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People who spent more time in nature these past two years have been happier and less stressed. By Jill Suttie on behalf of Greater Good Science Center. Living through the COVID-19 pandemic has had a severe impact on people’s mental health and well-being. Restricted movement, loss and isolation have led to increases in depression, anxiety disorders, stress, sleep disorders and more. The effects have been even harsher for teens. How can we help protect our well-being during this particularly difficult time? Though a public health response is definitely called for, one way we might try to help ourselves this year is spending more time immersed in nature. In the last decade or so, research on the health benefits of nature experiences has exploded, confirming what many people know intuitively – that green spaces are good for mental well-being, whether you’re walking outdoors, looking at beautiful views, or even just seeing videos of nature. This is definitely the case for me. Even before the pandemic hit, I’d realized that I was not spending as much time outdoors as I wanted to – even though I knew from personal experience and science that being in nature made me happier, kinder and more creative. So, in January 2020, I began taking daily walks in the hills near my home, enjoying the awe-inspiring beauty while giving my mind a rest and my body a workout. Once lockdowns began, I continued my regular walks and found it helped me feel less stressed, in a better mood, and more productive. Apparently, I’m not alone. According to new research, nature has helped many people with their mental health during the pandemic. Here are some of the ways nature experiences might benefit us during this fraught time. Nature reduces stress Perhaps the most robust finding on the psychological benefits of nature is that being in green spaces reduces our stress. Experiments have shown that people who walk in a nature area – a forest or park, for example – feel less stress than those who walk in an urban setting, even when the exercise they’re getting is the same. In fact, some countries have introduced the concept of “forest bathing” to fight the effects of modern urban living. During the pandemic, many people have had to restrict their movement, making it harder to get outside. But those who could get out definitely benefitted from it, while those who couldn’t still fared better from just having views of nature. Less stress, more smiles shutterstock/Prostock-studio One study looked at how much time people spent outdoors before and during the pandemic and whether they increased or decreased their outdoor time. The researchers found that people who had maintained or increased their time outside were less stressed and had greater psychological well-being than those who’d decreased their time. RELATED: Forest bathing – 6 science-backed benefits Another study conducted during Israel‘s lockdown found that spending time outside – or even just having a natural view from one’s window – reduced stress and increased happiness. This was true even if people had suffered economically because of the pandemic – another stressor on top of an already stressful situation. A recent study suggests that one reason for this might be that being in a green space affects us physiologically, especially places rich in plant life that contain bodies of water or uneven terrain. People who were monitored while passing through green spaces were shown to sweat less, breathe better, and have greater heart rate variability (all signs of lower stress or better recovery from stress). These studies and others point to the conclusion that nature experiences are good for managing stress. Nature helps us feel restored Since the pandemic began, many of us are spending a lot more time online in Zoom meetings or Zoom classes. While it’s great to have the technology available for connecting with others and getting work done, it can be exhausting to stare at a screen for so long and try to stay focused. That’s why it can help to give ourselves an attention break by getting outdoors. Recovery from information overload (online or otherwise), sometimes called attention restoration, is one of the main ways that being in a natural or green setting gives our minds a rest. “Perhaps the most robust finding on the psychological benefits of nature is that being in green spaces reduces our stress.” After taking that break, our brains may be sharper. For example, exposure to nature helps us perform better on tasks requiring attention and can even lead to greater creative problem-solving. Even a simulated nature experience helped people recover from overstimulation and do better at cognitive tests. Why is nature restorative? No one knows for sure. But a recent neuroscience study compared the brain activity of people spending time in a wooded garden and a traffic island and found that being in the natural setting allowed their brains to synchronize alpha and theta brain waves (related to calm and daydreaming, respectively). This may explain why nature induces a kind of relaxed attention that provides people with a respite from overstimulation – something we could all use these days! Nature helps stave off depression, anxiety and physical complaints Nature may help us improve our psychological health during COVID for other reasons, too – by staving off depression, anxiety and physical complaints (like not getting enough sleep). In a study in Spain and Portugal conducted between March and May 2020, people reported on how much access they had to green spaces like private yards, views of nature, and public parks, and on their stress levels, physical complaints, and psychological distress. After taking into account how much COVID lockdowns had affected people’s employment, income, and housing situation, researchers found that people accessing nature more had lower psychological distress and fewer physical complaints than those with less access. Similarly, a study in Tokyo found that people who were locked down during the pandemic were less depressed, anxious, and lonely, and happier and more satisfied with their lives, if they spent time in green spaces (like parks) or had a view of greenery from their window. Nature makes us happier with our lives The Greater Good Science Center has joined an editorial partnership with SSIR, The Wellbeing Project, India Development Review, and The Skoll Foundation to explore the important, but often overlooked, connection between inner well-being and effective social change. This article is part of that partnership. This may be particularly relevant for groups most affected by COVID isolation – including adolescents. A recent study found that teens who spent more time outdoors during the pandemic fared better on many mental health indicators than those who spent less time outdoors – especially if they lived in an urban community. One reason nature might improve our mental health is that it helps us let go of endless thought loops about what’s wrong with the world – what psychologists call “rumination,” which is tied to depression, anxiety, and poor sleep. A recent study found that participants who spent more time interacting with nature in some way – for example, walking outside, biking, gardening, playing games or sports, or hanging out in a park – ruminated less, and in turn experienced more positive feelings and fewer negative feelings. That’s probably why a recent review of several experimental studies found that nature-based recreational activities – like walking in parks, hiking, rafting, or backpacking – have positive effects on our mental health, including making us less depressed and anxious. Nature makes us happier and more satisfied with life If nature experiences decrease stress, restore our depleted brains, and reduce rumination and other symptoms of psychological distress, they should also make us happier. Many past studies – including some of those mentioned above – have found this to be true. In one large study, researchers used smartphones to collect data from more than 20,000 people in real time comparing how they felt at different points during their day and using GPS to determine where they were. The researchers found that, overall, people felt happier when they were outdoors in green or natural spaces compared to urban spaces, regardless of the weather, activity, or who was with them. Another study surveyed people living in Puget Sound, Washington, and found that they were more satisfied with life if they engaged with nature more. “In a review of many studies, people more connected to nature tended to have more positive feelings, vitality and life satisfaction.” This may be good news for people who’ve been hit particularly hard by the pandemic – including our essential workers. In a recent study, a group of 71 health care workers and police in China were randomly assigned to watch short video clips of either natural scenes or urban scenes every day for five days, reporting their well-being over time. Those who watched the nature scenes felt more positive feelings and fewer negative feelings and greater well-being overall than those watching urban scenes. In a review of many studies, researchers found that people more connected to nature (seeing themselves as part of nature and caring about the natural world) tended to have more positive feelings, vitality and life satisfaction compared to those who were less connected. All of this and more suggests that we can be happier and healthier if we maintain our connection to nature somehow during the pandemic. Whether we garden, have a view of nature out our window, visit nearby parks, or even just watch a nature video, we can help ourselves deal with the stresses and strains of COVID isolation by giving ourselves and our kids a dose of “Vitamin N.” Take it from me, you’ll be glad you did. • Main image: shutterstock/Halfpoint happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Join free now and: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine ■ share and support in our happiness forum ■ Develop with free online Academy classes Forest bathing | Self-care | Better sleep Written by Greater Good Science Center This article originally appeared on Greater Good, the online magazine of the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley. happiness.com is honoured to republish them with the kind permission of the Greater Good Science Center. greatergood.berkeley.edu

Friendships make us happier and healthier, so research says. However, friendships that are unfulfilling or fading can have the opposite effect. Sonia Vadlamani identifies seven signs that someone doesn’t want to be your friend and offers advice on how to handle the situation. Friendships are a unique form of relationship in several ways. For starters, we enter them of our own accord, unlike family relationships. Friendships also lack the formal structures that are typically present in other relationships, like marriage and familial bonds. What’s more, research suggests that friendships form the core of one’s happiness levels and well-being. In fact, strong social relationships matter more to us as we age, which is why it’s important for us to form meaningful connections that make us happy. According to the authors of the still-ongoing Grant Study, a study which aims to monitor the happiness levels and well-being of 1,600 Harvard undergraduates through their entire lives, “the capacity to love and be loved was the single strength most clearly associated with subjective well-being at age 80.” Yet, it’s a known fact that friendships change as we grow older. In the current COVID-struck world – where most of us are picking up the social connections from their pre-pandemic lives – some may slowly realize that their friendships probably aren’t the same as they once were. On the other hand, we may have formed new connections and friendships during these difficult times. However, not all acquaintances or connections can be transformed into fulfilling, lasting friendships. Sometimes you may want to re-kindle a friendship from your distant past, hoping for a happy reunion despite spotting some warning signs that your friend doesn’t care about you. Indeed, given that we are largely social creatures, your excitement towards forging a friendship may cause you to overlook some of the signs someone doesn’t actually want to be your friend. 7 signs your friend doesn’t care about you Friendship is a two-way street, and it’s not healthy to force it upon someone who clearly isn’t interested in being buddies with you. So, if you’re concerned that a friend of yours appears disinterested in your relationship or is acting up, here are seven pointers to help you differentiate true friends from mere acquaintances. 1. They don’t really know you anymore One of the easiest signs that your friend doesn’t care about you anymore is when you feel that they don’t really know or understand you. It’s possible that with time you may have simply grown apart, and that your interests now vary. However, if your friend doesn’t make an effort to keep up with your likes and preferences, and seems indifferent to your opinions and feelings, it could signify that they don’t truly value your friendship. Not feeling included is a sign of a problem friendship shutterstock/fizkes 2. They avoid meeting or keep cancelling plans It cannot be denied that communication and consistency form the bedrock for any fulfilling and reliable friendship. Which is why a steady lack of interest in catching up or a refusal to make plans with you can be considered as signs that someone doesn’t want to be your friend. RELATED: The 8 types of friend we all need We all have busy lives, but if you notice that you're continually the first one to touch base and attempt making plans with someone, or that they doesn’t seem enthusiastic about meeting you, it could be that they are no longer interested in being friends with you and are unable to talk to you about their feelings. 