Search the Community

Practicing forgiveness is a scientifically-proven way to cultivate deeper happiness. However, forgiving someone and dropping a grudge isn't always easy. Arlo Laibowitz shares a 9-step process that enables you to forgive, let go of suffering, and move on with your life. Human relationships are beautiful, dynamic and invariably complex. They can bring us great joy, comfort and growth, but they can also lead us to the depths of despair when we are betrayed, misunderstood, disappointed or unfairly treated. In our journey through life, the question isn't whether if we'll experience such hurtful moments, but rather when we'll encounter them – and how we'll cope. Indeed, to live is to get hurt. We've all been in the situation that we feel that others have done us wrong: by their words, their actions, or even worse, their indifference. And then there also the things we regret doing or saying ourselves. We've all heard the saying 'to forgive and forget', but in practice, we tend to hold on to our feelings of hurt and resentment. In fact, the best way to deal with these hurting moments is by actually learning how to forgive someone. That's because there's a wealth of scientific evidence that suggests that practicing forgiveness can be of great benefit – both mentally and physically. Why do we hold onto a grudge? Being hurt or betrayed by someone – particularly someone you care about – causes confusion, anger, and sadness. If you continue to dwell on these hurtful events, resentment-filled grudges can develop and take root, opening you up to being consumed by a sense of injustice or bitterness. What are the negative effects of holding a grudge? If you find it hard to practice forgiveness, you may: Become so obsessed with the wrong that you can't enjoy the present moment. Bring bitterness and anger into new friendships/relationships. Become irritable, depressed, or anxious. Lose potentially valuable and enriching connections. Understanding the Power of Forgiveness So, how can we learn how to forgive someone for good? And how does forgiving help us to lead happier and more peaceful lives? Forgiveness is defined as a conscious, deliberate decision to let go of resentment or vengeance towards a person or group who has harmed you. However, forgiveness doesn't necessarily mean forgetting, condoning, or excusing offences. It is what we do for ourselves to get well and move on. Forgive and forget someone in nine simple steps shutterstock/fizkes Furthermore, forgiveness is not just a nebulous, spiritual concept but a science-backed strategy that can lead to better emotional and physical health. According to numerous studies, forgiveness can reduce depression, anxiety, and lead to better heart health. In a 2005 study, researchers at the Department of Psychology at Luther College, Iowa, discovered a direct link between forgiveness and several aspects of health, including cardiovascular functioning, physical vitality, and overall mental health. The act of forgiveness also led to lower levels of fatigue and better sleep quality. “There's a wealth of scientific evidence that suggests that learning how to forgive someone can be of great benefit – both mentally and physically.” Extend this prime notion further with research from University Hospitals of Cleveland in 2003. It was found that individuals who were better at forgiveness showed less stress, anger and depression. Those who held onto their resentment had higher levels of cortisol, a stress hormone, and a higher rate of perceived stress. Finally, Dr. Fred Luskin of Stanford University found in his 2006 study that forgiveness training could not only effectively decrease depression, stress and hostility, but it could also increase feelings of optimism, hope, and self-confidence. How to Forgive Someone in 9 Steps In fact, it was Fred Luskin that originally outlined this 9-step forgiveness program. It helps us to take things less personally, blame others less, and offer more understanding and compassion to others, and to ourselves. So, if you are seeking how to forgive someone who has hurt you, follow these steps: 1. Reflect On Your Experience Know exactly how you feel about what has happened and be able to articulate what is wrong about it. Then, tell a couple of trusted people about your experience. This step encourages expressing your emotions openly, and sharing your experience with others. The key here is acknowledging how the situation made you feel, and expressing that genuinely. 2. Commit Yourself to Feel Better Forgiveness is a personal process. The process starts with a commitment to oneself, highlighting that forgiveness is about your well-being, not the offender's. You are choosing forgiveness for your own peace and tranquility. How to practise forgiveness 3. Don't Condone Forgiveness does not have to mean reconciliation or condoning the actions of the person that has grieved you. Forgiveness is about peace and understanding and taking things less personally. It is about the shift in your own feelings and mindset. 4. Shift Perspective Get the right perspective on what is happening. Recognize that your primary distress is coming from the hurt feelings, thoughts, and physical upset you are suffering now, not from what offended you or hurt you two minutes or ten years ago. “Forgiveness is a personal process. The process starts with a commitment to oneself, highlighting that forgiveness is about your well-being, not the offender's.” This step encourages the recognition that the ongoing pain and distress, rather than the past event, is what primarily causes suffering. 5. Try Calming Exercises Practice stress management to soothe flight or fight, by doing conscious breathing exercises, taking a walk, or whatever else works. Actively manage stress as it occur and aim to soothe your body's reactive response. 6. Lower Expectations Give up expecting things from your life or other people that they do not give you. Luskin advises letting go of unmet expectations for the sake of your tranquility. It's important to accept that you cannot control others’ choices and actions. MORE LIKE THIS: Self-Forgiveness: How to Forgive Yourself in 7 Steps The 6 Steps to an Effective Apology How to Let Go of Bitterness and Resentment 7. Change focus Put your energy into looking for ways to get your positive goals met, instead of focusing on the experience that has hurt you. This step promotes positive thinking and goal-driven attitudes. Instead of dwelling on the hurtful experience, channel energy into seeking constructive ways to meet your positive goals. 8. Look Around You Remember that a well-lived life is an ultimate revenge: look for love, beauty, and kindness. Put energy into appreciating what you have instead of what you don’t have. Living a good life is the best retaliation. It's about taking back the power the offender has over you by shifting focus from negative feelings to the beauty and positivity surrounding you. 9. Remind yourself Amend the way you look at your past; cherish your forgiveness. This is the final step to recalibrating one's perspective. It's crucial to prevent past experiences from tarnishing the present moment. This step helps to restore equilibrium and positivity in life. Embracing forgiveness is like setting a prisoner free and discovering that the prisoner was you. Learning how to forgive someone who hurt you may be gruelling. However, this nine-step forgiveness program can provide you with a structured, practical pathway to navigate through your journey of healing. Remember, healing will take time and patience, but by practicing forgiveness sustainably, you will be opening the door to inner peace, better health and enhanced happiness. What if the person I'm forgiving doesn't change? This is a good question, but getting another person to change isn't the point of learning how to forgive someone. Forgiveness is all about focusing on what you can control and how it can improve your life by ushering in peace, happiness, and emotional healing. Forgiveness removes the power the person that did you wrong continues to hold over your life. The Takeaway: How to Forgive Someone Understanding how to practice forgiveness is more than just about releasing resentment or letting go of grudges. It is about breaking down walls, building bridges and starting on a path to recovery, acceptance and ultimately, happiness. Indeed, research has shown that as we forgive, we are less susceptible to stress, anger and hurt. Once we have learnt how to forgive, it becomes easier to do that in new situations and induces more optimism.So, start on this transformative venture today, and discover the liberating power of forgiveness - not merely for the sake of those who have wronged you, but for your own well-being and harmony. ● Written by Arlo Laibowitz Arlo is a filmmaker, artist, lecturer, and intermittent practitioner of metta meditation and morning yoga. When not dreaming about impossible projects and making them happen in the most impractical ways possible, he journals, listens to jazz, or cuddles with his better half. .embed-container { position: relative; padding-bottom: 56.25%; height: 0; overflow: hidden; max-width: 100%; } .embed-container iframe, .embed-container object, .embed-container embed { position: absolute; top: 0; left: 0; width: 100%; height: 100%; }

Is it possible to spread joy and positivity simply through our actions? Can happiness really be contagious? Sonia Vadlamani delves into the science behind how happiness can ripple through our social circles and impact on others. Even as someone who leans toward introversion, I find myself smiling at strangers when I travel or while visiting a new place. What began as an intuitive gesture has gradually developed into a personal experiment to see whether such a visible expression of happiness could be contagious. And, more often than not, sharing a smile with strangers usually works in my favour. This is true especially in crowded, high-stress environments like airports. Given the frustrating delays, extended layovers and long transit hours, a simple smile can feel like a kind gesture – a way to soothe frazzled nerves and uplift spirits. Indeed, over time, I’ve noticed something remarkable: happiness does appear to be contagious. The proof is in the pudding: when I was smiley and upbeat, the over-stretched airline staff seemed more courteous and check-ins became smoother: there wan't an issue when my luggage was slightly over the allowed weight limit and I often got a seat upgrade for free. Indeed, it’s hard to stay grumpy when someone around you is being kind and pleasant. Our author tested the happiness contagion theory while traveling OK, this doesn’t work every single time, but it does make a meaningful difference very often. It seems our attitude does influence the environment around us. Which raises a powerful possibility: that happiness is contagious as well. So, is Happiness Contagious? What Science Says The contagiousness of happiness isn’t just a theory but a widely researched and scientifically validated phenomenon. In fact, a longitudinal social network analysis of almost 5,000 individuals spanning over 20 years establishes that happiness is a collective phenomenon, spreading up to three layers of separation within a social cluster. In essence, people who are surrounded by happy people are more likely to become happier themselves, particularly when in close proximity. This ripple effect of happiness can be partly explained through the theory of emotional contagion, which proposes that we subconsciously mimic the facial expressions and emotional states of the people we come into contact with. Our brains are equipped with a network of cells known as the Mirror Neuron System (MNS), which interprets the facial movements and emotional markers of those around us and reflects the same. This also explains why we tend to “mirror” the emotional cues from our environment – why we instinctively smile when someone is smiling and grimace when others around us seems tense. “Happiness is contagious, no doubt. However, spreading joy doesn’t require grand gestures and extensive shifts in your routine. Very often it’s the small, thoughtful actions that leave the biggest impact on others.” Dr David R. Hamilton, renowned author and founder of The 21-Day Kindfulness Experiment, elaborates on the happiness contagion phenomenon: “This means that if you become happier, you will increase the likelihood of your friends becoming happier (1-degree), your friends’ friends (2-degrees), and your friends’ friends’ friends (3-degrees). And most likely you have never met, nor will ever meet, most of the people in this latter group. Yet your change in happiness affects them.” Emotional contagion plays a key role in personal relationships by encouraging behavioural synchrony. Simply put, we often mirror the behaviours of happy people around us – consciously or otherwise – driven by the promise of greater well-being and life satisfaction. Laugh and the world laughs with you: 5 ideas to spread happiness Happiness is contagious, no doubt. However, spreading joy doesn’t necessarily require grand gestures and extensive shifts in your routine. Very often it’s the small, thoughtful actions – along with the ability to be present and attentive – that leave the biggest impact on others. Here are five simple yet powerful practical ideas you can implement into your day-to-day activities to help you spark joy that ripple outward: 1. Extend small acts of kindness A review of 489 articles and 27 studies by researchers Oliver Scott Curry et al found that small acts of kindness boost wellbeing and happiness levels. Martin Seligman, professor at the University of Pennsylvania, expands upon this striking insight in his book Flourish: A Visionary New Understanding of Happiness and Well-being, "We scientists have found that doing a kindness produces the single most reliable momentary increase in well-being of any exercise we have tested. Here is the exercise: find one wholly unexpected kind thing to do tomorrow and just do it. Notice what happens to your mood.” Show kindness to waiting staff who are often rushed off their feet Indeed, extending kindness doesn’t just benefit the recipient but helps the giver feel better about themselves as well. Being kind to others leads to the release of “feel-good” hormones like endorphins and oxytocin that also improves the helper’s mood, bolstering the idea that happiness is contagious. This phenomenon, also known as “helper’s high,” creates a ripple effect that can brighten someone’s day while lifting your own spirits. If wondering where to begin, start with small, random acts of kindness. You can engage in ‘pebbling’ – a term inspired by the charming trait of penguins, who present their mate with the most perfect pebble they can find. Pebbling involves low-effort but meaningful gestures that show you care, like: Holding the elevator for someone Helping someone carrying a heavy stroller on a staircase Complimenting a stranger on a great outfit Surprising your coworker with their favourite muffin Acknowledging someone behind the counter with a smile and a friendly “How’s your day been?” Recommending a book to a friend you think they’d love Running errands for an elderly neighbour Sending an encouragement text to someone before an exam or interview Unlike grand gestures involving significant effort, planning or money, pebbling is essentially rooted in kindness. While seeming like simple, spur-of-the-moment actions, these kind gestures can go a long way in spreading positivity and cheer. 2. Gossip, But Positively While complimenting someone directly may be discredited as flattery or brown-nosing, praising someone behind their back seldom comes across as insincere. As prominent author and life coach Martha Beck explains in an article on Oprah.com, “What people say behind our backs really sticks.” So, the next time you find yourself wondering, “is happiness contagious,” try spreading it through positive gossip. “Being kind leads to the release of 'feel-good' hormones that also improve the helper’s mood, bolstering the idea that happiness is contagious.” Use the tendency to gossip to uplift rather than undermine: admire people in their absence and share genuine compliments with third parties. According to a study published by the Computer Science Department of the University of Minnesota, in addition to halting the train of negativity, positive gossiping can also elevate the social standing and perception of the person being discussed. 3. Share Smiles: Even If They’re False We tend to smile when we’re happy. And as both science and my own experiment showed, smiling can spark feelings of trustworthiness and happiness in those who witness it as well. However, a recent collaborative study published in Nature Human Behavior found that even posed smiles can make us happier as well. This concept, known as the ‘facial feedback hypothesis,’ suggests that recreating the facial features resembling a smile – even when you don’t genuinely feel joyful – actually signals your brain to generate more positive emotions like cheerfulness. A small gesture, if you think about it, with a surprisingly impactful pay-off – both for yourself and others. Share a smile and see that happiness is contagious! 4. Offer Moral Support People often feel isolated when left to deal with challenges and difficult situations on their own. Offering support to someone going through a rough patch can be a powerful way to spread happiness. You don’t need to go out of your way – a bit of compassion and empathy can make a big difference. Fully listening to a friend or colleague without judgment, being mindful of a loved one’s needs during tough times, offering a shoulder to lean on, or volunteering your time to help can lighten their burden and provide comfort. 5. Nurture Yourself First Indeed, we now know that positivity is contagious. However, you can only spread the cheer when you genuinely feel good yourself. Research shows that even short breaks can help restore attention and improve cognitive performance. So, take time out to pause and reflect. Think of it as checking in with yourself. Assess if your habits and choices still align with your goals and if they’re helping you create a life of joy and purpose. Resist the urge to judge yourself too harshly. Instead, celebrate the progress you’ve made so far and how close you are to building a meaningful, purpose-filled life that you’ve envisioned. Takeaway: Yes, Happiness is Contagious Indeed, happiness isn’t just a personal experience, but a social one, given that happiness can ripple through our social circles, influencing our friends, family members, and even strangers. As the old saying goes, “Laugh and the world laughs with you.” When you align your life choices with your values and follow your bliss, your emotional well-being can uplift others around you. By intentionally prioritizing your well-being, you’re not just nurturing yourself but playing an active role in creating a joyful, kinder world. ● shutterstock/View Apart, shutterstock/Jlco Julia Amaral, shutterstock/PICHES KANTHAWONG happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free now to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum Neuroscience | Empathy | Communication Skills Written by Sonia Vadlamani Fitness and healthy food blogger, food photographer and stylist, travel-addict and future self journaler. Sonia loves to write and has resolved to dedicate her life to revealing how easy and important it is to be happier, stronger and fitter each day. Follow her daily pursuits at FitFoodieDiary or on Instagram.

