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With so many books on meditation available, how do you pick the best one to suit your needs? Answer? Just listen to the advice of meditation and mindfulness teacher Ann Vrlak: she's read them all. Discover the four themes she suggests to help guide you in the right direction. As a lifelong meditator and meditation teacher for ten years, I must have read a small library of books on meditation and spirituality. So, if you ask me, like many of my students have, “What’s the best book on meditation?” I would say, “It depends on why you’re interested in meditation.” Would you like to know how you can make meditation part of a healthy, everyday routine? Are you tired of emotional patterns that hold you back? Do you have a yearning to understand the perennial spiritual questions such as “Who am I?” and “Why am I here?” With these questions in mind, I’ve divided this list of the best books on meditation into themes. Choose one that you feel fits you best right now with regards to what you’re currently looking for or interested in. You can come back to reading the other books as you progress on your meditation journey. Lay back and discover the best books on meditation These days there are many apps and podcasts about mindfulness and meditation out there to guide you through exercises step by step. They’re a wonderful way to get a taste of different meditation styles and practices. But if you want to have a fuller picture of meditation – what it is, how it works and how it is relevant to you and your life – books on meditation could be the best place to begin. Firstly, what is meditation exactly? Each of our pick of meditation books in this list will answer this question, in slightly different ways. But don’t let those differing perspectives worry you! The versatility of meditation is one reason it has been an enduring, worldwide practice for hundreds of years. The best definition of meditation is: it's a practice to help you see and understand yourself in an increasingly complete way. It’s a practice, that can have many forms, that invites you to closely and compassionately investigate your body, mind and spirit. “This list of the best books on meditation is divided into themes. Choose one that you feel fits you best right now with regards to what you're interested in.” The central idea is that we are much more than our usual day-to-day stream of activities, plans, thoughts and emotions. Everyday living is always at the centre of true meditation, treated with kindness and respect, while going on a journey to discover what else we are. The journey is a loving, clear-eyed way to answer the age-old questions of your identity and purpose in life. • JOIN US! Sign up to learn more about meditation and mindfulness • Big questions, aren’t they? And meditation teachers through the ages, who you can learn from in these books, will tell you it’s possible for each of us to find genuine answers that change us. And, though the journey may not always be comfortable, it is full of rewards. The best books on meditation In a way, I’ve manufactured the following themes. The unique thing about meditation is, when you understand and experience one of these themes in a new way, the others follow automatically. A bit more mental clarity will give you some emotional calm which will help you gain some life balance, and so on. Still, if one of these four themes hits the mark for you, start with one of the books that focuses on your interest: The big picture: understanding core meditation principles and practices Clear thinking and balanced emotions Life balance and overall health Spiritual meaning and growth • The big picture: understanding core meditation principles and practices • Even though meditation has become much more mainstream in the last 20 years, it’s still something that causes confusion. Is it about stopping my thoughts? Or, being peaceful all the time? Or, will it conflict with my religious or spiritual beliefs? There are many books written by experienced and caring teachers who can help to demystify meditation and explain how it can help you with the same everyday experiences that have troubled people for hundreds of years: worry, loneliness, depression, lack of meaning, dissatisfaction and more. I wholeheartedly recommend these two books: 1. Meditation for Beginners: Jack Kornfield Jack Kornfield is a gentle, expert guide to meditation. In this book, Kornfield explains the what, how and why of a regular meditation practice in plain language. Meditation for Beginners is a jargon-free book that will take you step-by-step through a range of practices and how they can help you cope with challenging experiences and grow your sense of innate well-being. 2. Real Happiness: Sharon Salzberg Sharon Salzberg is another teacher and writer who has a gift for describing meditation in simple, engaging language. Real Happiness... is a comprehensive overview of the principles and practices of meditation, centred around developing three key skills: concentration, mindfulness and loving-kindness. Each chapter offers a short discussion, practices or exercises, and often an answer to a common question about a meditation topic. • Meditation for everyday living and balance • How can meditation help me have a more balanced, healthy and positive life? Here are two books that answer this question in different ways: 3. Making Space: Thich Nhat Hanh Making Space is a short, refreshing read from Thich Nhat Hanh about how to establish a meditation practice. It’s full of tips and insights on how to set up a routine that will be meaningful and inviting for you. I especially love the many creative practices the author includes for “outside of meditation” – a range of things you can do to bring meditative awareness to what you do in your day. These deceptively simple exercises will start to increase your MQ – Meditative Quotient. 4. The Book of Secrets: Deepak Chopra Deepak Chopra has written countless books on meditation, spirituality and health. As a long-time spiritual practitioner and physician, he writes with authority about meditation as a core skill for self-awareness, growth and vibrant health. • JOIN US! Sign up to learn more about meditation and mindfulness • Many of Chopra’s books could be on a 'best books on meditation' list, but I chose The Book of Secrets because of its many surprises! Chopra’s choice of topics and the creative ways he writes about them opened by mind to the 'hidden dimensions' of my own life. Chapters like 'What You Seek, You Already Are' and 'You Are Truly Free When You Are Not a Person' had a great influence on me and my teaching. • Clear thinking and emotional balance • Most of us become interested in meditation because we just want to feel better. It seems the same troubling emotions and ways of thinking have been with us our whole lives, and that they will never change. These two books are a great place to learn where and how change is possible: 5. Radical acceptance: Tara Brach, Ph.D. Tara Brach is a popular Buddhist teacher because of her approachable, compassionate teaching. Brach is also a clinical psychologist who uses her in-depth experience with people’s day-to-day struggles to discuss the power of meditation. I recommend her first best-seller Radical Acceptance for its far-reaching look at emotional balance and health. “Each of the meditation books in this list is written by an experienced teacher trusted by people all over the world. You’ll be in good hands.” The central idea of the book is that many of us have lifelong habits of self-criticism and perfectionism that leave us in a subconscious state of “I’m not OK.” Brach sees the healing of this core “mistake” as the way to release self-harming beliefs and emotions. As the misunderstanding falls away, so does inner conflict which increases our happiness and allows us to connect with others from a place of greater wholeness. 6. When Things Fall Apart: Pema Chödrön Pema Chödrön is a beloved Buddhist teacher who has been writing and teaching for over 40 years. Her humble and humorous approach to teaching comes from a “we’re all in this together” perspective. She is a skilled translator of Buddhist philosophy and practices into understandable modern language. Chödrön is someone who has a deep understanding of unhappiness in all its forms: from day-to-day anxiety, to depression, to despair, and she is a master at kindly meeting you where you are. In When Things Fall Apart there are many times where she describes my own mental or emotional confusion in a way that is so accurate, I know she must have travelled the same road and had found ways to respond and grow through meditation. • Spiritual meaning and growth • Meditation came out of people’s quest for answers to the perennial questions about identity and purpose. Indeed, people’s confusion and unhappiness are the same today as they have always been, as has our desire for clarity and happiness. These two books by modern spiritual masters take in-depth looks at these questions and how we can find the answers ourselves. 7. The Power of Now: Eckhart Tolle The Power of Now is a complete examination of why and how we experience confusion, doubt, fear, disconnection and unhappiness, and how we can uncover the part of us that is free of these difficulties. Eckhart Tolle explains the source of this unhappiness as the forgetting of our true nature, as spiritual beings. He explains how we can all rediscover the true nature, that we all share, by going fully into this moment – the power of now. This book on meditation could easily be in the 'Classics' section below! 8. True Meditation: Adyashanti In a series of simple essays, Western teacher Adyashanti turns around the core misunderstandings about meditation. In True Meditation he describes how true meditation is less a practice of doing various techniques, than allowing who you already are to show itself. Chapters like, 'Allow everything to be as it is,' 'Ending the war with your mind,' and 'Our natural tendency is to awaken' draw a picture of meditating as a letting go of effort – something that's not usually associated with meditation! Adyashanti comes from a Zen Buddhist background, but uses clear, everyday language to invite you to investigate your experience with fresh eyes. The book comes with a CD of three core practices. Bonus 1: books for kids One of my favourite things to do in mindfulness classes with kids is reading a book. There are many wonderful books out there you can use at home with the children in your life. These are a few of my favourites – and kids’ too! Peaceful Piggy Meditation; Mindful Monkey, Happy Panda; and, Moody Cow Meditates by Kerry Lee MacLean. Awesomely cute, funny and heartwarming books with meditation themes. Planting Seeds: Practicing Mindfulness with Children by Thich Nhat Hanh and the Plum Village Community. A children's book on meditation filled with love and respect for kids, and how to nurture them through simple, meditation practices. The paperback comes with a CD of guided exercises. Bonus 2: classics Would you like to read a meditation classic – a book that different teachers, across traditions recommend to students as a comprehensive discussion of meditation? They are written by people who teach from a place of lived knowledge, from embodying a meditative life. Here are five of the best: I Am That by Nisargadatta Maharaj Be As You Are: The Teachings of Ramana Maharshi by David Godman Wherever You Go, There You Are by Jon Kabat-Zinn Zen Mind, Beginner’s Mind by Shunryu Suzuki Tao Te Ching by Lao Tsu The takeaway: best books on meditation Each of the books on meditation in this list is written by an experienced teacher trusted by people all over the world. You’ll be in good hands whichever of these reads best suits you most. Remember that a little can go a long way. When an idea or practice grabs you, stay with it, contemplate it and practise it, and notice what changes for you. These best books on meditation will all help you experience meditation for yourself, rather than giving you concepts to believe. So, let these authors guide you to trusting yourself and being in awe of what you find! • Main image: shutterstock/alexandre zveiger happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ self-develop with free online classes in our happiness Academy Vedic Meditation | Gratitude Meditation | 6 Phase Meditation Written by Ann Vrlak Ann Vrlak is Founder of OneSelf Meditation and a meditation practitioner for over 25 years. She’s a Certified Meditation Teacher for adults and for children (the best job ever!). She loves to share how the perspective and practice of meditation can support people with their everyday stresses and on their journey of self-discovery.

A complex mystic ritual, a secret order, or a simple yet powerful universal phenomenon? Sonia Vadlamani explains how the law of manifestation works and suggests eight techniques that you can incorporate into your life. Oprah Winfrey likes to credit her success in life to a keen understanding of the law of attraction. And even centuries ago Plato seemed to know it too when he observed, “like attracts like”. If understood and applied correctly, the law of attraction and associated manifestation techniques could potentially change our worldview and bring about a positive shift in our lives. And although there is limited science to back up the suggestion that the law of attraction works, there are some studies out there that suggest just that. Law of Attraction aka Law of Manifestation The law of attraction states that we attract events and situations of similar frequency as our feelings, thoughts and beliefs. Be it consciously or without our knowledge, we constantly broadcast a vibrational energy that determines the circumstances, experiences and people we attract or repel. Also known as the law of manifestation, this tenet places emphasizes on the power that our thoughts can have over the outcomes or events in our lives. • SHARE IDEAS! Sign-up and discuss manifestation techniques in our forum • Manifestation works along a similar ideology: what you focus on becomes your reality. However, focusing your thoughts only isn’t enough to manifest your dreams – aside from the hard work involved it requires positive thinking and action on your behalf as well. The law of manifestation is based on the principle that your thoughts, beliefs, feelings and actions can transform into physical reality through focus and supportive action. 8 manifestation techniques to attract what you want Manifestation techniques are essentially practices or daily rituals which can help you achieve your dreams and goals. It’s possible that your subconscious mind may try to resist these practices at first but overcoming this and persisting with an open heart and mind is key to successful manifestation. 1. Sensory visualization The legendary heavyweight boxing champion Muhammed Ali credited visualization techniques for enhancing his performance in the ring. It can also prove to be a worthy exercise for those who lack a vivid imagination or have a difficult time picturing their dream life to be able to manifest it. Instead of using only one or part of your senses, this manifestation technique encourages you to experience your dream or vision by immersing all your senses. For example, if your dream is to build a fitter and stronger physique, start by picturing the day you achieve your goals. Imagine the way you’d look and feel, your improved health, your ability to pick up heavier objects with great ease, and your improved relationship with food. Indeed, involving all your senses in this manner offers a more wholesome visualization experience, enabling you to channel the law of manifestation more effectively. 2. Vision boards Also known as dream boarding, this manifestation technique is favoured for its simplicity and effectiveness. It involves curating images and inspirational quotes that resonate with your vision, to be displayed on a wall or a board, in a prominent place where you will see them every day. Dream boarding is a popular manifestation technique shutterstock/Dasha Petrenko There is some evidence that vision boards work. A survey conducted by TD Bank on 1,100 individuals and 500 small business owners revealed that one in five business owners used a vision board to create their business plans. Furthermore, 76 per cent of those had already achieved what they had envisioned using the dream board they originally created. This survey backs up the idea that the process of finding the pictures and words that resonate with your goals can help in strengthening your commitment towards fulfilling them. Also, looking at the board each day serves as a constant reminder of your vision, inspiring you to put in the effort towards making the dream a reality with the help of an actionable plan. 3. Eliminate self-limiting beliefs A 2008 study published in Journal of Experimental Social Psychology revealed the role of belief perseverance in the way individuals continue to think of themselves and others, bolstered by their initial impressions. The study concludes that it’s difficult to shake off one’s initial set of opinions and beliefs, even when the underlying assumptions are proven false. The implications are serious, considering our brain makes most decisions based on the subconscious beliefs and thought patterns we ingrain over several years. “The law of manifestation is based on the principle that your thoughts, beliefs, feelings and actions can transform into physical reality through focus and supportive action.” A conscious belief assessment can be a reliable manifestation technique to reflect on your subconscious belief patterns, and to check if any of these thoughts contradict or undermine your ability to achieve what you’re trying to manifest. To prevent limiting thoughts from hampering your manifestation process, practise this daily along with supportive affirmations that reinforce your confidence. 4. Multi-perspective visualization In addition to visualizing your dreams and goals from a first-person perspective, you can introduce a third-person perspective to strengthen your manifestations: try to see yourself from an ‘outsider’s point of view’. Introducing multiple ‘vantage points’ or perspectives while visualizing your goals will help you review your actions to support this goal achievement, and alter your action plan, if needed. A study conducted by Brittany M. Christian et al on 400 participants pointed out the various characteristics of first-person vs third-person visual imagery. It concluded that while first-person visualizations tended to evoke more emotion and hence were more powerful, a third-person vantage point helped the participants make more informed and detached observations, enabling a better problem-solving approach. 5. Gratitude journaling A series of studies by Nathaniel M. Lambert et al concluded that developing an attitude of gratitude results in more positive life outcomes, greater sense of happiness and a higher degree of satisfaction. Making a daily gratitude list can enhance the power of your manifestations by elevating your consciousness and vibrational energy. RELATED: Top 5 benefits of gratitude practice 6. Manifestation affirmations Affirmations are positive statements designed to eliminate the negative tendencies of your subconscious mind and to reinforce empowering thoughts about your ability to achieve your dreams. A 2015 study by University of Pennsylvania pointed out that future-oriented self-affirmations can help break limiting subconscious patterns and create newer, more useful neural connections. Gratitude journaling is another manifestation technique shutterstock/Juice Flair This affirmation manifestation technique, which works with neuroplasticity, could involved you saying something like, “I’m worthy of receiving what I desire”, or “I believe the Universe is working alongside me to achieve what I’m manifesting”, or “I’m working whole-heartedly towards achieving the goals I’m manifesting”. 7. Focus wheel The focus wheel is a simple yet effective manifestation technique to shift your focus from limiting thoughts towards positive and energizing ones. Making one is easy: start by drawing a small circle on a paper or board and write down the goal or dream you currently wish to achieve. Next, jot down positive thoughts related to your main goal around the circle. “Manifestation techniques are essentially practices or daily rituals which can help you achieve your dreams and goals.” For example, if your goal is to achieve good health, the positive statements around it could be “I will exercise five days a week” and “I will make healthier, more conscious food choices.” This manifestation technique helps you to visualize your thoughts more clearly. 8. Act ‘as if’ A quicker way to attract what you want in your life may be by adopting the acting ‘as if’ practice developed by Alfred Adler. This manifestation technique advocates that acting as if you already achieved what you want – instead of waiting for it to become a reality – results in permanent behavioral changes which can then put you on the fast-track to really achieve what you're trying to manifest. • JOIN US! Sign-up and connect with a caring, curious and spiritual community • So, instead of theorizing and planning endlessly for a future event, this technique encourages you to spring into action now to live as if you already have everything you’re manifesting. Manifestation techniques: the takeaway Whether you desire to manifest love, success or happiness, manifestation techniques can prove to be powerful tools to help you bring the positive shift you desire. Although there is limited science to back up whether such techniques based on the law of attraction work, studies so far suggest they can definitely help you on your journey to getting what you want. Explore these manifesting techniques to see what works best for you – you can practise more than one or all at the same time, or even modify or combine them into a version that aligns with your vision. We’d love to know if they work (or don’t!) for you. Let us know in the comments below! • Main image: shutterstock/Teo Tarris happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Join free now and: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine ■ share and support in our happiness forum Gratitude | Motivation | Learning | Success Written by Sonia Vadlamani Fitness and healthy food blogger, food photographer and stylist, travel-addict and future self journaler. Sonia loves to write and has resolved to dedicate her life to revealing how easy and important it is to be happier, stronger and fitter each day. Follow her daily pursuits at FitFoodieDiary or on Instagram.

