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Like most of us, Dee Marques spent more time inside at home during the pandemic. It gave her the opportunity to discover the power of pottering – leisurely carrying out small tasks and activities without pressure. Here she shares the benefits it can bring to you. The lockdowns we went through during the COVID pandemic meant many of us spending time indoors trying to keep ourselves entertained. As someone used to an outdoorsy lifestyle spent in nature, I found it tough to find meaningful things to do. That was until a friend said she kept herself occupied by simply pottering around her house most of the day. I tried it, and found it too rewarding to keep it all to myself! So, What Exactly is Pottering Around? Pottering around is all about keeping busy at a leisurely pace, without feeling the need to have specific plans for things that need to be achieved. It’s about letting your eyes wander around your home and finding things that could be done, instead of having a pre-planned list of tasks in your mind. So, in my case, when I first discovered pottering about I started by sorting my fabric stash by colour and then moved onto my button stash. Next, I went to the kitchen to make myself a coffee and put all the bagged spices into glass jars, then picked some rosemary from the garden and setting it to dry. That’s what it’s like to potter around: finding enjoyable tasks that don’t feel like a chore; little jobs you want to do, not tasks that you have to do. Perhaps things you haven't had time to get around to doing due to a busy life. “Pottering around is all about keeping busy at a leisurely pace, without feeling the need to have specific plans for things that need to be achieved.” Pottering around is also about choosing activities that you can look back on and admire or enjoy, and about allowing yourself to jump from one thing to another without feeling guilty about it. However, scrolling down your phone or sitting in front of the TV doesn't count as pottering around! Indeed, keep your pottering digital free as much as possible and you’ll find it much more rewarding this way. So, Why Give Pottering Around a Go? I’ve come to think of pottering as a coping strategy. Sometimes we feel overwhelmed or anxious, and while there’s no right way of dealing with these feelings, the more tools we have, the better our ability to weather the storm. In fact, pottering around can really help when we feel outside of our comfort zone. How? Here are six examples: 1. It promotes mindfulness Pottering about includes some elements of mindfulness, such as the commitment to be intentional and aware of the present. It’s also similar to mindfulness in that it’s a conscious way of using our time, encourages relaxation and non-striving. indeed, there’s enormous freedom in realizing that we don’t always have to fill our spare time trying to achieve something. Tidying your wardrobe is a perfect pottering task 2. It helps us rediscover beauty Potter around for a while and you’ll start to discover pleasure and beauty in small things. In my case, I realised how rewarding it was to arrange fabric by colour; how delightful it was to find little differences in colour shade or intensity. It’s something I’d probably have never experienced if I hadn’t decided to potter about, and for that I am grateful. 3. It helps us go slow Pottering about can help you learn to pace your routine and slow down a notch. It’s so relieving to finally understand that we don’t always have to be speeding onto the next thing and running from deadline to deadline. “Potter around for a while and you’ll discover pleasure and beauty in small things. Pottering helps you learn to pace your routine and slow down a notch. Time is a luxury, so treat yourself by learning to take things slowly. Pottering around isn’t goal-oriented and so it can be considered part of slow living, which has multiple benefits, from better digestive health to a more positive mindset. 4. It helps us reassess productivity Linked to this is the fact that pottering can help us re-assess what it means to be productive. You can say there’s 'normal' (or productive) time and time to potter about. Both have their own advantages, but the thing with productive time is that we can only keep at it for so long before fatigue or burnout set in. This is why it’s important to balance it with time to just potter around. MORE LIKE THIS: The 6 Science-Backed Benefits of Living Simply The Power of Silence. 10 Benefits of Cultivating Peace and Quiet How to Practise Niksen: the Art of Doing Nothing 5. It can help in reducing stress I’ve already said that pottering isn't doing nothing at all, it’s an active pursuit that entails movement without the rush we usually associate with 'being on the move'. There’s plenty of evidence confirming the benefits of controlled and slow-paced physical movement. For example, practices like tai chi are sometimes described as 'medication in motion' that can reduce stress and improve cardiovascular health. Pottering around in the garden 6. It's simple! You can jump straight into pottering around, since you don’t need anything special to get started and it’s not like taking up a hobby that requires specific gear or tools. If you want to potter about, just look around and you’ll find plenty of simple things you can do with what you already have. Some Ideas For Pottering Around OK, so now you the benefits of pottering about, here is some inspiration to get you kick-started into action: Gardening or landscaping – without any pressure Going for a mindful walk Writing a thank you note to a friend Sorting out your fabric or yarn stash Grinding favourite coffee beans Neatly folding the clothes in your dresser Organising your tool box Cleaning and sorting the cutlery drawer Hanging a bird feeder in your balcony or patio Making some DIY potpourri Enjoying your very own tea ceremony or ritual Reorganising the book shelves Going through recipe books and finding new dishes to try Polishing jewellery Polishing wooden surfaces Oiling those squeaky door hinges Tackling “the bag of bags”: that plastic bag full of other plastic bags we all have! Creating a music playlist for working, relaxing, or reading One last suggestion is to keep track of all the good things that happen once you allow yourself time to potter. This will generate awareness and appreciation for this way of using time, and you may discover something new about yourself too. The Takeaway: the Power of Pottering Around Pottering around is a great coping strategy that you can turn into healing self-care sessions where you experience time without pressure and learn to just be. So, are you ready to become a potterer? Give it a try, discover the magic of pottering about, and find peace, contentment and happiness. ● Images: shutterstock/goodluz, shutterstock/Kostikova Natalia happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum Stress management | Healthy habits Written by Dee Marques A social sciences graduate with a keen interest in languages, communication and personal development strategies. Dee loves exercising, being out in nature, and discovering warm and sunny places where she can escape the winter.

Feeling overwhelmed by modern life? Choosing to live more simply could be a good move to improve your happiness. Calvin Holbrook explores how to live a simple life and digs into the science behind the benefits it can bring, such as finding your purpose and increased focus. Since hitting my 40s, the idea of living simply appeals to me more than ever. While residing in large cities has provided plenty of opportunities for entertainment and excitement, I feel increasingly overwhelmed and anxious by excess noise, over-stimulation, distractions, and ever-increasing crowds. As a result, I find myself seeking out a quieter, more simplistic way of life – being closer to nature in a peaceful setting. While some of you may be thinking to do the same, living a simple life doesn’t have to mean shacking up alone in a log cabin in the middle of nowhere (although that actually sounds quite appealing). In fact, there are many practical and not-so-drastic ways of living simply – and the benefits of doing so are proven by science. Living simply can allow for more family quality time So-called 'simple living' or ‘voluntary simplicity' is a recognized lifestyle steeped in history; one that minimizes consumption and the pursuit of wealth and material goods. Individuals choose voluntary simplicity in order to attain a more modest and meaningful life. Many religious groups, including the monastic orders from the Middle Ages to the modern-day Amish and Quakers include simple living as an essential element of teachings. More recently, the modern simplicity movement arose from the counterculture movement in the 1960s and 1970s. Then, in 1981, this movement gained a new moniker with the release of Duane Elgin’s book Voluntary Simplicity. In it, he explained the virtues of “a way of life that is outwardly simple, inwardly rich.” During the 1990s, the concept of minimalism, which includes elements of simple living, also became popular. How Can I Live a Simple Life? While minimalism is mainly focused on reducing or giving up possessions, living a simple life includes other elements. Choosing simplification creates a life filled with meaning; a life lived on your own terms. It helps create the time and space to pursue your true interests and passions. Living simply flies in the face of the common values of the Western world. Living a simple life means stripping away the non-essential stuff to focus your time and energy on the things that matter the most to you. Is it OK to Just Live a Simple Life? If you're here reading this then you must already be curious about how to live a simple life! Conditioning by Western society often makes us believe success as being connected to wealth, possessions and achievements: all things that take effort. By the time we become adults, it can be hard to let that perception go which is one reason why you may feel hesitant about living a simple life instead. A lot of this fear is connected to the ego. “Living a simple life doesn’t just mean giving up your possessions. Choosing simplification creates a life filled with meaning, a life lived on your own terms.” By choosing to live a simple life, we reduce the nonessentials in our lives and often reduce stress and anxiety as well. We also make more intentional choices about our diet, exercise, and overall well-being. Simplicity allows us to prioritize self-care and mindfulness, which are essential for a healthy, balanced life. Living a Simple Life: 6 Key Benefits Moving to the countryside or living by the sea is a dream for myself and many others. And while the pandemic and improved technology have led to more opportunities for remote working, many of us can't simply take the leap and uproot due to family commitments. But – regardless of where you're living – there are many practical steps you can take to simplify your life and feeling the benefits. Some simple practical things you can to do start living a more simple life include: reducing possessions (have a clear out and donate) being mindful of future new purchases limiting your time on social media and smartphones switching off notifications learning to say no – stop attending events you’re indifferent about eliminating multitasking establish a daily routine appreciating nature more spend time alone with yourself Practice mindful eating Enjoy the art of simply doing nothing Doing some or all of these things can bring you great benefits and happiness. So, let’s take a more detailed look at six key benefits of how to live a simple life, backed up by science. 1. Simplify your life to learn more about yourself When you’re not distracting yourself with social media, binging Netflix, shopping for another gadget, or filling your diary with must-do events, you’re giving yourself the time and mental space to be grateful for what you already have – as well as creating the opportunity to reflect and learn more about yourself. In fact, living simply can help us find meaning and grow spiritually, as it shifts the focus away from material possessions and helps us look inwardly. It helps to create more silence – and even solitude – prime factors for spiritual reflection. RELATED: The Power of Silence: 10 Benefits of Cultivating Peace and Quiet Of course, sometimes reflecting on our lives and who we are can be as uncomfortable as it is rewarding, but ultimately it helps to focus on what gives our life purpose and meaning, and what we want to do with the rest of our lives. In turn, living a meaningful life has been to shown to increase happiness levels. 2. A simpler lifestyle can improve relationships In his essay Voluntary Simplicity: Characterization, Select Psychological Implications, and Societal Consequences, Amitai Etzioli argues that when we stop focusing our time on acquiring material possessions, we’re more likely to focus on relationships. Likewise, spending excessive time on social media or being occupied all the time can mean other relationships suffer. So, if we remove or reduce these distractors we free up more time to spend with friends and family and build meaningful connections – one of the 10 keys to happiness. Modest living focuses you on what really matters in life Additionally, developing a more simple way of life may mean editing your friendship group. Perhaps you have lots of different friends that you spend time doing different actives with, for example, the 'party' friend, the 'shopping' friend, the 'gym buddy'. By simplifying your life and doing less, it could mean shifting your focus to having fewer, higher-quality friendships and closer relationships. The interaction between you may also be more sincere, as you will be free of the need to impress. RELATED: Why Friendship Goals Matter and How to Achieve Them How to Get Over a Friendship Breakup: 7 Steps When to End a Friendship and How to Do it With Kindness In turn, there are health benefits attached to simplifying your friendships. Various studies have found that developing strong, solid friendships can reduce your illness risk – from being less likely to get a common cold to having a lower risk of developing obesity or heart disease. A 2017 Harvard study also found that keeping close friends could promote brain health as we grow older. 3. Simple living boosts your bank balance In many developed countries, the disparity between what we buy and what we need leads to overconsumption. This both drains the Earth’s resources and accelerates climate change. Voluntary simplicity is a lifestyle choice that minimizes consumption and the pursuit of wealth and material goods. Simplifying your life by reducing consumption means you will spend – and potentially owe – less. The benefits of financial independence can include less stress and worry, and consequently better sleep. Indeed, according to a UK study from 2018, money worries are a huge issue, affecting 40 per cent of the population. To limit your consumption, firstly, take time to look at your outgoings and consider what you need to spend your cash on. Those daily takeaway coffees? Upgrades to the latest iPhone or Samsung? Netflix and apps subscriptions? That gym membership you hardly ever use? ““Living simply can help us find meaning and grow spiritually, as it shifts the focus away from material possessions and helps us to look inwardly.” There are so many chances to minimize spending, so cancel what you don’t need and change your habits. Additionally, you may be being charged for subscriptions for things you’ve totally forgotten about, so take some step to go through your bank statements and check what's going out every month. Secondly, aim to eliminate any existing debt you have and simply live within your means. Stop using credit cards and, instead, develop a monthly budget. Thirdly, if you’ve decided to simplify your belongings, make yourself some extra money by selling unwanted stuff on eBay, or simply donating things to charity. What's more, if you decide to simplify your social life to focus on things such as reconnecting with nature, walking, meditation, etc, this will also benefit your bank balance – because most of these things are free. 4. Living simply is great for your health Living a simplistic lifestyle can also be beneficial to your physical and mental health. A 2014 study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found a link between materialism and poor physical health. The team, from Knox College, Illinois, also found an even stronger link between materialism and engagement in risky behaviors that could damage physical health, such as drinking alcohol, smoking and drug use. So, it follows that the reverse – having a non-materialistic attitude – could be positive for health. RELATED: Being Teetotal: 9 Benefits of Living Alcohol-Free This theory was backed up in an unpublished survey from the University of the Sciences in Pennsylvania. It found that 90 per cent of people who identified as coming from the simple living movement reported improved physical health after choosing to make a change to earn less money. Almost as many respondents also claimed that their mental health also improved. Simple living means less stress and increased rest The reasons for this could be due to the fact that developing a more simplistic lifestyle often means less stress and increased rest. This benefits could come from spending more time with friends/family, getting more physical activity, and changing jobs to find something more fulfilling and less money-orientated. MORE LIKE THIS: Gazing at the Stars: Replacing Worries With Wonder Living on a Houseboat Wild Swimming: Health Benefits of Open Water Additionally, voluntary simplifiers often make a move away from big urban hubs to the countryside or seaside, which also has potential health benefits. A 2012 study from the University of Exeter showed that coastal populations in the UK are healthier than those inland, believed to be party due to the stress relief of living by the sea and greater opportunities for physical activity. The coast also offers cleaner, healthier air, which helps to promote better sleep (also essential for good mental health). 5. Simplistic living means increased focus Reducing possessions and commitments correlates to a reduction in distractions and therefore less physical – and mental – clutter. As you simplify your life and remove distractions, you create space to breathe and focus more carefully on what remains. In fact, the physical reduction of clutter in your home has been proven to boost concentration. Researchers at the Princeton University Neuroscience Institute studied the effects of clutter and published the results in the Journal of Neuroscience. They concluded that clearing clutter from your home and work environments increased the ability to focus and process information effectively. Their research also showed that an uncluttered space led to people feeling less irritable, more productive and less distracted. “How to live a simple life? It means stripping away the non-essential stuff to focus your time and energy on the things that matter the most to you.” Simplifying your life by focusing on one task at a time, rather than multitasking, can also boost concentration. Multitasking used to be championed as effective, but Psychology Today reports that in reality it can decrease productivity levels by up to 40 per cent. Many of us are constantly switched on to multiple technologies: on average, we check our mobile phones every 12 minutes, causing further distractions and interruptions which affect our ability to concentrate. Choose to simplify life and learn how to avoid distractions by limiting these interruptions: remove or reduce social media usage and switch off annoying pop-up notifications. 6. Living a simple life helps the environment While the benefits of living simply described here are clear for the individual, the wider environment also benefits. It’s been previously suggested that if everyone on Earth consumed as much as the average US citizen, four Earths would be needed to sustain the population. So, consuming less and having fewer possessions decreases the amount of waste a person produces. In fact, there are many practical ways you can change you habits to live more simply and help the environment. Buying less clothes is a great place to start. Thanks to fast fashion, the textile industry is now one of the biggest environmental polluters and consumes energy throughout the supply chain. Donate old clothing to decrease consumption Indeed, humans consume 400 per cent more clothes than they did just two decades ago. About 80 billion pieces of clothing are consumed annually, and the US alone produces 11 million tons of textile waste each year. So, instead of buying cheap fashions, seek out more durable outfits that will last, and if they no longer fit, place unwanted clothes in a material recycling bin or donate – never just throw them away. As consumers we rarely consider the context and impact when buying products, for example, considering the workers and factories that made a product, the journey to the store a product made, how the packaging was produced, etc. Living a simple life means becoming more mindful of what you consume and thinking more about a product’s journey and environmental impact, therefore making more considered purchases. The Takeaway: How to Live a Simple Life According to the Chinese philosopher Confucius, “Life is really simple but we insist on making it complicated.” I would have to agree. For me, it's clear these science-backed benefits of living a simpler life are enormous and can only add to our increased happiness. Simple living and sustainable living go hand-in-hand, and having a healthier environment will also lead to better health for generations to come. So, rather than buying more and more stuff, consider spending more of your time and money on experiences: they leave only memories and nothing in the trash can. ● Images: shutterstock/wavebreakmedia, shutterstock/Monkey Business Images happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practice, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine ■ share and support in our happiness forum Sport & Physical Activity | Purpose of Life | Community Living Written by Calvin Holbrook Calvin edits our online magazine, loves swimming, yoga, dancing to house/techno, and all things vintage! He also works as a collage artist.

There are many different types of Buddhism. Ann Vrlak explains the unique components of the main four Buddhist branches: Theravada, Mahayana, Vajrayana, and Chan/Zen. You don’t need to wear a robe or shave your head to explore Buddhism. This worldwide religion is practiced by people who want tools to live more simply and mindfully, all the way to those who want to dive deep into a more spiritual lifestyle. To take a quick look back, Buddhism was born over 2,500 years ago in the region now known as northern India. With the help of a vast web of trade routes, Buddhism spread across Asia, and eventually around the world. The Buddha’s teachings were influenced by the various cultures they came into contact with, to create many different forms of Buddhism. These adaptations are both cultural and personal. For example, a culture might place high value on community. Or, someone might have a personal value of individual responsibility. The good news is, the branches of Buddhism now offer a doorway for everyone to enter. Buddhism has multiple branches: which suits you best? Let's take a look at the four most prominent types of Buddhism: Theravada, Mahayana, Vajrayana and Chan/Zen Buddhism. 1. Theravada Buddhism If you’re drawn to learning about personal awakening and responsibility, Theravada is the branch of buddhism to begin with. It is the oldest surviving branch of Buddhism and the most traditional, practiced primarily in Southeast Asia: Thailand, Laos, Sri Lanka, Myanmar and Cambodia. Theravada Buddhism has a structured, disciplined approach to spiritual growth. Building self-awareness is key – examining how the teachings are reflected in your unique life circumstances and challenges. “If you’re drawn to learning about personal awakening and responsibility, Theravada buddhism is the place to begin. It is the oldest surviving branch of Buddhism.” This school of Buddhism has a foundation of deep practice, always favouring direct experience over conceptual understanding. The ultimate goal is individual enlightenment: liberation from suffering. Theravada Buddhism is grounded and practical, with insight and mindfulness meditation as the central practices. They are integrated into daily living, as well as long periods of meditation and contemplation. This intense practice is honourable, whether it’s done by those on the monastic path or everyday practitioners. In a nutshell Theravada offers a step-by-step, structured approach to personal awakening. 2. Mahayana Buddhism The “Great Vehicle” is used to describe Mahayana Buddhism. Mahayana expanded from India, into China, Japan, Vietnam and Korea to become one of the most influential schools of Buddhism. While Theravada puts individual enlightenment at the centre of its philosophy and practice, Mahayana believes the goal is awakening for the sake of all beings. In fact, Mahayana sees individual enlightenment as a contradiction or misunderstanding. To highlight that perspective, this type of Buddhism uses the core idea of the bodhisattva. This is someone who devotes themselves to practice not only for themselves, but for others. In fact, the selflessness of the bodhisattva is said to be so pure they “hold themselves back” from total enlightenment until all beings can join them. Meditation is a key component of Theravada Buddhism For Mahayana Buddhists, development of compassion is given equal importance to wisdom. True wisdom is not realized, unless it is interwoven with compassion. So, Mahayana practice focuses more on a direct awakening of the heart. There is a wide range of practices and texts, based on the belief that there are many “skillful means” to open one’s heart. Practices include chanting, visualizations and devotions. In a nutshell If placing compassion at the centre of your spiritual life feels best to you, embracing the benefits to others, begin with the Mahayana branch of Buddhism. 3. Vajrayana Buddhism Vajrayana Buddhism grew out of the Mahayana tradition and is its most elaborate form. If you have seen any of the Dalai Lama’s rituals or temples, you had a glimpse of the complex world of Vajrayana Buddhism: mandalas, sand paintings, deities, symbols and chanting. This “Diamond Vehicle” of Buddhism came to its most intricate expression in Tibet and the Himalayan Regions of Nepal and Northern India. “Which type of Buddhism calls to you? Each has its own way to understand and engage with our human experience.” It is these rituals and objects that differentiate Vajrayana Buddhism from other schools of Buddhism. These are much more than symbolic.They are intended to directly affect your mind and energy. Contemplating a mandala, for example, does not engage your thinking mind. It resonates with a deeper way of seeing life’s patterns. This branch of Buddhism, more than others, is considered a serious commitment that depends on a relationship with a teacher. In a nutshell If you’d like to learn a casual meditation practice, one of the other types of Buddhism is best. Vajrayana Buddhism is for you if you want to dedicate yourself to consistent inner work with an established teacher. 4. Chan/Zen Buddhism Now, we go to the other end of the complexity spectrum to Chan/Zen Buddhism. In both China (Chan Buddhism) and later in Japan (Zen Buddhism), practitioners wanted a stripped-down, essential spiritual philosophy and practice. Chan/Zen Buddhism centres on ideas that might sound familiar to you: simplicity and mindfulness in everyday activities, and direct experience of the awakened view through disruptive practices. Let’s briefly look at these concepts, especially the latter. Mindfulness is core to Chan/Zen Buddhism Chan/Zen encourages mindfulness and practices around every action you take; honouring everything, no matter how small. This idea is behind tea ceremonies and creation of rock gardens. When you do simple, mundane activities, with full attention and reverence, something rich shines through. RELATED: Visualization Meditation: How to Practice it Do Buddhists Believe in God? What Goes Around Comes Around: is Karma Real? Koans are one of Chan/Zen’s most infamous tools. These are paradoxical sayings that your mind can’t untangle, so not only does it become frustrated, but it temporarily “goes offline.” When your day-to-day mind lets go, a direct experience of reality breaks through. In a nutshell If using tools to bypass your usual way of thinking is exciting to you, try Chan/Zen koans. They are creative, surprising ways to wake up your mind. Chan/Zen Buddhism is also a powerful way to begin a practice that embraces mindfulness of everyday actions. Takeaway: Types of Buddhism Which branch of Buddhism calls to you? Each has its own way to understand and engage with our human experience. The four types of Buddhism we have talked about here offer a doorway in for people with different goals and personalities. And, if you want to explore, there's no reason you can’t try all of them. See which buddhism type supports you best in areas you care about – and that might be different at different stages of your life. Curiosity is all you need to begin. ● Images: shutterstock/Dilok Klaisataporn, shutterstock/Christophe Badouet, shutterstock/Microgen happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum Gratitude | Altruism | Acceptance | Ethics & Morals Written by Ann Vrlak Ann Vrlak is Founder of OneSelf Meditation and a meditation practitioner for over 25 years. She’s a Certified Meditation Teacher for adults and for children (the best job ever!). She loves to share how the perspective and practice of meditation can support people with their everyday stresses and on their journey of self-discovery.