Choosing kindness over negativity or indifference may not be our default setting, but we can cultivate it over time through consistent action. Sonia Vadlamani suggests 7 ways in which we can always be kind towards others – and ourselves, too. The discussion around kindness has heightened ever since the COVID-19 pandemic unfolded, perhaps owing to the rise of various aid groups during lockdowns and contingencies, or because the interruption of life as we knew it caused us to reconsider our priorities and values. Indeed, kindness is undoubtedly considered one of the most prized social currencies, in addition to being the cornerstone for humankind’s virtues. Philosophers and spiritual gurus have hailed the virtue of kindness as a potent gift for centuries, while academic researchers and psychologists have conducted considerable research centered on the power of kindness. Still, at some point in our lives, most of us have been denied a more compassionate approach by someone, or have disregarded the option to extend kindness towards others. Some of us may have been bullied online or received a harsh response to a genuine query, and at times we’ve regretted our indifferent or judgmental behavior towards others. With the wide-ranging benefits of kindness so well known, why do we need to be reminded to choose kindness – why don’t we 'just be kind' all the time? Why we should always choose kindness It's fair to wonder why we should have to 'choose' kindness, rather than it being our natural state. However, our perennially busy and fast-paced lives may have rendered us indifferent to the suffering and problems of those around us. Furthermore, our inherent negativity bias may persuade us to react strongly to unfavorable or unpleasant outcomes, instead of assessing the situation in a more objective light. RELATED: What Goes Around Comes Around: Is Karma Real? Additionally, human beings are wired to judge others according to their character and actions, while they tend to judge themselves based on the situation. This tendency – also known as “fundamental attribution error” – is based on the inconsistency in our reaction towards other people’s actions or views. While we may attribute our failures or decisions to the circumstances we were caught up in during a situation, we do not readily assess other people’s behavior and problems in the same understanding manner. For instance, if I ever park too close to someone else’s car, then I must have had an emergency, and hence it should be forgiven as a one-off incident. However, if someone else parked outside their line so that their vehicle encroaches on my parking spot, then they must be irresponsible and need to be taught a lesson! Does this line of thinking seem familiar to you? Donating goods – or time – to a food bank is one way to choose kindness Indeed, choosing kindness can bring about a much-needed shift in the way we judge. Always being kind can teach us to look carefully and objectively at the way we react to external stimuli and assess the circumstances before we react in a rude or harsh manner. How to Always Be Kind “Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible,” as the 14th Dalai Lama famously stated. Choosing kindness poses several benefits for us and others around us, yet costs nothing. To cultivate kindness as a daily practice, Dr Tara Cousineau – renowned psychotherapist and author of The Kindness Cure – suggests that we ponder over the question: how can I bring kindness into my day, in any small way? “Choosing kindness can bring about the much-needed shift in the way we judge. Being kind can teach us to look carefully and objectively at the way we react to external stimuli. Always be kind.” “Kindness is not random,” says Dr Cousineau. She explains that choosing kindness intentionally requires us to be compassionate, considerate, understanding and forgiving in a consistent manner, even on the days we may not feel like it. Authentic kindness requires genuine intention and effort on our part. The process of always being kind may gradually get easier once we start experiencing the joy or cheer that being kind sparks in others. How Does Choosing Kindness Benefit Us? Being kind comes with a wealth of research-backed benefits. Acting kindly can make us feel less anxious, and can ease social avoidance tendencies, allowing us to form meaningful connections. Kindness can also combat psychological distress and alleviate depression. A study by Dr Hans Kirschner from the University of Exeter revealed that being kind switches off our inbuilt threat response, allowing us to feel safe and relaxed. In turn, this promotes tissue regeneration and healing in the body. This ability to switch off the threat response can reduce the onset of disease and boost our well-being. 7 ways to choose kindness every day Cultivating kindness in our daily routine begins with consistent action. Researcher Helen Weng compares the ability to practice kindness with the science of weightlifting, wherein one can build their ‘compassion muscle’ and get more adept at helping others with sufficient practise. So, here are seven ways in which we can try to choose to be kind and considerate every day: 1. Create a kindness plan It's possible to choose kindness in the way of small gestures and little things that can spread happiness and brighten someone’s day. Jot down one act of kindness for each day of the month – for others and yourself – that you can carry out, thus encouraging the neural pathways in your brain towards embracing positivity and compassion. The Random Acts of Kindness Foundation shares a comprehensive list of kindness ideas that can be carried out with minimal effort. Some examples of random acts of kindness can include: Buying a few extra items at the supermarket for donations – many supermarkets now have designated areas where you can leave produce. Alternatively, look into ways of donating to food banks. Complimenting a stranger in a good-natured manner. Befriending an elderly person to help them combat loneliness: inviting them for a chat over a coffee. Supporting local businesses by buying their products. 2. Practise compassionate listening Offering someone our undivided attention in the form of mindful listening can be a simple, effective and free way to choose kindness. Remember, it is essential to keep all technological distractions and our inner judgmental voice at bay while we listen compassionately. 3. Donate or raise funds for charity A 2010 survey conducted by Harvard Business School pointed out that individuals who were more generous financially and made sizeable charitable donations measured highest for overall happiness levels. The study revealed that prosocial spending, or utilizing one’s financial resources to help others resulted in improved emotional well-being. RELATED: Money Can't Buy Happiness (Except When You Spend it Like This!) Raising funds for animal welfare, organizing a fundraiser for the care of cancer patients at your local hospital, helping a neighbor who may be facing a crisis by organizing a charity drive, etc. are some of the ways you could bring about a positive change by choosing kindness. A litter pick shows kindness to the planet 4. Choose to be kind online While the advent of social media has made us more aware and conscious, unfortunately it also has given rise to rampant cyberbullying, and hostile behavior based on one’s appearance, ethnicity, gender stereotypes, and personal beliefs, etc. RELATED: Adult Bullying And How to Deal With It We can choose kindness online by encouraging positive messages, spreading cheer and love instead of hate, and ignoring negative or hateful content. Even when we disagree with someone, it's always possible to do so in an objective and respectable manner. 5. Choose kindness for the planet While gardening offers several mental health benefits as a hobby, it can contribute towards greener and cleaner living spaces as well. Finding small ways to reduce our carbon footprint and adopting more sustainable practices like picking up litter, packing a waste-free lunch, carrying your own tote to grocery shop, etc, can go a long way to improve the world around us. 6. Practise kindness at work It's important to remember that your employees and coworkers have their own challenges, hidden from plain sight. Leading with compassion can improve morale, boost productivity and ensure higher employee retention, according to research. “Choosing kindness intentionally requires us to be compassionate, considerate, understanding and forgiving in a consistent manner, even on the days we may not feel like it.” Leaders in service industry – and hospitality sector in particular – quite possibly realize the importance of choosing “habitual kindness”, in attempts to deliver experiences that customers will remember forever. Indeed, consumer decisions are often based on how well their expectations were met and the collective experience, so if you find yourself being loyal to a particular brand or service provider, it's probably because their leadership drives down kindness as their core value. 7. Choose to be kind to yourself Always being kind towards yourself becomes more crucial than ever during adverse times, or when you are feeling low. After all, it’s harder to practice kindness towards others when you’re stressed or overwhelmed. Befriending yourself gently through self-compassion and self-care is the first step towards choosing kindness. Psychologist Kristen Neff suggests establishing helpful self-compassion breaks when you find that you’re stressed or being too harsh on yourself. Place a hand over your heart and practice saying to yourself: “May I regard myself in a gentler, fair light”, or, “May I bring kindness to this moment, even when I’m stressed.” These self-compassion statements will help you centre your attention back to choosing kindness for yourself. The takeaway: choosing kindness As the famous saying goes, “In a world where you can be anything, be kind”. While we may not remember every person we ever met by their name, we are likely to remember each act of kindness rendered to us. Indeed, choosing kindness as a daily practice can offer a host of physiological and psychological benefits. Deciding to always be kind – especially in situations where our inner voice is telling us to escalate conflict – may take some practice, but it can also create long-lasting happiness for others, as well as ourselves. ● Images: shutterstock/BAZA Production, shutterstock/Dragon Images happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free now to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum Compassion | Altruism | Empathy Written by Sonia Vadlamani Fitness and healthy food blogger, food photographer and stylist, travel-addict and future self journaler. Sonia loves to write and has resolved to dedicate her life to revealing how easy and important it is to be happier, stronger and fitter each day. Follow her daily pursuits at FitFoodieDiary or on Instagram.

Yes, happiness is a choice and not a result of achievements or materialism. From choosing gratitude to quality friendships, maintain a happy vibe with these 8 tips from Calvin Holbrook. As editor of this happiness magazine, you'd be forgiven for thinking that I leap out of bed each morning after a restful slumber with a grin on my face, full of great intentions for the day ahead. Not so! Indeed, for the main part, for me, happiness is a choice, rather than my natural state of being. In fact, like all of us, I’m not happy all the time (let’s face it, that would just be weird). In reality, for me, authentic happiness doesn't signify a lack of negative feelings such as sadness and pain, but an ability to experience a wide spectrum of emotions while managing to appreciate – and stay focused on – the positive things that I do have in my life. According to psychologist Sonja Lyubomirsky, roughly 50 per cent of our natural happiness level is genetically determined (our so-called happiness set point). I believe my own happiness set point started out lower down the scale, but, with work, I’ve managed to boost it because – over time and consistently – I’ve made the choice to be happy, even when my life circumstances and situation were sending me into a spiral. Choosing kindness is choosing happiness Choosing to be happy is a constant effort, and to be honest, it’s not something that comes naturally. In fact, I’ve had to train myself to think happy. Indeed, like millions of us, I’ve struggled with depression and anxiety, lived through periods of debilitating panic attacks, and dealt with episodes of rumination that have beaten my mental health and happiness down. Along the way, I’ve learned that these problems should not define me or my mood. Indeed, I can still see happiness as a choice, but it requires focus and effort to stay positive (and, of course, professional help or medication when appropriate). Happiness fuels success, not vice versa The majority of people go through life thinking that happiness is something that happens to them as a result of success or something good happening, for example, getting a pay rise or getting 100 new likes on their latest Instagram post. Indeed, lots of people don’t realize that happiness is a choice, and instead go through the motions in life, waiting for joy to pop up and slap them in the face! “No matter how bad life seems, there’s always something positive to focus on. Since happiness is a choice, find things in your life you’re grateful for.” However, science shows that this type of instant gratification doesn’t really make us happy (not in the long-term, anyway). In fact, there is no magic pill to finding happiness. However, there is one thing that is required to boost well-being, and that is work. Work? Ugh! 'Fraid so. Because happiness is a choice, it needs to be worked at consistently, with effort, care and dedication. In fact, I believe the root to happiness is in the work you put into it. You have to commit to being happy, prioritize it, focus on it, and remain disciplined as much as possible, even in those dark and difficult days – especially on those dark days! If happiness is a choice, how can I work on it? It sounds staggering, but it’s reported that we make around 35,000 remotely conscious decisions every single day. From seemingly inconsequential stuff about choosing what to eat and what clothes to wear, to bigger things like who to love, how to spend our free time, whether to move city or quit the job we feel stuck in. Some of our choices turn out to be great and others not so. What they have in common though is that all of these choices are based in our deep desire to be happy. These choices make up part of our ‘life activity’. As mentioned earlier, genetics make up roughly half of happiness levels. The remainder depends on our circumstances (10 per cent) and this so-called ‘life activity’ (40 per cent). Paws for thought: choose meaningful relationships (pets count!) While we cannot always control our circumstances, we do have more control over our life activity. And if that life activity is said to be responsible for almost 40 per cent of our happiness, we can focus on making better choices here to increase our happiness levels. In fact, we can even make choosing happiness as one life choice! OK, I hear you: all of this is easier said than done. Life is tough. Shit happens. True, there are many challenging things that we will experience in life and we know that the only certainty is change (and the upheaval it can bring). This doesn't mean that all of life is bad, it just means that life isn't easy. But happiness does not come from your circumstances or your situation. Happiness comes from a choice that you make within. Learning how to choose happiness I’ve had to train my brain to choose happiness, even when my circumstances suggested the opposite. I believe I’ve boosted my natural happiness set point by carrying out specific ‘feel happier’ activities. If you're struggling to find the root of happiness, incorporate these eight science-backed tips into your daily life and you may start to feel happier. Stick at it, put in the hard work, and you should see results. 1. Choose gratitude and look on the bright side No matter how bad life seems, there’s always something positive you can find to focus on. It could be the fact you have a place to live, friends and family that love you, have clothes to wear, or even that you have eyes to see and legs to walk with. There are millions of people in the world that don't have all of these things. RELATED: Top 5 Benefits of Gratitude Practice 23 Gratitude Affirmations For Attracting Happiness Gratitude Meditation: 5 Benefits and How to Practise Since happiness is a choice, start finding things in your life that you're grateful for. It could also be seemingly small, general things that we often take for granted, such as the smell of cut grass, the sound of the ocean, etc. Writing these things down in a gratitude journal helps to solidify your happiness further. Develop an attitude of gratitude and jot down three good things about every day: studies have shown that doing this increases optimism, reduces anxiety, and chemically changes the brain to be more positive. 2. Choose to think positively Try to live by the ‘every cloud has a silver lining’ anecdote. Focusing on positive thoughts and trying to reducing negative thinking is easier said than done, but give the following technique a try. Each time you have a negative thought, simply replace it with a positive one. This practice will help to retrain your habitual thought patterns to bring more positive thoughts and happiness into your life. “Happiness is a choice, not a result of something else. Nothing will make you happy until you choose to be happy.” Changing perspective on your situation will help you find happiness. If you’ve made a mistake – however big – try to focus on your past achievements instead, visualizing your previous successes and happy times. 3. Choose to smile Turn that frown upside down! One of the most important figures in the fields of mindfulness and meditation, Thích Nhất Hạnh once wrote, “Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy.”’ Grinning gains: stay smiling and choose happy Indeed, studies have shown that smiling and other external expressions work as a continual feedback loop, helping to reinforce our internal emotions. A study by scientists at the University of Kansas found that making yourself smile can help lower your heart rate during stressful activities. So, smiling even when we feel down will gradually makes us feel happier (and healthier). Try smiling at strangers, too: as well as being a choice, positivity is contagious. 4. Choose meaningful relationships/interactions Research shows that happier people have rewarding social relationships. Indeed, humans are a social species and need regular contact. In fact, loneliness is proven to decrease levels of happiness, with recent studies show it can even be as harmful to mortality as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. "Research shows that happier people have rewarding social relationships. In fact, loneliness is proven to decrease levels of happiness.” So, to make a happiness a choice, choose quality friendships. In fact, prioritize being nice to people you don't know also: even a short positive interaction with a stranger has been proven to contribute to boosted well-being. 5. Choose kindness When you choose to do kinds acts for other people, so-called happiness hormones are released, boosting your serotonin, the neurotransmitter responsible for feelings of well-being and satisfaction. Endorphin levels also rise, leading to a phenomenon known as a 'helper’s high’. MORE LIKE THIS: The Power of Kindness: the Ripple Effects of Being Nice Human Kindness: Why We Need It More Than Ever 7 Ways to Choose Kindness Every Day Another physical benefit of kindness is that it can help to lower anxiety. Social anxiety is associated with low positive affect (PA), which relates to an individual’s experience of positive moods such as joy, interest, and alertness. A four-week study on happiness from the University of British Columbia found that participants who engaged in kind acts displayed major increases in their PA levels that were maintained during the study duration. Be kind to others and experience a 'helper's high' 6. Choose to be more mindful Mindfulness meditation is an great way to try to increase your happiness levels. Start your day with just 10-15 minutes of meditation, shortly after waking: the immediate heightened inner clarity and focus it will give you will set you up for they day ahead. RELATED: 10 Types of Meditation: Which Style Is Best For You? 9 Science-Backed Benefits of Meditation Outdoor Meditation: How to Meditate in Nature Many studies have shown that meditation can boost happiness levels by reducing stress hormones, shrinking the part of the brain that controls anxiety, and by stopping rumination, amongst other things. And, according to Psychology Today, meditation is the strongest mental practice to reset your happiness set point, thus turning you into a more joyful person and literally rewiring major areas in your brain. 7. Choose a purpose Meaningfulness is a happy factor that you can extend throughout your whole life. Whether it's volunteering, gardening, or becoming politically active, activities with a purpose have been shown to boost people's happiness and reduce stress levels at the same time. A study from the Annals of Behavioral Medicine found that people who took part in such activities became 34 per cent less stressed and 18 per cent less sad. 8. Choose to be satisfied Ex-US President Theodore Roosevelt once said, “comparison is the thief of joy.” And in today’s Insta-ready society this rings true more than ever. In a social media savvy world, flaunting your money, travels and other supposed successes or happiness is all too common. However, if happiness is a choice, then comparing yourself to other people will only result in unhappiness. Rate your mates: quality friendships bring happiness In fact, data from a 2010 survey of 19,000 Europeans showed that those who compared their incomes to others were less happy with what they had. The comparisons that were most damaging to happiness were when people compared their incomes to those of school and university friends (even though we know that money can’t buy happiness, right?) Choose to be satisfied with what you have and stop comparing your life to that of others. The takeaway: why happiness is a choice Abraham Lincoln is famously quoted as saying, “Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.” And he was right. Happiness is a choice but also a daily practice that requires time, effort and dedication. By carrying out our suggestions above, you should hopefully start to see some benefits. But, if you still fail to feel happy, take time to think through your actions. Are you doing the things you need to choose happiness or are you letting your emotions take control? If you’re trying to feel happier and you remain down or are struggling with depression, consult with your GP or therapist to seek professional help. Happiness is a choice and choosing help is a also a great step to getting started if you’re feeling blocked. • Images: shutterstock/New Africa, shutterstock/PeopleImages.com - Yuri. A, shutterstock/Dmytro Zinkevych, shutterstock/Personal Belongings Choosing happiness becomes easier when you have the right tools to help you. Sign up free to happiness.com today and share and support others in our forums. happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up free to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine ■ share and support in our happiness forum Unhappy in Life | Gratitude | Lemonading | Purpose of Life Written by Calvin Holbrook Calvin edits the happiness magazine, as well being an artist and lover of travel, swimming, yoga, dancing to house/techno, and all things vintage! Find out more.