What exactly are the Four Agreements? Arlo Laibowitz explores these ancient suggestions for ways of living your life in happiness... Do self-help books help? This simple and provocative question is the title of an article by Ad Bergsma in the Journal of Happiness Studies. In this article, Bergsma studies the different types of psychological self-help books – such as The Four Agreements – and their possible positive effects. When discussing the arguments of opponents of these books, he coins existing terms to describe them: ‘psychobabble’, ‘false hope syndrome’, and the problem of ‘one-size fits all’. Still, there are positive effects to be noted. One of them, according to researcher Steven Starker is this: 'Of what value is an inspirational message to those in need of health, beauty, happiness, success and creativity? In general, it lifts the spirit, engenders and supports hope, and keeps people striving towards their goals; it also fends off feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, despair and depression. This constitutes its greatest service.' The Four Agreements is a self-help book by Mexican author Don Miguel Ruiz. It is, according to its author, a book based on ancient wisdom by the pre-Columbian Toltecs. The historicity of the Toltecs is a matter of scholarly debate, but, according to Ruiz, they were a group of scientists and artists who came together to explore and conserve the spiritual knowledge of the “ancient ones”. When looking closer at the book's content, there are parallels with modern psychology and cognitive therapy, with spiritual and mindfulness teachings, and with general happiness practices that are being researched and supported by modern psychology. What are the Four Agreements? Esoteric psychobabble, valuable ancient wisdom, or borrowed ideas? Whatever the Four Agreements are, they have given me and many others hope and have fended off the despair that Starker speaks of. So, what are the Four Agreements exactly? And how can they help us to attain more happiness? Four Agreements: summary Put in their most basic form, the Four Agreements are: 1. Be impeccable with your word Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love. 2. Don’t take anything personally Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering. This also includes the voices inside your mind. 3. Don’t make assumptions Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. 4. Always do your best Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to unwell. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgement, self-abuse and regret. Sounds simple, right? No hocus-pocus or fancy spiritualism. However, when looking at the meat of The Four Agreements book, things get a bit more complicated, but also more interesting. Toltec wisdom and The Dream of the World The structure of The Four Agreements is like an oreo: the agreements are sandwiched in between spiritual guidance and thoughts. At the beginning of the book, Ruiz starts off with some Toltec mythology, and introducing the concept of “the dream of the world”: that is an important prerequisite to understanding the meaning of the agreements themselves. The Toltec had their own mythology, that stated that a couple of thousands of years ago, a man studied to be a medicine man, and discovered that everything is made of light and that all existence is one living being. “Whatever the Four Agreements are, they have given me and many others hope and fended off despair.” One passage from the book reads as follows: "This is what he discovered: everything in existence is a manifestation of the one living being we call God. Everything is God. And he concluded that human perception is merely light perceiving light. He also saw that matter is a mirror — everything is a mirror that reflects light and creates images of that light — and the world of illusion, the Dream, is just like smoke which doesn't allow us to see what we really are. […] Once he knew what he really was, he looked around at other humans and the rest of nature, and was amazed at what he saw. He saw himself in everything — in every human, in every animal, in every tree, in the water, in the rain, in the clouds, in the earth.” When reading this passage for the first time, it might strike you as very similar to the Buddhist notion of the illusion of the separate self, known as Anatta. The teaching of the Self and Not-Self is instrumental in the path to happiness, as they are associated with processes of acceptance and letting go. This is also very familiar to the philosophy of Alan Watts, especially The Book: On the Taboo Against Knowing Who You Are. In it, Watts argues very similar concepts of the illusion of the Ego, and the arguable truth that the Universe “peoples”: that we are extensions of the universe, reflecting on itself. Our path to happiness lies in embracing that reality, instead of clinging on to notions of the Ego and the Self that separate us from others and the world at large. A happier outlook on the world is recognising the connectedness we have to the world. The Dream of the World Next, Ruiz discusses what he calls the Dream of the World. Recognising that what we perceive as reality is but a dream, how is this dream made? Don Miguel Ruiz argues that truth is replaced in our world by symbols, words, which are only illusions. As children, we believe what adults tell us about the world, and we start to dream with others in the world. Our dream tells us how to act in the world, what to believe and what not, what is acceptable behaviour and what isn't, what is right and what is wrong, what is good and what is bad. We accept all of these notions because we make agreements with ourselves and the world. We create an inner Judge, and this Judge constantly judges and punishes us when we don’t live up to our self-created agreements. In this process, we create the Victim, who carries guilt, and gets punished over and over again. This notion of the Judge and the Victim strongly resembles the ideas that Kristin Neff introduces in her method of Mindful Self Compassion, and especially in her article 'The Role of Self-Compassion in Development: A Healthier Way to Relate to Oneself'. She analyses the way we develop notions of self-judgement, and thereby neglect self-compassion. In our development, we create notions of self-esteem that are detrimental to us, for we cannot live up to our own standards. The answer to this self-judgement is self-compassion, a method to be more kind, more compassionate, towards ourselves. RELATED: How to practise self-compassion – 6 proven techniques Neff writes: "We know we are not what we believe we are supposed to be and so we feel false, frustrated, and dishonest. We try to hide ourselves, and we pretend to be what we are not. The result is that we feel unauthentic and wear social masks to keep others from noticing this. We are so afraid that somebody else will notice that we are not what we pretend to be. “We judge others according to our image of perfection as well, and naturally, they fall short of our expectations. We dishonour ourselves just to please other people. We even harm our physical bodies just to be accepted by others. […] Therefore we live in a dream of hell, and we search for a way to transform this into a dream of heaven. To escape our dream of hell, we have to break old agreements, that are fear based, and reclaim our freedom and power. The four agreements help us breaking down all our old agreements.” So, this is how all of this relates to the Four Agreements that Ruiz proposes afterwards. Because we create a divide between ourselves and the world, the Universe, and because we create the Judge/Victim dichotomy within ourself, we live in tension, we feel inauthentic and dishonest. We make toxic agreements with ourselves about ourselves, and about our relationships with others. The Four Agreements help us to replace these toxic agreements with newer, happier agreements. The Four Agreements: the long version 1. Be impeccable with your word "Be impeccable with your word. This is the first agreement that you should make if you want to be free if you want to be happy […] Use the word in the correct way. Use the word to share your love. Use white magic, beginning with yourself. Tell yourself how wonderful you are, how great you are. Tell yourself how much you love yourself. Use the word to break all those teeny, tiny agreements that make you suffer.” The first agreement sounds simple. But, it encompasses a couple of different notions. Literally, impeccable means “without sin”. Don Miguel Ruiz invites us to be without sin in our words, as the first way to replace our old agreements with new ones. Both the words we utter to ourselves, and that words that we utter to others. If we love ourselves, we use kind words to ourselves, instead of committing the ’sin’ of going against yourself. We take responsibility for our actions, but we don’t judge or blame ourselves. If we love others, we don’t gossip or talk badly to or about them, but we share our common humanity. The Four Agreements does not allow for gossiping shutterstock/rawpixel.com This first agreement has strong connection to both ‘mindset’, as proposed by psychologist Carol Dweck, and with the fundamentals of Neuro-Linguistic Programming [NLP], as can be found in Brian Colbert's writings. The idea of mindset, and especially of ‘growth mindset’, states that we can develop and alter our abilities through dedication and work. NLP engages its practitioners in the power of language and how we use it internally, to impact how we view and experience ourselves and the world. Call it impeccability with our word, ‘growth mindset’, or NLP. In any case, we can live happier lives if we use our words (for example with these NLP happiness techniques), both internally and to others, for good. 2. Don’t take anything personally "During the period of our education, or our domestication, we learn to take everything personally. We think we are responsible for everything. Me, me, me, always me! Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of them.” Ruiz argues that everything that others say or do is because of their dream, not because of us. This goes for both criticism, but also for positive comments that others make about us. We don’t have to take any of that personally. When we stop taking things personally, we don’t get hurt anymore by others and can keep being impeccable with our word in our communication with them. Furthermore, he argues that we don’t even have to take ourselves, or the things we say to ourselves, personally. "If you live without fear, if you love, there is no place for any of those emotions. If you don’t feel any of those emotions, it is logical that you will feel good. When you feel good, everything around you is good. When everything around you is great, everything makes you happy. You love everything that is around you because you love yourself. Because you like the way you are because you are content with you. Because you are happy with your life […] happy with your agreements with life.” The notion of not taking anything personally, and finding communication that is non-confrontational to leave space for the other to live their ‘dream', resonates strongly with the idea of Non-Violent Communication [NVC]. Originally developed by Marshall Rosenberg, NVC focuses on three aspects of communication: self-empathy (deep and compassionate awareness of one's own experience) empathy (understanding of the heart in which we see the beauty in the other person) honest self-expression (expressing oneself authentically in a way that is likely to inspire compassion in others) NVC proposes that if people can identify their needs, the needs of others, and the feelings that surround these needs, harmony can be achieved. 3. Don’t make assumptions "We tend to make assumptions about everything. The problem with making assumptions is that we believe they are the truth. We could swear they are real. We make assumptions about what others are doing or thinking — we take it personally — then we blame them and react by sending emotional poison with our word.” Don Miguel Ruiz argues that most of our suffering stems from our tendency to make assumptions. We find this notion as well in Cognitive Therapy, and especially in the research of Aaron Beck. Beck states that we have cognitive distortions, or thinking patterns, that interfere with how we perceive an event. These distortions can feed negative emotions and communication. Don't assume anything shutterstock/Gustavo Frazao One of these distortions is jumping to conclusions, or ‘mind reading', in which we infer other people’s thoughts. The solution to having these distortions, or making assumptions, is to ask questions, and making sure that communication is clear. Even then, don’t assume that you know everything about the situation. "We also make assumptions about ourselves, and this creates a lot of inner conflicts. “I think I can do this.” You make this assumption, for instance, then you discover you aren't able to do it. You overestimate or underestimate yourself because you haven’t taken the time to ask yourself questions and to answer them. Perhaps you need to gather more facts about a particular situation. Or maybe you need to stop lying to yourself about what you truly want.” As with not taking anything personally, Ruiz also invites us to examine the assumptions we make about ourselves. Only when we are mindful of the things we tell ourselves that are within or not within our capabilities, and when we stop making assumptions about what others mean, can we become happier. 4. Always do your best “There is just one more agreement, but it’s the one that allows the other three to become deeply ingrained habits. The fourth agreement is about the action of the first three: Always do your best. Under any circumstance, always do your best, no more and no less. […] But keep in mind that your best is never going to be the same from one moment to the next. Everything is alive and changing all the time, so your best will sometimes be high quality, and other times it will not be as good.” The fourth agreement seems very simple to make with ourselves, if we allow ourselves to stop judging, and don’t make assumptions about our capabilities. However, there is another element to this agreement, which according to Ruiz increases our happiness dramatically: "Doing your best, you are going to live your life intensely. You are going to be productive; you are going to be good to yourself, because you will be giving yourself to your family, to your community, to everything. But it is the action that is going to make you feel intensely happy. When you always do your best, you take action. Doing your best is taking action because you love it, not because you’re expecting a reward.” This action-based happiness, this appreciation for process over outcome, and the appreciation for doing our best, we find in the writings of psychologist and researcher Martin Seligman as well. In his book Flourish: A New Understanding of Happiness and Well-being, Seligman denies simplistic notions of happiness and suggests how people can flourish. Seligman names the key elements to flourish as ‘PERMA' P – positive emotion E – your engagement R – relationships M – meaning A – sense of accomplishment To flourish, you need to change how you behave in order to improve those key elements. You cannot flourish just by trying to think differently because positive thinking has to be accompanied by coherent behaviours, actions. Taking this one step further, there are also parallels with the Ten Keys to Happier Living that Action for Happiness synthesised from happiness research. Their GREAT DREAM constitutes of: Giving – do things for others Relating – connect with people Exercising – taking care of your body Appreciating – awareness of what you do and the world around you Trying Out – doing new things Direction – doing things towards a goal Resilience – bouncing back after something negative Emotion – being positive about what you do Acceptance - that we all have faults and that things go wrong Meaning – being part of something bigger So, when we do our best, both in keeping the four agreements and in the actions we take in the world, we can truly be happy. Living with the Four Agreements The Four Agreements seem simple but have a world of inner transformation, spiritual growth, and action-based happiness at their core. When we try to live with the Agreements and learn from the world of thoughts and philosophies connected with them, step-by-step we can create more loving, more compassionate, more connected lives. Ruiz’ message ultimately strongly resonates with the teachings by the Dalai Lama. As Ruiz states at the end of his book: “The world is very beautiful and very wonderful. Life can be easy when love is your way of life. You can be loving all the time. This is your choice. You may not have a reason to love, but you can love because to love makes you so happy. Love in action only produces happiness. Love will give you inner peace. It will change your perception of everything. […] Maybe we cannot escape from the destiny of the human, but we have a choice: to suffer our destiny or to enjoy our destiny. To suffer, or to love and be happy. To live in hell, or to live in heaven. My choice is to live in heaven. What is yours?” ● Main image: Colourbox.com Written by Arlo Laibowitz Arlo is a filmmaker, artist, lecturer, and intermittent practitioner of metta meditation and morning yoga. When not dreaming about impossible projects and making them happen in the most impractical ways possible, he journals, listens to jazz, or cuddles with his better half.

Meditation teacher Ann Vrlak explains five skills that a regular meditation practice can bring to your daily life, encouraging a more peaceful and harmonious way of being. Why do people meditate… exactly? You have probably heard about some of the many benefits of meditation, such as stress reduction, emotional balance or improving your ability to concentrate. I had heard of them, too, when I was first learning meditation, but I also wanted to know how it would help me to manage day-to-day living: like arguments with my partner, financial worries or difficult emotions that seemed to be so hard to let go of. Honestly, I started out as one of those people who wanted to learn meditation to escape – to “transcend” troubling everyday situations. Meditation did provide that – for me and for many people I knew. The time on the meditation cushion was “time away” from my worries and anxiety, and an immersion in a peaceful space. It is wonderful, and therapeutic, to know that you can shift a bad mood or break a stressful train of thought. But, if meditation is only practised as “time away,” it can leave your day-to-day life and the causes of your unhappiness unchanged, and still able to disturb your peace of mind another day. 5 skills you'll learn through meditation So, in this article, I’d like to connect some of the dots for you, to describe five skills you can learn through meditation practice and how they can help you find more resilience and become happier. 1. The skill of equanimity Have you ever met someone who stays calm in the middle of a situation that is stressing out everyone else? They have something called equanimity. It means “evenness of mind, especially under stress.” For example, imagine these situations: your teenager tells you about pressure from their friends to do drugs. Or, your car breaks down on the highway. Or, you have a setback at work. If you were able to find some “evenness of mind, especially under stress,” would you handle these situations differently? Would you be more able to think and feel clearly, and respond in ways you feel proud of (instead of regretful)? Meditation develops the skill of equanimity Being anxious or angry or frustrated are all normal reactions in situations like these and meditation shows you, step by step, how to be skillfully present with them. It teaches you equanimity: the ability to observe and tolerate all kinds of thoughts and emotions, so you don’t react impulsively to them – hurting yourself or others. How equanimity is practised Here is one traditional way to practise equanimity: For five or ten minutes, sit quietly and notice as many of your thoughts and feelings as you can – whether they’re a small worry or a big stressor. Do your best to notice them and name what they are – “worry” or “sadness.” Try not to judge or analyze them or get caught up in stories about them. If you practise this simple exercise for a while, you’ll notice that thoughts and feelings come in all sizes and intensities. The idea is to treat them all the same way: noticing, naming and not judging. Learning some equanimity shows you that you can take a pause before reacting. You see your own unique patterns of thinking and feeling, like you tend to interpret a person’s silence as anger. And you begin to become an expert in yourself, to make your unconscious patterns more conscious and power up your ability to choose differently. 2. The skill of self-compassion A surprising thing about equanimity is that it leads to more self-compassion. Isn’t that interesting? When you’re a little less attached to your thoughts and feelings, you can see them more clearly. And that brings into focus, maybe for the first time, how they upset you, or disconnect you from others when that’s the opposite of what you really want. “Being anxious or angry or frustrated are all normal reactions and meditation shows you, step by step, how to be skillfully present with those feelings.” Self-compassion creates a safe and healing environment for your meditation. Would you want to look at difficult feelings and situations if you knew you were going to be criticized? Practising the skill of self-compassion shows you how to be a reliable friend to yourself, one that cares and helps you put things in perspective. Watch this very interesting short talk about “overcoming objections to self-compassion” by expert Kristen Neff – you may recognize some of your own! In my experience as a student and teacher of meditation, I’ve found self-compassion to be the single most difficult thing for people to understand and practice. And that is another cause for compassion, isn’t it? That so many of us find it hard or even unappealing to treat ourselves with kindness. If you commit to trying self-compassion practice for a period of time (in spite of all the objections your mind will throw at you!), you may be amazed at how much better you feel and how much more open you become to all of your experience and to other people, too. How self-compassion is practised You can add a few minutes of self-compassion into your day or into another meditation practice with these two simple steps: Like the equanimity practice, notice as much of your experience as you can, including physical sensations, like tension in your neck. Notice and name whatever you find, including negative self-talk or criticism about it, and move on to the next thing you sense. Then, care about what you notice. Respond with curiosity and kindness, either in an energetic way – by feeling curious and kind – or by saying caring phrases out loud or to yourself, such as: - “I hear you. That sounds hard, I’m sorry.” - “Tell me more about what that’s like.” - “Stay as long as you like. I’m here.” RELATED: How to practise self-compassion – 6 proven techniques Inner conflict and negative self-talk are exhausting. When you practise self-compassion, especially in the middle of a challenging moment, I guarantee you will learn things about yourself that have been just out of reach. You may feel a bit of opening and softness that comes from truly caring about yourself. And, no big surprise here, you will develop more empathy, becoming more understanding of other people’s perspective and pain, as well. 3. The skill of physical relaxation Physical relaxation is incredibly important. We have all developed habits of tensing certain parts of our bodies when we’re upset or stressed. And those physical patterns can then become part of a cycle of emotions, thoughts and physical tension that perpetuates anxiety and depression. Try deep, calming breaths to create relaxation shutterstock/shurkin_son When this kind of cycle is set in motion, you’re on automatic pilot. You have no “space” to intervene or make a new, positive choice. But, you can break into this cycle by physically relaxing in the moment. In the middle of a traffic jam, take a few deep, calming breaths. Worried about a presentation at work? Do the same. Physical relaxation exercises are powerful because they work on two fronts: They activate the calming processes and chemicals in your brain. They take your attention away from thoughts and feelings that make up your anxiety or depression cycle, onto the relaxation exercise. How to practise physical relaxation Thankfully, you can find many meditative relaxation practices online. Choose one or two that help you focus on body awareness or breath practice. Here is a great one from Tara Brach, and another powerful exercise. RELATED: What Is a Sound Bath Meditation and What Are Its Benefits? Also, you can try this simple soft belly breath. For a few minutes, feel the sensations of your breath in your belly, feeling the up and down motion. Centre your attention there, rather than higher up in your chest or throat. “Inner conflict and negative self-talk are exhausting. When you practise self-compassion, especially in the middle of a challenging moment, you will learn things about yourself that have been just out of reach.” As you breathe, equalize the four parts of your breath to a count of four: breathe in for a count of four, hold for four, exhale for four and hold for four. 4. The skill of being with thoughts and feelings This skill has been implied throughout this article, and it is the next step, once you have gained some equanimity, self-compassion and the ability to relax. With these skills, you can relate in increasingly positive and healthy ways with how you think and feel. This skill will be a huge boost in your ability to: Be self-aware. Recognize just how much some old ways of thinking and feeling are holding you back from connecting with yourself and with others. Choose new, empowered thoughts that will help you grow in ways you may have wanted to for a long time. It’s important to know: don’t simply tell yourself you “should” believe these thoughts. Try them and be curious, watching for changes in how you think and feel. Be with, understand and respond to your emotional life in healing ways. When it comes down to it, our emotions are like the air we breathe: they colour, not only how we feel, but what we see and what we do. Relate to people in conscious, healthy and connecting ways. How to practise skillfully being with thoughts and feelings skillfully All of the mini practices described so far will help you practice this skill! 5. The skill of cultivating silence Last, but definitely not least, is the skill of cultivating silence. If you practise some of the skills I’ve described, you will learn a lot about the “things” in your life: your work and career, emotions, relationships, beliefs. You will also develop the skill to recognize what is behind those things, so to speak, a sense of quiet knowing. Psychologists and scientists have a lot to say about how our plugged in, multitasking lifestyles are hard on our brains and our happiness. The ability to recognize and enjoy silence is becoming a dying art. Meditate on silence and peace shutterstock/UfaBizPhoto But all of us need to know how to turn off, to find a place of rest and rejuvenation. The beauty of meditation is it will show you how to find this place – any time and anywhere. Many traditional meditations see this cultivation of silence as a core skill, as the source of balance, intelligence and compassion each of us can draw on. RELATED: The Power of Silence: 10 Benefits of Cultivating Peace and Quiet You can take a minute, any time, to be with difficult thoughts and feelings in the middle of a conflict, and touch into silence. For a moment, nothing needs to be done, but rest in inner quiet and refresh yourself. And see what comes next. The takeaway: skills you'll learn through meditation Together, these five skills strengthen your ability to respond wisely to life situations, rather than reacting in habitual, impulsive ways. You create a pause where you can remember your intentions and your values, for your own well-being and the well-being of the people you care about. You create space for your best self to see things in big ways, and to act in big ways too. The life skills you can learn from a meditation practice have virtually no limits. The key is to keep one thing at the front of your mind: how does this practice, insight or understanding relate to the important things in my life, like my sense of self-worth, repeating negative thoughts and feelings, my achievements, my self-expression, my loved ones and my happiness? Keep connecting those dots and, over time, your meditation will become much more than something you do to reduce stress or relax. It will become a way to weave your deep strengths and joy into whatever you do. Main image: shutterstock/Pheelings media happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support in our happiness forum Stress management | Burnout Written by Ann Vrlak Ann Vrlak is Founder of OneSelf Meditation and a meditation practitioner for over 25 years. She’s a Certified Meditation Teacher for adults and for children (the best job ever!). She loves to share how the perspective and practice of meditation can support people with their everyday stresses and on their journey of self-discovery.