3. You aren’t included in their social lives One of the most obvious signs someone doesn’t want to be your friend is when they leave you out of their plans to hang out or attend an event, even when your other friends may have been invited. When confronted, they may offer a vague excuse or inadequate reasoning for why they left you out, leaving you even more puzzled each time. While this can sound like a common movie trope, it is especially hurtful and can sometimes make you question your friendship. “A steady lack of interest in catching up or a refusal to make plans with you can be considered as signs that someone doesn’t want to be your friend.” With social media becoming an integral part of our lives, a reasonable way to gauge the true state of your friendship could be to observe your friend’s social media feed. You may find that they do not post about you or tag you, even if you were attending the same event and were present in the picture they posted. Indeed, not everyone uses social media in the same manner and to the same degree, and thus social media shunning is not a foolproof way to gauge your friendship with someone. However, excluding you repeatedly from their socializing plans and ignoring you on social media whilst they’re active on it are reliable signs your friend doesn’t really care about you. 4. They seem distant and avoidant Despite our hectic schedules and busy lives, we usually make time to catch up with the people we truly care about. After all, healthy communication and timely, mutually enriching interactions are key to sustaining friendships. One of the warning signs your friend doesn’t care about you can be their remote behavior and tendency to be preoccupied when you’re having a conversation. Paying attention to the non-verbal cues can sometimes offer a clearer picture too. For instance, if someone is always playing with their phone or looking off into the distance rather than listening to you, they may be trying to avoid you. Indeed, if you find that your friend doesn’t pay attention to you or responds with unenthusiastic answers when you’re trying to make a conversation, it could be a sign that your relationship may have already faded. Sign of the times: using a phone over friendship 5. They always place the blame on you While it can’t be denied that every relationship can face minor stumbles at some point, good friends often work together to clear misunderstandings and overcome the obstacles that stand in their way. However, holding you responsible for everything that ever went wrong, and never acknowledging their mistakes despite clear evidence of their wrongdoing could be clear signs that person doesn’t want to be your friend any longer. RELATED: Are you being used? 12 signs to look out for 6. They’re never around in difficult times True friends prove to be reliable during hardships and support each other through thick and thin to the best of their ability. So, being too busy, citing excuses, or flaking out on you every time you need help or support is one of the unmistakable signs your friend doesn’t truly care about you. “One sign your friend doesn’t care about you is if they respond negatively to news about your success or accomplishments, or never seem excited for your growth.” This is often compounded by the fact that this fair-weather friend does often touch base with you to seek help or ask a favor but is unapproachable when you’re in dire straits. While you may often end up feeling hurt or bothered by this opportunistic behavior, it could be seen as a clear sign someone doesn’t want to be your friend. 7. They never seem happy for you One of the definite signs your friend doesn’t care about you is if they mostly respond negatively to news about your success or accomplishments, or never seem excited for your growth. Real friendships are based on mutual admiration, support and encouragement. Evidently, the lack of support and constant negativity coming your way could be surefire signs someone doesn’t want to be your friend. What to do when you see signs someone doesn't want to be your friend Given the voluntary nature of friendship, it often gets subjected to uncertainties of life in a way that other relationships don’t. Here are some ways to deal with indications that a friendship is now drawing to a close. Resist the temptation to force a friendship Sometimes, we must just accept that a new friendship isn’t meant to blossom, or that it may be the time to end a friendship. This is especially true if the other person isn’t reciprocating your interest or has made it clear that they are not interested in socializing with you. Long-lasting friendships require mutual and deliberate efforts, and forcing a friendship despite signs your friend doesn’t care about you can possibly leave you upset and heartbroken. Try changing your perspective about rejection Social rejection may cause you to question your self-worth and may even deter your confidence. However, try changing your perspective towards rejection as daring to step out of your comfort zone and taking a worthy risk. Instead of viewing the rejection as failure and questioning your likability, embrace this as a situation where you just didn’t ‘click’ with the friend, and save your precious energy by ably interpreting the signs your friend doesn’t care about you. Focus on making new connections Instead of getting trapped in a vulnerability hangover over your rejection, practice letting go gracefully. This will allow you to focus on making more rewarding connections with like-minded individuals who are truly interested in your friendship. Takeaway: signs your friend doesn’t care about you The power of friendship is real and our buddies play an important role in our happiness and well-being, which is why we need to be mindful when touching base with friends from the past or trying to forge new friendships. Just as you can’t possibly be good friends with everyone, it can be unfair on your behalf to impose your friendship, despite signs your friend doesn’t seem to really care about you. Try practicing acceptance and consider this as an opportunity to express gratitude for the friends in your life who will always be by your side through good times and rough tides. In the meantime, keep your chin up and do not let the disappointment prevent you from finding your tribe. • Main image: shutterstock/Prostock-studio Have you ever had to end a friendship because it was clear your friend didn't care about you anymore or had lost interest? Perhaps you've had a one-sided friendship and had to make changes and now have an ex-best friend! Let us know your thoughts below and in our friendship forum. happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Join free now and: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine ■ share and support in our happiness forum ■ Develop with free online Academy classes Empathy | Deep listening | Loneliness Written by Sonia Vadlamani Fitness and healthy food blogger, food photographer and stylist, travel-addict and future self journaler. Sonia loves to write and has resolved to dedicate her life to revealing how easy and important it is to be happier, stronger and fitter each day. Follow her daily pursuits at FitFoodieDiary or on Instagram.

There were plenty of feel-good health and environmental stories in the press in March but they may have flown under your radar. Ed Gould rounds up his Top 10 from the past month to uplift and inspire. Despite some of the problems the global population faces, there were some truly delightful news items in March that didn't necessarily get the attention they deserved. Read on to discover our top ten picks of the most positive news stories from the last month. 1. Coffee consumption seems to benefit heart health A study reported by the Times of India has discovered that coffee drinkers may have a good reason to enjoy their favourite beverage, as drinking it provides more than a mere pick-me-up. In fact, Australian research conducted at the Alfred Hospital and Baker Heart Institute in Melbourne found that coffee appears to combat the signs of heart disease. Equally, the research found no detrimental effects of coffee consumption on heart health. However, that doesn't mean you should drink gallons of the black stuff a day: two or three daily cups of coffee seems to have provided the best outcomes among those who took part in the research. Coffee could help heart health shutterstock/matsiukpavel 2. Recyclable wind turbine design becomes a reality There can be little doubt that wind turbine technology is good for creating sustainable energy. But, conversely, the materials used in the turbines come with a significant carbon cost. However, a new design that Denmark's LM Wind Power has come up with makes use of fully recyclable materials. A prototype model has proven itself to be successful that the entire project is soon to be upscaled, according to a report in Offshore Wind. The idea is that the blades will create no waste when they've completed their life cycles and can be easily replaced. 3. Renewable hydrogen fuel takes a leap forward In other energy news, a report in the Guardian stated that Australian researchers have been able to stabilise hydrogen as a fuel source, opening up the enticing possibility that it could eventually replace fossil fuels. Hydrogen is abundant but the efficiency of electrolysers is the key to being able to use it as fuel. However, a private company has been using technology developed at the University of Wollongong to try to overcome this issue. And its prototypes suggest a 95 per cent efficiency. This means that the energy needed to create usable hydrogen fuel is much less than it once was, making the fuel source more attractive for a variety of uses. 4. Turkish algae plant makes carbon negative biofuel A €6 million plant in Istanbul is making biofuel that uses less carbon consumption to make than ever before. According to Euro News, the plant has been jointly funded by the Turkish government and the EU. The biofuel production facility is located inside the campus of Bogazici University because of its location, close to the Black Sea, where algae grows naturally in abundance. The idea of the algae-made fuel is to use it in aviation. By blending it with conventional aircraft fuel, it is possible to reduce the carbon footprint of every aeroplane that uses it. A test flight with a Turkish Airlines jet is expected later in the year. 5. Park life is better for your health People who live in urban environments can do something about the health problems associated with stroke. A report in The New Daily stated that people who live close to a green open space are likely to be 16 per cent less likely to suffer from stroke. It's thought that the presence of parkland within 300 metres or so of your home will reduce your exposure to airborne pollutants, something that can lead to a raft of health conditions, including stroke. The study was carried out in the Spanish city of Barcelona and its surrounding areas. Green spaces could reduce stroke risk shutterstock/Jacob Lund 6. PET plastics can be broken down thanks to enzyme discovery Numerous press outlets reported in March that scientists had discovered a new type of enzyme that was able to reduce PET plastics to a single molecule. Although enzymes have been used to help plastic biodegrade before, PETs are among the toughest and most common plastics to deal with. This is why the University of Portsmouth's discovery is so important. According to Professor John McGeehan, the research went a stage further than before to deconstruct the building blocks of PETs with bacteria in sustainable chemicals. An added bonus of the findings is that valuable products could be made out of future PET plastic waste. 7. Dolphins whistle to each other for social reasons An announcement by the University of Bristol stated that researchers there have found that male dolphins use long-distance whistles to each other to maintain social contact. The research made clear that bottlenose dolphins are able to maintain their social activities for a more integrated community than had previously been thought, since many mammals do so by touch and little else. The bonding function of this species may indicate that other creatures use audible language to communicate in a more human-like way than was previously thought. Dolphins can whistle at each other Andrea Izzotti 8. Gun-related trauma alleviated by MBSR An academic study published in March focused on the role of mindfulness-based stress reduction techniques among people who had been exposed to severe gun-related trauma. Work at the San Diego School of Medicine – part of the University of California – found that trauma-related conditions, such as depression, sleep problems and grief, were less severe among people who took part in MBSR programmes. Participants in the research, some of whom had been exposed to high-profile firearms incidents and who had even lost loved ones in them, reported an average 37 per cent reduction in their overall feelings of trauma. 9. Cancer drug treatments given a boost thanks to bacterial discovery According to a report in Nature World News, American scientists have started to successfully use a bacterium that masks cancer drugs, thereby making them more effective when dealing with tumours. The idea has been likened to an invisibility cloak whereby the usual response to the introduction of such treatments is stealthier. The idea is to 'fool' the body's normal autoimmune response so that the drugs can do their work without being fought off. In turn, this should mean cancer patients feel less poorly when they are receiving treatments as their autoimmune systems are less activated. 10. Biodiversity in Scotland is increasing According to a report in the Scotsman, the indications of a shift towards greater biodiversity are looking positive thanks to a study into butterflies. The number of these beautiful creatures in the country has soared recently, according to an annual review by the UK Butterfly Monitoring Scheme. It found that 12 of the 24 species of the butterflies found in Scotland had increasing numbers. That's an indication of the sort of things butterflies feed on are present in ever greater numbers, too, hence the overall rosy picture for Scottish biodiversity the report suggests. According to the research, the wall butterfly has seen the greatest growth in numbers, almost doubling the known population compared to the previous study. • happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support in our happiness forum ■ self-develop with free online classes in our Academy Biology | Sustainability | Biotechnology | Nature Written by Ed Gould Ed Gould is a UK-based journalist and practitioner of Reiki.