Do the Sunday Scaries provoke that 'I don't want to go to work' dread in you? If so, cultivating these six traits from Dee Marques can help you become happier in the workplace and start looking forward to work. Turn your 'I hate my job' desperation into a 'I love my job' declaration! Work: we all need money to survive, but given the chance, how many of us would willingly work it if we didn’t need to? Our workplace is the space where we often spend one third (or more) of our day, so how we feel about our role can have a serious impact on our overall psychological well-being. In fact, unhappiness at work is actually commonplace. Indeed, you've probably screamed “I hate my job!” or heard one of your friends or family members do same in despair. So, how can we make work, well, work for us? Studies confirm that being unhappy at work over a period of time is linked to feelings of hopelessness, depression, anxiety, stress and sleep problems, as well as higher chances of developing high blood pressure, heart disease, and digestive issues – so not hating your job is actually a serious matter. Engagement is a key 'happy at work' trait However, sometimes we have to accept jobs we’d rather not be doing – the famous “but it pays the bills”. And, truth be told, few people would describe their work environment as being a truly happy place at all times. In fact, being dissatisfied at work has become so common that finding joy in the workplace is almost seen as some sort of luxury. For example, in the USA, nearly half of the workforce claims to be unhappy at work, and the figure is almost identical in the UK, suggesting a happy workplace is uncommon. I hate my job! Cultivate these 6 traits to enjoy work So, what if achieving happiness at work was more than wishful thinking? If you find the 'I don't want to go to work' Monday Blues tend to extend over your entire working week, then cultivate these six things and achieve real happiness in your job. 1. Purpose Purpose is one of the most important factors when it comes to finding happiness at work. Indeed, purpose or meaning ranks high when it comes to achieving a joyful life in general, therefore it’s not surprising that the same applies to finding happiness in your job, too. In fact, a feeling of purpose of life has been linked to higher motivation, commitment and productivity, all of which are positive emotional states that can contribute to happiness and, by extension, stop you hating your job. RELATED: Ikigai: What Is It and How to Find It Try to find purpose at work by thinking about what your job means when the greater good comes into the picture. If you're working in the 'helping' or 'saving' professions – a teacher, nurse, doctor, soldier, etc – then this shouldn't be difficult, but meaningful work isn't restricted to these types of professions. Sometimes it's not easy to discover the purpose in your work, but with just a bit of consideration, things become clearer. Even work considered menial by others can have a greater purpose. “A feeling of purpose has been linked to higher motivation, commitment, and productivity, all of which can stop you being unhappy in the workplace.” For example, think about the people who built great European monuments, like cathedrals and bridges. Their work would have been physically demanding and laborious and maybe they hated it, but they built something that was enjoyed for many generations to come, perhaps creating a sense of satisfaction. If you're always thinking 'I hate my job', you owe it to yourself to consider what would really inspire you to get up in the morning. Furthermore, taking personal responsibility for your professional growth can also help you find meaning and purpose, so set your own goals and make sure they’re aligned with meaningful values. Indeed, if you can find an employer that shares your values, then you're on the way to becoming a happier employee. Finding a career with purpose, such as nursing, can mean happy work 2. Engagement Feeling that your work day is plagued by apathy, finding excuses to go on yet another coffee break, arriving late or leaving early, starting a task then jumping away to browse the web… do any of these things sound familiar? These are all signs of disengagement at work and should be addressed, as they can lead to unhappiness with life, depression and even health-related issues. In fact, a 2015 Gallup survey shows that disengagement or feeling disconnected from work can lead to many health issues. For example, comparing engaged and disengaged employees in the United States, 56 per cent of the latter claimed to be stressed every day (compared with 36 per cent of those engaged), 23 per cent were more likely to be in pain (compared to 14 per cent), and 16 per cent more likely to be diagnosed with depression (compared to nine per cent). MORE LIKE THIS: Why Can't I Focus? 8 Tips on How to Avoid Distractions Feeling Overwhelmed at Work? Here Are 9 Ways to Manage It How to Get Shit Done: 8 Productivity Hacks To stop this from taking away your chance of finding happiness in your career, try to find the source of disengagement. Maybe you feel that your skills are not used to the fullest, or you hate your job because you feel stuck in a rut. Set yourself some short and mid-term goals or new responsibilities and bring them up with your manager. When you do so, explain that you’d like to be challenged and do more for the company, as this is likely to be well received. 3. Kindness A kind workplace is a happy workplace, or has more chances of being so. Your relationship with coworkers is closely connected to overall job satisfaction, and if that relationship is strained or marked by hostility or competition, it can affect your emotions. This makes sense considering that you’re probably spending 40 hours a week – or more – in close contact. In fact, poor workplace relationships are one of the most common complaints and a leading cause of work-related stress and people hating their jobs. It’s also worth mentioning that some studies have found that feeling lonely or isolated at work also has a negative impact on job performance. RELATED: How to Show Compassion at Work: 7 Top Tips Acts of kindness are an easy and quick way to build a positive work environment. Indeed, small gestures can go a long way. Going to the kitchen to make a drink? Make sure you ask your colleagues if they want anything too (and wipe clean the microwave while you're there, even if you didn't make the mess!). Heading on holiday? Bring a few treats back and leave them in the office kitchen or communal area. Small gestures of kindness create positivity and, in fact, boost productivity. “If you're unhappy at work, set yourself some short and mid-term goals or new responsibilities and bring them up with your manager.” Indeed, research from the Association of Professional Executives of the Public Service of Canada (APEX) showed that incivility has “profound implications on the level of energy, emotional engagement, and performance of work teams.” Its study found that teams in a respectful environment: Have 26 per cent more energy. Are 30 per cent more likely to feel motivated and enthusiastic about acquiring new skills and being exposed to new ideas. Express 36 per cent more satisfaction with their jobs and are 44 per cent more committed to their companies. 4. Flexibility The working world is becoming increasingly flexible with the growth of options like freelancing, working from home, job sharing, and the compressed working week. Of course, flexi-work comes with its pros and cons: key advantages include reduced commuting expenses and freedom to meet personal/family needs, while common downsides are learning to deal with distractions, isolation, and sticking to a schedule. However, importantly, flexibility at work can help achieve a good work-life balance and contribute to a happy workplace. Indeed, research studies have linked workplace flexibility to individual and team effectiveness, stress reduction, and greater commitment to the job. Balancing act: flexible working often boosts happiness If you're always thinking 'I hate my job' and think more freedom and flexibility could help you relieve your unhappiness, approach your employer to see how they feel about flexi-work, highlighting the benefits and your willingness to help create a happy workplace that is conducive to productivity. More and more employers are open to flexible working hours and realizing the potential it has for creating happy employees. Indeed, many companies are toying with the idea of introducing four-day working weeks, with some showing positive results in trials. There's emerging evidence that a compressed working week can boost both productivity and happiness in workers. For example, Pursuit Marketing in Glasgow, Scotland, switched 120 people to a four-day week in late 2016 and claims it has been key in a 30 per cent productivity rise. 5. Appreciation Not feeling appreciated is one of the main reasons why people become unhappy and quit their jobs, as it can be both demoralising and frustrating. Not feeling appreciated can appear in many ways: your manager not paying attention to you, not being paid what you deserve, or not receiving credit for work, or – worse still – someone else taking credit for your ideas. These are all scenarios you may have experienced at some point. “Instead of thinking 'I hate my job', reframe negative thoughts and focus on being adaptable. Start practices like meditation and mindfulness, which can help you develop a more flexible frame of mind – the basis for resilience.” Sometimes it can be the case that employers genuinely don't care about their employees, but it's better to first give the benefit of the doubt: often managers are so busy they haven't realised they've been neglecting you. If you're not feeling appreciated, speak with them or human resources directly and ask for regular, six-month reviews to discuss how you're progressing in your role and the company. Kindness pays: be nice to colleagues and create a happy workplace Prepare well for your meeting and draw up a list of what you want to discuss and all your recent achievements (to jog your manager’s memory of your fantastic work), especially if you're asking for a pay rise. As well as discussing your strengths, discuss any areas where you can develop further. While you're waiting for your chance to shine, you can still show your appreciation for your coworkers (who may also be thinking 'I hate my job!'). This will help generate a more positive work atmosphere and create a happy workplace where people feel valued. In fact, the link between giving and happiness is well documented, since studies show that being generous increases personal happiness, and this includes giving intangible things like our time or appreciation for others. 6. Resilience Stress, uncertainty and unhappiness cannot be completely avoided in the workplace, so the best thing you can do is grow stronger to cope with professional setbacks. In other words, cultivate resilience. This doesn’t mean putting up with what you dislike, as this would only make you feel more disengaged, but rather to change your mindset when that 'I don't want to go to work' feeling kicks in. RELATED: Mindfulness at Work: 6 Productive Tips Instead of thinking 'I hate my job', reframe negative thoughts and focus on being adaptable. Start practices like meditation and mindfulness, which can help you develop a more flexible frame of mind – the basis for resilience. In fact, any stress management technique can help build resilience, as you’ll be in control instead of letting workplace stressors take over your mood. You can also invest in activities that strengthen your inner self, whether than means going on a retreat, taking up yoga, or a creative hobby. The takeaway: I don't want to go to work If you hate your job and are feeling unhappy, invest in developing these six traits – some of the many building blocks of happiness – into your professional life. Taking your time to work on purpose, engagement, kindness, flexibility, appreciation and resilience, and your efforts will pay off. Furthermore, finding happiness at work will also reflect in other aspects of your life. ● Images: shutterstock/Pressmaster, shutterstock/RawPixel.com, pixabay/ludi happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practice, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free now to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum Stress management | Work life balance | Burnout Written by Dee Marques A social sciences graduate with a keen interest in languages, communication, and personal development strategies. Dee loves exercising, being out in nature, and discovering warm and sunny places where she can escape the winter.

From boosting your mood to lowering stress, the power of kindness is real. In fact, science shows the benefits of being kind are greater for the giver than the receiver. So, as Calvin Holbrook suggests, help others and help yourself, too. Can you remember the last time a stranger was kind to you? Maybe someone held a door open or offered you help with directions in the street? Or, perhaps you can recall the last time you helped somebody. After recently carrying out a few altruistic acts myself, I wanted to find out more about the power and benefits of kindness. Just before Christmas I passed a homeless man sitting outside a London Tube station. Coming out of a nearby coffee shop after paying almost £3 for a flat white, I couldn’t justify spending that on a hot drink while he was sat with nothing. I started a conversation to find out how he was doing and he was thankful when I offered him some change and a banana. However, he seemed most grateful when I simply asked him what his name was. When I got up to leave, he looked directly into my eyes and gave me a genuine ‘thank you.’ Later that week, I spotted an elderly lady hauling a huge suitcase down some stairs – she was clearly struggling. Her face lit up with joy when I offered a hand. She was clearly touched someone had made the effort to assist, and I too walked away with a spring in my step and smile on my face. The power of kindness: a ripple effect In these examples the power of kindness is obvious for the recipient: they were in a moment of need and received assistance. But the power of altruism also extended to me – in fact, one major benefit of kindness is that the love spreads both ways; it’s a win-win situation. A positive sign: showing kindness is easy and free After connecting with these people I felt a sense of happiness and pride to know I'd made a small but meaningful impact on their day. In fact, this feel-good sensation stayed with me for hours afterwards. Experiencing this feeling has also made it more likely that I'll carry out more random acts of kindness in the future. Likewise, I like to think that the power of kindness can potentially rub off on the people you'll help out in the future, so that they, in turn, will be more likely to assist others. In fact, it turns out that science backs up this kindness 'ripple effect'. “The power of kindness can potentially rub off on other people you'll help out in the future, so that they, in turn, will be more likely to assist other.” A 2018 study focused on employees at a Spanish company. Workers were asked to either a) perform acts of kindness for colleagues, or b) count the number of kind acts they received from coworkers. The results showed that those who received acts of kindness became happier, demonstrating the value of benevolence for the receiver. RELATED: 5 Ways to Develop Your Moral Courage However, those who delivered the acts of kindness benefited even more than the receivers. That’s because not only did they show a similar trend towards increased happiness, but they also had an boost in life and job satisfaction, as well as a decrease in depression. Furthermore, the effects of altruism were contagious. Those colleagues on the receiving end of the acts of kindness ended up spontaneously paying it forward, themselves doing nice things for other colleagues. This study suggests the ripple effect really is one of the benefits of being nice. Kindness and psychological flourishing Further studies back up the power of kindness. In another, researchers asked members of the public to either perform acts of kindness – such as opening doors for strangers – for one month, or to perform kind acts for themselves, such as treating themselves to a new purchase. The researchers measured the participants’ level of so-called ‘psychological flourishing’ – their emotional, psychological, and social well-being at the start and end of the experiment. By the end, those who had carried out kind acts for others had higher levels of psychological flourishing compared to those who acted kindly towards themselves. Kindly acts also led to higher levels of positive emotions. MORE LIKE THIS: Why is volunteering important? These 7 reasons show the benefits Kindness: a peak inside the power of this simple action Human kindness: why we need it more than ever Meanwhile, another study incorporated cold hard cash to test the powers of altruism. Researchers gave participants either $5 or $20 which they had to spend on themselves or others before the end of the day. They measured the participants’ happiness levels before giving them the money and then called them on the phone in the evening. The results? Those who had spent the money on others were happier than those who'd used the money for their own needs. The physical effects of kindness So, science shows that being kind and helpful clearly has a positive and uplifting effect on those carrying out the act. But what exactly is happening in the body? Here are four ways keys in which the physical benefits of kindness can be felt: 1. Kindness releases feel-good hormones When you do kinds acts for other people, so-called happiness hormones are released, boosting your serotonin, the neurotransmitter responsible for feelings of well-being and satisfaction. Endorphin levels also rise, leading to a phenomenon known as a 'helper’s high'. 2. Kindness can reduce anxiety Another physical benefit of kindness is that it can help to lower anxiety. Social anxiety is associated with low positive affect (PA), which relates to an individual’s experience of positive moods such as joy, interest, and alertness. A four-week study on happiness from the University of British Columbia found that participants who engaged in kind acts displayed major increases in their PA levels that were maintained during the study duration. Good to give: kindness benefits both the giver and receiver 3. Kindness may help alleviate certain illness Inflammation in the body is linked to numerous health problems including chronic pain, diabetes, obesity, and migraines. For older generations at least, volunteering as an act of kindness may be of benefit to reduce inflammation. In fact, according to one study of older adults aged 57-85, “volunteering manifested the strongest association with lower levels of inflammation.” Additionally, oxytocin, also released with acts of kindness, reduces inflammation, and it can directly affect the chemical balance of your heart. According to Dr. David Hamilton, “oxytocin causes the release of a chemical called nitric oxide in blood vessels, which dilates the blood vessels. This reduces blood pressure and therefore oxytocin is known as a ‘cardioprotective’ hormone because it protects the heart (by lowering blood pressure).” 4. Kindness can reduce your stress levels Helping others takes you out of your own mind and can potentially help to build relationships with other people. Anything that helps you to build bonds with other people is known as 'affiliative behavior'. And, according to one study on the effects of pro-social behavior — action intended to help others on stress, “affiliative behavior may be an important component of coping with stress and indicate that engaging in pro-social behavior might be an effective strategy for reducing the impact of stress on emotional functioning.” “Science and studies show that being kind and helpful clearly has a positive and uplifting effect on those carrying out the act.” Furthermore, once we establish an 'affiliative connection' with someone — a relationship of friendship, love, or other positive bonding — we feel emotions that can boost our immune system. So, it seems continued altruism can boost your happiness and improve relationships and connections, in turn indirectly boosting your health. Shifting to kindness So, knowing this, why aren't people benefiting from the power of kindness? Why aren’t more people making a conscious effort to change the lives of others? RELATED: What Goes Around Comes Around: Is Karma Real? For one, in our fast-paced world, benevolence and compassion often end up taking a back seat to self-interest – and selfies. People don’t seem to take the time to stop and help others or even notice what’s going on as we're often wrapped up in our own lives. Helping hand: the power of kindness is proven Also, some people believe that showing kindness and compassion is a weakness and will only lead to being taken advantage of. But, the truth is, it’s in our human DNA to show kindness. In fact, we’re the only mammals with an extended gestation period, and while other animals rely on support for a short period before becoming self-reliant, we depend on the care of our caregivers to provide our needs. Indeed, kindness is fundamental to the human existence – we're literally wired for it. Kindness is not something that demands hard work or huge amounts of time. It’s something all of us can strive to achieve every day. And, knowing that the power of kindness and its benefits are immense for ourselves and not just the receiver, why wouldn’t you want to help others more? ● happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practice, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine ■ share and support in our happiness forum ■ develop with free online Academy courses Gratitude | Acceptance | Altruism | Volunteering Written by Calvin Holbrook Calvin is the happiness.com magazine editor, as well being an artist and lover of swimming, yoga, dancing to house/techno, and all things vintage! Find out more.

