge yourself to do more elaborate versions of it. RELATED: Ava Marie Doodles – the handmade heroine The more time we spend in flow-state activities, the more our intrinsic motivation and self-directed learning increase. So, challenge yourself with more complicated tasks, improve your skills, and repeat this process continuously, to help boost your happiness and life satisfaction. ● Main image: shutterstock/shurkin_son Written by Arlo Laibowitz Arlo is a filmmaker, artist, lecturer, and intermittent practitioner of metta meditation and morning yoga. When not dreaming about impossible projects and making them happen in the most impractical ways possible, he journals, listens to jazz, or cuddles with his better half.

Managing unpleasant symptoms and changing your lifestyle drastically – living with a chronic illness is challenging. But it needn't break you down. James Frew explains how mindfulness and meditation has given him the resilience to thrive while living with a long-term condition... All it took was a fall in the middle of a road to realize something was wrong. It was July 2013 and I'd just returned from a month-long overseas business trip. I was tired, unable to think properly, and was regularly physically sick after eating. But it wasn't until that moment on the road outside the office that I became convinced this wasn't just a severe case of jet lag. The following day, I visited the doctor and so started months of tests, false starts, and inconclusive assessments. It wasn't until January 2014 that I received an official diagnosis of Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS). All the while, I'd been away from work, barely able to leave the house, with my symptoms worsening. Although there was relief in the diagnosis – finally having a name for the ensemble of seemingly unrelated symptoms – it was much more the beginning than the end. Truthfully, it was the start of living with chronic illness and pain. Learning to live with Dysautonomia A lot of people would say that living with a chronic illness is quite an isolating experience. That's certainly how I felt, especially in the first few years of my condition. The symptoms of POTS, a form of dysautonomia or autonomic dysfunction, vary significantly between individuals and fluctuate on a daily and sometimes even hourly basis. For me, unpredictability was, and still is, one of the most demanding challenges to overcome. When in the middle of an extreme flare-up of symptoms, it's difficult to communicate to others how you're feeling, particularly when suffering from the cloudiness of brain fog. For many years, I couldn't work because of the debilitating cognitive effect this had on me. Some people say it feels like having cotton wool in your brain; you're aware there's something there, but it's hard to find clarity in it. James lives with the chronic condition POTS This isn't uncommon for POTS patients, either. According to Dr. Lesley Kavi, Visiting Professor at Birmingham City University and Trustee and Chair of the charity PoTS UK, the most debilitating symptom of POTS “varies very much from person to person depending on the set of symptoms they have. I read many comments that say the brain fog is the worst, but not everyone says this.” This is typical when discussing chronic illnesses. Like the common cold, some illnesses are short-lived and unpleasant; chronic illnesses, though, don't have a known end-point. Although there's no way to say for sure, I'll probably experience POTS symptoms for the foreseeable future. While some people find their condition naturally resolves, Dr. Kavi notes that many, “especially those with inherited conditions that cause [POTS], can have symptoms long-term.” Living with chronic illness Chronic illnesses are generally defined as long-term conditions with no cure. However, there's no one accepted definition of a chronic illness, so its hard to get an accurate measure of how many people suffer with a long-term condition. The US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) opts for the term chronic disease, and estimates that six in ten adults have a long-term condition which affects their daily lives. Often, the symptoms are wide-ranging, diverse and unpredictable. As a result, living with chronic illness can sometimes feel like a continual trial. For every positive moment, there are a handful of upsetting, distressing, or frustrating ones. Following the onset of my illness, I found it particularly hard to come to terms with how different my life now was. Even simple things like going out of the house require effort and preparation. “Often, the symptoms are wide-ranging, diverse and unpredictable. As a result, living with chronic illness can sometimes feel like a continual trial. For every positive moment, there are a handful of distressing or frustrating ones.” It's not helped that I tend not to look any different outwardly. The effects of POTS are primarily internal, like a sudden increased heart rate, low blood pressure and digestive issues. This type of condition is usually referred to as an invisible illness, a common trait of many chronic illnesses. As a previously well man in his early 20s when POTS first took hold, most people couldn't see the suffering I was going through. As a result, I was nervous about going out and anxious about how people may interact with me if I need to sit down on a busy bus or train or use an accessible toilet. Most days, I still feel this way. I know I tend to shy away from spontaneity, preferring low-key plans instead. But after so many years living with chronic illness, I've become used to accepting my difference. Meditation to calm anxious thoughts There wasn't an overnight transformation; I didn't wake up one morning comfortable in my skin and ready to take on the world. It was a gradual process over many years, continually chipping away at the biases and thought patterns from before. But I didn't do it alone, either. After reading about a meditation app online, I ignored my misplaced skepticism about the practice and gave it a go. RELATED: Do mindfulness apps work? In the years since, I've spent at least ten minutes a day training my mind to be comfortable with feelings and learning that I am not my thoughts and I'm not defined by my condition. Where I used to spend long periods worrying about what people may think, I've come to accept that these are the musings of an anxious mind concerned about a future that may never happen. This regular practice has also helped me feel connected to others, even while physically alone. James' 'Be more kind' tattoo Although you might never meet them in person, the internet offers a way to connect with other people living with chronic illness around the world. I've spent many hours in the /r/POTS subreddit chatting, learning, and supporting the newly-diagnosed. In fact, the benefits of this type of interaction were confirmed by a 2016 study published in Qualitative Health Research, which found that online communities strengthened relationships, exchanged knowledge, and raised awareness about specific illnesses. Finding ways to manage chronic pain My meditation practice meant that I could focus on the present moment, rather than the future or the past. But is also helped manage the chronic pain caused by POTS in combination with Ehlers Danlos Syndrome (EDS), a connective tissue disorder. The pain still exists, of course, but it is my reaction to it that has changed. Chronic pain is a highly challenging condition to live with. My personal experience hasn't been overwhelming, but an underlying current of long-term pain. RELATED: 9 science-backed benefits of meditation However, it can be extremely debilitating for many people suffering from it. As the mechanisms behind this agony aren't yet understood, treatments are variable, and some find them ineffective. Still, there's growing evidence, like the meta-study published in the Annals of Behavioral Medicine in 2016, that a regular meditation practice can help make living with chronic illness and long-term pain more manageable. Coping with mental health and chronic illness Meditation is just one technique I've come across to ease the difficulty of living with chronic illness. As Dr. Kavi points out, "it can be a challenge to cope with the fluctuations; some people don't need help with [their] mental health, some gain benefit from psychological therapies including CBT [or] mindfulness, and some have medication." Although mindfulness has been the most successful for me, it didn't happen in isolation. Not long after my diagnosis, I was prescribed SSRI-based anti-depressants to help manage my mental health. Alongside this, I took a Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) course and followed that up with counseling. “There's growing evidence that a regular meditation practice can help make living with chronic illness and long-term pain more manageable.” Everyone's experience is different, but the key to living with chronic illness is to do what's right for you. These therapies and techniques were effective for me, but they might not be for everyone. You may find it's worth exploring your options with a healthcare professional. Working around your condition In an alternative world, we might be able to spend our days living with chronic illness, managing experiences at our own pace. But in many cases, there's still a financial imperative to work. Alongside this, after a few years of relative monotony, I wanted to have something practical to achieve. But, given the unpredictable, long-term nature of chronic illness, most don't feel able to return to full-time employment in an office or workplace away from home. There are alternatives to explore, though, even if they are less conventional. James is proof you can thrive with a chronic illness Some people turn their hobbies into a part-time business, allowing them to bolster their finances without the pressure of working all the time. This was the approach that led to my return to work. Writing started as a hobby before becoming part-time job, and then, years later, a career. But that's far from the only way to earn while living with chronic illness. If you do feel comfortable returning to an office, it's worth finding an understanding employer to accommodate the adjustments you need. The important thing is to do what you feel comfortable with, and at your own pace. Over the years, my illness has given me a chance to connect with my body in a way I'd never imagined. While the struggle is real, I've come to accept that this is who I am now, and in many ways, I'm better for it. After almost a decade, living with chronic illness is still a work in progress. My experience evolves each day, but so do I. For every setback, I have an opportunity to learn from it. For each day spent recovering from the onset of symptoms, I find comfort knowing that tomorrow may be different. happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ develop with free online classes in our happiness Academy Resilience | Acceptance | Courage Written by James Frew James is a freelance writer based in the UK with a focus on consumer technology, mental health, well-being, and sustainability. When not writing, he's usually listening to podcasts, enjoying music, or going for a walk. You can find all his work on Campsite.bio and follow him on Twitter.

