Friends: do you even need them? How do you make new ones?

[Calvin77]

How important are friends in your life? Do you even need them? This article about the power of friendship suggests you do. As I've moved countries a lot I've found that certain friendships have slipped, but I've also made a few new ones, although it's not always come easy (there are some great ideas on how to make new friends here).  

 

So, how do you make buddies these days? Do you have loads of friends or prefer a small number of quality mates? ?

 

[Candy]

I actually have very few people in my life that I call true friends, and I'm happy with it. I realise that the smaller your circle, the less drama you have. Sometimes I meet people in passing and think "Oh, it might be nice to have them as friends", but I don't really do anything about it. I think the right people will come into your life naturally and stick around for as long as they need to :) And for this reason, I don't force friendships and happily spend most of my time alone ?

[Lizzie]

I also have a small circle, and many of my friends live in other countries which makes it hard to meet or keep up with everything. I definitely think it's important to have friends in your life, but it's not the number that counts. Quality over quantity ? I honestly don't know how to make friends lol normally it has happened via friends in common, so thank god for my extroverted amigas! ?

[huma]

I realize that I had different habits and dynamics about it throughout the years. Recently, after moving to Barcelona I was making so much effort to make friends. It's fine of course but at a point, I realized that I was going for quantity and end up being unsatisfied and exhausted.  So I'm acting differently lately and I feel happier with fewer friends but having a quality time with people I truly feel interested in getting to know more. 

 

On the other hand, I realized that friendships require a conscious effort. After moving here I felt that I'm losing the ties with my friends so I started to be more aware and careful about calling them often and now I'm even closer with some of my old friends.

 

How did you guys experience these situations with friends after moving abroad, do you feel like @Calvin77 about it?  Calvin, how did you deal with that? 

[Dioulde]

I believe we are using the word ‘Friends” too easily and maybe too often. Therefore, little by little, it has lost its meaning. We say things like: ‘Oh, she is an old friend from school!’ when actually we mean she used to be in our class; ‘Oh, he is a friend from work!’ when we mean he is a colleague; “Oh she is a friend I met in an event!’ when we mean she is an acquaintance and so on… A true friend is someone who is there for you in the good, bad and ugly times! And not just for the good! We have all experienced the ones around us when all is going smoothly in our lives and we have the means to pay for dinners and drinks…and when suddenly life hits you with a struggle, those ‘ones’ disappear in nature like ninjas! I once read somewhere: ‘ If you murder someone, a true friend will be there with you to hide the body…without asking any questions!’ Now don’t go murder anyone to see if that’s true!! But you get the idea! Someone who is there for you, comes rain or shine! And distance should not be the issue, time in between we meet or speak should not be the issue, longevity of the friendship should not be the issue. Because there is this chemistry, this deep understanding, a deep respect for one other, no judgements, no dramas and lots of laughter! For me, this friendship is real. And like a rare diamond, you cannot have too many!

[Bjoern]

I basically don’t „make“ new friends. It happens naturally if it happens by knowing people with other friends of mine, other parents etc. But to be honest, my best friends are still the ones i have in germany (i left 14 years ago). If something special happens, if good or bad, the first friends i would contact are the ones that know me from early age. I do have good friends here in Barcelona and i totally trust and love them, just the ones i would call best friends are the ones i shared my youth with. That doesn’t mean it has to stay like this neither, but until now this is my experience ;) and i totally call my wife & kids and my parents as best friends too!

[Yvonne]

Friends were always very important to me. However, I also had a hard time to make new ones. Over the years there slipped a lot of friendships, especially like @Calvin77described after moving country. I had a hard time to deal with the situation and questioned myself why I can't hold them. However to be honest I could have done much more to take care of those friendships. Friends are great but they also needed a real emotional and timely effort. Luckily I can say that I still have a few very close friends for years already. But since I'm a mum I'm just to busy to worry about making new friends But this might change again... 

[Rudolph]

Hi, I recently published a kindlebook about 9 principles for happy living.
Give it a try and please leave me a review! 