Positive energizers are optimistic souls that naturally radiate good vibes to others. Psychologist Stanislava Puač J. offers up the 7 traits of positive energizers and explains how you can nurture more positive relational energy in your life, building happiness. I recently came across the notion of positive relational energy and I immediately remembered something that happened during my college volunteer days. We were working with emotionally heavy cases – stories of trauma and disadvantage that stayed with you long after the day ended. One evening, our team met to report on progress, and we were all visibly drained. One of the coordinators walked in, carrying a tray of mismatched mugs and those overly sweet 3-in-1 instant coffee packs we all secretly loved. But it wasn’t the coffee that lit up the room – she cracked a soft joke about how we ourselves were one emotional breakdown away from qualifying for group therapy, and – genuinely – asked how we were doing. Energy is contagious: positive energizers know it! Of course, that moment didn’t change much in the burden we were carrying. But you could clearly see how the energy shifted. We laughed together and the heaviness dissipated. We all grabbed that straw of optimism and held on to it. If a conversation such as this has ever left you feeling unexpectedly lighter, you’ve probably felt the effects of positive relational energy. Let’s unpack what this concept means, how it works, and how you can become one of these people with positive, contagious energy. What Is Positive Relational Energy? Energy is contagious; I intuitively knew that all of my life. Some people walk into a room and lift the entire emotional atmosphere. Others literally drain life force out of you. “Positive relational energy refers to the uplifting and energizing effect that some people have on others. In simpler terms, when we interact, we exchange not only information but also a dynamic flow of energy.” This interpersonal effect is known as relational energy – a term Kim Cameron explored in detail. According to him, positive relational energy refers to the uplifting and energizing effect that some people have on others. In simpler terms, when we interact, we exchange not only information but also a dynamic flow of energy: Positive relational energy is the kind that inspires, motivates, and leaves people feeling better. It’s more than optimism or a forced “good vibes” act. It is grounded in genuine empathy, presence, and authentic connection. On the other hand, negative relational energy manifests as cynicism, constant complaining, competitiveness, or emotional withdrawal. We often label these people energy vampires (because even short interactions with them can leave you mentally and emotionally exhausted). Although Cameron focuses primarily on the effects of positive relational energy in leadership, this vibrant and uplifting exchange can occur naturally in all forms of communication, for example: A family member’s supportive presence can de-escalate conflict or reinforce bonding. A positive energizer can make friends feel secure, seen, and recharged – turning even ordinary moments into sources of connection and strength. In psychotherapy, we can also say that we rely on such positive relational energy to form rapport. So, in essence, relational energy is that invisible current we exchange during shared experiences. 7 Qualities of Someone with Positive Relational Energy Positive relational energy is more than that instinctive feeling that energy is contagious. In fact, it is measurable – and it has been measured – as well as its effects. Within a work environment, research suggests that teams with more positive energizers are more productive, resilient, and cohesive. According to the same study, leaders who create positive relational energy “display humility, authenticity, work passion, humor, trust, spiritual leadership, and servant leadership.” Let’s examine how these individuals’ positivity is contagious and what traits they possess: 1. They’re emotionally attuned Positive energizers are also empaths. They notice how others feel and have high emotional intelligence. They have an emotional radar that picks up others’ discomfort, disengagement, or tension. And most importantly, they respond with warmth and non-judgment. 2. They listen deeply People endowed with positive relational energy make people feel heard. They nod, reflect, and create a safe space. They go beyond active listening and give the kind of attention that says: “You matter.” Deep listening is a key trait of positive energizers 3. They elevate rather than compete It is not always easy to genuinely celebrate others’ wins. Envy is defined as “an unpleasant, often painful emotion characterized by feelings of inferiority, hostility, and resentment caused by an awareness of a desired attribute enjoyed by another person or group,” by researchers who reviewed empirical and theoretical work on this feeling. “Choosing to be a positive energizer doesn’t mean denying stress or sugarcoating reality. It is about appreciating the beauty of life and passing that appreciation onto others.” Despite its negative hue, most of us tend to experience envy at some point in our lives. Positive energizers, conversely, don’t rely on comparison to feel worthy. Their energy reinforces mutual success, not status games. 4. They radiate solution-focused optimism People whose positivity is contagious also have bad days. However, they don’t focus on problems – but on paths guiding everyone out of trouble. Their default tone is constructive, not corrosive. 5. They use humor wisely Positive energizers know when to bring lightheartedness – as well as when not to. A light, playful remark at the right moment can defuse tension, and these individuals know just the right dose of humor. 6. They’re generous with genuine praise and gratitude Praise, appreciation, and gratitude can have a profoundly positive impact on both the giver and the receiver. If someone carries that positive relational energy, they will notice what’s going right and say it out loud. In this way, their contagious energy boosts not only individual moods but also team morale. RELATED: Happy Habits: 12 Ways to Build Joy Levels Daily The Power of Kindness: the Ripple Effect of Being Nice When Life Gives You Lemons, Try Lemonading! 7. They model integrity and trust People feel safe around a person whose positivity is contagious. Why? They behave in this manner in all life situations. They are consistently positive and respectful. That safety is part of the energy they radiate. How Can I Develop More Positive Relational Energy? You don’t need to be born as a positive energiser. Much like empathy or leadership, positive relational energy can be nurtured. Here’s how you can take the traits outlined above and turn them into intentional habits and small, everyday actions: 1. Enter the room with intentional awareness The foundation for positive energy exchange is mindful presence. Start building awareness of yourself and your effect on others. You can try to: Take a mental note of how your mood might be affecting others whenever you interact with them. Pause before meetings or conversations to ask yourself: “What energy am I bringing into this space?” Be conscious of your non-verbal communication, too (body language, gestures, etc). 2. Rewire your internal world and fill it with gratitude Gratitude shifts your focus from a scarcity to an abundance mindset – and people feel that shift. What is more, it becomes contagious. These are some of the practices you can try: A quick “what went well today” reflection at the end of each day. Expressing appreciation out loud, even for small things. 3. Use listening as a relational tool, not just a social skill We often think we’re listening when we’re really just waiting for our turn to speak! When you intentionally listen, it is not a void space – active and mindful listening creates energy. To develop in this area: Release the need to mentally script your response. Offer simple reflections like, “That sounds tough,” or “You seem excited about this.” 4. Become a calm source of momentum People with positive relational energy aren’t relentlessly cheerful and bubbly. However, they tend not to cling to their problems. Here are a couple of ideas on how to develop that forward-focused mindset and “infect” others with it: Practice asking “What’s one small thing we can do next?” when conversations spiral into frustration. Stay curious and open, rather than critical. Spread good vibes to others through positive relational energy 5. Infuse lightness without losing depth Humor isn’t just about making people laugh. It’s about reminding others (and yourself) that not everything is heavy all the time. Moreover, it has been proven to facilitate relationship-building. So, start using yours to promote positive relational energy and: Sprinkle in jokes, harmless observations, or share uplifting stories. Use playful tones as emotional palate cleansers during tough conversations. 6. Forgive (with boundaries) Even if we think we’re good at hiding it, unresolved resentment leaks into interactions. “People with positive relational energy aren’t relentlessly cheerful and bubbly. However, they tend not to cling to their problems.” Of course, we’re not promoting letting someone off the hook if what they did was terribly wrong. Still, forgiveness sets you free to relate more fully if the transgression wasn’t that severe (if it was, you are fully entitled to set healthy boundaries). How to practice forgiveness intentionally? Practice small acts of emotional release (journaling or reframing). 7. Treat consistency as a superpower To be energizing, you need to make others feel safe around you. In other words, it is about being steady, respectful, and present. Here’s how: Show up in a way that people can count on, even when you’re tired. Guard your integrity, so others will know it’s safe to follow your lead. Takeaway: Choose to Radiate Positive Contagious Energy Whether we realize it or not, we’re constantly transmitting. Our voice, demeanour, and words form an energetic signature that affects those around us. Most of the time, we don’t think about this too much. Yet, if you want to be that positive, energizing force in the world, you can deliberately change how you radiate. Choosing to be a positive energizer doesn’t mean denying stress or sugarcoating reality. It is about appreciating the beauty of life and passing that appreciation onto others. It is the kind of contagious energy that brings about genuine change. ● Images: shutterstock/PeopleImages.com - Yuri A, shutterstock/Tint Media, shutterstock/LightField Studios happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ sharing and supporting others in our happiness forum Authenticity | Empathy | Communication skills Written by Stanislava Puač J. Stanislava Puač J. is a psychologist, life coach, and writer with over 15 years of experience exploring how our inner world shapes our interactions, health, and sense of self. Her work blends research, real-life practice, and a holistic view of well-being – spanning emotional regulation, communication, and mindfulness.

Ego death – also known as ego dissolution or ego loss – is a complete loss of subjective self-identity. Rhianna Quanstrom discusses some of the common triggers, such as psychedelic experiences, as well as the signs and symptoms of ego death. The first time I experienced an ego death or dissolution was when I took psychedelics at a party. At the time, I was living a very unhealthy lifestyle and making a lot of poor choices. In fact, I think I was in total self-destruct mode. Why? Because I was fully identified with my mind, thoughts, trauma, and wounds. When I took the psychedelics, it was like the blinders came off. For the first time, I could clearly see that who I was “acting” as was not who I truly was. However, this was not an enjoyable experience. In fact, it was terrifying. I could see the darkness of my life surrounding me like a black cloud. Despite it being a “bad trip,” my life completely changed after that experience. I stopped partying, made new friends, and started living a completely different lifestyle. That pivotal moment launched me onto the path of becoming who I am today. This moment was what's known as an ego death, the first of many I have experienced as I continue to walk a path of healing and awakening. An ego death is a transformative experience in this journey we call life. It can be difficult to understand and even harder to describe. If you’re curious about ego death or perhaps believe you may be going through one yourself, keep reading to understand the symptoms of ego dissolution and the ultimate gift that it can offer. What is an Ego Death? To understand ego death, we must first understand what the ego even is. The ego represents our concept of self, of who we think we are. It contains our identities, beliefs, desires, wounds, conditioning, and worldviews. The ego is represented by "I am" statements, such as "I am (my name)," "I am a (role or gender)," "I believe (in this)," "I enjoy (this)," and "I think (this)." I like to think of it as a mental structure encompassing who we are in this form. It is a normal part of our psychology and human makeup. It helps us present ourselves, participate in the community, and share our unique gifts. Ego death: loss of subjective self-identity The problem is that almost everyone completely identifies with this mental structure as who they truly are. They are their gender, role in society, accomplishments, thoughts, titles, personality, “things,” and income. By completely identifying with our ego structure, we also affirm the illusion of separateness. The ego, by nature, defines how we are separate from others. But this is just the “outward” structure, and there is an essence within this structure that is witnessing and bringing life-force consciousness to it all. Eckhart Tolle relates to this inner essence as our “Being.” Writing inThe Power of Now – his landmark book – Tolle states: “Being is eternal, ever-present One Life beyond the myriad forms of life that are subject to birth and death. However, Being is not only beyond but also deep within every form as its innermost invisible and indestructible essence. This means that it is accessible to you now as your own deepest self, your true nature.” “An ego death or ego dissolution is when our concept of self falls away, and all that we think we are is no longer true. Ego deaths can range in intensity and emotion, but they are often scary and disorienting.” I like to relate to it as my true Divine nature, which is part of and connected to all of life. This essence in me is the same essence within you and within all beings. From this place of knowing, we understand that our mental structures aren’t who we truly are; they are simply the lens or filter through which our true self shines through. As such, an ego death is when our concept of self falls away, and all that we think we are is no longer true. Ego deaths can range in intensity and emotion, but they are often scary and disorienting. This is because one of the main purposes of the ego is to keep us alive and safe! Indeed, we build these egoic structures and beliefs to keep our inner, true self “safe.” So, when we go through a process of realizing that who we think we are isn’t truly who we are, it can feel like we’re literally dying. However, it’s really just the ego going through a death phase. MORE LIKE THIS: Nonduality: What it Is, What it Isn't, and Basic Teachings What is Soul Loss and Retrieval? Healing Through a Shamanic Lens What Goes Around Comes Around: is Karma Real? Of course, the ego doesn’t truly “die.” Rather, an ego dissolution is more of a death for a rebirth process – a transformational rewiring that brings our ego structures into better alignment with our true, Divine self. Ego deaths also help us to remember and understand that we are not our thoughts, personality, or roles in life. We are so much more than our identities and beliefs. Even if we go through an ego death, we still have our thoughts, personality, and roles; however, those aspects of self might change or evolve to better reflect our true Being. The History of Ego Death While the term “ego death” is more recent, the concept of egotism and ego dissolution has been part of mystical traditions for millennia. This concept is found in Buddhism, Hinduism, Christian mysticism, Sufism, and shamanism. Buddhists believe the path of enlightenment involves the dissolution of the self. In Hinduism, there is the concept of the “false self,” which relates to the ego. Through meditation, yoga, and devotion, the devotee can let go of their false self and realize their true nature. Dissolution of the self This same concept stretches into Christian mysticism and Sufism, with both traditions emphasizing “dying to self” to experience union with God. The idea is to strip away illusions and egoic desires so that their singular focus is on the Divine. In shamanism, there is an interesting practice called dismemberment that is a form of ego death. People on a shamanic journey have experienced their spirit guide or power animal attacking them and ripping them apart. Their helping spirit then puts them back together, while leaving out energy, illness, beliefs, or limitations that are not serving that person. Dismemberment can happen spontaneously in a shamanic journey, or it can be experienced intentionally. “Ego deaths help us to remember and understand that we are not our thoughts, personality, or roles in life. We are so much more than our identities and beliefs.” More recently, the term ego death has been connected to psychedelic experiences. The term was actually coined in the 1960s by Timothy Leary in his book The Psychedelic Experience. In it, he explored how psychedelics played a key role in the spiritual journey and initiated ego deaths. Signs and Symptoms of Ego Death Ego death can occur within a single psychedelic or meditation experience, and it can be a slow process over weeks or months. When occurring over some time, ego death is commonly referred to as a “dark night of the soul.” While in an altered state of consciousness, such as on a psychedelic or shamanic journey, ego death symptoms may be entirely unique to you. It may feel scary, disorienting, liberating, peaceful, enlightening, or joyful. Here are some common signs and symptoms of ego death: Loss of identity You may not feel like you know who you are or why you’re here. Your current roles may not feel like they “fit” anymore. Confusion You may feel cloudy, disoriented, and not know what is “real” anymore. There could be emotions rising to the surface that don’t have an obvious source. Dissolving into nothingness An experience of completely letting go to the point where you feel like you are no one and no-thing, like you’re floating in space as pure consciousness. You may also experience sinking into the earth and dissolving into the soil. Becoming one with everything Alternatively, when the illusion of self strips away, one may feel like they are connected and one with everything around them. They are one with the tree in their yard, the wind in the sky, the bird flying high, and the clouds passing by. Detachment from the mind You may experience becoming the observer of yourself, like you are watching your mind from a distance. When there’s space between yourself and your thoughts, you can clearly see your thought patterns and emotions from a non-judgmental, unattached way. Intense fear During a psychedelic experience, it’s normal to go through phases of intense fear or panic. It may feel like you’re dying, and you may have visions of death or darkness. While scary, these are typical symptoms of ego death, especially on psychedelics. What Causes Ego Death? There are many ways that an ego death can be triggered. Substances – such as psilocybin, ayahuasca, LSD, and DMT – commonly cause ego deaths. These are typically intense and transformational, resulting in a sudden change in one’s life going forward. Psilocybin, found in mushrooms, can lead to ego dissolution experiences Devotion to a spiritual and awakening path will eventually lead to ego death. The longer one walks this path, the more experiences of ego death they will go through. This is because as one walks a healing and awakening path, there is a natural purification process. All that is not true and no longer serves comes to the surface and is released over time. Aside from psychedelic experiences, here are some other common causes of ego death: Sudden spiritual awakenings Near-death experiences Childbirth Intense grief or trauma Deep, unconditional love Lucid dreaming Consistent and long meditations Shamanic journey meditations Is Ego Death Good? Ego death has the potential to be a truly rewarding experience, depending on how well the experience is integrated. It can lead to a deeper connection to one’s own true, Divine nature, and to the world around them. It can help bring one closer to their true purpose, help release emotional trauma, heal old wounds, and let go of belief systems or conditioning that no longer serve. For example, a 2023 study conducted led by Johns Hopkins University and published in Front Psychiatry found that naturalistic use (non-research-based) of psilocybin showed: “persisting reductions in anxiety, depression, and alcohol misuse, increased cognitive flexibility, emotion regulation, spiritual wellbeing, and extraversion, and reduced neuroticism and burnout.” This is just one study of many that show the positive implications of psychedelic use, in which ego deaths are common. Ego deaths are profound and monumental, but they can also be frightening and disorienting. It’s important to integrate the process and seek support when you need it. Takeaway: What is an Ego Death? An ego death is a transformational experience. While scary, it can help us come into deeper alignment with our true essence and change the course of our lives. These intense initiations help us realize and remember that we are so much more than who we think we are. I’m so thankful for the intense and dark psychedelic experience I had. That ego death helped me realize that the path I was heading down was not where I wanted to go. It helped remove the illusions and beliefs clouding my mind so that I could clearly see that the life I was living wasn’t in alignment with my true, Divine nature. Whether you’re currently experiencing symptoms of an ego death or you’re curious about the psychedelic experience, be sure to have people around to support you. The key is integration and trusting that this experience is part of your liberation and healing. ● Images: shutterstock/New Africa, shutterstock/Good Studio, shutterstock/Room27 happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support in our happiness forum Purpose of Life | Letting Go | Mindfulness Written by Rhianna Quanstrom Rhianna Quanstrom is a freelance writer, herbalist, and spiritual seeker with a passion for nature-based healing and sacred wisdom. Her writing draws from years of experience with meditation, shamanic practices, plant medicine, dream work, and the reclamation of the Sacred Feminine. Discover more of her writing and poetry on her Mystic Love Substack.

With record rates of depression, we need to ask: 'what is the key to happiness?'. From lifelong learning to community, Sonia Vadlamani explores how to cultivate a life of joy with our 10 keys to happiness. Spoiler alert: materialism isn't on the list. It's often difficult for us to always feel happy and joyful, be it because of the unrealistic standards of beauty and perfection we impose on ourselves, or the negativity we surround ourselves with. It can be due to the fear of failure embedded deep within our subconscious, or our inability to form friendships and meaningful communities as we grow older. Indeed, there are many unhelpful habits or tendencies we ingrain in ourselves that can make us miserable and unhappy in life. Thankfully, researchers maintain that it’s possible to intervene and cultivate happiness through will and a proper framework. And – by following the 10 keys to happiness outlined below – you could train yourself to maximize your potential for a lifetime full of joy and contentment. Of course, happiness is subjective: it means different things to different people. The interesting news, however, is that our happiness levels are not set in stone. In her ground-breaking book The How of Happiness, researcher Sonja Lyubomirsky points out that while 50 per cent of our happiness is predetermined by our genetic makeup and personality traits, and 10 per cent is determined by our circumstances and life experiences, as much as 40 per cent of our happiness can be chosen wilfully by us, and depends largely on our daily actions. What's the tea when it comes to finding happiness? So, while we cannot change our genes or predict the future, science says that a significant portion of our happiness can be controlled by us. Unfortunately, our pursuit of happiness – as a society and on an individual level – is often misguided, with many people focused on materialism. Psychologist Barry Schwartz addresses this erroneous pursuit of happiness in his book The Paradox of Choice, wherein he points out that the plethora of choices we have available today due to a surge in consumerism often do us more harm than good, resulting in both anxiety and depression. The key to happiness: 10 steps “Happiness is not something ready-made. It comes from your own actions,” articulates the Dalai Lama, who is also the patron of the charity Action for Happiness. While everyone’s idea of happiness may be different, Action for Happiness has identified 10 keys to happiness, or practices that can consistently lead to a more fulfilling and happier life. While the first five keys to happiness refer to our interactions with the outside world, the latter five keys to happiness describe the traits that originate within us and are determined by our attitude towards life. Outside world: daily activities 1. Take care of your body There is an overwhelming amount of research that deems exercise a vital key to happiness and well-being. Indeed, a Yale study conducted on over 1.2 million Americans concluded that exercise is more important for our mental health than money. You need not run a marathon to be healthy and happy – opt for an activity of your preference that suits your health goals and lifestyle. Indulge in mindful running, unplug from technology with periodic forest bathing, or simply swap escalator commutes with stairs. “Make learning a habit. Research shows that people who work on learning a new skill or honing an existing one experience greater happiness consistently.” Eating right can contribute towards better health and happiness too. A balanced diet consisting of whole grains, fresh vegetables and fruit, lean poultry and healthy fats can help you achieve your health goals faster. Opt for foods which promote gut health instead of processed or junk food options for improved mood, better metabolism, and to keep disease at bay. Keeping fit is a crucial key to happiness 2. Practise mindfulness “We’re happiest when we focus on the present moment, and the least happy when the mind is wandering,” says researcher Matt Killingsworth. Mindfulness refers to being in a state of awareness and taking notice of the present intentionally and with complete acceptance. Studies show that practising mindfulness can help manage stress levels, in addition to activating the areas of our brains related to feeling good. RELATED: 7 Mindfulness Tips For Staying Engaged Mindful Behavior: 13 Practical Mindfulness Tools Mindfulness Vs Meditation: What's the Difference? Mindfulness can be developed using simple measures – start by paying attention to your feelings and thoughts as frequently throughout the day as possible. Meditation, mindful minute practices, and gratitude journaling can help in expanding awareness as well. 3. Indulge in acts of kindness Random acts of kindness are not just beneficial for others – in fact, caring for others’ happiness activates the areas linked to trust, enjoyment and social connection in our brains as well. An experiment involving seven-day kindness activities concluded that kindness is a vital key to happiness, whether extended to people who are close to you, complete strangers, or even yourself! Doing things for others can help alleviate social anxiety, improve your mood and prevent illness, thus enabling you to lead a healthy, meaningful life. 4. Make learning a habit Research by Journal of Happiness Studies revealed that people who work on learning a new skill or honing an existing one tend to experience greater happiness consistently. Interestingly, learning something new can be stressful and lower your happiness levels momentarily. However, the joy of acquiring or mastering a new skill can fulfil your need for autonomy or being self-directed, thus rewarding you with long-term happiness. “Exercise a vital key to happiness and well-being. A Yale study concluded that exercise is more important for our mental health than money.” Indeed, it’s important to find a suitable skill to master, or the right challenge to undertake that’ll allow you to push beyond your comfort zone yet enable you to find your flow state. Researchers also found that skills chosen by you offer better results in terms of improved self-esteem and a heightened sense of connection or ‘oneness’ with others. 5. Make meaningful connections Human beings are social animals, and hence it’s hardly surprising when researchers found that forming meaningful connections and embracing community is one of the core values we associate with happiness. Indeed, the importance of a community as a key to happiness cannot be underestimated. In addition to safety and support, we also derive a much-needed sense of togetherness and belonging when we find others who have the same values and interests as us. Meaningful friendships are essential for well-being Scientists agree that interacting with strangers, thus bolstering our ‘weak social ties’ also impacts our well-being positively. Take some time to connect with those who serve you coffee, your cab driver, or a friendly face you encounter during your daily strolls. Gestures like passing a casual compliment, wishing someone a good day, or chatting with an elderly neighbour over a cuppa can make a world of difference to someone who’s been feeling down or struggling with loneliness. Inside world: Developing the right attitude 6. Be at ease with who you are Self-acceptance forms an important cornerstone for our mental health and well-being, yet it’s a routine that we tend to practice the least, as revealed in a survey conducted by Action For Happiness. While acceptance was rated as the strongest predictor of life satisfaction and happiness amidst all the other traits and habits, only 5% of the respondents admitted to being kind to themselves and believed that they were perfect the way they were. RELATED: 12 Ways to Practise Self-Acceptance How to Stop Beating Yourself Up: 7 Techniques That Work Perfectionism and Anxiety: 7 Ways to Cope Practising acceptance as a habit can be difficult at first, but it’s possible to be good to yourself by shifting your perspective. Indeed, embracing imperfections as your unique traits and acknowledging your strengths – however insignificant they seem – can be a crucial key to happiness. 7. Set vital goals Happiness doesn’t always happen spontaneously – it requires planning and action towards pursuing things that matter to you. Goal setting is an important key to happiness, since it forms the outline for the life you envision for yourself. It’s important to set goals to look forward to – not only can proactive goal setting ensure fulfilment of your life ambitions and vision, following an actionable plan and achieving timebound targets using SMART goal setting can boost self-confidence and eliminate stress and anxiety. 8. Develop resilience All of us will face hardship, loss and trauma along our life jounrey, and since our brains are wired for negativity bias, we tend to remember the adverse events in our lives compared to the positive experiences. However, by changing our perspective and looking at hardships as stepping stones towards personal growth and success, we can learn to take back power every time we feel defeated by life. Indeed, building resilience can boost positive thinking, strengthen connections, and improve stress management skills. “Community as a key to happiness cannot be underestimated. As well as safety and support, we also get a much-needed sense of togetherness and belonging.” In fact, researcher Dr Ann Masten describes resilience as ‘ordinary magic’ derived from everyday situations and resources, that helps us adapt better during hardships. There is surmounting scientific evidence that developing resilience as a life skill and finding ways to bounce back from adversities can contribute immensely to our well-being and happiness 9. Cultivate a positive outlook “Just as water lilies retract when sunlight fades, so do our minds when positivity fades,” states researcher Barbara Fredrickson in her book Positivity. Indeed, research suggests that experiencing ‘upward spirals of positive emotions’ like gratitude, joy, interest etc. more often allows us to counteract the downward spirals of negative emotions like stress, jealousy, etc. Gratitude journaling, smiling more often, finding ways to incorporate awe into your life are some easy ways to boost positivity. Lifelong learning is another key to a happy life 10. Find meaning in your life Feeling connected to something larger than ourselves or possessing a sense of purpose in life is linked with greater life satisfaction, improved self-esteem, lasting relationships, and a more optimistic attitude. Leading a meaningful life could seem like a complicated process, but you can begin by prioritizing activities that bring you joy and a sense of purpose such as volunteering or trying to make a difference in others’ lives. RELATED: Happiness Is A Choice: 8 Ways To Choose It Today The key to happiness here is to understand where your calling lies and set out to follow your bliss. ‘Life Crafting’, or the process of reflecting on your strengths and interests, and aligning them with your vision, passion and desires, can be used as the framework for setting goals conducive to the meaningful life you wish to lead. The takeaway: what is the key to happiness? “It is work to be happy,” says psychologist Barry Schwartz. Indeed, there’s more to happiness than feeling good about pleasurable things, but the good news is that it can be cultivated by consistently encouraging the 10 keys to happiness or happy habits listed above into our lives. Instead of trying to implement all the keys to happiness at once, try reflecting on what each individual key means for you, and devise ways to implement them using simple action plan, to be able to lead a rewarding and happier life. ● Images: shutterstock/santypan, shutterstock/Lordn, shutterstock/Ground Picture, shutterstock/UrbanScape happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support in our happiness forum Motivation | Positive psychology | Lemonading | Internal Conflict Written by Sonia Vadlamani Fitness and healthy food blogger, food photographer and stylist, travel-addict and future self journaler. Sonia loves to write and has resolved to dedicate her life to revealing how easy and important it is to be happier, stronger and fitter each day. Follow her daily pursuits at FitFoodieDiary or on Instagram.