From the confidant to the adventure seeker, here are the eight different types of friend you should have within your buddy group to enrich your life. Because as Dee Marques explains, sticking to one friend type limits our horizon. Which friend type are you? And which are missing from your friendship circle? Humans are social beings, which is why we need to feel we’re part of a group that values us, with different types of friends. Studies have shown that having friends helps us cope better with stress and anxiety. We also know that loneliness can be dangerous, as it’s been linked to emotional discomfort, depression, sleep disorders and substance abuse. We may be more or less sociable, introverted or extroverted, but we all need friendship. Unfortunately, some people have friends and still feel that something’s missing. For example, a while ago I started studying psychological astrology. I was very excited about what I was learning, but I was surprised by how my friends reacted to my new passion. They were just not interested. Did I need new friends? No, but their disinterest suggested that maybe I need different types of friends. One of the most common misconceptions about friendship is that our friends come in a one-size-fits-all format; that they serve all purposes, interests and situations. This couldn’t be further from the truth. In fact, we all need different types of friends. The 8 types of friends we all need Psychologists say that there are three main friendship types. First, there’s historical or lifelong friends. Then we have common-interest friends (or people we call friends because we have certain things in common). Lastly, intimate friendships involve types of friends with whom we share an especially strong bond. RELATED: Understanding the power of friendship This is a general overview of the different types of friend we all need. It can be expanded to include other friend types, based on what we can share with them and what we can learn from them. Here are eight examples of alternative friendship types that could make your life fuller and richer. 1. The “tell it like it is” friend Friends are supposed to have our best interests in mind. Actually, we’re supposed to have our best interests in mind ourselves, but we don’t always realise when we veer off course because we’re too enmeshed in whatever situation we are facing. • JOIN US! Sign up today and make new friends at happiness.com • Indeed, there are times when we venture in the wrong direction and everyone can see it but us. However, not everyone is willing to call us out on our mistakes. But an honest and caring friend will, even if the truth hurts, which is why brutally honest people should be one of the types of friends you have. Great friends tell it like it really is shutterstock/Prostock-studio 2. Someone who’s the opposite of you They say that opposites attract. But how can we develop a close friendship with someone who’s very different from us? Researchers have explored how this works mainly in romantic relationships. Sometimes we fall for someone who is the opposite of us in ideas, habits or upbringing, simply because we feel that their characteristics can complement what we don’t have. RELATED: 7 signs your friend doesn't care about you Obviously, you need to have something in common with friends. But think about this: if all our friends are exactly like us, we can end up having a very limited vision of life. It’s likely that our conversations will revolve around the same topics and that there’ll be little disagreement, but also very little healthy debate. On the other hand, a type of friend who is a polar opposite can make us break out of our comfort zone and open our eyes to other ways of being, thinking and doing. 3. The “weird one” Wanting to fit into a group or find your tribe is in human nature. However, the need for acceptance can be harmful to our mental health and development if we don’t know how to establish boundaries. Constantly seeking validation from friends and relatives can interfere with our personal growth and push us to mask our real selves. “A type of friend who is a polar opposite can make us break out of our comfort zone and open our eyes to other ways of being, thinking and doing.” But have you noticed how some people are who they are, no matter what? They’re often labelled as “the weird ones”, and they’re some of the most interesting types of friends you can have. We can learn a lot from people who aren’t afraid of setting boundaries and letting their personality bloom into a one-of-a-king being. 4. Someone older We tend to choose friends in our age range because that way we can share our experiences as we move through the same life stages. But that can also be an issue if you’re all stuck in a problematic life stage and don’t know what to make of it. Older and wiser people are one of the types of friends you should have, simply because of the wider perspective they can bring. Of course, older doesn’t necessarily mean wiser, but if you’re selective, you will find that more mature friends have usually been where you are now, and they may have valuable insights to offer. RELATED: 8 reasons why everyone should have an age-gap friendship 5. The daring adventure-seeker Sometimes – a lot of the time – life can get monotonous and if we’re too conservative with the types of friends we choose, we can stay stuck in the dullness for a long time. However, there are people out there with a wild desire to live and experience everything around them. These are the types of friends who are always up for an unplanned trip, ready to book a rock climbing class, or to do that exact same thing you’ve said you’ll never do! What’s more, they can easily convince you of why this is a good idea because their enthusiasm is contagious. We all need a daring adventure-seeker friend in our lives to challenge us and make us appreciate the richness of life. Adventurous buddies are essential shutterstock/NDAB Creativity 6. Work or career friends Since we spend so much time at work, it makes sense to have someone we can turn to when we are feeling overwhelmed, stressed, or having a bad day at work. So, the different types of friend you should have include a workplace buddy. This could be the person who trained you or someone you run into every day, as long as you feel comfortable talking to them and the feeling is mutual. • JOIN US! Join our curious community and discover new types of friends • Work or career friends don’t necessarily have to be people you work with. They can also be people you’ve met at a conference or at a business meeting. It can be anyone you’ve met who has similar career goals or ways of working, so you can can support each other in this area of life. You may feel you can’t share absolutely everything with work friends, as their interests and personal lives may be very different from yours. That’s OK! Different types of friends offer support with different areas of experience. 7. The “close-by” friend I’ve always lived in big cities, where neighbours are usually people you avoid (nobody likes the awkward interactions, especially not in the UK!). But, over the years, I’ve travelled to countries where the norm was to have a rather close and very cordial relationship with neighbours. “There are people with a wild desire to live. We all need an adventure-seeker type of friend to challenge us and make us appreciate the richness of life.” And it makes sense: knowing that there’s someone you can reach out to only a few steps away is invaluable. According to this survey, one of the main reasons why people don’t bother talking to their neighbours is because they think they’ll have nothing in common. Isn’t that a big assumption? The truth is that you never know what neighbours are like until you actually spend time talking to them. 8. A close confidant There are thoughts and feelings that we only feel comfortable sharing with very specific people, usually because we fear others will judge us or they won’t understand us. There is nothing more discouraging than opening up to the wrong person! Close confidants are one of the types of friend we should all have, because we all need unconditional and non-judgemental support at some point of our lives. These types of friends appreciate you for who you are and they understand that humans are a sum of good and not-so-good characteristics. With a close confidant, you never have to pretend you’re someone different, or hold back in any way. Takeaway: 8 types of friends we can all have The beauty about friendship is that we have a wide range of options out there. We always have the chance to make new friends, no matter what our age. And there are different types of friend who can enrich our lives, each in unique ways. • Looking at our list of the eight friends we all need, what type of friend do you think you are? Do you recognize any of these friendship types in your life? Are you missing any of these types of friends in your buddy circle? Let us know in the comments or head over to our friendship forum. happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine ■ share and support in our happiness forum ■ self-develop with free online Academy classes Deep listening | Loneliness | Empathy Written by Dee Marques A social sciences graduate with a keen interest in languages, communication, and personal development strategies. Dee loves exercising, being out in nature, and discovering warm and sunny places where she can escape the winter.

Making connections with like-minded souls isn't easy, but it's not beyond your reach, whatever your age. From always saying 'yes' to volunteering, Dee Marques explores seven ways you can find your tribe and meet the group of friends that have always got your back. Back in 2019, the term loneliness epidemic was making headlines as researchers realised how a pervasive feeling of disconnection affected people of all ages. Since then, the fallout from the pandemic has deepened this feeling of isolation and disconnection for many people. Even if you keep to yourself and aren’t particularly sociable – as is my case – chances are you’ve been left with an unsettling feeling and with the need to find your tribe. But often, this is easier said than done. Why does finding your tribe seem so hard? Finding your tribe may be easier when we’re teenagers or young adults. But as we grow older, our life paths can diverge, friendships fade, and there comes a point where you realise you may no longer have a lot in common with those you used to call your tribe. The overuse of technology these days could also make it harder to find your tribe. On one hand, it may seem that connecting with others is easier, since the internet eliminates geographical barriers. One aim of social media is to bring together like-minded people, so in theory such platforms could be a good place to go and find your tribe. But in practice, studies point to the link between social media use and social anxiety, loneliness and isolation. Indeed, social media and the internet has to be used in the right way when it comes to finding your tribe. It's never too late to find your tribe Having said that, finding your tribe is definitely possible, even if it takes planning and breaking down some common misconceptions. Let's have a deeper look at how to find your tribe and feel connected to others. How to find your tribe: getting started Before you can try to find your tribe, you should know what exactly qualifies as “a tribe”. In anthropology, the term “tribe” is used to define a small group of people who are bound together by strong ties, like speaking a common language, living in the same territory, or sharing political or religious beliefs. Interestingly, note that there’s no mention of hobbies in this technical description, which suggests that real tribes are held together better by deeply held ideals or motivations. Indeed, the glue that keeps tribe members close to each other is made up of more meaningful things, like values or purpose in life. • JOIN US! Sign up today and make new friends at happiness.com • What this means is that the first step towards finding your tribe involves having a clear idea of the things you deeply cherish. In other words, we need to know ourselves before we can find our tribe. This will require some self-work, perhaps even doing some shadow work before connecting with others. Find yourself to find your tribe First of all, it’s important to challenge any assumptions we may have about ourselves and our ability to relate to others. For example, if you think people find you boring, your lack of confidence will show and you’ll most likely appear as a boring person – even if you’re not. So, how comfortable are you being yourself is an important question to ask, before you even ask how you can find your tribe. The second question to ask is: what exactly are you about? What’s your message to the world? We rarely ask these questions because they’re hard to answer and involve a lot of soul searching, but if you’re not 100 per cent sure about what you stand for, it will be difficult to find a tribe that resonates with you. “The first step towards finding your tribe involves having a clear idea of the things you deeply cherish. In other words, we need to know ourselves before we can find our tribe.” Next, you should set aside some time to think about the patterns you follow when you meet a new group of people. Do you try to adapt and fit to the majority, or do you try to impose your views? Both choices can interfere with the creation of genuine connections with others. And lastly, make sure you can give a concise answer to the question “What are you looking for in your tribe?” We often taken for granted that being part of a tribe is all about support and companionship, but these concepts don’t mean the same to everyone. Maybe you’re looking for a tribe that can support you through while you're dealing with a break-up or the loss of a loved one. Or maybe you want to find a group that helps you reach your professional or fitness goals? Seven steps to finding your tribe We’re all slightly different in how we approach and connect with others. So to make sure you have a range of options, here a list of things you can do to make new friends as an adult and find your tribe. 1. Join groups Earlier on I touched upon the isolating effect that social media can have. But that’s not to say that we shouldn’t spend any time online. Social networks and other websites can still be used to make the first connection with groups that could potentially become your tribe: we just need to stop the endless doom scrolling; instead focusing on the ways to better connect with others. So, make a list of groups that resonate with you, research them online, and join them offline too. But don’t just lurk in the shadows – make a conscious effort to introduce yourself, explain why you joined, what you’re looking for, and what type of support you offer too. Try new groups, such as hiking, to meet like-minded souls shutterstock/DisobeyArt 2. Say yes to everything! At first, you may be a bit wary of accepting invitations to meet group members, but you’ll never find your tribe if you hide behind a screen or say no by default. Even if someone suggests an activity that wouldn’t be your first choice, be open to all possibilities and don’t rule anything out. You may be positively surprised with the results. 3. Consider volunteering Psychologists know that acts of kindness usually benefit both giver and receiver. So, if you need deep connections and support, instead of searching for it for yourself, consider offering those things to others who may need them too. RELATED: Understanding the power of friendship Look around and you’ll see there’s no shortage of volunteering opportunities. To find a meaningful area, do some journaling to explore situations that were hard to cope with but you eventually overcame. Have you been abused, bullied, suffered from depression or anxiety? If so, you can use this to help others and find your tribe. These are powerful life experiences you already share, so you’re more likely to be on the same wavelength. 4. Sign up for a new class Exercise, poetry, meditation, creative writing, photography: anything that you’ve been wanting to do for a while could be used to meet like-minded people. There’s always a ring of excitement about learning new things, and this positive mood will probably be shared by others in your class. This type of environment is very conducive to developing new friendships and can be the starting point to finding your tribe. 5. Explore online communities Some special interest websites have realised the importance of community. For example, here at happiness.com we cover various aspects of wellness and self-improvement, but we’re pivoting our site to be more than just a place to find interesting blog posts. Instead, we want to the site to become a central point of connection where you’ll be able to but to find like-spirited people who share your ideals, way of life and priorities. “Sign up to a new class. This type of environment is very conducive to developing new friendships and can be the starting point to finding your tribe.” And, of course, our very own website, happiness.com, is an excellent place to connect with others on a similar wavelength and perhaps find a deeper sense of community. You can create a profile and find new friends based around your interests. Perhaps you're interested in tarot reading, feng shui, philosophy or non-duality, and have struggled to find people that share your passions? Just add your interests to your profile and you can reach out to other members that are into the same thing to start a conversation. What's more, our happiness forums are an intelligent and curious way to share ideas and engage in discussions with people you may want to connect with on a more profound level. You can discover threads on all areas of well-being and modern life, such as conscious living, mental health, sexuality, etc. 6. Avoid being judgmental When we spending a lot of time alone, we tend to get settled into our own ways and it can be harder to accept whatever doesn’t fit into our perceived standards. One of the keys to finding your tribe is trying to stay open-minded and not jumping to conclusions about the people you meet. Indeed, as humans we label people based on stale pre-conceptions and rule them out as “too different” from us. But in reality, we never know the real person until we spend time and share experiences with them. So, don’t be judgmental and give them a chance – it’s only fair. 7. Be realistic A common misconception is that when you find your tribe, you’ll magically and instantly feel a strong connection to them and know that it was meant to be! However, even if there’s a strong affinity, we must remember that relationships are like plants: they need to be cultivated over a period of time to enjoy the beautiful fruits they produce. Along the way, there may be misunderstandings or less-than-perfect experiences. • SIGN UP! Join the caring happiness.com community and make new friends • Connections don’t have to be perfect, but offer meaningful companionship and support. Bear that in mind when reviewing your expectations. How to find your tribe and feel true belonging Don’t feel discouraged if you’ve struggled to connect with like-minded people for a while and don’t know how to find your tribe. If you do some soul searching and are realistic, open-minded and proactive, you can be sure that the doors to genuine connections will open, allowing to feel a true sense of belonging in the world. • Main image: shutterstock/Sabrina Bracher happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Join free now and: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine ■ share and support in our happiness forum ■ self-develop with free online Academy classes Deep listening | Trust | Loneliness | Empathy Written by Dee Marques A social sciences graduate with a keen interest in languages, communication, and personal development strategies. Dee loves exercising, being out in nature, and discovering warm and sunny places where she can escape the winter.