Getting the brush-off is often painful. Indeed, accepting and recovering from being turned down can be hard. So, from building up self-confidence to remaining open, Ed Gould offers up three key techniques on how to deal with rejection. How can you deal with rejection when it hurts so much? After being kicked in the teeth, many of us choose to avoid situations that might force us into dealing with the pain and upset being rejected can cause. But is this actually the most constructive way of going about our daily lives? No. Rejection is undoubtedly bound up with negativity and feelings of discord. Now, it's easy to understand why being turned down is frequently viewed in this light, but is that all that rejection means to us? Rejection of something that is itself negative can be a positive thing, right? Furthermore, the proverb 'every cloud has a silver lining' suggests that facing rejection – even when you do not want to – can actually mean new opportunities await on the horizon. It's also important to remember that feeling hurt and dealing with rejection is something that will happen during our lives whether we like it or not. Indeed, understanding this is the first step in learning how to cope with it. So, what do psychologists and other experts in feelings of happiness and well-being have to say on the subject of mastering rejection? Why rejection hurts so much Some people seem to have such thick skin that they think they can deal with rejection like it's water off a duck's back. Think of the jobbing actor who puts their heart and soul into audition after audition only to hear later that they didn't get the part. Do such people simply not feel a sense of hurt when they don't get the role? Of course not. Everybody hurts: we all have to deal with rejection However, they might have developed better coping strategies so they know how to deal with rejection when it comes around. The fact is that the rejection we might feel from being turned down is perfectly natural. It's in no sense 'abnormal' to feel upset about being rejected. So, why does it happen? According to behavioural psychologists from the University of Michigan, rejection can impact on our neural networks in ways that our brains associate with physical pain. In a 2010 study into somatosensory representations, researchers viewed volunteers' brain activity when stimulated with feelings of rejection by using an MRI scanner. “Dealing with rejection is something that will happen whether we like it or not. Understanding this is the first step in learning how to cope with it.” In this particular research programme, the people under observation had suffered from a relationship breakdown. To provoke a response, an image of their former partner appeared before them. What the MRI scan revealed is that the secondary somatosensory cortex and dorsal posterior insula became active. These are the sections of the brain known to associate with feelings of pain. So, if you think that mental anguish caused by rejection and dealing with hurt is all in your mind, then you may need to reassess your position. It seems that scientists can induce pain in their volunteers merely by reminding them of rejection. What's more, this evidence holds true in almost 90 per cent of cases. RELATED: What to do after a break-up – 10 tips for recovery In another study, psychologists asked patients to recall a time when they had suffered from social exclusion. One group of patients took the painkiller Tylenol, the other group took a sugar pill. As a result, those who had received the real drug reported having lower levels of mental anguish from remembering their rejection in comparison with those who had not taken the painkiller. It's possible to conclude, therefore, that the drug – developed initially to help deal with physical pain – was having an effect on how the brain coped with non-physical pain. In other words, rejection does not simply impact on our happiness: it creates physical levels of pain and a simple painkiller, used in moderation, can act as emotional first aid. How to deal with rejection: 3 tips As mentioned, medicinal drugs are one way of helping your brain to feel less pain from dealing with hurt sustained from the rejection of social exclusion. However, this is something of a 'sticking plaster' approach, and there are plenty of other ways to achieve mastery of feelings of repudiation. So, what should you be putting into your emotional first-aid kit? Here are three keys ways you can learn how to deal with rejection. 1. Augment your social network Rejection can sometimes lead to you wanting to shut yourself away. This 'licking the wounds' phase is perfectly normal at first, but try to avoid it if possible. It's better to surround yourself with people that you like and trust – friendship can help you to heal. If you have experienced rejection at work, then socialise with friends away from that environment. People who see you in another light will be able to help rebalance your view of yourself. Deal with rejection by socialising shutterstock/Monkey Business Images Or, if you've suffered from a relationship breakdown, then it's a good plan to meet with pals that know you from a time before you got together with your partner. These friends are likely to be less weighed down by the 'emotional baggage' of your split. Making new friends can also be one of the best things you can do to set you on the road to emotional recovery: join a club or group and try something new. RELATED: Understanding the power of friends 2. Build up your self-confidence Reaffirmation of your sense of self-worth is key to overcoming the despondency that can follow rejection. A flood of happiness may not be a realistic expectation at first when you're feeling down. But by doing things to build your self-confidence, this will help you to avoid remaining in that state for too long. You can achieve this by showing compassion to yourself. Indeed, recent studies have demonstrated that self-compassion leads to feelings of improvement and often brings new motivation with it. Be kind to yourself. Draw away from feelings of negativity about yourself. Just because you're dealing with rejection doesn't make you a failure. Far from it! You're learning how to cope with life's knock-backs – just like the actor who works out what to try differently at their next audition. In fact, it's most likely they were doing great; the director was just looking for someone else for the role. Above all, avoid self-criticism because it's usually unwarranted. 3. Remain open and try again It may seem easier said than done when you're first suffering the trauma of rejection. But staying open to the possibility of future success is a key element to have in your emotional first-aid kit. This shift is important because if you spend too much time shut off from the idea of trying again – thereby avoiding the possibility of rejection – you can become bitter. “Reaffirmation of your sense of self-worth is key to overcoming the despondency that can follow rejection.” The German psychiatrist Michael Linden first referred to this phenomenon as post-traumatic embitterment disorder or PTED. He noted that embitterment often leads to feelings of anger. When you face rejection, bear in mind that you probably had little control over why it happened. Try to let go of the feelings of low self-worth you might want to linger on. It doesn't mean that you don't care. Acceptance of the situation is often healthier. Handling hurt: emotional first-aid kits Dealing with rejection and hurt is much more preferable than dwelling on it. It's worth noting that PTED, similar to post-traumatic stress disorder, can lead to negative psychological reactions in the long term. If we don't support ourselves and one another with shared feelings of pain that come about following rejection, then it's reasonable to argue that our society as a whole will suffer. After all, if everyone is carrying around the pain they feel from all these rejections, rather than dealing with the hurt, then few of us would ever take a risk again – and where would that leave us? In the modern world, the imperative for emotional first aid is, if anything, more important than ever before. In the era of social media, feeling rejected can be in-your-face and operate on a 24-hour basis. Some people may only feel slightly rejected if they don't get a job or because their partner leaves them. For others, similar experiences and emotional situations have a more dramatic effect. For example, having their social media posts ignored. In the digital age, rejection can sometimes be quantified in alarming ways, like the number of 'thumbs up' that a post receives. If you count such things regularly, then perhaps it's time to look into making your own emotional repair kit for how to deal with rejection. ● Main image: shutterstock/fizkes happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ sharing and supporting others in our happiness forum ■ developing with free online classes in our Academy Confidence | Letting go | Trauma Written by Ed Gould Ed Gould is a UK-based journalist and freelance writer. He's also a practitioner of Reiki.