If you're struggling to move forward and transform your life as you hope, these 11 practical life coaching tools and techniques from holistic life coach Rebecca Kirk can help. Incorporate these methods into your daily life to gain perspective and work more clearly towards your goals. Life coaching is about creating a transformation which brings life back into balance. Life coaches use a set of tools and techniques to pinpoint their client’s goals and to empower them to achieve those goals by providing direction, support and challenge. Life coaches work on the basis that the client has the answers within themselves. Whilst there is a huge benefit in working directly with a life coach to enable you to make a transformation, there are also many life coaching tools and techniques which you can use yourself, without guidance. By incorporating some of these methods into your daily life, you'll be taking significant steps towards achieving your dreams and desires. Life coaching techniques explored Here are 11 life coaching techniques and tools which I incorporate into my life coaching practice and recommend for you to try. 1. SMART goal setting Goal setting is a fundamental life coaching tool. As the well-known saying goes, “If you don’t know exactly where you’re going, how will you know when you get there?” Setting goals forces you to get really clear on what it is you want. And with clarity comes magic. A SMART goal is specific, measurable, achievable, relevant and time-bound. Without those aspects, goals can be too lofty to be meaningful and they can easily drift into the future. SMART is the only acronym I have happily taken with me from my days in the corporate world – it just works! 2. Visualization Our minds are powerful beyond belief. Instead of focusing them on the things you don’t want, start to use your mind to imagine what you do want. This will help lift you out of your current reality. A really powerful life coaching technique is visualization. There are many scientific studies – such as this University of Chicago one from 1996 – which prove visualization is an effective strategy, especially within the sporting arena. RELATED: Visualization meditation – how to practise it Think of yourself in a particular situation and imagine exactly the outcome you desire. For example, if you’re feeling some anxiety about giving a work presentation, imagine how you will feel before, during and after and taking positive feedback from your audience. Keep visualizing this until the day you actually have to give the presentation. Alternatively, you can also get creative by making a vision board which brings your goals to life and serves as a daily reminder of the transformation you want to make. Visualizing success can put you on the path to achieving it shutterstock/Triff 3. Taking a helicopter view It can be easy to get lost in the details of your current reality. This can also keep you stuck and create a low vibration. A really simple but effective life coaching technique is to imagine that you’re up high in a helicopter, looking down on your life. From this vantage point, very often it can help you see the bigger picture of why things might be challenging for you at the moment and how it could serve as a catalyst or a stepping stone towards a positive transformation. 4. Creating headspace The clarity that people seek to enable them to make a transformation is rarely found in a cluttered, over-busy mind. For clarity to emerge, your head needs space. As a holistic life coach, this method forms the basis for much of my approach. Space can be created in a number of ways, such as meditation, mindfulness or simply going for a walk in nature. I often recommend to clients that they give themselves permission to take a week off from thinking about or working towards their goal. Although it may seem counter-intuitive, it’s amazing what messages can come through! 5. Connecting with your intuition This is a big one. Very often, we look for answers outside of ourselves. We look for validation of our ideas, we look for others’ approval before making a change, and we look for total reassurance that we are making the right decision. This is one of the biggest causes of inertia. “A really powerful life coaching technique is visualization. There are many scientific studies which prove visualization as an effective strategy.” However, you have constant access to a ‘superpower’ to help you – your intuition (that inner knowing, that gentle nudge, that gut feeling). Encouraging clients to be guided by their heart first and then letting their head kick in is a life coaching technique I use with every client. As the Einstein quote says, “The intuitive mind is a faithful gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honours the servant and has forgotten the gift”. Try connecting more with your intuitive mind first. 6. Journaling This life coaching tool is something I encourage with all my clients. Journaling is a way of emptying the mind of unhelpful or destructive thoughts. It’s a way of making sense of them so that they can be released to make room for more positive, empowering thoughts. It also gives you an outlet to explore any new ideas so they can start taking root. RELATED: Future self journaling Journaling can be done at a set time each day, perhaps for five or ten minutes before bed or first thing in the morning. Alternatively, keep the journal with you at all times and use it to capture thoughts, feelings and ideas as and when they arise. I recommend that you write freely, from the heart, and with no judgement about what comes out. Journaling is what I refer to as the closest thing to a therapist – in paper form! Journaling gets new ideas onto paper and out of your head 7. Shushing the ‘shoulds’ This one is not so much a life coaching tool as it is a mantra for living a more authentic life. When I was on a career break in Australia back in 2010, a yoga teacher shared this expression with me and it stuck. So often, we make choices based on what we feel we ‘should’ be doing, saying, thinking or feeling – according to our family, friends, employers or society at large. The next time the word ‘should’ comes into your head or out of your mouth, I recommend a little alarm bell ringing to remind you to check in with yourself. Is there a more authentic, aligned choice you could make? 8. Gratitude When we focus on what we already have, we attract more of it. Gratitude is another simple life coaching tool which brings profound results. Nothing shifts your vibration quicker than the practice of gratitude. It can be done anytime and anywhere. And there is always something we can be grateful for, even if we want to change a situation. Very often, clients express to me how much they hate their job or employer. I recently asked a client what she might be grateful for about the job she was desperate to escape from. After the initial shock at my question had worn off, she cited earning money (enabling her to travel) and enjoying banter with colleagues. Your current challenge itself is something you could potentially show gratitude for, especially if you are able to view it as a catalyst for change. 9. Affirmations Affirmations are positive statements you repeat to yourself which enable you to overcome limiting beliefs and self-sabotaging patterns. You are using affirmations all the time whether you realise it or not, with the things you say to yourself, often at a subconscious level. “When we focus on what we already have, we attract more of it. Gratitude is another simple life coaching tool which brings profound results.” This practice is about consciously choosing the things you say to yourself in support of the changes you wish to create. For example, if you had a limiting belief that you should always put everyone else’s needs ahead of your own, you can turn that around into an affirmation which states, “I give myself permission to tend to my own needs”. RELATED: How to stop self-sabotage – 5 techniques to try 10. Calling on your inner mentor When clients are feeling stuck or lacking confidence, often they have a loud inner critic. If you also identify with that critical, negative voice in your head, the life coaching technique I recommend here is to access your inner mentor. Just imagine yourself in 30 years time and that you are looking at your current self from that new vantage point. What messages would you give your current self? Realise that this is not your older self but actually the wiser part of your current self – your inner mentor. Access your inner mentor whenever you doubt yourself or your inner critic is getting loud! 11. Anchoring This final life coaching tool comes from NLP and gives you a quick way to generate a more positive association with a particular topic or goal through the use of an external trigger. For instance, I had one client who was feeling very low and joyless and had lost his spark. I suggested he dug out an old photo of the last time he felt joyful and at peace. He found a photo of himself at the 2018 Winter Olympics and it reignited a feeling of passion and the possibility of reconnecting with his true self. What photo or object has a particularly positive association which could serve as an anchor for you? Takeaway: life coaching tools So, there we have it, a selection of life coaching tools and techniques which are easy to access, simple to use and bring about powerful results. Have a go at using one of them over the next seven days, beginning with the one you feel most drawn to and see what changes for you. • Main image: shutterstock/Rawpixel.com happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ sharing and supporting others in our happiness forum ■ developing with free online classes in our Academy Authenticity | Letting go | Motivation Written by Rebecca Kirk Rebecca Kirk is a holistic life and career coach. She helps people who are feeling stuck, out of balance or unfulfilled discover the clarity and belief to choose a path which brings them greater purpose, well-being and joy. She uses an approach which encompasses body, mind and spirit to create a deeper and more lasting transformation.

What is gratitude meditation and how do you practise it? Sonia Vadlamani answers these questions plus explains five great benefits it brings. Plus, discover three great gratitude meditation YouTube videos to get you started. Do you want to reap more from your life – whether in the form of happiness, enriched relationships, enhanced sense of well-being or increased efficiency? Do you wish to amplify your existence and make life more meaningful, instead of feeling like you barely exist amidst the chaos of daily life? Gratitude meditation can help you achieve these things, and it's also one of the simplest meditation types you can practise. What is gratitude? Derived from the Latin word gratus, gratitude is the ability to feel thankful and show appreciation for all things good in your life. Have you ever observed how you feel a spur-of-the-moment gratefulness when someone does something kind for you, or surprised you with a lovely gesture or gift? The emotion you felt was that of gratitude, and studies show that practising thankfulness every day can help change your life for the better. In fact, scientific studies have found that gratitude can be the ‘social glue’ that promotes positive outlook, strengthens relationships, and help us to become better, happier human beings. What is gratitude meditation exactly? Gratitude meditation, as indicated by the name, is a kind of meditation centered on feeling grateful. While there are many other styles of meditations out there, gratitude meditation is one of the easiest you can practice anywhere, even in the midst of a hectic work schedule. What's more, it's also one of the most rewarding styles of meditation. JOIN US! Discover more about meditation at happiness.com. Belong to a community that cares Gratitude meditation focuses on bearing in mind various things you're thankful for in life and letting that feeling of appreciation take a stronghold inside yourself. For example, it could be appreciating family members who are always there for you, friends who always cheer you up, or colleagues who share the workload with you so you don’t have to do overtime. Great to be grateful: gratitude meditation has many benefits Additionally, you don't always have to meditate on a noticeable act – gratitude meditation also enables you to take pleasure in the simple things in life you're grateful for like the ability to see, hear, taste and walk, or something as intangible as the important lesson you learnt from a difficult phase you were going through at some point in your life. The origins of gratitude meditation Research suggests that the foundations of gratitude were inspired from religion. Mindfulness and meditation expert Jack Kornfield is quoted as saying: “Buddhist monks begin their day with chants of gratitude for their blessed lives. Meanwhile, Martin Luther described gratitude as the “basic Christian attitude”. Indeed, millions of Christians celebrate Thanksgiving every year to count their blessings and express their appreciation for all they have. “Gratitude meditation also enables you to take pleasure in the simple things in life, like the ability to see, hear, taste and walk.” Meanwhile, Hinduism advocates that “one with an attitude of gratitude is closest to achieving Moksh, or freedom from karmic life-cycles,”, states Uma Mysorekar, M.D. Do you have to be religious to practice gratitude? Of course not. Experts agree that gratitude is not limited to religious pursuits – you can be thankful for the gifts of life without being religious. Benefits of gratitude meditation There are many advantages to incorporating a gratitude meditation practice into your life. Here are five of the most important: 1. Greater sense of happiness Studies have shown that practising gratitude can consistently and effectively make you happier. Counting your blessings can make you feel more optimistic and help you develop and maintain a positive attitude throughout the day. Indeed, a study revealed that gratitude could be the most-needed positive intervention that can prevent depressive thoughts and help individuals lead a happier, content life. 2. Improved mental health Could you ever have guessed that gratitude meditation can also rewire your brain to be better equipped to deal with adversity or difficult phases of life? Practising gratitude meditation sensitizes the brain towards helpful acts and appreciable things in life, thus enabling us to break free from the endless loop of worries, rumination, fears and insecurities. 3. Stronger personal relationships Practising gratitude meditation has even been show to protect marriage and strengthen friendships. Expressing your thanks for friends, colleagues and spouse can make them feel appreciated and valued, reinforcing your bond with them and preventing miscommunication or conflict. 4. Better physical health Feeling grateful for good things in your life can make a difference in your outlook towards life, enabling you to feel better, live to the fullest and even sleep better. Indeed, grateful people are more likely to experience heightened state of mind, eat healthily, exercise more often and live longer. 5. Increased social circle Ever noticed how some people make friends effortlessly and instantly? Grateful individuals can trust more easily, express their appreciation in more straightforward fashion, and make friends with strangers with better ease. A 2014 study from the University of New South Wales (UNSW) Australia was the first to show that for thanking a new acquaintance for their help meant they were more likely to seek an ongoing social relationship with you. “Saying thank you provides a valuable signal that you're someone with whom a high quality relationship could be formed,” said UNSW psychologist Dr Lisa Williams, who co-conducted the research. Gratitude meditation: how to do it Great news: kickstarting a gratitude meditation routine is simple! All you need is a quiet corner and minimal time (10-20 minutes on average, depending on the technique you choose). “Gratitude meditation is one of the easiest you can practice anywhere, even in the midst of a hectic work schedule.” You could even start small, and simply be thankful for the basic amenities and privileges you have in life. Several experts (and even celebrities like Oprah) suggest that maintaining a gratitude journal to jot down all the things, actions, people etc you’re grateful for, can transform your outlook towards life tremendously. Here are three YouTube videos to inspire you to get your gratitude meditation routine up and running: The Mindful Movement: 10-Minute Morning Meditation for Gratitude This meditation can form a part of your morning ritual, preparing you to start the day on a more positive note. Ever feel trampled under the weight of senseless material pursuits, or dissatisfied by what you have achieved so far? Practising gratitude daily using this technique will open your eyes to the fact that what you have is enough, and that you are perfect. .embed-container { position: relative; padding-bottom: 56.25%; height: 0; overflow: hidden; max-width: 100%; } .embed-container iframe, .embed-container object, .embed-container embed { position: absolute; top: 0; left: 0; width: 100%; height: 100%; } Mary Kate: Gratitude Meditation To Shift Your Reality Using the powerful tool of Law of Attraction, this gratitude meditation technique shows you how to attract miracles in your life. Appreciating the smallest gestures and acts of kindness and being thankful for everything you have will help you manifest happiness and abundance every single day. .embed-container { position: relative; padding-bottom: 56.25%; height: 0; overflow: hidden; max-width: 100%; } .embed-container iframe, .embed-container object, .embed-container embed { position: absolute; top: 0; left: 0; width: 100%; height: 100%; } Dan Lok: 15-Minute Guided Gratitude Meditation for Abundance & Miracles Renowned business magnate and educator Dan Lok shows how to energize your day and attract abundance by being grateful for everything you have using a simple yet effective visualization technique. You begin by relaxing and asking yourself what and who all you're grateful for, and if there are things you're taking for granted. This meditation is very easy, and helps you develop more compassion, empathy and appreciation for everything good. .embed-container { position: relative; padding-bottom: 56.25%; height: 0; overflow: hidden; max-width: 100%; } .embed-container iframe, .embed-container object, .embed-container embed { position: absolute; top: 0; left: 0; width: 100%; height: 100%; } Round-up: gratitude meditation In conclusion, the benefits of gratitude meditation are many. Gratitude is not only a humble acknowledgment of how blessed our life is, but also a doorway for attracting abundance, happiness and prosperity our way. What's more, incorporating gratitude into our daily lives is very easy and hardly requires any additional effort. Are you getting started today? ● Main image: shutterstock/ WAYHOME Studio happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum Mental health | Compassion | Empathy | Vedic meditation mantras Written by Sonia Vadlamani Fitness and healthy food blogger, food photographer and stylist, travel-addict. Sonia loves to write and has resolved to dedicate her life to revealing how easy and important it is to be happier, stronger and fitter each day. Follow her daily pursuits at FitFoodieDiary or on Instagram.