Laughing during or after sex is more common than you'd think. And while you may get a fit of the giggles when something goes wrong, laughter during or after sex also signifies an incredibly satisfying sexual experience. Psychologist Stanislava Puač Jovanović explains... Sex is always a unique experience. What it will be like depends on an array of factors. Whom with and when are you sharing this encounter? What kind of mood set the stage for the act — gentle, romantic, passionate, or is it sex after a fight? Finally, there are different types of lovers. Some people are shy and quiet, and some loud and full of confidence. There are those who like to submit. Others allow themselves to be passionately dominant or benevolently aggressive. Some play roles and test ways to get satisfaction. And some people laugh during or after sex. In this article I'll look into the relationship between sex and laughter. I'll review current research and explain why you or your partner may have an uncontrollable need for laughing during sex — or afterwards — and why it is perfectly normal. Why do some people laugh during and after sex? Laughter accompanies us at every step of a romance. When we first meet a person we like, we tend to laugh loudly and signal interest. Research has revealed that, by doing so, we send a “this is play” message in an uncertain situation. Laughter brings us closer to our partners throughout the relationship. Everyone knows what joy in a relationship feels like. When you joke around, smile a lot, and laugh, it means you are happy together. In fact, a study proved that the amount of time you spend laughing with your partner is directly associated with the quality of the relationship. Therefore, laughter during sex can be seen as a continuation of the good feeling you have with your partner. Also, it may mean that you are in a good relationship with yourself. But how so, exactly? Laughter during sex brings partners closer Laughing the awkward moments off A recent study revealed that people who are fine with laughing at themselves might enjoy better relationships. The ability to laugh at yourself and share this laughter with others can even boost your sexual satisfaction. What is the mechanism behind this association? People who love to make fun of themselves tend to be more confident and feel better in their skin. So, laughter during sex means, basically, that you are more relaxed in relationships and sure of yourself. • JOIN US! Sign up today and make new friends at happiness.com • Even more precisely, we all know that embarrassing incidents happen during sex. Sometimes, we have a snowball’s chance in Hell of looking as elegant, confident and alluring as we intended. Whether you get stuck trying to take off tight clothes, fall off the bed, pass wind, or try a pose you have zero experience with, 'mistakes' will happen. The entire experience will not become a mortifying event when you can laugh off those embarrassing moments. The chemical foundations of laughter with sex The science behind laughing during or laughter after sex can be summarised as follows — when you are happy and pleased, you act accordingly. In layman’s terms — when sex is great, the elation can naturally be followed by laughter. Sex impacts (among other hormones and neurotransmitters) the secretion of oxytocin. Oxytocin is associated with many functions in both sexes. It helps during labour and has a role in breastfeeding. Another function of oxytocin is related to the tend-and-befriend response, which is, in short, the opposite of flight-or-fight. It is behaviour more typical of women. However, oxytocin helps us connect with others in general, regardless of sex. Finally, oxytocin has been shown to influence sexual pleasure. “When your body is filled with oxytocin during intercourse, it is natural that you might laugh. The same chemical explanation can be applied to laughing after sex. It is simply the continuation of pleasure and cheerfulness.” Because of the connection between oxytocin, orgasm, love, bonding, sexual pleasure, and lower levels of stress and pain, scientists are now calling it the hormone of love. Therefore, when your body is filled with oxytocin during intercourse, it is natural that you might feel the need to laugh. The same chemical explanation can be applied to laughing after sex. It is simply the continuation of pleasure and cheerfulness. Why do some people not laugh during sex? Sometimes, we think of sex as anything but funny. We want to impress, look seductive, and feel secure and adored. In short, sex is can often be quite stressful, even though it is meant to be anything but that. Sex is, potentially, an arena for all our insecurities to come out. One study looked into how attachment styles relate to sexual satisfaction. The results determined that people who had insecure attachments reported sexual dissatisfaction. What is more, when men had an anxious attachment, their female partners were dissatisfied. When women were avoidant, their male partners were not pleased. Overall, when people do not feel relaxed and confident enough, they might have a hard time enjoying intercourse. Laughter during sex is unlikely to happen. 5 ways laughter and sex are connected On the other hand, when you incorporate laughter into your sexual life, you are blending two phenomena that naturally go hand in hand. Why? Because they are very similar in terms of their effect on the body. Both laughter and sex can alleviate anxiety. As discussed earlier, oxytocin and endorphins, the happiness hormones, are released during sex and laughter. These hormones can help you feel relaxed and overcome anxieties more easily. Furthermore, laughter and sex both stimulate your immune system. WebMD reports that several studies found having sex once or twice a week is related to higher levels of antibodies in your bloodstream. Similarly, laughter stimulates your immune system and has positive effects on natural killer cell cytotoxicity. It could be argued, then, that laughter after sex doubles the benefits. Indeed, laughter and sex can make us fit and healthy. Both can be considered exercise, in a way. Apart from other beneficial effects of both activities on our physical and mental health, sex and joking around burns calories. A study determined that 10–15 minutes of laughter per day could increase your calories expenditure by 2–10 kcal. Laughter and sex also leads to hormonal balance. Whether you are laughing or having sex (or laughing after sex), your cortisol and adrenalin levels drop. Researchers are even suggesting the use of laughter therapy instead of pharmacological means of addressing stress-induced hormonal disbalance. The overall workings of both playfulness and sexual pleasure lead to better hormonal balance. Laughter and sex change our moods and thoughts for the better. Overall, we can conclude that both laughter and sex can help us feel better, more optimistic, and more peaceful. They can help ease tension and reset our minds when we get too wrapped up in our own thoughts and fears. And laughter after sex is the winning combination for a great mood. How laughter can strengthen relationships Playfulness is a desirable trait, regardless of gender. Researchers who study the role of playfulness in romance found that when women are full of life in that way, men see youth — regardless of age. On the other hand, a playful man will be perceived as non-aggressive by women. These are traits men and women seek in the opposite sex when they are choosing their long-term partners. However, the role of laughter and playfulness (including laughing during sex and laughter after sex) does not end at the point of a beginning of a relationship. There is an abundance of research revealing that laughter can strengthen relationships at different stages. Stay playful and enjoy everything about sex shutterstock.com/fizkes What is it about playfulness that helps us feel good in relationships? A 2019 study explored how different forms of playfulness might relate to relationship satisfaction. Over 200 couples were surveyed. The findings confirmed that two kinds of playfulness directly led to higher levels of satisfaction with one’s relationship. The first is other-directed playfulness. This is when you enjoy playful interactions with others use playfulness to ease tension in social situations or to cheer others up. The other is intellectual playfulness. Such playfulness comes to play when you prefer complexity over simplicity, enjoy play of words, or playing things through in your mind. “When your body is filled with oxytocin during intercourse, it is natural that you might laugh. The same chemical explanation can be applied to laughing after sex. It is simply the continuation of pleasure and cheerfulness.” Playfulness also plays a role in sexual satisfaction. Metz and McCarthy, researchers in the field of sex and related psychological factors, determined that being playful can prevent monotony in your sex life. They say that people chase great sex in the wrong directions, listen to the wrong sources, and get caught up in sexual “hype”. The focus on perfectionism fuels performance anxiety and undermine healthy, satisfying sex. Therefore, add playfulness to your sex life. Was there anything comical about the intercourse? Do joke about it (in a sensitive manner, of course). Laughing after sex will ease the tension and bring you closer. RELATED: What playfulness can do for your relationship How can we get more laughter into our relationships? One theoretical model, empirically confirmed and also very intuitive, could provide advice. According to its principles, when we are playful in a relationship, this causes positive emotions. Positive emotions, expectedly, make us feel more content with our relationship. However, who are people who are playful? The confident ones. Yes, self-esteem and a love for humour make you feel confident enough to act silly at times and be full of beans. Takeaway: laugh and love Sex is meant to be fun. However, modern culture puts too much pressure on the act. We see unrealistic bodies, positions and ambience everywhere. From TV shows to pornographic material, we are bombarded by how “the perfect” sexual intercourse ought to look. As a result, we get too stressed and focus on the wrong things. Remember, sex is about two people making a connection. To have a genuine relationship with someone, you need to be authentic. This means laughing during sex if you feel like it. As long as you are not mocking your partner, laughter during sex can only add to the beauty of the act. So, do not shy away from laughing after sex and creating a lasting feeling of closeness with your partner. • Main image: shutterstock.com/Rawpixel.com happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Join free now and: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine ■ share and support in our happiness forum ■ develop with free online Academy classes Sexuality | Empathy | Trust Written by Stanislava Puač Jovanović Stanislava Puač Jovanović has a master’s degree in psychology and works as a freelance writer and researcher in this area. Her primary focus is on questions relating to mental health, stress-management, self-development and well-being.