Those of us with brothers and sisters are used to having fallouts with them. But at what point does it mean your relationship with your sibling could be toxic? Psychologist Stanislava Puač Jovanović explains the signs to watch out for... We, obviously, do not choose the family we are born into. Yet, if anything shapes us and affects who we will be as people, it is precisely our families – including our siblings. They bring a distinctive value to our lives. They also come with unique challenges. Unfortunately, some are so hurtful that they could even be described as toxic siblings. Most of us are raised to believe that having a sibling is a blessing by the norm. And it often is. They ought to provide friendship, support, and a source of care and love for a lifetime. We share memories and family bonds. They are a part of who we are. However, sometimes this simply is not the case. In the same way, as any other relationship could be unhealthy, siblinghood is also a potential source of pain and toxicity in your life. This article will show you how to recognize if your sibling is toxic and how to deal with the fact. Four signs your sibling might be toxic How we relate to our siblings is strikingly less researched compared to relationships between parents and children. Still, their significance is not to be underestimated. Theoretical reviews conclude that those relationships are fairly complex. They impact us on various levels, and a myriad of factors affects their quality, from individual to cultural. Sisterly squabbles: perhaps a sign of a toxic sibling For example, the family’s overall cohesiveness and expressiveness will influence how children behave towards each other. Moreover, the father’s actions and attitudes, as well as the siblings’ temperaments, were found to either contribute to a healthy relationship or produce toxic siblings. In some instances, the combination of factors produces a relationship so dysfunctional that it can be named toxic. Here are some of the features of toxic siblings’ behaviour: 1. Abusive behaviour Toxic siblings are often abusive. Same as in any other relationship, this can range from delicate manipulation, through the shades of psychological abuse, to downright physical aggression. Criticism, looking down on you, bullying, invalidating or gaslighting, and physical intimidation or abuse – all of it happens in toxic sibling relationships. You may be so accustomed to how your sibling has been treating you all of your life that you take it as a given. Nonetheless, it still is abuse – and it is a trait of toxic siblings. 2. Undermining your other relationships Some toxic siblings tend to ruin your relationships. Although those are anecdotal accounts, I am aware of quite a few such cases. Sometimes it is possessiveness or jealousy. Other times, the sibling pair transfers the dynamics with the parents to other relationships. So, the toxic sibling works on becoming the favourite (usually unconsciously). In any case, it is not uncommon that a sibling goes on and wrecks their brother’s or sister’s relationships. Some toxic siblings will actively work to undermine your romance, friendships, or even professional relationships. How do they do it? The means range from getting angry or fussy through various forms of manipulation to direct requests for you to end the other relationship (“…or else…”). They could stir up trouble, be difficult, or demean you in front of your partners, friends, or business associates. 3. Refusing to take responsibility Childhood dynamics between siblings tend to transfer to adulthood. No matter what age you might be, if your sibling was always shifting blame onto you, this pattern probably persisted. Toxic people, in general, do not own up to their actions and the influence they have on others. “Criticism, looking down on you, bullying, invalidating or gaslighting, and physical intimidation or abuse – all of it happens in toxic sibling relationships.” The same goes for toxic siblings. Being unfair or hurtful is one thing. It can even happen unintentionally. Not accepting the responsibility for it is, however, a sign that your sibling has not developed the level of maturity needed for you to have a healthy relationship. 4. Exploiting your relationship Toxic siblings will often take advantage of you. They might exploit you emotionally. For example, they could manipulate you into serving their own psychological needs. They could be counting on your assistance with whatever and whatever. In that way, they are disrespecting your time or other obligations. Finally, they might exploit you financially. In any case, where there is a lack of reciprocity, there is no talking about a healthy relationship. How to deal with a toxic sibling An extensive meta-analysis based on data from nearly 13,000 siblings confirmed the massive impact of sibling relationships. The conclusion was rather simple – more conflicts between siblings equals more mental health problems. Ideally, one would want to mend the relationship and enjoy the benefits of having idyllic siblinghood. Sadly, that is not always possible. RELATED: Why family is important for happiness In the first sentence of this article, it was said that we do not choose our family. However, as adults, we choose our relationships. In other words, you will probably not change your toxic sibling. You will definitely not change the fact that you are related. You cannot alter the past and how they affected you so far. But you can transform the way you relate to them. Here are some ways to deal with toxic siblings. They are aimed at protecting you from further hurt and potentially opening the path towards creating a healthy relationship. 1. Self-compassion and self-care When our sibling is mistreating us, we might feel somewhat forced to put up with it. They are our family, after all. However, if you want to restore your well-being and break free from the cycle of maltreatment, you need to start focusing on yourself. Counteract any form of abuse with self-compassion and self-care. Watch out for any “should”s and “must”s. That is, examine if you feel obliged to meet your toxic sibling’s needs – and then ditch the feeling of coercion. Take care of your needs, and build up your sense of self-worth towards a sovereign Self. 2. Practise compassion The other side of the self-compassion coin is to practise compassion. Not even toxic siblings are necessarily all bad. They might be going through tough times personally or professionally. Even more likely, they might not have learned how to behave in a healthy, mature way. They might perceive the situation entirely differently from yourself. Could you show compassion for a toxic sibling? shutterstock/pixelheadphoto digital skillet There is no excuse for maltreatment (especially abuse), but have you tried to understand them? Or did you also merely continue your childhood dynamics? In Jung’s words: “We cannot change anything unless we accept it. Condemnation does not liberate; it oppresses.” ― C.G. Jung, Modern Man in Search of a Soul Even if you were repeatedly hurt and betrayed, try to find it in you to forgive them. If nothing else, forgiveness is good for you. A meta-analysis of over 100 studies involving over 26,000 participants from 17 countries confirmed that forgiving results in improved mental (and some aspects of physical) health. That does not imply that you are supposed to let your sibling trample on you. It merely means not holding a grudge and moving on from past hurts. 3. Reach out Sibling relationships are often one of the longest in our lives. If it is an unhealthy bond, we tend to accept it as a chronic problem. Meaning, we rarely seek help for such an issue. Nonetheless, if you want to change the situation, no matter how long it lasts, reach out. “Even if you were repeatedly hurt and betrayed, try to find it in you to forgive a sibling. If nothing else, forgiveness is good for you.” You could talk to a close family member and explain what you have been going through. If this sounds too delicate, consider speaking to a supportive friend. Quality social support is one of the best tools to alleviate the adversities of distress and trauma. Having someone to rely on and talk to makes you resilient to stress, possibly via neurological and endocrine pathways. Last but not least – contact a professional. Seek out a psychotherapist’s assistance in untangling the conscious and unconscious ties and beliefs that keep you bounded within the toxic relationship with your sibling. 4. Learn to be assertive If you find yourself being pushed around by toxic siblings, you probably need to brush up on your assertiveness skills. Family relationships are usually the most challenging for practising assertive communication. We feel too close and too exposed to suddenly become firm in setting our boundaries. We are too accustomed to the ways of our relationship to change how we communicate. Yet, it can be done. Your parents’ and families’ principles should not automatically be your own. When you start reprogramming how you communicate with your sibling, you are also creating a new reality for your relationship to evolve. You are building a new Self that is based on self-respect and healthy boundaries. Assertiveness means to regard both your and theirs obligations and rights. As a result, your toxic siblings will eventually realise that they have no choice but to follow the new (healthier) rules. Let go of the past – and hopes for the future In order to change how you relate with toxic siblings and the past relationship’s aftermath, there is one last thing you need to do. It is to let go of the past, as well as your hopes for the future. Put to rest past hurts, and dismiss any anticipation of what is to come. Abandon both bitterness as well as visions of a happy future. This piece of advice is not about pessimism. On the contrary. It is about a philosophical distance from whatever your expectations might be. Simply put, it is about keeping an open mind (and heart). Why do I recommend this? To neutralise the Pygmalion effect, or the self-fulfilling prophecy. It is particularly strong and difficult to discern in interpersonal relationships. And even more so if we are emotionally invested. So, whatever the course of your relationship might have been thus far, and whatever the future may hold, dismiss anticipation. It will give you the best chance for an optimal outcome. Moving on: with or without toxic siblings Dealing with toxic siblings can be one of the most challenging situations in your life. It is probably chronic, deeply rooted, and highly burdensome to change. However, if there is one message that I would like you to take from this article, it is that one always has a choice. You do not need to spend your entire life tolerating maltreatment. You may choose to mend your relationship and open the doors to a new, healthier siblinghood. You could also decide to end the relationship – forever or for now. You could modify when and how you meet with your toxic sibling. You could decide to let them carry their own load and stop being constantly on call. However, even beyond these practical acts – you always get to choose how you perceive and react to a situation. Whatever happens – you decide whether and to what extent you will allow it to affect you. Main image: shutterstock/Antonio Guillem happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ sharing and supporting others in our happiness forum ■ developing with free online classes in our Academy Family activities | Letting go | Abuse Written by Stanislava Puač Jovanović Stanislava Puač Jovanović has a master’s degree in psychology and works as a freelance writer and researcher in this area. Her primary focus is on questions relating to mental health, stress-management, self-development and well-being.