The world is a difficult place at the moment, so showing human kindness to others is more relevant than ever. But benevolence doesn't just benefit the person on the receiving end. Dee Marques explains five key benefits we can feel of showing kindness to others. A few weeks ago, I moved to a country where I didn’t know anybody and where I didn’t speak the language. Sometimes, even the smallest tasks feel unsurmountable due to the language barrier and the lack of familiarity with how things work. But often, I find that random passersby are willing to go out of their way to help me figure things out. When that happens, I’m reminded of the old saying, “Kindness costs nothing, but means everything”. Today, human kindness is needed more than ever. In this article I will explain why and will explore the benefits of showing human kindness at every opportunity. What is human kindness? According to the dictionary, kindness is the 'ability to demonstrate generosity and consideration towards others'. Kindness involves thoughtfulness, compassion and empathy, not only to people we know and love, but to anyone who may need it. In other words, true kindness is not selective; it’s shown to others irrespective of who they are, based on the understanding that we all have something important in common: being human. Human kindness has been practised and valued since immemorial times. Although we may not be able to trace specific or individual acts of kindness thousands of years back in time, we have reason to believe that they have always been present in society, in the form of religious and/or spiritual beliefs, or as social norms and expectations. For example, Buddhism is known for the importance it attributes to kindness as an integral part of the human experience. The Buddhist practice of loving kindness or metta illustrates this, as it refers to selflessness, sympathy, and a benevolent attitude towards all sentient beings. This concept is often described as universal love. Other ancient religions, such as Confucianism, Taoism and Hinduism also consider human kindness to be a core value and working within the laws of karma – what goes around comes around. Human kindness can lead to more fulfilling relationships shutterstock/Dragon Images Whether we’re religious or not, we can all agree that the world could do with more kindness. Perhaps we can’t control the levels of suffering caused by war, poverty, price hikes, COVID, and political or social division, but we can do our part to alleviate this suffering by showing human kindness whenever possible and learning how to be nicer. We only need to look at recent examples of kindness to confirm the truth in this. People in the UK have been taking in Ukrainian refugees and contributing to food banks, even though the average person’s finances aren’t particularly buoyant right now. RELATED: Shared humanity – why it matters Random acts of kindness – 22 ways to spread happiness The power of kindness – why being nice benefits us all And the thing is, that gestures of kindness don’t have to be grand, they just need to be genuine. For example, in the town where I lived until very recently, there was an outage that kept our street block without electricity for 3 days, right during the hottest time of the year. People from nearby streets came up to our block and offered to keep groceries in their fridges, so they wouldn’t spoil. At the time, it was a huge help. So whether big or small, gestures of human kindness are all valid. So, how can showing human kindness help you? Sometimes, we’re so enmeshed in our own worries that we think we don’t have the time or energy to show kindness to others. This idea stems from a common misconception: that being kind to other humans only benefits on the receiving end of the kind act. However, human kindness is so powerful that its beneficial effects actually extend to people who demonstrate it. The ripple effect is an important concept here. Psychologists use this concept to describe the far-reaching impact of acts of kindness, by comparing it to the effect caused by throwing a rock on a still body of water. “Human kindness is so powerful that its beneficial effects extend to people who demonstrate it. By showing genuine kindness, we can can create ripples of loving feelings that may travel far into the world.” By showing genuine kindness, we can create ripples of loving feelings that may travel far into the world – we never know who will be inspired by our actions. In fact, it’s not uncommon to witness an act of kindness and feel moved to do the same. Indeed, a study from 2018 shows that kindness can be contagious! What’s more, knowing we’ve done our best to contribute something positive can boost our feelings of contentment and connectedness to others. But the benefits of showing human kindness don’t stop there. Here are a five more ways in which being kind can boost your well-being: 1. Improves your mood Contrary to popular belief, doing things for others can improve our mood in more powerful ways than doing things for ourselves. A 2016 study had two groups of people either do acts of kindness for others or treat themselves over a six-week period. Researchers found that the group that had been kind to others reported higher levels of positive emotions, whereas the other group didn’t experience any changes. Showing kindness to other humans improves our own self-esteem 2. Reduces anxiety and stress Health experts at the University of California have found that performing acts of human kindness releases oxytocin, also known as the love hormone. These acts also increase the production of the so-called happiness hormones, like dopamine or serotonin. This is important because low serotonin levels are associated with anxiety, stress and other mood disorders. 3. Lowers inflammation and boosts your immune system This infographic published by Darmouth College claims that people who integrate human kindness into their daily lives have lower cortisol levels. Cortisol is a powerful hormone that plays a role in virtually every process in our bodies, so imbalances are felt rather quickly. Indeed, high cortisol can cause widespread inflammation, weaken the immune system, disrupt the reproductive system and cause digestive conditions. On the other hand, if acts of kindness can help to lower cortisol levels, helping you to fight inflammation and strengthen your immune system. 4. Improved self-esteem A four-year study focused on adolescents evaluated the effects of being kind to those who need help, for example, through volunteering. The findings, published in 2016, showed that all acts of kindness improved the participants’ self-esteem, irrespective of how big or small those acts were. “People who integrate human kindness into their daily lives have lower cortisol levels... helping you to fight inflammation and strengthen your immune system.” So, how does this happen? Possibly because being kind to others draws attention to the positives in ourselves and reminds us that we are making a difference to improve the lives of others. 5. More fulfilling relationships In a world where suffering and indifference are the norm, showing human kindness can make you stand out among others as a person worth knowing and being friends with. To that effect, there are studies showing that kindness is more attractive that a good physical appearance, and that emphatic people activate parts of the brain that are key to solid relationship building. Takeaway: shifting to human kindness Today, human kindness is needed more than ever. We should all make an effort to not let our busy lives get in the way of altruistic behaviour and to reconnect with the innate gift of human kindness that lies within each one of us. When it comes to kindness, it doesn’t matter if the gesture is big or small, and there are endless ways you can choose kindness over darkness. So, embrace human kindness, make others happier and feel happier yourself. • Main image: Dmytro Zynkevych happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practice, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine ■ share and support in our happiness forum ■ self-develop with free online Academy classes Gratitude | Authenticity | Learning Written by Dee Marques A social sciences graduate with a keen interest in languages, communication, and personal development strategies. Dee loves exercising, being out in nature, and discovering warm and sunny places where she can escape the winter.

Science says that showing kindness to others can boost our physical health and psychological well-being. Sonia Vadlamani offers nine suggestions on how to be a nicer person by incorporating more compassion, politeness and kindness into our daily lives. The idea of purposefully learning how to be nicer may make some of us cringe, as sometimes we may confuse ‘being nice’ with pretending to be polite or feigning interest for the sake of seeming acceptable. This ‘induced niceness’ may, in fact, get quite burdensome very quickly, as it requires additional effort on one’s behalf to seem something they’re not feeling genuinely. However, in reality, nicer people are easier to be around, as they’re genuinely interested in what you think and do. Being nice translates into treating others as you may want to be treated, being empathic, anticipating and respecting others’ needs and feelings, and being kind. While it may be difficult to exactly define ‘niceness’, psychologists rely on the personality traits that we associate with it, like kindness, politeness, empathy, and thoughtfulness, etc. Researchers also point out that the major personality traits associated with ‘agreeableness’ such as kindness, compassion and politeness are also the aspects that we often consider as ‘being nice’. The benefits of being nice Being a nicer person entails prosocial behaviors such as extending kindness, sharing our happiness, respecting others’ vantage point on different issues, etc, which promote well-being and boost social connections. However, research suggests that being nice to others can benefit our mental health and boost longevity as well. In fact, showing kindness to others results in the release of happiness hormones such as oxytocin, which can improve heart health, regulate blood pressure, and foster a greater sense of inclusion, according to researcher James Doty, M.D. at Stanford University. How to be nicer: show kindness through helping those in need Being nice by way of kindness may also alleviate stress and offer faster relief from pain, as research indicates. Furthermore, niceness can also lower anxiety and boost relationship satisfaction for socially anxious individuals. How to be nicer: 9 ideas for kindness Indeed, being nice may not always be the easier choice. However, with mindfulness and dedicated practice, it’s possible to learn how to be a friendlier person and show more kindness to others. Here are nine simple ideas that can help us incorporate kindness into our daily life, helping us to become a nicer person. 1. Have more patience A study by researcher Sarah A. Schnitker suggests that patient people are better friends and neighbours, as they tend to be more impartial, more attentive and have a higher tolerance. Developing mindfulness, or the ability to stay in sync with what is happening in the present moment, can also enable you to reframe a situation, reevaluate your emotions and respond with improved patience, according to research. Practising mindful listening and cultivating patience is therefore one of the surest ways to be a kinder person. 2. Be less judgmental Learning how to be a nicer person may not be the easiest feat, but experts agree that casting judgements aside and learning to transcend our perceived differences through bridging can help us respect other people’s perspectives and acknowledge their viewpoints in a better light. “Research suggests that being nice to others can benefit our mental health and boost longevity. Showing kindness to others releases feel-good hormones.” Engaging in deep listening and positive communication, taking care to avoid social media outrage trap, and a regular meditation practice are some of the research-backed ways to cultivate deep empathy and avoid snap judgments. 3. Look for ways to be helpful Reaching out and anticipating someone’s needs is an effective way to work towards being a nicer person. This can involve small gestures that do not cost a lot but can brighten someone’s day, like offering somebody your seat, or helping someone carry their groceries. Offering support or solicited advice to someone who may be feeling lost in life, dealing with depression, or struggling with grief or loneliness are some other ways to help out and show your friendly side. Volunteering is a great way to be kind to others 4. Open up and show vulnerability Our third tip on how to be nicer relates to vulnerability. Sometimes we shun the opportunity to open up and share our feelings with others, owing to the fear of being judged or compared. Researcher Dr Brené Brown describes this feeling as a vulnerability hangover, wherein one may experience regret or ‘emotional cringe’ upon revealing their feelings or thoughts to others. While vulnerability is mistakenly regarded as a weakness, embracing it as an act of courage and developing shame resilience can help you learn how to be nicer. “Reaching out and anticipating someone’s needs is an effective way to work towards being a nicer person. This can involve small gestures that do not cost a lot but can brighten someone’s day.” "Vulnerability is the core, the heart, the center of meaningful human experiences," explains Dr Brown. Being vulnerable enables us to develop radical empathy towards ourselves and others, thus opening us up to the possibility of making new friends and forming meaningful connections. 5. Be polite and respectful You can easily show kindness to others and become a nicer person through small gestures, such as being on time, saying “thank you”, being respectful online, or holding the elevator door open for strangers. These acts of politeness do not involve a lot of effort, but convey a positive tone and genuine interest on your behalf. However, take care to avoid the lure of lying to appear polite, as that would be a violation of trust. Instead, strive towards articulating your thoughts and convey your feelings in an open and honest manner, albeit respectfully. 6. Act with kindness The power of kindness is real, and we seldom forget an act of goodwill bestowed on us, even if we may fail to recall other things. Nice people understand the ‘ripple effect’ that kindness creates, wherein the acts of benevolence inspire more people to extend the same kindness to others around them. You need not go out of your way every time to extend kindness. In fact, one can carry out random acts of kindness like running errands for an elderly neighbor or volunteering for a cause you genuinely care about. Don’t forget to choose kindness every day for yourself as well. After all, you can only truly learn how to be a nicer person through practising self-compassion and self-care. Helping out elderly neighbours is one way to be nicer 7. Practise forgiveness Forgiveness as a character strength can help you be a nicer person, in addition to improving overall well-being, as revealed by researcher Kathi L. Norman. Indeed, our inability to forgive can also result in trust issues and a tendency to self-sabotage relationships. Whether you’ve suffered a minor stumble or a major setback due to someone’s actions, words or thoughts, learning to forgive someone who caused you hurt and replacing these feelings with empathy, compassion and kindness can improve your mental and physical health, in addition to strengthening interpersonal relationships. “While vulnerability is mistakenly regarded as a weakness, embracing it as an act of courage can help you learn how to be nicer.” “Harboring unforgiveness breads negative thoughts,” says Catherine Jackson, a licensed clinical psychologist and neurotherapist. “Decide to let it go and make a plan to never go to bed angry,” she continues. Forgiving is a process and may not happen in a day but can surely improve our capacity for love and happiness. Setting your intention for forgiveness with a mantra like “I forgive you and release you” or “I forgive everyone for everything” can help you let go of the hurt amassed over time. 8. Share your happiness Happiness is contagious, as proven by research, so what easier way to be a nicer person that to share your joy. An evaluation study conducted on 4,739 individuals revealed that our happiness is also determined by the happiness levels of others around us. In fact, sharing our happiness can boost our mood and improve morale, in addition to encouraging fulfilling friendships. It is easier to be a nicer person when you have a positive outlook on life and when you understand that happiness is a choice that you can consciously make each day. 9. Be authentic Authenticity is a valued trait, especially in the current tech-obsessed era where we’re constantly being overwhelmed with the messages of how we ‘ought to’ appear, behave and live in an ideal manner. Cultivating your authentic self by honoring your core values and making your time matter can help you be a nicer person. Being authentic also enables us to treat others the way we want to be treated. Also, embracing our true selves allows us to act gracefully even in the face of criticism or adversity, as we realize our worth fully well. The takeaway: how to be a nicer person Being a nicer person should not mean encouraging a forcible semblance of it or appearing nice. Niceness also doesn’t require you to tolerate behavior that violates your core values or suppress your true feelings for the sake of seeming kind. On the contrary, people who are genuinely nice enjoy being authentic and showing empathy and compassion towards others. Genuine niceness nurtures a circular relationship with happiness. Learning how to be a nicer person can boost our mood and improve well-being, but research also demonstrates that an upbeat state of mind can further enhance our prosocial behavior and help us be nicer and kinder. Indeed, inculcating niceness as a habit is immensely rewarding. So, be nice and show kindess! • Images: shutterstock/DGLimages, shutterstock/Gorondenkoff, shutterstock/Viacheslav Nikolaenko happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum Altruism | Compassion | Happiness Written by Sonia Vadlamani Fitness and healthy food blogger, food photographer and stylist, travel-addict and future self journaler. Sonia loves to write and has resolved to dedicate her life to revealing how easy and important it is to be happier, stronger and fitter each day. Follow her daily pursuits at FitFoodieDiary or on Instagram.