An often invisible illness, diagnosing quiet borderline personality disorder isn't easy. Luckily, the treatment for this condition can be, as psychologist Stanislava Puač Jovanović explains... I have known a few people with borderline personality disorder (BPD) in my life. I can say with certainty that they suffered — as did those close to them. However, thanks to the explosive nature of the disorder, however unpleasant it may be, BPD did not stay hidden. Some of them were diagnosed and received treatment. More importantly, they learned to understand the nature of their unpredictable emotions and reactions. I probably also know a few people with quiet borderline personality disorder (QBPD). Unfortunately, I cannot say that I know who they are. Are they aware that what they are going through is a disorder? Quite possibly not. Do their loved ones understand what is happening? They might not have a clue. That's because quiet borderline personality disorder is a difficult but often invisible ordeal. As this article will make clear, it bears the burden of the BPD. Still, it stays concealed — often even from the affected person themselves. Yet, the moment you understand QBPD and its manifestations, the path towards treatment opens. So, what is quiet borderline personality disorder? What is quiet borderline personality disorder and how is it diagnosed? Before we can hope to understand quiet borderline personality disorder, we need to grasp the concept of a personality disorder as such. Unlike some other mental disorders that come and go, personality disorders are usually enduring. One of the criteria for diagnosis states: “The impairments in personality functioning and the individual’s personality trait expression are relatively stable across time and consistent across situations.” Personality disorders are pervasive, unchanging, and present at least from adolescence. They form an inner experience and behaviour pattern deviant from a person’s cultural norms. “A person affected by quiet borderline personality disorder aims hostility and anger at themselves. Feeling sombre and dejected is often mixed with a buried feeling of anger and disappointment towards others.” In other words, it seems to be the structure of the individual’s personality that is affected. A personality disorder is apparent throughout life and across different contexts. A person who is, for example, narcissistic will act that way at work, in love, with family and strangers. Those who know them will tell you that it is how they have been forever. What is borderline personality disorder? QBPD is a variation of BPD. Therefore, we need to be clear on what the disorder entails. Borderline personality disorder is a syndrome of disordered functioning in relationship to oneself and others. To meet the diagnostic criteria, the affected person has to manifest the following symptoms: Impairments in self-functioning. They can be unsure of who they are as a person. They might feel empty inside and succumb to excessive self-criticism. Sometimes, goals, aspirations and career plans are unstable. A person with BPD keeps changing their direction in life. Impairments in interpersonal functioning. They lack empathy or have severe problems in establishing meaningful close relationships. Being emotionally unstable, anxious, depressive, or fearing rejection and separation. Disinhibition, meaning that they are highly impulsive and often take excessive risks. Hostility, anger, and irritability. Subtypes of BPD The current classification of mental disorders does not divide the BPD into subtypes. Nonetheless, the official criteria could be combined differently. As a result, individuals with BPD are often very unalike. This is probably one of the reasons why borderline personality disorder has long been notoriously under-detected and misdiagnosed in clinical practice. Aiming hostility at oneself is a sign of QBPD shutterstock/airdone It is also why many popular psychology authors voiced their opinion about the subtypes of BPD. Some scholars and practitioners also argue that borderline personality disorder should be divided into three subtypes based on the dominant cognitive mechanisms in their foundations. A 2017 study determined three clusters of BPD patients with distinct profiles: Most patients were those with the “core BPD” features, that is, typical borderline personalities. A second “Extravert/externalising” subtype was characterised by high levels of histrionic, narcissistic, and antisocial features. A third, smaller subtype had schizotypal and paranoid features — therefore, it is named “Schizotypal/paranoid”. Million and Davis have proposed, based on extensive professional expertise in the realm of personality disorders, that there are four subtypes of BPD: Discouraged or “quiet” borderline Impulsive borderline Petulant borderline Self-destructive borderline So, what are the symptoms of the quiet BPD subtype? Symptoms of QBPD Most professionals and laypeople would think of someone with BPD as an explosive, violent and hostile person. An unpredictable and impulsive human ticking bomb. However, it appears that there are those affected by the disorder whose suffering remains largely invisible. In quiet borderline personality disorder, all the symptoms of the BPD are directed inwards. According to Million and Davis, a person affected by quiet borderline personality disorder aims the borderline hostility and anger at oneself. They might act clingy and form codependent relationships. Feeling sombre and dejected is often mixed with a buried feeling of anger and disappointment towards others. However, they do not let it show. Their anger is more likely to be manifested as self-harm and suicide attempts than aggression towards others. Could you be living with QPBD? Here are some of the signs that suggest you could be living with quiet borderline personality disorder: You are very good at hiding your true emotions. You present a composed façade at all times. You might not even be able to recognise or describe your feelings correctly (alexithymia), so they fester inside. You are high-functioning and successful; a perfectionistic even. When emotional pain becomes too much to bear, you detach from the world and your inner experiences. You may feel like you were in a dream or a movie, unable to feel connected. You may be a people-pleaser. You need to be liked, and you yearn for appreciation from those you fall for. You experience bouts of anxiety at the slightest sign of disapproval. Your buttons are easily pushed around other people. You know that you are prone to feeling hurt, insulted or humiliated. To prevent it, you might prefer distancing yourself from others. You might be putting people into one of the two categories — they are either impeccable or atrocious. It is a mechanism called “splitting” or polarised thinking. You might be so profoundly afraid of being abandoned that you avoid getting close to others altogether. It protects you from hurt. You tend to feel irrational guilt and self-loathing. For this reason, you could be at risk of engaging in self-harming behaviour, including having suicidal thoughts. (If this is the case, please reach out to any local service or organisation that deals with mental health to help you get your way out of that dark path). Your priorities and interests change erratically. Your commitment changes on a day-to-day basis. Be it a project, a hobby, or a person, QBPD comes with a lack of consistency in dedication. You seem utterly devoted to something, only for it to fall into oblivion in the next moment. You crave control and order. Situations in which you do not know what to say or do make you feel uneasy. In effect, you are not living spontaneously. Where does the difference between the typical BPD and the quiet variant come from? One possible explanation is Lynch and colleagues’ work on undercontrol versus overcontrol in clinical settings. In short, the majority of those affected by BPD (the typical syndrome) are undercontrolled. They are impulsive, erratic and dysregulated. Nonetheless, some people are overcontrolled; meaning that they are reserved, hard to engage, seemingly emotionally flat. Yet, their inner world is as tempestuous as that of the undercontrolled individuals. Treatment for QBPD At this point, we return to the statement made in the introduction. Unfortunately, the quiet variant of BPD is even more undetected compared to BPD as a whole. Why? It is simple — people living with the condition do not let it show. They rarely (if ever) seek help. They overcontrol. Why can't I make friends? How to help someone having a panic attack What is an introvert hangover? Nonetheless, even if it feels unnatural, if you recognise the symptoms mentioned above, it is vital for you to reach out. And if someone you know seems to be affected by QBPD, try pointing them out towards learning about the disorder and getting professional help to deal with it. “Unfortunately, the quiet variant of BPD is even more undetected compared to BPD as a whole. Why? It is simple — people living with the condition do not let it show. They rarely (if ever) seek help.” Unfortunately, not enough is understood about QBPD to determine which psychotherapy modality would work best. The following approaches were scientifically explored and are used in clinical practice for the treatment of BPD. In addition to psychotherapy, medication is sometimes prescribed. 1. Cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT) The basic principle of CBT is to work on modifying the thinking and behavioural patterns that are unhelpful and perpetuate the disorder. According to a systematic review of 45 studies, CBT is beneficial in treating personality disorders in general — and BPD in particular. The findings of another study confirmed that CBT could help decrease the symptoms, distress, anxiety, suicide ideation and dysfunctional beliefs typical of BPD. Quiet Borderline Personality Disorder can be treated 2. Dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT) DBT is one of the CBT modalities. It was developed specifically to treat BPD. In 2016 it was still the only empirically supported treatment for BPD. It targets the unstable sense of self, chaotic relationships, fear of abandonment, emotional lability and impulsivity (such as self-injurious behaviours). During the therapeutic process, the clients develop skills such as mindfulness, interpersonal effectiveness, emotion regulation, and distress tolerance. 3. Radically Open Dialectical Behavioural Therapy (RO-DBT) The previous two modalities are implemented in treating BPD in general. The quiet variant could also benefit from them, given that the core issues are shared across the syndrome. However, RO-DBT was developed specifically for disorders of overcontrol. The authors designed it to address difficult-to-treat mental health conditions. And yes, QBPD is difficult to treat. The approach focuses on developing mental flexibility, openness, healthy emotional expression and social connectedness. Take control over your QBPD Living with a quiet borderline personality disorder is not an easy thing to do. BPD is known to cause severe problems in the person’s relationship with themselves and the world. When you keep all those BPD emotions and thoughts within, pushing through the day can sometimes feel like Sisyphus work. I will not pretend quiet borderline personality disorder will go away in the blink of an eye for the sake of pep talk. However, you can learn to develop a psychologically healthier way of being. Adequate support and treatment can teach you how to rebuild your view of the world. With a change in your mindset, you can nurture close relationships with others based on empathy and respect. Although every personality disorder is a persistent companion, it does not have to determine your future. All you need to do is take one simple step now. Open yourself up to a fuller and richer life. Reach out. • Main image: shutterstock/Olga W Boeva happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Join free now and: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine ■ share and support in our happiness forum ■ Develop with free online Academy classes Authenticity | Empathy | Communication skills Written by Stanislava Puač Jovanović Stanislava Puač Jovanović has a master’s degree in psychology and works as a freelance writer and researcher in this area. Her primary focus is on questions relating to mental health, stress-management, self-development and well-being.

If you feel overwhelmed during the course of your day, stopping to pause for a 'mindful minute' can help reset you and give focus. Ann Vrlak shares 10 calming moments of mindfulness that you can incorporate into your daily routine. What can you do in one minute? The truth is you can do a lot. A minute is longer than you think. If you have a spare minute, try it right now. Set a timer, close your eyes and just breathe. Were you surprised by how long a minute actually is? When I teach meditation, especially to beginners, showing them ‘mindful minutes’ is a core exercise I love to use because it helps students see the benefits of meditation in the context of their daily lives. Here’s why. When people learn different types of meditation, the basic practice involves setting time aside from your usual day-to-day activities for a quiet period of 20 minutes or more. And, it’s true, this devoted time to go deep into a practice is essential to learning what meditation is actually about. • JOIN US! Sign up to learn more about meditation and mindfulness • However, if this is your only practice, what often happens is a kind of disconnection. Insights or perspectives you have on the meditation cushion stay there. They don’t flow into your work stresses or disagreements with your loved ones. You feel and react as usual, maybe a little disappointed in yourself or in meditation. Mindful minutes are the medicine for disconnection. The benefits of your mindful minutes of breath practice, relaxation or loving-kindness, for example, flow into whatever you do next. Stop for a moment to fully embrace your surroundings shutterstock/mimagephotography Mindful minutes: getting started Want to give mindful minutes a try? Here’s all you need to do: Choose when to do them. The best way to remember your mindful minutes is to connect them to things you do a couple of times every day, like brushing your teeth, sitting down for a meal or getting in your car. So, every time you brush your teeth, it’s your signal: “Ah, time for a mindful minute.” An extra benefit is you don’t need to find extra time during your day to do these practices. Choose one or two exercises from this article you’d like to try. Do the exercises every day, for one week to start. Start small and enjoy them. Just notice how you feel doing them and what changes in your day. Tips for mindful minutes If you find yourself thinking about something else during your mindful minute, that’s OK. Do not beat yourself up! If you have a bit more time, start again. If you don’t, just notice – kindly, please – that it was difficult for you to focus for one minute. It’s kind of interesting, isn’t it? What would be different if you could focus for longer? Just a question, no judgement. Don’t let your mind talk you out of doing the practices. You may tell yourself, “This is stupid. What’s this going to do?” Decide ahead of time to ignore this kind of criticism. The exercises in this article are simple, but they all have direct roots in traditional meditation practices that have been used for hundreds of years. Mindful minute: 10 practical exercises Incorporate some of these ten mindful moments into your daily routine and start to feel the benefits soon. 1. Five Conscious Breaths Breathing exercises are one of the oldest meditation practices. They are powerful tools for relaxing both your body and mind. For five breaths, pay attention to the sensations of your full breath cycle: the inhale, slight pause, exhale, slight pause. Don’t strain, hold your breath or try to change your breath in any way. Just do your best to focus on the sensations of your breath in your nose, throat, belly or wherever it’s easiest for you to pay attention. 2. Mindful eating Eating is something we all sometimes do in a rush or without fully experiencing or enjoying. As you prepare and eat your breakfast, for example, pay attention to the vibrations as you grind your coffee, the smell of the bread toasting, and the taste of the orange juice in your mouth. When you become distracted or start thinking about what’s next in your day, do your best to be aware and simply come back to your moment-to-moment experience of eating mindfully. Eat mindfully, enjoying every moment of food shutterstock/Dean Drobot 3. Loving-kindness Is there someone in your life that is struggling or in a painful situation? Or maybe this describes you right now. Open your heart by practising loving-kindness. Close your eyes and see the person or yourself in your mind’s eye. Feel compassion and loving kindness for what they’re going through, and repeat silently, “May they be happy, may they be safe, may they be loved.” Or, “May I be happy, may I be safe, may I be loved.” 4. Practise empathy Has someone done something to irritate you, upsetting your mood? Try feeling empathy during a minute of mindfulness. Imagine what that person who upset you might be thinking or feeling. Could they be under a lot of pressure at work or have a troubling situation at home? If you can find a way to “see the person” even a little, your feelings and thoughts about the situation will change. “Mindful minutes are the medicine for disconnection. The benefits of your mindful minutes of breath practice, relaxation or loving-kindness, for example, flow into whatever you do next.” My favourite time to practise this mindful minute is when someone annoys me in traffic. One day when this happened to me, I felt angry (as usual) and conjured up stories about how inconsiderate they were. For some reason, I then thought: “How would I feel if that was my niece in the car (who I adore)?” The stories disappeared immediately, along with the anger. If it was her, I thought, she would just be rushing to get home to her kids or be a bit distracted by her work. Now, I use that practice consciously when I’m in traffic. It’s a great lesson: to see it’s the stories (my thoughts) that upset me, not the person’s behaviour. 5. Body scan The body scan is a classic meditation practice that can be done anywhere, any time, and for any length of time – even for just a mindful minute. Starting with your hands, feel the sensations in your body – tingling, warmth or pressure. Then, let your attention move progressively through your body, noticing as much as you can about sensations whether they are pleasant, unpleasant or neutral. The idea of this practice is to stay as close to the direct physical sensations as you can, rather than thoughts, feelings or perceptions you may be having. Follow a simple yet effective ten-minute body scan meditation script here. 6. Befriend emotion This meditation is a way to listen to your emotions, with kind attention, instead of perhaps resisting them or wanting to distract yourself from them. When you feel an uncomfortable emotion, big or small, see if you can notice with kind, curious attention how the emotion is showing up in your mind and body. Is it triggering thoughts of blame or anger? Is it creating tension in your neck or stomach? Notice as much as you can, not getting stuck in any one place. Notice, be kind, move on. Rinse and repeat. 7. Inhabiting your five senses This is a powerful anxiety-soothing exercise you can do almost anywhere. The object is to be mindful of the information coming in through your five senses. Pay attention to each sense: sight, hearing, touch, smell and taste. With each one, notice as much as you can as precisely as you can and try not to interpret anything. Simple labels can help you stay focused on your senses, like “warm” or “red” or “ringing.” 8. Say “OK” This practice is based on a foundation skill of meditation: acceptance or allowing things to be as they are. There are many things in a day that you might resist or feel are wrong. We all do this sometimes, but if it’s something we can’t change, like having a cold, for example, the resistance only makes us more unhappy. Saying “OK” is a way to practise acceptance in little moments in your day. So, when you get a cold, say to yourself “OK” and try to let go. Or, when your teenager is late for dinner again, say to yourself “OK” and try to let go. You’re not saying you like it. You’re only acknowledging what is happening and letting go of the struggle or the wish for it to “not be so.” 9. Do one thing at a time Who doesn’t try and multi-task sometimes? However, productivity experts, as well as people who study happiness, have found that, first, you may not get as much done as you think and, second, that multitasking is stressful! “The body scan is a classic meditation practice that can be done anywhere, any time, and for any length of time – even for just a mindful minute.” Choose an everyday activity and try to focus on just that one thing while you’re doing it. If you’re like most of us, you’ll start to add in more things “you can do at the same time.” Just watch for this habit and bring your attention back to your focus. Honour what you’re doing, in this moment. Give it your undivided attention and notice if anything changes for you. 10. Question your thoughts How many of your thoughts are true? What happens when you believe your thoughts are true, even when they hurt you or others around you? Practising some objectivity with your thoughts is another foundational skill of meditation. You can practise this any time by simply noticing and naming your thoughts, like this: “Oh, I was thinking about that problem at work again.” Leave it at that and notice the next thought. Creating some space helps you notice how many thoughts you have, how consistent they are or are not, and how they affect how you feel and what you do. Spiritual teacher Byron Katie has built a whole system of meditation starting with the simple question about our thoughts, “Is it true?” Discover more. Takeaway: mindful minutes work Don’t underestimate the power of these little practices! I really encourage you to try one or two of these mindful minutes for a week or so: don’t try to do too more practices at once in the beginning. Each one of them has the ability to create just a bit of perspective if you’re feeling angry, or a bit of relaxation if you’re stressed, or a bit of self-compassion if you’re feeling hurt. Don’t let your mind tell you they probably won’t do anything. Try them and see for yourself, then try a couple more. And if you find that some of these mindful minute practices really work well for you, you can try doing periods of sitting meditation using the same focus or technique to deepen your experience and understanding. • happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now: ■ to enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ self-develop with free online classes in our happiness Academy Anxiety | Nature | Breathwork | Meditation Written by Ann Vrlak Ann Vrlak is Founder of OneSelf Meditation and a meditation practitioner for over 25 years. She’s a Certified Meditation Teacher for adults and for children (the best job ever!). She loves to share how the perspective and practice of meditation can support people with their everyday stresses and on their journey of self-discovery.