There were many feel-good health and environmental stories in the press in February. Ed Gould rounds up his Top 10 from the past month to uplift and inspire you. During February the situation in Ukraine rightly dominated the news headlines. However, there were also many positive news stories flying under the radar. In case you missed them, here's a recap of some of the uplifting stories that offer us some hope for the world in these difficult times. 1. Majority of people would ban single-used plastics Plastic may be a versatile material that we all use every day. However, single-use plastics are becoming increasingly unpopular. While the British supermarket, Tesco, announced in February that it would ban single-use baby wipes from its stores if they're made from plastics, a global survey reported most people would prefer to do away with them completely. Indeed, according to Reuters, three-quarters of people around the world back the banning of single-use plastics, something that more shops, manufacturers and governments are likely to take notice of. 2. Dietary change offers startlingly good results Few people truly appreciate that a healthy diet is great for their well-being. However, unless they suffer from a particular condition that is affected by dietary intake, the results of adopting a healthy food lifestyle can be quite intangible. But, according to a report by CNN, doing so may be much more beneficial than we had first thought. This is because a new scientific study in the US has discovered that healthy diets can add as much as 13 years to the human lifespan. That's an astonishingly good result for eating more broccoli and avoiding convenience foods! Discover more about good mood foods that can boost your happiness and improve your mental health. RELATED: 10 easy ways to supercharge your breakfast 3. Long Covid symptoms can be improved with mindfulness In an article written by Susan M Pollak, a clinical instructor at the Harvard Medical School, and published in Psychology Today, it has been suggested that long COVID sufferers could benefit from adopting mindfulness techniques. According to Pollak, the idea is that long COVID symptoms tend to revolve around an abnormal immune response that has been linked to increased inflammation. Given that mindfulness has already been shown to be beneficial in helping people dealing with inflammation, Pollak suggests that it's offered to those living with long COVID as a viable treatment pathway. Mindful behaviour could help those with long COVID shutterstock/maxpetrov 4. Sound waves used to help stimulate bone growth According to a report in Bio News, stem cell researchers are now deploying the power of sound waves to help them promote create better bone growth. It's hoped that the new technique will help people with certain degenerative diseases as well as cancers that affect the normal regeneration of bones. The work was pioneered at the Royal Melbourne Institute of Technology in Australia and uses high-frequency sound waves to trigger change responses in stem cells that go on to promote growth. • JOIN US! Sign up to learn more about meditation and mindfulness • 5. Cheap water desalination technology developed According to the official news outlet of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, a team of researchers there, along with Chinese colleagues, have come up with an inexpensive way to turn salt and wastewater into drinking water by removing impurities with little energy. The availability of fresh water is a big problem for people, livestock and crops in many places. This new system uses passive solar energy to remove salt from water through natural convection. It's hoped the method will soon help people to recover usable water from numerous sources without having to rely on man-made energy sources. 6. Exercise boosts memory function A PhD student at the University of Pittsburgh, Sarah Aghjayan, has published a paper that suggests aerobic exercise, even if it isn't conducted for very long, is good for memory function in later life. The research shows that people who exercise frequently, even in short bursts, are more likely to be able to better remember things as they age. According to a press report about the findings in the i newspaper, the effect is most noticeable in people in their late-50s and early-60s but even older people also get a benefit, too. Aghjayan reckons that anyone who exercises about three times a week for anything from 15 to 50 minutes should benefit from improved memory function when they reach their late middle age. Exercise shown to boost memory function in older generations shutterstock/Rocketclips, Inc. 7. MBSR helps with migraine-related pain It has long been known that mindfulness-based stress reduction (MBSR) has a wide range of health benefits, but a recently published study focussed on its particular properties with respect to migraines. So-called episodic pain from these types of headaches is common among migraine sufferers. What the researchers found was that the mesocorticolimbic system function was improved by motivated behaviour, the sort of thing that happens during an MBSR meditation session, for example. A 12-week long programme of MBSR practice was compared in a trial. Fewer headaches were reported in that time among the group who took part compared to those who did not. RELATED: Free online MBSR course 8. Crops grow better when placed under red filters Simply placing plants under red filters when they're grown in greenhouses leads to crop yield increases of over a third, it has been discovered. Red spectrum light means that plants tend to put more energy into the production of chlorophyll, something that results in more growth. Scientists in Australia believe the discovery will mean more and more greenhouse producers will turn to reddened glazing as more crops per hectare can be produced, lowering costs and helping to feed the world more productively, too. 9. Whaling to come to an official end in Iceland Very few countries still hunt whales since a moratorium was brought in among the majority of seafaring nations in the 1980s. That said, a once significant country for commercial whaling has long-continued with the practice. However, in something of a sea change, Iceland has decided it will no longer allow whaling vessels to ply their trade from its ports. The change in the law is due to take effect as soon as 2024. According to reports in the Guardian, this is because its chief market, Japan, is demanding fewer and fewer imports of whale meat. Only Norway and Japan will still allow whales to be hunted commercially. Whaling in Iceland to end officially Craig Lambert Photography 10. Magnesium found to play crucial role in immune response According to a report in Technology Networks, the levels of magnesium people have in their bodies plays an important part in the way their immune response functions. After calcium, magnesium is the second most abundant positively charged ion in the body. This means that it can help to support numerous enzymes, some of which play a vital role in helping our bodies' immune systems to work properly. Work at the University of Basel and the department of medicine at the University of Cambridge is ongoing but early indications seem to demonstrate that all sorts of diseases, including cancer, can be warded off by consuming supplements with magnesium in them. Natural foods like almonds, milk and fish can all assist with magnesium intake, too. • happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ develop with free online classes in our happiness Academy Biology | Sustainability | Biotechnology | Nature Written by Ed Gould Ed Gould is a UK-based journalist and practitioner of Reiki.

Research shows that breakfast is an important meal that can keep us healthy, happy and productive throughout the day. Sonia Vadlamani examines this claim and lists some simple ideas to supercharge your breakfast for sustained energy and improved focus. We’re often told by experts and concerned family members that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Indeed, the clue to why breakfast is generally considered vital could be present in its name itself: we are advised to break our overnight fast with a healthy, nourishing meal. However, it’s estimated that nearly a quarter of individuals in the United States skip breakfast. Meanwhile, in the UK, around 10 per cent of the population fail to eat brekkie, claiming that it coincides with some of the busiest hours of their day. Among those who usually do eat breakfast in the UK, a third prefer breakfast cereals, while 20 per cent opt for toast on-the-go. This suggests that our busy lifestyles seem to lure most of us into believing that we simply don’t have the time for a wholesome breakfast. But failing to have a supercharged breakfast often results in some unhealthy snacking throughout the day which can fail to keep us energized for long durations and negatively affect our mood and performance. • JOIN US! Sign up to learn more about healthy eating and nutrition • However, many of us those who normally skip breakfast due to time constraints may have been working from home ever since the outbreak of the COVID-19 pandemic. This means many of us could now find it possible to squeeze in some time to fix a nutritionally balanced or supercharged breakfast. Why is breakfast so important? Aside from not wanting to start the workday feeling a familiar grumble in the tummy and then impulsively reaching out for the first sugar-laden snack that catches the eye, there are several reasons why you should consider breakfast as an important meal. Firstly, breakfast as a habit is associated with a relatively lower BMI and lower probability of obesity. A review by Rachel Galioto et al compared 38 studies centered on the cognitive effects of breakfast. It concluded that adults who consume breakfast regularly tend to exhibit robust improvement in memory power, attention span and thought processing speed. Stack avocado and salmon on sourdough for a healthy breakfast shutterstock/Andrej Rutar Furthermore, regular consumption of a balanced breakfast has been shown to boost macronutrient and micronutrient intake in children and adolescents. Research also suggests that viewing breakfast as a good habit and not a boring, repetitive custom helps induce better diet quality and improved food choices during one’s early development stages and throughout life. A study by Rosario Ferrer-Cascales et al also revealed that a good-quality breakfast is associated with lower stress levels and depression, and improved levels of well-being and happiness. Furthermore, breakfast being the first meal of the day is likely to set the tone for the decisions we make and tasks we perform through the day. This is why we can benefit from getting our day off to a great start with supercharged breakfast ideas. This is especially true for the days when we have a lot on our plate, like a series of important tasks to check off, a goal to accomplish, or an important meeting. 10 ways to supercharge your breakfast Contrary to common belief, healthier breakfasts need not require expensive and rare ingredients or involve tedious preparation. In fact, supercharged breakfasts can be made with easily available ingredients, are fun to prepare, and can taste delicious when compared to heavily processed, factory-made breakfast options. The basic formula for a supercharged breakfast remains the same: pairing complex carbs such as whole grains and fibre-rich seeds with good quality proteins and healthy fats. This mix helps to power the brain and body to take on the day and keep us feeling satiated till the next meal time. So, here are some ways to keep your energy levels flying high through the day while also fulfilling your nutritional needs with a supercharged breakfast. 1. Avoid sugary, processed breakfast cereals While most commercial breakfast cereals are often delicious and easily available, they are also usually the worst possible choice for breakfast. A 2016 study by World Action on Salt and Health found that 55 per cent of the surveyed breakfast cereals contained over half the Recommended Daily Allowance (RDA) of sugar for a three-year-old, while 34 per cent of the products contained 20 per cent of the RDA of salt per 100g. Not only are refined grains stripped of most of their valuable nutrients during processing, the high starch and sugar content in ready-to-eat breakfast cereals can lead to a quick surge in blood sugar levels, contributing towards weight gain, a rise in cholesterol, and inconsistent energy levels. Wholegrains could be the most efficient way to supercharge your breakfast, as they contain more slow-digesting fibre, which can keep you satiated for longer while maintaining a steady blood sugar level to keep you going throughout your whole day. Try including a variety of diferent grains like sorghum, amaranth, oats and quinoa to supercharge your breakfast. If you can’t avoid breakfast cereals altogether, swap the likes of puffed rice or chocolate-flavoured wheats with wholegrain muesli, low sugar granola bars and quick oats. These usually have a higher fibre content and keep you feeling full for longer. 2. Introduce oats into your diet Oats are versatile and can keep you satiated for a long time due to their high fibre content. Oat bran is also rich in beta-glucan, a soluble fibre and gut-friendly prebiotic that provides a host of benefits like preventing constipation, alleviating inflammation and controlling plasma cholesterol levels. RELATED: The 15 best prebiotics to include in your diet There are several ways to supercharge your breakfast with oats. Try it in the form of overnight oats, where rolled oats are soaked overnight in milk or dairy-free nut milk variants such as almond milk. Then top it off with a variety of nuts, seeds and/or fruit. If you are short on time, instant porridge oats can be a nutritional option as well. Porridge oats keep you fuller for longer shutterstock/Vladislav Noseek 3. Caffeine can wait As a coffee aficionado, I understand how difficult and even absurd this may sound, but indulging in caffeine immediately after launching yourself out of bed is a bad idea. That’s because caffeine intake on an empty stomach can cause a sharp surge in blood sugar – meaning you may feel an impending crash in energy levels and mood before your day has even begun. On the other hand, sipping your coffee after a nutritionally-balanced breakfast can help sustain the effect of the caffeine – in terms of improved productivity and mood – throughout the day. “Wholegrains could be the most efficient way to supercharge your breakfast, as they contain more slow-digesting fibre, which can keep you satiated for longer while maintaining a steady blood sugar level.” If you're one of the many people that believe they need caffeine to function efficiently, pairing it with a supercharged breakfast may help you kickstart your day the right way. Meanwhile, if you can do without a caffeine-fix, swapping it for a herbal tea can aid your digestive health, alleviate stress and even prevent depression. 4. Add a protein punch While simple carbs create a short-lived energy boost followed by an instant spike and crash in blood sugar, protein is digested at a more sustained pace by the body, thus keeping you energized and productive during your whole day. Increasing your protein intake can result in easier weight management, in addition to lowered triglycerides and blood pressure. Including protein-rich grains like buckwheat, quinoa or amaranth in your breakfast can keep you going through your working day with consistent energy levels, preventing the tendency to reach for sugary snacks a few hours after you’ve had your breakfast. Lean meats, free-range poultry, wild salmon, tuna, and plant-based options like chickpeas, lentils and tofu also offer high-quality protein to supercharge your breakfast. 5. Include more nuts, seeds and berries Nuts and seeds are considered good mood foods owing to their tryptophan content, which upon digestion synthesizes into serotonin, which is also known as one of the ‘happiness hormones’. These foods can also boost the omega-3, fibre and protein content in your breakfast, thus gearing you up for the day at a sustained pace. Topping your plain-looking porridge/oatmeal bowl with nuts (pumpkin, sunflower, almond flakes, cashews, pecans, etc), and seeds like amaranth, chia or sesame can create a supercharged breakfast with minimal effort and prep. Adding superfoods like goji berries, blueberries and/or quinoa seeds can enhance the flavour, in addition to upping the antioxidant content and micronutrient profile, thus boosting your heart health and reducing your risk factors for chronic diseases. However, these foods are often calorie-dense, and you should mind the portion size to prevent excess consumption. 