Search the Community

Yes, happiness is a choice and not a result of achievements or purchases. Learn how to maintain your happy vibe with these eight tips from Calvin Holbrook. As editor of this happiness magazine, you'd be forgiven for thinking that I leap out of bed each morning after a restful sleep with a grin on my face, full of great intentions for the day ahead. Not so! Indeed, for the main part, for me, happiness is a choice rather than my natural state of being. In fact, like all of us, I’m not happy all the time (let’s face it, that would just be weird). In reality, for me, authentic happiness doesn't signify a lack of negative feelings such as sadness and pain, but an ability to experience a wide spectrum of emotions while managing to appreciate – and stay focused on – the positive things that I do have in my life. According to psychologist Sonja Lyubomirsky, roughly 50 per cent of our natural happiness level is genetically determined (our so-called happiness set point). I believe my own happiness set point started out lower down the scale, but, with work, I’ve managed to boost it because – over time and consistently – I’ve made the choice to be happy, even when my life circumstances and situation were telling me otherwise. Choosing to be happy is a constant effort, and to be honest, it’s not something that comes naturally. In fact, I’ve had to train myself to think happy. Indeed, like millions of us, I’ve struggled with periods of depression and anxiety, had to live with periods of debilitating panic attacks or episodes of rumination that have beaten my mental health and happiness down. Along the way, I’ve learned that these problems should not define me or my mood. Indeed, I can still see happiness as a choice, but it requires focus and effort to stay positive (and, of course, professional help or medication when appropriate). Happiness fuels success, not vice versa Most people go through life thinking that happiness is something that happens to them as a result of success or something good happening, for example, getting a pay rise or getting 100 new likes on their latest Instagram post. Indeed, large parts of the population don’t realize that happiness is a choice, and instead go through the motions in life, waiting for joy to pop up and slap them in the face! Stay smiling: make the choice to be happy However, science shows that this type of instant gratification doesn’t really make us happy (not in the long-term, anyway). In fact, there is no magic pill to finding happiness. However, there is one thing that is required to boost well-being, and that is work. Work? Ugh! I’m afraid so. Because happiness is a choice, it needs to be worked at consistently, with effort, care and dedication on your behalf. • JOIN US! Sign-up free now to access online courses in our Academy • In fact, I believe the root to happiness is in the work you put into it. You have to commit to being happy, prioritize it, focus on it, and remain disciplined as much as possible, even in those dark and difficult days – especially on those dark days! If happiness is a choice, how can I work on it? It sounds staggering, but it’s reported that we make around 35,000 remotely conscious decisions every single day. From seemingly inconsequential stuff about choosing what to eat and what clothes to wear, to bigger things like who to love, how to spend our free time, whether to move city or quit the job we feel stuck in. Some of our choices turn out to be great and others not so. What they have in common though is that all of these choices are based in our deep desire to be happy. These choices make up part of our ‘life activity’. As mentioned earlier, genetics make up roughly half of happiness levels. The remainder depends on our circumstances (10 per cent) and this so-called ‘life activity’ (40 per cent). "Happiness is a choice, not a result. Nothing will make you happy until you choose to be happy.” Ralph Marston While we cannot always control our circumstances, we do have more control over our life activity. And if that life activity is said to be responsible for almost 40 per cent of our happiness, we can focus on making better choices here to increase our happiness levels. In fact, we can even make choosing happiness as one life choice! OK, I hear what you might be thinking: all of this is easier said than done. Life is tough. Shit happens. Stuff gets in the way. True, there are many challenging things that we will experience in life and we know that the only certainty is change, so we will always face upheavals. This doesn't mean that all of life is bad, it just means that life is not easy. But happiness does not come from your circumstances or your situation. Happiness comes from a choice that you make within. Learning how to choose happiness I’ve had to train my brain to choose happiness, even when my circumstances suggested the opposite. I believe I’ve boosted my natural happiness set point by carrying out specific ‘feel happier’ activities. If you're struggling to find the root of happiness, incorporate these eight science-backed tips into your daily life and you may start to feel happier. Stick at it, put in the hard work, and you should see results. 1. Choose gratitude and look on the bright side No matter how bad life seems, there’s always something positive you can find to focus on. It could be the fact you have a place to live, friends and family that love you, have clothes to wear, or even that you have eyes to see and legs to walk with. There are millions of people in the world that don't have some of these things. RELATED: 5 benefits of gratitude practice Since happiness is a choice, start finding things in your life that you're grateful for. It could also be seemingly small, general things that we often take for granted, such as the smell of cut grass, the sound of the ocean, etc. Writing these things down in a gratitude journal helps to solidify your happiness further. Try jotting down three good things about every day: studies have shown that doing this increases optimism, reduces anxiety, and chemically changes the brain to be more positive. 2. Choose to think positively Try to live by the ‘every cloud has a silver lining’ anecdote. Focusing on positive thoughts and trying to reducing negative thinking is easier said than done, but give the following technique a try. Each time you have a negative thought, simply replace it with a positive one. This practice will help to retrain your habitual thought patterns to bring more positive thoughts and happiness into your life. Changing perspective on your situation will help you find happiness. If you’ve made a mistake – however big – try to focus on your past achievements instead, actually visualizing your previous successes and happy times. 3. Choose to smile Turn that frown upside down! One of the most important figures in the fields of mindfulness and meditation, Thích Nhất Hạnh once wrote, “Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy.”’ Indeed, studies have shown that smiling and other external expressions work as a continual feedback loop, helping to reinforce our internal emotions. A study by scientists at the University of Kansas found that making yourself smile can help lower your heart rate during stressful activities. So, smiling even when we feel down will gradually makes us feel happier (and healthier). Try smiling at strangers, too: as well as being a choice, happiness is also contagious. Grin gains: force a smile and choose to feel happier 4. Choose kindness When you choose to do kinds acts for other people, so-called happiness hormones are released, boosting your serotonin, the neurotransmitter responsible for feelings of well-being and satisfaction. Endorphin levels also rise, leading to a phenomenon known as a 'helper’s high’. • JOIN US! Discover more tips on happiness with our open and inspired community • Another physical benefit of kindness is that it can help to lower anxiety. Social anxiety is associated with low positive affect (PA), which relates to an individual’s experience of positive moods such as joy, interest, and alertness. A four-week study on happiness from the University of British Columbia found that participants who engaged in kind acts displayed major increases in their PA levels that were maintained during the study duration. 5. Choose meaningful relationships/interactions Research shows that happier people have rewarding social relationships. Indeed, we humans are a social species and need regular contact. In fact, loneliness is proven to decrease levels of happiness and recent studies show it can be as harmful to mortality as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. So, to make a happiness a choice, choose quality friendships. In fact, even a short positive interaction with a stranger can contribute to you feeling happier. 6. Choose to be more mindful Mindfulness meditation is an easy way to try to increase your happiness levels. Start your day with just 10-15 minutes of meditation, shortly after waking: the immediate heightened inner clarity and focus it will give you will set you up for what’s ahead. Many studies have shown that mediation can boost happiness levels by reducing stress hormones, shrinking the part of the brain that controls anxiety, and by stopping rumination, amongst other things. “No matter how bad life seems, there’s always something positive you can find to focus on. Since happiness is a choice, start finding things in your life that you’re grateful for.” And, according to Psychology Today, meditation is the strongest mental practice that has the power to reset your happiness set point, thus turning you into a more joyful person and literally rewiring major areas in your brain so you can feel happier. 7. Choose a purpose Meaningfulness is a happy factor that you can extend into your whole life. Whether it's volunteering, gardening, or becoming politically active, activities with a purpose have been shown to boost people's happiness and reduce stress levels at the same time. A study from the Annals of Behavioral Medicine found that people who took part in such activities became 34 per cent less stressed and 18 per cent less sad. 8. Choose to be satisfied Ex-US President Theodore Roosevelt once said, “comparison is the thief of joy.” And in today’s Insta-ready society this rings true more than ever. In a social media savvy world, flaunting your money, travels and other supposed successes or happiness is all too common, especially with the younger generation. However, if happiness is a choice, then comparing yourself to other people will only result in unhappiness. Rate your mates: quality friendships bring happiness In fact, data from a 2010 survey of 19,000 Europeans showed that those who compared their incomes to others were less happy with what they had. The comparisons that were most damaging to happiness were when people compared their incomes to those of school and university friends (even though we know that money can’t buy happiness, right?) Choose to be satisfied with what you have and stop comparing your life to that of others: reduce the time you spend scrolling through social media. Conclusions: why happiness is a choice Abraham Lincoln is famously quoted as saying, “Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.” And he was right. Happiness is a choice but also a daily practice that requires time, effort and dedication. By carrying out our suggestions above, you should hopefully start to see some benefits. But, if you still fail to feel happy, take time to think through your actions. Are you doing the things you need to choose happiness or are you letting your emotions take control? If you’re trying to feel happier and you remain down or struggling with depression, consult with your GP or therapist to seek professional help. Happiness is a choice and choosing help is a also a great step to getting started if you’re feeling blocked. • Choosing happiness becomes easier when you have the right tools to help you. Sign up free to happiness.com today to access our online Academy and share and support others in our forums. happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up free to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine ■ share and support in our happiness forum ■ develop with free online Academy courses Gratitude | Thich Nhat Hanh | Purpose of Life Written by Calvin Holbrook Calvin edits the happiness magazine, as well being an artist and lover of travel, swimming, yoga, dancing to house/techno, and all things vintage! Find out more.