Is it possible to relieve stress, improve heart health and reap other benefits simply by regulating our breath? Sonia Vadlamani explains how conscious breathing can contribute towards better mental and physical health. Plus, learn how to practise it from home. Breath is vital for life. We’re always breathing, yet it’s something that most of us are barely aware of. However, our natural breathing rhythms can have a substantial impact on how both our body and mind function. Research shows that our breathing patterns change according to the emotions or thoughts we’re experiencing. For example, we tend to draw slow, deeper breaths when we’re happy, resulting in the release of happiness hormones. In contrast, we take sharp, shallow breaths when we’re angry or stressed, activating the stress receptors in the amygdala region in the brain. Indeed, in the current climate of a global pandemic, living with stress and anxiety has become increasingly commonplace, and hence keeping a periodic check on stress levels and devising effective stress management methods is more crucial than ever. Conscious breathing can help to reduce stress shutterstock/UfaBizPhoto What is conscious breathing? As the name suggests, conscious breathing involves bringing awareness towards your breath and then altering it deliberately to achieve a desired outcome. Also known as controlled breathing, conscious breathing can help us recognize our response towards stressors and emotions, enabling us to manage our stress in a better manner, thus preventing conditions like burnout, anxiety and depression. There is ample research that establishes a strong connection between our breathing patterns, pace of breathing and our corresponding thoughts, emotions and behavior. This makes conscious breathing massively effective – modifying the pace of our breathing can slow down our heart rate, modulate stress triggers and enable us to think more rationally. “Conscious breathing can help us recognize our response towards stressors and emotions, enabling us to manage our stress in a better manner.” While conscious breathing may sound like a modern-era invention, recommendations for breath modulation techniques for better health date back to first millennium B.C. Ancient religions like Hinduism and Taoism have advocated breath as an ‘essential life-force’ in the form of prana and qi respectively. Interestingly, yogic practices like pranayama or ‘breath-retention’ utilize controlled breathing techniques for enhancing concentration and vitality. RELATED: Tummo Breathing and Meditation: a Guide Breathing is “meditation for people who can’t meditate”, states Dr Belisa Vranich, the author of the best-selling book Breathe. Indeed, most relaxation therapies and stress-relief techniques utilize breathwork as their anchor, as breathing is the common factor involved in these methods for calming the body and the mind. A simple way to practise conscious breathing Conscious breathing is simple to practise and doesn’t require any specialized equipment. What's more, it can be practised by children and adults alike, from the comfort of their home. However, it’s essential to set aside some time to truly be able to reap the benefits. Here’s a simple mindful breathing practice you can follow with ease: Start by getting into the right posture – seated or lying down – keeping your spine in a neutral position. Place one or both hands on your belly. Inhale slowly and feel the sense of expansion as your breath reaches where your hand is. Hold your breath to a count of 3. You can adjust this duration as per your comfort. Exhale slowly as you feel the belly muscles underneath your hands relaxing. Observe your breath pattern for at least 4 - 10 minutes. During this practice, be sure to engage in diaphragmatic breathing. This involves inhaling deeply as you expand the belly, and then exhaling slowly as you contract the diaphragm and allow the belly to deflate. You can combine conscious breathing with a form of meditation or even restorative yoga to increase its effectiveness. Merging conscious breathing with mindfulness meditation can boost memory power as well. The benefits of conscious breathing Here are some ways in which conscious breathing can improve your quality of life and help you sustain better well-being: 1. Relaxes the nervous system When confronted with danger, our nervous system or sympathetic drive generates a ‘fight-or-flight’ response which can potentially help us rise to face a challenge. However, sometimes the smallest and everyday woes like a traffic jam and impending deadlines begin invoking this involuntary stress response on a continued basis. This can result in immune system suppression or even conditions like depression and anxiety, owing to the excessive stress build-up. RELATED: Outdoor Meditation: How to Meditate in Nature Resetting our breathing pattern can calm down the nervous system, preventing a perennial sympathetic overdrive condition. Conscious breathing allows activation of the parasympathetic nervous system, or the ‘rest-and-digest’ signal, which enables us to function in a relaxed state. 2. Creates energy boost Conscious breathing involves taking deep, slow breaths as you engage your abdominal muscles and diaphragm, instead of stressing the shoulder and neck areas as most of us are usually habituated to. Engaging respiratory muscles in this manner enables better oxygen supply for the tissues and cells in the body. This increased oxygen reach can make us feel more energized, focused, and can even boost productivity. 3. Helps you focus Sometimes it’s difficult to concentrate on the task at hand or meditate properly because of our inability to focus. Indeed, billboards, constantly buzzing phones and other technological inventions contend for our attention all the time, making it more difficult to be able to concentrate on a single thought or task. Breathing consciously boosts focus and attention Conscious breathing requires us to focus on our breathing pattern, which can help us calm our senses and organize our thought patterns in a productive manner. A 2017 breathing intervention study from Beijing Normal University that involved 40 individuals found that diaphragmatic breathing could enhance sustained attention, in addition to a dip in cortisol (the body's main stress hormone). 4. Relieves muscle tension We tend to hold our breath or draw irregular breaths when we’re tensed or are faced with stress stimuli, which allows our sympathetic nervous drive to kick in. While this response to stress can be helpful in the short-term, drawing shallower and faster breaths can easily become a habitual trait, which may involuntarily result in constant muscle tension, especially in the neck and upper back areas. A 2018 study from Thailand's Khon Kaen University involving female subjects with neck tension and pain complaints found that deep and slow breathing practices reduce muscle tension, pain alleviation, and improved heartrate variability, even in the short run. Progressive muscle relaxation is another therapeutic method prescribed for relieving muscle tension and averting anxiety, with the help of conscious breathing techniques. 5. Enhances emotional wellbeing “Feelings come and go like clouds in a windy sky. Conscious breathing is my anchor,” advocated Thích Nhat Hanh, the world-renowned spiritual teacher and mindfulness expert. By calming down our nervous system, conscious breathing offers clarity in thought and enables us to be mindful of our feelings. “There is ample research that establishes a strong connection between our breathing patterns, pace of breathing and our corresponding thoughts, emotions, and behavior.” The idea here is not to eradicate the unpleasant emotional states entirely, but to gradually learn to be aware of them and experience them with self-compassion. This process allows us to respond to our emotions in a productive and helpful manner, thus potentially preventing the tendency to ruminate and improving our emotional wellbeing. 6. Regulates blood pressure Taking a deep breath could help reduce stress and prevent your blood pressure from spiking. Indeed, research suggests that controlled breathing can improve one’s ‘baroreflex sensitivity’, thus regulating blood pressure and preventing hypertension. Conscious breathing can be utilized as a therapeutic approach for boosting heart health and improving vigor. 7. Enables better decision-making Research shows that taking deep and controlled breaths can accelerate vagal nerve activity, thereby improving heart rate variability and lowering stress levels, in addition to aiding better decision-making ability. Indeed, Navy SEALs and chess champions have relied on conscious breathing techniques like ‘box breathing’ to be able to make sound decisions when under stress. RELATED: Uncovering the Healing Power of the Breath In a collaborative study from 2019, researchers from Belgium, France and the Seychelles asked management students to follow the ‘5-2-7 pattern breathing technique’. This method entails inhalation for the count of 5, holding the breath for 2 counts and exhalation for 7 counts. The students carried out the breathing exercise before answering a series of questions in a decision-making test. In addition to facilitating better decision-making, the researchers found that conscious breathing also prevented post-performance stress among the students. 8. Lowers stress and anxiety Research points out that our degree of ‘alertness’, or how ‘awake’ we are, determines the course of action we choose when we are under psychological pressure or in a potentially stressful situation. While being ‘optimally alert’ can improve our mental performance, thus boosting our decision-making ability, alertness beyond the critical point can trigger stress, ultimately hampering performance under duress. Interestingly, conscious breathing tends to modify one’s arousal levels to the ‘optimal or conditioned level’ required for enhanced mental performance, while controlling any further rise in arousal levels, thus keeping stress and anxiety at bay. Round up: conscious breathing In conclusion, the advice to slow down your breath and pay attention to the same is not just a generic suggestion or mere commonsense, but a statement that holds merit. Taking deep, diaphragmatic breaths and focusing on the pace of our breath can impact our body and mind in a positive manner. Acknowledging the power of conscious breathing can be empowering, as it can enable us to draw from our innate wisdom and make headway towards a positive transformation. • Main image: shutterstock/AKSAMIT happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips Stress management | Motivation | Burnout Written by Sonia Vadlamani Fitness and healthy food blogger, food photographer and stylist, travel-addict and future self journaler. Sonia loves to write and has resolved to dedicate her life to revealing how easy and important it is to be happier, stronger and fitter each day. Follow her daily pursuits at FitFoodieDiary or on Instagram.

If you're struggling to live in the present moment, these 10 mindfulness quotes from spiritual leaders will inspire you to stay grounded. Recall them when you need to be more mindful. By Calvin Holbrook. Over the past few years, the message about the power of mindfulness has boomed, and for good reason. By practising mindfulness you can be more aware and receptive to how you’re feeling and the reality that surrounds you. Staying mindful is a way of finding pleasure and fulfillment in everyday things and this can make a considerable contribution to your overall happiness. Indeed, by practising mindfulness we can improve our patience levels and also positively change our relationships with loved ones, leading to greater kindness, compassion and understanding. In simple terms, mindfulness is being aware of what is happening to you and around you right now without wishing it were different – even when it seems trivial or negative. Mindfulness also means accepting your life and not being critical or judgmental. In essence, practising mindfulness is simple and straightforward, but it may take time to develop the skills. Having inspiration in the form of mindfulness quotes can help you see the benefits of the practice and give you the power to keep going. The quotes below come from many experts in the field of mindfulness and meditation. Thinking more deeply about the meanings of these quotes will inspire you to practise mindful behavior each and every day. With time, you – and those around you – will really feel the benefits. Mindfulness quotes Recall these ten mindfulness quotes to inspire you and ground you when life is taking you out of the present moment. Focus and bring your mind back to the now. 1. “Wherever you are, be there totally.” Eckhart Tolle German-born Eckhart Tolle is a spiritual teacher and author and one of the most-quoted people when it comes to mindfulness. This quote sums up the essence of mindfulness: being completely in the moment of where you are. Firstly, it works in a mental or emotional setting: whatever your mood or feeling, acknowledge it and accept that that’s how it is at the moment. Don’t force changes (it will pass eventually). • JOIN US! Sign-up to get support from our caring community • This mindfulness quote also applies to your physical location or situation too. For example, you may be unhappy with your living situation at the moment, but simply accepting your situation and not judging it can help. Everything will change. Likewise, in a more positive sense, if you’re enjoying a walk by the seaside or practising some forest bathing, really be there: soak up the sights, sounds and smells of everything around you. Give life your undivided attention. 2. “You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.” Jon Kabat-Zinn This mindfulness quote from Jon Kabat-Zinn has to be one of our most-loved – and most repeated! Kabat-Zinn is widely recognized as being the father of mindfulness in the Western world. He's also the creator of the original Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) course. This well-known quote from him sums up how to deal with life’s ups and downs rather nicely. The waves represent life’s many – and unstoppable – changes and challenges. When faced with choppy seas, instead of drowning in them we can get on our surfboard and learn to deal with them by riding the waves. We will probably fall off our surfboard many times, but we can jump back on, and with practice, we can learn how to navigate life's ever-changing waters better. 3. “Be happy in the moment, that's enough. Each moment is all we need, not more.” Mother Theresa This mindfulness quote from nun and missionary Mother Teresa teaches us to enjoy the moment and not to want more than what we have. Sometimes it can be hard to fully embrace the now and stop worrying about the future, but this quote reminds us that we should try to live simply and in the present. It also reminds us that we should practise gratitude for what we have, however little. By always being more grateful in life, we can become less self-centred and materialistic, and overall become happier with our lives. 4. “Feelings come and go like clouds in a windy sky. Conscious breathing is my anchor.” Thích Nhất Hạnh One of the most influential figures in the fields of mindfulness, meditation and Buddhism, the wisdom of Thích Nhất Hạnh has provided countless quotes on mindfulness, but this is one of my favourites. This quote is all about remaining centred and focusing on our breath through meditation, despite any changes or upsets in our mind. By bringing your attention to your breath, you can calm a busy or troubled mind and bring about an equilibrium. 5. “The real question is not whether life exists after death. The real question is whether you are alive before death.” Osho Indian mystic Osho was a controversial character, but there’s nothing debatable about this mindfulness quote: we agree 100 per cent! So many of us are rushing through life, doing the things we have to do: the treadmill of work, paying the bills, taking care of the family, etc. But in doing so, we often don’t stop to take in the world around us fully. Being mindful means consciously being aware, stopping to appreciate every moment of life, instead of living it at breakneck speed. “Having some inspiration in the form of mindfulness quotes can help you see the benefits of the practice and give you the power to keep going.” Likewise, this mindfulness quote is also a reminder to ask yourself if you are really living your true, authentic life. Are you doing the things which make you happy in life or are you just a slave to the wage? Are you using all your skills and being the best person that you can be? Using mindfulness can be a great tool to be still and evaluate if you are really alive before death! 6. “Look past your thoughts, so you may drink the pure nectar of This Moment.” Rumi Rumi was a Persian poet born in 1207. Books of his poetry have sold millions of copies in recent years, making him one of the most popular poets in the United States. Pretty good going for someone that lived 800 years ago! This mindfulness quote from Rumi shows why his sayings are so popular. Incredibly, experts estimate that the average mind thinks between 60,000 – 80,000 thoughts a day. Some of those thoughts include minor things like what we are thinking to eat for breakfast, but other, deeper thoughts can fly through our minds all day, such as negative thoughts about the past (rumination) and worries for the future. The problem is, when we are focusing on our thoughts, we are missing what is happening in our lives right now. Here and now. In this very moment. Calming the chatter – the monkey mind – through mindfulness can help you to stop overthinking and live in the present moment, helping you to enjoy life and be happier. 7. “We have only now, only this single eternal moment opening and unfolding before us, day and night.” Jack Kornfield This quote from Jack Kornfield – teacher, writer, and one of the leading proponents of Buddhism in the Western world – encapsulates one of the key elements of mindfulness: living in the present moment. The past is the past; we cannot change it, we can only learn from our mistakes and try to move forward. • JOIN US! Sign up today and make new friends at happiness.com • Likewise, we can try and plan for the future to some degree, but life has the habit of throwing things up in the air to disrupt those plans! Indeed, what we truly only really have is this moment we are living now, and because of that, we should focus on that and make the most of it. 8. “The only way to live is by accepting each minute as an unrepeatable miracle.” Tara Brach This mindfulness quote from respected teacher and author Tara Brach is essentially saying the same thing. We must learn to appreciate that our time on Earth is limited and we should make the most of every minute. This quote also hints at the power of gratitude, suggesting we should be grateful for the gift of life and all the wonder it brings. When problems and thoughts start to cloud your mood and mind, remember this mindfulness quote and try to bring yourself back to the idea of appreciating every moment of our existence. 9. “Paradise is not a place; it's a state of consciousness.” Sri Chinmoy All too often we are searching for our own idea of Paradise: be that in the form of our dream home, an exotic holiday or the perfect relationship. And while, of course, it’s great to have dreams to aspire to, we mustn’t neglect the idea that we can be happy with what we already have. Indeed, it’s our mental attitude that can be a source of peace and contentment. If we achieve a peaceful, conscious mind, free from conflict, it can bring us great joy. Practicing mindfulness can help us achieve this state of being. This quote from Indian spiritual leader Sri Chinmoy reminds us that happiness is a journey, not a destination. 10. “Mindfulness isn’t difficult, we just need to remember to do it.” Sharon Salzberg Best-selling author Sharon Salzberg has written many meditation and mindfulness books and has been teaching meditation since 1974. So, she’s pretty well placed to be able to talk about the difficulty – or ease – of practising mindfulness. Indeed, Salzberg's quote is spot-on. Practising mindfulness in itself is not difficult as it’s simply a way of being that doesn’t require any more of our time. However, training our brains to remember to stay mindful at all times can be more of a challenge, especially if mindful behavior is new to us. However, we can change our behavior gradually, and this mindfulness quote is a reminder of that. ● Which of these mindfulness quotes do you live your life by? Do you have any others you would like to share? Let us know in the comments below. Want to discuss mindfulness with like-minded people? Head over to our forum. happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine ■ share and support in our happiness forum ■ Develop with free online Academy classes Learning | Self care | Meditation Written by Calvin Holbrook Calvin edits the happiness magazine, as well being an artist and travel lover. He also enjoys hiking, nature, swimming, yoga, sweaty dancing, and all things vintage!