Feeling off-track in life can make us unhappy and unfulfilled, but we should take it as an opportunity for self-discovery. Dee Marques explains how you can help to find yourself and your true purpose again through 10 steps, from journal prompts to embracing solitude. There are moments in life when we feel lost and unsure of who we are or where we're heading. Perhaps it's following a significant life change, such as the loss of a loved one, a change in your professional life, or the disintegration of a meaningful relationship. If you’ve been there, you know that these seasons in life can be tough and uncomfortable – and you’re not alone. Feeling lost isn't uncommon. In the UK, nearly 90% of Brits aged between 16 and 29 say they lack meaning and direction in their lives. Similarly, in the US, a study by Harvard found that nearly 60% of young adults had felt a “void in their lives” within the last 30 days. But built into this lack of clarity and direction there’s also an invitation to go on a journey of self-discovery and personal growth. If you’re wondering how to find happiness from within or how to go about finding yourself again, you’re in the right place. Let's look at what finding yourself truly means, the benefits of starting off in this journey, and 10 suggestions on how to find yourself – including some journal prompts for self discovery. Start self-discovery and find your path to success What does it mean to really 'find yourself'? Finding yourself is a journey of self-discovery, but it’s not like the typical journey where you go from A to B in a linear way. When it comes to inner work, we don’t always know what the destination is or what it will look like. Also, this journey can be continuous. After a period of soul-searching, we can get some insights into who we are and what our next step is, but these revelations won't necessarily be valid for the rest of our lives. As we age and face new experiences, our perspectives evolve, making self-discovery an ongoing process. “Finding yourself is a journey of self-discovery, but it’s not like the typical journey where you go from A to B in a linear way. When it comes to inner work, we don’t always know what the destination is or what it will look like.” Indeed, the self-discovery journey isn't about reaching a final destination but about embracing the process of becoming. It's about understanding who you are, which are your true values, the passions that drive you forward, your strengths, and the unique combination of accumulated experiences that make you who you are. Finding yourself means recognising that change is constant and that self-awareness helps you navigate the ups and downs in life with clarity and purpose. Benefits of finding yourself Sometimes, we may be tempted to postpone the self-discovery journey. Perhaps at a subconscious level, we know that truly finding ourselves is going to require radical honesty. But if you push past the initial resistance, finding yourself can be transformative and liberating. The commitment to cultivating self-awareness offers many rewards, including: A better sense of direction Our thoughts and emotions impact our choices and behaviours, so increased self-awareness can help us make decisions and develop habits that get us closer to where we want to be in life. Improved mental health Studies show that Self-awareness influences our levels of emotional regulation and emotional intelligence, so we become better at monitoring our emotional reactions and modulating them so they don’t hijack our mental well-being. In other words, we’re more in control of our internal states. High-quality relationships A UK study found that self-awareness was closely linked to improved social interactions. The reason? Probably because through self-discovery, we learn to develop healthy boundaries, as well as compassion and acceptance for ourselves and others. Increased resilience As we move through self-discovery journey, we become more aware of our strengths and we learn new coping tools. This is helpful when things are tough, as we’re better equipped to move forward with ease. Greater life satisfaction Knowing that you’re living in alignment with your values and goals is one of the most rewarding experiences. Authentic living is the antidote to that existential void that so many people experience. How to find yourself So, if you're feeling stuck in life, here are 10 steps you can take to find clarity about who you really are and what you want your life to mean. But remember; our goals and visions constantly change, so be prepared to repeat these steps at various stages of your life journey. 1. Practice self-reflection Set aside time regularly to reflect on your experiences, emotions, and reactions. Journaling can be a powerful tool, allowing you to track patterns and gain insights into your inner world. Finding yourself is made easier with journal prompts for self discovery 2. Explore your energy sources Make a list of the actions and interactions that fill your physical and emotional energy deposit. Then, make a list of the things that drain your energy. This helps you make choices aligned with your passions and create sustainable habits – protecting your energy is essential to your well-being. 3. Reconnect with your hobbies Hobbies aren’t just things we do to fill time – they can help express your true self better and reveal aspects of yourself that may have been dormant. Consider trying a new activity every month to discover what resonates with you, or revisit anything you once used to loved but stopped doing. 4. Practice mindfulness Through mindfulness, you become more attuned to your thoughts and feelings, which helps cultivate a stronger sense of ownership and presence throughout your life. “Finding yourself is a journey of self-discovery, but it’s not like the typical journey where you go from A to B in a linear way. When it comes to inner work, we don’t always know what the destination is or what it will look like.” Incorporate as many as our mindfulness tips for staying engaged into your daily routine, from something as simple as mindful showering to something that require a bit more effort and thought on your behalf, such as mindful appreciation. 5. Reflect on your values Identifying your core values shows you what matters most to you and is essential to ensure your actions and decisions are a reflection of your true identity. This exercise is a personal favourite on how to find yourself through your values. 6. Archetype work Archetypes are universal characters (like the Hero, the Rebel, or the Caregiver) that represent parts of our psyche. Exploring which ones resonate with you through journaling, creative writing, or the PMAI assessment can help you understand your deeper drives in a powerful and symbolic way. MORE LIKE THIS: 'Why Do I Hate My Life?' 10 Ways To Start Loving It Again Discover the 10 Keys To Happier Living How to Stop Beating Yourself Up: 7 Techniques That Work 7. Dare to be uncomfortable Finding yourself isn’t just about theoretical exploration – it’s important to take aligned action, even if it feels uncomfortable at first. New experiences challenge you, offer fresh perspectives, and can lead to personal growth. 8. Embrace solitude Finding yourself can only happen when you make time and space for it, away from digital distractions and external influences. Moments of solitude are perfect to tune into your thoughts and feelings with greater clarity. How to find yourself again? Solitude can help you clarify feelings 9. Set personal goals Create a weekly or monthly action plan with specific goals that matter to you. For example, you could choose to experiment with new ways of practising a character strength, or ensure that every choice you make in the next 7 days reflects one of your core values. 10. Seek support Finding yourself doesn’t have to be a lonely journey. Mentors, coaches, and therapists can guide and support you with different tools and frameworks that can broaden your self-discovery journey. Journal prompts for self discovery To get you started in this journey, here are some self discovery questions that can help uncover more about your true self. Ask yourself them and keep a note of the answers in a journal and reflect on them. • If fear weren’t a factor, what choice would I make today? • What patterns keep repeating in my life — and what might they be trying to teach me? • When do I feel most alive and engaged? • What things I couldn’t live without? • What are my greatest strengths and how do I use them? • What fears are holding me back from pursuing my passions? • Who inspires me and why? • What does success look like to me? • What’s my biggest learning experience in life so far? • What part of myself have I silenced to fit in? • What legacy do I want to leave behind? Takeaway: finding yourself again The journey to finding yourself requires courage and patience, but it’s the path to a more meaningful life. While the journey may be challenging at times, the rewards – a clearer sense of identity, purpose, and fulfilment – are invaluable. As Carl Jung said, “who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes”. Remember that it's OK to feel lost in life while you explore how to find yourself. Just take it one step at the time, using the suggestions in this article to navigate the depths of your inner world. So why not start today, maybe with one of the self discovery questions above? ● Images: shutterstock/KieferPix, shutterstock/Daniel Hoz, PeopleImages - Yuri A happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support in our happiness forum Goal setting | Purpose of life | Healthy habits | Letting Go Written by Dee Marques A social sciences graduate with a keen interest in languages, communication, and personal development strategies. Dee loves exercising, being out in nature, and discovering warm and sunny places where she can escape the winter.

As one of the most important figures in the fields of mindfulness, meditation and Zen Buddhism, Thích Nhất Hạnh continues to have a major influence around the world. We share some of the best Thích Nhất Hạnh quotes and take a deeper look at his teachings. Thích Nhất Hạnh is recognised internationally as one of the most influential figures in the fields of mindfulness, meditation and Zen Buddhism. Having been ordained as a monk in 1949, Nhất Hạnh has since written more than 100 books and has travelled the world, imparting wisdom and sharing his philosophy on life. Over a period of almost 70 years, Nhất Hạnh built a lasting legacy through his lessons on meditation, self-awareness, understanding, peace, love and non-violent conflict resolution. Thích Nhất Hạnh passed away in 2022 after a long life dedicated to his mission. Thích Nhất Hạnh quotes: engaged Buddhism 'Engaged Buddhism' is a term coined by Thích Nhất Hạnh, with its first known usage coming in his 1967 book, Vietnam: Lotus in a Sea of Fire. As a philosophy, it was heavily influenced by the Buddhism practised and taught by Master Tai Xu, who was influential in helping to reform Chinese Buddhism. While Tai Xu advocated what he referred to as human-life Buddhism, Nhất Hạnh developed this philosophy further. Essentially, the 'Engaged Buddhism' he teaches focuses on using the insight gained through meditation and dharma teachings to ease economic, social and political suffering within society. “When bombs begin to fall on people, you cannot stay in the meditation hall all of the time. Meditation is about the awareness of what is going on — not only in your body and in your feelings, but all around you.” Thích Nhất Hạnh The Thích Nhất Hạnh quote above actually originates from an interview with Lion's Roar magazine and perfectly captures Nhất Hạnh's core belief in 'Engaged Buddhism', which became especially important to him and his spiritual community in the midst of the Vietnam War, during which they aided those that were experiencing the horrors. Thích Nhất Hạnh's influence lives on in his quotes and books Nhất Hạnh saw the help they provided as being part of their mindfulness and meditation practice, rather than something separate from it. What this particular Thích Nhất Hạnh quote demonstrates is the belief that meditation can (and should) extend beyond the self, due to the insight and perspective it provides. Quotes on: The Enemies of Man Over the years, Thích Nhất Hạnh has often used his influence and wisdom to stress the importance of recognising the fact that the true 'enemies of man' are ideological, rather than physical. The most famous example of this philosophy being put into words came in the mid 1960s, in a letter written to Martin Luther King. In it, Nhất Hạnh wrote that the enemies of monks in Vietnam were not man, but "intolerance, fanaticism, dictatorship, cupidity, hatred and discrimination". He also opined that in the civil rights struggle in the US, Martin Luther King's enemies were not specific human beings, but "intolerance, hatred and discrimination". “When another person makes you suffer, it is because he suffers deeply within himself, and his suffering is spilling over. He does not need punishment; he needs help. That's the message he is sending.” Thích Nhất Hạnh This Thích Nhất Hạnh quote is an interesting extension of the basic 'Enemies of Man' teaching. Once again, it centres on the idea that we should not see those who do wrong as our enemies, or as people in need to punishment or retribution, but instead as people who can be helped, or who are in need of help. MORE LIKE THIS: The Hearth of Buddhism: the Birthplace of Buddha Who is Jon Kabat-Zinn, the Master of Mindfulness? Jack Kornfield: Mindfulness Teacher and Author Throughout the 1960s and 1970s, Nhất Hạnh continued to promote the virtues of non-violence, even in retaliation to violent actions. These words help us to understand the deep-rooted beliefs that made this possible for him. Quotes on: embracing science Another key teaching that has come to define Thích Nhất Hạnh's philosophy is his view that traditional Zen Buddhist practices can work in conjunction with science. In particular, he embraced Western psychological research and utilised aspects when teaching Buddhist Psychology at Vạn Hanh Buddhist University and Cornell University. RELATED: How to Practice Buddhism For Beginners It's only through embracing science in this way that ancient wisdom can play a meaningful role in the modern world. This concept is explored in several of Nhất Hạnh's published works, including the 1992 book, The Diamond That Cuts Through Illusion and Understanding Our Mind from 2001. “Aware of the suffering created by intolerance, we are determined not to be bound to any doctrine, theory, or ideology, even Buddhist ones. Buddhist teachings are guiding means to help us learn to develop our understanding and compassion. They are not doctrines to fight, kill, or die for.” Thích Nhất Hạnh Appearing in his 1987 book entitled Being Peace, this quote from Thích Nhất Hạnh emphasises the extent to which he discourages dogmatic adherence to any particular set of teachings, because such inflexible attitudes inevitably lead to conflict and, ultimately, suffering, rather than happiness, peace and contentment. Instead, one of Nhất Hạnh's most important philosophies is related to the value of being open to new ideas, being willing to challenge existing ones and being adaptable to new research, evidence and technology. There is, after all, wisdom in letting go of bias and recognising that the concept of 'truth' can be fluid, rather than absolute. Thích Nhất Hạnh travelled all over the globe, sharing his knowledge Quotes on: love and infatuation In more recent years, Thích Nhất Hạnh's teachings have placed an emphasis on the concept of love and on defining precisely what it is. In his 2015 book How to Love, he argues that the ideas of 'love' and 'understanding' are inextricably linked. “Understanding is love's other name,” he writes. With this as the starting point, Nhất Hạnh is able to de-construct the difference between love and infatuation. Love, he says, is about understanding another person and their suffering. Infatuation, on the other hand, is a distraction from one's own suffering and understanding is replaced with fantasy, illusion and projecting ideas onto someone. “If our parents didn't love and understand each other, how are we to know what love looks like? The most precious inheritance that parents can give their children is their own happiness.” Thích Nhất Hạnh Finally, this Thích Nhất Hạnh quote, which also appears in his 2015 book How to Love, neatly sums up one of the most significant conclusions he draws, which is that love is something which can be seen and learned. “If we have happy parents, we have received the richest inheritance of all,” Nhất Hạnh writes. As Maria Popova points out, this is in-keeping with what psychologists know about the role of 'positivity resonance' in learning how to love. Once again, this quote shows how Thích Nhất Hạnh's traditional Zen Buddhist philosophy can operate in perfect harmony with modern scientific research and reasoning. ● Images: d nelson - arrival, CC BY 2.0, Duc (pixiduc), CC BY-SA 2.0 and mettabebe - Thich Nhat Hanh at festival in Da Nang, CC BY-SA 2.0 happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum Gratitude | Acceptance | Altruism

The companionship and mental health benefits pets bring is widely known, but did you know the healing power of pets extends to physical relief as well? Ed Gould discovers five key health benefits that our furry friends can bring. What is it about pets that make them so therapeutic? It's a question I've asked myself before, having benefited from family furry friends and from spending time with other people's pets too. You might have posed the same question yourself. After all, animals are now routinely used in geriatric homes and hospital wards to lift people's spirits. So, if the health benefits of pets are known to professional caregivers, then the healing power of pets should not come as a surprise in domestic situations. Pets will often show signs of grief if they're separated from owners and sometimes display even deeper connections, such as knowing when we're in pain or danger. Of course, one of the key parts of the curative power of pets is that they love us in an unconditional way that human relationships rarely achieve. So, what does the latest research tell us about the health benefits of having a pet around the home? The healing power of pets: what science says Scientific research into the healing power of pets has been ongoing for decades. Most new studies focus on just one or two health benefits of pets but many researchers would agree that the advantages of pet ownership are multi-faceted in terms of healthcare. Let's take a look at some of the latest research. 1. Stress reduction and pet companionship Many pet owners would gladly admit that spending time with their animal helps them to relax and keep things in perspective. Returning from a tough day at work to a welcome from your pet – which really doesn't care about work stress – can help you to instantly calm down. Therapy dogs are used in hospital wards shutterstock/Monkey Business Images A 2019 study into animal interactions and stress conducted at Washington State University found that students were much more relaxed if they interacted with animals prior to taking their exams. Most reported a heightened state of tension that was relieved when they spent as few as ten minutes with animals. Pet owners can expect even better results due to greater levels of companionship. 2. Lowering blood pressure with pets According to Allen McConnell, a professor of psychology based at Miami University, the healing power of pets is very real – enough to lower your blood pressure. McConnell, who studies the ways humans interact with their pets, says that owning an animal can give people a sense of purpose and belonging that augments feelings of positivity which translates to health benefits. Stanley Coren, a psychology professor and neuropsychological researcher from the University of British Columbia agrees with these findings. “Your blood pressure lowers when you interact with an animal in a friendly way and your muscles relax, too,” he said. Another study in the Journal of Nervous and Mental Disease said that stroking animals – even pet snakes – can help to bring blood pressure down. 3. Heart disease and the health benefits of pets In 1997 American medic Larry Dossey published a literature review concerning the medicinal power of pets. In it, he noted that at that time there were over 2,000 therapy programs in the US using animals to assist people with a wide range of conditions. In particular, he highlighted a scientific study that dated back to 1980. “One of the key parts of the healing power of pets is that they love us in an unconditional way that human relationships rarely achieve.” Conducted by Erika Friedmann of the University of Pennsylvania, it showed that people who suffered from heart disease were more likely to survive for a longer period if they had a pet at home. Following their treatment, people with a pet in their lives to return to had a much greater chance of recovery. In fact, pets were found to be a stronger predictor of survival than even having a supportive family around the individual concerned! 4. Improved mental health Many people with a pet will report that they feel mentally better off for having them in their lives. The scientific research into pet ownership and conditions like depression are mixed, however, with some backing up anecdotal evidence and others showing no significant healing power of pets either way. Stroking a pet lowers blood pressure shutterstockk/Damir Khabirov Certainly, pet ownership can lead to social interactions, especially when walking a dog, for example, which is known to help with conditions like depression and anxiety. According to work conducted by Sandy Branson of the University of Texas Science Center, homebound adults, particularly older people, do get a psychological lift from pet ownership. Her research looked into cognitive function and depression. In it, she found a significant correlation between better mental health and pet ownership among older people. 5. The healing power of pets and hormonal responses According to the aforementioned study in the Journal of Nervous and Mental Disease, touching a pet not only helps to lower blood pressure, but it also boosts our output of oxytocin, a happiness hormone that promotes feelings of trust and relaxation. “People who suffered from heart disease were more likely to survive for a longer period if they had a pet at home.” More widely, dog owners can expect an upturn in immunoglobulin A, an antibody that helps the immune system. Furthermore, a study published in Oxford in 2017 showed that children relaxed better in the company of pets, largely due to a perceived drop in hormones like cortisol which are associated with stress responses. 6. Mindfulness and pet ownership Pets help to keep you anchored in the here and now. Because animals tend not to express feelings of anxiety of what might be or what has passed, they help us to live in the moment, a key aspect of various forms of mindfulness including MBSR, for example. According to an article published by Harvard Medical School, mindfulness can be boosted by dog ownership, especially when you go on a walk together. Dr Ann Berger, a researcher at the NIH Clinical Center in Maryland agrees with this idea. She says that the foundations of mindfulness are based on attention, intention, compassion and awareness. “These are things that animals bring to the table innately that people have to learn,” she says. The takeaway: the healing power of pets However you look at it, pets are beneficial for their owners in numerous ways. In terms of health benefits, our understanding is still ongoing, but few people regret owning one in terms of either their physical or mental well-being. Make sure to give your furry friends some extra attention and reward them for all the health benefits they bring! Main image: shutterstock/Africa Studio happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practice, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ learn with free online classes in our happiness Academy Gratitude | Burnout | Stress management Written by Ed Gould Ed Gould is a UK-based journalist and practitioner of Reiki.