The benefits of developing a gratitude practice are proven by science. From stronger relationships to self-improvement, Dee Marques examines the five key advantages to always being grateful... Gratitude and happiness often go hand in hand, especially when gratefulness is seen as something essential in our daily lives and not just as a passing emotion. Indeed, science shows that far from being a monolithic concept, gratefulness is a complex emotion with real advantages. Indeed, if you start practicing gratitude then you can expect real physical, social and cognitive benefits. So, what is gratitude and gratefulness exactly? Essentially, gratitude is the affirmation of goodness in our lives and the world, of the gifts and benefits we receive, and the recognition that the source of this goodness is outside of us. Practising gratitude: the benefits Taking time to be grateful has many advantages that can make a real difference to our daily lives. As well as allowing us to be mindful and celebrate the present, here are five key reasons to pick up a gratitude practice – the benefits of doing so are all backed up by science. 1. Stronger relationships The social dimension of gratitude is one of the most important benefits of setting up and/or persevering with a gratitude practice. It can help us build stronger relationships because by practising it, we're acknowledging not only the existence of things to be grateful for in life but also – and more importantly – we're acknowledging the source of those things. In the majority of cases, the origins can be traced back to other people, whether they're family members (such as your partner preparing your favourite meal), or strangers (the postman delivering your mail, farmers producing the foods that will be on your table, etc.). Be grateful for simple things, such as your partner's cooking When we think about how other people improve and bring pleasure to our lives, our appreciation for them increases naturally. Noticing the small things and how they came about can be a real eye-opener. It helps us feel more interconnected – part of the whole – and in unity with the world that surrounds the people in it and us. The result? We're less likely to feel lonely or isolated and more likely to live a meaningful life. “Scientific findings have proven that gratefulness is a complex emotion with real advantages. Indeed, if you start practising gratitude then you can expect real physical, social, and cognitive benefits.” The link between gratitude practice and stronger or more fulfilling relationships is not just subjective: researchers at the University of Manchester have established that gratitude influences our perception of social support, encourages reciprocity, and helps create a more supportive environment. 2. Higher cognitive functioning Practicing gratitude also has the potential benefit of turning us into better functioning individuals, and science leaves little room for doubt about this. Dr Christina M. Karns from the University of Oregon carried out extensive research into the neurological aspects of gratitude. Her findings (which you can learn about here, especially in the second half of video) revealed that brain imaging scans show how practicing gratitude activates two areas of the brain that are responsible for processing information for decision-making purposes. This has been confirmed by studies at other universities, which showed that grateful individuals were more likely to be patient in receiving rewards and made better decisions in the long term, whereas individuals who were not feeling grateful when faced with a choice preferred immediate rewards even if those were not as beneficial. “The social dimension of gratitude is one of the most important benefits of setting up and/or persevering with a gratitude practice.” Researchers concluded that there's a connection between gratefulness and self-control. Combined, these two virtues can help us become more rational and focused when making decisions. Even better, research at two universities in the USA shows that feeling grateful releases dopamine, a 'happiness hormone' that keeps neurons functioning and, according to Science Daily, can increase motivation and energy levels. Practices like letter writing or keeping a gratitude journal were also shown to help people achieve their goals more consistently, and this only makes sense. Consciously and intentionally setting aside some time to reflect on the reasons we have to feel grateful sets a precedent for analytical thinking, which can then be extended to other aspects of our lives: the benefit of gratitude practice are clear. 3. Happier and more positive emotions When being grateful becomes an integral part of who we are, savouring the little pleasures in life becomes an essential part of our day-to-day routine. And the more grateful we feel, the more enjoyment we can get out of life. This is more than just a hypothesis. A paper published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology suggested that gratitude is strongly related to other positive emotions like life satisfaction, a sense of control, and hope. At the same time, the study found an unlikely correlation between the feeling of gratefulness and negative emotions, such as depression, envy, and anxiety. One benefit of writing a gratitude journal is hitting your goals From a scientific point of view, our brains have a built-in negativity bias that makes us more likely to remember bad experiences than good ones. This happens because negative events trigger an adrenaline rush that engraves negative feelings and memories in the brain. But another benefit of gratitude practice is that it can help re-wire our brains to overcome this bias. RELATED: Gratitude practice (and how it can change your life) Indeed, research shows that gratitude boosts our resilience and gives us reasons to be happy, even in difficult times, establishing a link between gratefulness and the ability to cope better with problems and stress. Other studies have shown that people suffering from depression reported a 35 per cent reduction in their symptoms after starting a thoughtful gratitude practice. Additionally, it's interesting to note that gratefulness seems to have a cumulative effect, as participants reported that happiness levels kept increasing over time. So if you practice gratefulness continuously, the benefits could grow, too. 4. Self-improvement When all the benefits of gratitude practice discussed so far are taken into consideration, it's evident that being grateful is an excellent way of boosting our opportunities for self-growth and personal development. In fact, bringing gratefulness into our lives can transform our personalities for the better. Scientific studies conducted in 2010 suggested that this emotion serves as an intermediary between positive personality traits and emotional well-being, especially when it comes to areas like self-acceptance, purpose in life, openness to others, and autonomy. The beauty of this is that there's no way of predicting where a gratitude practice will take you, as adopting gratefulness is like going on a journey of personal discovery. 5. Better overall health Grateful living has advantages that we can experience at a physical level, too. Dr Robert Emmons, a professor of psychology at the University of California, is a well-known expert in the science of gratefulness, who affirms that gratitude practice can be beneficial to our bodies and improve our overall well-being. Practice makes perfect: gratitude for exercise keeps you motivated Research carried out by Dr Emmons and his team highlighted the mind-body connection and showed that grateful individuals tend to be more aware of how their lifestyle choices affect their health. For example, being thankful for how good exercise makes us feel is likely to keep us motivated to work out frequently, and in turn, regular activity is linked to a stronger immune system, lower cholesterol levels, and lower blood pressure. “It's interesting to note that gratefulness seems to have a cumulative effect, as participants reported that happiness levels kept increasing over time. ” On that note, practising gratefulness appears to be good for our hearts too, quite literally so. Scientists at the University of California, San Diego, examined people who were at high risk of experiencing heart disease and who also kept a gratefulness journal and found that their symptoms worsened at a slower rate than participants who didn't follow the same practice. RELATED: Gratitude yoga And in case that wasn't good enough, feelings of gratefulness cause higher activity in the hypothalamus, a part of the brain that regulates sleep patterns, metabolism, and stress levels. Benefits of gratitude practice: conclusions As you can see, the benefits of incorporating gratefulness practices into your daily life are enormous. Why not give it a try and experience first hand the transformative power of gratitude? One of the best things about being grateful is that it's simple and doesn't cost a thing! ● Do you have a gratitude practice? How has it changed your life? Share with the happiness.com community below or in the Forum... Main image: colourbox.com Written by Dee Marques A social sciences graduate with a keen interest in languages, communication, and personal development strategies. Dee loves exercising, being out in nature, and discovering warm and sunny places where she can escape the winter.