Science says that showing kindness to others benefits both the receiver and the giver. With that in mind, Calvin Holbrook shares some great ideas for paying it forward. Spread some joy today and beyond with these 22 random acts of kindness. Daily life presents us with so many opportunities to show random acts of kindness to others. However, for a variety of reasons we often fail to have the awareness to notice the times when we could do so. Whether we are rushing around, staring at our devices, feeling grouchy, or simply not being mindful, we often fail to stop and sense opportunities to show kindness to strangers. A decreasingly kind society was one of the reasons why the Random Acts of Kindness Day takes place on 17 February each year. It's celebrated by individuals, groups and organizations worldwide, to encourage acts of kindness that spread happiness through communities. Indeed, the day represents 24 hours when people have the chance to focus on spreading love and joy to as many people as possible. However, we shouldn't just celebrate kindness on a single day. Incorporating altruism and random acts of kindness into your daily routine should be something which you live by. But why? Random acts of kindness: 22 ideas There are real benefits to showing kindness. Indeed, being kind is not just beneficial to the person on the receiving end of the good deed. In fact, showing kindness leads to scientifically-proven positive feelings for the giver and receiver. Researchers have proven that the power of kindness is potent, releasing happiness hormones that help to reduce stress and anxiety. Furthermore, a two-decade long study from the University of California, San Diego, showed that happiness is contagious. So, if you show one person a random act of kindness, they are likely to then pay it forward to someone else, creating a ripple effect. RELATED: Discover the 10 Keys to Happier Living Bearing this in mind, why not try to incorporate more altruistic acts into your daily routine? Here are 22 ideas for random acts of kindness you can try out that will help brighten someone else's day and make you feel good at the same time... 1. Compliment a stranger All humans seek connection, but in today's society it’s not easy to strike up a conversation with a total stranger without them doubting your intentions, even if you're just being nice. However, if you spot a someone in the street with a beautiful smile, face or jacket – or anything else that grabs your interest – point it out them in a polite and friendly manner. They’re sure to be flattered by your compliment and it may even lead to a deeper conversation or friendship. 2. Give up your seat on public transport Travelling to or from work on public transport is rarely pleasant, especially if you're stuck on your feet for the journey (or worse still, with someone's stinky armpit in your face). So, on your next bus or metro ride, if you’re lucky enough to have a seat, why not pass it to a stranger who looks like they need it more than you? The happiness you will spread from this random act of kindness will make standing up just that little bit more bearable. 3. Gift a book Do you have a favourite memoir, work of fiction, or self-help book that’s inspired you? Or, perhaps you have some mindfulness books or books on meditation that have helped you through tricky times? If so, instead of letting a great book gather dust on a shelf at home, pass those powerful pages onto someone you think could benefit from them. Also, suggest to your friend that once they’ve finished the book, they pass it on, too, keeping the kindness ripple effect flowing. Words work: gift a book as a random act of kindness shutterstock/Dymtro Zinkevych 4. Share your favorite song on social media Research suggests that listening to the music we love helps us to be kinder, creative and more helpful. In that case, share your favorite track on social media and maybe you can help spread some joy or even introduce your friends to some new sounds they will fall in love with. 5. Call a family member or friend In our increasingly busy world, it seems there’s never quite enough time to keep up with all of our loved-ones. Most of us know rely on instant messages or texts to communicate with friend and family but we should never underestimate the power of talking and listening to each other in an actual live phone call. So, ring or Skype a family member of friend you’ve been meaning to get in touch with for ages. Just pick up the phone and do it. And don't forget to tell them that you love them: hearing those three words will always brighten someone's day. • JOIN US! Find your tribe on happiness.com through shared passions • 6. Leave a sticky note for someone A quick, easy and fun random act of kindness idea is to write an uplifting message on a sticky note and leave it randomly on your travels for someone to discover. You could place it within a book, newspaper or on any public space. You could also try writing out mindfulness quotes or suicide prevention quotes on sticky notes, offering hope to people that might spot them. There are so many people living with anxiety and depression at the moment that it may just help them. “Random acts of kindness lead to scientifically-proven positive feelings, for both the giver and receiver.” Alternatively, get specific and leave a sticky smile or note for someone you already know: a colleague, housemate, partner or a family member. It's quick, cute and fun, and will lift them up. 7. Pick up litter Sadly, some people still think it's OK just to drop their trash on the floor and expect street cleaners to sweep it up. Rubbish is a blight on the neighborhood and a real eyesore, especially when out in nature. So, when you spot some rubbish on the floor, simply pick it up and put it in the nearest bin (followed by applying a spritz of hand sanitizer of course). This small, selfless act of goodwill makes you feel better and help improve the environment for everyone that follows you. RELATED: Why is volunteering important? For a deeper effect, join or set-up a litter-picking group volunteering session at your nearest park or beach. This activity benefits the community as a whole and also provides you with a chance to meet new, like-minded folk – that's a real win-win random act of kindness! Show goodwill by joining a litter-pick session shutterstock/Dragon Images 8. Leave food for a homeless person Lots of us feel misgivings about passing cash to the homeless when they ask for it: we wonder if they use that money for food or shelter or spend it on harmful things. Indeed, sadly, sometimes we now even have to question whether that person begging is really homeless at all. So, as an alternative to giving money, leave some fruit, nuts, or a sandwich – something nutritious. Or, leave some warm clothing, a clean blanket or hygiene supplies. A genuine homeless person will hopefully be full of gratitude for your act of goodwill. RELATED: 7 ways to choose kindness every day 9. Better still, talk with a homeless person Imagine having thousands of people walk past you daily, deliberately avoiding your gaze or looking at you with contempt or disgust. This is what homeless people go through every day. And, without the right safety nets, any one of us reading this could end up in this position, especially in these difficult and challenging times. So, take a few minutes to chat with a homeless person about their life. Ask them their name. Ask how they are feeling. Share stories and humanity. This random act of kindness will certainly make them feel that little bit more human. 10. Brighten someone’s day with a plant Receiving a bunch of beautiful flowers is a lovely idea, but they die too fast! Instead, gifting a plant can be cheap and very cheerful. Indeed, plants are natural pick-me-ups, and, because they need care to survive, they encourage the nurturing side of humans. And you don't have to go far to find them – the recent trend for houseplants mean they are easier to find than ever, with lots of exotic varieties on offer in your local supermarket. “Take a few minutes to chat with a homeless person about their life. Ask them their name. Ask them how they are feeling. Share stories and humanity.” So, buy a houseplant for a friend or work colleague, or even give one anonymously by leaving it on someone's doorstep to increase the mystery of this random act of kindness. Or, why not be kind to yourself and treat yourself to a pretty plant: go on, you deserve it! Bloomin' marvellous: be kind and give a plant shutterstock/Beach Creatives 11. Donate to charity As spring approaches, it’s a great chance to have a big clear-out of your closet. So, spend a few hours rifling through your old clothes and donate a bag of your bits to your preferred charity shop. For the full double deed of kindness, while you’re dropping off your donation, consider buying something as well. Buying from charity shops instead of buying new is also great for the environment. 12. Leave some art for someone Another cool random act of kindness idea is to use your creativity to change someone’s day. Leave a poem, mandala, drawing or painting somewhere in the community and let someone randomly discover and enjoy it. The surprise will be sure to put a grin on their face. 13. Cakes for colleagues Whip up some sweet treats in the oven and bring them into the workplace to share with your colleagues (yes, even those that you don’t always see eye-to-eye with – showing compassion is good for you). The fact that you’ve personally made something to share will make all the difference, too. Can't cook? Then splurge down the bakery instead as a plan B. The bonus of this random act of kindness is that you will also be able to get to munch on the cakes. 14. Send a postcard to someone you love Remember snail mail? Do you recall the joy of seeing a handwritten letter pop through the letterbox and land on your doormat? In this digital age, handwritten letters have almost been wiped out, so, let's change that. It doesn’t matter if you’re not away on holiday – and let's face it, at the moment that's more and more unlikely – you can still drop someone a handwritten note. “Another cool random act of kindness is to use your creativity to change someone's day. Leave a poem, mandala, drawing or painting somewhere in the community for people to appreciate.” So, even if you're at home, pop out and buy a nice postcard, a stamp, and spend a couple of minutes penning some loving lines to someone you care about. They're sure to get a buzz when your goodwill wishes land on their mat! Postcard it forward: get crafty to be kind 15. Buy local OK, we've all bought from Amazon to get a cheap deal, and many of us will have gone crazy on it during lockdown. But skip Amazon for the day. Support your nearby community by buying something from a local independent – either in person or through its website. Of course, it may be a little more expensive, but your purchase will help support local businesses and their families, rather than one fat cat receiving all the profits. 16. Have a judgement-free day Many of us tend to judge people instantly. From how they look, what they're wearing, or because of things they've said that we don't agree with or decisions made. Try to live a day free of judgement: in thoughts, words and actions. Don't let your fears or insecurities affect how you're thinking. 17. Connect with those that serve others When buying or ordering something, we often fail to engage fully with those behind the counter. So, next time you stop for gas, coffee or food, chat with your server. Ask them how their day is going, what time they clock off, or compliment them on something. And certainly don't browse the web or chat on your mobile phone while they're serving you: that's just plain rude. 18. Buy energy-efficient lightbulbs Have you seen the light yet? If you haven’t done so already, show some kindness to yourself and the environment by ensuring all your lightbulbs in your home are energy efficient. While they may seem more expensive, switching to energy efficient lighting is one of the best ways to cut your energy bill in the long-run. Plus, you don’t have to replace them so often. 19. Speak with a senior Research suggests that loneliness is as bad for your health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. So, if you have some elderly neighbours, pop round to have a chat over a cuppa. Or, if you see a senior in a shop or street and there’s a way to engage with them, do so. Sometimes, the elderly don’t speak to people for days on end and their only contact is through going shopping. Remember: we're all going to get old one day and that you could be you in a similar position in the future. Help the aged: connect with your elders shutterstock/halfpoint 20. Pay it forward with a coffee A tried and tested idea for an act of random kindness, offering to pay for the caffeine fix of someone else in the queue is an inexpensive and easy way of spreading some cheer. It's quick and gets immediate results (mine's a soya flat white, thanks!). 21. Be kind on social media Twitter and Facebook can be full of negativity, bitter trolls and oneupmanship. At the same time, we often get in the habit of breezing through social media posts and articles without actually reading things properly. Change all that by learning how to be a nicer person. If you read a social media post or a well-written article that touches you, take a few seconds to leave a positive comment and let the author know. Why not start by telling us what you think of this article below? 22. Our final random act of kindness: share this post! Speaking of sharing, your last act of random kindness could be to share this article on social media and help to spread love and happiness as far and wide as possible. Let's all try to make a difference together! ● Main image: Oksana Mizina/Shutterstock.com How many of these random acts of kindness ideas have you tried? How did they go? Has anyone ever surprised you with one of these tips? happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum Altruism | Deep listening | Purpose of life Written by Calvin Holbrook Calvin edits the happiness magazine, makes collage artwork and loves swimming, yoga, dancing to house/techno, and all things vintage! Find out more.

Imagine a world with fairly distributed wealth and a happy, enriched workforce. These are two of the aims of Buddhist economics. Ed Gould delves into the background of this economic model and asks whether it can ever become a reality. Economic life may be something that seems out of our control. Indeed, the forces of macroeconomics can appear akin to a tsunami that individuals can do little about. And yet, even an enormous wave is made up of single drops of water. Individuals can decide how they spend, save and deal with the world from a financial point of view. Essentially, Buddhist economics looks at finances from a spiritual and ethical angle. Economics is studied from the standpoint of human psychology and how natural emotive reactions can direct a range of economic activities. So, what exactly is Buddhist economics? One Sri Lankan economist has described a Buddhist economic system as something that “has its foundations in the development of a co-operative and harmonious effort”. Writing in 1976, Neville Karunatilake said that the ideal place to operate in this way was within a “group living” setting. Perhaps building on the ashram idea of communal living espoused by Gandhi, Tolstoy and others, this approach would lead to a diminished level of “selfishness and acquisitive pursuits” which might have been seen in the days the Buddhist king Ashoka's rule. Referring back to a pre-industrial time, many classically trained economists might easily miss the point of what Buddhist economics can mean for the 21st-century world. However, as we shall see, Buddhist ideas about economics have developed throughout the world over the last few decades. This is partly because people are increasingly aware of the fragility of the global financial system and because of the destructive nature of many industrial processes which harm the planet. In an attempt to address these issues, some economists have tried to look at the principles behind Buddhist ethical teachings and apply them to areas like work, productivity, commerce and even concepts such as ownership. After all, it was the ethical nature of Buddhism that led Ashoka to invest in public works programmes such as those which built hospitals, hostels and parks. “Buddhist ideas about economics have developed over the last few decades partly because people are increasingly aware of the destructive nature of many industrial processes which harm the planet.” Building interest in the ethical dimension of Buddhist economics, the first international conference of its type was held in the city of Budapest in 2007. Further such conventions, which look into all aspects of Buddhist economic thought, from increasing happiness to facing up to the economic challenges of Western economies, have since taken place. How did Buddhist economics get to this level of acceptance among modern academics? Not child's play: Buddhist economics isn't easy to implement The development of Buddhist economics According to the Buddhist writer, P A Payutto, the traditional study of economics has avoided vital questions about human morality and ethical considerations. However, as ecological concerns have become more critical in the eyes of many people around the globe, so ever-increasing growth – something that most capitalist economies rely upon – has become seen as negative. Therefore, alternatives economic views have become increasingly mainstream. Both right and left wing economic views have, according to the zero-growth economic models espoused by certain green politicians, got little to offer regarding preserving the world's resources. Buddhist economics fits into that tradition and has been gaining more significant attention since Payutto started publishing in the 1990s. RELATED: Spending money – can you buy yourself happiness? The idea of Buddhist economics was first espoused in the 20th century by E F Schumacher, a German statistician, who came up with his ideas while travelling through southeast Asia. Schumacher ended up being an economic advisor to Prime Minister U Nu of what was then Burma. His idea was to reject the economic theories of both Karl Marx and Adam Smith, both of whom focussed on units of labour as being the primary economic drivers in any economic model. Instead, Schumacher espoused a view of economics from a Buddhist point of view. Essentially, Schumacher opted to redefine work from something that could be sold, for example to employers, or exploited, through slavery or unpaid labour, as well as choosing to view it as something that did not necessarily need to be conducted most efficiently. In other words, his view of work was one that was there to enrich the basic happiness of the person doing it from a spiritual standpoint, not from an economic one. When work works: we should be enriched by our labour efforts Let's look at what Schumacher means by taking an example. In a factory, the most efficient way of making an item for sale into the wider economy might be to divide the labour up so that each worker does a repetitive task over and over. This simplifies their job function, makes the production method more predictable and lowers costs, especially if production is speeded up significantly. The outcome might be that the factory owner makes more money with such a system. Henry Ford, the American car maker, is often cited as a pioneer of these sorts of workplace practices which were developed for economic reasons. Schumacher turns that idea on its head. He put forward the idea that work should not be measured by economic output. “In other words, Schaumacher's view of work was one that was there to enrich the basic happiness of the person doing it from a spiritual standpoint, not from an economic one.” Indeed, according to his Buddhist principle, work is there to offer a worker the chance to utilise and develop all of his faculties, not just one or two key skills. Also, this will enable a worker to overcome egocentric ideas, mainly when work is conducted with other people in a common task, for example, building a house together. Crucially, Schumacher stated that work should “bring forth the goods and services needed for a becoming existence”. In other words, work ought to create enough economic output to sustain life but no more. Working just to accumulate more and more wealth is pointless from a spiritual perspective. Being rich is, in other words, counterproductive. Economic problems and Buddhist solutions Since the global financial crisis, many people have woken up to the idea that the economic system that has sustained the West, in particular, may not be the be-all-and-end-all. If the system could crash and the money supply seize up once, then could it do so again? In addition, the rise of China as a global economic force – a country that does not run on liberal economic models – has caused some people to think that the way things have been done does not mean that is the way they must continue. The world becomes more global in its inter-connectedness, so goods move more rapidly and resources are used up. Some see the emergence of nationalism in recent years as a direct result of global economic trends over which local communities have little control. Global economic challenges like these can be met by Buddhist teachings. Not only do they convey the idea that man is interdependent on his fellow man, but that overproduction for the sake of economic growth is undesirable. “Since the global financial crisis, many people have woken up to the idea that the economic system that has sustained the West, in particular, may not be the be-all-and-end-all.” According to Clair Brown, an economics professor at UC Berkeley and the director of the Center for Work, Technology and Society, students she teaches are focussed on the tremendous economic inequalities that globalization has produced. In a world where the richest one per cent of the population own half of all the wealth, it's clear that inequality – and abject poverty – is rife. Rise above? Buddhist economics could challenge poverty Brown teaches that happiness, founded on less inequality, and the simple act of helping each other with compassion is the answer to these undeniable economic challenges. She puts forward the idea that economists must let go of the principle that people are fundamentally selfish and that they will always choose the best economic outcome for themselves. By studying cities in the so-called Rust Belt of America, she points out that economists must work in a way that is “compatible with what neuroscientists are finding out about people’s well-being and the way minds work.” How can mankind and our planet benefit? The economic challenges of poverty, inequality, globalization and ecology can all be met by adopting a Buddhist approach to economics, so its proponents claim. On ecology, for example, Professor Brown cites the withdrawal by the US from the Paris Accords as something that does not ascribe to Buddhist teachings of being mindful of others. RELATED: The 6 Science-Backed Benefits of Living Simply Man can benefit from adopting Buddhist economics because of self-interest, so inherent in Western economic models, is illusory. Instead of bartering for the best deal, the approach should be to adopt an economic model of mutual reciprocity. Why? Because we feel negative about ourselves and others in the former model and a higher degree of happiness and inner peace with the latter. Imagine what could be achieved by humans if everyone just got on better with one another because they felt less pressured to make a few pounds? From a global point of view, this would bring about a deceleration in the exploitation of the Earth's valuable resources, helping to make economic life sustainable not just for today but for future generations. ● Main image: Colourbox.com happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ develop with free online classes in our happiness Academy Work life balance | Biology | Community living Written by Ed Gould Ed Gould is a UK-based journalist and practitioner of Reiki.