An often invisible illness, diagnosing quiet borderline personality disorder isn't easy. Luckily, the treatment for this condition can be, as psychologist Stanislava Puač Jovanović explains... I have known a few people with borderline personality disorder (BPD) in my life. I can say with certainty that they suffered — as did those close to them. However, thanks to the explosive nature of the disorder, however unpleasant it may be, BPD did not stay hidden. Some of them were diagnosed and received treatment. More importantly, they learned to understand the nature of their unpredictable emotions and reactions. I probably also know a few people with quiet borderline personality disorder (QBPD). Unfortunately, I cannot say that I know who they are. Are they aware that what they are going through is a disorder? Quite possibly not. Do their loved ones understand what is happening? They might not have a clue. That's because quiet borderline personality disorder is a difficult but often invisible ordeal. As this article will make clear, it bears the burden of the BPD. Still, it stays concealed — often even from the affected person themselves. Yet, the moment you understand QBPD and its manifestations, the path towards treatment opens. So, what is quiet borderline personality disorder? What is quiet borderline personality disorder and how is it diagnosed? Before we can hope to understand quiet borderline personality disorder, we need to grasp the concept of a personality disorder as such. Unlike some other mental disorders that come and go, personality disorders are usually enduring. One of the criteria for diagnosis states: “The impairments in personality functioning and the individual’s personality trait expression are relatively stable across time and consistent across situations.” Personality disorders are pervasive, unchanging, and present at least from adolescence. They form an inner experience and behaviour pattern deviant from a person’s cultural norms. “A person affected by quiet borderline personality disorder aims hostility and anger at themselves. Feeling sombre and dejected is often mixed with a buried feeling of anger and disappointment towards others.” In other words, it seems to be the structure of the individual’s personality that is affected. A personality disorder is apparent throughout life and across different contexts. A person who is, for example, narcissistic will act that way at work, in love, with family and strangers. Those who know them will tell you that it is how they have been forever. What is borderline personality disorder? QBPD is a variation of BPD. Therefore, we need to be clear on what the disorder entails. Borderline personality disorder is a syndrome of disordered functioning in relationship to oneself and others. To meet the diagnostic criteria, the affected person has to manifest the following symptoms: Impairments in self-functioning. They can be unsure of who they are as a person. They might feel empty inside and succumb to excessive self-criticism. Sometimes, goals, aspirations and career plans are unstable. A person with BPD keeps changing their direction in life. Impairments in interpersonal functioning. They lack empathy or have severe problems in establishing meaningful close relationships. Being emotionally unstable, anxious, depressive, or fearing rejection and separation. Disinhibition, meaning that they are highly impulsive and often take excessive risks. Hostility, anger, and irritability. Subtypes of BPD The current classification of mental disorders does not divide the BPD into subtypes. Nonetheless, the official criteria could be combined differently. As a result, individuals with BPD are often very unalike. This is probably one of the reasons why borderline personality disorder has long been notoriously under-detected and misdiagnosed in clinical practice. Aiming hostility at oneself is a sign of QBPD shutterstock/airdone It is also why many popular psychology authors voiced their opinion about the subtypes of BPD. Some scholars and practitioners also argue that borderline personality disorder should be divided into three subtypes based on the dominant cognitive mechanisms in their foundations. A 2017 study determined three clusters of BPD patients with distinct profiles: Most patients were those with the “core BPD” features, that is, typical borderline personalities. A second “Extravert/externalising” subtype was characterised by high levels of histrionic, narcissistic, and antisocial features. A third, smaller subtype had schizotypal and paranoid features — therefore, it is named “Schizotypal/paranoid”. Million and Davis have proposed, based on extensive professional expertise in the realm of personality disorders, that there are four subtypes of BPD: Discouraged or “quiet” borderline Impulsive borderline Petulant borderline Self-destructive borderline So, what are the symptoms of the quiet BPD subtype? Symptoms of QBPD Most professionals and laypeople would think of someone with BPD as an explosive, violent and hostile person. An unpredictable and impulsive human ticking bomb. However, it appears that there are those affected by the disorder whose suffering remains largely invisible. In quiet borderline personality disorder, all the symptoms of the BPD are directed inwards. According to Million and Davis, a person affected by quiet borderline personality disorder aims the borderline hostility and anger at oneself. They might act clingy and form codependent relationships. Feeling sombre and dejected is often mixed with a buried feeling of anger and disappointment towards others. However, they do not let it show. Their anger is more likely to be manifested as self-harm and suicide attempts than aggression towards others. Could you be living with QPBD? Here are some of the signs that suggest you could be living with quiet borderline personality disorder: You are very good at hiding your true emotions. You present a composed façade at all times. You might not even be able to recognise or describe your feelings correctly (alexithymia), so they fester inside. You are high-functioning and successful; a perfectionistic even. When emotional pain becomes too much to bear, you detach from the world and your inner experiences. You may feel like you were in a dream or a movie, unable to feel connected. You may be a people-pleaser. You need to be liked, and you yearn for appreciation from those you fall for. You experience bouts of anxiety at the slightest sign of disapproval. Your buttons are easily pushed around other people. You know that you are prone to feeling hurt, insulted or humiliated. To prevent it, you might prefer distancing yourself from others. You might be putting people into one of the two categories — they are either impeccable or atrocious. It is a mechanism called “splitting” or polarised thinking. You might be so profoundly afraid of being abandoned that you avoid getting close to others altogether. It protects you from hurt. You tend to feel irrational guilt and self-loathing. For this reason, you could be at risk of engaging in self-harming behaviour, including having suicidal thoughts. (If this is the case, please reach out to any local service or organisation that deals with mental health to help you get your way out of that dark path). Your priorities and interests change erratically. Your commitment changes on a day-to-day basis. Be it a project, a hobby, or a person, QBPD comes with a lack of consistency in dedication. You seem utterly devoted to something, only for it to fall into oblivion in the next moment. You crave control and order. Situations in which you do not know what to say or do make you feel uneasy. In effect, you are not living spontaneously. Where does the difference between the typical BPD and the quiet variant come from? One possible explanation is Lynch and colleagues’ work on undercontrol versus overcontrol in clinical settings. In short, the majority of those affected by BPD (the typical syndrome) are undercontrolled. They are impulsive, erratic and dysregulated. Nonetheless, some people are overcontrolled; meaning that they are reserved, hard to engage, seemingly emotionally flat. Yet, their inner world is as tempestuous as that of the undercontrolled individuals. Treatment for QBPD At this point, we return to the statement made in the introduction. Unfortunately, the quiet variant of BPD is even more undetected compared to BPD as a whole. Why? It is simple — people living with the condition do not let it show. They rarely (if ever) seek help. They overcontrol. Why can't I make friends? How to help someone having a panic attack What is an introvert hangover? Nonetheless, even if it feels unnatural, if you recognise the symptoms mentioned above, it is vital for you to reach out. And if someone you know seems to be affected by QBPD, try pointing them out towards learning about the disorder and getting professional help to deal with it. “Unfortunately, the quiet variant of BPD is even more undetected compared to BPD as a whole. Why? It is simple — people living with the condition do not let it show. They rarely (if ever) seek help.” Unfortunately, not enough is understood about QBPD to determine which psychotherapy modality would work best. The following approaches were scientifically explored and are used in clinical practice for the treatment of BPD. In addition to psychotherapy, medication is sometimes prescribed. 1. Cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT) The basic principle of CBT is to work on modifying the thinking and behavioural patterns that are unhelpful and perpetuate the disorder. According to a systematic review of 45 studies, CBT is beneficial in treating personality disorders in general — and BPD in particular. The findings of another study confirmed that CBT could help decrease the symptoms, distress, anxiety, suicide ideation and dysfunctional beliefs typical of BPD. Quiet Borderline Personality Disorder can be treated 2. Dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT) DBT is one of the CBT modalities. It was developed specifically to treat BPD. In 2016 it was still the only empirically supported treatment for BPD. It targets the unstable sense of self, chaotic relationships, fear of abandonment, emotional lability and impulsivity (such as self-injurious behaviours). During the therapeutic process, the clients develop skills such as mindfulness, interpersonal effectiveness, emotion regulation, and distress tolerance. 3. Radically Open Dialectical Behavioural Therapy (RO-DBT) The previous two modalities are implemented in treating BPD in general. The quiet variant could also benefit from them, given that the core issues are shared across the syndrome. However, RO-DBT was developed specifically for disorders of overcontrol. The authors designed it to address difficult-to-treat mental health conditions. And yes, QBPD is difficult to treat. The approach focuses on developing mental flexibility, openness, healthy emotional expression and social connectedness. Take control over your QBPD Living with a quiet borderline personality disorder is not an easy thing to do. BPD is known to cause severe problems in the person’s relationship with themselves and the world. When you keep all those BPD emotions and thoughts within, pushing through the day can sometimes feel like Sisyphus work. I will not pretend quiet borderline personality disorder will go away in the blink of an eye for the sake of pep talk. However, you can learn to develop a psychologically healthier way of being. Adequate support and treatment can teach you how to rebuild your view of the world. With a change in your mindset, you can nurture close relationships with others based on empathy and respect. Although every personality disorder is a persistent companion, it does not have to determine your future. All you need to do is take one simple step now. Open yourself up to a fuller and richer life. Reach out. • Main image: shutterstock/Olga W Boeva happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Join free now and: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine ■ share and support in our happiness forum ■ Develop with free online Academy classes Authenticity | Empathy | Communication skills Written by Stanislava Puač Jovanović Stanislava Puač Jovanović has a master’s degree in psychology and works as a freelance writer and researcher in this area. Her primary focus is on questions relating to mental health, stress-management, self-development and well-being.

Relaxing, fun, mood-enhancing: most of us have enjoyed the short-term benefits of drinking alcohol. But as Dee Marques discovers, many more of us are now choosing to quit alcohol all together due to the mental and physical health gains of living a teetotal life... You know that warm, fuzzy feeling that comes after having had a few? It can sometimes be hard to say no to the de-stressing effect alcohol, especially after a tough day – or a tough year. Truth is, moderate alcohol consumption has been proven to have a calming or even sedative effect. And that’s precisely why many people have made drinking alcohol a part of their daily routine. The problem is that there’s a fine line between 'moderate' and 'excessive', and in many countries, excessive drinking isn’t just tolerated, but also encouraged. For example, countries like the US and the UK are known for their drinking culture, since the consumption of alcohol is built into socialising. Indeed, in the UK, it’s estimated that nearly 25 per cent of adults drink more than the recommended daily units, and binge drinking is still a reality for 27 per cent of the population. And in the US, data show that 25 per cent of people over 18 engaged in binge drinking in the month before being interviewed. • JOIN US! Need support? Sign-up to happiness.com and join a community that cares • Recent lockdowns and pandemic-related stress have driven even more people to regular drinking, or to increasing the amounts of alcohol they consume. In a UK survey from July 2020, a third of the people admitted to having increased both the frequency and the amount of alcohol they drank during the country's first lockdown. However, there has also been a shift in attitudes to drinking. Since the mid-2000s, alcohol consumption has been falling, especially among the younger generations. In fact, Brits aged 65 and above are the heaviest drinkers, while 20 per cent of all adults claim to be non-drinkers, with those aged 16 to 24 being the largest group of teetotalers. “One of the greatest benefits of being teetotal is that your body builds its natural defences against disease. Quitting alcohol can reduce the risk of developing diabetes as well as cancer.” Also, the low-alcohol or alcohol-free beer and wine market is growing, which suggests a trend towards moderation. Sober September was created a while back to help more people experience the benefits of teetotal living. Need reasons to join the challenge? Here are some. Reasons to stop drinking To understand the benefits of teetotal living, we first need to know the consequences alcohol has on mind and body. The effects vary from person to person, depending on their age, health condition and tolerance to alcohol. But the effects exist, and they include: Physical short-term effects: Headaches Poor coordination, perception and reaction times Slurred speech and blurred vision. Nausea and vomiting. Drowsiness. Long-term effects can include: Hepatitis and cirrhosis. Heart disease and stroke. Cognitive problems affecting learning ability, blackouts and brain damage. Being teetotal means hangovers are a thing of the past shutterstock/Marcos Mesa Sam Wordley There are also mental health issues linked to frequent alcohol consumption, which include mood swings, disrupted sleep patterns, irritability and depression. Plus, frequent drinking is also felt in your wallet. The average UK family spends nearly £1,000 a year in booze, whereas some studies say the lifetime cost of drinking is approximately £50,000. In view of the disadvantages, it’s time to weigh the costs against the benefits of being teetotal. Nine long-term benefits of being teetotal The benefits of being teetotal are scientifically proven and include: 1. Improved sleep quality That night cap before bed is not as effective as it may seem. Instant relaxation is often followed by frequent awakenings through the night, since alcohol disrupts the sleep cycle by interfering with the hormones that regulate it. Once you remove that interference, you’re more likely to enjoy a full night of rest, although a third of heavy drinkers struggle with insomnia when they quit as part of the withdrawal process. But the struggle is worth it and we’ve written about the benefits of deep sleep meditation to help you get through this. 2. More energy Poor sleep and waking up feeling tired set the mood for the rest of the day. Quit alcohol to experience improved energy levels, which can also motivate you to achieve goals you had set aside just because you were too tired. 3. Clearer skin Alcohol interferes with the absorption of nutrients and can damage gut health. Once you quit, you give your digestive system a boost so it processes all vitamins and nutrients, which is reflected in skin health. And because alcohol causes dehydration, one of the benefits of being teetotal is a healthier and more youthful complexion. 4. Healthier weight When I started exercising regularly, I was surprised at how much my trainer emphasised that better and faster results would come if I didn’t drink alcohol at all. After all, alcoholic drinks are just empty calories responsible for abdominal obesity since they keep the body busy digesting those calories instead of burning fat. Quitting booze can you help make better food choices, as a study found that people are more likely to go for fatty foods after drinking. “Poor sleep and waking up feeling tired set the mood for the rest of the day. Quit alcohol to experience improved energy levels.” This handy calculator shows how much money and calories you could save if you gave up your usual alcohol intake. The figures can be quite shocking, even if you only have three or four alcoholic drinks per week, as in my case. It definitely makes you consider the benefits of being teetotal. 5. Better focus Being alcohol-free can improve cognitive abilities, from decision making to problem solving and enhanced concentration. This type of focus can also help get in touch with your creative side, which has health benefits in its own right. 6. Better mood Alcohol disrupts several mood-regulating hormones. Once you hormonal profile is stable, you’re less prone to depressive symptoms. Moreover, you can gain self-confidence knowing you have control over your mood and don’t need alcohol to feel better. Cutting out alcohol is a mood-booster shutterstock/Cookie Studio 7. Improved liver function We’ve already said that alcohol takes its toll on the liver. This is one of the body’s most important organs, since it supports the digestive system, is responsible for processing nutrients and eliminating toxins. Over the years, even moderate drinking can affect the liver’s ability to function. • JOIN US! Sign-up free to happiness.com and share your story and challenges • Fortunately, the liver can repair itself once it’s given a break from alcohol. It’s generally agreed that going alcohol-free for a month while eating healthily and exercising can help boost liver function. 8. Reduced risk of disease One of the greatest benefits of being teetotal is that your body builds its natural defences against disease. Studies show that quitting alcohol can reduce the risk of developing diabetes as well as various types of cancer and heart disease. 9. Connect with your true strong self Drinking is the go-to coping mechanism for many people. But is it really a good strategy? Resorting to alcohol to feel better could actually be getting in the way of your self-development. On the other hand, one of the benefits of teetotal living is that it may prompt you to dig deep into the resources you already have or could have to become stronger in the face of adversity. 30 days to experience the benefits of teetotal living Being alcohol-free can help your body function at its best, reduce the risk of disease and contribute to a more stable mood. I don’t drink much, but I’m curious about what would happen if I didn’t drink at all. So, as it's Sober September, I’ll be trying to stay alcohol-free to experience the benefits of living a teetotal life. Will you join me? • Main image: shutterstock/wavebreakmedia happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practice, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free now to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ self-develop with free online classes in our happiness Academy Gut health | Healthy habits | Anxiety Written by Dee Marques A social sciences graduate with a keen interest in languages, communication, and personal development strategies. Dee loves exercising, being out in nature, and discovering warm and sunny places where she can escape the winter.