Originating at Burning Man, the Life Cube travels the globe, encouraging goal setting, creativity and helping to bring communities together. Arlo Laibowitz captures the magic of this powerful art project in a brand new film. Why would a participatory art project that was first made at Burning Man be interesting and transformative to a city's community? What role does goal setting, experiencing flow, and being playful have in that? And how does a project like this help nurture and increase the participants’ happiness, by connecting and creating community? I tried to answer all of these questions, and more, in the documentary film Rainbow of Chaos, that I made about The Life Cube in Las Vegas. From Burning Man to Las Vegas I met Scott Cohen at Burning Man some years ago. Burning Man is an annual arts and music festival, that takes place in the Black Rock desert of Nevada, United States. It's a temporary city of 70,000 people which exists for just one week a year. Burning Man is an experiment in community and art, guided by principles that include self-reliance and self-expression, gifting, leaving no trace, and decommodification. No money is exchanged at the event, and participants bring everything that they need to survive in the desert and want to gift to others. The event is considered simultaneously as one of the world’s biggest parties, and one of the world’s largest interactive, participatory art gatherings. The ‘playa’ is filled with interactive sculptures and structures, some of which are burned during the week of the event. Cohen's positive experience with creating life goal lists had made him convinced that he needed to gift his art project, The Life Cube, to the Burning Man community. A 'mailbox' that invited participants to write down their goals, dreams, wishes, and aspirations, and place it in within the art installation. During the burning of it, these messages would be sent up to the universe, to manifest them. RELATED: 8 manifestation techniques In later versions, Cohen had expanded this idea, by adding the opportunity for participants to paint, draw and write on the installation. Furthermore, he invited hosts and musicians to use the space as a place to come and do yoga sessions, workshops and performances. The Life Cube has become a community project, carried by so-called ‘Cube-ists’. People that have seen the power of the installation changing their life, and the life of others. .embed-container { position: relative; padding-bottom: 56.25%; height: 0; overflow: hidden; max-width: 100%; } .embed-container iframe, .embed-container object, .embed-container embed { position: absolute; top: 0; left: 0; width: 100%; height: 100%; } The Life Cube is the subject of Rainbow of Chaos After three Life Cubes at Burning Man, Cohen now had a new goal: taking his experience from Burning Man to cities around the world. The first non-Burning Man version of the Life Cube happened in Las Vegas in 2014, an event that lasted weeks , culminating in a city burn of the installation. I wasn't there then but came to document the second version, in 2016, that lasted for a month. What I encountered was an installation that aimed, and succeeded, in providing a few distinct things: the power of goal-setting, the joy of creativity, flow and playfulness, connecting and creating a community. What do these things have in common? They are all considered instrumental in creating and maintaining individual happiness levels. Let's take a look at how exactly the Life Cube promotes these three different spheres. 1) The Life Cube: goal setting The genesis of the Life Cube art installation is Cohen's conviction that writing down your goals, dreams, wishes and aspirations increases the chance of them happening. Cohen has experienced this first-hand throughout his life and has seen this power working for others as well. Indeed, goal setting has been identified in studies as a major component in our sense of happiness. Cohen is described by others as a force of nature, someone who moves mountains. That attitude is infectious. He invites people to write down their goals, dreams, wishes and aspirations on so-called ‘wish sticks': postcards that can be dropped into slots in the installation. “The Life Cube has become a community project, carried by so-called ‘Cube-ists’. People that have seen the power of the installation changing their life, and the life of others.” Cohen's philosophy behind this is simple but effective. By writing down your goals and dreams, you start a process of envisioning them, considering how to pursue them, breaking them down into the steps that are necessary, and then actively pursuing them. Indeed, according to Sonja Lyubomirsky in her book The How of Happiness, setting goals is an effective strategy of raising our happiness, and works best with goals that are intrinsic, authentic, harmonious, flexible and active. In an interview segment that only partially made the final cut of my documentary, I extensively asked Cohen about how this goal setting could be misunderstood for the Law of Attraction and other pseudoscientific ideas. He emphasized that setting goals and writing them down starts a process that one works through, much along the lines of scientifically-backed goal setting: setting goals and intentions in writing them down helps envision their outcome and process, creates ownership and identifies blockers and creates accountability for these goals. Life Cube creator Scott Cohen with participating kids When hearing stories at the Life Cube about how the installation had changed the lives of people involved, from small things like someone finally deciding to propose and marry their partner or having a short-term goal to be more friendly and compassionate to others, to bigger things like artists being able to further pursue their career professionally, or people making radical life changes for the positive, it was clear that the Life Cube succeeded in installing more happiness in people through goal setting activities. 2) Becoming child: creativity, flow and playfulness Alongside goal setting, another big part of the happiness-inducing qualities of the Life Cube lie in what I've dubbed in the documentary “becoming child”. The Life Cube invites participants to be creative themselves, by painting on the installation, participating in interactive workshops, and by either enjoying music performances or participating in them yourself. The effect of creativity on our happiness and well-being is a subject that has been extensively studied. Creativity helps us be happier because it enables us to express and process emotions; it activates the reward regions of our brain, and it helps us focus and enjoy the moment, also known as creating flow. Apart from this, something I heard a lot at the Life Cube is that creativity helps us reconnect with our inner child and be more playful. In fact, playfulness as a way to nurture our happiness is an idea that has been proposed by Bernard de Koven, and is backed by research that shows a clear correlation between playfulness and our sense of happiness. The Cube creates an environment for people to be creative, to experience flow, and do all of that in a playful way, that instils happiness. RELATED: What playfulness can do for your relationship 3) A happy Rainbow of Chaos: community Possibly the biggest mission of the Life Cube is to connect the community through art. The effect of community on our level of happiness has been documented in different studies, showing that there are long-term positive effects of community, in strengthening our relationships, that lead to longer and happier lives. Cohen has expanded and grown the community of Cube-ists, which take ownership of different parts of the project and make his vision of a “rainbow of chaos” come true. This community is made up of different layers or smaller communities. First of all, there is the inner core of Cube-ists, which together with Cohen build and create the installation. Secondly, there are local event organisers, artists, musicians, yoga teachers and workshop hosts, that join in having a level of ownership of the space, and create part of the ‘permanent' artwork on the Cube, and its peripheral events. “By writing down your goals and dreams, you start a process of envisioning them, how to pursue them, breaking them down into the steps that are necessary, and you start actively pursuing them.” Thirdly, there's the local community of Burners [active participants that regularly go to Burning Man and satellite events], that was involved in the overall event, and especially the burn of the installation. Fourthly, there are the local residents and incidental passers-by, that became enthusiastic after visiting the installation once, and got actively involved in maintaining it, keeping it safe, and helping out with chores. Fiinally, there is the community of schools, which Cohen involved by going to talk to thousands of children and gifting these schools ‘satellite cubes’ that children could paint and put their wish sticks in. Up in flames: the burning of wishes helps manifests them Studies show that community strengthens relationships and has a positive emotional result, especially in shared novel experiences and sharing positive events. The Life Cube exemplifies this, in its creation of community around this ‘novel’ experience and positive event. For example, most American inner cities are not the most friendly or positive environments. There are, also in Las Vegas, problems with crime, drug use, homelessness and the overall rundown state that these downtown areas are in. The site of the Life Cube was like an oasis of community amid all these problems. A homeless man would volunteer in keeping the installation clean, while a local artist was painting a mural, and the inner core of Cube-ists would do maintenance and prepare structural elements and lighting. “Studies show that community strengthens relationships and has a positive emotional result, especially in shared novel experiences and sharing positive events.” Meanwhile, a group of school children would visit the Life Cube for a quick session of painting and an inspirational talk by Cohen. Afterwards, some local volunteers would start prepping a musical performance, while another local volunteer was hosting a yoga session. Simultaneously, “Burners” would gather for a fire safety meeting in preparation of the burn. Throughout the day local residents would visit, experience the installation, paint, and write their wish sticks. People from these different communities would interact, where normally they would not: just this interacting in itself created an overall connectedness and happiness at the Life Cube. The Life Cube is a creative hub for community The Life Cube: changing the world? In the documentary, Cohen is not modest about his goals: he clearly wants to change the world, by bringing Life Cubes to different cities and countries, spreading the effects of goal setting, creativity and community. It’s an ambitious goal and statement, but when looking at the magic that was created in Las Vegas, I also believe it's totally achievable. As Flash Hopkins, one of the founders of Burning Man and ally of Cohen in the project says in the documentary: “If he can change one person, then he has already done it.” I would argue that Cohen has indeed changed many lives, both at Burning Man and in Las Vegas. I invite you to watch the full documentary, Rainbow of Chaos, and find out for yourself. Art and community can make us happier. ● All images: © Arlo Laibowitz happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practice, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ learn with free online classes in our happiness Academy Community living | Work life balance | Altruism Written by Arlo Laibowitz Arlo is a filmmaker, artist, lecturer, and intermittent practitioner of metta meditation and morning yoga. When not dreaming about impossible projects and making them happen in the most impractical ways possible, he journals, listens to jazz, or cuddles with his better half.