Buddhism is a religion based on the Buddha's teachings. Ann Vrlak explains how beginners can learn how to practice Buddhism by following the concepts and practices in the Buddha’s roadmap, such as The Four Noble Truths and the Eightfold Path. Is meditation a Buddhist practice? Many people think so, and in fact, that it best describes “what Buddhists do.” But, if you have ever actually wondered how to become a Buddhist, there is so much more to it than mindfulness meditation! This worldwide religion, founded by the Buddha over 2,500 years ago, is a comprehensive system of values, practices and beliefs that offers a roadmap to create a happy and healthy life. What is Buddhism? Like Christianity, Buddhism began with one extraordinary person who was deeply troubled by the suffering and injustice of many people’s lives. He immersed himself in the religious beliefs of the day, hoping to understand and help alleviate human suffering. RELATED: How Did Buddhism Spread? The teachings that emerged from the Buddha’s transformation are both a religion and a philosophy, based on the core belief that everyone has the capacity to awaken. Beginners can practice Buddhism by following its philosophy and ethics Even though our lives would be almost unrecognisable to people from Buddha's time, our inner lives are not so different. People in all places and times worry about those they care about, feel hunger and loneliness, and have conflicts with others. Becoming a Buddhist means being interested in these eternal questions: why do we suffer and is there a way to end it? How to Practice Buddhism As well as there being different branches or types of Buddhism, there are many ways to get into it – through its philosophy, ethics or practices. The best place to begin is to ask yourself: “Why am I interested in becoming a Buddhist?” Are feelings of depression or anxiety becoming all too common for you? Do you want to start a meditation practice? Would you like to be more compassionate with your friends and family? “The ultimate goal of practicing Buddhism is to break free from the cycle of samsara and reach nirvana.” Whatever your answer is right now, Buddhism is a great place to begin because it shows you how to use your personal situations and experiences to deepen the connection with your own inner wisdom. The Buddha’s System The Buddha’s roadmap combines a deep understanding of human psychology with our spiritual aspirations. The following concepts and practices build on each other in ways that strengthen balance and ease. 1. The Four Noble Truths The foundation of practicing Buddhism is the Four Noble Truths: Human life inevitably involves suffering or dukkha (“unsatisfactoriness”) This suffering is caused by the desire for something that is not present and by resistance to what is present The end of desire is the end of suffering through accepting the reality of the present The way to end desire is to follow the Eightfold Path 2. Eightfold Path The Buddha’s Eightfold Path answers the question of exactly how to practice Buddhism. “But what does this look like in my everyday situations and challenges? What do I do?” You can begin to change your thoughts and actions by practicing: Right View, Right Intention, Right Speech, Right Action, Right Livelihood, Right Effort, Right Mindfulness and Right Concentration. Meditation is a key component of practicing Buddhism Practicing Right View, for example, means seeing your anxiety about a health diagnosis through an understanding of the Four Noble Truths. Right Speech means striving to communicate with compassion, rather than irritation, and not gossiping about others or telling lies. 3. The Five Precepts Along with encouraging actions that support your path, Buddhism suggests actions to avoid – you strengthen behaviours that lead to wisdom and weaken those that lead to suffering. The Five Precepts help practitioners along the way by avoiding: doing harm stealing sexual misconduct harsh speech intoxication 4. Karma and Samsara The Buddhists tie together the long view of practicing Buddhism with concepts of karma and samsara: how our actions shape our lives – both in this life and in the cycle of birth, death and rebirth, known as “samsara.” “Along with philosophy and guidelines for action, meditation is one of the foundational tools for practicing Buddhism.” Karma explains that what we put into the world, good and bad, returns to us in kind. Harmful actions create suffering and keep us bound in samsara. The ultimate goal of practicing Buddhism is to break free from the cycle of samsara and reach nirvana. Karma: our actions shape our lives How to Practice Buddhism with Meditation Along with philosophy and guidelines for action, meditation is one of the foundational tools for practicing Buddhism. Many different forms of Buddhist meditation have flourished, with most falling into these three types of practice: Mindfulness Meditation Mindfulness meditation is the key way of practicing Buddhism. You learn to observe your experience with some objectivity. “What thoughts am I having and how are they affecting me?” “What emotions are here when I’m arguing with my spouse?” Becoming a Buddhist starts with this kind of curious, non-judgemental self-awareness. Lovingkindness Meditation The practice of kindness and compassion is essential to help us be with the realities of day-to-day human suffering. Lovingkindness meditation teaches you to notice criticism of yourself or others, and instead choose warmth and acceptance. Concentration Awareness and attention are considered superpowers in Buddhism. Your experience of life and your ability to act wisely depend on being able to put your attention where you want it – and to keep it there in spite of distractions or discomfort. Meditation for focus can help you with that. For example, you can learn to focus on your breath to calm your anger. You can also learn to turn your heart inward and practice self-compassion if you're lost in self-blame. Learn More About Becoming a Buddhist There are many (many!) places to learn how to practice Buddhism. You can explore some of our best meditation book recommendations by Buddhist teachers. If you’re interested in how Buddhist practices affect your brain, Buddha’s Brain by psychologist Rick Hanson is a fascinating read! “Becoming a Buddhist means being interested in these eternal questions: why do we suffer and is there a way to end it?” Many meditation apps like Headspace and Calm incorporate Buddhist principles and practices. A relatively new offering, Healthy Minds, is a comprehensive, free app that blends Buddhist principles and practices with neuroscience. RELATED: Do Buddhists Believe in God? If you like podcasts, check out the huge libraries at The Secular Buddhism Podcast or Audio Dharma for content by monks, teachers and psychologists. How to get into Buddhism: further steps If you want to learn more about Buddhism, you may consider joining one of the many Buddhist communities – online or in person – or even pursuing living as a monk for a period of time. A spiritual community, or sangha, is one of the most powerful ways to integrate practicing Buddhism into everyday life while having the support of others. Many established Buddhist centres offer short term retreats as a place to begin your exploration. Nirvana is the ultimate aim of practicing Buddhism These centres can also guide you if you want to take the plunge into a monastic life. Two of the most reputable monasteries worldwide are based on the teachings of Ajahn Chah and Thích Nhất Hạnh (Plum Village). Takeaway: how to practice Buddhism The ancient practice of Buddhism is no less relevant today in our modern world. In fact, many modern psychologists are Buddhists or use Buddhist approaches to reducing anxiety, fostering self-compassion and building stronger connections with people we care about. You can start small with a 15-minute daily meditation, listen to a podcast or dive in with a weekend retreat. Remember that Buddhism starts with self-knowledge. Becoming a Buddhist involves you staying in the driver’s seat from the beginning, choosing where you want to go and which practices suit your interest best. ● Images: shutterstock/New Africa, shutterstock/Cyril Hou, shutterstock/Semachkovsky, shutterstock AI generator happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum Dalai Lama | Acceptance | Altruism | Spirituality Written by Ann Vrlak Ann Vrlak is Founder of OneSelf Meditation and a meditation practitioner for over 25 years. She’s a Certified Meditation Teacher for adults and for children (the best job ever!). She loves to share how the perspective and practice of meditation can support people with their everyday stresses and on their journey of self-discovery.

Equanimity is a state of holding mental and emotional stability and calmness, especially during stressful situations. Dee Marques explores 7 key benefits of this superpower emotion and tells us how we can all become more equanimous... We all go through moments that test our patience. Maybe it's the driver who cuts you off in traffic, the colleague who takes credit for your work, or the neighbour who keeps leaving piles of boxes and packaging in the landing. We may start our day with the best intentions, but sometimes, these situations get the best of us, leaving us agitated and on edge. If you’re reading this article, you’re someone committed to personal growth and self-improvement, so chances are you’ve been thinking about what’s the best way to respond to this type of events. And while there’s no shortage of advice on stress management and emotional regulation, there's a crucial quality that often goes unmentioned: equanimity. So, what is equanimity exactly? Let's explore the essence of this trait, looking at its true meaning, its profound benefits, and some practical strategies to cultivate it. What is equanimity? Definition and meaning of equanimity The word "equanimity" comes from the Latin aequanimitas, which combines aequus (meaning "even" or "level") and animus (meaning "mind" or "spirit"). Essentially, it refers to an evenness of mind, a state of internal stability and composure that's not disturbed by experiences that could otherwise make us lose our inner balance. Equanimity meaning: undisturbed internal stability in the face of stress This is also an important concept in Buddhism, where equanimity is referred to as upekkha. This word is formed from the Pali prefix upa, which means “over” or “all around,” and the root ikh, meaning “to look” or “to see.” So upekkha is the capacity to see the full picture, of being inclusive in our vision, embracing many perspectives without taking sides. Equanimity is gaining recognition in the field of mental health. For example, in personality psychology there’s a link between equanimity and resilience, as the intentional practice of this trait can counter high neuroticism and strengthen the ability to cope with stressful situations. “What is equanimity? It refers to an evenness of mind, a state of internal stability and composure that's not disturbed by experiences that could otherwise make us lose our inner balance.” Understanding the meaning of equanimity also involves recognising its opposite: a state of agitation or emotional reactiveness. Without equanimity, we’re likely to feel dominated by impulses and extreme mood swings that make it difficult to handle stress effectively. But although equanimity involves maintaining a balanced and non-reactive approach, it doesn't imply a lack of care or being emotionally cold. As meditation teacher Jack Kornfield notes, “True equanimity is not a withdrawal; it is a balanced engagement with all aspects of life. It is opening to the whole of life with composure and ease of mind, accepting the beautiful and terrifying nature of all things.” Benefits of equanimity Now we understand the meaning of equanimity, let's see how cultivating more of it does wonders for us. 1. Enhanced emotional resilience Equanimity improves the ability to recover from emotional setbacks. Research suggests that people with higher levels of equanimity have greater resilience, as they minimise both the magnitude and the duration of their response to events perceived as negative or unpleasant. 2. Stronger self-regulation There’s also evidence that equanimity helps control disruptive emotions and improve emotional regulation. This trait “tempers” both behavioural and cognitive responses to life experiences, so that we’re not constantly thrown into emotional ups and downs. 3. Improved stress management Sometimes, we can’t help but feel stressed. Equanimity can reduce the impact of stressors by helping us return to a balanced state faster. In turn, this can help reduce the allostatic load of stress (the cumulative effect of stress on body and mind), making us less likely to develop associated conditions, ranging from heart disease to Type 2 diabetes or depressive disorders. Cultivate equanimity with conscious breathing and meditation 4. Reduction in anxiety and depression Since equanimity is about achieving higher levels of emotional stability, its practice can alleviate symptoms of anxiety and depression and gradually lead to fewer mood disturbances. 5. Increased self-awareness Responding to life with composure requires monitoring our reactions, so the regular practice of equanimity promotes self-awareness and leads to a deeper understanding of our thoughts and emotions. 6. Better decision-making We can all remember that decision we made from a place of emotional reactiveness –as well as its negative consequences. RELATED: Inner Peace: 3 Key Techniques to Finding It Mindfulness Vs Meditation: What's the Difference? 5 Skills You'll Learn Through Meditation Since equanimity keeps us disengaged from emotional fluctuations, it facilitates a clearer assessment of situations, so our mind is less likely to be clouded by impulses, helping us make more rational and thoughtful decisions. 7. Quality relationships There’s no doubt that emotional balance contributes to more harmonious interactions. Not only that, but in reducing our judgements towards others, we can build connections based on greater empathy, compassion, and understanding, reducing conflict and fostering healthier relationships. Examples of equanimity Here are some situations from daily life that can easily pile up and where equanimity can be of great help: • Interpersonal conflicts This trait can help us remain calm during disagreements with friends or family members. • Receiving criticism A composed spirit makes it easier to accept feedback without becoming defensive. • Daily annoyances Being equanimous can take the edge off daily hassles, such as dealing with bad drivers, people jumping the queue, or inconsiderate neighbours. • Unexpected changes This trait is key in helping us adapt gracefully to sudden alterations to our plans or to interferences with our daily routines. • Technological frustrations An equanimous approach is a must in the digital era, as it allows us to keep our cool when we are repeatedly asked for passwords/pin codes, devices malfunction, or internet connections are slow. Cultivating equanimity: meditation and more Meditation is one of the most powerful ways to cultivate equanimity because it helps us develop the ability to observe our thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations without letting them control our narrative. In mindfulness meditation, we’re invited to observe what arises with curiosity and non-judgement. Through meditation, we train ourselves to react with equanimity, and over time this can even change our brain. Studies show that mindfulness practice reduces the amygdala’s size (the brain’s fear centre), and improves density in parts of the brain that manage emotional regulation and executive functioning. “Understanding the meaning of equanimity also involves recognising its opposite: a state of agitation or emotional reactiveness. Without equanimity, we’re likely to feel dominated by impulses and extreme mood swings.” Meditation isn’t the only way to build equanimity. Slow, conscious breathing sends signals to the nervous system that it’s safe to relax. Cognitive reframing can also help: when you feel your balance is getting disrupted, ask yourself “how is this reaction helping me?”. This makes you aware of the fact that you have a choice when it comes to your reactions. From this point, you can choose to interpret events in a less catastrophic way, responding with intention instead of reacting automatically. What is equanimity? Keeping calm and composure amid chaos Other helpful actions include spending time in nature, journaling, and even cultivating a daily gratitude habit, which can rewire our emotional responses, gradually replacing reactivity with calm and groundedness. Takeaway: equanimity is your superpower Equanimity isn’t something reserved for monks who live isolated from the world or for people who never lose their temper. The beauty of equanimity lies in its everyday power. Indeed, it’s not about pretending things don’t affect you or about shutting down emotionally. It’s about choosing how to respond, and about becoming the kind of person who can sit with discomfort without needing to fix it or escape it. As Zen master Thich Nhat Hanh said, upekkha is “the ability to let go, not to abandon”. More importantly, this is a quality you can build. Daily practices like meditation, journaling, and reframing your thoughts can help you become more aware of your patterns, giving you a starting point to develop a stronger inner balance. So next time you find yourself on the brink, remember: this is the perfect moment to remember the meaning of equanimity and to practise it: breath, and meet your feelings with presence and steadiness. With time and intention, equanimity will become your natural superpower. ● Images: shutterstock/4 PM Productions, shutterstock/KOTOIMAGES, shutterstock/Bagus Production happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support in our happiness forum Healthy habits | Letting Go | Acceptance | Internal conflict Written by Dee Marques A social sciences graduate with a keen interest in languages, communication, and personal development strategies. Dee loves exercising, being out in nature, and discovering warm and sunny places where she can escape the winter.

Many of us tend to shy away from the discomfort of uncertainty. However, as psychologist Stanislava Puač Jovanović explains, embracing the unknown and adapting to new situations often leads to personal growth and increased strength. The art of embracing the unknown should be a mandatory school subject. It is a skill most of us lack – which is only natural – and all of us necessitate. I am not an adventurist. It is probably not cool to admit that about yourself, but that is how it is. I have tried to avoid terrains that were out of my comfort zone for my whole life. Indeed, I am not the kind of person who will leave everything and go to Nepal to see how things will pan out. I do admire those people – but I am not one of them. However, no matter how fond of certainty I may be, life has got it in for me. Yes, it is unpredictable by definition. And always will be. Take the COVID-19 pandemic, for example. No one saw it coming. Many people had to make changes to how they work, socialise, live. It was a great unknown – and still is – but we have had to embrace the changes it has brought. Indeed, there will always be uncertainty in everybody’s life. So, how do we learn to accept and adapt to it? How can we embrace the unknown? Embracing the unknown and personality One of the most well-known, established, and used psychological tests, BIG-5, resides on an empirically confirmed assumption about five broad personality traits. One of those traits is openness to experience. This trait includes the following aspects: active imagination (fantasy) aesthetic sensitivity attentiveness to inner feelings preference for variety (adventurousness) intellectual curiosity challenging authority (psychological liberalism) People who score low on this scale are more conventional in their thinking and behaviour. They are usually closed to the unknown and new experiences. Such an individual prefers regular routines over new experiences. Open new doors and welcome the unknown Conversely, according to research, someone who has high openness to experience might have a broader range of interests. They could be more creative and knowledgeable because they are fine with uncertainty. In other words, such a person is not reluctant to jump right into new information and experience. Changing perspective to welcome the unknown Therefore, some people are simply more open to experiences. That is their personality trait. However, it only means embracing the unknown and the uncertainty of life comes naturally to them. It does not mean you cannot learn to shift your perspective and do the same. Let us explore several argument points that will help you shift your perspective from being afraid of uncertainty to embracing uncertainty. 1. Realise that everything is impermanent Obviously, nothing lasts for ever. But we secretly hope good things do. This is why we are so afraid of uncertainty. However, when you think about it, you will realise that you have never been 100 per cent certain about how things will unfold. Also, nothing ever stayed the same. All things pass. When you accept this thought, you might start feeling more confident about facing the unknown. 2. Letting go of attachment is beneficial When we cling to things and people, we suffer. It is one of the four noble truths in Buddhism. Attachment, albeit a natural human feeling, has a dark side to it. When you are attached to something, be it good, bad, or neutral, you become convinced you cannot go on without it. “Embrace the unknown. Uncertainty is everywhere, whether you like it or not. It is the path towards true joy and openness to life’s wonders.” When you learn to let go of past hurts, hopes or anxieties about the future, you can then go with the flow of life and enjoy it without fear. 3. Every new path and experience means growth You always learn when you try something new, regardless of how successful or not you might have been. And with learning comes growth. It was once believed that we were born with all the neurons we would ever have. Nonetheless, we now know that new neurons get formed during adulthood, too. The same goes for new neural pathways. If your counterargument is: “It might be painful”, remember all the instances in which you endured pain for the sake of growth. Start with teething as an infant, for example. You would not relinquish your teeth because it hurt a little, would you not? Embrace the unknown: every new path means growth 4. Surviving the unknown makes you stronger It may be a cliché, but think of the unknown and uncertainty as an opportunity to survive and become stronger because of it. RELATED: Following Your Bliss: 5 Steps to Get Started The Time is Now: How to Stop Worrying About the Future One Upside to the Feeling of Uncertainty Unpredictable situations will arise, that is certain. They all bear valuable life lessons, no matter how petty or profound they may be. When you overcome obstacles and swim back out to the surface after a storm, you find yourself tougher and wiser than before. 5. There is always one thing you can control: your reactions When you fear uncertainty, you fear the loss of control. However, know that you can always control one thing, no matter what happens to you. Your reactions are absolutely in your power. Whatever happens, you will decide how to respond. We may not be able to control much of what happens to us in life, but we can choose how to handle the circumstances. So, ultimately, you do have control over uncertainty because you command your thoughts and behaviours. 6. The unknown can make life exciting Embracing the unknown comes with a recognition of the mysteriousness of life. Even though your first response might be: “Yes, I want to know my future!” upon closer introspection, you might be surprised. “To embrace the unknown is to live the life as it was meant to be lived — being surprised by all its miracles.” Indeed, a recent study from the University of Granada confirmed that most people do not really want to know what lies ahead. In fact, only 1 per cent of people consistently said they would want to know their future. Furthermore, between 40-70 per cent of participants in the study said they would not even want to know about the positive events in their future. The numbers for negative events are even higher – 85-90 per cent would not want to find out ahead about adversities that await them. To embrace the unknown is to live the life as it was meant to be lived — being surprised by all its miracles. Embrace Uncertainty: 6 Ways So, how can we learn to embrace the unknown if it is not our second skin? How do we learn to accept uncertainty and even enjoy it? Here are some ideas on how to stretch your comfort zone little by little: Stop overthinking and overplanning Trust your ability to land on your feet, no matter what happens. The next time you have a decision to make, embrace the unknown and do not try to predict your distant future. Stick with the immediate facts and choices. Learn to live in the present moment Another Buddhistic wisdom we all would benefit from – living in the now. We cannot change the past. We cannot predict the future. While we are trying the latter, we are missing out on the only thing we do have – the present moment. Indulge in spur-of-the-moment experiences I am not propagating recklessness or risky/unhealthy behaviour. However, when things are safe, do allow yourself some impulsiveness. I am talking about an unplanned trip with your friends, for example. Even taking an unplanned route to work or anywhere else could help you practice embracing the unknown. Do not compare your past experiences with what is happening right now. If you do, you might start acting on the basis of what had happened sometime before, not what is going on right now. And you could fear the outcomes that once ensued – but you do not know what will happen this time. Switch fear for curiosity A 2021 study published in Current Psychology revealed that mindfulness truly contributes to meaning in life. However, this relationship is mediated by curiosity and openness to experience. In other words, when you decide to be curious about what happens next, you will learn to embrace the unknown and uncertainty and, at the same time, help other beneficial psychological processes to evolve freely. Exercise gratitude When you develop the habit of being grateful, you also learn to notice how every situation brings something to be thankful for. Such a skill will help you embrace the unknown because you know that every cloud has a silver lining. Takeaway: Embracing the Unknown Uncertainty will always be a part of life. This is a given. And, paradoxically, the more you try to prepare for the unpredictable, the more surprised you may become. I am not saying you should give up on acquiring information, planning or developing your skill-set. You should always strive to be the most resilient and resourceful version of yourself. However, if you see the unknown as the enemy, chances are, you will not be able to enjoy the variety of life. The unknown comes with both the good and the bad. If you only expect enjoyable experiences and avoid anything new for your fear of adversities, you might miss out on half of life. So, embrace the unknown. Uncertainty is everywhere, whether you like it or not. When you welcome it into your existence, you will be at peace. Embracing the unknown is the path towards true joy and openness to life’s wonders. • Images: shutterstock/everst, shutterstock/StunningArt happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ sharing and supporting others in our happiness forum Authenticity | Courage | Assertiveness Written by Stanislava Puač Jovanović Stanislava Puač Jovanović has a master’s degree in psychology and works as a freelance writer and researcher. Her primary focus is on questions relating to mental health, stress-management, self-development and well-being.

Can 12 ideas be described as constituting pillars of well-being? Ed Gould examines the ideas of leading psychologist Rick Hanson that can help you optimize your happiness. An expert in his field and creator of the 12 pillars of well-being, Rick Hanson is the author of several books on happiness and well-being. In Hardwiring Happiness, for example, the eminent psychologist discusses how recent scientific studies have led to a greater understanding of the correlations between neural structures and mental well-being. A senior fellow of the Greater Good Science Centre at University College Berkeley, Hanson's scientific ideas have featured in many news features around the world, such as with the BBC and CBS. He has spoken at Oxford, Stanford and Harvard universities, to name but a few. Gratitude: one of the 12 pillars of well-being However, Rick Hanson is probably best known as the founder of the Wellspring Institute for Neuroscience and Contemplative Wisdom, an institution that is centred on his idea of the 12 pillars of well-being. Along with his other best-selling publications, Just One Thing, Buddha's Brain and Mother Nature, Hanson produces a free newsletter that has over 100,000 subscribers. Throughout his published work and regular newsletters, Hanson's extensive career has been leading many to the 12 pillars of well-being concept. What are the 12 pillars of well-being? What is it that Rick Hanson can teach us about happiness and contentment and how do the 12 pillars of well-being help us to achieve them? Let's examine Rick Hanson's concept in the first place. .embed-container { position: relative; padding-bottom: 56.25%; height: 0; overflow: hidden; max-width: 100%; } .embed-container iframe, .embed-container object, .embed-container embed { position: absolute; top: 0; left: 0; width: 100%; height: 100%; } “Hanson's 12 pillars of well-being are designed to create a simple path that will enable you to grow a dozen strengths needed for better well-being.” The first thing to note about the Rick Hanson model of well-being is that it is two-dimensional. This is not to say that it has no depth, rather that you can imagine the 12 pillars of well-being laid out on a grid. Across the top of the grid are the names of the “Four R's” which constitute the grid's four columns. According to Hanson, these represent the mainstays of well-being: Recognising Resourcing Regulating Relating Running horizontally are three core needs we all have: Safety Satisfaction Connection From either the core needs or from the category of well-being, it's then possible to get to each of the 12 pillars. For example, where Resourcing coincides with Connection, the pillar is named as “Confidence”. Alternatively, where Regulating and Safety intersect, the pillar would be “Calm”. Because the 12 pillars of well-being are arranged, or, more accurately, can be thought of in this way, it's possible to truly understand which each one represents. “Mindfulness” and “Motivation” are both pillars that connect to the core need of Satisfaction, for example. The 12 Pillars of Well-Being: Dr Rick Hanson How to use the 12 pillars of well-being Hanson's 12 pillar concept is designed to create a simple path that will enable you to grow a dozen strengths needed for better well-being. However, they are not simply healthy habits to get into or new ways of thinking about the world. The pillars are designed to make alterations inside your brain so that you can get the most out of your life. Primarily, Hanson is using the well-known medical phenomenon of neuroplasticity within each of our brains to reorganize neural networks. He's showing us how this can be done for improved mental and lifestyle outcomes. Much as someone who has suffered a brain injury will learn how to perform certain tasks using other parts of their cortex, so the 12 pillars of well-being can help us to rewire our brains for beneficial effects. How does this work? .embed-container { position: relative; padding-bottom: 56.25%; height: 0; overflow: hidden; max-width: 100%; } .embed-container iframe, .embed-container object, .embed-container embed { position: absolute; top: 0; left: 0; width: 100%; height: 100%; } “Hanson's pillars of happiness remind us that our neural networks need rewiring from several different angles at once to achieve a true equilibrium.” You may already work on your self-development in particular ways. For example, you may have embarked on a programme of self-compassion by reaffirming positive things about yourself each day. Under Hanson's 12 pillar model, you are “Recognising” the core need of “Safety” by being self-caring in this way. Every time you go through a ritual of self-caring or take the time to compliment yourself, then you're reinforcing a neural structure at a physical level within the brain. Equally, if you're working on scientifically-proven techniques to improve confidence, such as working on your support network more regularly, then Hanson's model would ascribe this to “Resourcing” your core need for “Connection”. However, these are just individual examples of rewiring neural networks. The point is that having the 12 pillars of well-being in place will help to make sure that you're not missing out on any single element. Love yourself: self-care is one of the pillars of happiness All too often, we identify a need for our inner well-being and focus on that. Although this is perfectly understandable and very human behaviour, it's not always the best route to overall mental well-being. Hanson's pillars of happiness remind us that our neural networks need rewiring from several different angles at once to achieve a true equilibrium. Indeed, he points out that 12 essential elements, or pillars, lie at the heart of improving ourselves, not just one or two. Think of it regarding an athlete training for a competition. In this analogy, if they only work on one or two muscle groups, then they may find improved physical performance in some areas. However, if they neglect the other parts of their body, then they could find themselves going backwards in others. RELATED: The Attitude of Gratitude: 6 Ways it Can Change Your Life 7 Mindfulness Tips For Staying Engaged Top 5 Benefits of Gratitude Practice This is what Hanson is teaching us with the brain's need for 12 pillars to be fed at once, from mindfulness to gratitude, and from vitality to learning. As long as we work on each of our three core needs across the four mainstays of well-being, then each of the 12 pillars will contribute to a rewired brain that truly sets us on the path to greater enlightenment and better mental well-being. Each pillar has a role to play What's more, Hanson's 12 pillars of well-being gives us a good idea of how to work on each pillar. As just one example, if we look at the fifth pillar, gratitude, Hanson describes what needs to be done to heighten behaviours that relate to gratitude. He shows us how to take pleasure by releasing inhibitions and focusing on all of our sensory experiences, not just on one or two. Furthermore, under the fifth pillar, he teaches how to take pleasure from every day, even mundane, things. Watch: The 12 Pillars of Well-Being with Dr Rick Hanson Similar advice can be found for each pillar, such as developing a sense of 'unilateral virtue' and 'speaking from the heart' under the tenth pillar of courage. Taken together – and not in isolation from one another – each pillar offers a step on a wider path. Like all journeys, each step forward marks progress but, crucially, will also lead to physical changes in our brains, as well. More information on each of the 12 pillars of well-being and some great instructional videos can be found at the Foundations of Well-Being. ● Images: Colourbox.com, shutterstock/Julia Savalishina Written by Ed Gould Ed Gould is a UK-based journalist and freelance writer. He's a practitioner of Reiki.