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07XZBRFL6

 

[Candy]

On 9/19/2019 at 11:01 AM, Rudolph said:

Hi, I recently published a kindlebook about 9 principles for happy living.
Give it a try and please leave me a review! 

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07XZBRFL6

 

Thank you for sharing! I'll check it out ☺️

[Melli]

I don't  know how to make new friends..lol I am working most of the time or when I am off . I am home with my son. Being a mom is a super busy job. Lol

[Stumble64]

I have an illness that makes making friends in real life nigh on impossible. I used to be called a 'loner' when I was younger, which always seemed to suggest it was something I chose. Social anxiety chose me and I've always hated being alone. Now it's got impossible due to a neurological illness that reacts to emotion and anxiety by making my muscles stretch like I'm on one of those old torture racks. 

[Rimps]

I am a friendly person and like meeting new people but I believe in having a small circle of friends which are truly in your close circle. It is easy to get lost and stressed out in all the drama while having a large group of friends. Meeting some amazing people and learning from them is a great way to experience life and learnings. However, sharing your personal life should be kept to very limited number of people. Friends in inner circle should be the ones you trust and value the opinions.

[Strangekiiti]

Hi..

I've recently been reviewing my ability to have and hold friends...I realised I'm not particularly interested in doing the things that my 'friend's' do anymore, like drinking and dating...which has rather left me out in the cold. That I dont mind but others thjnk it's weird and antisocial.  Is it wrong to just do your own thing, but end up spending a significant amount of time alone  I wonder...the more I stay in , the less I want to go out! What do people think, is it damaging to your psyche? 

Thanks!

[Candy]

@Strangekiiti I went through this last year when I stopped drinking. I lost contact with nearly everyone I knew and began spending more and more time alone. I don't think it's ever wrong to do your own thing. You have to do what feels good for you, and if drinking and dating doesn't, then there's no need to hang onto it. The people who are meant to stay, will. It's been well over a year and I still love staying in! I used to be invited to things, but never went ? When people stopped inviting me, I was a bit upset, but quickly realised that I would much rather stay home than go out to loud, smoky places and have a bad time. I guess it just depends on you, really. But I'm also curious to know whether it's damaging to our psyche. Thanks for raising that question.

[Luli]

On 7/29/2019 at 12:32 PM, Calvin77 said:

How important are friends in your life? Do you even need them? This article about the power of friendship suggests you do. As I've moved countries a lot I've found that certain friendships have slipped, but I've also made a few new ones, although it's not always come easy (there are some great ideas on how to make new friends here).  

 

So, how do you make buddies these days? Do you have loads of friends or prefer a small number of quality mates? ?

 

I think it depends on how every single person perceives it. I am finding it very difficult to make new friends since I moved to Edinburgh but it is because I haven't made the effort at all. I love being alone. When I used to be judgemental towards other people it was very easy to make new friends but since I started my own spiritual path and some of my habits has changed like drinking every weekend it started to be hard but it is not something that I am worried about. Of course if I meet people who I can have meaningful conversations they are very welcome to stay in my life otherwise I doubt it. 

[Guest User]

Interesting subject. I totally love being on my own but equally love meeting and hanging out with new people. But like Bjoern, I don't think I "make friends" - I just click with people that then become a friend. 

Some come and go in my life. I guess that some friendships are temporary. Friendships that really matter never fade - even if I've not seen the person  in years. And there's some "friendships" that I look back on and think "what the f*ck was I thinking?!) Some are best left in the past.

Also, different friends seem to play different roles in my life. You know, ones to have a laugh with, others to get practical with ideas, others for that big deep conversation.

 

 

 

[Candy]

I had to come back and share this link that talks about how to make friends as an adult. There are some very good tips, and it's published right here on happiness.com! ? 

[Boyonthepond]

I have a small circle of friends. Mostly people I grew up with. I have several children who keep me busy and I live in an area I'm not from so making new friends isn't something I make an effort. Being recently separated now and again I think it might be nice to make some new friends and maybe meet someone. But then I see some severe character flaws in most folks either at work, on the train, or at the gym and I think no way!! I'd rather be alone with my hobbies than deal with all the nonsense. 