The ringing in the ears associated with tinnitus can dramatically impact on a person's quality of life. However, as Calvin Holbrook suggests, there are many ways you can cope with tinnitus. Here are ten practical ideas based on his own experience. Writing this now, with my Spotify Peaceful Piano Playlist gently playing soothing background music, I can still hear a high-pitched hissing noise in both of my ears. It's there all of the time; never goes away. Usually, it's a single, constant whirring noise. At other times it changes pitch or other sounds pop in and fade out again. And while the ringing in my ears often varies, currently my ability to cope with tinnitus largely remains unchanged. But it wasn't always like this. Rewind one year ago and things were very different. I'd had temporary bursts over tinnitus over the past decade: I'd suddenly hear high-pitched noises but they would then fade down to zero again within a few seconds. However, one day, that familiarly shrill noise came in but didn't stop: I was now living with chronic tinnitus and would (probably) have to learn how to cope with it for the rest of my life. I can clearly still recall the fresh hell of developing chronic tinnitus after a period of extended stress: the realization it will probably never go away; trying everything to drown out the sound; the sleepless nights, trying (yet failing) to focus on work. Unfortunately, in addition to developing tinnitus I also experienced hyperacusis, a condition in which your ears become super sensitive to sound. Listening to someone handle cutlery or plates was enough to send me over the edge. When tinnitus first becomes chronic, your brain immediately switches into alarm mode, imaging the internal noise as harmful or dangerous. Furthermore, focusing on anything else apart from the ringing seems like an impossible task. Like me, you may experience panic, anxiety, depression and anger as you try to cope with tinnitus symptoms. You may think to yourself: ’why me?’ And you will probably ask yourself many other questions about your tinnitus too: ‘Will it ever stop?’ ‘Will it get louder?’ ‘Am I going deaf?’ ‘Am I stuck with this for the rest of my life?’ Tinnitus: things will get better While it all feels pretty dark in the beginning, I'm here to tell you that there is hope on the horizon and that living with tinnitus is possible. Indeed, if you've recently been struck down with tinnitus and are struggling to cope, please be assured: you should see improvements with time and start to feel better mentally about it. However, if you're currently feeling like it’s an emergency or having dark/suicidal thoughts, please seek help ASAP from your healthcare provider. You can learn techniques to help you cope with tinnitus The hyper-alert state you experience with tinnitus can last many weeks or months. However, day by day your brain begins to get used to the strange new sounds you're hearing and will gradually begin to get used to them. This process is called 'habituation' and just knowing that it will happen naturally can help you to learn to deal with your tinnitus. Indeed, I – and millions others across the world – are proof of that. A year after being diagnosed with chronic tinnitus I am coping with it much better. Of course, like everyone else I have good and bad days (so-called tinnitus 'spikes' – increases or drastic changes in pitch/loudness – can be a challenge), but my condition currently doesn’t impact on my happiness to a great extent. Coping with tinnitus: 10 techniques It's important to point out that the internal sounds those of us living with tinnitus experience are all different. Although the level of my ringing is bothersome, it is not unbearable. This may change in the future. I've read stories of people that experience ringing at extremely high sound levels: that, of course, must make the condition more challenging and impact on a person's ability to cope with tinnitus. However, whatever type of tinnitus you are experiencing, there are many practical steps you can take to cope with tinnitus and make it less intrusive in your life. Here are 10 tips to get you started. 1. Accept it The first step in coping with tinnitus lies in acceptance of the condition. However, this is often easier said than done in the beginning. As much as you may want to fight against the ringing in your ears – especially during those first traumatic weeks or months – doing so will only lead to disappointment and frustration. While some people experience temporary tinnitus because of trauma to the head or an ear infection, those of us with chronic tinnitus are usually stuck with the noises for life (saying that, there have been cases where people's tinnitus appears to have vanished). Accepting your condition is essential for you to be able to deal with tinnitus. Essentially, you first need to know if your tinnitus is temporary or chronic and if you have any hearing damage. Visit a high street ophthalmologist or ask your GP to refer you to an ear, nose and throat (ENT) specialist. 2. Relaxation The anxiety you feel when first getting tinnitus is to be expected but it will only make you feel more stressed, and, in turn, exacerbate tinnitus. Indeed, it's believed that stress really impacts on tinnitus, so it’s important that you reduce any stressors in your life to keep tinnitus levels in check. In fact, many people living with tinnitus use their condition as a barometer of their stress levels – if their tinnitus appears to be worsening, it’s a signal something in their life is out of balance. “Many people coping with tinnitus use it as a barometer of stress – if their tinnitus appears to be worsening, it’s a signal something is out of balance.” Relaxation is obviously a key way to combat stress and therefore improve how you deal with tinnitus. Practising meditation and conscious breathing exercises are practical and simple tools you can use to immediately reduce anxiety and stress. Incorporate both into your daily routine to feel the benefits. Also, be sure to spend as much time in nature as possible. As well as the relaxation and proven mental health benefits of forest bathing, the sounds of nature help to soothe that pesky tinnitus ringing. The crashing of waves; the rustling of branches and leaves, bird song – the many noises of nature offer your ears and brain a calming distraction. Sea sounds help to mask tinnitus noise shutterstock/Monkey Business Images 3. Practising mindfulness Making mindfulness a part of your daily routine is one of the best things you can do when it comes to coping with tinnitus. Mindfulness won't make tinnitus go away, but it aims to make it less intrusive. Indeed, mindfulness teaches us how to live with difficulties such as tinnitus, without having to fight or change them. Practising mindfulness can help us help us to develop a better relationship with our tinnitus, aiding the habituation process. RELATED: Mindful behaviour – 13 practical mindfulness tools In 2017 the British Tinnitus Assoctiation published two research papers that showed that mindfulness-based cognitive therapy (MBCT) is an effective treatment for those people living with distressing tinnitus. The results showed that tinnitus patients undergoing MBCT were associated with significant, reliable and ongoing improvements in their tinnitus-related and emotional distress. Luckily, mindfulness is something we can all practise by ourselves and for free. It involves paying complete and mindful attention to whatever we're doing in the moment: breathing, eating, showering, walking or noticing the physical sensations in our body, for example. We have some great mindfulness tips you can incorporate into your daily routine to help you to become less focused on your tinnitus. 4. Finding your flow Personally, experiencing ‘flow’ is the most efficient way to cope with my own tinnitus. 'Flow' is that state in which you are so totally absorbed and engaged in an activity that you enjoy that time seems to stand still. For example, I find my flow when I'm making an artwork or editing an article. RELATED: Flow state and happiness Sometimes my attention is so focused in the state of flow that it can seem like my tinnitus has stopped (for a while at least!). Flow is really an act of mindfulness, and as outlined above, mindfulness is one of the scientifically-proven best ways to deal with tinnitus. 5. Staying busy Finding your flow is one of the best ways to deal with your tinnitus as it helps to shift your awareness to something other than the internal noises you are dealing with. Similarly, I find that staying busy – in a non-stressful way of course – keeps my focus off of my tinnitus so it’s easier to cope with. Sitting around in silence is when tinnitus may start to bother you the most, so staying active and on-the-go helps to keep it stop dominating your mind. 6. Exercising with yoga OK, we all know the drill about exercise: it boosts your physical and mental health, helping to lift depression and anxiety (which you could be more vulnerable to if you are living with tinnitus). Exercise also combats against stress which, as explained above, is a major influencing factor when it comes to tinnitus levels. Yoga, in particular, is an exercise that has been found to help people cope better with tinnitus. A small 2018 study from Mersin University in Turkey indicated that practising yoga may reduce life stress and symptoms of tinnitus. Researchers followed 12 participants who practised guided yoga over three months involving poses, breathing exercises and meditations. The researchers hypothesized that because tinnitus symptoms are often linked to stress, and because yoga is stress-relieving, yoga may help decrease symptoms for patients living with chronic tinnitus. “Good sleep is essential when it comes to coping with tinnitus. Our bodies need sleep to heal and recover. When I have a bad night’s rest my tinnitus always seems louder the following day.” Elsewhere, Polish researchers conducted a similar study in 2019. It followed 25 patients with chronic tinnitus through 12 weeks of yoga training. The researchers identified that participants benefitted most from improved sense of control over tinnitus, lessened intrusiveness, improved quality of life and better sleep. The last point of improved sleep is important (as we shall see next). Importantly, whatever exercise you choose to do, working out will help to tire your body and lead to an increased chance of falling asleep quickly. Yoga is a perfect way to shift awareness shutterstock/Ulza 7. Prioritising good sleep Good sleep is essential when it comes to coping with tinnitus. Our bodies need sleep to heal and recover. When I have a bad night’s rest, my tinnitus always seems louder the following day. However – as you will no doubt know – sometimes falling asleep can be difficult for those of us with chronic tinnitus. That’s because tinnitus appears to sound worse at night – there are fewer external noises to mask the internal sounds, so we may have 'external' silence but have to put up with our 'internal' noises. RELATED: 14 sleep hacks to get a good night's rest One thing I love to do to help shift awareness from my tinnitus when going to bed is follow a body scan meditation script. Gradually tensing and releasing different body parts and feeling the sensations it brings directs your thoughts away from your tinnitus and to those other places in your body. You can also find ways to externally ‘mask’ your tinnitus sounds at night to help you drift off more easily. In my first few months of living with chronic tinnitus, I used mobile apps such as the excellent T-Minus to play 'white noise' such as rain sound, which works wonders balancing out my high-pitched tinnitus. There are also plenty of great YouTube videos of rain sounds that you can play in the background while you're in bed. 8. Exploring masking Sound-masking devices such as the apps mentioned above provide an external noise that partially drowns out the internal ringing of tinnitus. As well as using apps you can also try: having calming piano music on in the background leaving a fan or the TV on opening a window to let in some external noise Furthermore, if you have hearing loss in addition to tinnitus, there are now hearing aids with inbuilt white noise generators which help many with the condition cope with tinnitus symptoms. Whatever masking method you choose, always set the volume of the device a notch lower than the perceived sound of your tinnitus – you don’t want to drown out the sound completely or you may find it harder to habituate. 9. Talking to someone It’s important to remember that you don’t have to cope with tinnitus alone. As the number of people who live with persistent tinnitus is thought to be around 13 per cent, there’s a chance someone in your close circle is going through the same thing. Open up to family members and friends, or put your thoughts out on social media if you feel comfortable sharing your tinnitus story – you may be surprised by the responses. However, friends and family may not be able to support you unless they have experienced tinnitus themselves, so they may not realise how distressing tinnitus can be (or even know what it is). If this is the case, do connect with someone who has dealt with tinnitus themselves in order to get the help you need. In the UK there are tinnitus support groups up and down the country where you can meet in person to discuss living well with tinnitus. “Tinnitus can dramatically impact on your quality of life and can be hard to adapt to. However, as with everything in life, we can choose how we react to it.” The internet is also full of tinnitus support groups and forums such as the excellent TinnitusTalk forum which is full of useful and insightful threads. However, do so with caution! Be careful when browsing for tinnitus help online as you will come across many dubious ads for methods or items claiming to stop or cure tinnitus. Unfortunately there is no cure for tinnitus, so please don't waste your money. Finally, if you prefer a friendly voice in real time, the British Tinnitus Association offers a confidential tinnitus helpline. You can call its team for support. 10. Exploring your tinnitus This final suggestion may seem like the last thing you want to do, but it actually brings us right back to the first tinnitus coping tip of 'acceptance'. Depending on your personal tinnitus noise level, you may find it beneficial to employ some mindfulness techniques and simply sit with your tinnitus for a while. Try to listen to it with curiosity and without judgement. Take some time to observe your tinnitus and ask yourself some questions about it. Does your tinnitus noise level stay the same or does it get louder or quieter? Does it stay at the same pitch or do you hear new sounds come in and out? Does it sound the same in your left and right side? If you feel comfortable and ready for this type of exercise, you can even sit and meditate on your tinnitus, bringing all your attention to the sounds and your breathing. Exploring your tinnitus in this way may seem difficult if you've bee recently diagnosed with the condition, but realizing that tinnitus is just 'there' and cannot harm you can help you to cope with its day-to-day symptoms. The takeaway: dealing with tinnitus Tinnitus can dramatically impact on your quality of life and can be hard to adapt to. However, as with everything in life, we can choose how we react to it. If we fight against our tinnitus, we are more likely to struggle. But, if we learn to accept it and live with it, habituation to tinnitus can become easier. Whatever type of sounds you experience – hissing, whistling, humming or buzzing – by following the ten tips above, coping with tinnitus should become easier. Hopefully, as is the case with myself, tinnitus will just become another part of your life, and not a dominating factor. • Main image: shutterstock/aleks333 happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ learn with free online classes in our Academy Resilience | Gratitude | Self-care Written by Calvin Holbrook Calvin edits the happiness magazine, makes gay artwork and loves swimming, yoga, dancing to house/techno, and all things vintage! Find out more.