Both external and internal distractions can leave us unable to concentrate on the task at hand. So, if you regularly asks yourself 'why can't I focus?', these 8 tips from Sonia Vadlamani will teach you how to avoid distractions, concentrate better, and get that to-do list blitzed! Picture this: It’s a new working day and you’re determined to be productive. You sit at your desk, open the laptop, and review your schedule when suddenly your phone buzzes. A flood of app and social media notifications pulls your attention away from getting stuck in. You start working through your emails when someone pings you with a question on the work chat channel. Before you know it, you're being sucked away from your goals and failing to tackle your to-do list. Frustrated, you wonder, “Why do I get distracted easily?” Digital distractions such as these above plague us all in the age of smartphones, social media and remote working.There's no one-size-fits-all reason for why we get distracted, but understanding our individual triggers and personality types can help us understand how to avoid distractions. Why can’t I focus? Internal vs external issues Distractions come in different forms. Some distractions are internal – racing thoughts, lingering feelings, unresolved issues, etc – that arise from within. Such internal distractions stem from our state of mind and physical well-being also – stress, anxiety, hunger, lack of sleep, and illness can weaken focus, leaving us to ponder how to avoid distractions. External distractions, on the other hand, come from the world around you. Technology is a major culprit here – social media, shopping portals, and streaming services can consume precious hours even before you realize it. However, if used correctly, technology can also help you maximize your time, boost productivity and ensure you get shit done. Other external distractions stem from your surroundings, such as work environments, family responsibilities, and background noise, all of which can weaken focus and impact productivity. Hands free? Multitasking doesn't help you to focus better However, while distractions affect everyone, their impact varies from person to person. For example, researchers Furnham and Bradley studied how distractions like music or noise impact the retention ability in a group of extroverts and introverts. The study revealed that introverts retained more information and could recall greater detail in silence but performed substantially worse when exposed to music or noise from, say, a television in the background. In contrast, extroverts scored higher for recall ability with background music. RELATED: The Power of Silence: 10 Benefits of Cultivating Peace and Quiet When wondering “why do I get distracted easily,” you also need to factor in the role task enjoyment plays, which is a key factor in maintaining focus. Naturally, our interests vary – what appeals to one person may feel tedious to another. However, researchers agree that task enjoyment plays a crucial role in helping individuals self-regulate their focus and resist distractions to finish a task, particularly if the task involves a reward or advancement upon completion. How to avoid distractions Indeed, living in an interruption-heavy environment can affect our ability to concentrate on the task at hand, leaving us frustrated over stalled progress. Fortunately, there are strategies you can utilize to stay focused if you’re easily distracted: 1. List your distractions – then avoid them The most effective way to tackle the question “Why do I get distracted easily” is to start identifying the common interruptions in your environment and compile a list. You can use this knowledge to your advantage by removing these disturbances from your environment or at least limiting the interruptions for the window when you’re working or studying. “In addition to alleviating stress and boosting well-being, regular meditation practice can teach us how to avoid distractions and improve focus.” For instance, social media notifications appear high on my list of distractions, so my answer to “how to not get distracted” is to simply disable them when I’m working on an important project. Avoiding these notifications significantly improves my ability to concentrate on the task at hand. 2. Avoid multitasking Juggling multiple assignments can quickly become overwhelming and stressful, especially if you tackle them all at once. While multitasking can make you seem superhuman, frequent task-switching actually undermines productivity. A study by Nick Yeung et al. revealed that multitasking places a heavy cognitive load on the brain. Avoid distractions and keep mobiles at a distance Each time you switch tasks, your mind must recalibrate the settings of the task – remembering where you left off previously, refocusing on the new task, and repeating this process over and over. Rather than being a time-saver, this constant shifting weakens your focus and turns into a major distraction. 3. Improve your sleep cycle and lifestyle An unhealthy lifestyle, irregular sleep, poorly timed meals, and inadequate hydration can create internal distractions, often leaving you wondering “Why can’t I focus?”. Indeed, there is mounting evidence that hunger, thirst, and sleep deprivation can impair attention and decision-making. Prioritize your wellbeing – maintaining a regular sleep schedule, eating a nutrient-rich diet, and regular exercise – can significantly enhance focus. Researchers Y.K. Chang et al. found that even short bursts of physical activity, such as a quick stroll, hike, or a 20-minute jog can improve concentration and uplift mood. 4. Cultivate mindfulness The question “Why can’t I focus?” has bugged me several times, even outside of work or study sessions. If you’ve ever found yourself zoning out during conversations with friends or family movie nights, lost in thoughts of deadlines and to-do lists, mindfulness can be your answer to how not to get distracted and stay in the present. “If you're wondering “why can’t I focus,” try setting reasonable expectations of productivity: we focus better when we don’t work incessantly.” Mindfulness is the anchor that helps expand our awareness of the present moment by focusing on our thoughts, feelings, and emotions at a given point. Practising mindfulness can be your answer to how to not get distracted so often, by training your attention to stay in the present moment. This, in turn, can increase your chances to power through your to-do list at the desired pace with fewer distractions and thus greater efficiency. 5. Try meditation to improve your focus When wondering “why can’t I focus,” meditation can be your means to cultivate a sense of inner stillness and train the mind to resist distracting thoughts. In his book, The Art of Stillness, Pico Iyer, the eminent travel writer says, “The idea behind Nowhere – choosing to sit still long enough to turn inward – is at heart a simple one. If your car is broken, you don’t try to find ways to repaint its chassis; most of our problems – and therefore our solutions, our peace of mind – lie within.” Can't focus? Meditation can help build concentration skills In addition to alleviating stress and boosting well-being, regular meditation practice can teach us how to avoid distractions and improve our ability to focus on the task at hand, much like repairing the engine rather than repainting the car. 6. Set helpful boundaries The simplest answer to how to avoid distractions at work is to set healthy boundaries to prevent external distractions such as interruptions from co-workers, the endless slew of notifications on co-working apps, and background chatter. RELATED: ‘I Hate My Job!’ Cultivate These 6 Traits and Love Your Work Feeling Overwhelmed at Work? Here Are 9 Ways to Manage It Mindfulness at Work: 6 Productive Tips If you’re wondering how to stay focused while studying, the same principle applies. By taking simple yet effective measures – muting phone notifications, clearly communicating your availability to others, and saying 'no' to responsibilities you can’t handle – you’ll find your distractions dwindling and your productivity soaring. 7. Take regular breaks We often develop a skewed perception of productivity, so much so that we consider a break from work or studying as “unproductive” or unhelpful. However, I’ve noticed that working longer stretches sometimes leads to a creative impasse, whereas stepping away – in the form of making a cup of tea or a short stroll just outside – often has enabled me to come up with creative solutions with greater ease. “Avoid distractions at work by setting healthy boundaries to prevent external distractions such as interruptions from co-workers and background chatter.” Indeed, research consistently shows that taking regular breaks during work-days can enhance productivity as well as employees’ ability to innovate. Another study by DeskTime revealed that most productive people found it ideal to take a 17-minute break after working for 52 minutes in a stretch. If you're wondering “why can’t I focus,” try setting reasonable expectations of productivity: you may realize that we focus better when we don’t work incessantly. The takeaway: avoiding distractions Learning how to avoid distractions needs time and patience. Indeed, not all distractions are within our control, but we can choose how we respond to them and manage their impact. As you become aware of the time sinks specific to your environment, you’ll gradually develop a rhythm that enhances focus and allows for deep work, thus helping you achieve the desired results. While the tips above will help you minimize distractions, true focus arises from cognitive control – the ability to align your thoughts, emotions, and behaviours with the demands of the current task while consciously suppressing disruptive impulses. Ultimately, how to not get distracted is a matter of self-regulation. • Images: shutterstock/Andrey_Popov, shutterstock/Prostock-studio, shutterstock/Dmytro Zinkevych happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum Compassion | Nature | Self care | Retreats Written by Sonia Vadlamani Fitness and healthy food blogger, food photographer and stylist, travel-addict and future self journaler. Sonia loves to write and has resolved to dedicate her life to revealing how easy and important it is to be happier, stronger and fitter each day. Follow her daily pursuits at FitFoodieDiary or on Instagram.

Do the Sunday Scaries provoke that 'I don't want to go to work' dread in you? If so, cultivating these six traits from Dee Marques can help you become happier in the workplace and start looking forward to work. Turn your 'I hate my job' desperation into a 'I love my job' declaration! Work: we all need money to survive, but given the chance, how many of us would willingly work it if we didn’t need to? Our workplace is the space where we often spend one third (or more) of our day, so how we feel about our role can have a serious impact on our overall psychological well-being. In fact, unhappiness at work is actually commonplace. Indeed, you've probably screamed “I hate my job!” or heard one of your friends or family members do same in despair. So, how can we make work, well, work for us? Studies confirm that being unhappy at work over a period of time is linked to feelings of hopelessness, depression, anxiety, stress and sleep problems, as well as higher chances of developing high blood pressure, heart disease, and digestive issues – so not hating your job is actually a serious matter. Engagement is a key 'happy at work' trait However, sometimes we have to accept jobs we’d rather not be doing – the famous “but it pays the bills”. And, truth be told, few people would describe their work environment as being a truly happy place at all times. In fact, being dissatisfied at work has become so common that finding joy in the workplace is almost seen as some sort of luxury. For example, in the USA, nearly half of the workforce claims to be unhappy at work, and the figure is almost identical in the UK, suggesting a happy workplace is uncommon. I hate my job! Cultivate these 6 traits to enjoy work So, what if achieving happiness at work was more than wishful thinking? If you find the 'I don't want to go to work' Monday Blues tend to extend over your entire working week, then cultivate these six things and achieve real happiness in your job. 1. Purpose Purpose is one of the most important factors when it comes to finding happiness at work. Indeed, purpose or meaning ranks high when it comes to achieving a joyful life in general, therefore it’s not surprising that the same applies to finding happiness in your job, too. In fact, a feeling of purpose of life has been linked to higher motivation, commitment and productivity, all of which are positive emotional states that can contribute to happiness and, by extension, stop you hating your job. RELATED: Ikigai: What Is It and How to Find It Try to find purpose at work by thinking about what your job means when the greater good comes into the picture. If you're working in the 'helping' or 'saving' professions – a teacher, nurse, doctor, soldier, etc – then this shouldn't be difficult, but meaningful work isn't restricted to these types of professions. Sometimes it's not easy to discover the purpose in your work, but with just a bit of consideration, things become clearer. Even work considered menial by others can have a greater purpose. “A feeling of purpose has been linked to higher motivation, commitment, and productivity, all of which can stop you being unhappy in the workplace.” For example, think about the people who built great European monuments, like cathedrals and bridges. Their work would have been physically demanding and laborious and maybe they hated it, but they built something that was enjoyed for many generations to come, perhaps creating a sense of satisfaction. If you're always thinking 'I hate my job', you owe it to yourself to consider what would really inspire you to get up in the morning. Furthermore, taking personal responsibility for your professional growth can also help you find meaning and purpose, so set your own goals and make sure they’re aligned with meaningful values. Indeed, if you can find an employer that shares your values, then you're on the way to becoming a happier employee. Finding a career with purpose, such as nursing, can mean happy work 2. Engagement Feeling that your work day is plagued by apathy, finding excuses to go on yet another coffee break, arriving late or leaving early, starting a task then jumping away to browse the web… do any of these things sound familiar? These are all signs of disengagement at work and should be addressed, as they can lead to unhappiness with life, depression and even health-related issues. In fact, a 2015 Gallup survey shows that disengagement or feeling disconnected from work can lead to many health issues. For example, comparing engaged and disengaged employees in the United States, 56 per cent of the latter claimed to be stressed every day (compared with 36 per cent of those engaged), 23 per cent were more likely to be in pain (compared to 14 per cent), and 16 per cent more likely to be diagnosed with depression (compared to nine per cent). MORE LIKE THIS: Why Can't I Focus? 8 Tips on How to Avoid Distractions Feeling Overwhelmed at Work? Here Are 9 Ways to Manage It How to Get Shit Done: 8 Productivity Hacks To stop this from taking away your chance of finding happiness in your career, try to find the source of disengagement. Maybe you feel that your skills are not used to the fullest, or you hate your job because you feel stuck in a rut. Set yourself some short and mid-term goals or new responsibilities and bring them up with your manager. When you do so, explain that you’d like to be challenged and do more for the company, as this is likely to be well received. 3. Kindness A kind workplace is a happy workplace, or has more chances of being so. Your relationship with coworkers is closely connected to overall job satisfaction, and if that relationship is strained or marked by hostility or competition, it can affect your emotions. This makes sense considering that you’re probably spending 40 hours a week – or more – in close contact. In fact, poor workplace relationships are one of the most common complaints and a leading cause of work-related stress and people hating their jobs. It’s also worth mentioning that some studies have found that feeling lonely or isolated at work also has a negative impact on job performance. RELATED: How to Show Compassion at Work: 7 Top Tips Acts of kindness are an easy and quick way to build a positive work environment. Indeed, small gestures can go a long way. Going to the kitchen to make a drink? Make sure you ask your colleagues if they want anything too (and wipe clean the microwave while you're there, even if you didn't make the mess!). Heading on holiday? Bring a few treats back and leave them in the office kitchen or communal area. Small gestures of kindness create positivity and, in fact, boost productivity. “If you're unhappy at work, set yourself some short and mid-term goals or new responsibilities and bring them up with your manager.” Indeed, research from the Association of Professional Executives of the Public Service of Canada (APEX) showed that incivility has “profound implications on the level of energy, emotional engagement, and performance of work teams.” Its study found that teams in a respectful environment: Have 26 per cent more energy. Are 30 per cent more likely to feel motivated and enthusiastic about acquiring new skills and being exposed to new ideas. Express 36 per cent more satisfaction with their jobs and are 44 per cent more committed to their companies. 4. Flexibility The working world is becoming increasingly flexible with the growth of options like freelancing, working from home, job sharing, and the compressed working week. Of course, flexi-work comes with its pros and cons: key advantages include reduced commuting expenses and freedom to meet personal/family needs, while common downsides are learning to deal with distractions, isolation, and sticking to a schedule. However, importantly, flexibility at work can help achieve a good work-life balance and contribute to a happy workplace. Indeed, research studies have linked workplace flexibility to individual and team effectiveness, stress reduction, and greater commitment to the job. Balancing act: flexible working often boosts happiness If you're always thinking 'I hate my job' and think more freedom and flexibility could help you relieve your unhappiness, approach your employer to see how they feel about flexi-work, highlighting the benefits and your willingness to help create a happy workplace that is conducive to productivity. More and more employers are open to flexible working hours and realizing the potential it has for creating happy employees. Indeed, many companies are toying with the idea of introducing four-day working weeks, with some showing positive results in trials. There's emerging evidence that a compressed working week can boost both productivity and happiness in workers. For example, Pursuit Marketing in Glasgow, Scotland, switched 120 people to a four-day week in late 2016 and claims it has been key in a 30 per cent productivity rise. 5. Appreciation Not feeling appreciated is one of the main reasons why people become unhappy and quit their jobs, as it can be both demoralising and frustrating. Not feeling appreciated can appear in many ways: your manager not paying attention to you, not being paid what you deserve, or not receiving credit for work, or – worse still – someone else taking credit for your ideas. These are all scenarios you may have experienced at some point. “Instead of thinking 'I hate my job', reframe negative thoughts and focus on being adaptable. Start practices like meditation and mindfulness, which can help you develop a more flexible frame of mind – the basis for resilience.” Sometimes it can be the case that employers genuinely don't care about their employees, but it's better to first give the benefit of the doubt: often managers are so busy they haven't realised they've been neglecting you. If you're not feeling appreciated, speak with them or human resources directly and ask for regular, six-month reviews to discuss how you're progressing in your role and the company. Kindness pays: be nice to colleagues and create a happy workplace Prepare well for your meeting and draw up a list of what you want to discuss and all your recent achievements (to jog your manager’s memory of your fantastic work), especially if you're asking for a pay rise. As well as discussing your strengths, discuss any areas where you can develop further. While you're waiting for your chance to shine, you can still show your appreciation for your coworkers (who may also be thinking 'I hate my job!'). This will help generate a more positive work atmosphere and create a happy workplace where people feel valued. In fact, the link between giving and happiness is well documented, since studies show that being generous increases personal happiness, and this includes giving intangible things like our time or appreciation for others. 6. Resilience Stress, uncertainty and unhappiness cannot be completely avoided in the workplace, so the best thing you can do is grow stronger to cope with professional setbacks. In other words, cultivate resilience. This doesn’t mean putting up with what you dislike, as this would only make you feel more disengaged, but rather to change your mindset when that 'I don't want to go to work' feeling kicks in. RELATED: Mindfulness at Work: 6 Productive Tips Instead of thinking 'I hate my job', reframe negative thoughts and focus on being adaptable. Start practices like meditation and mindfulness, which can help you develop a more flexible frame of mind – the basis for resilience. In fact, any stress management technique can help build resilience, as you’ll be in control instead of letting workplace stressors take over your mood. You can also invest in activities that strengthen your inner self, whether than means going on a retreat, taking up yoga, or a creative hobby. The takeaway: I don't want to go to work If you hate your job and are feeling unhappy, invest in developing these six traits – some of the many building blocks of happiness – into your professional life. Taking your time to work on purpose, engagement, kindness, flexibility, appreciation and resilience, and your efforts will pay off. Furthermore, finding happiness at work will also reflect in other aspects of your life. ● Images: shutterstock/Pressmaster, shutterstock/RawPixel.com, pixabay/ludi happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practice, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free now to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum Stress management | Work life balance | Burnout Written by Dee Marques A social sciences graduate with a keen interest in languages, communication, and personal development strategies. Dee loves exercising, being out in nature, and discovering warm and sunny places where she can escape the winter.

Obsessive thoughts are damaging to both mental and physical health. Discover how to stop thinking about something – or someone – with these 9 techniques from Dee Marques. Ever found yourself replaying the same thought in your head over and over? Maybe it's a work mistake that keeps haunting you, a conversation where you wish you'd said something different, or a future scenario you can't stop worrying about. Sounds familiar? That’s because most of us tend to overthink to some extent. Obsessive thinking can be exhausting and in some cases, even distressing. The good news is that you can regain control over your thoughts. In this article, we’ll explore why we fixate on certain thoughts, how to recognise when they become unhealthy, and some tips on how to stop thinking about something when it's affecting your well-being. What does it mean if you can't stop thinking about something We all overthink from time to time. In fact, it’s estimated that our brain generates more than 6,000 thoughts per day, and an astonishing 95% of those are thought to be repetitive. Can't stop thinking about something? You cam change that With that said, not all repetitive thinking is cause for concern. Let’s break it down: Regular overthinking. Overthinking can be a natural response to stress or uncertainty. If you have an upcoming exam, a job interview, or an important decision to make, it’s normal to mentally rehearse different scenarios. This type of overthinking is a part of problem-solving and shouldn’t be concerning. Rumination When repetitive thoughts become intrusive and unproductive, rumination can take over. Here, the brain isn’t trying to problem solve, but instead keeps replaying past mistakes, regrets, or worst-case scenarios. Approximately 73% of young adults experience some level of rumination, although in people aged 60 and over, this figure reduces to 20%. OCD and anxiety disorders In more extreme cases, repetitive thoughts may be linked to conditions like Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) or Generalised Anxiety Disorder (GAD). People with OCD often experience unwanted, distressing and obsessive thoughts that lead to compulsive behaviours. Research suggests that around 1.2% of adults in the UK have OCD. Anxiety disorders affect more than 300 million people worldwide, and over 5.5% of the UK population. When is overthinking harmful? So, how can you tell that you’ve gone beyond 'regular' overthinking and into that more dangerous, obsessive manner of thinking? Here are some signs to watch out for: • You lose sleep because your mind won’t switch off. • The same thought interferes with your ability to concentrate, or to be present. • Your thoughts are affecting your mood beyond your control, making you feel anxious or hopeless. • So-called 'paralysis by analysis' – where the fear of making mistakes stops you from acting. • You keep replaying past situations or future scenarios, but never come close to a solution. • You feel mentally drained and struggle to enjoy things as you normally would. • Your obsessive thinking is leading to compulsive behaviours, like constantly checking or seeking reassurance. The harmful effects of obsessive thinking If left unchecked, repetitive thoughts can take a toll on multiple areas of your life. You can become more at risk of experiencing mental health issues like anxiety, stress, and depression, which affects up to 50% of people with OCD-related disorders. Obsessive thoughts can also negatively affect your physical health, causing headaches, muscle tension, and even digestive problems – in addition to sleep disruption, which is harmful to your overall metabolism and well-being. “Your brain can’t handle two thoughts at the same time, so immersing yourself in an activity that demands your full attention leaves no room for intrusive thoughts.” Being unable to control obsessive thoughts can put a strain on relationships, since overthinking often causes unnecessary internal conflict and constant doubt that pushes people away. And lastly, far from helping you be logical and think things though, obsessive thinking actually impairs problem-solving abilities. Instead of finding solutions, you remain stuck in a vicious circle of worry, what ifs, and stress. Intrusive thoughts can become damaging How to stop thinking about something If obsessive thoughts are taking over and you're wondering how to stop thinking about something (or someone), the key is being determined to break the cycle. Here are some practical things to try: 1. Catch-Check-Change technique Try to use this reframing technique often, until it becomes as automatic as your obsessive thoughts! First, catch the thought and place it into an “unhelpful thought” category, such as blaming yourself, worst-case scenario, black-and-white thinking, or ignoring positive facts. Then, fact-check the thought. Is it actually happening? Are there alternative explanations? Are you fabricating evidence in your head? What are other potential outcomes? With that in mind, change the thought so it has a more neutral tone. You can find examples and a template for this technique here. 2. Mindfulness meditation Mindfulness teaches you to observe your thoughts without getting caught up in them. Research shows that mindfulness and meditation skills can reduce the mental discomfort in OCD patients, so these tools surely can help with other forms of overthinking too. 3. Write it down One practical way to stop thinking about someone or something is to transfer the thought out of your head onto paper. Writing thoughts down and describing the context where they appear can help clear your mind and put thoughts and their associated emotions out there, instead of keeping them endlessly looping inside your head. “One practical way to stop thinking about something or someone is to transfer the thought out of your head onto paper.” You can jot obsessive thoughts down as they come or you may want to incorporate specific journalling techniques. Writing not only helps release disturbing thoughts, but can also help with the following tip below. How to stop thinking about something? Write it out! 4. Identify triggers You can go back to what you’ve written to pinpoint the triggers that fuel your overthinking. It could be scrolling through social media, discussing a certain topic, talking to a specific person, etc. Identifying the trigger is crucial if you want to set boundaries and reduce exposure to the things that activate repetitive thought patterns. MORE LIKE THIS: What's the Point of Life? 3 Questions You Need to Ask Yourself Feeling Lost in Life? Move On In 7 Steps Inner Peace: the 3 Key Techniques to Finding It 5. Set a ‘worry time’ The problem with intrusive thoughts is that they can easily take over your mood and mindset all day. “Not thinking those thoughts” may not be realistic at first, but you can still limit their impact by allocating a 10-minute worry window – but remember to “close that window” once the time is up. 6. Distract yourself Your brain can’t handle two thoughts at the same time, so immersing yourself in an activity that demands your full attention leaves no room for intrusive thoughts. Distractions could include doing a puzzle, memorising and reciting a favourite poem or song, playing memory games, watching a comedy show, going out to the movies, etc. RELATED: Flow State and Happiness: How to Achieve It 7. Talk it out Voicing your thoughts out loud can break the cycle of overthinking, in a similar way to writing them out. Although at first you may feel embarrassed or vulnerable, talking to a trustworthy friend or relative can help you realise that things are not as overwhelming as they feel in your head. The old adage 'a problem shared is a problem halved' really rings true. 8. Get moving Exercise is one of the most effective ways of limiting the distressing effects of overthinking. In addition to releasing endorphins (natural stress relievers), exercise also physically pulls you out of your head and into the present moment. Ideally, you want to make this a part of your routine. According to some studies, even 10-minute sessions 3-4 days per week can help shift your focus. Try mindful running or – if you're feeling brave – wild swimming. Exercise is a great way to take your mind off things 9. Seek professional health If you’ve tried all of the above and still don’t know how to stop thinking about something, don’t hesitate to seek support. A mental health professional can offer strategies tailored to your situation and help you break free from intrusive thought cycles. Takeaway: how to stop thinking about something Overthinking can feel like an endless battle, but you can win this one. By understanding why you obsess over things and using the tips we described in this article, you can figure out how to stop thinking about something and improve the quality of your life and overall well-being. The key is to remember that thoughts are just that: 'thoughts'. They don’t define you, and they don’t have to control you. You are not your thoughts. With the right strategies, you can train your brain to focus on the present and embrace a calmer and clearer mindset. ● Images: shutterstock/fizkes, shutterstock/Gladskihk Tatiana, shutterstock/Lysenko Andrii, shutterstock/veronaman happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up free to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum Work life balance | Kindness | Compassion Written by Dee Marques A social sciences graduate with a keen interest in languages, communication, and personal development strategies. Dee loves exercising, being out in nature, and discovering warm and sunny places where she can escape the winter.