With a saturated market, how do you pick the best book on mindfulness to suit you? You listen to our expert Ann Vrlak, that's how! Here she shares her Top 10 reads, whatever your mindfulness stance: beginner, skeptic, parent, science geek, and more. Are you interested in mindfulness, but overwhelmed by all the learning choices out there? Today, there are many kinds of mindfulness practices available to us. You can discover more through books, mindfulness podcasts, apps and courses, and each has its advantages. Many people love using mindfulness and meditation apps, for example, because the teacher guides them step by step. Books are your best path for in-depth learning about mindfulness. You can dive deep into the meaning of mindfulness practices, how they work and how people have been helped by using them in the real world with real challenges, like anxiety, depression, dissatisfaction at work, loneliness and more. The good news about all these choices is you can find a mindfulness practice that is tailored to fit exactly what your challenges or interests are. The bad news is all these choices can make it hard for a beginner to know where to start – but don’t worry, I’m here to help! Mindfulness: our pick of the best books I’ve done the hard work for you and found what I think are ten of the best books about mindfulness on the market. When you become more mindful, you become a little more present every day, a little happier and a little more able to respond well to whatever life brings your way. I've selected these mindfulness books based on different categories – such as best books for skeptics, for kids, for science-lovers, or those that want more practical mindfulness advice – so that can help you start your journey into mindfulness, whatever your position. 1. If you’re new to mindfulness Wherever You Go, There You Are: Mindfulness Meditation in Everyday Life by Jon Kabat-Zinn I’ve included two books by Jon Kabat-Zinn in this “best of” list with good reason. Kabat-Zinn is the creator of a program used around the world called Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR). It came out of his experience as a long-time student of Buddhism and as a Professor Emeritus of medicine. Kabat-Zinn writes in a warm, down-to-earth way as he describes step by step how mindfulness can bring richness and meaning back into what you do every day: making breakfast for your family, driving to work or school, and relating to other people. And he talks about the many proven benefits of mindfulness on well-being and happiness. 2. If you’re interested In mindfulness for children Child’s Mind: Mindfulness Practices to Help Our Children Be More Focused, Calm and Relaxed by Christopher Willard What a wonderful time for mindfulness for children! There are more studies done each year that show how simple, non-religious mindfulness practices bring all kinds of wonderful benefits to children, from more calm, to more empathy for themselves and others, to more confidence, and reduced anxiety and depression. • JOIN US! Sign up to learn more about meditation and mindfulness • My choice for best mindfulness book for adults about kids and mindfulness is Child’s Mind by Christopher Willard. This book is a lovely blend of psychology and mindfulness that delves into children’s gifts and challenges. After an excellent, short chapter on mindfulness basics, the book is divided up into different practices. Willard describes the benefits of each practice, which challenge it's best suited to (such as trouble falling asleep, for example) and steps on how to lead a child through it. The exercises like “Know Your Orange” and “Hugging Meditation” are simple, active ways for kids to gently explore mindfulness. 3. If you're a kid yourself interested in mindfulness Sitting Still Like a Frog: Mindfulness Exercises for Kids (and Their Parents) by Eline Snel What is mindfulness like? Well, it’s like sitting still like a frog, of course! You sit patiently and quietly, until there is something that needs your attention, and then you jump! The author creates fun and creative kid-friendly versions of basic adult mindfulness skills: like watching your worries go by on a conveyor belt, weathering the storm of emotions, and getting out of your head and into your body. The book, ideally for kids five to 12, includes a CD with guided practices that are lovingly narrated by the author. RELATED: The benefits of meditation for kids 4. If you’re a skeptic The Mindful Geek: Secular Meditation for Smart Skeptics by Michael W. Taft Are you curious but skeptical about mindfulness? Do you want more proof and less promises about how mindfulness works? This entertaining book, written by a tried and true skeptic, is for you. Michael Taft went on a quest to learn about mindfulness and the result is a fact-based book on practices, how you do them and how they affect you psychologically, neurologically and behaviourally. The author walks you through each exercise, in a no-nonsense style and discusses how they've been shown to help others facing anxiety, depression, chronic stress and dissatisfaction at work. 5. If you prefer practical tips How to Train a Wild Elephant and Other Adventures in Mindfulness: Simply Daily Mindfulness Practices for Living Life More Fully and Joyfully by Jan Chozen Bays, MD. I love this little book and nominate it as one of the best books on mindfulness. Jan Chozen has crafted 53 mindfulness exercises like, “Every Time the Phone Rings,” “When Eating Just Eat,” “Are You Overlooking Something?” and, one of my favourites, “Say Yes.” Each chapter is short, and describes the practice itself – usually in one simple sentence. She gives you ideas on how to remind yourself to do the practice every day, and some discoveries to watch for. “Books are your best path for in-depth learning about mindfulness. You can dive deep into the meaning of mindfulness practices, how they work and how people have been helped by using them.” The best part of each chapter is the “Deeper Lessons.” Here Chozen Bays talks about the purpose and meaning of these deceptively simple practices. These lessons help you see how what you learn could transform your life in very real ways. 6. If you want to reduce stress or anxiety Full Catastrophe Living: Using the Wisdom of Your Body and Mind to Face Stress, Pain, and Illness by Jon Kabat-Zinn This is the second book by Jon Kabat-Zinn that makes the best mindfulness book list for me. This inspired work is so full of understanding about living with anxiety and stress, and so full of ways mindfulness can help, I couldn’t leave it out. • JOIN US! Sign up today and make new friends at happiness.com • Kabat-Zinn dives in-depth into the modern pandemic of stress. He describes how far-reaching the effects of stress are, and how unaware we may be of those effects: poor sleep, poor digestion, negative chemicals saturating our brains, and an erosion of connection with ourselves and others. He lays out the science on the mind-body connection and how mindfulness can be a powerful tool to promote physical, psychological and spiritual healing. 7. If you want to improve your work performance or enjoyment Mindfulness at Work: How to Avoid Stress, Achieve More, and Enjoy Life! by Dr. Stephen McKenzie Mindfulness is a tool to make everyday living more enjoyable and meaningful – and this includes work. Most of us spend about a third of our lives at work, so when it becomes a source of stress and dissatisfaction, it can take a huge toll on our peace of mind. RELATED: Mindfulness at work - 6 productive tips The author brings the practice of mindfulness to the most common work stresses many of us experience. You’ll learn how to improve your focus, sense of satisfaction and decision-making and, perhaps most important, your ability to have peaceful, positive relationships with work colleagues. 8. If you want to read a classic Practising the Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle The Power of Now is a ground-breaking classic on meditation. This follow-up book, Practising the Power of Now, takes some of the core ideas from the original and presents them in short practices you can try as you go about your day. Some practices ask you to take a few mindful minutes in a quiet place, but most offer ideas for how to explore mindfulness when you’re with other people, driving, facing a stressful situation or wanting to make a good choice in a difficult situation. Try this book to discover the power of now for yourself. 9. If you want to geek out on the science Buddha’s Brain: The Practical Neuroscience of Happiness, Love, and Wisdom by Rick Hanson Rick Hanson is one of the best translators of mindfulness practices for beginners. He’s also a neuroscientist and an expert on the fascinating world of our minds: how they have evolved to survive, what happens in our minds and bodies when we’re being mindful instead of stressed, how we can develop lifelong habits that slowly but surely help our brains to see more of the “good,” rather than what stresses us – and much more. Hanson has a lot of science at his fingertips and he presents it in a way that’s easy to understand and applicable to your life. And he draws a map of how all this can help you become more happy, loving and wise! 10. If you're a deep thinker The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself by Michael A. Singer One of the best mindfulness books is The Untethered Soul. It's a rich book, heartfelt and practical at the same time. If you’re someone who is deeply curious about your inner world, about how your habitual thoughts and emotions affect you, I fully recommend this book. The author looks at how all of us come into adulthood with a whole repertoire of thoughts and emotions that we barely question, but which govern everything we see, believe and do. Using traditional mindfulness practices he shows you how to build a loving relationship with your deepest self and to choose new a new path that will free you from sometimes lifelong patterns of suffering and unhappiness. Final thoughts I hope at least one of these picks from the best books on mindfulness speaks to an interest or challenge you have right now. Try a few of them and go with the author that you feel the strongest connection with. Do they speak from experience? Do they care about you as a learner and approach mindfulness in a non-judgmental, caring way? Listen to what feels right for you and enjoy the journey of mindfulness! ● Main image: shutterstock/Dudarev Mikhail Which of these mindfulness books have you read or recommend? Any which would you add to the list? Share your thoughts in the comments below... Written by Ann Vrlak Ann Vrlak is Founder of OneSelf Meditation and a meditation practitioner for over 25 years. She’s a Certified Meditation Teacher for adults and for children (the best job ever!). She loves to share how the perspective and practice of meditation can support people with their everyday stresses and on their journey of self-discovery.

The dark skies and cold leave many of us struggling to stay upbeat during winter. Discover five ways to boost your mood and lift your spirits during those harsh months. Sponsored content When winter sets in, many of us look forward to the holiday season and seeing loved ones. However, others dread the cold weather, dark nights, and the time of year in general. If you resonate with the latter, your mood can be affected by the season. To help you think and feel more positive during this time, here are five tips that will help to lift your mood during winter. 1. Reach out to loved ones When you’re not feeling yourself during the winter months, you may want to hide away from the world and stay inside alone. However, this won’t do your mood and well-being any favours. So, if you have loved ones nearby, try and make an effort to see them throughout winter. While the idea of being social may fill you with dread, speaking to friends and family is proven to lift your spirits and make you feel less isolated. In fact, staying social is scientifically proven to reduce feelings of loneliness and boost well-being. However, if you can't face seeing anyone in person, a quick phone call or Zoom/Skype chat can make all the difference to how you feel. And you never know: your loved one may be feeling down also, so you may help to lift their spirits, too! 2. Exercise During the chilly winter, you may prefer to snuggle on the couch and use the season as an excuse to put your feet up. However, if you’re feeling down and not like your normal self, staying inside will likely do you more harm than good. Instead, doing some exercise can be a great mood booster. This is because physical activity releases endorphins in the brain which can make you feel happier and healthier. Whatever exercise you like doing, taking 30 minutes out of your day to do some can spark real results. Exercise is a great endorphin boost shutterstock/Halfpoint 3. Eat healthily If you’re the type of person who sees the winter as an opportunity to indulge in comfort food, try and do so in moderation. This is because too much junk food isn’t going to do your mood (or health) any good. Simple measures like eating more good mood foods including fruits and veg can give you more energy and lift your spirits. No one is saying you have to give up the comfort foods you know and love altogether. Instead, be proactive in eating well-balanced meals, and make treats an occasional thing only. “Staying social is scientifically proven to reduce feelings of loneliness and boost well-being. And your loved one may be feeling down also, so you may help to lift their spirits, too!” 4. Try kombucha tea If you haven't already heard of it, kombucha tea is a fermented drink that's made up of tea, sugar, bacteria and yeast. Some scientific evidence suggests that kombucha tea can make you feel better, since the beverage contains probiotics, which can also promote a healthier immune system. RELATED: How to heal your gut – 11 ideas to restore belly health So, if you’re not feeling yourself over the winter months, trying kombucha tea may be the answer. As you learn the basics of kombucha, you will find it may have other surprising benefits too. These include improving digestion, strengthening your immune system and reducing blood pressure. Don’t just take our word for it; instead, pour yourself a cup and you may soon reap all the benefits and lift your spirits at the same time. Kombucha tea can lift your spirits shutterstock/zarzamora 5. Meditate If things are getting too much throughout winter and your mood is spiraling out of control, you may need some time away from the hustle and bustle of day-to-day life. Something as simple as meditating can do wonders for your mood. Regular meditation is scientifically-proven to reduce your stress levels, so practise regularly and you will start to feel more relaxed, calmer, and hopefully happier. Rather than dreading winter and everything that comes with it, there are lots of minor changes you can make that can boost your mindset and mood during the colder months. Try some of suggestions and hopefully you will be feeling brighter and happier. • Main image: Pexels happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support in our happiness forum ■ self-develop with free online classes in our Academy Friendship | Healthy habits | Meditation

Feeling connected to others in a world that's increasingly individualistic may seem challenging, but as Dee Marques explains, there are some simple intimacy exercises you can use to develop stronger bonds, deepen connections, and improve the quality of your relationships. There's little doubt that humans are social beings. Feeling close to others contributes to our overall feelings of happiness and fulfillment. Indeed, there are plenty of studies that confirm this from a scientific point of view. In fact, scientists believe our brains are hardwired to be social and that our development as a species relied on our ability to maintain strong bonds. But although we live surrounded by people, loneliness and isolation are still some of the biggest social challenges of the 21st century. Indeed, researchers have noted that one can have a wide social network and interact regularly with others and still feel lonely or disconnected. This suggests that intimacy is a key factor in the development of meaningful connections with others. So, here are five easy intimacy exercises that can help deepen the connection you have with your partner and all the other important people in your life. 1. Meditation Meditation is a fabulous tool that can help you achieve greater awareness and connection with the world that surrounds us. Several studies have found that regular meditation practice has a positive effect on close relationships and helps develop a stronger sense of intimacy. According to these studies, there are several reasons why meditation works: first of all, meditation makes us more accepting of our own flaws, so we can easily become more forgiving of others. Secondly, meditation improves our ability to separate thoughts from emotions and makes us less 'reactive', so we can continue working on developing closeness, despite ups and downs in our relationships. Meditation helps deepen connections with others Shou-yi is a lesser-known form of meditation that comes from the Taoist tradition. The name itself means “to embrace the one”, so it's easy to see why this intimacy exercise can help deepen a connection with others. Shou-yi brings to the forefront of your mind the fact that in one way or another, we are all interconnected and interdependent. This technique is also known as “quiet sitting” and involves contemplative meditation based on Taoist philosophy: Sit down with your back straight Visualise the five 'yin organs', or bodily parts where energy resides: the liver, heart, spleen, lungs and kidneys. This could be compared to a body scan meditation, where you focus on one body part at the time Each yin organ has a colour associated to it. Liver is azure, the heart is a vivid red, the spleen is yellow, lungs are white and kidneys are dark blue. Focus on the relevant colour as you move through each body part According to Taoist scriptures, these colours also correspond to the five elements: wood (azure), fire (red), earth (yellow), metal (white) and water (dark blue) Visualize the flow between body parts, colours and elements The goal of this technique is to achieve a deep insight into oneness and bring a deep sense of harmony between humans, the earth and the cosmos. Once you are in the 'oneness mindset', it becomes easier to look at the forest instead of getting distracted by the trees (other people’s habits and traits that bother us). After all, there is a reason why Taoist philosophy has been used for peacebuilding and conflict management purposes. 2. Loving-kindness meditation A second intimacy exercise to help deepen connection is loving-kindness meditation (LKM). The ultimate goal of LKM is to strengthen compassion, love and appreciation for other beings, so it's an ideal technique to improve intimacy. RELATED: How to Improve Intimacy – 9 Techniques to Try A study of people who practised loving-kindness meditation for six weeks showed a reduction in the negativity levels of their relationships. Furthermore, participants reported having a stronger support network and felt increased happiness. The technique is also simple: Find a quiet space and choose a comfortable position Create a mantra, which should include good wishes towards others (for example: "May I be happy, healthy and free from harm. May you be happy, healthy and free from harm") Repeat the mantra in six stages: first direct it towards yourself, next towards someone who has had a positive effect in your life, then towards a relative or friend, next towards someone you feel neutral or have an occasional conflict with, then towards someone you dislike, and lastly, towards all beings While you repeat the mantra, picture those good wishes physically going from you to other people Here's another example of a loving kindness meditation by Jack Kornfield 3. Gratitude The third exercise is writing gratitude letters. Letting people know we value them and care for them can improve our relationship with others, since we become more likely to overlook people’s flaws, lessening any chance of conflict and helping us achieve a better appreciation of other people’s value. Gratitude letters can deepen connection because our feelings of gratitude are directly shown to the other person. This intimacy exercise has a strong impact on the quality of the relationship, as well as a lasting effect that can span several weeks, as shown by studies at the University of Pennsylvania. Even if you don't send the letter, putting your gratitude in writing makes you more aware of your positive emotions and is bound to make you feel closer to others. “Writing gratitude letters as an intimacy exercise can deepen connection because our feelings of gratitude are directly shown to the other person.” Gratitude letters work because when we direct our attention to gratefulness, we automatically divert it from toxic or negative emotions. And as some researchers have found, the benefits multiply over time, since cultivating an ongoing gratitude practice causes changes in brain activity in areas related to decision-making, meaning that there is a link between gratitude feelings and how we act towards others. Say thanks: gratitude letters are a great intimacy exercise 4. Getting to know you exercise The fourth method on deepening connections is a 36-question exercise that you can use to understand others better and get a better picture of who they truly are. For this intimacy exercise, you'll need to set at least 45 minutes aside and take turns asking the questions that you can find here. RELATED: 6 Types of Intimacy And How to Cultivate Them Research at US universities has shown that this exercise is effective in helping deepen connection and closeness between people. This is because the exercise relies on mutual self-disclosure as opposed to small talk. Furthermore, it requires both sides to open up, providing a safe environment where there's no fear of feeling vulnerable or one-sided. 5. Mindful listening Devoting time to properly listening to others (instead of simply exchanging views or acknowledging information) is one of the best ways of showing we care for them. Mindful listening is an intimacy exercise that can also help increase empathy, because in doing so we get to understand better other people’s motives, needs and fears, gaining a more accurate picture of who they are as human beings. “Meditation practice has a positive effect on close relationships and helps develop a stronger sense of intimacy.” So, next time you have a conversation with a partner or friend, focus on what they're saying without judging or interrupting, and do your best to be present in the moment, being supportive and receptive. It's also useful to have some guidelines in mind: Suspend assumptions Suspend judgement Suspend status (communicate on an equal-to-equal basis) Honour confidentiality Honour silence Deep listening works because by not being judgmental and overlooking differences in opinion, others feel more inclined to trust us. Overall, mindful listening improves the quality of our relationships and sets a solid foundation for authentic interpersonal encounters. Listen and learn: deep listening equals deeper connections The benefits of deeper intimacy We live in a society that's increasingly individualistic, so it's always good to remember the benefits of crafting a deeper connection with others and of cultivating intimacy in relationships. The benefits are both physical and emotional: being able to connect with others at a deeper level generates empathy, which has been proven to give a sense of purpose and to strengthen the immune system. Other studies show that stronger connectedness with others is a key component of our support system, can lower stress and anxiety levels, and has been linked to lower heart disease rates. Of course, lasting closeness, intimacy and loyalty will not come automatically. There is no magic pill when it comes to deepening your connection with others, but the five intimacy exercises we have discussed here are a good starting point that can help your enjoy richer and more meaningful relationships. ● happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support in our happiness forum Relationship advice | Communication skills | Learning Written by Dee Marques A social sciences graduate with a keen interest in languages, communication, and personal development strategies. Dee loves exercising, being out in nature, and discovering warm and sunny places where she can escape the winter.