Is it possible to look at happiness in terms of the choices we make every day? Sonia Vadlamani explains how long-lasting happiness largely stems from making consistently conscious choices. Incorporate these 12 happy habits in to your daily routine and feel the benefits. Happiness means different things to different people. For you, it might be a secure job and a comfortable life. For others, it may mean freedom of expression and forming meaningful friendships. And while happiness looks distinct for everyone, most people agree that being happy is the most important aspect and the major driving force in life. While there is no consensus on a ‘silver bullet’ that works for everyone, there are some things which boost happiness for the majority – good physical health, sound mental health, a stress-free and productive life, job-satisfaction, a sense of fulfillment, meaningful relationships, etc, are just a few outcomes that result in happiness for most individuals. What is happiness? Most researchers consider happiness as a state of mind. It is usually measured in terms of life-satisfaction, subjective well-being, and a positive mental state. Lack of negative emotions like anger, frustration, and absence of symptoms of stress, anxiety and depression are also considered to result in a happy state of mind. How habits and happiness are related Choosing what makes us happy is difficult sometimes, especially when something that might make us genuinely happier in the long run seems to clash with what feels good in the present moment. In the words of Gretchen Rubin, best-selling author of The Happiness Project, happiness doesn’t always feel happy. For example, relaxing and binge-watching a favorite show may certainly feel like the convenient choice over heading to the gym for a workout. A double chocolate chip cookie might seem more appealing than a healthier and wholesome bowl of salad. RELATED: How habits can get in the way of your goals The common instinct during such a dilemma is to settle for the convenient or compelling choice – this may result in short burst of joy but might not make us happy in the long run. However, it is possible to break out of this default subconscious behavior and work our way towards the happiness-creating choice, through willpower and consistent action. Choosing the gym over cookies: a happiness habit! shutterstock/NDAB Creativity Making consistently better choices can be a viable strategy to create lasting happiness. Habits matter – they help us engrain a choice as the default action, if made repeatedly. Long-lasting, consistent variety of happiness come through consistent habits. Hitting the gym after work can be made into your default choice – or ingrained healthy habit – through consistent action, rather than to just remain a couch potato, resulting in good health and consistent happiness. Happy habits: 12 simple ways to boost joy levels daily So, let’s look at some happy habits to help you with your quest for happiness. With time and practice, you can cement these happy habits into your daily routine as your default choice of action: 1. Smile Smiling is circular – happy people smile more often, which releases more dopamine, and this makes them happier. Researchers even suggest faking a smile to induce cheerfulness and lower stress levels through ‘facial feedback’. Smiling has also been associated with extended life expectancy. A study by Michigan State University revealed that smiling as a result of cultivating positive thoughts can improve mood, prevent feelings of apathy, and improve productivity levels in the workplace. 2. Exercise regularly Exercise can prevent hypertension, boost heart health and immunity, and extend your life span. However, the benefits are not limited to physical health – regular exercise can help lower stress levels and even rewire your brain connections to keep depression at bay. A systematic review of existing literature by Zhanjia Zhang et al revealed that even the minimal amount of physical activity in the form of aerobic or stretching/balancing exercises makes a huge impact in favor of reduced stress and depression – resulting in greater happiness – in comparison to those who do not exercise on even one day in a week. “Happiness and habits have a symbiotic relationship – people with healthy habits are happier, and happy people are found to have healthier habits.” Include at least 20 minutes of daily physical activity in the form of strength training, outdoor running, yoga or walking to observe the difference in your mood and health. You could also indulge in a hobby involving movement, like dancing or playing tennis. 3. Eat mindfully Healthier food choices result in elevated happiness, as indicated by a research synthesis by Ruut Veenhoven. A balanced diet consisting of whole grains, lean meat, healthy fats along with two to three portions of fresh vegetables and fruit per day can improve your physical health and prevent disease. In addition, food choices impact your mental health as well – good mood foods can alleviate anxiety and depression and improve your mood by inducing the release of happiness hormones. 4. Get enough sleep Despite the competitive modern world trying to convince us to stay awake and connected for longer hours, getting sufficient sleep is a crucial happy habit for good health and well-being. A four-week study by Ji-eun Shin et al revealed that individuals who sleep for adequate hours have lower incidence of ‘zero-sum beliefs’ or scarcity mindset, higher life-satisfaction and elevated happiness levels. Take time to build a healthy sleep routine. Keep sleep-stealers like phones and tablets on silent mode and tucked away at least one hour before bedtime. Try going to bed and waking up at the same time every day to regularize your sleep patterns. 5. Meet friends and family often Humans are inherently social beings and forming meaningful ties makes us happier. A study by Matthias R Mehl et al pointed out that meaningful friendships call for lesser small talk and encourage more ‘substantive’ conversations, resulting in a greater perception of well-being and happiness. Another happy habit: keeping family close shutterstock/Monkey Business Images Furthermore, meeting happy people with a positive attitude will amp up the benefits. Another study at Harvard Medical School observed the happiness patterns of 5,000 participants over a period of 20 years, to establish that happiness levels in a person can trigger a positive chain reaction and the benefits can reach their friends, their friends’ friends, and so on. 6. Plan ahead Planning the next day and upcoming week in advance can help prevent the floundering feeling we sometimes get when there’s too much work that needs to get done but we have no clue where to begin. It is essential to factor in the truth here – what isn’t planned most often doesn’t get done, which may result in undue stress and dissatisfaction. RELATED: Mindful minutes – 10 small practices that make a big difference A study by renowned self-help author Robert Epstein revealed that 25 per cent of our happiness depends on our ability to manage stress, and that consistent planning and timely action can prevent stressful situations. Hence, to prevent stress, it’s important to reflect on the activities that bring you the desired result, such as joy, sense of accomplishment etc. and consistently establish supportive plans. Seeking happiness through random, haphazard acts might not always work out in your favor, but activities listed through meticulous planning will seldom backfire, offering you greater sense of satisfaction. 7. Disconnect and recharge While social media is great for networking and staying connected, it can also take a toll on your mental health and hurt your self-esteem. Taking some time to disconnect from that infinite realm called the internet, to connect with your inner self, is crucial for your subjective well-being and happiness. In a two-week study by Dunn and Kushlev, 221 participants were encouraged to maximize their phone interruptions and keep them within reach for a week. For the next week, participants were asked to turn off their phone notifications and tuck the phone away out of plain sight. Participants reported higher attention span and improved productivity levels when phone alerts were off, which predicted elevated levels of happiness. While unplugging your phone and shutting down your electronic devices might seem like a ridiculous proposition in the beginning, but it can save you from mental fatigue and undue stress. Start small – try taking a break from social media and phone notifications for a few hours each week, extending to few hours of silent mode each day. Use this time to meditate, read, or simply savor the silence around. 8. Meditate Meditation is an energization practice that allows you to focus your thoughts, enabling you to unleash your inner potential and achieve a greater sense of awareness. Numerous scientific studies point out that meditating daily can improve your mood and boost cognitive abilities. According to a review study at Kyoto University, meditation can increase the grey matter in precuneus area of the brain, which is known as the origin of the sense of well-being and happiness. Meditate regularly to boost your mood shutterstock/Shift Drive If you are a beginner struggling with your meditation practice, take heart it knowing it need not be a complicated technique. Explore some of the best beginner's meditation videos online, or simply begin by sitting in a quiet place for at least five minutes, as you concentrate on your breathing patterns. 9. Connect with nature The fast-paced world around us has a way of making us believe that life is all about achievements and hustle. While goals are important, remember that there’s more to life than to-do lists and deadlines. Taking time from your busy schedule periodically to get into nature can rejuvenate your senses, improve your heart health, prevent cancer and boost your creativity. Forest bathing or reconnecting with nature can also alleviate stress and depression, indicating higher levels of happiness. 10. Stay spiritually connected In a broad sense, spirituality relates to looking beyond oneself to find a connection with a greater dimension or a higher power that unites all beings. It doesn’t necessarily translate into religious tenets or gatherings – instead, it focuses on cultivating intrinsic value systems like kindness, compassion, gratitude etc, in your daily life. The Science of Happiness, a special edition by Time, summarizes the learning compiled from existing scientific research that most spiritual people derive certain ‘psychological comfort’ from their belief system and tend to be less depressed and less anxious as compared to their non-spiritual counterparts. “Humans are inherently social beings and forming meaningful ties makes us happier. Furthermore, meeting happy people with a positive attitude will amp up the benefits.” A systematic review of scientific literature by Sankul Gaur recognized spirituality as an emerging predictor of happiness, wherein spiritual or religious interventions were found to improve one’s sense of well-being and life satisfaction. 11. Stay in the present While the technological advancements in the form of smartphones and tablets do make our lives easier, unfortunately they also tend to draw our attention away from the reality around us. Being mindful of the environment around you and savoring the present moment without judgment is crucial for cultivating happiness – it allows you to think, feel and act from a place of purpose in a conscious manner, as opposed to your actions arising based on your subconscious patterns, or a ‘default mode’. A study by Cristian Coo et al established mindfulness as an important construct for mental health and an effective positive psychology intervention tool. It also revealed the positive effect of Mindfulness Based Intervention (MBI) on the happiness levels, work engagement and productivity of professionals in varied fields like healthcare, education etc. 12. Practise gratitude Gratitude is the appreciation of good things in your life, or an acknowledgment of the gifts you received. Studies show that the simplest acknowledgment of all things you are grateful for – be it by writing gratitude list or via gratitude meditation – can positively impact hope and happiness. Furthermore, developing an attitude of gratitude has scientifically-proven benefits. It’s possible to start small – acknowledge things you’re grateful for as you go about your daily tasks, such as having hot water to take a shower or having the sense of vision. Gratitude journaling is another great way to set positive intentions for the day. Round-up: happy habits Happiness and habits have a symbiotic relationship – people with healthy habits are happier, and happy people are found to have healthier habits. The happiness-boosting habits listed here are by no means exclusive – try them to see which of these fit well into your lifestyle and stick to the ones that create favorable results for you. With consistent practice and patience, you can create a routine to include the positive habits that suit your version of happiness and the path you choose to achieve the same. • Main image: shutterstock/Monkey Business Images happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ learn with free online classes in our happiness Academy Authenticity | Courage | Learning | Success Written by Sonia Vadlamani Fitness and healthy food blogger, food photographer and stylist, travel-addict and future self journaler. Sonia loves to write and has resolved to dedicate her life to revealing how easy and important it is to be happier, stronger and fitter each day. Follow her daily pursuits at FitFoodieDiary or on Instagram.