Meditation is more popular than ever, but many common misconceptions about the practice still remain. So, from aiming to control your thoughts to only meditating cross-legged, Ann Vrlak debunks seven common meditation myths. Meditation is one of the most natural, simple activities we can do, but, ironically, many people find it difficult. There are some good reasons why meditation practice can be challenging, especially for beginners, but one of the biggest reasons is the many misconceptions about meditation and what’s supposed to happen when you do it. Whether you have tried meditation before or not, we’d like to debunk some of the most common meditation myths. We hope this might inspire you to try again – or give this healthy habit a chance. Myth 1. Meditation Means I Have to Control My Thoughts The belief that you have to control your thoughts is the biggest misconception about meditation. Thinking is what your mind does and, generally, it is very good at it! When you try to stop your thinking, your thinking will usually become more active. It’s like trying to stop a river from flowing. Meditation is about learning to relate to your thinking differently. In particular, a core meditation skill is observing your thoughts. To stay with the river analogy, it’s like standing on the shore of the river watching thoughts go by, rather than being carried away by it. Meditation is about observing thoughts, not controlling them This objectivity helps you to better understand what you think about and how your mind behaves. You become familiar with thoughts that upset you or lead you toward bad decisions. Most importantly, it strengthens your “observing mind,” the part of your attention that can be a calm, caring witness of your experiences. This is a much more powerful skill than it may sound. Myth 2: Meditation Makes People Check Out What image comes to mind when you think of someone meditating? It might be someone sitting cross-legged on the floor, with their eyes closed. This image seems to suggest someone who is out of the flow of life, “not letting things affect them.” “Believing you have to control your thoughts is the biggest misconception about meditation. Thinking is what your mind does and, generally, it is very good at it!” Like some meditation misconceptions, there is a hint of truth in this, and a lot of misunderstanding. Often meditation is done in a quiet place, away from daily activity, so you can learn to focus your attention – where you can develop that objectivity we just mentioned. This builds your self-awareness and balance to help you manage life’s challenges with less stress. You become more aware, more engaged – not less. Indeed, meditation deepens your connection with yourself which helps you feel more connected to – and concerned for – others. Myth 3. Meditation Can Only be Done Sitting Cross-legged The image we mentioned before of someone sitting cross-legged on a cushion is traditional, that’s true. This posture puts the body into an aligned, alert position that supports your nervous system. But, in fact, you can meditate lying down or in any position you like because meditation is for everyone. MORE LIKE THIS: How to Meditate in Bed for Beginners Outdoor Meditation: How to Meditate in Nature Mindfulness Vs Meditation: What's the Difference? Fitness, age, injury or energy level does not determine whether or not you can benefit from meditation. In fact, there is an ancient meditation practice called yoga nidra that's done lying down and is a deep relaxation experience for mind and body. Myth 4. I Should Feel Peaceful or Relaxed When I Meditate What if you feel anxious or agitated when you meditate? Does it mean “you’re not doing it right” or “you can’t meditate”? The myth that you will always feel peaceful or relaxed when you meditate is one of the most unfortunate misconceptions about meditation. You can practise meditation anywhere: there are no rules These feelings are, in fact, common first experiences with meditation – and sometimes a recurring one. Why? Because you are slowing down and paying attention to your mind and body in ways you do not usually do. Often there is some stress or an uncomfortable emotion under the surface that we are too busy to notice. Meditation isn’t causing the discomfort, it’s just showing you it’s there. From here, you learn skills to help you respond to your challenges with mindfulness and compassion. Meditation is not about achieving any particular feeling. It’s about learning to be with your experience, as it is, with kindness and curiousity. If you feel anxious, the practice is to be kind with it – not to try to get rid of it. The goal is to grow your ability to be with your experiences, good and bad, without resisting and judging. Myth 5. I Just Don’t Have Time to Meditate There is a popular saying in meditation circles: “If you don’t have five minutes to meditate, you should meditate for 30.” In other words, if your days are so busy that taking five minutes to breathe and be present seems like too much, you need even more of a break! This is a meditation misconception that is easy to accept because modern living does encourage us to do more and more, faster and faster. But, taking breaks to pause, rest our minds and refresh our energy make us more productive, not less. “While there are good reasons to use traditional meditation postures, there are also many benefits to practising meditation lying down or any position you like.” Not only that, but there are many ways to take short meditation breaks in your day. Use a daily activity as a reminder to do a three-minute conscious breathing exercise, like when you're getting ready for bed or getting dressed for work in the morning. Developing a habit of mini-meditations is a wonderful way to create restful spaces in your day. A little meditation can go a very long way. Myth 6. I Need to Have a Spiritual or Religious Belief to Meditate Some of the core meditation practices that are still with us today came out of ancient spiritual traditions. But, those traditions, like Buddhism, have a deep foundation in human psychology and also in equality. MORE LIKE THIS: 10 Types of Meditation: Which Style is Best For You? Meditation For Beginners: Our Top 6 Videos Does Meditation Really Work? Here's What Science Says Meditation was a practice created to help people understand the common causes of suffering and of happiness that affect everyone. There was not, and still is not, any need to believe in any spiritual dogma to meditate. All you need is a desire to better understand yourself to help you lead a happier life. We also now have decades of scientific data that has proven the benefits of meditation, from stress relief to alleviating depression, are shared among secular and non-secular people. Myth 7. Meditation Is Self-Centered Does “going inward” in meditation encourage you to become self-centred? This is one of the more well-meaning misconceptions about meditation. A practice that made you more concerned about yourself than others would not add anything very positive to the world. Meditation doesn't have to be done cross-legged in Lotus position But, meditation is just the opposite. One of the effects of understanding ourselves better through meditation is understanding others better. When you see your own anxiety and work with it compassionately, something automatically happens: you have compassion for others who experience anxiety too. When you relieve your own anxiety through kind attention, you may want to do the same for someone else. Takeaway: meditation myths I hope I've dispelled some of the myths about meditation you may have heard. Especially in the modern world, meditation can seem like an unusual activity, something foreign to our usual way of doing things. It’s true in some ways, but that’s actually a good thing. Taking some time to slow down and breathe, for example, is a simple, healthy antidote to being constantly active. Paying attention to and being kind to your experiences can help you be more at ease in yourself when daily pressures are piling up. If you’d like to try meditation, keep these myths about meditation in mind. Meditation is always meant to be a safe space where you show up as you are, and are met without judgement or expectation. • Images: shutterstock/Monster Ztudio, shutterstock/Max Belchenco, shutterstock/ABO PHOTOGRAPHY happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips Gratitude | Stress Management | Mindfulness Written by Ann Vrlak Ann Vrlak is Founder of OneSelf Meditation and a meditation practitioner for over 25 years. She’s a Certified Meditation Teacher for adults and for children (the best job ever!). She loves to share how the perspective and practice of meditation can support people with their everyday stresses and on their journey of self-discovery.

Listening to mindfulness podcasts is a great new way of discovering more about the practice while you're relaxing or on the go. Dee Marques shares her top seven podcasts about staying mindful that can boost your well-being, enrich your life and inspire you further. Are you searching for the best mindfulness podcast but overwhelmed by all the choices online? You're not the only one! Indeed, podcasts have experienced a tremendous surge in popularity recently. Estimates suggest there are more than 800,000 podcast shows available worldwide, and in the UK, it’s thought that more than 7 million people listen to a podcast regularly. Meanwhile, in the US, almost one in three of the population tune in to at least one podcast each month. But podcasts aren’t the only thing that’s growing at a tremendous pace: mindfulness has also become one of the most popular trends in the world of spirituality and well-being. With this in mind, it’s hardly surprising that the number of mindfulness podcasts just keeps increasing – making it harder to find the best one to fit your lifestyle! Why choose a podcast about mindfulness? So, what exactly makes mindfulness podcasts so appealing? After all, there are some great mindfulness apps and mindfulness books that you can use to develop your practice. Well, it’s all a matter of convenience and lifestyle fit. Apps are designed to be mostly interactive in that you need to be paying attention to your phone or tablet. Something similar happens with books – you cannot read a book and at do something else at the same time (and that wouldn't be very mindful!). On the other hand, mindfulness podcasts are much more convenient because they allow you to multi-task. That may seem to go against the whole essence of mindfulness (!), but it can be useful considering how busy we are. You can download episodes so you can listen to them during the daily commute, while you're working out, or when you’re busy with household chores, etc. Also, podcasts tap into our social nature because they’re usually delivered in a conversational format. Another advantage of mindfulness podcasts is that they bring together different points of view and insights that can enrich our learning journey. The best mindfulness podcasts to listen With an ever increasing number of podcasts to choose from, it can be hard to decide which one you should listen to first. We’d like to make things easier for you, so – in no particular order – here’s our selection of the best mindfulness podcasts. Let us know what you think of them after you've listened, or what your other favourites are, down in the comments below. Happy listening. 1. 10% Happier First in our list of outstanding mindfulness podcasts is 10% Happier. This podcast is hosted by Dan Harris, a journalist who experienced first hand the benefits of mindfulness and meditation in treating anxiety. Far from only giving his personal views, Dan Harris’ podcast features guest interviews who bring a rich range of views and experiences that will appeal to a wide audience. This podcast will be of interest to people who are sceptical about the benefits of mindfulness, or to those who think that this practice is at odds with being an ambitious high achiever. If you’d like to know more about how to use mindfulness to be both productive and kind, this is the right podcast for you. 2. Mindfulness Mode Mindfulness Mode is an interview-based podcast focusing on both the practical and scientific aspects of mindfulness. The host is Bruce Langford, an established coach who specialises in helping others focus on their goals, manage stress, and achieve higher levels of personal and professional development. RELATED: 7 mindfulness tips for staying engaged The podcast features interviews with experts and discusses how to apply mindfulness to different aspects of our lives. Past episodes have covered topics like using mindful listening, mindfulness in corporate settings, and how to apply mindfulness to improve sports performance. 3. Tara Brach Podcast Tara Brach is an author, teacher, and practitioner who runs meditation retreats and workshops in Europe and the United States. She’s also a recognized figure in the world of Buddhism and other Eastern spiritual practices. After years of intensive practice and research, she's now considered a leading authority in the use of mindfulness strategies in psychotherapy. • JOIN US! Sign-up to happiness.com and connect with our caring community • In addition to running online mindfulness courses, she hosts an incredibly popular podcast that gets more than 1.5 million downloads every month – definitely one of the greatest mindfulness podcasts out there judging by the those figures. Her podcast episodes come in a variety of formats, from short talks to guided Tara Brach meditations. 4. The Rubin Mindfulness Meditation This podcast is run by the Rubin Museum of Art. Based in New York City, this institution has made its mission to share with others information about the values, beliefs, and culture of Himalayan cultures. As such, mindfulness plays a crucial role in the museum’s ethos, to the point that they broadcast weekly podcast episodes on this topic. RELATED: Mindfulness vs meditation – what's the definition The podcast is designed to appeal to people from all walks of life, whether they already have some knowledge of mindfulness or not. Each podcast lasts 45 minutes and approximately half of it is devoted to a guided mindfulness meditation session delivered by expert teachers. This is a real bonus if you want a practical element to your mindful podcast which you can enjoy there and then. 5. On Being On Being is an award-winning podcast created by Krista Tippett. This show was launched with the intention of being a digital gathering place for anyone interested in taking a more mindful and spiritual approach to what it means to be human. While the podcast doesn’t exclusively focus on mindfulness, awareness of being is at the core of it and is also one of the key elements involved in developing a mindfulness practice. “You can download mindfulness podcasts and listen to them during the daily commute, while you're working out, or when you’re busy with household chores.” This podcast has more than 200 million downloads and has been aired for 17 years – quite a feat in itself, which definitely speaks of its popularity. On Being is delivered in conversation format, and former guests have included best-selling authors, philosophers, and spiritual leaders such as Elizabeth Gilbert, Alain de Botton and Desmond Tutu. 6. Untangle Untangle is another interview-based podcast that releases new episodes every Tuesday. This podcast is co-hosted by former social media executive Patricia Karpas and Ariel Garten, who is known for developing a headband that helps improve the quality of meditation sessions. RELATED: The 5 best happiness apps to improve well-being After experiencing the transformative benefits of mindfulness in their own lives, the hosts decided to launch a podcast to help other people reap the same benefits. Episodes last anything between 25 and 45 minutes and the interviews discuss the real life applications of mindfulness. 7. The Mindful Coping Podcast You may want to tune into the Mindful Coping podcast to learn how your mindfulness practice can help you cope with the stress of daily life. Your host is Jeff Krisman, who has been studying and practising mindfulness for over two decades. RELATED: Happiness podcasts – 8 that we rate In each episode, Jeff shares valuable insights on how mindfulness has helped him cope with difficult situations: from handling stress during the festive season to being overwhelmed by self-pity or disappointment. This podcast is characterised by a very relatable human-to-human tone that makes it very easy and pleasant to listen to. Mindfulness podcasts: a useful tool to live better Podcasts are convenient way of stepping up your mindfulness practice, or to get started with one. One of their main advantages is that you can listen to them while you work on other things. These shows deliver valuable insights that can help you live better and happier. We hope you’ll be able to find a podcast that speaks to you in our selection of best mindfulness podcasts. Happy listening! ● Main image: shutterstock/Flamingo Images Do you listen to any of these mindfulness podcasts? We'd love to know which are your favourites. Let the community know in the comments below... happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ develop with free online classes in our happiness Academy Stress management | Music | Depression Written by Dee Marques A social sciences graduate with a keen interest in languages, communication, and personal development strategies. Dee loves exercising, being out in nature, and discovering warm and sunny places where she can escape the winter.

Yes, happiness is a choice and not a result of achievements or materialism. From choosing gratitude to quality friendships, maintain a happy vibe with these 8 tips from Calvin Holbrook. As editor of this happiness magazine, you'd be forgiven for thinking that I leap out of bed each morning after a restful slumber with a grin on my face, full of great intentions for the day ahead. Not so! Indeed, for the main part, for me, happiness is a choice, rather than my natural state of being. In fact, like all of us, I’m not happy all the time (let’s face it, that would just be weird). In reality, for me, authentic happiness doesn't signify a lack of negative feelings such as sadness and pain, but an ability to experience a wide spectrum of emotions while managing to appreciate – and stay focused on – the positive things that I do have in my life. According to psychologist Sonja Lyubomirsky, roughly 50 per cent of our natural happiness level is genetically determined (our so-called happiness set point). I believe my own happiness set point started out lower down the scale, but, with work, I’ve managed to boost it because – over time and consistently – I’ve made the choice to be happy, even when my life circumstances and situation were sending me into a spiral. Choosing kindness is choosing happiness Choosing to be happy is a constant effort, and to be honest, it’s not something that comes naturally. In fact, I’ve had to train myself to think happy. Indeed, like millions of us, I’ve struggled with depression and anxiety, lived through periods of debilitating panic attacks, and dealt with episodes of rumination that have beaten my mental health and happiness down. Along the way, I’ve learned that these problems should not define me or my mood. Indeed, I can still see happiness as a choice, but it requires focus and effort to stay positive (and, of course, professional help or medication when appropriate). Happiness fuels success, not vice versa The majority of people go through life thinking that happiness is something that happens to them as a result of success or something good happening, for example, getting a pay rise or getting 100 new likes on their latest Instagram post. Indeed, lots of people don’t realize that happiness is a choice, and instead go through the motions in life, waiting for joy to pop up and slap them in the face! “No matter how bad life seems, there’s always something positive to focus on. Since happiness is a choice, find things in your life you’re grateful for.” However, science shows that this type of instant gratification doesn’t really make us happy (not in the long-term, anyway). In fact, there is no magic pill to finding happiness. However, there is one thing that is required to boost well-being, and that is work. Work? Ugh! 'Fraid so. Because happiness is a choice, it needs to be worked at consistently, with effort, care and dedication. In fact, I believe the root to happiness is in the work you put into it. You have to commit to being happy, prioritize it, focus on it, and remain disciplined as much as possible, even in those dark and difficult days – especially on those dark days! If happiness is a choice, how can I work on it? It sounds staggering, but it’s reported that we make around 35,000 remotely conscious decisions every single day. From seemingly inconsequential stuff about choosing what to eat and what clothes to wear, to bigger things like who to love, how to spend our free time, whether to move city or quit the job we feel stuck in. Some of our choices turn out to be great and others not so. What they have in common though is that all of these choices are based in our deep desire to be happy. These choices make up part of our ‘life activity’. As mentioned earlier, genetics make up roughly half of happiness levels. The remainder depends on our circumstances (10 per cent) and this so-called ‘life activity’ (40 per cent). Paws for thought: choose meaningful relationships (pets count!) While we cannot always control our circumstances, we do have more control over our life activity. And if that life activity is said to be responsible for almost 40 per cent of our happiness, we can focus on making better choices here to increase our happiness levels. In fact, we can even make choosing happiness as one life choice! OK, I hear you: all of this is easier said than done. Life is tough. Shit happens. True, there are many challenging things that we will experience in life and we know that the only certainty is change (and the upheaval it can bring). This doesn't mean that all of life is bad, it just means that life isn't easy. But happiness does not come from your circumstances or your situation. Happiness comes from a choice that you make within. Learning how to choose happiness I’ve had to train my brain to choose happiness, even when my circumstances suggested the opposite. I believe I’ve boosted my natural happiness set point by carrying out specific ‘feel happier’ activities. If you're struggling to find the root of happiness, incorporate these eight science-backed tips into your daily life and you may start to feel happier. Stick at it, put in the hard work, and you should see results. 1. Choose gratitude and look on the bright side No matter how bad life seems, there’s always something positive you can find to focus on. It could be the fact you have a place to live, friends and family that love you, have clothes to wear, or even that you have eyes to see and legs to walk with. There are millions of people in the world that don't have all of these things. RELATED: Top 5 Benefits of Gratitude Practice 23 Gratitude Affirmations For Attracting Happiness Gratitude Meditation: 5 Benefits and How to Practise Since happiness is a choice, start finding things in your life that you're grateful for. It could also be seemingly small, general things that we often take for granted, such as the smell of cut grass, the sound of the ocean, etc. Writing these things down in a gratitude journal helps to solidify your happiness further. Develop an attitude of gratitude and jot down three good things about every day: studies have shown that doing this increases optimism, reduces anxiety, and chemically changes the brain to be more positive. 2. Choose to think positively Try to live by the ‘every cloud has a silver lining’ anecdote. Focusing on positive thoughts and trying to reducing negative thinking is easier said than done, but give the following technique a try. Each time you have a negative thought, simply replace it with a positive one. This practice will help to retrain your habitual thought patterns to bring more positive thoughts and happiness into your life. “Happiness is a choice, not a result of something else. Nothing will make you happy until you choose to be happy.” Changing perspective on your situation will help you find happiness. If you’ve made a mistake – however big – try to focus on your past achievements instead, visualizing your previous successes and happy times. 3. Choose to smile Turn that frown upside down! One of the most important figures in the fields of mindfulness and meditation, Thích Nhất Hạnh once wrote, “Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy.”’ Grinning gains: stay smiling and choose happy Indeed, studies have shown that smiling and other external expressions work as a continual feedback loop, helping to reinforce our internal emotions. A study by scientists at the University of Kansas found that making yourself smile can help lower your heart rate during stressful activities. So, smiling even when we feel down will gradually makes us feel happier (and healthier). Try smiling at strangers, too: as well as being a choice, positivity is contagious. 4. Choose meaningful relationships/interactions Research shows that happier people have rewarding social relationships. Indeed, humans are a social species and need regular contact. In fact, loneliness is proven to decrease levels of happiness, with recent studies show it can even be as harmful to mortality as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. "Research shows that happier people have rewarding social relationships. In fact, loneliness is proven to decrease levels of happiness.” So, to make a happiness a choice, choose quality friendships. In fact, prioritize being nice to people you don't know also: even a short positive interaction with a stranger has been proven to contribute to boosted well-being. 5. Choose kindness When you choose to do kinds acts for other people, so-called happiness hormones are released, boosting your serotonin, the neurotransmitter responsible for feelings of well-being and satisfaction. Endorphin levels also rise, leading to a phenomenon known as a 'helper’s high’. MORE LIKE THIS: The Power of Kindness: the Ripple Effects of Being Nice Human Kindness: Why We Need It More Than Ever 7 Ways to Choose Kindness Every Day Another physical benefit of kindness is that it can help to lower anxiety. Social anxiety is associated with low positive affect (PA), which relates to an individual’s experience of positive moods such as joy, interest, and alertness. A four-week study on happiness from the University of British Columbia found that participants who engaged in kind acts displayed major increases in their PA levels that were maintained during the study duration. Be kind to others and experience a 'helper's high' 6. Choose to be more mindful Mindfulness meditation is an great way to try to increase your happiness levels. Start your day with just 10-15 minutes of meditation, shortly after waking: the immediate heightened inner clarity and focus it will give you will set you up for they day ahead. RELATED: 10 Types of Meditation: Which Style Is Best For You? 9 Science-Backed Benefits of Meditation Outdoor Meditation: How to Meditate in Nature Many studies have shown that meditation can boost happiness levels by reducing stress hormones, shrinking the part of the brain that controls anxiety, and by stopping rumination, amongst other things. And, according to Psychology Today, meditation is the strongest mental practice to reset your happiness set point, thus turning you into a more joyful person and literally rewiring major areas in your brain. 7. Choose a purpose Meaningfulness is a happy factor that you can extend throughout your whole life. Whether it's volunteering, gardening, or becoming politically active, activities with a purpose have been shown to boost people's happiness and reduce stress levels at the same time. A study from the Annals of Behavioral Medicine found that people who took part in such activities became 34 per cent less stressed and 18 per cent less sad. 8. Choose to be satisfied Ex-US President Theodore Roosevelt once said, “comparison is the thief of joy.” And in today’s Insta-ready society this rings true more than ever. In a social media savvy world, flaunting your money, travels and other supposed successes or happiness is all too common. However, if happiness is a choice, then comparing yourself to other people will only result in unhappiness. Rate your mates: quality friendships bring happiness In fact, data from a 2010 survey of 19,000 Europeans showed that those who compared their incomes to others were less happy with what they had. The comparisons that were most damaging to happiness were when people compared their incomes to those of school and university friends (even though we know that money can’t buy happiness, right?) Choose to be satisfied with what you have and stop comparing your life to that of others. The takeaway: why happiness is a choice Abraham Lincoln is famously quoted as saying, “Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.” And he was right. Happiness is a choice but also a daily practice that requires time, effort and dedication. By carrying out our suggestions above, you should hopefully start to see some benefits. But, if you still fail to feel happy, take time to think through your actions. Are you doing the things you need to choose happiness or are you letting your emotions take control? If you’re trying to feel happier and you remain down or are struggling with depression, consult with your GP or therapist to seek professional help. Happiness is a choice and choosing help is a also a great step to getting started if you’re feeling blocked. • Images: shutterstock/New Africa, shutterstock/PeopleImages.com - Yuri. A, shutterstock/Dmytro Zinkevych, shutterstock/Personal Belongings Choosing happiness becomes easier when you have the right tools to help you. Sign up free to happiness.com today and share and support others in our forums. happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up free to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine ■ share and support in our happiness forum Unhappy in Life | Gratitude | Lemonading | Purpose of Life Written by Calvin Holbrook Calvin edits the happiness magazine, as well being an artist and lover of travel, swimming, yoga, dancing to house/techno, and all things vintage! Find out more.