The monotony of life can have us struggling with boredom. But it doesn't have to be this way! From changing your commute to trying new food, Dee Marques suggests 8 simple and science-backed ideas for shaking things up when you feel like has got stale. Why do we feel bored with life? Isn’t it a conundrum that we so often need a solid routine to feel settled, but once we get there, it doesn’t take long for boredom and fatigue to set in? Another contradiction that has become evident during the past year is that even though we may have more time than ever (especially if working from home), it’s also hard to find things to fill that extra time. Furthermore, even more contradictory is the fact that we now have a wealth of entertainment options at our fingertips. Indeed, digital technology has opened up a whole new world of things to do and learn, yet many people are still bored with life and don’t make the most of all that’s available. Life can be long and can be repetitive, but it’s also short and it would be a pity if we spent it being bored and demotivated. In this article I’d like to share some strategies I use whenever I feel bored with life. Exploring boredom
 We all feel demotivated and bored every now and then, and that’s natural. The cyclical nature of boredom is due to a process called hedonic adaptation. As humans, we have the ability to adapt to change, whether change involves positive or negative experiences. In some ways, this ability has guaranteed our survival as a species, but hedonic adaptation comes with a downside: once we get used to something, it no longer offers a challenge and we become apathetic. Although hedonic adaptation is a natural process, sometimes being bored with life can be problematic. Indeed, researchers have found links between boredom, substance abuse and mood disorders. It’s not that being bored with life can cause all of this, but it can aggravate tendencies or existing problems. For example, boredom can make people with depressive tendencies spiral into negative thoughts and feelings of worthlessness. In other people, feeling bored with life can trigger high-risk or destructive behaviours (like substance abuse or gambling, etc.) just to get a thrill. Bored with life? It's time to find meaning shutterstock/garretsworkshop Moreover, there’s a difference between being bored with life and being tired of life. The latter is what psychologists call existential boredom, a state in which nothing matters or sparks joy. You could picture it as a chronic feeling of being bored with life. The problem with being with tired of life is that it’s dangerously similar to depression. People affected by existential boredom have deep feelings of inadequacy and believe that life is passing them by without them achieving anything meaningful. RELATED: How to find meaning in life – 7 strategies The trick to avoiding this is knowing how to handle hedonic adaption. When apathy sets in, don’t let it take over. Look at it this way: being bored with life is another way the inner self has of asking, “is this all there is to it?”. In other words, a bored inner self is in urgent need of new challenges that bring joy and meaning to life. So, if the rot has set in, here are some ideas to shake things up a little when the monotony and routine of life is getting you down. Bored with life? 8 ideas to shake things up 1. Do something different – every day Novelty is the spice of life, but don’t just wait until you wake up to decide how novelty will look on that particular day. If you leave it to chance, it will never happen! Plan in advance and make a list of new things to try every day of the week. Coming up with ideas may be hard at first if you’re stuck in a rut. What I do is break the day down into different sections. For example, section 1 is “early morning” or “waking up”. Here you could choose to wake up earlier so you can watch the sun rise, start with a new morning meditation routine, or even stay in bed for longer if you’re usually an early bird! 2. Change your commute Seeing the same old sights every day at the same time of the day can be mentally exhausting. The good news is that there’s usually more than one way to get to the same place, so try a new route. If possible, walk, cycle or take the bus to work. It’s amazing how much more receptive we are to our surroundings when we’re not behind the wheel. new parks, green spaces “When apathy sets in, don’t let it take over. Look at it this way: being bored with life is another way the inner self has of asking 'is this all there is to it?'” Aside from helping to shake off your boredom, taking new routes to our workplaces or schools is scientifically-proven to boost your brain. When we try new routes and see new things, we activate the cortex, the part of the brain responsible for information processing. We also stimulate the hippocampus, the part of our brain that stores memory. At one point in his life, Microsoft founder Bill Gates took a new route home each day to stimulate his brain – and look what he achieved! And, if you're working from home, try working from a new place such as a café or co-working space every now and then. If you can’t, change the layout or décor of your home office (if you're lucky enough to have one!). 3. Find purpose in your work Talking of work, what we do for our living is a key component of finding motivation and keeping boredom at bay. Most of us spend eight or so hours a day working, so if you find your job monotonous and unchallenging, it’s easy to become bored with life. RELATED: How to Find Yourself Again: 10 Steps in Creating Clarity If your current role doesn’t bring meaning or purpose, it’s time to start thinking about a new career. Volunteering in your spare time is a way to explore options that may stimulate you without having to quit your current job. And if you can’t change jobs, try to come up with imaginative ways of doing what you already do – you can find 10 suggestions here. 4. Learn something new One of the most exciting things about life is that we all have the chance to never stop learning new things. Indeed, there are always new skills to learn and practise. If you're feeling bored, sign up for a new class, whether it’s something related to a new career path or something creative that can help you discover new talents. It could also be a new workout routine. Exercise is a proven mood booster, and there are so many options to try that it can take months or years to get bored. Personally, I’m a huge kickboxing and martial arts fan, but when I get bored of the same old routine I mix it up with dancing lessons. I’m terrible at it (!), but it doesn’t matter as long as it helps me snap out of that tired-of-life feeling. Turn off the TV and start a new course! 5. Do something for someone else Sometimes, focusing our attention on others is the best way to forget about our own troubles. If you’re bored with life, take interest in someone else’s life. Helping others creates a feeling of purpose, since we know we’re doing something useful, which is central to life satisfaction. So keep your eyes open for signs of people who may need help and think about how you can be useful to others. As a bonus, this will either help you make new friends or create deeper bonds with existing ones. 6. Try new food I recently came across a study on how important novelty is in fighting the feeling of being bored with life. The study looked at the effect of eating popcorn with chopsticks instead of with bare hands (how’s that for a non-boring challenge?) and found that it helped bring more enjoyment and grounding in the present and enjoyment. Even something as simple as finding exotic spices and preparing a new dish can help. 7. Become more mindful A professor at a Canadian University said that “mindfulness is accepting the present moment as it is, whereas boredom is the antithesis of that”. Of course, when when we’re bored with life, the last thing we want to do is think about how bored we are right there and then. But if done with the right intention, an inward and mindful look into our feelings can help. Looking for a place to start? Go through the questions listed in this practise exercise. 8. Cut down on screen time Social media and video games are meant to entertain us, but the problem with new technologies is that they’re designed to deliver instant gratification. Once that’s achieved, we’re on a wild goose chase to find something else that’s new and exciting. “One of the most exciting things about life is that we all have the chance to never stop learning new things. If you're feeling bored, sign up for a new class.” The mechanism behind instant gratification activates certain neural pathways in the brain that are similar to those found in addictive behaviour, which is why some people find it so hard to “disconnect” from the online world. However, digital entertainment doesn’t necessarily help fight boredom. In fact, it spending too much time on it may get in the way of trying some of the ideas suggested above that would make you feel less bored with life. So, either cut down on screen time, or choose carefully the content you consume instead of scrolling mindlessly. For example, instead of allowing the YouTube “black hole” to suck you in, only use the platform to watch videos related to new things you’re learning, as per point #4 above. Conclusion: escaping boredom Straddling the fine line between routine and monotony takes practise and determination, but the pay off is well worth it: you’ll be able to bring new experiences and variety into your life and discover new passions. So, if you’re currently feeling bored with life, don’t wait for the world to entertain you. Take active steps to find meaning and joy by using the ideas I've shared with you here. • Main image: shutterstock/shift drive happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practice, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ learn with free online classes in our happiness Academy Gratitude | Work life balance | Coaching Written by Dee Marques A social sciences graduate with a keen interest in languages, communication, and personal development strategies. Dee loves exercising, being out in nature, and discovering warm and sunny places where she can escape the winter.

If you have trouble drifting off at night, these 14 sleep hacks from Dee Marques will help you on the way to the land of nod more easily. Tossing and turning will soon be a thing of the past... Sleep problems can be incredibly disruptive to daytime activities and have a negative impact on our health and happiness. But, fortunately, if you can't rest well on a regular basis, there are many sleep hacks you can put into practice to improve the quality of your rest time. Some sleep problems are typically associated with the aging process. Older adults often report that both the quality and quantity of their sleep is affected. They become more sensitive to their environment, are more likely to take medication that interferes with sleep, and more likely to experience other age-related conditions, such as producing less melatonin, the hormone responsible for regulating sleep. RELATED: How to Do Yoga Nidra For Sleep: 4 Steps and Script Other common problems include insomnia, multiple waking during the night, restless leg syndrome, and a reduction in the total number of sleep hours, as well as sleep apnea, whereby breathing gets blocked during sleep. 14 sleep hacks for a good night's rest Developing better sleep has a positive effect on our health, and scientific studies prove that some age-related conditions improve when we get enough restful sleep. Indeed, this is the case of inflammation, heart disease, and depression. RELATED: How to Stop Thinking About Something: 9 Strategies There’s also a direct link between sleep and cognitive function, as older adults with sleep problems report poor memory, attention span issues, and higher stress levels. By contrast, good sleep brings benefits ranging from increased emotional well-being to better concentration, higher tolerance for pain, and a stronger immune system. So, if you can't sleep well, follow these 14 science-backed sleep hacks and learn how to fall asleep quicker today. 1. Bedtime ritual We're creatures of habit, and as we age, our threshold for changes in our daily routine becomes lower. Consistency in our bedtime routine helps set our brains in the right mood and sends the signal that it’s time to switch off for the day. Plus, an unwinding routine can help counter any triggers that cause us to stay awake, so do whatever helps your body and mind relax, whether it's listening to music, aromatherapy, writing in your journal, meditation or self-massage. Writing a journal is a ritual sleep hack shutterstock/WAYHOME studio 2. No electronics in the bedroom It's hard now so many of us are currently working from home, but our next sleep hack is to try not to use the bedroom as a second living room or office. Instead, keep it for the purpose for which it is intended: sleep! Indeed, studies have shown that exposure to blue light (light given off by electronic devices) interferes with our ability to get a good night's rest, so if you’ve grown used to reading on your e-reader, phone or tablet before bed, consider switching back to printed books. If you must use your electronic devices, change the brightness settings or use a blue-light blocking app. 3. Avoid other bright lights In addition to blue light, bright light from regular light bulbs can also disrupt sleep patterns. Studies have found that bright home lighting interferes with melatonin and disrupts the circadian rhythm (our internal body clocks), making our bodies believe that the day is still young and delaying sleep onset. “If you can't rest well on a regular basis, there are many sleep hacks you can put into practice to improve the quality of your rest time.” So, for better rest, or next sleep solution is to use dimmers or avoid bright light for at least one hour before bedtime, although some researchers recommend a longer window of up to three hours. 4. Beware of caffeine Yep, this is one sleep hack we know you're already aware of. But caffeine is not only present in coffee or tea (including decaf varieties), but also in chocolate, energy bars, some soft and diet drinks and ice cream that contains chocolate or coffee. Stimulants cause an increase in blood pressure and stress hormones, which is not what you want right before going to bed. It’s important to find out what your “cut-off” time for caffeine is. Be aware that it may change as you get older, as some studies report that caffeine sensitivity changes as we age. You should also take into account that caffeine interacts with certain medications that are usually prescribed to older adults. So, if you've recently started taking drugs to treat asthma or respiratory disease, antibiotics, estrogen, thyroid medication, or any drugs that slow down blood clotting, talk to your doctor about possible interactions. Watch yourself: find out what your cut off time for caffeine is shutterstock/Dragon Grkic 5. Eat a light dinner When planning your dinner, it’s best to avoid eating spicy, salty or oily foods. Also, try to reduce or avoid foods that contain starches and simple carbs, such as pasta or bread. These are hard to digest, can induce heartburn, and cause insulin levels to spike, meaning you may experience a sugar crash in the middle of the night. 6. Remove diuretics Keeping on the diet sleep hacks, be careful of consuming food and drink that might have you waking to head to the bathroom in the night. Tea and fruit juices are common diuretics (foods that makes us urinate), but you should also be aware of less obvious culprits such as celery, cucumber, watermelon, ginger, asparagus, lemon, beetroot, cabbage and pineapple. Plan your dinner so that there’s only a small amount of any foods that contain a high amount of water, which may wake you up in the night. 7. Increase activity levels Physical activity such as mindful running and swimming can help you fall asleep, as long as you find the right time to exercise. Indeed, working out right before bed may not be not be the ideal sleep hack since exercise increases the heart rate and releases stress hormones like adrenaline. Generally speaking, avoid exercising within three hours of bedtime. An afternoon jog can prepare you for rest shutterstock/Rido 8. The right temperature If you can't sleep well, it could be that your bedroom is too warm. Your sleeping space needs to be set up in a way that helps you unwind and fall asleep easily. One sleep hack is to pay special attention to temperature, because as we age, circulation to hands and feet lessens, and it’s easier to feel cold. “If you can't sleep well, it could be that your bedroom is too warm. Your sleeping space needs to be set up in a way that helps you unwind and fall asleep easily.” A study found that having warm feet helped people fall asleep faster, so use an electric blanket, socks, or even a hot water bottle to warm up. And although everyone is different, research points at the ideal bedroom temperature is somewhere around 20°C. 9. Don’t postpone bedtime Most of us rely on an alarm clock to wake up, but setting an alarm to remind you it’s time to go to bed may be useful if you find yourself postponing your bedtime again and again. This sleeping hack will help you establish a routine and train your body and mind to go to bed at the same time every night. 10. Choose quality mattress and pillows The aging process changes our bodies, and having good support for the spine and neck becomes particularly important. If you have trouble falling asleep or wake up feeling tired and achey, it may be time to replace your mattress and pillows. Scientists found that a medium-firm mattress can help with back pain, which is common in older adults. And less pain equals better sleep. Choosing quality pillows is another sleep solution 11. Daytime naps Naps can help us feel more alert and rested, but try not to do so for more than 30 minutes, and do it at the same time every day (not in the evenings, however). In fact, naps should not replace lost sleep at night, otherwise you will be aggravating sleep problems and making it harder to get into a regular night-time sleep routine. MORE LIKE THIS: Cat Naps – 5 Health Benefits of Taking a Siesta Deep Sleep Meditation – the Benefits You Can Take to Bed Feel Stress-Free Fast – 11 Science-Backed Techniques 12. Learn how to disconnect It’s easy to use the time we have before we fall asleep to go over our day in our heads, but this can easily turn into a formula for worry. Instead, stop ruminating and replace this habit with something that sets your mind on a positive note, such as writing a gratitude journal or meditating. “Keeping on the diet sleep hacks, be careful of consuming food and drink that might have you waking to head to the bathroom in the night. Tea and fruit juices are common diuretics.” Also, choose your bedtime reading materials carefully, since anything intellectually demanding or even a highly-engaging thriller may cause your brain to go into alert mode. RELATED: How to Meditate in Bed for Beginners 13. Don’t toss and turn Being aware of the fact that 'sleep is not happening' may cause you to feel stressed and anxious, creating a catch-22 situation that will not help you get further shut-eye. If you can’t sleep, get out of bed and read, write, or do any other soothing activity that’s part of your night-time ritual until you feel sleepy again. 14. Vitamins and good sleep Our final sleep hack concerns vitamins. Vitamin deficiency is one of the causes of insomnia, since some B-group vitamins play a key role in the production of melatonin. But at the same time, taking certain vitamins right before going to bed can be counter-productive. A study from the USA revealed that vitamin users were more likely to wake up during the night, and while the exact link between vitamins and sleep quality isn't confirmed, you may want to choose another time to take vitamins and supplements to be on the safe side. Conclusions: sleep hacks and solutions Although the aging process can negatively affect our ability to get a restful night of sleep, you should remember that you’re not powerless. If you're tired (literally!) of asking yourself 'why can't I sleep?', following our 14 sleep hacks should increase your chances of enjoying better sleep and feeling more alert. This will help you to achieve greater happiness and a healthier lifestyle, irrespective of your age. ● Main image: shutterstock/Kamil Macniak happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine ■ share and support in our happiness forum ■ learn with free online Academy classes Gratitude | Nature | Stress Management Written by Dee Marques A social sciences graduate with a keen interest in languages, communication, and personal development strategies. Dee loves exercising, being out in nature, and discovering warm and sunny places where she can escape the winter.