Having lots of sex doesn't always mean it's fulfilling or lead to happiness. Indeed, as Sienna St-Cyr argues, factors such as the quality of sex and couple compatibility are far more important when it comes to achieving a happy sex life. If you've ever been told that lots of sex will lead to happiness, you might have heard correctly! There are many factors that go into that statement, however. Frequency of sex is just one factor to be considered. Couple compatibility, quality, and type of sex are also important. So, the link between sex and being happy seems to be there, but it also appears to be more complex. After reading an article on the frequency of sex and whether couples are having enough of it on Greater Good, I began thinking a great deal about the subject and whether or not it’s sex itself or something that goes along with the sex that leads to happier people. This led me to a few concepts to examine in detail when discussing the link between fulfillment, sex, and being happy. 1. Frequency of sex While the article on Greater Good points out that for many folks having a lot of sex makes them happier, it also states that this isn't the case for everyone. In fact, frequency without other important factors incorporated may actually make people unhappy. I was once with a partner that wanted sex daily. I, however, didn't. For one, it wasn't satisfying for me. This partner rarely put the time in to make it enjoyable, and he usually focused on his release over mine. This caused a depression in me. RELATED: Why I'll never ignore my sexual needs in a relationship again Brian Joseph Gillespie of the Department of Sociology at Sonoma State University carried out a study in 2016 where he found that couples taking part in frequent sex were only more satisfied if the sex was also of high quality. So, frequency is only a part of the equation when it comes to having a happy sex life. Frequent sex doesn't equal great sex (or make you happy) 2. Couple compatibility This brings me to sexual happiness and compatibility. That ex and I simply weren't compatible. He wanted quick sex and often and I wanted less sex with more build up. When I met my husband, he loved foreplay. He enjoyed putting the energy into turning me on. This shows that we were far more compatible because this energy was what I needed. I went from rarely reaching orgasm to sometimes having more than one in a sexual escapade. According to the Indian Journal of Endocrinology and Metabolism, reaching orgasm releases oxytocin, which is also known as one of the happiness hormones. The article on 'The Orgasmic History of Oxytocin' covers several areas of sexuality and the release of oxytocin. So, all the extra energy my husband put into me and all the additional orgasms led to more of this happiness hormone being released into my body. “The sexual connection I have with my partner leads to far more happiness if it's a positive one. Desiring the same things as a couple leads to positivity.” This sexual connection I have with my partner leads to far more happiness if it's a positive one. Desiring the same things as a couple leads to positivity. Putting the kids to bed together and reading them a story five nights a week, while only have sex twice a week, may, in fact, make for more satisfying sex. However, other couples may prefer sex seven days a week. Finding that partner we’re most compatible with is essential for achieving a happy sex life, even if the actual frequency of sex is less than before. Healthy connections and finding a compatible partner means we must be mindful of our needs and desires. 3. Quality of sex As mentioned above, having sex twice a week may be perfect for some partners. The biggest thing I've found out for myself, though, is that's it's the quality of sex rather than the frequency that matters. Is it sex I like? I can have sex for an hour, but ten-minute, super intense, sex is far more powerful for me. Because I enjoy the latter more, it means a deeper level and quality of sex. Longer, softer sex is still good, but not as strong for me. RELATED: What work can teach us about improving our relationships As Brian Joseph Gillespie also mentions in his April 2016 study, couples that had far less sex but felt they had quality sex were more satisfied with their sex lives. Sp, satisfaction contributes to a happy sex life too, as well as your overall happiness levels. It's a match: couple compatibility is one factor of a happy sex life This isn’t so clear, though, when it comes to other studies. The Journal of Economic Behavior & Organization also carried out research. It found that when they asked participants to have more sex, their fulfillment actually decreased! What I found interesting about this study is that it didn’t include crossovers as Brian’s did. So the folks taking part may or may not have desired that frequency, and that can lead to poor and ‘rushed’ quality. 4. Type of sex I'm convinced that the more we're self-aware and mindful of our needs around sex and happiness, the happier we will be. It can be related to oxytocin release or happiness with our partner(s). Or, it might be that when we honour our needs, we will be more satisfied because we’ll be seeking out the relationships and sexual encounters that make us feel good inside. RELATED: Altruism is sexy and leads to more sex One of the things that drives me batty as a sexuality educator is that so many people feel they need to have intercourse for it to be ‘sex’. I believe that this is not true. That's because there's oral sex, anal sex, masturbatory sex, and even tantric sex. Some may get just as much satisfaction from cuddling as others do a three-hour long missionary sex session. Cuddling releases oxytocin too. So, for asexual folks, this is likely to be far more satisfying than full intercourse. Conclusion: lots of sex doesn't equal happy sex What all of this research and my personal experience has taught me is that the topic of sexual activity and happiness is complex. What I find this all boils down to is that we have to be mindful of our desires and needs. Then we need to honour those desires and needs to be happy. There's no doubt in my mind that when I've walked away from a very satisfying sexual encounter, I'm giggly and flying high. This elevated mood can even last for days! Interestingly, some of the encounters that brought on this feeling have been quite short. And sometimes they vary in frequency as well. But they are still – by far – the most satisfying and happy-making for me. Other times I've had a lot of sex and often, but I didn't get that same high from it: I didn't giggle or walk away with a feeling of euphoria. Ride of your life: quality rules when it comes to happy sex But the most important factor from the list for me is the quality of sex I'm having. All of this connects because all of this involves being tuned into who we are. It’s the self-awareness and mindfulness that leads to us finding compatible partners with similar sexual desires, with the ability to turn mediocre into outstandingly – quality-filled – sexual encounters. If you’re interested in upping your happiness through increased sexual encounters – and I guess you are as you are reading this article (!), I’d suggest keeping these things to the front of your mind: Find a partner compatible with your life goals Talk about sex and sexuality, compare your desires Remember that quantity is not the same as quality Honour both people’s needs with compassion In essence, this is simple. Pay attention and honour one another. If you find your partner isn't ready to meet your needs or if you find you’re not willing to meet theirs and you are both profoundly unable to compromise, maybe letting go of that connection and being open to someone more compatible with your needs is the healthier way to go. “There's no doubt in my mind that when I've walked away from a very satisfying sexual encounter, I'm giggly and flying high. The elevated mood can last me days.” I was often taught that couples that love each other stay together until death. But I have never really bought into this belief. If I can’t make my partner happy, then I will love him enough to let him go so he can find happiness elsewhere. I'm sure the ex that hated foreplay and loved frequent sex has found his special someone that desires those same things. If we’d stayed together, we wouldn't have been happy. And that wouldn't have been due to lack of sex: we were having plenty of that, after all! So, in conclusion, honour your needs, talk about your desires, and listen to your partner when they tell you about their needs and desires. Then, act. For me, this has been the fastest way to a happy and fulfilled sex life. ● Main image: colourbox.com Written by Sienna Saint-Cyr Sienna Saint-Cyr is an author, advocate, and the founder of SinCyr Publishing. She speaks at conventions, workshops, and for private gatherings on the importance of having a healthy body image, understanding enthusiastic consent, using sexuality to promote healing, navigating diverse or non-traditional relationships, having Complex PTSD, and more. Sienna loves sharing her journey of healing and finding happiness with her readers. Along with writing erotica and romance, Sienna speaks at conventions, workshops, and for private gatherings on such sex-positive topics as a healthy body image, using sexuality to promote healing, and navigating diverse or non-traditional relationships. She writes for several websites. Find out more.

Most worrying doesn't solve anything and only leads to anxiety. From 'mind cleaning' to 'worrying by appointment', Dee Marques explains five key strategies that will help you stop worrying about the future and keep you in the present. If there’s one thing that’s common to all human beings, it's our intense desire to find happiness. And although the journey to happiness is paved with different types of obstacles, there’s something that often gets in our way: worry. According to this infographic, a staggering amount of people (two out of every five – 40 per cent) describe themselves as “worriers”. Furthermore, many of them admit they don’t know how to stop worrying about the future. Worrying per se is not harmful. From an evolutionary perspective, humans have developed the ability to worry for a reason, possibly as a defence mechanism that became essential for survival. In other words, we learned to worry so we could avoid dangerous or threatening situations. Indeed, a certain degree of worry about what the future holds can help us come up with action plans to improve the quality of our lives. But, as with everything else, there's a place and a time for everything, and extremes are unhealthy. If you have a tendency to worry, you’ll benefit from knowing how it could be affecting your well-being, and which techniques will help you stop worrying about the future. Why worrying about the future is unhealthy Constant worry can easily lead to anxiety, which, in turn, can lead to mental illness. Anxiety disorders are among the most common mental health issues at a global level, with almost 300 million people affected every year. The fact that they are so common tells us it’s easy to let worry snowball into something chronic that takes over your perceptions, thoughts, and actions. Why worry? If it's making you anxious, it's time to break the habit Excessive worries are bad for your mental health, but this habit can also affect your physical health. Worrying is not enjoyable and you feel anxious while these thoughts remain. Anxiety is proven to have a negative impact on health, causing a range of conditions from headaches to respiratory and heart disease and digestive disorders. It can also interfere with your cognitive skills: a recent study found that constant anxiety causes a spike in a protein linked to Alzheimer’s disease. Then there’s the social aspect of excessive worrying about the future, as it can have a negative impact on your relationships and stop you from enjoying bonds with family and friends. And as famous watchmaker Corrie ten Boom once said, “worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength”. You know it’s time to learn how to stop worrying about the future if this habit interferes with your well-being and cripples your decision-making ability. Worrying about the future: how to stop it The negative effects of this destructive habit are wide-ranging and underline the importance of learning how to stop worrying about the future. Here are four practical techniques you can develop to get yourself out of the worry trap and focus on the here and now. 1. Prevention The first step is identifying the triggers and cultivating awareness about your own thoughts and mental processes. It's impossible to learn how to stop worrying about the future if you don't know what triggers the worrying cycle. Think about which limiting beliefs are causing you to worry. For example, thoughts such as worrying because you don’t want to be caught off-guard, to prevent disappointment, or because it’s a way of showing that you care. These ideas have a positive intention, but they’re still limiting instead of enabling. 