For many of us, once the festive holiday season is over the January blues start to set in. But there are ways you can fight back and feel better. Dee Marques shares seven ideas on beating those blues – from holiday planning and embracing winter activities to finding new hobbies. The January blues and new year period can be particularly tough on our mental health and lead to feelings of depression. After the excesses typical of the festive season, going back to the usual daily routine can be overwhelming. Personally, I've always thought about this time of the year as an expanded version of the Monday blues – something many of us go through on a weekly basis! Furthermore, during the new year, most of us also tend to take stock of our lives. This sometimes means realising that things haven't turned out as we expected or hoped. Perhaps we look back on past resolutions to find out that we weren’t able to maintain them, or we’re saddened by memories of people who are no longer with us. We've all had a few couple of years due to the pandemic, and this challenging period is likely to continue, perhaps intensifying the January blues. Also, a season of treats, big dinners and high alcohol consumption usually means we end up with a few extra inches or pounds and a negative body image. And having friends or relatives visiting can be lovely but it can also drain our energy and lead to confrontations or fall-outs. Added to that, intense gift-buying sessions may have left us with an empty bank account. In fact, research shows that the January blues and new year depression are a very real thing. Suicides peak on New Year’s day, considered the deadliest 24 hours of the year. Also, there are links between low morale at this time of the year and an increased number of extramarital affairs. In fact, 65 per cent of all relationship break-ups happen in January. How to find meaning in life: 7 strategies The 4 signs that distinguish feeling blue from depression 8 powerful suicide prevention quotes New year depression is so prevalent that it's led to the term Blue Monday being coined. This refers to the most depressing day of the year, and it’s calculated using a formula that takes into account three things: the weather, motivation levels and debt. 7 strategies to beating the January blues In 2023, Blue Monday will fall on 16th January. So, in preparation for this dreaded day and the month beyond, here are seven scientifically-proven ideas on how to beat those January blues. 1. Embrace winter activities Physical activity is a great mood booster that is proven to help fend off depression. And although exercising is probably the last thing you feel like doing at this time of the year, the benefits are so worth it that once you get going, you’ll want to keep going! Snow limits: wrap-up and embrace a winter walk shutterstock/Nik Hoberg Indeed, recent studies claim that both short sessions of high-intensity exercise or longer sessions of low-intensity activity are effective at keeping the blues at bay. And the season itself offers opportunities to try something new, whether it's snow sports like skiing, going for countryside or coastal walk in nature, or ice skating. The strong-willed among you may even want to consider a dose of winter wild swimming! But there are still options if you don’t feel like braving the cold: saunas, steam baths and hot yoga are all excellent for well-being and beating the misery January brings. 2. Take a trip Going on a trip is scientifically-proven to improve your mood and help you beat the January blues and new year depression, especially if it’s somewhere sunny. That's because our bodies create Vitamin D from sunlight, and this vitamin is directly linked to our mood. You don’t need to go on a long trip – even a weekend getaway can make a difference. “Going on a trip is scientifically-proven to improve your mood and help you beat the January blues, especially if it's somewhere sunny.” But what if your finances are tight after the holiday season? Fear not. Interestingly, the simple fact of just planning or researching a trip can improve your mood. Studies have found that pre-trip happiness acts as a mood booster, as it fills us with anticipation of good things to come. So, even though many of us may not be able to travel to sunny climes to avoid the January blues right now, we can at least get on the net and start researching where we want to go next. 3. Skip resolutions and take up a new hobby New Year resolutions can be a double-edged sword: on the one hand, they can motivate us, but since only 8 per cent of people follow them through, failing to achieve them can make us feel inadequate. To take the pressure off and still work towards something meaningful, why not take up a new hobby for one month only? The idea is to find something that inspires you and gets you through January. If you find yourself really enjoying it, you can then continue it for the rest of the year. 4. Warm up Never underestimate the healing effect of warmth, especially during the coldest months of the year. In fact, our bodies are meant to be comforted by warmth – this is why we seek the sun or find so much pleasure in our favourite cup of tea, coffee or chocolate. A hot choc can help beat the January blues shutterstock/igorstevanovic If you’re feeling down with the January blues, take your time to enjoy a long soak in a warm, relaxing bath (even better if you add some warming essential oils like rosemary, ginger or cardamom). According to researchers, even just touching something warm can give us a little happiness boost. 5. Find something fun to do with friends January’s bleak weather and lack of funds can make it very tempting to stay home and veg out all day. But instead of giving in to staying in, it’s worth finding ways of staying active and sociable. For example, collective plans or resolutions can help you stay accountable and motivated, making you more resilient to New Year depression. “Why not take up a new hobby for one month only? The idea is to find something that inspires you and gets you through the January blues. If you find yourself really enjoy it you can carry it on for the rest of the year.” And there are tons of activities you can enjoy with others without spending a lot of money. For example, you could gather at a friend’s home and learn a new dance using YouTube videos, organize healthy and budget-friendly cooking competitions, have a wardrobe clear out and swap session, or even have a go at geocaching. 6. Eat well When it comes to our diet, Christmas and New Year are usually synonymous with excess. Some of us love to indulge in mince pies, Christmas pudding, and other high-carb and high-sugar treats, but overeating these foods can lead to low energy and a dark mood typical of the January blues. To counter this, include nourishing good mood foods in every meal, especially those rich in omega-3 oils, which according to some studies can help fight pessimism and sadness. 7. Check for SAD If you're really struggling to keep a positive mindset or if your health is negatively affected every time January arrives, you may be suffering from SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder). This condition affects 10 million people in the US and 1 in 3 in the UK. The symptoms include irritability, tearfulness, low self-esteem, high stress, lethargy, and a loss of interest in things that we’d normally find enjoyable. It’s important to speak to your doctor if you suspect you may have SAD, since in some people this can evolve into depressive symptoms. You should know that treatment is available and you don’t need to let this type of January blues or depression take over. Your doctor may recommend Vitamin D supplements, using a light therapy box, going for walks whenever there’s sunlight, or in some cases, medication. Conclusion: you can beat the January blues This winter, don’t let the January blues spoil your mood and well-being. Use the suggestions above to prevent the symptoms from developing, and if you find yourself struggling despite your best efforts, seek help. You’re not alone and every step you take to beat the winter blues will be a worthwhile investment in your overall physical and mental health. ● Main image: shutterstock/Marjan Apostolovic Do you struggle with the January blues? If so, head over to our forum on depression. What do you to fight back against depressive symptoms over winter? Share your ideas below! happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ self-develop with free online classes in our Academy Resilience | Self-care | Goal setting | Anxiety Written by Dee Marques A social sciences graduate with a keen interest in languages, communication, and personal development strategies. Dee loves exercising, being out in nature, and discovering warm and sunny places where she can escape the winter.

Yes, introvert hangovers are a real thing. Sonia Vadlamani discusses ideas on how to recognize introvert burnout and explains six ways to avoid it happening in the first place. If you’re an introvert, you're likely to have experienced the so-called introvert hangover at least once in your life, even if you didn’t realize you were dealing with it. Also referred to as a social hangover, an introvert hangover is a result of an excessive dose of socializing. Sometimes even a few hours of socializing, like a lunch date with friends in a noisy restaurant or attending a large social event, can leave you physically exhausted and mentally drained, even though the people around you show no signs of slowing down. Indeed, you are not alone, and most introverts, including me, experience this feeling. Although social hangover can happen to anyone, introverts are particularly susceptible to it as they reach their dopamine threshold relatively easily when compared to extroverts. Introverts tend to feel overwhelmed and overstimulated by being around too many people for an extended period, and the aftermath can feel a lot like a hangover. What is an introvert hangover? An introvert hangover can be described as that tired, drained, foggy and overwhelmed state we experience when we’ve overdone socializing and feel the need for some alone-time for recharging. Introvert hangover can happen due to overstimulation from a series of closely-timed events that you were a part of, like weddings or a concert, a group activity, or even a Zoom call. A common misconception about introverts is that they’re shy, or they don’t like people. This simply isn’t true, as introverts do crave human connection as well. “Introversion may look like shyness to an extrovert – but it's really more about the energy depletion and the way they experience the world,” explains psychologist Mike Dow. Too much social time may lead to an introvert hangover As an introvert, while I feel the need for meaningful interactions with friends and family, I do find myself getting quickly saturated and mentally exhausted if there’s too much noise, or if the group suddenly gets bigger, leading to too many conversations to keep a track of. In midst of the socializing if I’m finding myself growingly irritable, or plain zoned-out and retreating into a quiet corner, I know it’s proving too much for me in the moment. Some key signs that you’re experiencing social exhaustion can be: Feeling detached from ongoing conversations around you Feeling numb or dejected Developing a headache or a migraine Growing irritability as time progresses Having trouble concentrating Fatigue and tiredness Experiencing conditions like stress, anxiety and depression Prolonged social hangover can result in a following introvert burnout, which can leave one feeling drained for longer periods… hours even, or sometimes for several days in a row. Avoiding introvert hangovers An introvert burnout can be a terrible phenomenon to experience. Fortunately, it is possible to avoid the fatigue you may experience after a social event with these simple steps: 1. Accept who you are Susan Cain, author of Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking, emphasizes that it’s essential for introverts to embrace their true selves and be confident about the same. This will help introverts to reach out and interact with others from a place of acceptance, instead of a societal compulsion that they should socialize more often. 2. Identify your triggers There is no ‘one size fits all’ approach to combating an introvert hangover, as every individual has their own triggers and socializing capacity. While a single virtual work meeting can end up triggering introvert burnout in some, others may feel exhausted from attending several social events back-to-back. “Introverts tend to feel overwhelmed by being around too many people for an extended period, and the aftermath can feel a lot like a hangover.” Observing what your triggers are and the pace at which your energy levels deplete each time you socialize is key. It can enable you to customize your social engagements and plan social events when you’re energized and ready to handle them. 3. Customize your social events Sometimes, you could have had a busy day and then have events and activities lined up later that you genuinely want to be a part of or can’t back out of. Consider altering your plans in a way that allows you to derive the maximum value from the events without draining your mental batteries. For example, attending a concert a bit later after the opening act is over, or leaving a party early could prevent an introvert burnout later. I love visiting art galleries and museums when I travel, but I don’t like crowds. So, I schedule these visits for weekdays or early hours when there are fewer visitors. This gives me the freedom to spend more time gazing at the exhibitions and learning about the artist’s process, without needing to stand in a queue for hours or putting up with noisy crowds. 4. Balance socializing with alone-time “Company and solitude are like nutrients: we all need both of them, but in varying amounts,” explains Martha Beck, sociologist, life coach and the author of The Way of Integrity. Like everyone, introverts feel the need for meaningful relationships and nurturing friendships. However, it’s essential for introverts to devise a conscious balance between socializing and their recharge-time, so that they can avoid a prolonged introvert burnout. Choosing quality over quantity could prove to be a wiser approach instead of saying ‘yes’ to every social event, as cramming your schedule with too many social events could leave you exhausted. Prioritize interactions which are more important to you and avoid the social events that are likely to drain your energy reserve at a faster pace. Introverts need to balance social time with alone time shutterstock/Galyna Andrushko 5. Be honest and specific with people As the old saying goes, honesty is always the best policy. Communicate your need to recharge yourself, or the preference for number of people you’re meeting, the location etc, in a specific albeit constructive manner. Instead of saying “I can’t talk right now” or “umm, let’s meet some other day”, convey your needs and feelings more coherently like, “I’m on recharge mode and would like to be alone today”, or “I realize this group hangout has now shaped into a full-blown party. I’ll have to leave a bit earlier as it’s too much for me”. Indeed, positive communication ensures that others understand your socializing preferences and needs and try to accommodate these to the best of their ability. However, if you don’t tell your friends about how over socializing burns you out, they may think you are being rude or difficult if you vanish from an event or keep turning down invitations, so make sure that doesn’t happen. 6. Take timely micro-breaks Sometimes it may be difficult for you to back out from a social event, like an office party or a vacation with several family members or friends. Similarly, you may not want to miss out on important social commitments, such as a friend’s wedding. Opt for periodic, small breaks in scenarios where you need to attend numerous events within a short span. For example, you could find a quieter spot nearby to practise some conscious breathing alone to soothe your nerves, or take a short stroll near the event venue to clear your mind. How to recover from introvert burnout Recovering from an introvert hangover is possible, even though it may seem at the time like you’ve hit a brick wall and there simply isn’t possible to pave your way back to socializing. Here are some ideas to offer you much-needed relief: Tell yourself it’s OK An introvert hangover can last anywhere between few hours to few days, depending on the severity of the exhaustion and it’s okay. There is no need to feel guilty or apologetic about your need for some solitude. After all, introverts are at their optimal best when they’ve taken the time to recharge with some alone-time and introspection. Prioritize your alone-time “Feelings are information,” says Dow. Experiencing the signs of introvert hangover denotes that you may have overdone socializing and haven’t spent time alone with your thoughts for a long time. An introvert recharge-mode consisting of some quiet self-reflection can go a long way to heal your social burnout, as well as to ready you for your next social engagement. Jenn Granneman, founder of IntrovertDear.com, a community for introverts, and author of The Secret Lives of Introverts refers to the introvert-reward connection established by researchers, emphasizing the importance of spending some time alone for introverts. Devise a downtime schedule Indulging in hobbies like knitting, painting or fishing, or immersing yourself in your favorite self-care activity, can help speed-up the recovery from a social hangover. Try a DIY spa treatment – a luxury facial or a manicure may lift your spirits with ease. Grab your favorite book and read through your favorite parts again. For me, it’s a warm cup of a soothing tea, a cozy spot where no one can disturb me much, and curling up with one of the Harry Potter titles that does the trick. The key here is to create a calming and low-stimulus environment so you can recharge your mental batteries. Rewatching your all-time favorite movie, a comforting bowl of ice cream, or playing with your furry friends to channel the healing power of pets can also help you achieve this goal. Meditate Meditation helps you shake off the anxiety of socializing by enabling you to slow down, clear your mind and relieve stress. There are several skills you can learn through meditation, like cultivating silence, physical relaxation, and self-compassion, which can bolster your ability to combat introvert burnout in the longer run. “It’s essential for introverts to devise a conscious balance between socializing and recharge, so they can avoid a prolonged introvert burnout.” Introverts may benefit from meditating more often than once, even for durations as less as 5 minutes, as this can keep them focused and grounded. There are different types of meditation from which you choose a form that suits your needs and lifestyle the best. Sweat it out Exercise can be an effective coping tool for introverts. Research shows that introverts are more prone to mental stress and anxiety, and researchers agree upon regular exercise as an effective strategy for stress management. Working out can help you relax and unwind, in addition to offering you some much-needed ‘me-time’ following an introvert hangover. Exercise need not be boring: taking long walks or a hike along the woods, engaging in wild swimming, jogging or running at the park or lifting weights at the gym are some ways to sweat it out and benefit from the happiness hormones resulting from your workout. Takeaway: avoiding introvert hangover While introverts do enjoy the company of others, they can find socializing for long hours at a stretch challenging and overstimulating. Avoiding overbooking your social calendar, taking mini-breaks between stretches of vigorous social activity, and communicating your recharge-time needs in an honest manner can go a long way towards preventing social hangover. Research shows that introverts appreciate the time to reflect and thrive when they get the time to recharge their mental batteries. Thus, indulging in rejuvenating activities such as meditation, spending time in nature with activities like forest bathing, unwinding with a restorative yoga practice, etc, are some ways to create some much-needed downtime after an introvert burnout. • Main image: shutterstock/Motortion Films happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ Develop with free online classes in our happiness Academy Compassion | Friendship | Communication skills Written by Sonia Vadlamani Fitness and healthy food blogger, food photographer and stylist, travel-addict and future self journaler. Sonia loves to write and has resolved to dedicate her life to revealing how easy and important it is to be happier, stronger and fitter each day. Follow her daily pursuits at FitFoodieDiary or on Instagram.