The ancient art of sound bathing is growing increasingly popular. Meditation teacher Ann Vrlak explores the benefits of sound bath meditation – from reduced depression, anxiety and pain, to an enhanced sense of spirituality. Have you heard about sound baths or sound bathing? These are actually new terms for an ancient practice. For many hundreds of years, in various cultures, sound bathing has been part of meditation practice and healing – in some places, since the 5th century! And in Australia, aboriginal tribes have employed the didgeridoo as a sound healing instrument for over 40,000 years. What is a sound bath? In a traditional practice, you would be lying down in yoga corpse pose, for half an hour up to a couple of hours, as the sound bath being created around you relaxed your mind and body, and led you into a meditation. Indeed, just as the name suggests, a sound bath fills the room with sound and envelops the listeners. In fact, it’s quite an intense experience. And, if you’re someone who finds it difficult to meditate, sound bathing may be a great way for you to settle into the practice more easily. Sound bathing encourages a calming, meditative state Is sound bathing like listening to music? So, how does a sound bath differ from listening to relaxing music, for example? The difference is there in the name: it’s a sound bath, not a music bath. The sounds that are used in this kind of practice are usually singular tones produced by instruments such as crystal bowls, gongs or bells. These specialized instruments are used because the sounds they emanate invoke deep relaxation and meditative states. Sound bathing is not about melody, but about the physical vibration of sound itself. The instruments are most often played in a way that produces deep, resonating tones that overlap each other. This creates a powerful field of vibration that is felt in body, mind and spirit – much in the same way that mantras do. RELATED: What is Vedic Meditation? The Mantras You Need To Know In many meditation traditions, sound is considered to be the most primordial and dynamic element in our universe. 'OM', the universal mantra, is said to be the sound of the universe itself, and its repetition will give you an increasing feeling of harmony and connection with all things that vibrate at its frequency. Whether you experience this kind of profound experience or not, the repetition of mantra, as well as sound bathing, encourages your mind to unwind by activating a deep relaxation response in your nervous system. Sound bath benefits: the sound of the gong invokes deep relaxation What’s a sound bath like? I mentioned earlier that sound baths are traditionally part of a meditation practice. It is a tool to relax body and mind, so you are more receptive to a meditative state. Today, sound bath events or sessions are used just as often solely for their relaxation benefits. Whether people come for a spiritual or relaxation experience, sound baths are extremely popular in many places. Furthermore, sound baths are also used as therapeutic tools to heal physical and psychological illnesses. In fact, I was very lucky to experience a healing treatment myself a few years ago that involved the placement of crystal bowls on my chest that were “sung” by the therapist. At the time I thought, “This is what a cello feels like. “Sound baths are traditionally part of a meditation practice. It is a tool to relax body and mind, so you are more receptive to a meditative state.” The sound vibrations reverberated through my body and created a deeply meditative, thought-free and pain-free state. I’ve never heard of this kind of treatment since – though I would go again in a second if I had the chance! For most of us, here is the kind of simple format you can expect at a sound bath event: participants lie down on their backs on a yoga mat, with blankets and pillows available. The sessions are usually conducted in a similar way to a yoga class, with several other people in the room. The therapist then begins the sound bath. They use one or more instruments to create the series of overlapping tones, from deep low tones on a large crystal bowl, for example, to high sparkling sounds like a small chime. The sound bathing usually begins quietly with frequent silences and grows in complexity and layering. The instruments create sounds that resonate and sustain for long periods, until they disappear into silence. RELATED: The Power of Silence: 10 Benefits of Cultivating Peace and Quiet 5 Skills You'll Learn Through Meditation Body Scan Meditation Script: Discover the Benefits Sound bathing can offer some people easier access to meditation. Following the sound into silence eases your attention away from your mind, into your body and into sound – and ultimately, the silence between sounds. If there is a guided meditation component to the session, the therapist leads you through the meditation while the sound continues. If there is no guided meditation in your session, you simply let your attention rest in the physical sensations of the sound in your body and enjoy. Bowls are key components of sound baths The benefits of sound baths When you have a sound bath, you receive many of the same benefits as you'd get from a regular meditation session: Reduced anxiety and depression Activation of your body’s relaxation mechanisms Better focus and concentration Promotion of good mental health Enhanced self-awareness Better sleep Plus, you can enjoy other benefits, like: The ability I touched upon earlier to move more easily into quieter, meditative states of mind Lowered blood pressure Relief of physical pain In terms of the science behind the practice of sound bathing, research studies into its potential benefits are few and far between. However, a 2017 study from the University of California did show that Tibetan singing bowl meditation had a positive effect on participants' mood, anxiety, pain and spiritual well-being. The study consisted of 62 participants. Compared with pre-meditation, following the sound meditation participants reported significantly reduced anger, tension, fatigue and depressive mood. Additionally, those who were previously naïve to this type of sound meditation experienced a significantly greater reduction in tension compared with participants who were experienced in this sound meditation. What's more, the feeling of spiritual well-being significantly increased across all participants. ““Sound bathing is not about melody, but about the physical vibration of sound itself. The instruments are played in a way that produces deep, resonating tones. This creates a powerful field of vibration that is felt in body, mind and spirit.” The results of this study may point to why the practice of sound bathing has a respected place at the heart of many meditation traditions. Want to try sound bathing? Sound bathing is an increasingly popular practice, so hopefully you can find a practitioner near you through a simple web search. If you can't currently enjoy an in-person class, you can manage to experience a sound bath for yourself, thanks to the internet. One group offers virtual sound baths. And you can take a three-hour (!) crystal bowl sound bath below, in high quality audio and video. I highly recommend it. You could also try creating your own sound bath at home. .embed-container { position: relative; padding-bottom: 56.25%; height: 0; overflow: hidden; max-width: 100%; } .embed-container iframe, .embed-container object, .embed-container embed { position: absolute; top: 0; left: 0; width: 100%; height: 100%; } s Free 3-hour healing sound bath online Shanti Bowl is one of many companies that sell Tibetan singing bowls, and they also provides instructions on how to create your own sound bath at home. If you can invest in a bowl, you’ll enjoy the added experience of making the sounds yourself and feeling the vibrations of the bell through your hands. You can listen for the tones and rhythms and silences that resonate most with you, and take you into a relaxed state. What to wear to a sound bath meditation If you're lucky enough to join a sound bathing meditation class, turn up in comfy, loose clothing such as jogging pants, leggings, or even PJs. Lots of people choose to wear white, as it's neutral and doesn't draw attention, but you can choose whatever colour you like. The takeaway: sound bathing At the very least, sound baths are one of the most unique experiences you’ll find and, at most, you may find a healing, relaxing, meditative practice that you can easily make part of your life. Especially with high quality recordings available online, sound bathing is more accessible than ever. Having done many live sound baths myself, I heartily recommend you try one if you can. The experience of the direct sound vibrations around you are hard to describe and the benefits you feel will stay with you long after the session! • All images: shutterstock/Microgen happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support in our happiness forum Stress management | Mindfulness | Burnout Written by Ann Vrlak Ann Vrlak is Founder of OneSelf Meditation and a meditation practitioner for over 25 years. She’s a Certified Meditation Teacher for adults and for children (the best job ever!). She loves to share how the perspective and practice of meditation can support people with their everyday stresses and on their journey of self-discovery.

Interviewer Veronika Eicher still had the distant flavor of raisins in her mouth – from finishing the 'raisin meditation' on Dave Potter’s MBSR course – when the pair sat down to talk. She asked him about his background in Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction, the motivation behind his free course, dealing with chronic pain, and meditation. When was the last time you ate mindfully? Dave Potter, fully-certified Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) instructor and retired psychotherapist, laughs before answering: “Well, it’s all a matter of degree. Even though I'm a mindfulness teacher, there are times when I’m not eating very mindfully. For instance, last night my wife and I talked continuously through dinner, and I was not at all mindful of what I was eating. In a previous life as a marketing manager at Intel, many of our meetings were over meals and we were expected to do business and eat at the same time. I used to tell people that I didn’t progress any higher than I did on Intel’s corporate ladder because I never learned to eat and talk at the same time.” Although Dave didn’t stay at Intel for long, he spent over 20 years in the computer industry, first as a free-ance computer consultant and later founding a software company that grew to a dozen employees and customers all over the world. At age 51, although he loved technology, he came to realize that he was far more interested in people than computers, and he went back to school to get a graduate degree in counseling and became a psychotherapist. It was then that he started teaching mindfulness, which led me to my next question: How did you first get to know MBSR? “I found MBSR about the time I began working as a therapist, but I was not new to meditation, having meditated since I was in high school. Even though I was already a long-term meditator and didn’t think I had much to learn, after taking a training class from Jon Kabat-Zinn, I was impressed with MBSR and how teachable it was. MBSR, as Jon Kabat-Zinn taught it, is neither full of esoteric terms, nor religious. Instead, the language Jon used was so simple that wasn’t until Dave saw Jon teach the MBSR course that he understood the tremendous power of MBSR and this particular way of teaching meditation. “The language is very simple: ‘Pay attention to your experience while you are having it’, but embedded in the MBSR course was such depth and meaning that I wanted to share it with others, so I became certified to teach by the University of Massachusetts Medical School, where Jon Kabat-Zinn founded MBSR,” Dave explained. RELATED: 7 mindfulness tips for staying engaged Eating mindfully can be one of many daily opportunities to practice mindfulness Many people take the course to reduce the level of stress in their lives. You say that when you tell new students that they will need to dedicate 30 minutes a day to meditation, they often say: “Where will I find the time? This will make me more stressed, not less!” Isn’t that ironic? “In the beginning, many people do feel that it is more stressful, that’s true. This is because they are now paying closer attention to what is happening inside them, and they have begun to notice things that were there all along, but under the surface. But, typically, after about three or four weeks, things settle down. What most people discover by that point is that although their day is technically 30 minutes shorter, the rest of the day is more productive and much less stressful than it was before. So people do see the fruits of the practice, but often not until three or four weeks into the course. That's one of the reasons the course is eight weeks long and not three.” Discover more about Dave Potter's free MBSR course What can participants of the course expect to happen? “At first, it feels as if nothing is happening. You sit in meditation, your mind wanders, you pull it back, your mind wanders again, you pull it back again, and on and on, in a seemingly endless cycle. It looks like nothing productive is happening. But there is magic in this process that is not at all apparent while it’s happening. The point of the meditation is not to stop thoughts, but to change your relationship to them, and the critical place in which that relationship can change is when you notice your mind has been wandering. What people typically say in the beginning is, “I’m no good at this, my mind is wandering all the time, I can’t do this.” They're frustrated that they can’t get their mind to stay in one place and beat themselves up about it. But it's not about keeping the mind in one place: it's about what happens in that moment when you discover that you mind has wandered. It’s about accepting that fact and being kind to yourself at that moment.” RELATED: 9 science-backed benefits of meditation Jack Kornfield often tells a story about training a puppy to fetch. In the beginning, you throw the stick and the puppy doesn’t bring it back. But you don’t give up, and you throw the stick many, many times until finally, almost unexpectedly, the puppy brings the stick back to you. At that point you don’t say, “Bad dog!! Why didn’t you bring the stick back before now?!?”. You say, “GOOD BOY!!! GOOD JOB!” and give the puppy a treat. This encourages the puppy to do it again and strengthens your good relationship with your puppy. “It’s the same with our mind. We train our students to recognize that those moments when they notice their mind has wandered are moments of awakening. These moments of awakening are cause for celebration, not self-criticism. Every single time you notice your mind has been wandering, you have just broken a life-long habit. This is what we aim for in our meditation.” Train your meditative mind like a puppy: with patience and treats! I must admit, I thought that when you meditate long enough – perhaps like you as a life-long meditator – that at some point your mind doesn’t wander anymore. Is that incorrect? “It’s not true that advanced meditators have learned to stop their thoughts entirely. Eliminating thoughts is actually not the goal of this type of meditation. Thinking is not a function we aim to eliminate. We need thinking to plan, to organize, to build, to create. Thoughts are important, but they are not the most important aspect of our experience, and, in fact, the thoughts we do have are often untrue or misleading. Tara Brach often says, ‘thoughts are real, but not true.’ RELATED: Tara Brach – psychologist, meditation author and teacher It’s true that there are types of meditations designed to perfect concentration but this type of meditation, when combined with a single-minded goal of achieving states of absorption and bliss, don’t address the realities of day-to-day life. There's a story about a monk who goes up to a mountain cave to meditate in isolation. After years of practice, he perfects his concentration to the point where he is in almost continuous bliss and decides he is ready to come down from the mountain. Five minutes after arriving to town, one of the vendors at the market makes an insulting comment and he blows up in anger, seemingly undoing his years of practice in just moments. “People do see the fruits of MBSR, but often not until three or four weeks into the course. That's one of the reasons the course is eight weeks long and not three.” The type of meditation taught in MBSR includes both concentrative meditation and a more open-ended meditation that can be accessed in the midst of daily life, in which the meditator is fully aware of what’s happening around him and in him, on a moment-to-moment basis.” Your MBSR instructor: Dave Potter Dave Potter and I are talking more about the power of our minds. He shares the example of a Buddhist monk, Matthieu Ricard, who's had 50,000 hours of meditation practice over 30 years (that’s five hours a day – every day!) and who has been extensively studied by psychologists and neuroscientists. Paul Ekman, a University of California psychologist, suspected that Ricard would have a very low “startle response”, which has been shown to correspond to anxiety; the more anxious a person is, the stronger the physiological response to being startled. In this laboratory test, the subject is wired up to instrumentation and the physiological response to a very loud sound, similar to a gun-shot, is measured. When Ekman tested Ricard, he had to do it a second time because he couldn’t believe what his instruments were telling him about Ricard’s reaction. Ricard’s physiological response was lower than any subject he’d ever tested. In fact, it was lower than medical science had up to that point thought possible. When he asked Ricard how he did that (expecting he would say he brought his attention to a single point and blocked everything else out), Ricard said he did the opposite – he said that instead of narrowing his attention, he widened it, imagining himself to be as big as the universe, so large that it could easily absorb any sound or disturbance. He said he heard the sound very clearly, but it wasn’t bothersome to him due to his having widened his perspective to include and accept absolutely everything that came into awareness. Could this technique also be a way that MBSR participants learn to deal with discomforting feelings or chronic pain? By imagining the biggest pain and experience as less painful within the practice? The course doesn’t eliminate pain. For instance, people who have a chronic pain condition have typically tried everything and there is nothing doctors can prescribe that is safe that would eliminate the pain. In the MBSR course we aren’t working on eliminating the pain, but changing our relationship to it. We teach our students to work with difficult emotions and physical pain in a paradoxical way, something we introduce in Week 5, in a practice called “Turning Towards”. Students learn through this practice, building on skills they’ve learned in the first four weeks, that they can be with difficult feelings or sensation without being alarmed. RELATED: Mindfulness quotes – 10 sayings to inspire and ground you In the case of chronic pain, instead of trying to make it go away, which of course doesn't work, we ask students to get curious about it. Without labeling the discomfort as “pain”, we have them investigate the actual physical sensations. For instance, is it sharp or throbbing, large or small, precisely where is it located, what are its boundaries? By examining it closely, in a curious, non-fearful way, they discover that their “pain” is not a static thing, that their experience of it shifts when they're curious about it in this way. “Through MBSR we aren’t working on eliminating the pain, but on changing our relationship to it.” Then, after exploring the difficult area, we ask them to move their attention to a part of the body that is relatively relaxed, and stay there for a moment, noticing what kind of sensations they have there, maybe warmth or softness, or simply freedom from pain. This can look like we’re asking them to distract themselves, but we are simply having them shift attention to another part of their body, one that is actually connected to the difficult area. Then, after spending a few minutes there, they go back to the difficult area, and back and forth. By doing this a few times, the students experience the discomfort as only part of them, and that it’s not fixed and unchangeable. In this way, the student learns to see and experience the difficult area in a larger context, similar to the way that Matthieu Ricard did with the loud sound in the “startle” test. So, in that sense, it is a widening of awareness and perspective that makes the pain less difficult. Probably the most gifted and skilled meditation teacher for dealing with chronic pain is Vidmayala Burch. She is founder of Breathworks in the UK and understands chronic pain because she has dealt with serious, debilitating pain she has had her entire adult life, including now. She is a gifted teacher and role-model for those dealing with chronic pain. Vidyamala often uses pillows to demonstrate how we compound physical (or emotional) pain with fear and worry, having a student sit in the center of the room with a pillow on their lap, saying that the pillow represents the physical pain, the difficult sensations themselves (or problematic life event). Then, on top of this pillow, another is added, representing a fear or worry they have about the pain, such as the fear that the pain will get worse. Then they add another, maybe about the worry that if it keeps up they won’t be able to work and support themselves, and another, and another, each one representing a specific worry or fear, until the pillows are stacked so high they are higher than the student’s head. Then Vidmayala would ask them to remove the pillows of worry and fear one by one, letting go of each one until all that remains in their lap is the first pillow representing the actual physical sensations. That pillow is still there, but much less troublesome than it was when buried under all the other pillows of fear and worry that were added to the actual physical pain (or problematic life event). Pillow practice for pain: MBSR was originally designed for pain patients The 'Pillow Practice' with Vidyamala Burch was mind-opening for me, as a chronic pain patient. Is this what mindfulness is about? Exactly. Being mindful is about realizing what is actually happening as well as noticing that we are compounding the situation with our fears and worries. In Buddhist terms you would say there is the first arrow which is the difficulty itself and the second arrow is all the worries and fears we have about that. We can’t always do anything about the first arrow, but the second arrow that is magnifying the difficulty can be removed. You were one of the first teachers to provide us with your MBSR course for free in our happiness academy and you also provide the course on your website palousemindfulness.com free of charge. What was your motivation for this? “There are a couple of answers to that. The first is: “Why not?”. The fact that I can even say this is because I’m retired and don’t need extra income and because of the efficiencies and reach of the internet. But, most importantly, I knew there are people who cannot afford to pay for a mindfulness course, and in many parts of the world there is no access to an in-person MBSR class. My intention was to make mindfulness as widely available as possible, no matter what the financial situation or geographic location. I’m fortunate that this is also the intention of most of the other teachers of mindfulness, even those who are well-known and can command high fees for their teaching. World-renowned mindfulness teachers such as Jon Kabat-Zinn, Vidyamala Burch and Tara Brach have given me their written permission to use their videos and writings without any fee so that mindfulness can be more widely available. “The course does not make life perfect. It's about being at peace with not feeling peaceful.” As a former psychotherapist, it makes me happy to know that, through the Palouse Mindfulness course, people are being helped. Every day, I get letters from people who say the course has changed their lives. As a retired therapist whose work was about helping people, what could be better? RELATED: Meditation vs mindfulness – what's the difference? The course does not make life perfect. It’s not about being peaceful all the time. Not even the Dalai Lama is peaceful all the time. It's about being at peace with not feeling peaceful. When I hear from my students that this is what they’ve learned and that they are happier and more resilient than they were before, this is worth more to me than any monetary compensation.” Finally, do you still meditate on a daily basis? “I do. I’ve had a few periods in my life when I didn’t maintain a formal sitting practice, figuring that if I just lived my life mindfully, letting 'life' itself be my meditation, that would be enough. While that might be true, in principle, because any experience can be made into a mindful experience, during those periods without a formal practice, much of my life wasn’t very mindful. So, about 30 years ago, after being an on-again, off-again meditator, I committed to a regular, daily meditation practice of half an hour every morning and haven’t stopped since, except for a handful of days during that 30-year period. I don’t meditate to have some peace experience while I’m meditating, although that can be pleasant; I do it because of how it affects the rest of my day. My morning meditation creates a resilience and aliveness during the rest of the day that wouldn’t be there if I didn’t have this practice. My morning practice is actually fairly simple, similar to what in Soto Zen is called “zazen” or “just sitting”, a time that I don’t have to be anywhere else or doing anything else, a time that is just for me. Years ago, when my daughter was young, we took a parenting course from Barbara Coloroso and at the end of the course, she said, “I want you to spend 30 minutes a day with the person you are going to be with for the rest of your life with… and I don’t mean your spouse, because they may go before you. I mean you.” ● Thank you Dave, for the talk and for your work. Enroll here for the free MBSR course at the happiness academy. And don't forget to join in the MBSR course discussion in the forum: share your experiences and ideas with other members. Watch the full interview with Dave Potter: Interview by Veronika Eicher Veronika is a freelance writer. She likes to spend her free time working on her dream of a farm. On Instagram she writes about climate crises, nature and sustainable living.