2. Dealing with worry Another thing you should know is that you can step out of the negative cycle so these thoughts don’t dominate your thinking process. Ask yourself the following three things: Whether the worrying thought is true. Worries that involve the future deal with events that haven’t happened yet, so it’s impossible to decide if they're true or not. Moreover, some studies show that 85 per cent of what we worry about either doesn’t happen or is not as bad as we imagined. In some cases, the worrying thoughts are true. For example, maybe you’ve been made redundant and now constantly worry about what your future will look like without a job. It’s important to understand that some things are unavoidable and there’s nothing we can do, which doesn’t mean we are failures. We can’t possibly prepare for everything that’s in store, but we can prepare to be stronger and handle the situation productively. “You know it’s time to learn how to stop worrying about the future if this habit interferes with your well-being and cripples your decision-making ability.” Ask yourself how important is the worrying thought and grade it on a scale on one to ten. If it’s below five, it’s not really important, so move onto the next step. If it’s above five, move onto next step all the same. Now ask yourself, “Is the thought helpful?”. If it’s not (almost certainly!), you can train yourself to observe unhelpful thoughts from the outside without letting them take over. If you learn to be an observer of your thoughts instead of a 'sufferer', you’ll become less sensitive to negative emotions. Establishing a mindfulness practice is one of the most effective things you can do to achieve this and learn how to stop worrying about the future. 3. Mind cleaning Excessive worry about future events creates 'noise' that can be countered with mind-cleaning techniques. There’s a good selection of things to try here, but let’s draw attention to an easy one to get you started into the habit of cleaning your mind intentionally. It’s called Blue Sky Visualization, and these are the steps to follow: Find a quiet space and make yourself comfortable. Visualize a dark and gloomy sky, peppered with thunderstorm clouds. If you worry excessively, you’ll be familiar with that feeling as negative thoughts cloud your mind. Notice how even in the gloomiest of skies, the darkness isn’t uniform: there’ll be spaces where the clouds are not as dense, or small clearings in the sky. Focus your attention on those. Visualize sun rays peeking through, eventually growing more intense, and tune up the intensity of the scene (e.g. brighter yellow sun rays, brighter white clouds, and eventually a brighter blue sky). Allow yourself to revel in the new environment. 4. Take care of yourself Establishing a self-care routine can help you become stronger and less vulnerable to excessive worry. Moreover, it’ll help you focus on the present and on taking small and positive steps each day. What you eat and drink matters for both physical and emotional well-being, so it would be a good idea to cut down on sugar, caffeine, and processed foods, and replace them with nourishing and wholesome alternatives. “Some studies show that 85 per cent of what we worry about either doesn’t happen or is not as bad as we imagined.” Exercise is also important. You don’t have to go overboard here, simply be consistent. You may also want to try progressive muscle relaxation to raise awareness about which parts of your body are under stress when you worry. The idea is to slowly tighten and relax the body muscles, one at the time, from forehead to feet. Don’t forget to indulge in the feeling of relaxation! Finally, be consistent with your sleep and waking routine, and avoid staying up until late, which may lead to negative thinking. RELATED: Good Mood Food 5. Worry 'by appointment' only When we talk about how to stop worrying about the future, we know it’s hard to break the habit right away. However, you can start by consciously limiting the time you devote to worry and doubt. What if you only gave yourself five minutes a day to worry? Set an alarm (making sure it’s not before bed time!) and give yourself a specific time to go over the things that worry you. Refuse to engage in worrying at any other times, and instead carry a notepad where you write your worries down to examine them later under a more rational lens, for example, by asking the questions described in point two above. The time is now: limit worry time © shutterstock/Look Studio The benefits of worrying less Trying to break a habit takes time and effort, but once you learn how to stop worrying about the future, you'll begin to see the great benefits it holds. Once you start focusing on the things you can act upon, you’re more likely to feel positive and motivated instead of letting uncertainty or your circumstances overwhelm you. A positive mindset can also strengthen your health and immune system by reducing stress levels. Concentrating on how to get more enjoyment out of the present will build appreciation for the simple pleasures in life. In addition, you’ll be able to focus on developing quality relationships that contribute to your happiness. More importantly, you’ll build the skills needed to control negative thoughts, and that’s something you should be proud of! As hard as it may seem now, you should know that it is possible to learn how to stop worrying about the future. The habit didn’t take hold overnight, so breaking it and learning to take control over it will require conscious practice. Train your mind and make a deliberate effort following the suggestions in this article, until your mind becomes stronger than your worrying habit. ● Main image: shutterstock/pathdoc happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ sharing and supporting others in our happiness forum ■ developing with free online classes in our Academy Resilience | Authenticity | Courage Written by Dee Marques A social sciences graduate with a keen interest in languages, communication, and personal development strategies. Dee loves exercising, being out in nature, and discovering warm and sunny places where she can escape the winter.

Confidence is a powerful quality that sometimes slips away from us. But you can rebuild and strengthen it confidence with meditation. Ann Vrlak offers up a meditative practice that you can incorporate into your daily life to build resolution, courage and faith in yourself. Confidence is a quality that pretty much everyone admires and most of us would like to have just a bit more of. It’s a powerful quality that we all define a little differently based on our values and personal history. I’ll talk later about how knowing your definition can help you be more confident. Here are a few of my ideas about what confidence is and why it’s such a great quality to nurture. When you’re confident, you have a simple, unshakeable trust in yourself. You know who you are, what your talents and gifts are, as well as the places you may still want to grow. You know you can handle whatever comes your way, either the expected or the unexpected. You’re not even troubled by what others might think of you because you know yourself. It’s not as if you feel invincible or nothing can hurt you. But you have learned through experience that you’ve made it through challenging situations – some big ones and lots of everyday ones. You know how to problem solve, handle a difficult emotion, resolve a conflict with someone close to you, or take time for healing. Sounds pretty awesome, doesn’t it? What can you do when you’re confident? First of all, real confidence doesn't mean having a big ego. When you have real confidence, you don’t need to prove anything to yourself or to anyone else. Build confidence through meditation practice shutterstock/Krakenimages.com When you’re confident, other people can feel it. They may not even know why they like you and feel calm around you. You’ll feel like a stable rock in a river: solid and present while events happen all around you. Maybe you already know someone like that. Furthermore, you’re more open and perceptive. You’re not spending energy on self-doubt or wondering what other people might think of you. You’re paying attention to what’s happening and how to respond in a genuine, clear and caring way. What builds confidence? So, how do you build or strengthen your confidence? It happens in two ways: Through responding skillfully to internal and external experiences of different kinds By finding a place of strength at the centre of your being You learn how to respond to the internal experiences we all have: thoughts, physical pain, worries, emotions, stress. And you learn to do the same with external experiences: conflicts with others, financial pressures, challenges at school. How do you learn this? Through practise. You watch for ways to practise confidence: over and over in day-to-day life and through practising meditation for confidence. “Real confidence doesn't mean having a big ego. When you have real confidence, you don’t need to prove anything to yourself or to anyone else.” I’m going to show you a specific meditation for confidence practice. However, any traditional meditation practice can build your confidence: by teaching you, step by step, to meet every inner and outer experience with kindness and curiosity and, in doing this, discovering an unshakeable centre inside you. “You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.' You must do the thing you think you cannot do.” ― Eleanor Roosevelt As you practise these skills, on the quiet of your meditation seat, you’ll automatically see how your confidence with external events changes. You’ll gradually shift from tensing or withdrawing from discomfort, to being more open and curious – and confident. Meditation increases curiosity and confidence shutterstock/New Africa It’s helpful to know that meditation is a life practice that, at first, goes against the grain. When something feels uncomfortable, inside or outside of us, we’re biologically wired to get away from it. It’s a smart and functional survival tool! Most of us have developed a whole range of ways to “get away,” by binge watching media, eating, drinking and other distractions. You might feel temporarily better because you avoided the discomfort. But, you haven’t learned how to handle it any better the next time. And, not only that, you reinforce the belief that you can’t handle it and your confidence takes a dive. Meditation for confidence practice Would you like to try a meditation for confidence practice? Most people find this one really enjoyable, myself included! It’s based on creating a strong visualization of yourself in a confident state. It has three steps. Step 1 Explore and define what confidence means to you. Why? Because confidence probably means something quite different to you than it does to me. And knowing what the confident you looks and feels like will be a guiding star to finding that confidence. Sit or lie down comfortably and close your eyes. Take a minute to breathe and relax. Think about the word confidence and what it means for you. Do you see pictures, images