Do you believe the idea that money can’t buy happiness? Think again. Research suggests that cash can improve well-being to a certain level. But, as Dee Marques finds out, essentially, it’s how you spend money that affects your levels of happiness. Money can't buy happiness. Just how many times have you heard that in your life? This old saying reflects the generally accepted belief that happiness is a mindset that cannot be changed by how much – or how little – money we have. But, sometimes, we may feel that that's not completely accurate and that money and happiness are connected in some way. Indeed, at some point or another, we've all thought that we'd be better off with some extra cash in our pocket. When money’s tight, it's only natural to think that having a little more of it would make us feel better, less stressed about the future, and happier overall. • INTERESTED IN SELF-GROWTH? Sign-up for free courses in our happiness Academy • In fact, the link between mental health and financial problems is well documented. So, if that’s the case, why can’t money buy happiness? Let’s take a look at research findings surrounding this long-standing debate, and uncover the connection between money and happiness. Happiness and money: what does research say? According to a report by The Psychological Society, money problems rank eighth in a list of the top 18 most common causes of stress in the United Kingdom. Similar findings have been reported in many other countries, including the United States, Australia and Hong Kong. Take note: money can't buy happiness (but it can buy great Hawaiian shirts!) On the other hand, financial well-being is one of the main factors contributing to quality of life and overall happiness, so the concept of financial wellness is definitely important when looking at why money can or can’t buy happiness. Financial wellness is defined as having enough money so that we don't have to worry about it or let it interfere with our relationships, health and future plans. So, it would seem that the answer to ‘can money buy happiness?’ is yes – at some level – as long as you have enough of it. But how much is enough, and can financial wellness be quantified? According to Nobel Prize winner and economist Angus Deaton, the benchmark can be established at $75,000 per year. In his research, Deaton found that below that amount, stress and negative emotions were reported more frequently. “The link between mental health and financial problems is well documented, so if that’s the case, why can't money buy happiness?” Of course, due to varying incomes around the world, that's not a fixed global figure, as it seems to vary from country to country. For example, studies have found that the amount needed for happiness was set much higher in Australia and New Zealand, but significantly lower in Latin America. Money can't buy happiness: a matter of priorities Although the exact ‘price of happiness’ varies, most studies trying to answer the question ‘can money buy happiness?’ agree on one thing: once our basic needs are meet, the positive effects of money become less important when weighed against the negative aspects. Of course, having enough money can reduce financial anxiety, but researchers have also found that people don't feel happier once they earn over the threshold figure discussed. RELATED: Economic hardship: the 3 things that make people happy when income is low In fact, some studies suggest that making more than $95,000 a year is actually linked to lower life satisfaction. This may be the case because as people earn more money, they develop more materialistic goals and then try to keep up with appearances – and that of their colleagues/friends. Maintaining this costly lifestyle makes it easier to fall into a spiral of dissatisfaction (known as the hedonic treadmill). Money won't buy happiness if you're stressed. © Lyashenko Egor/shutterstock.com Furthermore, often money can’t buy happiness because earning more of it often equates with greater job responsibilities and a lower work-life balance. This can mean working longer hours, having larger responsibilities, and more time in the office – all resulting in less quality time with family and friends. So, the important thing here we can learn here is to be aware of the fine line between having enough and overconsumption, which can never be satisfied, and eventually will make us unhappy. So, when can money buy happiness? Having more money than we need won't necessarily make us happier, but if we use it to do and experience meaningful things it might. Indeed, science shows that happiness is not about how much money you have, but about how you use it. An important part of finding balance between money and happiness entails using cash in a way that provides lasting satisfaction. For example, going on a shopping spree will only offer short-lived excitement, but investing in experiences can create the kind of memories – and joy – that last for ever. Here are three suggestions on when spending money can boost your well-being: 1. Altruism and happiness Studies show a strong connection between altruism and happiness. Some of the world's wealthiest people, like Bill Gates and Warren Buffett, donate most of their wealth because that action helps them to find meaning in life. However, you don't need to be a billionaire to experience this: you can carry outs act of kindness that involve small amounts of cash every day, for example, buying a coffee for the person behind you in the queue, setting up a monthly direct debit to your preferred charity, or sponsoring a friend that is raising money for charity. Likewise, being altruistic generally is a great thing for you: the benefits of kindness are huge and proven. 2. Investing in experiences Material possessions still have a high place in many cultures and societies. But ‘stuff’ gets broken, lost or loses it appeal after time. Experiences on the other hand create memories that will always stay with you. Take off: money spent on experiences, such as travel, raises happiness You can travel, take a cooking course, find a hobby you're passionate about, or simply be a tourist in your own town. Whatever brings joy to your heart, do it. In fact, it’s proven that a non-materialistic approach to life is one step to boosting happiness levels. 3. Buying yourself time Use money to buy yourself extra time. This way, you'll have more time to do things that make you happy. If household chores take up too much of your time and if you can afford it, hire a cleaner. If doing your taxes or managing your company's finances takes you hours, let an accountant do it and free up your schedule for more enjoyable things. If you and your partner are always exhausted because of your children, spending a little on a babysitter once a week can buy you precious time to yourselves. RELATED Spending money: how to buy yourself a happier life And you don’t have to be wealthy to benefit from any of these suggestions. A study of 6,000 people in several countries showed that those who spent money on time-saving tasks reported higher life satisfaction, regardless of their income bracket. The takeaway message is that spending money on things we enjoy contributes to our happiness, but also spending it to avoid things we dislike also works. Happiness and money: wealth affects our perception The last thing to consider when examining the connection between well-being and income is that happiness means different things to different people, so it's important to think about what makes you happy. Studies show that happiness is a complex emotion that can be experienced as a result of other positive feelings. For example, according to a study, wealthy people tend to associate happiness with pride, a sense of achievement, and feeling accomplished. Conversely, less well-off people are more likely to experience happiness in connection with emotions like compassion and love. “Often money can’t buy happiness because earning more of it often equates with greater job responsibilities and a lower work-life balance.” So, whatever happiness means to you, don't be afraid of making changes to find it, even if they seem scary at first. To some people, finding happiness meant quitting high-paying corporate jobs to follow their calling. To others, it may mean taking up a less demanding job or arranging to work from home a few days per week, even if that means earning less. Money can’t buy happiness: a quick recap To sum up, it seems clear that there's a connection between money and happiness and between happiness and income, but it's not always a cause-effect situation. Although money matters, it’s far from being the only factor contributing to happiness. Indeed, when trying to answer the question ‘why can't money buy happiness?’, it’s useful to rethink our perception of well-being, avoiding comparisons with others and trying to find out what happiness means to us at an individual level. Moreover, in our pursuit of happiness, it makes sense to focus on meeting our needs and creating a vault of experiences and memories, rather than a life full of material possessions, without forgetting to be appreciative and grateful for what we already have. So, it's clear that money can't buy happiness, except when you flash your cash in very specific ways. Happy spending! ● Main image: Dean Drobot/shutterstock.com happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practice, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum Work Life Balance | Freedom | Charity Written by Dee Marques A social sciences graduate with a keen interest in languages, communication, and personal development strategies. Dee loves exercising, being out in nature, and discovering warm and sunny places where she can escape the winter.

In today's noisy and unsettling world, in can be difficult to find inner peace and tranquility. Dee Marques explores the three key techniques that can help: mindfulness, shadow work and cultivating equanimity. It’s true that human history has always been marked by unsavoury events, but perhaps you share the feeling that these days, conflict, hatred, and violence suddenly seem to be all around us. Feeling you don’t really know what’s happening to the world is deeply unsettling and can threaten your inner peace and happiness. Yet, there are things you can do to counteract these emotions. Here are some ideas on how you can promote inner peace within yourself – and with others – regardless of how uncertain the world around us may be. Finding inner peace When dealing with hatred and violence, finding ways to promote inner peace requires mindful action. Here are the three key techniques you can use to try and find that inner calm and quiet. 1. Mindfulness Our first suggestion is to practise mindfulness. Not just because of its ability to transform your inner self, but because it can change your perception of the world, too. Indeed, scientific studies have shown that regular mindfulness practice appears to shrink the amygdala (the part of the brain that controls feelings of fear), while at the same time activating the pre-frontal cortex, which is associated with decision-making and awareness. All this means that mindfulness can help us regulate our emotions instead of simply reacting to triggers. It also helps us make more balanced judgements about what’s going on around us, as well as inside us. Discover some great mindfulness tips, such as mindful eating and drinking, gratitude walks and creating a start-of-the-day ritual. Finding inner peace through gratitude walks 2. Shadow work When it comes to finding inner peace and calm, our second suggestion is to engage in shadow work. This transformational practice is based on the idea that our feelings and perceptions about ourselves dominate the way we feel and act towards others. The shadow is the “negative you” or “your dark side”. With shadow work, instead of pushing it to the back of your mind or repressing it (as most of us feel tempted to do), you should explore it. This helps you to learn more about your own prejudices and misconceptions. The basic outline of shadow work looks like this: Acknowledge the negative emotions triggered by some people, news or events. Connect with your shadow and establish a conversation with it. What is it trying to achieve? Is its overall intention positive or negative? In most cases, your shadow holds on to negative emotions to protect you from harm. Can you find other ways of achieving the same without getting caught in a negative circle or without blaming others? Last but not least, remember that peace is not a goal that can be reached through certain mediums, but rather peace is the medium itself. In other words, use peace to bring inner peace by showing kindness and consideration towards your body and mind. For example, loving-kindness meditation has been proven to reduce self-criticism, promote peace with ourselves and others, and generate positive feelings towards strangers. .embed-container { position: relative; padding-bottom: 56.25%; height: 0; overflow: hidden; max-width: 100%; } .embed-container iframe, .embed-container object, .embed-container embed { position: absolute; top: 0; left: 0; width: 100%; height: 100%; } Loving kindness meditation for inner peace YouTube/LovingKindnessMeditation 3. Cultivating equanimity Cultivating equanimity can also help you to find inner peace and also peace with the outside world. Equanimity is one of the Four Sublime States in the Buddhist tradition, and the word derives from Sanskrit expression that means “to see without interference”. RELATED: How to Stop Thinking About Something: 9 Strategies Equanimity is also defined as even-mindedness, a balanced reaction to both positive and negative events or thoughts, and the ability to achieve a state of mind that cannot be affected by bias and prejudice, but that's driven by compassion instead. “Finding ways to promote peace requires mindful action. Basically, you’ll need to disarm the inner world first in order to disarm the outer world.” Cultivating equanimity involves re-wiring your brain through conscious practise. Yoga (especially gratitude yoga) provides the ideal conditions to work on this. Find your equanimity mantra (something that reminds you of the need to stay unbiased), start your yoga session, and take note of any negative reactions triggered by thoughts or people you dislike. Keep referring to your equanimity mantra while acknowledging that you are responsible for your own happiness and peace of mind. Finding peace in the outside world Of course, we should all do our best not only to promote inner peace in our minds, but also in the outside world. To do that, you don’t need to make grand gestures. As Buddhist author and peace activist Thich Nhat Hanh said: “Learn the art of making one person happy, and you will learn to express your love for the whole of humanity and all beings.” So, here are 10 easy-to-put-into-action gestures of peace and kindness: Send a heart-felt handwritten card to a friend or relative Compliment a colleague and express how much you appreciate them Offer a small gift (e.g. fruit, biscuits) to the person who delivers your post Donate to a charity shop Volunteering is important. Try it at a shelter or soup kitchen Offer your place in the queue to the person behind you (or try another random act of kindness) Track down an old teacher or lecturer, and send them a note of appreciation Bake some treats and take them to work to share with colleagues Let another driver into your lane Strike up a conversation with a homeless person Meditation can help you to cultivate inner peace shuttertsock/Jack Frog When it comes to finding inner peace and calm in troubled times, it’s important to resist isolation, even if this seems to go against our most basic instincts. For example, you could get involved in community-building initiatives, as this can help establish meaningful conversations with those who hold different views. You can also join non-violence organizations, or learn more about how prejudice and stereotypes affect us by signing up to prejudice reduction workshops or seminars in your local area or online. The takeaway: finding inner peace Finding kindness and peace within yourself and in the world won’t happen overnight, but mindfulness practise, shadow work, cultivating equanimity, and resisting isolation are within the path to hope and joy. To cope with the troubled times we're currently living in, you’ll need to be persistent and willing to challenge your inner self. ● Main image: shutterstock/marvent happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practice, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum Gratitude | Meditation | Volunteering | Inner turmoil Written by Dee Marques A social sciences graduate with a keen interest in languages, communication, and personal development strategies. Dee loves exercising, being out in nature, and discovering warm and sunny places where she can escape the winter.