6. Shake it up Smoothies are a great way to get your daily fibre and antioxidant intake while you’re on the go. Freeze the fruits and veggies of your choice the previous day, add in a preferably dairy-free milk option or yogurt in the morning and blend together for a quick, delicious and healthy breakfast. If you’re in a hurry and can’t find the time for an elaborate prep, a simple protein shake with a scoop of high-quality whey powder with spinach or a banana can make for a protein-rich, supercharged breakfast that will keep you satiated for hours. Supercharged smoothies make for a great breakfast choice 7. Put it on toast There are unlimited ways to jazz up plain toast, whipping up a delicious and supercharged breakfast toast being one of them. Start stacking toast with healthy fats like avocados or nut butters, and layer with good-quality proteins like smoked salmon, poached eggs, or an omelette. Add in a fibre component with chia or pumpkin seeds, and vegetables like spinach, kale, tomatoes or bell peppers. Opting for a slice of wholegrain sourdough or multigrain bread instead of white bread aids slower digestion, thereby keeping you active and productive throughout the day. RELATED: How to heal your gut – 11 ideas to restore belly health 8. Indulge in low GI breakfasts The Glycemic Index (GI) of a food relates to its ability to affect blood sugar and, according to Dr. Frank Hu, professor of nutrition, Harvard School of Public Health, “plays an important role for people trying to follow a healthy diet”. High GI foods like white rice/bread and corn can cause a sudden spike in blood glucose and insulin levels. This, in turn, can increase the risk of developing cardiovascular disease, type 2 diabetes and pancreatic cancer. In contrast, low GI foods can help you feel fuller for longer while maintaining consistent blood sugar, aiding weight management. It’s easy to supercharge your breakfast with swaps for lowering GI, such as choosing brown rice and wholegrain breads over their white equivalents. 9. Practise conscious breathing Have you ever felt the impulse to grab a soda and a doughnut for lunch instead of fixing yourself a healthier, supercharged breakfast, yet felt the urge receding when you thought it over calmly? A study by Adrian Meule established a strong connection between one’s pace of breathing and the corresponding effect on their eating behavior, suggesting that slow-paced breathing can pacify one’s food cravings. “If you’re in a hurry and can’t find the time for an elaborate prep, a simple protein shake with a scoop of high-quality whey powder with spinach or a banana can make for a protein-rich, supercharged breakfast.” Practising conscious breathing enables you to slow down and be aware of your feelings, thoughts and reaction to various stimuli. Set aside at least two minutes each day before you proceed to eat your meals, drawing awareness to your breathing pattern. Taking slow, deep breaths can go a long way to curb unhealthy cravings or impulsive food decisions on a repeated basis, thus potentially preventing the onset of eating disorders like food guilt and binge eating. 10. Practise mindful eating Supercharging your breakfast – and in fact – all your meals becomes easier when you’re paying attention to the various cues from your brain and body, and are mindful about your choices. Take the time to practise some mindful minutes each morning with rituals like journaling, daily intentions and body scan meditation. • JOIN US! Sign up to learn more about meditation and mindfulness • Furthermore, mindful eating involves paying attention to the moment-to-moment experience around eating without judgement. It encourages you to take pleasure in the process of planning and prepping your meals – as well as consuming them. A randomized control trial on 194 obese adults from the University of California concluded that introducing mindfulness rituals like daily affirmations to one’s diet and exercise routine can result in better food choices and reduced cravings, in addition to improved fasting blood glucose levels. Takeaway: supercharge your breakfast “One should not attend even the end of the world without a good breakfast,” as Robert A. Heinlein famously once said. Indeed, there’s no reason to avoid a nutritional, supercharged breakfast that will set you up for the day because, in reality, it requires minimal effort and time. Saying that, supercharging your breakfast may require some patience and dedication at first. However, once you start noticing the positive changes regarding your mood, energy levels, productivity and overall health, incorporating my suggestions above into your daily schedule might come more naturally to you, even taking the form of a healthy habit. • Main image: shutterstock/Jacob Lund happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ Develop with free online classes in our happiness Academy Probiotics & prebiotics | Gut health | Herbalism Written by Sonia Vadlamani Fitness and healthy food blogger, food photographer and stylist, travel-addict and future self journaler. Sonia loves to write and has resolved to dedicate her life to revealing how easy and important it is to be happier, stronger and fitter each day. Follow her daily pursuits at FitFoodieDiary or on Instagram.

Purpose, motivation, meaning and creativity are key elements of generativity: the desire to make your mark on the world by passing your knowledge and skills to future generations. Psychologist Stanislava Puač Jovanović explores why generativity matters and the surprising health benefits it can offer. What will your legacy be? To be entirely honest, if you asked me whether I was concerned with generativity before I started writing this article, I would probably respond negatively. Although I am familiar with the concept, it had simply slipped my mind. However, it did its workings in the background. When I examine the thoughts and needs dwelling in my head, I realise — that’s it! I am approaching middle adulthood (turning 36 in a few weeks). Just as Erik Erikson theorised, the need to create something that will outlast me is starting to become more prominent on my list of priorities. As I am working through resolving some lifelong internal conflicts and their consequences, the focus of my motivation changes. I am starting to see the yearning to make a difference in someone else’s life — and I know that now I am truly capable of it. Although you may not be directly aware of it, generativity might have been a burning issue for you. Do you feel the impulse to create, make your mark on the world, and ensure your life matters? If so, chances are, you are in the phase of life Erikson described as generativity vs stagnation. I'll explain what generativity is and how to go through this stage of life with success. What exactly is generativity? Erik Erikson was a highly influential psychoanalyst. His theory about stages of psychological development was introduced in the 1950s. Unlike Freud, Erikson believed that we develop psychologically throughout life, not only during childhood. Erikson also took into account not only our parents’ impact but the effects of society as a whole. The theory consists of eight developmental stages. Each is defined by two opposing psychological tendencies. In other words, there is a conflict, a crisis. When we successfully resolve it, we come out of that stage with a specific virtue. When we fail to complete it successfully, our ability to go through later stages is somewhat reduced. Considering generativity: what skills can you pass on? shutterstock/Halfpoint Generativity vs stagnation is the developmental phase of middle adulthood. Erikson did not assign ages to his stages, but later researchers tried to do so. Therefore, generativity becomes the focal matter roughly when you are in your late-30s or entering your 40s, up until the mid-60s. Generativity happens in mid-life because usually by then we have worked out our identities in the previous life stages. Once we realise and come to terms with who we are, we start to look at the bigger picture. We abandon the egocentric focus of childhood and youth and fully grasp our impermanence. So, we want to ensure our legacy lives after us. What does this stage entail, exactly? Generativity vs stagnation When you hit the generativity period of your life, you are concerned with productivity and creativity. You want to create new ideas, new products, significant changes in the world. You wish to engage with the next generation, and you do it through parenting, coaching, mentoring. Community involvement may become crucial at this point. All in all, the generativity phase is about creating a legacy. I said earlier that each stage in Erikson’s theory revolves around resolving a conflict. At this point, it is a matter of generativity vs stagnation. When you are successful at resolving it, you will develop a virtue of care. “Do you feel the impulse to create, make your mark on the world, and ensure your life matters? If so, chances are, you are in the generativity vs stagnation phase of life.” However, if you do not embrace your need to create, you might find yourself inert and dissociated from the world, meaning and community. Erikson named the outcome of a failure at this stage as rejectivity. You might feel disconnected and uninvolved. As a result, a stagnant person will be self-centred, disengaged and void of purpose. Research supported Erikson’s observations and revealed that a lack of generativity might be associated with: Poorer health outcomes in late adulthood Lower satisfaction with life and subjective well-being Lower levels of social support in the older age, which, in itself, is a risk factor for numerous mental and physical health disorders. The benefits of generativity Developing generativity in middle adulthood can have positive outcomes at this or the next stages of your life. You are not only contributing to the world — you are also setting the stage for healthy and satisfying ageing. Empirical findings showed that generativity might result in: Better adaptation to the world and life. According to a study of over 80 well-educated women, those who scored high on generativity at 52 had more positive personality characteristics, higher satisfaction with marriage and motherhood, and more successful ageing at the age of 62. Better cognitive and emotional health. A longitudinal study lasting 75 years confirmed that men who were high in generativity during middle adulthood had significantly better performance on cognitive and executive functioning. Moreover, they had lower levels of depression. Lower levels of inflammation. Interestingly, the research found that an intervention designed to increase generativity – in which women were writing letters and speaking about their life experiences and advice – resulted in decreases in pro-inflammatory gene expression. The participants also had more positive expectations regarding ageing in the physical health domain. Better psychological and social adaptation. The same study also found that increased generativity resulted in greater participation in social activities and decreases in psychological distress. Higher life satisfaction and subjective well-being. Research consistently confirms that generativity results in a greater sense of well-being and satisfaction with life. Healthier coping with chronic stress. A study that looked into parents who have a child with a developmental problem or mental disorder revealed that generativity helped buffer the toll such a challenging situation may take on a person. How to increase your sense of generativity According to a recent study, some individuals are more predisposed to generativity because of their personality traits. Such people are those who are organised, persistent, motivated and with interest and agreeableness toward others. However, generativity vs stagnation is a phase everyone can find themselves at some point in their lives — and everyone can resolve successfully. Here are some practical ideas on ways to boost generativity and avoid stagnation. 1. Find your path to mentoring Although parenting is the most common path to generativity, it is not the only one. Whether you are a parent or not, you can always mentor the next generation. Think of your unique way to transfer your knowledge and experiences. You could teach, coach, write, or simply be the confidant for the children and youth in your neighbourhood. There are many health benefits to generativity shutterstock/Monkey Business Images 2. Volunteer Volunteering will help you make a difference in someone’s life, your local community, or even the world (why not?). As I can testify, being a volunteer is a sure way to be productive, grateful, humble, and gain perspective and a sense of purpose. There are myriad ways to contribute. Choose a cause — environment, equity, well-being, health, education — and explore the organisations that could help you start making a change. RELATED: Why is volunteering important? 3. Participate in your community Generativity is about abandoning yourself as the centre of your efforts. Seek ways to be a productive member of your community by finding ways to resolve an issue, connecting to and listening to others, or finding a group you can support online. For example, are there enough playgrounds in your neighbourhood? Is there vandalism or littering? Or, did you go through some harrowing experience, and you could help others overcome it with your advice? 4. Learn and share Learning new skills can give you the extra push you need when you are trying to tackle generativity vs stagnation. By gaining new knowledge, you broaden your impact. I, for example, have been sharing my knowledge as a psychologist for many years now. However, I have not felt ready to become a psychotherapist until recently. I consider it an ultimately responsible role only someone with extensive experience and internal coherence can assume. However, having resolved the previous developmental stages now, I believe it is time to start psychotherapy training. “Developing generativity in middle adulthood can have positive outcomes at this or the next stages of your life. You are not only contributing to the world — you are also setting the stage for healthy and satisfying ageing.” Once you decide what new skill you will embark on gaining, there is one more essential step. Make sure you share those skills and your new capabilities with others to resolve the generativity stage with great success. Remember, it is about giving back. 5. Dedicate your energy to your passions A truly fulfilling way to reach generativity is to start a passion project. When you are passionate about what you do, be it a side-business, art, or a cause, you radiate purpose. This is a contribution that, shared with others, truly makes an impact on the world. So, think of the activities that put you in a state of flow. Could you start writing and share your insights with others? Maybe you are interested in yoga and meditation, so you could become an instructor? Were you always passionate about touching others with art? Takeaway: ride the wave The generativity vs stagnation phase may be the most productive one of your life. It's at this point that you start to create your legacy. The conflicts and turmoil of the previous stages of your development subsided. Now, in a way, you employ everything you have gained in terms of your psychological toolbox. Your skills, experiences, knowledge, strength, how you overcome hurt, the identity you worked so hard to establish — all this gets put to use. So, ride the wave. Do not stagnate. Create. Generate. Nurture. Care. • happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ sharing and supporting others in our happiness forum ■ developing with free online classes in our Academy Resilience | Authenticity | Courage Written by Stanislava Puač Jovanović Stanislava Puač Jovanović has a master’s degree in psychology and works as a freelance writer and researcher in this area. Her primary focus is on questions relating to mental health, stress-management, self-development and well-being.