Friendships are a powerful aid in maintaining both mental and physical health, as well as our happiness. Dee Marques explores why nurturing friends throughout our life is essential to our well-being – understand the science-backed power of friendship. A few weeks ago I met a 97-year-old lady and asked her what it’s like to reach such an age. Her reply surprised me: “Well, my body isn’t what it used to be, but I've gotten used to that. What I can’t get used to is realising that all my friends have passed away.” This got me thinking about the power of friendship, and why friend relationships are so important to humans. In fact, research shows that we’re designed to exist in groups. For early humans, isolation meant death, and social bonds increased the chances of protection, finding food and survival. In short, there was safety in numbers. Today, the power of friendship isn’t directly linked to survival, but it’s still an essential aspect of human existence. The power of friendship: what happens when we feel lonely? Humans are designed to thrive in the company of others, yet many people say they often experience loneliness. In fact, in the US, it’s estimated that 50 per cent of all Americans feel lonely. And in the UK, a study found that 9 million people (14 per cent of the population ) said they were lonely either always or most of the time. Furthermore, a UK YouGov poll from 2019 found that an incredible 22 per cent of millennials felt that they had no friends at all. The power of friendship: having close friends is important for mental health The power of friendship is such that lacking meaningful social bonds can negatively affect our physical health as well as our mental health. In fact, loneliness causes an increase in stress hormones, which send white blood cells into overdrive and wreak havoc in the immune system. Additionally, feeling isolated can put us at a higher risk of experiencing physical and mental health problems, ranging from depression to stroke or heart disease. And it’s even been suggested that loneliness-related sleep problems may be caused by an ingrained mechanism that dates back to our early ancestors, who didn’t feel safe when alone, so they had to keep their guard up and actually avoid falling asleep! What are the benefits of powerful friendships? So, not being able to experience the power of friendship can be harmful to our health. But what are the benefits of friendships? In fact, the simple action of sharing thoughts, emotions, and activities with others reinforces positive feelings and makes good memories easier to remember. Sharing also reveals the authenticity in us, allowing us to know ourselves better and to find insights in our friends’ points of view. There are also health benefits involved: some studies found that seniors with large network of friends were more likely to outlive those without social support. “The power of friendship is such that lacking meaningful social bonds can negatively affect our health. Feeling isolated can put us at a higher risk of experiencing physical and mental health problems.” We are social beings, so friendships are key to happiness. There’s relief and strength in knowing that you don’t have to handle the ups and downs of life on your own. And it seems that what we do now with regards to friendship will be reflected later in life. • JOIN US! Join the caring happiness.com community and make new friends • Researchers at Harvard University followed up on a group of 700+ people as they went through different stages of their lives and consistently found that people who felt isolated experienced a decline in physical and mental health towards mid-life, whereas those who were happy with the quality of their relationships when they were 50 were healthier and happier in their 80s than those who didn’t. Friends: quality vs. quantity If the power of friendship is so great, does that mean that the more friends we have the better we’ll feel? Not necessarily. Isolation has never been as widespread as it is today, despite the popularity of social media. This is called the social media paradox. Depression and anxiety are on the rise (especially among teenagers) and researchers have linked this to the increased use of social media, which often results in unrealistic comparisons with other people thinking their lives are better. This causes feelings of inadequacy, fear of rejection and unhappiness (and may help to account for those lack-of-friends stats in millennials mentioned earlier). Friendships are powerful but must be nurtured © shutterstock/Flamino Images As plentiful as they might be, the reality is online friends aren’t enough, and real-world connections will always be more powerful. Indeed, although social media offers the possibility to stay in touch with friends and even to make new connections, it shouldn’t be seen as a replacement for real-life friendships. In fact, what really makes a difference is the depth of the connections we have with others. Some psychologists claim that just having one meaningful friendship can make a world of a difference. Additionally, variety within friendships is also important. It’s natural to look for people who are 'like us', but it’s helpful to expand our circle of friends to include people with different backgrounds, interests, etc. Age-gap friendships are also beneficial. Each of them will bring something new into our lives, making for a richer social experience. • CONNECT DEEPLY Make connections with like-minded and inspirational people • Interestingly, the founder of a friendship site said we tend to replace half our close friends every seven years. As we go through different stages in life, our needs and interests change, so we’re more likely to be drawn to different types of people. Nurturing friendships Friendships have to be nurtured so they can grow healthily. Just like a plant, putting the seeds in alone is not enough. Ongoing care and attention are needed, so it’s crucial to make a conscious effort to invest time in our friendships. We can’t expect relationships to survive without investing in them. So, always aim to be there for your friends (both new and old), be a mindful listener, prove they can trust you, praise them, write or tell them what their friendship means, and spend time doing things together. Of course, sometimes friendships break down for different reasons and it may be that at some point you need to think about when (and how) to end a friendship. “Developing and nurturing meaningful social bonds can help you live a richer life. Take your time to invest in making new friends and nurturing existing ones.” And yes, making and nurturing friendships gets harder as we get older. Remember how easy it was to make friends as a child? Try to approach relationships as you did when you were younger: being less self-conscious, more open, and generous with your time. Volunteering is an important and fun way of making friends as an adult, as you’re likely to find people who share your concerns and values. Conclusion: the power of friendships Developing and nurturing meaningful social bonds with others can help you live a richer life, both physically and emotionally. While it’s unfortunate to see how widespread loneliness and isolation are, there is an upside to it: there are many people out there who may be feeling as lonely and in need of support as you are. So, why not do something about it? Take your time to invest in making new friends and nurture existing ones. You will all feel the benefits for years to come as the true power of friendships is real and proven by science! ● Main image: shutterstock/Olena Yakobchuk What does friendship mean to you? And what are the qualities of a best friend in your opinion? Have your say in our fourm. happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support in our happiness forum ■ self-develop with free online classes in our Academy Intimacy | Attachment styles Written by Dee Marques A social sciences graduate with a keen interest in languages, communication, and personal development strategies. Dee loves exercising, being out in nature, and discovering warm and sunny places where she can escape the winter.

Finding your flow, stress reduction and self-expression three ways in which practising art can help fight mental health issues. Stanislava Puač Jovanović explores the evidence around art therapy for depression and outlines the benefits it can bring to your mental health. Art in any form presents a symbolic expression of the artist’s inner world. It is a vessel for self-exploration, articulation of subconscious contents, growth, and – psychological recovery. People have always felt this connection between creating or consuming art and the process of internal healing. Many great painters, sculptors, musicians and writers lived a life in which art was intertwined with mental health issues. However, you do not have to be a painter or a musician to let art heal you. My father, God rest his soul, albeit not an artist by profession, survived the most challenging times in his (our) life by painting and listening to Led Zeppelin every night for many months. In fact, using art for depression therapy and treatment has a long history. I'll review the empirical evidence corroborating art therapy’s potential to help people deal with depression. There are many options to use art for depression. I hope you will find your personal path towards soothing the darkness of depression through creating or enjoying artwork. Art therapy for depression You do not need to be a professional artist – not even slightly talented – to benefit from art therapy for depression. That's because the essence of its curative effect is not in the artistic quality of your creation – it's in exploring and expressing your most intimate experiences, often hidden from yourself, even. To bring this a little closer, I'll start with a quote from C. G. Jung, artistic in itself: “I should advise you to put it all down as beautifully and as carefully as you can — in some beautifully bound book. It will seem as if you were making the visions banal — but then you need to do that — then you are freed from the power of them. If you do that with these eyes, for instance, they will cease to draw you. You should never try to make the visions come again. Think of it in your imagination and try to paint it. Then when these things are in some precious book, you can go to the book and turn over the pages, and for you, it will be your church — your cathedral — the silent places of your spirit where you will find renewal. If anyone tells you that it is morbid or neurotic and you listen to them — then you will lose your soul — for in that book is your soul.” ― C.G. Jung, Visions: Notes of the Seminar Given 1930-1934 Art can be a therapy for depression shutterstock/WAYHOME studio Jung himself can be considered one of the most dedicated explores of one’s own psyche. Much of this self-exploration occurred in an interplay with art and its ability to make the symbolic nature of subconsciousness accessible. After having separated from Freud, during the nights in which psychosis menaced him, he kept on pursuing the inner images. During four years, Jung conducted these psychological experiments on himself and created Liber Novus (The Red Book). According to his own words, this self-work was by far the most important one in his professional and personal life. The importance of self-expression and self-discovery I allowed myself to speak about Jung to this extent because it is a wonderful illustration of what art can do for someone’s mental health. Art, being non-verbal and symbolic, opens up the path towards those parts of the psyche that cannot be expressed verbally without losing meaning. Art for depression, to emphasize Jung’s words again, serves to deliver “the silent places of your spirit where you will find renewal”. RELATED: Feeling blue or clinically depressed? The 4 things you should look out for Depression, as anyone who has experienced it to any degree knows, is a state in which destructive forces take over. When you engage in creating art, you are, in a way, presenting a counter-weight to such damaging energies within you. Creation fights the destruction. And you do it without struggling to convey, using words alone, the abyss inside you to someone else. The evidence for art therapy The American Psychological Association defines art therapy simply as: “the use of artistic activities, such as painting and clay modelling, in psychotherapy and rehabilitation. Art therapy provides the opportunity to express oneself imaginatively, authentically and spontaneously. Results of such a therapeutic work with art are personal fulfilment, emotional reparation and transformation. Art therapy uses dance, drama, music, poetry and visual arts to help clients express themselves. It is based on an underlying notion of a holistic approach to people. In other words, we are as non-verbal beings as we are verbal – the former being potentially even stronger than the latter. “Art, being non-verbal and symbolic, opens up the path towards those parts of the psyche that cannot be expressed verbally without losing meaning.” Although using art for depression has a long history, starting from the 1940s, there are few controlled clinical art therapy trials. The reasons are methodological. Given the individualistic and uncontrolled, spontaneous flow of the therapeutic session, it is challenging to reach standardised conditions for trials to be conducted. However, the findings that are reported testify of the potent power of art for those struggling with depressive moods. A 2007 study from Florida State University carried out on a group of convicts confirmed that those involved in an eight-week-long art therapy treatment experienced a significant decrease in symptoms of depression. Convicts have a strong urge not to express their problems verbally because a verbal disclosure might put them in more trouble. Therefore, the non-verbal nature of art for depression served as the ideal channel for dealing with it. Meanwhile, a 2012 study out of Seoul Women's University conducted on older adults revealed that using art therapy to target depression could reduce negative emotions, improve self-esteem and decrease anxiety. The effects were highly evident, with a reported reduction of negative feelings of over 85 per cent. Another study with the elderly also supported such claims. Symptoms of depression reduced dramatically after just six weeks of art therapy. You don't need to be a skilled artist to try art therapy Among women who were recently diagnosed with breast cancer, according to findings, creative arts therapy intervention brought about an increase in self-expression, spirituality and psychological well-being. Depression scores were lower after only four, one-hour-long weekly sessions. How efficient could art for depression be? We could look for an answer in a study that compared the effects of traditional verbal psychodynamic therapy and brief psychodynamic art therapy. Women with depression underwent ten weekly sessions of one of these approaches to treating depression. Results showed that art and verbal psychotherapies were comparable, and both brought about relief from depression. Arts and Minds is a UK organisation that founds its work on blending art with mental health interventions. Its engagement testifies about the extent of effectiveness of art for depression, alongside other mental health disturbances. One of their users summarised their experience: “It was a way I could express myself and allow how I was feeling to really surface […]!” Apart from these studies that look into how art works to reduce symptoms of depression, the overall view on art therapy is more than positive. As an extensive literature review and another scientific analysis of available findings revealed, art therapy: reduces stress and cortisol levels increases mindfulness, especially with mindfulness-based art therapy brings balance and calmness to the thinking process delivers more flow experiences reduces symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) eases pain relieves anxiety increases self-esteem improves immune system function helps academic performance develops innovative thinking Viewing art According to an article written by the University of Arizona staff, even viewing art can benefit our well-being. Although everyone is uniquely affected by art, its ability to impact us is undisputed. Viewing art stimulates our brain to try and discern patterns and meanings. According to the article authors, viewing an artwork increases blood flow to our brain by 10 per cent, which is equivalent to looking at someone we love. “You do not need to be an artist to benefit from art for depression. That's because the essence of its curative effect is not in the artistic quality of your creation – it's in exploring and expressing your most intimate experiences.” Finally, embodied cognition, the process in which mirror neurons transform what you see into emotions, could also explain why art can help lift someone out of a depressive mood. The energy from the painting affects your brain as if it were real. That goes for serene landscapes, as well as for abstract art that somehow captures the healing you need to occur. Bring art for depression into your life I started this article with an expressed hope that you will find your way to use art therapy for depression. The options and media are plentiful. Join a painting class. Relieve tension with adult colouring books or mandalas. Do photography. Sketch something. Dance, move, journal, make jewellery. There are little (if any) limits to art and its workings. In fact, you can start merely by consuming art and letting it wake up emotions and potentials you have forgotten about. Get some art supplies and start pouring your soul onto paper or canvas, be it as abstract or as concrete as you need it to. Finally, you could work with an art therapist to benefit from the structured professional approach to your creativity in depression. Whatever route you decide to take, one thing is certain. Art as therapy will open up the channel of communication between the inexpressible pain and hollowness of depression and your inner healing power. Or, as someone incomparably wiser than myself had expressed it: “No tree, it is said, can grow to heaven unless its roots reach down to hell.” - Carl. G. Jung, Aion Main image: shutterstock/Monkey Business Images happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ sharing and supporting others in our happiness forum ■ developing with free online classes in our Academy Coaching | Letting go | Authenticity Written by Stanislava Puač Jovanović Stanislava Puač Jovanović has a master’s degree in psychology and works as a freelance writer and researcher in this area. Her primary focus is on questions relating to mental health, stress-management, self-development and well-being.