If you're struggling to live in the present moment, these 10 mindfulness quotes from spiritual leaders will inspire you to stay grounded. Recall them when you need to be more mindful. By Calvin Holbrook. Over the past few years, the message about the power of mindfulness has boomed, and for good reason. By practising mindfulness you can be more aware and receptive to how you’re feeling and the reality that surrounds you. Staying mindful is a way of finding pleasure and fulfillment in everyday things and this can make a considerable contribution to your overall happiness. Indeed, by practising mindfulness we can improve our patience levels and also positively change our relationships with loved ones, leading to greater kindness, compassion and understanding. In simple terms, mindfulness is being aware of what is happening to you and around you right now without wishing it were different – even when it seems trivial or negative. Mindfulness also means accepting your life and not being critical or judgmental. In essence, practising mindfulness is simple and straightforward, but it may take time to develop the skills. Having inspiration in the form of mindfulness quotes can help you see the benefits of the practice and give you the power to keep going. The quotes below come from many experts in the field of mindfulness and meditation. Thinking more deeply about the meanings of these quotes will inspire you to practise mindful behavior each and every day. With time, you – and those around you – will really feel the benefits. Mindfulness quotes Recall these ten mindfulness quotes to inspire you and ground you when life is taking you out of the present moment. Focus and bring your mind back to the now. 1. “Wherever you are, be there totally.” Eckhart Tolle German-born Eckhart Tolle is a spiritual teacher and author and one of the most-quoted people when it comes to mindfulness. This quote sums up the essence of mindfulness: being completely in the moment of where you are. Firstly, it works in a mental or emotional setting: whatever your mood or feeling, acknowledge it and accept that that’s how it is at the moment. Don’t force changes (it will pass eventually). • JOIN US! Sign-up to get support from our caring community • This mindfulness quote also applies to your physical location or situation too. For example, you may be unhappy with your living situation at the moment, but simply accepting your situation and not judging it can help. Everything will change. Likewise, in a more positive sense, if you’re enjoying a walk by the seaside or practising some forest bathing, really be there: soak up the sights, sounds and smells of everything around you. Give life your undivided attention. 2. “You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.” Jon Kabat-Zinn This mindfulness quote from Jon Kabat-Zinn has to be one of our most-loved – and most repeated! Kabat-Zinn is widely recognized as being the father of mindfulness in the Western world. He's also the creator of the original Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) course. This well-known quote from him sums up how to deal with life’s ups and downs rather nicely. The waves represent life’s many – and unstoppable – changes and challenges. When faced with choppy seas, instead of drowning in them we can get on our surfboard and learn to deal with them by riding the waves. We will probably fall off our surfboard many times, but we can jump back on, and with practice, we can learn how to navigate life's ever-changing waters better. 3. “Be happy in the moment, that's enough. Each moment is all we need, not more.” Mother Theresa This mindfulness quote from nun and missionary Mother Teresa teaches us to enjoy the moment and not to want more than what we have. Sometimes it can be hard to fully embrace the now and stop worrying about the future, but this quote reminds us that we should try to live simply and in the present. It also reminds us that we should practise gratitude for what we have, however little. By always being more grateful in life, we can become less self-centred and materialistic, and overall become happier with our lives. 4. “Feelings come and go like clouds in a windy sky. Conscious breathing is my anchor.” Thích Nhất Hạnh One of the most influential figures in the fields of mindfulness, meditation and Buddhism, the wisdom of Thích Nhất Hạnh has provided countless quotes on mindfulness, but this is one of my favourites. This quote is all about remaining centred and focusing on our breath through meditation, despite any changes or upsets in our mind. By bringing your attention to your breath, you can calm a busy or troubled mind and bring about an equilibrium. 5. “The real question is not whether life exists after death. The real question is whether you are alive before death.” Osho Indian mystic Osho was a controversial character, but there’s nothing debatable about this mindfulness quote: we agree 100 per cent! So many of us are rushing through life, doing the things we have to do: the treadmill of work, paying the bills, taking care of the family, etc. But in doing so, we often don’t stop to take in the world around us fully. Being mindful means consciously being aware, stopping to appreciate every moment of life, instead of living it at breakneck speed. “Having some inspiration in the form of mindfulness quotes can help you see the benefits of the practice and give you the power to keep going.” Likewise, this mindfulness quote is also a reminder to ask yourself if you are really living your true, authentic life. Are you doing the things which make you happy in life or are you just a slave to the wage? Are you using all your skills and being the best person that you can be? Using mindfulness can be a great tool to be still and evaluate if you are really alive before death! 6. “Look past your thoughts, so you may drink the pure nectar of This Moment.” Rumi Rumi was a Persian poet born in 1207. Books of his poetry have sold millions of copies in recent years, making him one of the most popular poets in the United States. Pretty good going for someone that lived 800 years ago! This mindfulness quote from Rumi shows why his sayings are so popular. Incredibly, experts estimate that the average mind thinks between 60,000 – 80,000 thoughts a day. Some of those thoughts include minor things like what we are thinking to eat for breakfast, but other, deeper thoughts can fly through our minds all day, such as negative thoughts about the past (rumination) and worries for the future. The problem is, when we are focusing on our thoughts, we are missing what is happening in our lives right now. Here and now. In this very moment. Calming the chatter – the monkey mind – through mindfulness can help you to stop overthinking and live in the present moment, helping you to enjoy life and be happier. 7. “We have only now, only this single eternal moment opening and unfolding before us, day and night.” Jack Kornfield This quote from Jack Kornfield – teacher, writer, and one of the leading proponents of Buddhism in the Western world – encapsulates one of the key elements of mindfulness: living in the present moment. The past is the past; we cannot change it, we can only learn from our mistakes and try to move forward. • JOIN US! Sign up today and make new friends at happiness.com • Likewise, we can try and plan for the future to some degree, but life has the habit of throwing things up in the air to disrupt those plans! Indeed, what we truly only really have is this moment we are living now, and because of that, we should focus on that and make the most of it. 8. “The only way to live is by accepting each minute as an unrepeatable miracle.” Tara Brach This mindfulness quote from respected teacher and author Tara Brach is essentially saying the same thing. We must learn to appreciate that our time on Earth is limited and we should make the most of every minute. This quote also hints at the power of gratitude, suggesting we should be grateful for the gift of life and all the wonder it brings. When problems and thoughts start to cloud your mood and mind, remember this mindfulness quote and try to bring yourself back to the idea of appreciating every moment of our existence. 9. “Paradise is not a place; it's a state of consciousness.” Sri Chinmoy All too often we are searching for our own idea of Paradise: be that in the form of our dream home, an exotic holiday or the perfect relationship. And while, of course, it’s great to have dreams to aspire to, we mustn’t neglect the idea that we can be happy with what we already have. Indeed, it’s our mental attitude that can be a source of peace and contentment. If we achieve a peaceful, conscious mind, free from conflict, it can bring us great joy. Practicing mindfulness can help us achieve this state of being. This quote from Indian spiritual leader Sri Chinmoy reminds us that happiness is a journey, not a destination. 10. “Mindfulness isn’t difficult, we just need to remember to do it.” Sharon Salzberg Best-selling author Sharon Salzberg has written many meditation and mindfulness books and has been teaching meditation since 1974. So, she’s pretty well placed to be able to talk about the difficulty – or ease – of practising mindfulness. Indeed, Salzberg's quote is spot-on. Practising mindfulness in itself is not difficult as it’s simply a way of being that doesn’t require any more of our time. However, training our brains to remember to stay mindful at all times can be more of a challenge, especially if mindful behavior is new to us. However, we can change our behavior gradually, and this mindfulness quote is a reminder of that. ● Which of these mindfulness quotes do you live your life by? Do you have any others you would like to share? Let us know in the comments below. Want to discuss mindfulness with like-minded people? Head over to our forum. happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine ■ share and support in our happiness forum ■ Develop with free online Academy classes Learning | Self care | Meditation Written by Calvin Holbrook Calvin edits the happiness magazine, as well being an artist and travel lover. He also enjoys hiking, nature, swimming, yoga, sweaty dancing, and all things vintage!

Feeling lost in life and not knowing what to do next can be paralyzing. Psychologist Stanislava Puač Jovanović explains how to embrace that 'I feel lost' panic we all get sometimes – and then how to move forward in 7 practical steps. ‘I feel lost in life'. Does this saying strike a chord? Have you ever muttered it to yourself in a moment of desperate reflection on the direction you're heading in? Feeling lost in life without the slightest idea where to go next can be daunting and help perpetuate stress. However, it's a common situation, one many of us have experienced (and will continue to experience) throughout our lives. Choosing a college, deciding on a career, or thinking about where to live are just some of the most common situations when you might feel frozen in this way. On the flip side, this feeling of being lost can also surface when you achieve some of your greatest goals and have no clue as what to do next! Indeed, when you undergo colossal life-changing experiences and become someone new, the old plans and ideals could stop resonating with you. So, even if you do discover what you want to do next in your life, at some point in the future this paralyzing fear may come back and set you adrift again. Let me show you what to do when you feel lost and how to draw a new map to creating a meaningful life. 7 steps for when you're feeling lost in life First, a disclosure. It wasn’t so long back that I myself was proclaiming 'I am lost!'. In fact, exactly nine years ago, I earned my degree, top of my class. I immediately got a job at a company and entered the 9 to 5 workforce. It was probably on only the second day that I had an epiphany about the meaninglessness of it all. I realised I was actually feeling lost with my life and decisions. In fact, I pretty much hated my life at that point. So, if you're experiencing a similar moment in your life and struggling to decide how to move on, here are seven steps you can take to make discovering your next move less stressful and more intuitive. 1. Put a stop on the search Do you hear the scary voice repeating how lost you are feeling in your head? Well, I know we're just getting started, but the first thing you need to do is actually put a stop to trying to figure out the answer. Although it may feel like an urgency, chances are, you need to take some time to pause first. Why? Feeling lost in life is a sign that you need to make changes Think of it as a creative problem-solving. It consists of four phases – preparation, incubation, illumination and verification. It’s safe to say that, if you don’t know what to do with your life, you hit an impasse in the process. It’s like trying to force yourself to write a best-selling novel: immediately! It just won’t work. Firstly, you need an intentional delay. Step away from the problem. The break will give your mind time and space for incubation to occur. Fill your time with activities such as walks, exercise, yoga, socialising with the right people, education and any other hobbies. Don’t worry. Your mind will be quietly working on the answer in the background. When we can’t resolve a problem, usually it’s because we’re fixated in our thinking. A break will allow for the habits, patterns and fixations to dissolve. What’s more, it will let the creativity flow in. 2. Prepare the terrain Once your mind has been given a chance to shift perspective, it’s time to go back to exploring the possibilities. However, you need to do it the right way. Make your internal and external environment ready for some soul-searching on why you're feeling lost in life. There is scientific proof for the age-old wisdom advising against making decisions on an empty stomach. A study from the University of Dundee determined that, if we are hungry, we are more likely to seek immediate gratification. The problem is that this tendency does not apply to food choices alone. Hunger negatively affects our financial and interpersonal decisions, too. “Make your internal and external environment ready for some soul-searching on why you're feeling lost in life. Be sure to do it after a good night’s rest and after a hearty, healthy meal.” The same goes for not being rested. Sleep deprivation has severe cognitive and neural consequences. Anyone who, for any reason, has been sleep-deprived, knows well the mind-fog it creates. It becomes impossible to think clearly and make coherent and considered decisions. And what about our environment? An interesting study determined that even lighting can affect the ability to solve problems. According to the findings, what you need is the kind of light that feels right to you. It’s up to you if you prefer ‘warm’ or ‘cool’, or dimmed or bright light. The trick is in making the light in the room elicit a positive mood. Your cognitive abilities will follow along. RELATED: Following Your Bliss: 5 Steps to Get Started What's the Point of Life? How to Find Meaning in Life: 7 Strategies So, when you're ready to explore why you're feeling lost in life, be sure to do it after a good night’s rest and after a hearty, healthy meal. Make your environment work for you. Prepare the terrain, go to a room where you feel good, fix the lighting, and get going. 3. Search deep within: meditate A problem as weighty as feeling lost in life requires going deep to find the solution. Meditation can help you get in touch with your most profound Self. The benefits of meditation have been confirmed over and over again. Indeed, a review of over 160 studies that met the strict criteria determined that meditation has positive effects on emotional and interpersonal issues and cognitive abilities. As little as four days of mindfulness training improved cognitive performance in another study. But how does this relate to you seeking out your future life path? Well, meditation can deliver the clarity of mind and emotion you need when figuring out your purpose in life. It can open the path to communicating with yourself, in a sense. 4. Remember what you used to love When you were a kid or teenager, chances are you never felt lost in life. You simply did whatever it was that you were doing. Yes, it was objectively much easier not to contemplate on what to do with your life: your parents took care of your needs, and you didn’t have anyone’s needs you should be taking care of. Then adult life happened. Nonetheless, there’s a wisdom in the young(er) you that could help you find your way now. Do you remember the state of losing yourself (in a good way)? It could have been reading a book, making art, solving logical or mathematical problems, learning something new, dancing, or exercising. Do you remember a cause for which you used to feel a fire burning inside of you? An idea that made you forget everything as long as you could work towards it? Explore what you really love doing and find your flow state What most probably happened to you in those times is called flow state, a phrase coined by psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi. His research concluded that the more ‘flow’ you have in your life, the more resilience, well-being, and fulfilment you will enjoy. So, what does this mean for you at this point? When you feel that your life is off track, a good place to start is to ask yourself: what is it that puts me in a state of ‘flow’? What is it that I used to love doing and believed in? Is there a way to rearrange my life and put such activities and causes at the forefront? 5. Brainstorm: and then limit your choices Once you’ve been through the previous four steps and opened up the search area, it’s time to narrow things down and list some concrete ideas. Do a brainstorming session with yourself. You can make a list, a vision board, a graph – whatever works. Your goal is to think of as many scenarios for yourself as possible. However – once you do, you will then begin to narrow down your choices. Kierkegaard spoke of ‘dizziness of freedom’, the bewildering anxiety we experience when facing the limitlessness of possibilities for ourselves and our lives. Indeed, in the world of empirical research, it has been found that there is such a thing as too many options. When you face ‘choice overload’, you might not be able to make the right call. “When you're feeling lost in life, write your own obituary. Stop and think about how you would most like to be remembered. Think of how want to live your life while you have it.” So, once you have thought of possible routes for yourself, try to sit with each option for some time. See if they still seem right after a while. You will want to eliminate most of them gradually. An exercise that might help you determine which options to keep is asking yourself “Why?” five times. That is, set a goal for yourself, such as a steady job, financial security, spiritual growth, family, health or well-being. Then, ask yourself why you want this. When you respond, repeat the question: why do you want that? After five rounds of ‘Why?’ you should be pretty close to your most profound motivation. Use it to plan and create the new life for yourself. Feeling lost in life? Brainstorm ideas, then narrow choices 6. Write your own obituary One of my favourite techniques for jolting oneself out of inertia when feeling lost in life and finding a way forward is rooted in existential-humanistic psychology. The task is pretty straightforward – write your own obituary. OK, it sounds morbid, and although you may feel some initial discomfort, it’s actually a rewarding and transformative exercise. According to the author of a recent study, the technique delivers a “greater sense of acceptance, appreciation, and awe toward the possibilities of living the life one envisions”. The logic behind the technique is simple. Even though we might not like it, we will eventually die. So, stop now and think about how you would most like to be remembered. Think of how you want to live your life while you still have it. You might be surprised by how your obituary would sound at the moment. And, most importantly, you will probably find out where you need to go next. “A problem as weighty as feeling lost in life requires going deep to find the solution. Meditation can help you get in touch with your most profound Self.” Allow me to express the weight of the ideas behind proposing this technique with a quote: “So, live as if you were living already for the second time and as if you had acted the first time as wrongly as you are about to act now!” ― Viktor E. Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning 7. Practice acceptance and non-judgement Finally, once you have made your decision, you will need to be a good support for yourself. If you’re feeling lost in life, you're actually at a moment that will inevitably lead to a major change. And, changes often don’t come easy, even when they are for the better. Perhaps your change will mean investing time, money and a lot of effort before it can be realised. RELATED: When Life Gives You Lemons, Try Lemonading Inner Turmoil: Understanding and Resolving It 7 Ways to Develop a Can-Do Attitude Therefore, prepare to go through the change with an attitude of acceptance and non-judgement. Embrace your decision, and all that comes with it. The ideal state to step into your new life is with plenty of self-love. Self-kindness prepares you to function and perform optimally and live a healthy and rewarding life. Takeaway: what to do when you feel lost You might remember my not-so-original experience about the realisation of how pointless my life was. In case you wondered how it turned out for me: here I am, doing what I love and with a great work life balance. When I was younger and used to talk about my dream career, I didn’t think it was actually possible. Yet, after going through the steps above, the path opened itself. In the meantime, I went through many other massive changes, internally and externally. And, I have another disclosure for you. To be honest, ’I feel lost' is a thought that has never fully left my side. Indeed, it has reappeared in many instances, professionally and personally. However, rather than let the feeling overwhelm me, I have learnt to see it as a nudge. It is a prod to keep questioning whether I'm living a worthy life, in peace with my values. In fact, I see it as a life saviour – life being defined as something that ought to have a point. When you realise that you are feeling lost or adrift, don’t succumb to anxiety. As scary as it may be, feeling this way is actually an insight that will send you on a path of never accepting purposelessness or inertness. So, embrace your inner voice and make these solid steps to discover your next journey! • Images: shuttertoskc/wolfstudiobkk, shutterstock/Rawpixel.com, shutterstock/theshots.co happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ sharing and supporting others in our happiness forum Coaching | Letting go | Motivation | Authenticity Written by Stanislava Puač Jovanović Stanislava Puač Jovanović has a master’s degree in psychology and works as a freelance writer and researcher in this area. Her primary focus is on questions relating to mental health, stress-management, self-development and well-being.

Buddhism is a globally-practiced faith, but how did it diffuse from its birthplace? Ann Vrlak explores the spread of Buddhism, from a village in modern-day Nepal to the Western world. Buddhism was born in a village in the Indian sub-continent over 2,500 years ago. Today, it is a global faith practiced by about 7% of the world’s population – over 500 million people. The Buddha’s teachings on suffering, impermanence and the path to personal freedom spoke to people in all walks of life. His broad understanding of human psychology made his teachings accessible. People could relate the values and beliefs to their own struggles. Buddhism is a non-theistic religion, so it was well suited to blend with other regional traditions and cultures – to influence them and be influenced by them. Buddhism’s emphasis on personal growth and responsibility most often enriched other traditions, rather than conflicting with them. If you didn't already know, this is called “syncretism” – the integration of different cultures, philosophies or religions. The Early Movement of Buddhism There was, of course, no technology in 500 BCE – no phones, no email and definitely no internet! The spread of Buddhism literally happened by word of mouth, through trade routes, missionary work, influential leaders and cultural exchanges of the time. Like.a butterfly, Buddhism travelled wide and far! One of the most powerful patrons of Buddhism’s early spread was Emperor Ashoka whose Maurya Empire included most of what we now know as India and Iran. Ashoka’s conversion to Buddhism in the 3rd century BCE was profound. He used his vast resources to establish monasteries and build sacred Buddhist structures (called stupas). His missionaries spread Buddhism throughout Central and Southeast Asia, as well as Sri Lanka. Buddhism Diffuses Through the Trade Routes The spread of Buddhism was accelerated by the vast web of trade routes of the Silk Road, stretching from China, through India and Persia, into some corners of the Mediterranean. Buddhism eventually took hold in China around the 2nd century CE, through waves of merchants and monks who brought Buddhist teachings and artefacts. The sharing of goods came with the sharing of Buddhist ideas and practices. Buddhism’s expansion can be seen in archaeological evidence along the Silk Road. There are many ruins of monasteries along the way, with remnants of written scriptures. “The spread of Buddhism was accelerated by the vast web of trade routes of the Silk Road, stretching from China, through India and Persia.” One of the most breathtaking sites is the Mogao Caves of China, built around 300 CE. The Caves are a UNESCO World Heritage Centre that features an ornate temple, a labyrinth of caves, miles of murals and thousands of sculptures. They tell the story of the rich Buddhist culture that thrived along trade corridors. Buddhism spread further throughout Asia, along with the expansion of trade in China, as well as Korea, Japan and Tibet. Historians date the first sustained contact with China during the Han Dynasty from 200 BCE to 200 CE. Ancient stupa in the Himalayas, Nepal Like other regions, there was the cross-pollination of values and practices between Buddhism and the Chinese traditions of Taoism and Confucianism. For example, the Taoist idea of wu wei (meaning “effortless action”) influenced Buddhist approaches to meditation. Another branch of Chinese Buddhism – Ch’an later known as Zen – migrated to Japan in the 6th century CE where it remains an enduring branch of Buddhism. RELATED: Do Buddhists Believe in God? The Dalai Lama is the most recognized leader of Tibetan Buddhism. This form of Buddhism is a rich spiritual tradition, with a vast range of meditation practices, many aimed at helping practitioners reconnect with the wisdom of the body. You may have seen elaborate images from this tradition that portray deities who embody aspects of the awakened mind – from anger that provides energy for change, to benevolent deities who personify compassion. The other predominant form of Buddhism from Tibet is Vajrayana that arose in the 8th century CE. Vajrayana is founded on esoteric practices that create a “direct path” to enlightenment, through intense meditation, study, visualization and time spent in a monastic environment. Buddhism Spreads into the West Buddhism reached Western society in Europe and North America in the 19th and 20th century, through a growing academic interest in Buddhist texts and the arrival of prominent teachers. The thread of individualism in Buddhist teaching – that personal growth and understanding is the core of spiritual life – fit well with the personal autonomy valued in Western culture. Buddhism encouraged personal exploration and validation of The Silk Road propelled the spread of Buddhism In the early 1900s, Buddhism spread to Europe and America through a network of Buddhist centres where people could learn meditation and Buddhist philosophy. Buddhist organizations sprang up to offer retreats, workshops and sangha – a group of people with the same aspirations who support each other. A Global Community The greatest concentration of Buddhist practitioners remains in the East, predominantly in Thailand, China and Japan. There is also widespread interest in Canada, the US and the UK. “In the early 1900s, Buddhism spread to Europe and America through a network of centres where people could learn meditation and Buddhist philosophy.” But, no matter where you are in the world today, you will likely be able to find a Buddhist study group or centre. You can also find ways to learn and practice through reputable online communities. RELATED: How To Practice Buddhism For Beginners Buddhism has played a central role in the explosion of interest in meditation and mindfulness over the last few decades. Seekers are drawn to the many forms of practice that can teach valuable skills for well-being, like cultivating compassion, concentration and equanimity. The different facets of Buddhism allow people to choose how they would like to begin – with a daily meditation practice, studying values and philosophy, or even choosing a period of monastic life. Takeaway: how buddhism spread The expansion of Buddhism from a town in the Indian sub-continent to a global religion is a true success story – and it is still being written. The practicality and adaptability of the Buddha’s teachings have allowed it to fuse with other philosophies and religions, in different places and in different times. Indeed, modern society’s embrace of Buddhist practices is a testament to the ongoing resilience of the Buddha’s path. • Images shutterstock/Belight, shutterstock/kiwisoul, shutterstock/Erman Gunes, happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum Altruism | Acceptance Written by Ann Vrlak Ann Vrlak is Founder of OneSelf Meditation and a meditation practitioner for over 25 years. She’s a Certified Meditation Teacher for adults and for children (the best job ever!). She loves to share how the perspective and practice of meditation can support people with their everyday stresses and on their journey of self-discovery.