[joanna]

On 8/4/2019 at 3:24 PM, Dioulde said:

I believe we are using the word ‘Friends” too easily and maybe too often. Therefore, little by little, it has lost its meaning. We say things like: ‘Oh, she is an old friend from school!’ when actually we mean she used to be in our class; ‘Oh, he is a friend from work!’ when we mean he is a colleague; “Oh she is a friend I met in an event!’ when we mean she is an acquaintance and so on… A true friend is someone who is there for you in the good, bad and ugly times! And not just for the good! We have all experienced the ones around us when all is going smoothly in our lives and we have the means to pay for dinners and drinks…and when suddenly life hits you with a struggle, those ‘ones’ disappear in nature like ninjas! I once read somewhere: ‘ If you murder someone, a true friend will be there with you to hide the body…without asking any questions!’ Now don’t go murder anyone to see if that’s true!! But you get the idea! Someone who is there for you, comes rain or shine! And distance should not be the issue, time in between we meet or speak should not be the issue, longevity of the friendship should not be the issue. Because there is this chemistry, this deep understanding, a deep respect for one other, no judgements, no dramas and lots of laughter! For me, this friendship is real. And like a rare diamond, you cannot have too many!

❤️❤️ Exactly... cannot agree more.

[leo]

pretty important.

[joanna]

Thank you for being a friend!

[EYC]

It has become more difficult for me to make new friends. I think it's mainly because I am less carefree now than when I was younger. My value of life changes and old friends are hard to keep because our values are no longer the same.

Agree with Kolzo that different friends play different roles in life. It just seem difficult to make new BFF like I used to have in school.

Kinda miss that. But also appreciate how I have different perspective to life now. 

Maybe, it's okay to be different from the people I interact with on a daily basis. 

Maybe, once I learn how to truly get along with myself (flaws and all), I'll be better at getting along with different kinda ppl.

 

[Candy]

12 hours ago, EYC said:

It has become more difficult for me to make new friends. I think it's mainly because I am less carefree now than when I was younger. My value of life changes and old friends are hard to keep because our values are no longer the same.

Agree with Kolzo that different friends play different roles in life. It just seem difficult to make new BFF like I used to have in school.

Kinda miss that. But also appreciate how I have different perspective to life now. 

Maybe, it's okay to be different from the people I interact with on a daily basis. 

Maybe, once I learn how to truly get along with myself (flaws and all), I'll be better at getting along with different kinda ppl.

 

It's definitely ok! EVERYONE is different, and that's the beauty of the world we live in. Finding common ground with a bunch of completely different people... It's both challenging (at times), and beautiful. But just imagine if we were all the same. We all did the same things, wore the same clothing, ate the same food, had the same issues... What good would that do, really? And how BORING would that be? For me, at least! ? Embrace your uniqueness, and be kind, to yourself first, and always.???

[Tine]

On 11/9/2019 at 4:55 AM, Stumble64 said:

I have an illness that makes making friends in real life nigh on impossible. I used to be called a 'loner' when I was younger, which always seemed to suggest it was something I chose. Social anxiety chose me and I've always hated being alone. Now it's got impossible due to a neurological illness that reacts to emotion and anxiety by making my muscles stretch like I'm on one of those old torture racks. 

Wow that's tough. Maybe that's a silly thought: isn't an online community a pretty good place to start? You can share and chat and make friends and they can learn about your illness but also learn to see who you are.

[Tine]

I made a friend a few weeks ago. Not the kind of friend you know since childhood obviously, but someone who lives close by, comes over for tea, we go for walks and such, and friendship needs to start somewhere.
I was wondering whether I am at the right bus stop, and I asked the woman next to me. She didn't speak German but made sure I did get the right bus which happened to be the bus she was taking too. We got out at the same stop and had a quick chat about not knowing anyone yet in the area. That's when I showed her our house and invited her over for tea. She took up the offer a few days later.