Laughing during or after sex is more common than you'd think. And while you may get a fit of the giggles when something goes wrong, laughter during or after sex also signifies an incredibly satisfying sexual experience. Psychologist Stanislava Puač Jovanović explains... Sex is always a unique experience. What it will be like depends on an array of factors. Whom with and when are you sharing this encounter? What kind of mood set the stage for the act — gentle, romantic, passionate, or is it sex after a fight? Finally, there are different types of lovers. Some people are shy and quiet, and some loud and full of confidence. There are those who like to submit. Others allow themselves to be passionately dominant or benevolently aggressive. Some play roles and test ways to get satisfaction. And some people laugh during or after sex. In this article I'll look into the relationship between sex and laughter. I'll review current research and explain why you or your partner may have an uncontrollable need for laughing during sex — or afterwards — and why it is perfectly normal. Why do some people laugh during and after sex? Laughter accompanies us at every step of a romance. When we first meet a person we like, we tend to laugh loudly and signal interest. Research has revealed that, by doing so, we send a “this is play” message in an uncertain situation. Laughter brings us closer to our partners throughout the relationship. Everyone knows what joy in a relationship feels like. When you joke around, smile a lot, and laugh, it means you are happy together. In fact, a study proved that the amount of time you spend laughing with your partner is directly associated with the quality of the relationship. Therefore, laughter during sex can be seen as a continuation of the good feeling you have with your partner. Also, it may mean that you are in a good relationship with yourself. But how so, exactly? Laughter during sex brings partners closer Laughing the awkward moments off A recent study revealed that people who are fine with laughing at themselves might enjoy better relationships. The ability to laugh at yourself and share this laughter with others can even boost your sexual satisfaction. What is the mechanism behind this association? People who love to make fun of themselves tend to be more confident and feel better in their skin. So, laughter during sex means, basically, that you are more relaxed in relationships and sure of yourself. • JOIN US! Sign up today and make new friends at happiness.com • Even more precisely, we all know that embarrassing incidents happen during sex. Sometimes, we have a snowball’s chance in Hell of looking as elegant, confident and alluring as we intended. Whether you get stuck trying to take off tight clothes, fall off the bed, pass wind, or try a pose you have zero experience with, 'mistakes' will happen. The entire experience will not become a mortifying event when you can laugh off those embarrassing moments. The chemical foundations of laughter with sex The science behind laughing during or laughter after sex can be summarised as follows — when you are happy and pleased, you act accordingly. In layman’s terms — when sex is great, the elation can naturally be followed by laughter. Sex impacts (among other hormones and neurotransmitters) the secretion of oxytocin. Oxytocin is associated with many functions in both sexes. It helps during labour and has a role in breastfeeding. Another function of oxytocin is related to the tend-and-befriend response, which is, in short, the opposite of flight-or-fight. It is behaviour more typical of women. However, oxytocin helps us connect with others in general, regardless of sex. Finally, oxytocin has been shown to influence sexual pleasure. “When your body is filled with oxytocin during intercourse, it is natural that you might laugh. The same chemical explanation can be applied to laughing after sex. It is simply the continuation of pleasure and cheerfulness.” Because of the connection between oxytocin, orgasm, love, bonding, sexual pleasure, and lower levels of stress and pain, scientists are now calling it the hormone of love. Therefore, when your body is filled with oxytocin during intercourse, it is natural that you might feel the need to laugh. The same chemical explanation can be applied to laughing after sex. It is simply the continuation of pleasure and cheerfulness. Why do some people not laugh during sex? Sometimes, we think of sex as anything but funny. We want to impress, look seductive, and feel secure and adored. In short, sex is can often be quite stressful, even though it is meant to be anything but that. Sex is, potentially, an arena for all our insecurities to come out. One study looked into how attachment styles relate to sexual satisfaction. The results determined that people who had insecure attachments reported sexual dissatisfaction. What is more, when men had an anxious attachment, their female partners were dissatisfied. When women were avoidant, their male partners were not pleased. Overall, when people do not feel relaxed and confident enough, they might have a hard time enjoying intercourse. Laughter during sex is unlikely to happen. 5 ways laughter and sex are connected On the other hand, when you incorporate laughter into your sexual life, you are blending two phenomena that naturally go hand in hand. Why? Because they are very similar in terms of their effect on the body. Both laughter and sex can alleviate anxiety. As discussed earlier, oxytocin and endorphins, the happiness hormones, are released during sex and laughter. These hormones can help you feel relaxed and overcome anxieties more easily. Furthermore, laughter and sex both stimulate your immune system. WebMD reports that several studies found having sex once or twice a week is related to higher levels of antibodies in your bloodstream. Similarly, laughter stimulates your immune system and has positive effects on natural killer cell cytotoxicity. It could be argued, then, that laughter after sex doubles the benefits. Indeed, laughter and sex can make us fit and healthy. Both can be considered exercise, in a way. Apart from other beneficial effects of both activities on our physical and mental health, sex and joking around burns calories. A study determined that 10–15 minutes of laughter per day could increase your calories expenditure by 2–10 kcal. Laughter and sex also leads to hormonal balance. Whether you are laughing or having sex (or laughing after sex), your cortisol and adrenalin levels drop. Researchers are even suggesting the use of laughter therapy instead of pharmacological means of addressing stress-induced hormonal disbalance. The overall workings of both playfulness and sexual pleasure lead to better hormonal balance. Laughter and sex change our moods and thoughts for the better. Overall, we can conclude that both laughter and sex can help us feel better, more optimistic, and more peaceful. They can help ease tension and reset our minds when we get too wrapped up in our own thoughts and fears. And laughter after sex is the winning combination for a great mood. How laughter can strengthen relationships Playfulness is a desirable trait, regardless of gender. Researchers who study the role of playfulness in romance found that when women are full of life in that way, men see youth — regardless of age. On the other hand, a playful man will be perceived as non-aggressive by women. These are traits men and women seek in the opposite sex when they are choosing their long-term partners. However, the role of laughter and playfulness (including laughing during sex and laughter after sex) does not end at the point of a beginning of a relationship. There is an abundance of research revealing that laughter can strengthen relationships at different stages. Stay playful and enjoy everything about sex shutterstock.com/fizkes What is it about playfulness that helps us feel good in relationships? A 2019 study explored how different forms of playfulness might relate to relationship satisfaction. Over 200 couples were surveyed. The findings confirmed that two kinds of playfulness directly led to higher levels of satisfaction with one’s relationship. The first is other-directed playfulness. This is when you enjoy playful interactions with others use playfulness to ease tension in social situations or to cheer others up. The other is intellectual playfulness. Such playfulness comes to play when you prefer complexity over simplicity, enjoy play of words, or playing things through in your mind. “When your body is filled with oxytocin during intercourse, it is natural that you might laugh. The same chemical explanation can be applied to laughing after sex. It is simply the continuation of pleasure and cheerfulness.” Playfulness also plays a role in sexual satisfaction. Metz and McCarthy, researchers in the field of sex and related psychological factors, determined that being playful can prevent monotony in your sex life. They say that people chase great sex in the wrong directions, listen to the wrong sources, and get caught up in sexual “hype”. The focus on perfectionism fuels performance anxiety and undermine healthy, satisfying sex. Therefore, add playfulness to your sex life. Was there anything comical about the intercourse? Do joke about it (in a sensitive manner, of course). Laughing after sex will ease the tension and bring you closer. RELATED: What playfulness can do for your relationship How can we get more laughter into our relationships? One theoretical model, empirically confirmed and also very intuitive, could provide advice. According to its principles, when we are playful in a relationship, this causes positive emotions. Positive emotions, expectedly, make us feel more content with our relationship. However, who are people who are playful? The confident ones. Yes, self-esteem and a love for humour make you feel confident enough to act silly at times and be full of beans. Takeaway: laugh and love Sex is meant to be fun. However, modern culture puts too much pressure on the act. We see unrealistic bodies, positions and ambience everywhere. From TV shows to pornographic material, we are bombarded by how “the perfect” sexual intercourse ought to look. As a result, we get too stressed and focus on the wrong things. Remember, sex is about two people making a connection. To have a genuine relationship with someone, you need to be authentic. This means laughing during sex if you feel like it. As long as you are not mocking your partner, laughter during sex can only add to the beauty of the act. So, do not shy away from laughing after sex and creating a lasting feeling of closeness with your partner. • Main image: shutterstock.com/Rawpixel.com happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Join free now and: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine ■ share and support in our happiness forum ■ develop with free online Academy classes Sexuality | Empathy | Trust Written by Stanislava Puač Jovanović Stanislava Puač Jovanović has a master’s degree in psychology and works as a freelance writer and researcher in this area. Her primary focus is on questions relating to mental health, stress-management, self-development and well-being.