Setbacks and disappointments in life are inevitable but it's possible to overcome them. It's essential to not let such obstacles impact on our confidence or make us resentful. Learn how to deal with disappointment effectively with these 8 tips from Dee Marques. I still remember the sinking feeling in my stomach when I read the first sentence of that email: “We regret to inform you that…”. It hit me hard. I'd spent weeks preparing for the interview for my dream job, planning a getaway to celebrate my new role, imagining myself at the fancy office – only to be rejected. And then there are the smaller, everyday letdowns that seem to come all at once: dates that get cancelled last minute, products or services that don’t live up to the hype, a recipe that doesn’t turn out right, etc. Disappointment comes in many forms and is an inevitable part of life. We all face it, whether in relationships, at work, or within ourselves. But despite how common it is, disappointment can still feel deeply personal and overwhelming. And since we all experience it sooner or later, learning how to deal with disappointment is essential, so we can limit its impact on our well-being and confidence. Let's look in detail at this common emotion and explore practical ways of dealing with disappointment in different aspects of life. What’s the meaning of disappointment? We usually feel disappointed whenever our expectations or hopes are not met. When we anticipate a positive outcome, our brain releases large amounts of dopamine, the “happy hormone”, but dopamine levels drop to zero when things don’t work out as expected. Setbacks at work are common: try to reframe disappointment Not only that, but scientists have noticed that disappointment activates the brain’s pain centres, so this can be quite a complex emotion that triggers secondary emotions like sadness, hurt, betrayal, frustration, inadequacy, grief, or anger, so sometimes it can be difficult to tell what it is exactly that we’re feeling. MORE LIKE THIS: How to Stop Beating Yourself Up: 7 Ideas That Work When Life Gives You Lemons, Try Lemonading! How to Prime Your Mind For Optimism Although disappointment is a normal emotion, letting it fester inside you can breed resentment against yourself, other people, or life itself, which can create a lot of physical and mental tension, being linked to anxiety and stress. Overcoming disappointment: early experiences matter We’re all let down at some point in life, but we handle it differently. This is because our early experiences shape our strategies for dealing with disappointment. For example, children who have their emotions dismissed or minimised by adults as they face disappointment are more likely to develop maladaptive coping mechanisms, such as avoidance or shame. And if a child is told to “be tough” when they’re let down, they might not allow themselves to admit they’re disappointed later in life, since they’ll see it as a form of weakness. “Since we all experience it, learning how to deal with disappointment is essential, so we can limit its impact on our well-being and confidence.” Similarly, children who are scolded when they suffer a setback can develop the belief that failure will make them unlovable, and may start to underachieve to avoid potential failure. However, some will do the opposite, becoming perfectionists to prevent any chance of disappointment (impossible!). Dealing with disappointment: 8 tips to try today Here’s the interesting thing: if the way we react to disappointment is learned, this means we can always learn a new way to handle it. So let’s look at some suggestions on how to deal with disappointment. How to deal with disappointment in relationships and friendships Friends and romantic partners often let us down. Here's how to handle it: 1. Manage expectations No human being is perfect, so no relationship is perfect either. In fact, researchers estimate that 70% of the problems couples experience can’t be “solved”. Interpersonal relationships move along a continuum of harmony and disharmony, convergence and divergence. Acknowledging our differences is the basis for more genuine relationships and can also help us learn about our partner’s or friends’ needs and internal mechanisms. 2. Open communication If a friend or partner has let you down, don’t fall into the avoidance trap. Express your feelings without blaming them, and instead explain that your intention is simply to understand them better and strengthen the relationship. 3. Set boundaries Accepting disappointment as a fact of life doesn’t mean you should compromise at all costs and in all circumstances. If someone consistently disappoints you or lets you down, consider redefining the relationship to align with your needs and set clear boundaries to protect your emotional well-being. Setting boundaries can help overcome disappointment from others Dealing with disappointment at work Failed to get that promotion or rise? Coworker constantly stealing your light? Here are some suggestions for handling work disappointments. 4. Reframe setbacks Author Brad Warner says that “disappointment is just the action of your brain readjusting itself to reality after discovering things are not the way you thought they were”. Next time you’re let down at work, support your brain in this readjustment or recalibration by changing your narrative about what happened. “Accepting disappointment as a fact of life doesn’t mean you should compromise at all costs. If someone consistently disappoints you or lets you down, set boundaries.” For example, if you didn’t get promoted this time, instead of thinking “all my efforts were for nothing, maybe I'm just not good enough for this company”, try: “this doesn’t invalidate my work. I’ll try to understand better what the company values are and focus on what I can do next to keep advancing”. 5. Don’t linger on the “what-ifs” Avoid blaming yourself, ruminating, or dwelling on what-if scenarios, as this can only lead to feelings of inadequacy. Instead, acknowledge that you did your best and that is something to be proud of. You never want to get to the point of thinking 'why do I hate my life?'. 6. Distract yourself Avoid placing all your self-worth or sense of identity on a single career goal. Instead, after a disappointment, find ways to distract yourself with things that bring you joy outside of work. Overcoming disappointment in daily life Life is full of joy but also regular disappointments! Acceptance is key to dealing with the situation. 7. Sit with disappointment mindfully Deep breathing exercises, a mindfulness meditation session, or a body scan can help you stay grounded in the moment while you allow yourself to experience disappointment without avoiding your feelings or over-reacting to them. Accept feelings of disappointment and handle the emotion 8. Acknowledge your feelings Disappointment can be enmeshed with other emotions, so it’s best to address one emotion at the time. Ask yourself what you're feeling. Is it rage? Then maybe you need to life off steam with a gym session or practise meditation for anger. Is it sadness? Having a good cry does wonders for releasing emotion. Dealing with disappointment in yourself Of course, in addition to being disappointed in other people or in circumstances and things, we can also experience disappointment in ourselves. This can happen when we fail to meet our own standards or goals, which can make us feel self-doubt and low self-esteem. “If a friend or partner has let you down, don’t fall into the avoidance trap. Express your feelings without blaming them, and instead explain that your intention is simply to understand them better.” When it comes to overcoming disappointment in yourself, first embrace self-compassion. Self-disappointment arises from a discrepancy between our actual self and our ideal self, so letdowns are an opportunity to give your actual self kindness and compassion – this is when you need it the most! RELATED: How to Practise Self-Compassion: 6 Proven Techniques This experience also offers an opportunity to reflect and adjust your perceptions. Analyse your reaction to disappointment. Did it make you want to not try ever again? Or did it trigger the perfectionist in you? These may be learned responses that stem from your childhood. If they don’t serve you, it’s time to adjust them. The takeaway: how to deal with disappointment Although disappointment is challenging, every time it surfaces it offers us a valuable opportunity for introspection and growth. The path to growth through disappointment starts with understanding that the way we react to it is a learned or “inherited” response that we can modify if it has a negative impact on us. And by trying some of the coping strategies listed above, you can transform disappointment from being a source of distress into a catalyst for resilience and growth. Remember that the way we respond to life's setbacks shapes our journey far more than the setbacks themselves. To end this article on dealing with disappointment, I want to leave you with a favourite quote from sociologist W.E.B. Dubois: “Strive for that greatness of spirit that measures life not by its disappointments but by its possibilities”. • Images: shutterstock/PeopleImages - Yuri A, shutterstock/baranq, shutterstock/Krakenimages.com happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support in our happiness forum Relationship advice | Resilience | Hormones Written by Dee Marques A social sciences graduate with a keen interest in languages, communication, and personal development strategies. Dee loves exercising, being out in nature, and discovering warm and sunny places where she can escape the winter.

With anxiety and depression levels rising in kids, mindfulness and meditation are increasingly being employed by parents. Here are 7 of the best mindfulness books for kids on the market that can instill these two essential life skills, keeping children calm and centered. By Ann Vrlak. Would you like to introduce mindfulness to your child, but aren’t sure where to start? It has been wonderful to see the explosion of interest in mindfulness for kids – in schools and in homes all around the world. There is a growing body of research that shows how simple mindfulness practices – tailored for children – can help kids learn invaluable skills they can use their whole lives, like how to: Self-regulate emotions Improve self-esteem and confidence Relax when you’re stressed or worried Concentrate better Treat yourself with kindness and compassion Increase empathy With this impressive list, it’s no surprise that schools are incorporating some form of mindfulness exercises in elementary and high school classes. Furthermore, many parents want to know how to teach mindfulness themselves, to help their children navigate everyday stresses and conflicts, and to learn tools to relax or take a pause if they feel upset. There are so many books about mindfulness for kids to choose from. I’ve done the work for you by choosing my seven absolute favorites. They’re all also five-star rated by the parents and kids I’ve recommended them to. Storybooks Storybooks are one great style of mindfulness book that explain concepts to children. Here are three of the best that are currently on the market: 1. Moody Cow Meditates | Kerry Lee MacLean Peter the calf has a “stupid, rotten day when everything went wrong.” He woke up with a bad dream, his sister drew on his skateboard, and the day just goes downhill from there. He is so upset and angry his sister names him “Moody Cow” which just makes things worse! Moody Cow Meditates is one of the best mindfulness books for kids because it describes the kind of day we all can have when nothing goes right and no one seems to be on your side! Peter visits his wise grandfather who shows him how to create a mindfulness jar: he adds sparkles to a jar of clear water for each angry thought he has and then shakes the jar. RELATED: The benefits of meditation for kids His grandfather explains how the agitated, cloudy water is like his agitated mind, full of thoughts. And as the water settles down, and the sparkles settle, it’s just like when you calm down again and can see things more clearly. Grandfather gently takes Peter through the mindfulness jar practice from his upset mind to a quiet place. 2. Visiting Feelings | Lauren Rubenstein Visiting Feelings is a book that also looks at how to be with emotions in a healthy way. Rubenstein encourages kids, through gorgeous illustrations, to treat their feelings like unexpected visitors. How tall is this feeling? What colour and shape is it? Is it warm or cold? By asking these kinds of questions, the author is encouraging kids to observe feelings at arm’s length, to be curious about them, instead of thinking that something is wrong. Make friends with feelings, she says, and listen to what they have to tell you. “There is a growing body of research that shows how simple mindfulness practices – tailored for children – can help kids learn invaluable skills they can use their whole lives.” Rubenstein also gently asks kids to notice where feelings live in their body – another traditional adult practice of noticing the physical qualities of an emotion – like a knot in your stomach, that give you a concrete place to begin exploring the emotion. There is a “Note to Parents” in the back of the book about emotional intelligence and tips on how to help children link mindfulness to emotions. 3. Take the time: Mindfulness for Kids | Maud Roegiers This lovely mindfulness book for children has a powerful message: if you’re feeling bad, do something small to feel better. Be with your friends, feel the cold air on your cheeks, or do something you love. And, whether we’re five years old or 50, when we’re feeling sad or upset, we often feel like we have to fix something or do something complicated to feel better. Focusing instead on small, simple pleasures that are always around us if we take time to look, is a tool of health and well-being your child can nurture throughout their life. The beautiful, heartwarming illustrations in Take the Time... bring the story to life. 4. Zen Shorts | Jon J. Muth This is one of Muth’s delightful mindfulness for children books that features the wise panda, Stillwater. Zen Shorts begins with a large, panda suddenly appearing in Michael, Karl and Addy’s back yard. He’s a mysterious fellow and a storyteller who soon has the children entranced with classic meditation stories put into kids’ language: someone who shows compassion for a robber and the man who says, “Maybe” to a whole series of life events that everyone assumes are “good” or “bad.” Kids also love Zen Happiness, Zen Socks and other books by Muth. Books with mindfulness exercises for kids Each of the following great books has sections explaining the principles and benefits of mindfulness for children, teaching tips and lots of specific mindfulness exercises you can do with your children. 5. Planting Seeds: Practicing Mindfulness with Children | Thich Nhat Hanh and the Plum Village Community This book by beloved Buddhist teacher Thich Nhat Hanh shines with love and respect for children, and how to nurture their growth through simple meditation practices. Hanh talks about meditation as a way to plant the seeds of self-awareness, relaxing through breath, recognizing your connection to nature, nurture compassion and community, embrace emotions – and more. All the ideas are accompanied by simple, engaging exercises kids can do on their own or with a guide – and many are included on an accompanying CD. RELATED: Thich Nhat Hanh – his life in quotes and teachings My personal favourite to do with kids is the Pebble Meditation. Kids gather four pebbles to represent a flower, mountain, still water and space, and use them in a meditation to emulate each of their qualities: “Fresh like a flower... Solid like a mountain.” This meditation, and others, builds on kids’ imagination and ability to embody positive and resilient states. Every chapter in Planting Seeds is grounded in caring for children, and encouragement to explore their inner and outer world with kindness for their own sake and the sake of all beings. 6. Child’s Mind: Mindfulness Practices to Help Our Children be More Focused, Calm and Relaxed | Christopher Willard This is an excellent mindfulness book for kids if you would like to know more about the psychological applications of meditation for children – for everyday challenges and for kids who are troubled by chronic anxiety or depression. Willard is a clinical psychologist and psychotherapist with a deep experience with mindfulness and meditation. He talks about meditation’s effect on kids’ mental, emotional and physical well-being in easy to understand language, and how parents can use mindfulness to help their children overcome difficulties. “ If you’d like to explore the world of mindfulness books for kids, all of these titles will give you and your child an experienced, caring and fun place to start.” Child's Mind features a creative range of mindfulness practices like The Universe in a Raisin; Hugging Meditation; Everyday Mindfulness, Everyday Games; and, Homesickness Meditation. All encourage kids to mindfully and gently explore what’s happening for them. I use many of his exercises with my young mindfulness students for the balanced way he shows kids how to accept and honour their own feelings, and how to do mindful things to feel better. RELATED: The benefits of meditation for kids 7. Sitting Still Like a Frog: Mindfulness Exercises for Kids (and Their Parents) | Eline Snel If you’d like a short, approachable book about why mindfulness is a great skill for kids, read Sitting Still Like a Frog. Each chapter in the book explains a mindfulness concept or skill, and includes one or two exercises for kids to practice with. Some of the concepts Snel explains are Training your Attention Muscle, Weathering the Storm Inside and The Conveyor Belt of Worries. She uses imagery to great effect to help kids relate to their feelings, thoughts and experiences in entertaining, mindful ways. RELATED: 6 secrets to raising happy children Snel also includes short exercises parents can use with everyday routines, like meals and bedtime. She makes all the concepts fun and has a warm way of communicating. This book also includes a CD with many of the best guided practices. There is also an accompanying activity book with 75 mindfulness games. The takeaway: best mindfulness books for kids So, if you’d like to explore the world of mindfulness books for kids, all of these titles will give you and your child an experienced, caring and fun place to start. The books don’t just talk about mindfulness, they embody mindfulness in the way they talk about children and their needs, and the way they talk to kids in the stories and exercises. Most of these authors have more than one book, so you and your family can enjoy them together for a long time to come. • Main image: shutterstock/Tatiana Bobkova happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support in our happiness forum ■ learn with free online classes in our happiness Academy Meditation | Family activities Written by Ann Vrlak Ann Vrlak is Founder of OneSelf Meditation and a meditation practitioner for over 25 years. She’s a Certified Meditation Teacher for adults and for children (the best job ever!). She loves to share how the perspective and practice of meditation can support people with their everyday stresses and on their journey of self-discovery.

What is the difference between joy and happiness? Sonia Vadlamani explores the meaning of each emotion and shares tips for cultivating joy and lasting happiness in our lives. Most of us regard happiness and joy as interchangeable, assuming that both terms mean exactly the same thing. So, does this mean you’re feeling joyous when you’re happy and vice versa? Not quite. While joy and happiness are both positive emotions, they differ in how we experience them and the role they play in our lives. While this may seem confusing, let's try to clarify the difference between joy and happiness – and the similarities as well – and explore whether it's possible to experience both emotions simultaneously. So, what exactly is joy? Joy is a profound, innate emotion that is conceptually on the same plane as other positive emotions like happiness, elation and gladness, but is rooted in a sense of purpose, meaningful connections, and heightened empathy. Indeed, individuals who experience sympathetic or appreciative joy tend to have greater life satisfaction and a deeper sense of inner peace. And how do we truly define happiness? Happiness is a state that many of us strive to achieve, yet its definition varies from person to person. Positive psychology researcher Sonja Lyubomirsky describes happiness as “the experience of joy, contentment, or positive well-being, combined with a sense that one’s life is good, meaningful, and worthwhile.” It’s helpful to remember that the answers for joy vs happiness aren’t the same for everyone. This is because the framework of happiness for each of us is shaped by where we grew up, how we’ve lived, our culture, and unique life experiences. As a result, each of us may describe happiness and how we pursue it in our own distinct way. Joy ride: journeying to happiness However, we often place the onus of happiness on an external cause – waiting for a favourable event, circumstance or person – to make it happen. For me, it was usually, “I’ll be happy when I finally visit Paris,” or “if I ever meet my favourite Bollywood star in person,” or “when I can get a salary hike.” In other words, many peopl view happiness is future-oriented, tied to chance, and dependent on conditions beyond our control. What's the difference between joy and happiness? Happiness often relies on the people, events, situations in our lives. We constantly hope and expect these events, people and circumstances to align with our expectations, believing that this will result in happiness. “Joy is a profound, innate emotion that is rooted in a sense of purpose, meaningful connections, and heightened empathy.” When it comes to joy vs happiness, it helps to know that while happiness is largely dependent on external circumstances, joy is a deeper, more intrinsic feeling. Joy can be seen as the fulfillment we receive from our sense of purpose and leading a meaningful life, whereas happiness is a fleeting emotion tied to favourable outcomes. Joy versus happiness: the psychology Dr Martin Seligman, widely regarded as the father of positive psychology, describes happiness as a sum of three distinct components: Pleasure, or the sensory experiences consisting of feelings like excitement and satisfaction. Engagement, or deep involvement in an activity that allows you to achieve flow state – a feeling of complete involvement and enjoyment. Meaning, or having a sense of purpose in life that results in a feeling of fulfillment. This indicates that genuine happiness goes beyond momentary pleasure or external circumstances – it’s a balanced, lasting state of being that arises from these three components working in tandem. With this perspective, true happiness begins to resemble joy, narrowing the scope for a joy vs happiness contention. Is it possible to feel joy and happiness simultaneously? Indeed, it's possible to feel joy and happiness at the same time. Interestingly, joy can also coexist with grief or sorrow, given the emotional complexity humans are capable of. MORE LIKE THIS: Discover the 10 Keys to Happier Living Cherophobia: the Fear of Happiness Explained Happiness: Why It's An Inside Job “Having moments when we feel joyful and happy, savouring that, and deeply engaging with what you care about might actually be a better ideal than expecting high and unchanging amounts of joy,” says psychology professor Dr Erik Nook, who also directs the Logic of Emotion Lab at Princeton. 5 reliable ways to cultivate joy and happiness We now understand the difference between joy and happiness, but what if we could nurture happiness and joy in our lives at the same time? A 2022 study by Julia Krasko et al. found that the likelihood of achieving lasting happiness – and thereby joy and a high level of well-being – increase significantly when we pursue the multiple aspects of happiness simultaneously. Here are some ways to cultivate lasting happiness and fulfill a sense of purpose in our lives: 1. Develop a positive attitude In today’s fast-paced digital world, it’s easy to fall into negative patterns like the comparison trap and self-limiting thoughts. However, positive thinking encourages us to look at the brighter side in every situation and regard adversity as a stepping stone toward growth. Meaning relationships cultivate joy A 2014 study suggests that prioritizing positivity can be an effective approach to pursue happiness. By consciously reframing our perspective and incorporating playfulness, when life gives us lemons we can practise so-called “lemonading”, thus turning difficult times into prospects for resilience and joy. 2. Invest in meaningful relationships An ongoing Harvard study, which began in 1938 during the Great Depression, concludes that more than fame and money, it’s embracing community and being in close relationships that shows us how to find happiness. “Loneliness turns out to be toxic,” explains Dr Robert Waldinger, the fourth director of this study. Indeed, the quality of our relationships and how they make us feel has a direct impact on our health and well-being. Finding your tribe – or surrounding yourself with the right people – can help you derive a deeper sense of belonging, prevent loneliness, and spark joy in your life. 3. Plan ahead Most of us lead busy lives, and the daily grind can quickly leave us overwhelmed. Add to this mix the uncertainty and stress from poor planning, and our day can feel entirely derailed. Let’s face it: what remains unplanned often remains undone. This is why it’s important to plan ahead and stay on track. “Joy and happiness may seem interchangeable, but the underlying difference between joy and happiness is in their nature – while joy is innate and perpetual, happiness is transient and often influenced by external factors.” Moreover, research suggests that productive people tend to be happier, as the sense of accomplishment and autonomy from fulfilling tasks planned for the day results in greater happiness and lower stress levels. With this in mind, productivity hacks can be powerful tools to plan your day and cultivate lasting happiness. 4. Do more of what fuels your purpose A study by UCLA researchers found a strong connection between a sense of purpose and eudaimonic happiness, or the deep fulfillment one derives from leading a meaningful life. According to the study, individuals with a clear sense of purpose not only experienced higher levels of positive emotions like happiness, but they were also healthier, with lower stress and anxiety levels. Volunteering helps you find purpose and build community In addition to being an efficient way to make your time matter, having a purpose can also prevent you from feeling lost in life. And, it doesn’t have to be tied only to your business or career goals – volunteering, mentoring, or helping others with random acts of kindness can bring a sense of satisfaction and lasting joy as well. 5. Cultivate tranquillity In other words, find what gives you true peace and lasting contentment, rather than just fleeting moments of happiness, and make it a part of your daily routine. Meditation is a consistent way to cultivate inner peace, improve your mood, enhance mindfulness, and boost happiness levels. If you like being in the outdoors, set aside time for forest bathing or hiking periodically, as reconnecting with nature is proven to alleviate stress and boost well-being. Try simplifying your life Living simply, or minimizing consumption and the pursuit of material possessions, can have a profound impact on your outlook, health and happiness. It can help you shift your focus from external distractions like social media and binge-watching toward self-reflection and gratitude. Additionally, it creates more time for you to strengthen your relationships and cultivate meaningful connections – widely recognized as one of the keys to lasting happiness. The takeaway: joy versus happiness Joy and happiness may seem interchangeable at first glance, but they are distinctly different. Indeed, the underlying difference between joy and happiness is in their nature – while joy is innate and perpetual, happiness is transient and often influenced by external factors. The good news is that we can choose happiness by consciously reframing our perspectives and being intentional about where we invest our time and energy. ● Images: shutterstock/PeopleImages.com - Yuri A, shutterstock/PeopleImages.com - Yuri A, shutterstock/JLco Julia Amaral happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support in our happiness forum Motivation | Positive psychology | Volunteering Written by Sonia Vadlamani Fitness and healthy food blogger, food photographer and stylist, travel-addict and future self journaler. Sonia loves to write and has resolved to dedicate her life to revealing how easy and important it is to be happier, stronger and fitter each day. Follow her daily pursuits at FitFoodieDiary or on Instagram.