Could you be stuck in the happiness trap? Trying to pursue joy at all times? If so, it's time to stop. From practising gratitude to reaffirming your values, these five science-backed tips from Ed Gould will help you to become satisfied with how your life already is. Accepting that you feel happy enough, as opposed to constantly pursuing an idea of what happiness might be, is the route many now choose to discover greater well-being. Indeed, this is the key idea behind escaping the so-called 'happiness trap'. Remember that old REM hit, Shiny Happy People? In it, the lyrics encouraged you to put “it in your heart” where “tomorrow” and “gold and silver shine”. OK, let's not set too much store by a pop song, but it illustrates something important about modern culture: happiness seems to be shiny, attractive and – like gold and silver – material. Now, a jangly pop anthem may not be the best route to understanding what happiness is, but it does suggest the way many people still think about it. However, the pursuit of happiness can often lead us in the wrong direction. This is what today's psychologists refer to as the happiness trap. Let's have a look at what it is exactly, how you can identify the extent to which you might have fallen into it and – perhaps most importantly of all – the five main ways you can escape the happiness trap. The misguided pursuit of happiness According to Greek philosopher Aristotle, happiness involves activity and exhibiting virtue, but the word he chose to describe it was 'eudaimonia'. Often translated as 'happiness', this term is probably better described as 'human flourishing'. We seem quite removed from that sentiment when you consider how contemporary mass culture depicts happiness. Think of all the happy messages the mainstream media bombards us with to begin with. Indeed, ask yourself how many times a day that you might hear that you can be happy – will be happy, even – if only you choose these clothes, that form of transportation or those beauty products. Don't shop 'til your drop: escape the consumerism happiness trap There again, the pursuit of happiness might be marketed as being concurrent with the pursuit of other goals. For example, you may have heard you'll be happy if you pursue your youth – with an anti-wrinkle cream, of course. Or that you'll be happy if you pursue greater wealth by choosing one investment product over another. However, eudaimonia has little to do with any of that. Over the ages, spiritual leaders such as the Dalai Lama have taught us to abandon the relationship between happiness and material wealth. Bear in mind that it's not so much that increased material wealth won't bring you some sort of happiness or temporary life improvement, rather than the detriment it can cause to your perception of happiness. “Escape the happiness trap by setting aside time to recall moments of gratitude. Keep an eye on what really contributes to your happiness.” And although the current generation of Westerners are, by and large, richer than ever before, the variation of how people perceive their level of happiness is still high, to say the least. The happiness trap: what is it exactly? Feeling unhappy or sad is perfectly natural and we all go through ups and downs with our mental health from time to time. However, a general malaise in your sense of happiness may reveal that you are, indeed, stuck in the happiness trap. Furthermore, if you think your personal happiness ties in with the images you might see on TV or in lifestyle magazines, then that's another sure sign. Equally, if you're constantly comparing the level of happiness you feel with that which you perceive in your friends, family, neighbours and colleagues – known as 'keeping up with the Joneses' – then this may also indicate your entrapment of a false perception of happiness. Escaping the happiness trap: 5 strategies Identifying and accepting the state of being happy enough is the key to escaping the happiness trap. If you feel happy enough, then you won't feel the need to carry on pursuing the false idols of materialism. However, deciding to feel happy enough may be easier said than done given our materialistic culture. Indeed, a 2003 psychological study by Schooler, Airey and Loewenstein suggested that pursuing happiness as a goal was doomed to failure anyway. RELATED: Money can't buy happiness (except when you spend it like this) Thankfully, Professor Sonja Lyubomirsky and others offer some useful cognitive and behavioural tips that offer you the best chance of avoiding that empty sensation of not feeling happy enough. So, here are five key techniques you can employ to help you escape the happiness trap. 1. Positive mentality strategies Writing can have a beneficial effect on the way we think about a range of circumstances, including the way we feel about happiness. However, it's not the only positive mental strategy that you can use in a self-regulatory manner. Positive thinking about oneself can come in other reflective forms. Take a look back through old photos of heart-warming and cheerful life events. Or you might prefer to talk about your happiest and unhappiest moments in life with a loved one. RELATED: Future self journaling Another possibility is to have a discussion about your life goals for the future with your partner or a trusted friend. By focusing positivity in this way, you naturally engage less with shorter term aspirations and material objectives. Escape the happiness trap with family time shutterstock/Monkey Business Images 2. Set aside time for gratitude With so much that contributes to modern life pointing you towards the happiness trap, it's a good (and simple) idea to set aside time to recall moments of gratitude. By doing this regularly, you're much better positioned to see past the short-term nature of such messages and to keep an eye on what really contributes to your happiness. For instance, keep a gratitude journal where you count your blessings, such as the love of people close to you or your general health. In addition, writing letters of gratitude can help to reorientate your perspective on what really counts. There's something about the mental activity that goes on during the act of writing that helps to rebalance our cognitive processes and application of this can shape your feelings surrounding happiness. RELATED: The attitude of gratitude – 6 reasons how it will change your life 3. Be altruistic Studies have shown that practising altruism can help you to feel more satisfied and enable you to find happiness. Helping you to understand what is good about your life, altruistic acts are also of benefit to their recipient. Simply making the decision to be kinder and more understanding in your everyday interactions is a good first step. Once you start practising altruism regularly, you'll soon start feeling the power of kindness. “The pursuit of happiness can lead us in the wrong direction. This is what today's psychologists refer to as the happiness trap.” You might consider doing something practical, too, such as donating your blood. Or, by routinely committing to random acts of kindness or trying to make a loved one happy, you'll end up feeling more empowered about how happy you feel and less reliant on what other people think about you. The happiness trap: evolution of the human mind © YouTube/Dr. Russ Harris 4. Reaffirmation of your values Refocussing on your most important values is another key step in accepting the level of happiness you feel. Think of it like restating your marriage vows – if you ever made them, that is – as a means of getting back to basics. By reaffirming the true person that you are, it becomes possible to shake off sometimes years of misguided happiness that has become more and more reliant on a false idea of perfection: one that's modelled on an 'ideal' life as depicted in modern culture so much. Take a step back to focus on what makes you tick and reaffirm your commitment to it. 5. Savour every moment of life By taking the time to savour positive experiences in life, rather than rushing on hedonistically to the next chance of happiness, you're more likely to enjoy the moment. Think of a greedy diner who, enjoying their food, gulps it all down rapidly only to feel disappointed quickly afterwards, compared with someone who savours every mouthful. Both will consume the same amount of food but gain very different experiences from their meal. So, take your time and slow down. See the whole picture. Be mindful about everything. Focus on the positivity of any given situation in order to feel happier in yourself. The happiness trap: conclusions Modern life and the pursuit of joy makes it easy for humans to get stuck in the happiness trap. And, in this era of social media, it's harder to escape comparing your life, experiences and possessions with that of your friends or complete strangers. But, by following our tips based around CBT, you can start to reframe your thoughts and activities to become more satisfied with what you have in life, and – more importantly – who you are. ● Main image: shutterstock/Rawpixel.com happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support in our happiness forum ■ self-develop with free online classes in our Academy Coaching | Acceptance | Learning | Self-care Written by Ed Gould Ed Gould is a UK-based journalist and freelance writer. He's also a practitioner of Reiki.

Communication is essential when asking a partner to consider an open relationship says Dee Marques. Preparing for any discussions and clarifying why you want to change the relationship dynamic are just two of the eight steps you need to take before initiating a conversation. Up until relatively recently, there have been established rules about what relationships should look like and these were rarely challenged. But, over time, there has been a change in perception, as it becomes obvious that there’s no one single best way of being in a relationship, since this it is a very personal aspect of our lives. The figures speak in favour of this change in attitudes and perceptions. For example, four per cent of adults in the US and Canada admit to being in open relationships, and this arrangement is especially popular among Millennials and Gen Z. A UK survey shows a similar percentage of people who have been in an open relationship, plus a further 12 per cent who said they would be willing to give it a go. Of course, since this is a consensual decision, it needs to be discussed with your partner – unless an open relationship has been on the cards from the start. Asking for an open relationship may feel intimidating, so here’s a guide for people looking to talk to their partner about considering having one. What is an open relationship? There’s no standard definition of an open relationship, although for most people it means being in a non-exclusive relationship or practising consensual non-monogamy. What varies is the type of involvement the partners have with others outside of the primary relationship. This could be an intellectual, emotional or sexual attachment to someone other than your partner – and it could be sporadic or more or less ongoing. Are these relationships healthy? It depends on how well they meet the needs of everyone involved. As a psychology researcher said, it’s common to see open relationships in black and white and to assume they will either automatically ruin what you have with your partner, or they will fix all of your problems. Communication is key in open relationships But this view is too extreme. In some cases, an open relationship will improve satisfaction levels for both partners, as shown by a survey of 1,000 people who were in non-monogamous relationships. In other cases, open relationships just don’t work, for various reasons. Sometimes, this is due to misunderstandings that could have been avoided if the boundaries were discussed fully. So, if exploring non-monogamy is important to you, you’ll want to know the steps to follow and things to consider when asking for an open relationship. Asking for an open relationship: 8 steps Here are eight things to consider before asking to open up any relationship: 1. Know what to expect The first thing you need to know when talking about an open relationship is that it may take time to come to an agreement. Since this is an important decision, your partner may want to consider all aspects involved or have some time alone to think about it. So, don’t expect it to be something that gets settled after the first conversation. In most cases, couples need time and multiple chats before deciding to go for an open relationship. 2. Examine your own needs Before asking for an open relationship, it’s worth thinking about what your own motives truly are. Why exactly do you want to pursue a non-monogamous relationship? What do you think it will contribute to your existing relationship? Why is this important to you? Knowing your deep motivations is important, since asking for an open relationship is not easy and you want to be as articulate as possible. Indeed, you want to be crystal clear in your mind about what exactly you want and why, so you can express it to your partner in the best possible way. 3. How strong is your relationship? Despite what many people think, open relationships are not a magical fix – and they’re not a “soft” break up either. In fact, if you and your partner are going through a rough patch, talking about an open relationship can make things worse. This is why it’s important to have the right motives (other than resentment or boredom) and to only ask for an open relationship if you’re confident that your bond is strong. 4. Start with a general discussion Remember how I said it may take several conversations until your partner and you come to an agreement? Well, it can also take a few conversations until you feel it’s the right time to be asking for an open relationship. “Before asking for an open relationship, it’s worth thinking about what your motives truly are. Why exactly do you want to pursue a non-monogamous relationship? What do you think it will contribute to your existing relationship?” To start off, you may want to gauge how your partner feels about non-monogamous relationships in general, before asking if they’re willing to be part of one. Keep the questions general and exploratory, along the lines of “What do you think about…?” so that the conversation doesn’t feel threatening. This gives you a better idea if they are receptive to the idea of an open relationship. 5. Highlight the positive Asking for an open relationship could be interpreted as you suggesting that something is missing between you and your partner. This may be the case, but you want to avoid upsetting your partner and the best way is to also highlight all the positives in your relationship. In the initial conversation, be specific about what you appreciate most about your partner, how much you value your relationship, and why this matters. Do your honest best to reassure and be appreciative of them, so the conversation always stays respectful. 6. Prepare what you’re going to say Some people will feel insecure when asked about an open relationship, and others may be willing to explore it, but only under certain conditions. Think about what your partner said about consensual non-monogamy when you had a general chat about it to determine where are the main barriers. Based on that, you can think about how to start the conversation in a way that addresses those barriers and reassures your partner of your feelings for them. It may help to write it down, then put it aside for a day or so and look at it with fresh eyes to see if this is the right approach. Prepare first before discussing an open relationship shutterstock/GaudiLab One word of caution: beware of the language you use when asking for an open relationship. Words like “polyamory” or “consensual non-monogamy” can mean different things to different people. In conversations like this, you want fluid communication that doesn’t lead to misunderstandings, so it’s best if you explain what you want and why, rather than give it a label that can be misinterpreted. 7. Don’t make accusations Chances are your partner will want to know your rationale for wanting to be in an open relationship. This is why point #2 is useful, since knowing your deep motivations helps formulate your needs without making them sound as an accusation. Stay away from “you” sentences and keep it to “I” or “us”. For example, instead of saying “sometimes you’re a bit possessive”, say “I’d like to have more freedom in this relationship”. 8. Agree on the do’s and don’ts Making important changes to a relationship isn’t easy, so it’s best to have an honest conversation and anticipate how you will deal with any problems that may come up. What will be the do’s and don’ts of your open relationship? Does your partner agree? What will you do if you upset them, or if they upset you? In other words, how will you handle the learning curve? What to do if you disagree But what if you start talking about an open relationship and your partner says they’re not ready? First of all, you’ll want to make a difference between a definite “no” and “I’m not ready” or “I don’t think it’s a good idea”. If your partner is not against open relationships but doesn’t want to be in one right now, you can suggest that they start seeing other people when they feel ready. Sometimes, this can alleviate fears and make them feel more in control of the relationship, instead of feeling forced into an arrangement they’re not 100 per cent convinced about. “Asking for an open relationship could be interpreted as you suggesting that something is missing between you and your partner. You want to avoid upsetting them – the best way is to also highlight all the positives in your relationship.” The key is trying to reach a compromise where the needs of both parties are honoured. Open relationships can take many forms, so it’s worth discussing all of them to see if any suits your current relationship. Unfortunately, in some cases asking for an open relationship will lead to the realisation that your partner and you are incompatible in this respect. If they’re totally against it and this is something you truly need, you’ll have to have a frank conversation about the future of the relationship. The takeaway Talking about an open relationship with your partner can be intimidating, so it’s important to plan this conversation in advance. Before you talk to your partner, make sure you’re clear about your motives and needs. Always be appreciative of your relationship and the person you’re with, and give them time to make their decision. And if the outcome isn’t what you expected, remember that respect and honesty are always the best policy. • Main image: shutterstock/Monkey Business Images happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Join free now and: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine ■ share and support in our happiness forum ■ Develop with free online Academy classes Deep listening | Courage | Empathy | Rejection Written by Dee Marques A social sciences graduate with a keen interest in languages, communication, and personal development strategies. Dee loves exercising, being out in nature, and discovering warm and sunny places where she can escape the winter.