There were many feel-good health and environmental stories in the press during July, but you may not have spotted them. Ed Gould shares his Top 10 to uplift and inspire you. Positive news may have seemed thin on the ground this summer. However, there were more feel-good news stories than you might have noticed. What were some more hopeful stories from around the world over the course of the last month? Read on to discover ten of the best. 1. Prostate cancer could be treated by iron supplements According to a report published in MediNews, patients with prostate cancer are being given a new hope for recovery thanks to an experimental use of iron. Some anti-cancer treatments are no longer as successful in defeating the disease as they once were but patients who take iron supplements tend to do better. Dr Chunhong Yan, a molecular biologist at the Georgia Cancer Center, is now using iron to create a more resistant treatment pathway for certain types of prostate cancer. “When a cell takes up iron, it undergoes different processes,” he explained. 2. Bison reintroduced to the British Isles Wild bison have been allowed to roam free in a project that seeks to improve biodiversity in British woodlands. According to a report in the Guardian, the large mammals have not been seen in the wild in the UK for over 1,000 years. Now, they are set to make a stunning return in what is being billed as a major win for other wildlife. By creating paths through densely wooded areas, bison can make more room for insects, flowering plants, reptiles and bats. The Wilder Blean project, near Canterbury, is responsible for the programme which, it's hoped, will be replicated elsewhere in future. Bison reintroduced to wild areas in UK shutterstock/Konoplytska 3. Big data analytics could unleash greater happiness According to a former Google big data executive, understanding large amounts of information through machine learning could be the answer to finding greater happiness. Seth Stephens-Davidowitz has recently written a book about success and the role being happier has to play in it. Speaking to the press, he said that big data analysis will soon be used to answer philosophical questions, like 'what makes us happy?' According to Stephens-Davidowitz, analysing the relationships of some 11,000 couples is currently ongoing to work out what it is among them that makes them happy. Once understood, it may be easier to achieve more positive outcomes. RELATED: Happy habits – 12 ways to boost joy levels daily 4. Botswana deals with AIDS crisis among babies It was not that long ago that Botswanan babies stood a high risk of being born with AIDS. The disease had reached such rates among infants that, until recently, four in ten would be born with the condition. However, following a two-decade-long mother-to-child prevention programme, there is now just a one per cent chance of a newborn suffering the same fate, according to recently released data by the World Health Organization. Health officials in Botswana think that the prevalence of AIDS in the country's babies is continuing to fall and could soon almost be eradicated. 5. Could nanobots keep teeth healthier? A report in Futurity stated that experiments are ongoing into the effects of nanobot technology on oral health. Although the idea is only being tried out on mocked-up teeth at the moment, the concept is to use tiny robots to act as toothpaste, toothbrushes, floss and mouthwash – all in one. The research into this method of cleaning teeth is being conducted University of Pennsylvania’s School of Dental Medicine. Behind the move is the idea of being able to keep teeth cleaner and healthier than many people do by brushing manually. According to the lead researcher, Hyun Koo, robotics can offer a superior method which doesn't require you to use your hands. Would you turn to nanobots for cleaner teeth? shutterstock/Rido 6. Mindfulness reduces effects of pain In positive news that anyone who suffers from chronic pain will appreciate, a large study from the San Diego School of Medicine has just been published that indicates what a powerful tool mindfulness can be with respect to pain management. Published in the scholarly journal Pain, the study found that meditative practices help the brain to detach itself from the wider nervous system, thereby blocking – or partially interrupting – the sensations of pain people would otherwise have felt. Mindful behaviour – 13 practical mindfulness tools Mindfulness at work – 6 productive tips 7 mindfulness tips for staying engaged 7. On-demand pain relief technology developed A research team in the US has come up with an implant that can relieve pain when patients feel they need it –without needing to rely on drugs. The soft, flexible device blocks pain by numbing nerves. It's hoped the idea will lead to less reliance on addictive painkillers while offering patients more agency in their pain relief, the Metro reported. 8. Spain offers free train travel to its citizens According to CNN, the Spanish government has announced that free train travel will be available to everyone in the country in a bid to get people out of their cars and use more public transport. The scheme will begin in September and will offer a 100 per cent reduction on the price of fares for local and intermediate distance journeys. The idea is to help Spain meet its carbon reduction commitments and ease the financial burdens around oil and energy prices consumers are currently facing. Germany has already announced a similar three-month scheme which allows for unlimited train travel for a nominal €9 a month. RELATED: 6 ways travel benefits happiness and mental health Spain is introducing temporary free train travel shutterstock/skyNext 9. Study finds psilocybin helps mental health in small doses Psilocybin may not be a household term but it's a naturally occurring compound found in various growing matters, including some mushrooms. It's a psychedelic ingredient that's structurally similar to the neurotransmitter serotonin, and can offer feelings of euphoria (as well as some side effects). However, a new study into psilocybin has found that taking it in very small quantities – so-called micro-dosing – offers many people positive mental health outcomes with few downsides. Symptoms of anxiety, stress and depression were found to be lower compared to people who did not micro-dose psychedelic substances over the course of a 30-day period. According to numerous reports, some now hope that the use of such natural substances may become more acceptable to the medical community. 10. Commercial carbon capture project unveiled in UK A scheme to capture carbon from the atmosphere has begun in Northwich in Cheshire. This is the largest project of its kind in the UK. It is hoped that when the plant is fully operational that it will be able to capture up to 40,000 tonnes of CO2 each year it is working, according to a report in New Scientist. The people behind the scheme will produce sodium bicarbonate, commonly known as baking powder from their facility. The commercial project was partially funded by the British government. happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support in our happiness forum ■ self-develop with free online classes in our Academy Biology | Sustainability | Biotechnology Written by Ed Gould Ed Gould is a UK-based journalist and practitioner of Reiki.

Self-forgiveness is important for our mental health and overall well-being, research suggests. Sonia Vadlamani explains the seven steps you can take to learn how to forgive yourself and move forward to lead a happier, more meaningful life. ‘To err is human, but to forgive is divine’ as the age-old saying goes. Indeed, it’s a fact of life that we all make mistakes. However, learning from these errors, letting go of the negative emotions attached to them – such as guilt, resentment, shame – and moving on by practising self-forgiveness is crucial for our well-being and happiness. Forgiveness, or the deliberate choice to let go of anger, regret or revenge towards someone who may have wronged you, can be a helpful healing tool. However, often people don’t realize that forgiving themselves is a viable choice that they can put in practice. In addition, while forgiving others for their wrongdoings can come easily to us, we usually find it much harder to condone our own mistakes from the past and practise self-forgiveness. Contrary to what you may assume, self-forgiveness doesn’t mean that you’re off the hook for your past bad behavior. It doesn’t even mean that the action you regret needs to be tolerated further or forgotten. Instead, forgiving yourself entails accepting and taking accountability for your misdirected actions, thoughts or feelings. Indeed, self-forgiveness involves knowing that you can’t change your past behaviour/s, but are willing to come to terms with the wrongful act and consequently, let go of the past. Why self-forgiveness is essential Self-forgiveness does not always come easy, as it requires us to acknowledge and accept some uncomfortable facts or feelings. However, it is essential to know how to forgive yourself, as dwelling in negative feelings like guilt, shame, frustration and anger can take a toll on our mental health and physical well-being. Dwelling in these feelings can lead to self-hatred, impacting our well-being and happiness levels. In fact, research points out that the ability to forgive yourself with greater ease is directly linked to higher overall well-being levels. Additionally, researchers Michael Wohl et al suggest that higher levels of self-forgiveness can also serve as a protective shield from conditions like depression, post-traumatic stress disorder and anxiety. Self-forgiveness is linked to higher levels of happiness Indeed, self-forgiveness entails some degree of cognitive reframing of one’s views about themselves. Researcher Margaret R Holmgren suggests that the ability to forgive ourselves allows us to recognize our intrinsic worth and its independence from our wrongdoing. This means that over time and with consistent practice, we can forgive ourselves with greater ease and lead a stress-free, productive and meaningful life. How to forgive yourself: 7 steps Forgiveness doesn’t just benefit others you’ve wronged or were unfair to, but is beneficial for you as well. In fact, self-forgiveness allows you to develop deeper perception regarding your actions and thoughts. Learning how to forgive yourself enables you to move forward with a better understanding of how you react in different situations, strengthening your resolve to prevent such behavior in the future. Learning how to forgive someone How to let go of resentment 12 ways to practise self-acceptance Indeed, forgiving yourself constitutes an important part of correcting your wrongful actions or behavior for the future course. However, research points out that self-forgiveness doesn’t happen unintentionally, but is a conscious effort that relies on a carefully devised, stepwise approach. Here are seven steps suggested to help you exercise self-forgiveness, including undertaking suitable actions for making necessary changes in your behavior. 1. Define what forgiveness means to you Self-forgiveness holds different meanings for different people, even though the end goal remains the same, which is to come to terms with our actions or feelings from the past, instead of wallowing in regret, guilt or shame. Our definition of self-forgiveness usually stems from our personal beliefs, value systems, family, religious ideology, etc. “It is essential to know how to forgive yourself, as dwelling in negative feelings like guilt, shame, frustration and anger can take a toll on our mental health and physical well-being.” For example, for me, I’ve understood over the years that self-forgiveness involves coming clean and apologizing sincerely to the person I may have hurt, no matter how difficult or trivial it may seem at the time. Understand what forgiveness means to you and proceed to define it in a clear manner, so that you can devise the approach that aligns best with your thought process and values. 2. Recognize your feelings This step requires you to sort through the various emotions you experience when you recollect a wrongful action committed in the past and acknowledge the feelings you identify with the most at the moment. Set aside some time to experience each feeling without any judgment, as you recount your wrongful action or unfair behavior that’s bothering your conscience. Resist the temptation to deny acknowledgement of your feelings due to shame or guilt, as ignoring these emotions can cause further inner turmoil. On the other hand, acknowledging these feelings will help you gain a deeper insight, allowing you to forgive yourself and possibly prevent such situations from arising in the future. 3. Take responsibility for your actions This may prove to be the most challenging step, especially because accepting the fact that you made a mistake or acted unfairly isn’t always an easy feat. However, it can’t be denied that acknowledging your mistakes and assuming responsibility for the same is the steadiest way to forgive yourself for your unjust behavior in the past. Taking the time to acknowledge your missteps also allows you to gain an in-depth perspective about your reaction to various stimuli and vulnerabilities. This will enable you to move forward in life and may help improve your composure during unforeseen situations in the future. 4. Apologize with sincerity A sincere, heartfelt apology makes a significant impact when it comes to self-forgiveness or forgiving others, according to a 2021 study from Japan's Kobe Gakuin University. Researchers there reviewed the effect of different types of apologies on various conflict resolution situations. Apologizing for your actions conveys your regret regarding the pain you may have inflicted on someone. It shows that you reflected on your mistake, acknowledge the emotions of someone who was wronged, and are willing to act in a different way in the future to avoid a similar mistake. Apologizing to others help with your own self-forgiveness shutterstock/fizkes 5. Draw focus onto the lessons learnt Forgiving yourself will truly be possible when you’re ready to learn from your mistakes and wrongful acts in the past. Instead of constantly criticizing or condemning yourself, strive to understand what causes the behaviors which you may later regret. Learn from your vulnerability, fears and failures by reflecting on questions like, “Why does this situation lead me to act in a certain manner?”, “How can I deal with this situation more gracefully?” or “How do I rectify my default reaction should this scenario arise again?” 6. Make meaningful amends Once you’ve acknowledged your mistakes and apologized, consider what else you can do to resolve the mistake, and devise an action plan to achieve it. For instance, when I realized that sometimes my witty quips end up offending or hurting people around me, I decided to simply be more mindful about the way I put my thoughts into words. After all, there isn’t a way to take back the words we’ve already uttered, but it’s possible to prevent the hurt and misunderstandings if we communicate respectfully and with kindness in the first place. “Higher levels of self-forgiveness can also serve as a protective shield from conditions like depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, and anxiety.” Bringing about meaningful changes in your behavior and actions can help you shift your focus from mistakes of the past to working towards a more effective solution for the future. 7. Be compassionate Have you ever noticed that we tend to be harder on ourselves, and find it easier to forgive others than ourselves for the wrongs of the past? Carole Pertofsky, Director Emerita for Wellness and Health Promotion at Stanford University, implies that we are prone to self-criticism and tend to judge ourselves harshly while mistaking it for self-discipline, which makes it difficult for us to exercise self-compassion. “Self-forgiveness is treating yourself as you would treat your own friend,” Pertofsky told Scope, the Stanford Medicine magazine. “It is a skill that involves mind, body, heart and action,” she continues. Indeed, we can learn to treat ourselves with compassion by embracing our imperfections and work towards living a life without regret. Takeaway: self-forgiveness Self-forgiveness may not come easily to most of us, as it needs us to acknowledge uncomfortable feelings, and serves to remind us of our flawed nature. However, coming to terms with your imperfections and forgiving yourself for any wrongdoing can positively impact several areas of your life. Learning how to forgive yourself with greater ease is an essential skill that requires some introspection and practice. Implementing these steps for self-forgiveness in practice will equip you to act more responsibly in the future, in addition to teaching you to exercise mindfulness and inculcate gratitude in everyday life. • happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Join free now and: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine ■ share and support in our happiness forum ■ Develop with free online Academy classes Communication skills | Trust | Empathy Written by Sonia Vadlamani Fitness and healthy food blogger, food photographer and stylist, travel-addict and future self journaler. Sonia loves to write and has resolved to dedicate her life to revealing how easy and important it is to be happier, stronger and fitter each day. Follow her daily pursuits at FitFoodieDiary or on Instagram.