or scenes? Spend a few minutes, enriching this picture and the feeling of confidence. What do you see and hear and feel? What are you doing? Are other people there with you? Who are they? What’s happening? Enjoy and amplify this feeling of confidence for as long as you like. When you’re done, you can journal about your experience for a moment. Jot down what feels most important and meaningful to you about your desire to be confident. What would it enable you to do and be? Step 2 Link these empowering images and feelings to a physical anchor. Choose a part of your body, like an ear lobe or an elbow, that you don’t usually touch in your daily activities. This will be your anchor for the practice. Bring your confidence image to mind and, when it’s at its most vivid peak, touch your chosen anchor. Keep your finger on your anchor, until the image begins to fade. When it does, remove your finger, and reconnect with your picture of confidence. When it feels strong once again, place your finger back on your anchor. Do this for a few rounds. To finish, let go of the images, and relax for a few breaths. Touch your anchor one last time to invoke the feeling of confidence. If you feel confident, wonderful, and if not, don’t worry. Take one more breath to allow it to emerge on its own, don’t chase it. The strength of your anchor will build over time. Feel more confident with this meditation practice Step 3 Use your anchor in a meditation for confidence. Here’s how to do this. Get comfortable again in a seated posture this time. Close your eyes and relax your body. Bring to mind a situation, in the past or future, that makes you feel less confident than you would like. Choose something that triggers some uncertainty or insecurity. Don’t choose anything too serious, maybe a presentation you need to make at work tomorrow or a disagreement last week with your partner where you didn’t speak up for yourself. See and feel the situation for a moment. Then touch your finger to your anchor. Do you feel a bit of confidence infusing the picture? Again, don’t force it. See if you can relax a little and allow some of the confidence to mix with your uncomfortable situation. Release the pressure on your anchor. It’s helpful to do a few repetitions in one session. Imagine the challenging situation, touch your anchor, allow the situation and the confidence to come into contact for as long as feels right, and then release your touch. Take a few breaths and start again. Now you know a complete meditation for confidence practice. You’ll notice it isn’t about convincing yourself you should be confident or criticizing any feelings of insecurity you might have. Instead, you’re creating and embodying a genuine sense of confidence that is much more powerful than any idea. “A confidence meditation practice holds a profound lesson that we can all benefit from: you don't need to make difficult experiences go away to feel better.” Once you’ve strengthened the connection with your anchor, you can use it in any type of meditation practice, like watching your breath or doing a body scan. Whenever you feel something uncomfortable or unpleasant, use your anchor. Stay in meditation, touch your anchor and connect with your felt experience of confidence. RELATED: Visualization meditation – how to practise it A confidence meditation practice holds a profound lesson that we can all benefit from: you don’t need to make difficult experiences go away to feel better – and you also don’t need to go away from them through distraction or unhealthy habits. Just add confidence to your experience. Feel your own strength and resourcefulness, and you may be surprised at how much better you feel. It’s like filling a glass: it can be filled with worries and insecurity or it can be filled with confidence. As you connect with and nurture your sense of resourcefulness and strength, your glass will be filled and worries just won’t have anywhere to go. I recommend doing this kind of practice whenever you can. I think you’ll enjoy it. • Main image: shutterstock/mimagephotography happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ learn with free online classes in our happiness Academy Written by Ann Vrlak Ann Vrlak is Founder of OneSelf Meditation and a meditation practitioner for over 25 years. She’s a Certified Meditation Teacher for adults and for children (the best job ever!). She loves to share how the perspective and practice of meditation can support people with their everyday stresses and on their journey of self-discovery.

There have been many feel-good health and environmental stories this past month, but you may have missed reading about them in the mainstream press. Ed Gould rounds up his Top Ten positive news stories from the past month to uplift and inspire. February tends to be one of the gloomiest months in the calendar where, in the Northern hemisphere at least, it's usually dark, cold and wet. And with the mainstream news still full of Coronavirus updates, we all need some positive news to brighten our day. Here are our Top 10 uplifting feel-good stories from February. Feel-good news from February: our Top 10 picks 1. Bio-ink used for the first time to 3D print bones Over the past decade, the new technology of 3D printing artificial implants for patients has started to be more widely used. However, Physics World reported in February that a new calcium-rich bio-ink was being used for the first time to make bones that could then be used by surgeons. Portuguese researchers have made what they call a nanocomposite bio-ink which can be 3D printed with the sort of bioactive materials found in real bone structures. It’s hoped that this pioneering new technique will eventually support a range of bone-related treatments. 2. Spanish city makes electricity from unused oranges Seville oranges may be known the world over for being particularly tasty, but the city authorities int he Spanish city have been using them for a purpose other than as a food source. As reported in the Guardian, leftover oranges have been allowed to ferment and create a type of citric acid that, in turn, has derived methane. In a pilot scheme, this gas has subsequently been used to generate electrical power. Some 35 tonnes of oranges were used to generate a clean form of electricity to run one of the city’s water purification plants and now the project may be upscaled to produce more green, orange power! Seville oranges have a new purpose shutterstock/Aranami 3. Coffee-based housing developed in Colombia And now to other food-recycling news. Colombia may be known as one of the world's great coffee producers but ecological engineers in the country have come up with a new use for the crop. Other than drinking it, they’ve developed a low-cost housing solution for many of the poorest people in the country. The coffee husks used to form the walls and roofs of the buildings would normally be seen as a waste product. According to EcoWatch, the start-up firm behind the idea, it has made prefabricated sections of housing which people should be able to put together easily themselves. 4. New German plastic may help to end wastage A newly-developed plastic derived from plant material has been created by a research team at the University of Konstanz in Germany. The material is a type of polyethylene, the most commonly used plastic around the world that’s found in so much packaging. According to Anthropocene magazine, the new plastic is made from land-grown vegetation and micro-oils derived from algae. What marks the material out – other than it not being derived from fossil fuels – is that it can be recycled with a near-perfect efficacy rate. Indeed, the recycling method needs relatively low temperatures, too, something that makes it more energy-efficient than similar processes currently in operation. 5. Mindfulness shown to help combat social isolation, study finds A team at the University of Cambridge’s School of Medicine, led by Dr Christopher Williams, has found that mindfulness and laughter can help to protect people from the ill-effects of loneliness. Social isolation has long been a problem in some quarters of the UK but it has got worse due to the lockdowns that have been imposed in the country. This is why Williams began to look into the issue. His research showed that mindfulness-meditation along with the use of certain technologies, such as robotic pets, could help people to overcome the worst effects of loneliness. According to the academics involved, a combination of educational and psychological interventions appear to be best in this regard. RELATED: Mindfulness vs meditation – understanding the difference 6. Endangered mammal cloned to help ensure its survival A rare species of ferret native to North America has been cloned in an effort to help build up its population numbers in the wild. The cloning took place in late 2020 and used the cells of a black-footed ferret that was cryogenically preserved in the late 1980s. The newly created ferret – named Elizabeth Ann – first went on show in February 2021 once it had started to show normal signs of development. The US Fish and Wildlife Service was involved with the project which will help to boost survival chances of the black-footed ferret. Currently, they only number around 300 in special reserve sites. The black-footed ferret shutterstock/Kerry Hargrove 7. Green tea found to help prevent cancer According to i-News, green tea can help to fight cancer and also prevent it from occurring in the first place. The report into the beverage was focussed on the ingredient epigallocatechin gallate (EGCG), found in the leaves of green tea. Incredibly, researchers at the Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute in New York discovered that this anti-oxidant helps to prevent the mutations associated with over half of all human cancers. EGCG works by increasing levels of p53, a natural anti-cancer protein found in the body. It’s hoped it can be harnessed to develop new cancer treatments in the future. RELATED: Best teas for bloating 8. Yoga helps to treat migraine headaches, clinical trial finds According to a recently conducted clinical trial, migraines are treatable if yoga and mindfulness-based stress reduction (MBSR) techniques are followed. Rebecca Erwin Wells, associate professor of neurology at the Wake Forest School of Medicine, said that her research showed these non-drug-based treatment methods were extremely successful in the majority of people. “Mindfulness can help people to find new ways of responding to stress, a commonly reported trigger for migraine headaches,” she said. In the trial, 89 adults with a history of suffering from migraines were assigned yoga exercises and MBSR sessions over eight weeks at random. Yoga can help reduce headaches shutterstock/GingerKitten 9. Carbon-neutral shipping to become a reality earlier than expected The Danish shipping company, Moller-Maersk, has been at the forefront of making the world's cargo container transportation system greener. The company has said it aims to be carbon neutral by 2050 including the adoption of zero-carbon container shipping by then, a technology that does not currently exist at any scale. That said, according to a report in the Financial Times, the shipping giant will launch its first carbon-neutral vessel within two years, some seven years ahead of the target it had set for itself. 10. Simple prostate cancer test developed A report in Science Daily suggested that prostate cancer could become much more easily detected in the future thanks to a new technique. Instead of needing to rely on an invasive biopsy, researchers from the University of Michigan have come up with a way of detecting the disease from a urine sample. It’s hoped that this will lead to an increase in the numbers of people being tested for prostate cancer, thereby enabling many more earlier interventions. • Main image: shutterstock/Alex Yuzhkov happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ develop with free online classes in our happiness Academy Positive news | Nature | Biology Written by Ed Gould Ed Gould is a UK-based journalist and practitioner of Reiki.