Does the freedom to disregard the conventional relationship norms and craft relationships on one’s own terms result in increased happiness? Sonia Vadlamani explains what relationship anarchy entails, and how its tenets may help people be happier in their relationships. It is safe to say that most of us have heard of polyamory, and some of us even have at least one friend or acquaintance who is in an ‘open relationship’. Indeed, we’re witnessing the rise of ethical non-monogamy, as multi-partner relationships are finding their way into the mainstream in the form of polyamory, open relationships, relationship anarchy, etc. Despite these changes, a monogamous relationship is still the most common relationship model, in addition to being the one with highest societal recognition as well. However, today we find more and more people abandoning the conventional relationship structure of monogamy to embrace more open relationship models. A 2017 survey conducted on a representative sample of 2003 Canadian adults revealed that one in five adults had engaged in an open relationship at some point. And a 2020 poll found that around one third of Americans consider their ideal relationship to be non-monogamous to some degree. The traditional relationship hierarchy prioritizes family the most, which includes the family of origin (i.e., parents, siblings etc.) and forming family systems with spouse or romantic partner and children. While some of the forms of ethical non-monogamy or ENM still involve certain structures or prioritized partners, relationship anarchy (RA) disregards the conventional hierarchies altogether, thus relinquishing any imposed expectations. RELATED: Why is family important? Amy Gahran, writer and author of Off the Relationship Escalator, describes the societal pressure to adhere to monogamous relationships as a relationship escalator. “My approach to life and love is to have as many strong, healthy connections and interconnections as I can feasibly support,” says Gahran, who portrays parting from the monogamous relationship model as ‘stepping off the relationship escalator’ in order to be able to derive more from one’s relationships. Relationship anarchists believe that love is abundant shutterstock.com/dekazigzag Whether you’re happy in your relationships without hierarchy or are happily monogamous yet enjoy and value intimate friendships in consensus with your partner, aspects of relationship anarchy can potentially transform your relationships for the better. So, what is relationship anarchy exactly? Coined by Swedish feminist Andie Nordgren in 2016, relationship anarchy (RA) assigns no specific importance to one relationship over another, and thus shuns hierarchies created by societal conventions. Relationship anarchists refrain from assigning different values to their relationships as per the prescribed norms. For example, a sexual relationship does not hold necessarily priority over an intimate friendship for those practising relationship anarchy. Instead of attempting to rank and prioritize the people and relationships in one’s life, Nordgren recommends that you “cherish the individual and your connection to them.” Indeed, research reveals that high quality relationships as the key to a good life, and RA can prove to be the chosen medium for forming fulfilling relationships for some. “As long as you are questioning the status quo, examining your values, and communicating your needs, it is possible to build a radical relationship anarchist life,” reasons Dedekar Winston, a relationship coach who also co-hosts the podcast Multiamory. “Relationship anarchy assigns no specific importance to one relationship over another, and thus shuns hierarchies created by societal conventions.” Relationship anarchy is still in its early emergence phase, and overall, there are several loopholes and misconceptions associated with the ENM relationship models. Nevertheless, even as someone happily in a monogamous relationship, I do find we could all learn a great deal from the tenets of RA, so we could devise fulfilling and successful relationships for ourselves. The RA manifesto Nordgren put forth an instructional manifesto for relationship anarchy in 2006, to serve as a guide for those who already are in relationship structure like RA or aspire to be relationship anarchists: 1. Love is abundant, and every relationship is unique RA challenges the belief that love is a limited resource, and valid only when shared between a couple. We are capable of loving different people, and the love shared in one relationship does not automatically challenge or weaken the love we feel in another relationship that we cherish. Relationship anarchy emphasizes on the love and connection experienced between the two (or more) parties in each unique relationship, instead of comparing or ranking different relationships. 2. Love and respect instead of entitlement Relationship anarchy grants autonomy to every individual in a relationship, where boundaries, personal beliefs and values are meant to be respected. Instead of viewing relationships as grounds to control or command others, RA deems mutual respect and healthy boundaries as the foundation for a happy relationship. 3. Find your core set of relationship values Since RA is based on mutual trust and respect for boundaries, it is essential to define your core values to be able to clearly formulate your needs and expectations in all your relationships. Self-reflection can help you determine your boundaries, motivation and fears. Focusing on these core relationship values with assertiveness will can help you cultivate fulfilling relationships. 4. Heterosexism is rampant and out there, but don’t let fear lead you While relationship anarchy does question the normative relationship structures, it is important to remember than heterosexism is still largely prevalent, and continues to dictate what is a moral, correct and acceptable form of love. It is our duty to question and break these conventional gender-based molds and set our own expectations and boundaries for all our relationships. 5. Build for the lovely and unexpected RA emphasizes on the freedom to be spontaneous and express one’s wishes and desires without judgment or the fear of punishment based on ‘should’s and ‘ought-to’s. Indeed, staying curious in life, and introducing some play can improve the quality of relationships and make people happier. 6. Fake it til’ you make it Challenging the conventional relationship structures like monogamy and other heterosexist norms could seem like an uphill task sometimes. Instead of reproaching themselves for choosing relationship anarchy during such adverse times, one needs to push through and stick to the guidelines they defined for their relationships. Seeking support from others who are in norm-challenging relationships can help reinforce your resolve and adapt better. 7. Trust is better It is normal for trust issues to crop up sometimes in relationships, but we can avoid taking a skeptical approach and try dealing with the same through positive communication and persistence. Choose to trust that your partner wants the best outcomes for you in the same way that you wish for them. Cultivate a supportive environment where it is possible to overcome fear of abandonment and other validation-seeking behaviors, with an aim to develop a more secure attachment style. Cultivating trust is essential in relationship anarchy 8. Change through communication It is ideal to find realistic and healthy ways to answer issues which may sometimes occur in your relationship, like jealousy or emotional dependency. Communication could be the key, and thus an objective and non-judgmental discussion about the underlying issues or feelings can go a long way to strengthen the relationship. 9. Customize your commitments As Nordgren puts it, RA “is not about never committing to anything – it’s about designing your own commitments with the people around you”. Whether you wish to raise children, grow old together or enter into a marriage, relationship anarchy offers freedom to define your core values, needs and expectations and match the same with your partner so that you can construct and lead a content and meaningful life together. Is RA the same as polyamory? Also a form of ENM, polyamory refers to relationships wherein people consent to have more than one romantic or sexual partner at a given time. Informed consent is differentiating factor here, as its absence would deem it ‘cheating’ or unethical non-monogamy. However, polyamory is not synonymous with relationship anarchy. While people in polyamorous relationships do prioritize some relationships over another, RA aims to entirely dismiss pre-defined boundaries and hierarchies, while offering full freedom to the partners in the relationships to customize and communicate their own boundaries and prioritize all relationships alike. “Relationship anarchists refrain from assigning different values to their relationships as per the prescribed norms.” Interestingly, monogamous couple can decide to be relationship anarchists as well, by deciding to not abandon their friendships and other platonic associations that they value. As Winston puts it, one can be “sexually or emotionally monogamous with a particular person and still be a practicing relationship anarchist”. Of course, determining their core values and communicating the same to their partner is key for any fulfilling relationship. Takeaway: relationship anarchy While it’s mistakenly thought of as a reckless indulgence, or sometimes branded as the unwillingness to commit to a relationship, relationship anarchy can be best defined as a conscious, self-led approach towards what you and your partner(s) seek from a relationship. Indeed, designing your relationships as per your needs and expectations instead of societal pressure can entail a great deal of effort, maturity and trust. Relationship anarchy relies strongly on understanding oneself deeply, listening mindfully with empathy, and the ability to communicate one’s needs clearly. But then, so do most successful relationships, regardless of the relationship structure they may be based on. • Main image: shutterstock.com/Carlos Olivera Does relationship anarchy appeal to you or it something you would never consider? Share your thoughts in the comments below! Subject got you interested? Then chat with other members in our relationships forum. happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Join free now and: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine ■ share and support in our happiness forum ■ Develop with free online Academy classes Trust | Deep listening | Empathy | Communication skills Written by Sonia Vadlamani Fitness and healthy food blogger, food photographer and stylist, travel-addict and future self journaler. Sonia loves to write and has resolved to dedicate her life to revealing how easy and important it is to be happier, stronger and fitter each day. Follow her daily pursuits at FitFoodieDiary or on Instagram.