We often forget to be kind to ourselves, but being good to yourself is essential says psychologist Stanislava Puač Jovanović. Discover eight self-love techniques – such as forgiveness and setting boundaries – and improve your emotional well-being. 'Please be good to yourself' is something we would like to say to our loved ones when we witness them beating themselves up. Yet, we rarely take our own advice. Unlike compassion, self-kindness often feels unnatural. In today’s society of achievements, we succumb to rationing self-love as if it were something that needs to be painstakingly deserved. However, it is not. Self-love is dynamic and expands as we grow psychologically. It is not something that you can attain through a makeover, inspirational read, career achievements, or a new relationship. It is not simply feeling good or motivated to take on the world. It is knowing and accepting yourself, being comfortable with who you are. Being good to yourself means being autonomous and centred in your life purpose and values. This article will explore the science behind self-love and self-kindness, and give you eight research-based tips on how to be good to yourself. Why being good to yourself is essential Being good to yourself is a foundational tenet of many psychological interventions. The reason? It is an essential ingredient of well-being. Through self-love, both our minds and our bodies can function optimally. For a long time, researchers and practitioners were aware of the effects of self-kindness on psychological and physical health. A recent study revealed the mechanism behind its benefits. Being good to oneself switches off our threat response, calms our heart rate, and, overall, enables us to respond flexibly to situations. Be good to yourself: self-love is essential for well-being shutterstock/kues The threat (or, the fight or flight) response to stressful situations is adaptive to a point. However, for a modern human, on most occasions, this reaction is overly intensive. After all, there isn’t a prehistoric carnivore chasing us. So, consistently practising self-love and managing to switch this extreme automatic reaction off boosts our immune system. By doing so, we give ourselves the best chance of healing and prospering. Be good to yourself: 8 self-love techniques For the majority of people, the habit of being unconstructively self-critical is deeply engrained in their psyche. Most of us expect to see results (educational, professional, or social achievements) before we can begin to love ourselves. So, being good to yourself probably won’t become your default state of mind on its own. You need to commit to practising it. Here are eight techniques you can easily incorporate into your life. Try them and hopefully you will start to see a difference. 1. Practise mindfulness Even though it’s not a panacea, mindfulness remains at the top of the list of beneficial techniques in a variety of situations. It teaches us to observe our inner world without judgement. If you want to be good to yourself, fist yu need to accept whatever it may be that you’re feeling or thinking. Mindfulness gives us the necessary self-esteem and unconditional self-acceptance we need to feel comfortable with ourselves. 2. Be honest about your weaknesses Not being perfect stings. We know. We all have an image of the ideal self in our heads. Looking at the discrepancy between who we are and who we want to be is unpleasant at the very least. Nonetheless, to be good to yourself doesn’t mean lying, flattering, or turning a blind eye to your shortcomings. Self-love means not bashing yourself over your flaws. It means building a healthier response to your failures and imperfections. Accepting that you’re not impeccable will gradually lead you to a realistic image of your self-worth. 3. Speak sincere words of self-acceptance Once you’ve brought your weaknesses and emotions to the light of the day through being mindful and truthful, you can begin to shift your attitude. When you ignore or deny your limitations, you are giving the power away. Because you don’t want that, it’s time to come up with affirmations that will resonate with your true self. “'Be good to yourself' is much more than a phrase. It is a foundational tenet of many psychological interventions.” For example, you might be facing a difficult task. Trying to convince yourself that the idea of giving up does not tempt you probably won’t work. Instead, you could try saying: “Even though this feels hard, I will be gentle with myself and simply do my best”. If you’re struggling with creating your genuine self-love statements, try thinking about what you would need to hear from someone else. What kind of supportive sentence would you believe in? 4. Forgive and self-forgive Forgiveness liberates. It’s a pearl of ancient wisdom with strong support in modern-day research. An extensive review of studies on forgiveness found that if we find it in ourselves to replace the unforgiving emotions with empathy and compassion, our bodies and minds heal. Letting go of resentment means to be good to yourself. And what about self-forgiveness? When you forgive yourself, you open the doors to growing as a person. Whether you’re feeling guilty for hurting another, being in the wrong place at the wrong time, or for holding on to unhealthy habits, let go of self-hate. Forgiving yourself frees you from unconstructive self-condemnation. 5. Know your values To be good to yourself means more than self-acceptance and self-forgiveness. It means working towards fulfilling your purpose as well. Once you’ve come to peace with who you are and abandoned self-loathing, the need to realise your potentials will naturally come to the front. Forgiveness is a big part of self-love and being good to yourself shutterstock/HBRH This is when you need to be clear on what your core values are. You can try one of the life coaching tools freely available such as the “What I really value in life” or “Values and purpose” exercise to help you define what it is that moves you. 6. Practise good self-care Self-love and good self-care are closely connected. You are more likely to make healthy lifestyle choices when you’re happy with yourself and your life. This association can also work the other way round. If you commit to taking good care of yourself, you will build the basis for loving yourself more. Be good to yourself, eat healthily, exercise, sleep better, surround yourself with well-minded people, and pursue interests. But remember, it’s also very important not to be harsh on yourself when you fail to do those things. Being a perfectionist will only cause you to beat yourself up, instead of making you feel good. 7. Stop comparing yourself In the age of social media and all-around self-promotion, our natural inclination to compare ourselves to others has become enormously amplified. We all know that people carefully edit what they display online (and in person, for that matter). Nonetheless, we are still affected by the contrast between our real lives and what we see out there. “'Being good to yourself probably won't become your default state of mind on its own. You need to commit to practising it.” Comparing yourself to others can make you vulnerable to anxiety, low self-esteem and depression. So, stop doing it. Spend your energy on living intentionally instead. 8. Set boundaries We all do it sometimes – we bend over backwards. We do it for our career, friends, family, or simply because we were raised to do so. Although it is praiseworthy to be selfless, the truth is – you cannot live a healthy life without healthy limits. Well-being depends on feeling like you’re in control and being assertive (among other things, of course). Therefore, you cannot keep pulling out all your stops for every single person or project. You need to set boundaries and protect your integrity. The takeaway: make loving yourself a lifelong romance! As you might have noticed, we’re not proposing narcissistic self-love based on a delusory image of your saint-like grandness — quite the opposite. The foundation of self-love is authenticity. So, to love yourself, know yourself. Accept, do not judge - but always seek ways to grow and improve. Be kind and forgiving to yourself. Live a life that is in line with your values and work towards your ideal self. In that way, self-love becomes the spring from which your contribution to the world will flow. • happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine ■ share and support in our happiness forum ■ learn with free online Academy classes Healthy habits | Self care | Quality time Written by Stanislava Puač Jovanović Stanislava Puač Jovanović has a master’s degree in psychology and works as a freelance writer and researcher in this area. Her primary focus is on questions relating to mental health, stress-management, self-development and well-being.

Giving someone criticism can be tough, especially if they're sensitive. Learn how to be more compassionate with your feedback and advice by giving criticism constructively. Most of us will have faced an assessment of our abilities and behaviour during our lives, probably at work. Sometimes we will have received some negative feedback, but, hopefully, more often than not, we will have been given constructive criticism. However, according to Gregg Walker from Oregon State University, knowing how to give and take criticism constructively can be a minefield: those giving it are unsure on the best way to deliver it and those on the receiving end of such feedback can often become defensive. But by learning how to rebuke kindly, giving feedback that is meant to improve someone can become much easier. And, according to the author Leo Babauto, before giving constructive criticism it's important firstly to consider, “Would I like to hear that about myself and, if so, what would be the nicest way to say it?”. Constructive criticism: the benefits Whether at work or in one’s personal life, having someone criticize with kindness will have a much more positive result. According to a study by the consultant Marcial Losada and academic Emily Heaphy, effectiveness within a business is measured by financial performance, customer satisfaction and feedback ratings of the team members. The related question is whether positive feedback – actually and truthfully – informs us that we're on track, or is constructive criticism and comments a better way to help us when we're perhaps digressing in a non-positive way. Losada and Heaphy discovered that positive comments such as, “That’s a great idea, but...” is a better way to begin offering constructive criticism, rather than negative comments like, “We shouldn’t even consider doing that.” Constructive criticism in the workplace Jacob Lund/shutterstock/ However, giving negative feedback can also act as a wake-up call, in that it will grab the person’s attention. According to The Joy of Criticism by Peter Fisk, a Ph.D scientist, criticism is actually information, which, when used in the right way, should help us to improve our behaviour. RELATED: ‘I Hate My Job!’ Cultivate These 6 Traits and Love Your Work Fisk uses the 'spinach-on-the-teeth' example, where, at a function, you notice that someone you know has got some spinach stuck in their teeth. The dilemma is: should you tell them or should you pretend you haven’t seen it? If you don’t tell them, then they'll spend the rest of the evening looking ridiculous, so it's probably better to criticize with kindness, as they will surely be grateful and remove the offending food immediately. Fisk goes on to explain that, when giving constructive criticism, it's important to be careful, as being offensive can be hurtful, damage self-esteem and can make the person defensive rather than open to suggestion. “When giving constructive criticism, it's important to be careful, as being offensive can be hurtful and damage self-esteem.” So, when giving constructive criticism, think carefully about the words you want to use. For example, to tell someone that they're lazy gives them no room for manoeuvre, as does negative statements such as “you could” or “you should”. The critic intends only to help and, if the negative criticism seems unpalatable, then think about why it's being said, as, according to Fisk, not all constructive criticism can be given in a supportive and encouraging manner. • JOIN US! Discover our community, a place for learning and growth • Criticism can sometimes, even when given for the right reasons, make us angry. Instead, we have to learn to use it as a way to improve ourselves. However, sometimes it can be given for the wrong reasons, such as in a mean-spirited way, using unacceptable language, or very personal criticism like ”you're useless at your job” or “the way you dress is not suitable”. Try not to get angry if you're on the receiving end of such negative feedback. Instead, ask the person why they're saying these things rather than taking it as a personal attack. .embed-container { position: relative; padding-bottom: 56.25%; height: 0; overflow: hidden; max-width: 100%; } .embed-container iframe, .embed-container object, .embed-container embed { position: absolute; top: 0; left: 0; width: 100%; height: 100%; } .embed-container { position: relative; padding-bottom: 56.25%; height: 0; overflow: hidden; max-width: 100%; } .embed-container iframe, .embed-container object, .embed-container embed { position: absolute; top: 0; left: 0; width: 100%; height: 100%; } 10 ways to give constructive criticism EYN.tv/YouTube It may be that they will go on to point out a piece of work that you did or will explain the necessary dress code, allowing you to then take it as constructive criticism rather than negative feedback. Some people find it very difficult to criticize kindly. However, being tactful, as pointed out in this article by Mind Tools, is something that we have to learn as we go through life. RELATED: How to Show Compassion at Work: 7 Tips When criticism is given, it can be upsetting for some people. This is why it's important to always criticize with kindness, no matter how serious the issue. Criticism can make us feel that we've failed and are not living up to expectations, whether it be in our personal or working life. Either way, the effect can be traumatizing when not given in the correct way. How to criticize constructively, with kindness Be impersonal: talk about actions rather than the individual themselves Don't be on the attack: take a subtle approach Offer positives and specific suggestions for improvements Instead of telling the person that they're wrong, talk about a better approach or solution Criticize in a way that will lead to a meaningful discussion Whilst it's best to criticize kindly, it should also be specific and without reducing someone's self-esteem. Think about what you're saying and how you're saying it, as is cleverly summed up in a quote from American lawyer and politician Frank Clark: “criticism, like rain, should be gentle enough to nourish a man's growth without destroying his roots.” Learn to criticize with kindness © shutterstock/suteren Portray kindness while being critical The philosopher Daniel Dennett wrote pragmatically about “just how charitable are you supposed to be when criticising the views of an opponent”. Dennett considered the relevancy of this in today’s culture where “everyone is a critic”. Dennett is the author of Intuition Pumps And Other Tools for Thinking which includes a section entitled ‘the dignity and art-science of making mistakes’, where he provides an insight into how to avoid making a fool out of one’s opponent. These rules were originally written by the well-known social psychologist and game theorist Anatol Rapoport. Dennett has summarised them to describe how to compose a successful commentary using constructive criticism: Try to explain your target’s position in such a way that it is clear and fairly said. This way, the response can be, “Thanks, I wish I had thought of putting it that way”. List all the points that you agree with, especially if they're not a part of the general, overall consensus of opinion. Mention anything that you've learned from your target, thus offering encouragement. This leads to another point of understanding the importance of knowing how to criticize constructively. Science recommends that – as the critic – we should be aware of the type of person we are criticizing, helping us to take into account their feelings, actions and emotions. Finally, it's also important to analyze, with subjectivity, your observations, as this will help you to criticize with kindness and to add a solid and fair criteria to your sympathetic, well-meaning constructive criticism. ● Written by Guest Author We're happy to publish articles by guest authors that will broaden the perspective and bring new insights. If you're interested in publishing an article on happiness.com, please contact us.

Telling your kids 'no' often makes them only rebel more. So, what's the best way to deal with curious children when problems arise? Indian spiritual leader KAMLESH D. PATEL aka Daaji says it's time to stop nagging and start guiding... Parenthood isn't always a walk in the park! Here, spiritual leader and parent Daaji shares his advice on how to deal with a couple of common parenting issues, asked by author and educator Anuradha Bhatua. Anuradha Bhatua: Can we speak about the relationship between parents and teenagers? I have two children, and during their adolescence, they always felt, “We are right, mummy and papa are wrong. We are being curbed.” And this is the age when they are rebellious. For everything, the answer is, “No, I will not do it. My friend’s parents let them do this, you don’t let me do it, you are wrong.” And this is also the age when there is a little separation or distance developing between adolescent children and parents. What is your advice on this, and how do you mend this relationship? Daaji: “You cannot manhandle children at that age. If you are too strong they will break. If you are too weak they will become spoilt. The most important thing is how you prepare them for the future from day one. You cannot expect to see a change in them when they have turned 12 or 13. “There is no easy solution. We have to support them to a certain extent, for example, “I don’t mind you going out, but by this time you should come back.” Does that mean they will postpone or pre-pone the activities which are not so good? We don’t know. We have to trust them also. Have confidence that they will not do anything wrong. Be careful, but not too careful “If you constantly nag them and warn them, it frustrates them. Over carefulness from the parents’ side destroys the relationship. Be careful, but don’t show it. Be very subtle, and share stories with them – beautiful stories, inspiring stories. The problem is that we have stopped reading stories to them at bedtime. Even when they are 13, 14, 15 or 18 – why not even when they are at 30 – share a nice story with them. Share a nice joke with them. That will make them think. This rhythm has to be placed in their hearts from a young age. Daaji: “When they are teenagers, an inner awakening is there in them, and they are slowly shifting mentally and emotionally from their dependence on their parents to their own self.” “When children are awake, we can intensify their observational capacity, starting with how a flower blooms, how the stars shine – keep them busy with inspiring things. Let them count the stars. It is a beautiful moment actually. Let them see the leaves changing colors every day. Take the child every day to the same tree or plant and say, 'Look at this tree. We’ll come back tomorrow and we will see the color.' Continuously keep at these activities. Bring a coffee cup, fill it with soil, put some seeds in the soil, and see how new life sprouts. This training in observation that we give right from the beginning is very important.” Use nature and plants to train your children in the powers of observation Guide them in the right direction “Now, all this is up to a certain age. Afterwards we can teach them regularity in life: to wake up early in the morning, how to sit, how to talk, the kind of music to listen to, etc. This rhythm has to be placed in their hearts from a young age. When they are teenagers, an inner awakening is there in them, and they are slowly shifting mentally and emotionally from their dependence on their parents to their own self. They are searching, and they are discovering things. Our job is to guide them in the right direction. “Don’t be bossy. Don’t lecture them. If your child says, 'I want to try this out,' you can say, 'OK, go ahead. Let’s see what happens.' Don’t always be so negative. Don’t always question, ´What were you doing?´ You're putting your child on the defensive. You are teaching them how to lie. You could say instead, 'I wish I had known; I would have picked you up, my son or my daughter.' “Conversation is important, and communication is very important. Joking is the most important thing. Jokes that you used to share with little children do not need to stop as they become teenagers. Story sharing can continue. When you read a profound philosophical message from any source, share it with them with a lot of joy: 'My child, listen to this, how wonderful it is.'” Mistakes happen: don't worry “And when they do something wrong, it's not the end of the world. Children are not stupid. They know that they have made a mistake, but we make it worse by reminding them, 'You see what you have done? I knew you were going to do this.' Then they rebel. They already know that they have made a mistake and feel bad about it; now you're rubbing salt into the wound. “You have to be sympathetic in a very indirect way also. Behave as though you don’t know anything, because their pride is riding high at that time. They don’t want to show their mistakes to the parents whom they adore so much. Indeed, 'I don’t want to let my parents down' is also there. Even though a child may be going haywire, this inner sense is always prevailing. That is why they lie. That is why they hide. Otherwise, if they were so proud of their actions they would do it right in front of you. Their conscience is still active, still alive. Daaji: “Conversation is important, and communication is very important. Joking is the most important thing.” “But there are many parents these days who rear their children according to their desire and passion. So what is your desire, what is your passion, what do you want to create in your child? How are you going to design the destiny of your child? As your children grow, at every age, your approach to them must change. Once those children become adults and marry, they have their own lives, so why interfere? When they come to you, be the best you can be. Give the best you can, but there is no point interfering. Nagging them does not work: 'You must do this; you must not do that.' Don’t give them the chance to say you are stupid.” Educate yourself and embrace change “Also, be ahead of your children at the technological level, at the knowledge level. We stop learning things, and that is why our children are able to say, 'Oh! You don’t even know this!' At least have some idea about certain advancements, and the changes happening in the world. You cannot insulate yourself from the things that are happening. “Changes and trends need not be bad. They can be very ennobling. Now it has become a much freer society I would say, but we are paying a price for it: we are having a war! I mean there is so much boiling and mixing happening, like never before. I don’t think there was ever a period in the history of the human race like today. It is extremely unique. Extremely intense changes are taking place. At a good level there are intense changes, and at a bad level also there are intense changes. And we must help our children to go in the right direction. “Sometimes they make mistakes, and you are watching. Don’t let them go too far. Keep on showing them sensitively and sensibly about the perils, but not by becoming negative. Then they realise, 'My mom or my papa told me that, but I didn’t listen.' And when such things happen a few times they will have the confidence that, 'They are more experienced than me. Now it's time to listen.' Advise your children but be prepared to let them make mistakes too. “This can happen only when you give them the freedom to do certain things. Let them make mistakes. Let them understand on their own that you advised them correctly. Slowly they will have more confidence that, 'My parents are wise.' Of course, it's not always universal, as exceptions are always there in life situations, but by and large, respect will be greater when you don’t interfere. “You have to be very indirect. You have to play your role in such a way that children don’t feel that you're influencing them in any way. Always be guided by your heart. When you meditate, you will receive the guidance: 'This is what I should be doing or not doing.' Anuradha Bhatua: “Some parents I know were distraught because they found out their teenage son had started smoking and drinking with his friends, and there was a showdown. How does one handle that situation?” Daaji: “Give some level of liberty to your child. Smoking is not the end of the world. Drinking is also not the end of the world. It's not that you're giving them freedom to do all these things, but at times you have to let children learn certain lessons on their own by making mistakes. When you see that he or she is smoking, find some funny stories or movies depicting the negative effects of such a bad habit and share it with them. There is a lot of information available on drugs, drinking, etc. Provide it to them. “Help your children face peer pressure in doing or not doing certain things with their friends. Peer pressure kills them. We have to help them remove the guilt that develops because of such peer pressure. We have to give them the confidence that, “You have the ability to say ‘no’ to certain things. Use your wisdom; guide your friends. They can be foolish but you are wiser. If you go ahead and do it, see the impact of it on your physical system and mental system. “If they still insist, go ahead and give them the freedom. Tell them, 'I will buy you a carton of cigarettes, but see for yourself how it affects your studies and your physical well-being.' Show them all the negative things that can happen because of such indulgence. Daaji: “We have to give them the confidence that, 'You have the ability to say “no” to certain things.' Use your wisdom; guide your friends. They can be foolish but you are wiser.” “I remember in the 80s, when my boys were born one after the other, I used to get a newsletter on how to raise children. The number one suggestion was, 'Never say, “Do this” directly.' It's a beautiful suggestion, beautiful advice. Never force a child and say, 'You must sleep now.' Instead, say something like, 'Let’s make a rule: it's nine o’clock. When this hand comes to this number you must sleep because the clock says so.' Children understand all that. Afterwards, as they grow, they argue differently, and that's a different matter, but when they are young it's a matter of training. Don’t teach them the art of rebelling from an early age. Let them blame the clock!” ● Interviewed by ANURADHA BHATIA. Images: colourbox.com This article was first published in Heartfulness magazine. The copyright is owned by Sahaj Marg Spirituality Foundation and it's reproduced here with kind permission. Other articles by the author and similar articles can be accessed at http://www.heartfulnessmagazine.com Written by Kamlesh Patel Kamlesh Patel is the world teacher of Heartfulness, and the fourth spiritual Guide in the Sahaj Marg system of Raja Yoga. He oversees Heartfulness centers and ashrams in over 150 countries, and guides the thousands of certified Heartfulness trainers who are permitted to impart Yogic Transmission under his care. Known to many as Daaji, he is also an innovator and researcher, equally at home in the inner world of spirituality and the outer world of science, blending the two into transcendental research on the evolution of consciousness. Building on the insights of his first Guide, Ram Chandra of Shahjahanpur, he is expanding our understanding of the purpose of human existence to a new level, so necessary at this pivotal time in human history.

Corey Harnish shares his idea of what kindness is, and how you can practise it every day to improve your life and the lives of others. Let’s start this journey with a little self-talk. Do you want to be happy? Yes, right? Do you want others to be happy? Probably yes too, right? Do others want you to be happy? A little hesitation on that one, huh? Maybe even a 'no'? Well, it’s not true! Just like you want others to be happy, they want the same for you. After you read this article, you’ll hopefully be motivated to create a small shift to bring more kindness into your life, and the lives of others. Kindness: it's already within you Over the last 20 years, researchers have been studying what has been termed 'positive psychology,' an analysis of how uplifting emotions like gratitude, love, joy, and inspiration affect our well-being and literally improve our lives. What’s incredible is these emotions are already within us; it’s just a matter of whether or not we take intentional action to express them. One of the easiest ways to do this is through choosing kindness and performing kind acts. Kindness is contagious © Freepik So, what is kindness, anyway? Kindness, put simply, is a positive action that leaves someone in a better situation than before. It doesn’t have to be as extravagant as paying for someone’s surgery or spending hours and hours volunteering. Literally, it can be anything. A smile. Holding the door open for another person. Bringing food to someone. Paying for the person in line behind you. Connecting with a stranger. Saying ‘I love you’ to someone close. RELATED: Random acts of kindness: 22 ideas to spread happiness! Even treating yourself to a night out, getting a pedicure, or a massage are all acts of kindness. Yes, that’s right, you can, and should, be kind to yourself, too! So often we hold back from being kind because we don’t know what to do or we don’t think our actions will make an impact, but they do. The research proves this. What’s important is to just take action, no matter how small. To get you started on practicing kindness, take a look at some awesome ideas from Kindness.org and the Random Acts of Kindness Foundation. Give and receive: practice kindness and you'll benefit too Wow! Kindness is easier than I thought, but what’s the benefit to me? I’m glad you asked. Kindness not only benefits others, but it also improves your life as much or more! The science shows that some of the benefits of kindness are: Improved immune system functioning Decreased stress levels Feelings of meaning and purpose A sense of connectedness RELATED: the power of kindness Super cool, right? Check out these awesome cases of kindness in practice: The Good Cards The Good Cards is a modern-day version of the Pay it Forward movement that uses technology for good. With a mobile app and a physical Good Card, users are able to do good deeds, share their positive stories, and inspire others to join in the action all while being able to track the ripple effect of kindness that happens around the world in a fun and meaningful way. Social Emotional Learning (SEL) Nowadays in schools, a shift in our standardized education has started to incorporate more curricula that addresses emotional intelligence, mindfulness, and positive psychology. By doing this, we are creating micro-habits of kindness with our youth; empowering them to not only be the leaders of tomorrow but to be the ‘Kindness Leaders of tomorrow.’ Rotary International: In over 35,000 communities around the world, Rotary has created a space for neighbours to come together and help their communities flourish. Whether it’s raising funds for a local not-for-profit, doing an environmental cleanup, or engaging students in service learning, Rotary is empowering people globally to be a force for good. OK, I’m ready to put kindness into action! You’re all set. Now you can see how powerful kindness actually is and how simple it is to do. Once you start, you’ll create a ripple effect that’ll inspire people all around you to spread kindness too. Remember with The Good Cards you’ll be able to track that impact as it inspires kindness around the world. Don’t be shy, share with us, what’s one kind act you plan to do today? ● This article from Corey Harnish was originally posted on Linkedin Written by Corey Harnish The poster child of community. Corey is a great listener and huge believer in humanity. Currently the CEO of Better World International a 501c3 tech nonprofit, Corey is leading The Good Cards development; an innovative online-gaming platform and app that engages people worldwide in doing good deeds for happiness and global sustainability. Corey is an AmeriCorps VISTA Alumni, an Honorary Rotarian of Rotary International, as well as a volunteer of Defy Ventures, providing business coaching to EITs (entrepreneurs-in-training), and an active personal life coach. Corey empowers individuals and communities and help them to flourish through personal development coaching and community service involvement. An aspiring Social Justice activist with a passion for community/sustainable development, service learning, juvenile justice rehabilitation, and brain-based coaching.

We chat with Corey Harnish, co-founder of The Good Cards project, which is changing the world one little act of kindness at a time. This fun and interactive initiative is spreading happiness and touching lives all around the world, and you can take part, too... In the grander scheme of things, we might – at times – feel insignificant, and yet, if we look closely, little things are so important. That grumpy person on the Metro or the friendly smile in the line at the bakery can significantly influence our mood and therefore the rest of our day. Indeed, our reaction to the next person we meet and whether we're annoyed or react with kindness and a smile might then influence their subsequent interaction, and so on. Making use of this so-called 'butterfly effect' and spreading kindness playfully is a mission The Good Cards has set out to achieve. Corey Harnish, CEO of Better World International, and one of the co-founders of The Good Cards project has made the time to answer some of our questions. Learn more about The Good Cards and how to change the world one card and one act of kindness at a time! Hi Corey! So, tell us, what is The Good Cards project exactly? “The Good Cards has been described as the Pokemon Go for doing good! The Good Cards is a digital platform and mobile app that motivates and empowers people to perform real-life acts of kindness and good deeds in a fun and meaningful way.” And how does The Good Cards work? “The Good Cards uses a physical card and a mobile app to engage people in performing acts of kindness - in a way that is easy and fun! Here's how: You start with a physical Good Card. Scan it in The Good Cards app. You receive a mission to do something good for someone else and share the story about your mission. Pass your Good Card on to the next person. Get notified of your ripple effect of kindness! As your Good Card travels from person to person around the globe, you can track it in your Good Card app and get notified of the ripple effect of the kindness and good deeds you’ve inspired around the world. .embed-container { position: relative; padding-bottom: 56.25%; height: 0; overflow: hidden; max-width: 100%; } .embed-container iframe, .embed-container object, .embed-container embed { position: absolute; top: 0; left: 0; width: 100%; height: 100%; } “Right now, The Good Cards is in its early stage, and missions are focused on acts of kindness to ourselves, our social circle, as well as anonymous good deeds. As it continues to grow and develop, it will expand beyond just acts of kindness. There will be missions focused on Sustainable Development Goals and social impact at large. Over time, we will incorporate a model for corporations to easily engage employees and consumers in their Corporate Social Responsibility initiatives.” Sounds great! And what are Dreamers? “Dreamers are those people who want to make a difference in this world and most likely are taking action to make it happen. Our tribe is a community of Dreamers who are active in doing good deeds. We've learned that a lot of Dreamers want to do good but either don't know what to do, or they lose motivation for doing good because they don't believe their small actions have an impact.” So, how do you cater to their needs? “We've created a fun and meaningful experience to solve these concerns! With The Good Cards, Dreamers can get guidance in doing good deeds while seeing the ripple effect of kindness their actions make on others.” The Good Cards successfully spreads happiness through fun interactions Do you think you can transform any person to become a Dreamer? “We believe anyone can become a Dreamer if they personally experience the positive impact of doing good to others. Positive psychologists have proven that altruism and giving have as strong of an impact on the giver as they do on the recipient of kindness. “Dreamers are those people who want to make a difference in this world and most likely are taking action to make it happen.” Corey Harnish “Our goal is to empower people to feel the power of kindness individually because then they will experience transformation on their own, and thus make the world a kinder, happier place.” Why are kindness, love and happiness important, and why gamify it? “In today's world, with the political climate, the amount of negativity, and divide across cultures, people have lost faith in humanity. Something needs to be done to change this. In my opinion, the way to do so is to "kill them with kindness." Rather than fighting back or criticizing others for their wrongdoing, we believe the answer is to give people what they need - kindness, love, and happiness. “These are so important because when we experience kindness, love, or happiness, we want to share it with others. When we look at the research, we see a tremendous social benefit to people and communities when these emotions are common.” RELATED: The power of kindness But does kindness need to be cool and trendy? “For us, there was no other way than to make doing good fun and meaningful. The intention behind 'gamifying' kindness is to create a space and framework that motivates and empowers people to do good. “By doing this, kindness becomes a fun experience to share with others, and something people might be inspired to join and be a part of. Now, when you do a good deed, you literally watch as your Good Card travels the world creating a ripple effect of kindness.” Can you share with us any success stories? “The success stories range from self-care days were people finally are taking time to treat themselves, to fundraising €1,000 to give holiday gifts to a Polish family, to thoughtful anonymous care packages to friends and family.” And what is the global impact up till now? “For us, it's important to recognise each act of kindness rather than get caught up in the global impact, as the global impact will happen from the chain reaction of smaller individual actions. When you focus your attention on the individual lives you touch you begin to truly see and feel the real impact. In less than a year, Good Cards have touched lives in 33 countries, and it's only the beginning; as the project grows and develops, it will continue to expand.” Acts of kindness: with a mobile app and a real Good Card, you can spread the love! What's your envisioned role of companies and brands in the project? “We envision a time when corporations join in the activity. Using our project as a Happiness-as-a-ServiceTM (HaaSTM) platform where they can easily engage their customers and employees in Corporate Social Responsibility (CSR) initiatives. “Research significantly shows that millennials, Y & Z Generations buy specifically from brands that are socially responsible and actually participate in giving back to the community. We are developing a new and innovative platform where corporations can increase their social impact, and communicate their social responsibility efforts to consumers in a fun way.” RELATED: Random acts of kindness Can your game actually “build and restore faith in humanity and society?” “Since The Good Cards is still in its first version, it doesn't have the ability to 'restore faith in humanity,' just yet. However, as we continuously develop the platform, it will have the capacity to make a large scale impact. Just think about some of these big brands like Coca-Cola, Nike, or Pokemon Go, and the millions and millions of people all over the world who have interacted with them. “We envision a day when our platform grows this large and millions of people join us in doing good; restoring faith in humanity. Once something like this happens, yes, we totally believe it will 'play' a big role in restoring faith in humanity and society.” ● Main photo: Evan Kirby Written by Arlo Laibowitz Arlo is a filmmaker, artist, lecturer, and intermittent practitioner of metta meditation and morning yoga. When not dreaming about impossible projects and making them happen in the most impractical ways possible, he journals, listens to jazz, or cuddles with his better half.