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From kundalini to loving-kindness, meditation styles can be very personal. Ed Gould looks at seven factors such as duration, location and frequency of meditation, which may affect your personal practice, to help you choose the right meditation type for you. Discovering a personal meditation style might take a while, but the benefits are definitely worth it. Indeed, developing one's personal meditation style rarely comes immediately. Even Buddha, by all accounts a naturally gifted meditator, needed time to develop his technique. In this article, we'll discuss what influences there are on our meditation practice. We'll also discuss what techniques we can use to enhance individual practices while diminishing those things which detract us. Remember that meditation is a transformative practice – one that affects our brains and consciousness – and it's best to view it as a process rather than a goal in its own right. At its best, the benefits of meditation can be seen in areas such as concentration, finding clarity and improving emotional well-being. Therefore, finding the meditative route that suits you best is generally quite rewarding. To begin with, let's examine the things that influence our abilities when developing our own personal meditation style. Factors that influence personal meditation styles Most of us, if we're honest about it, have plenty of things that influence our personal meditation style. Bear in mind that these can carry both positive and negative influences. Few of us have lives which allow us, for example, to get into a meditative state at the drop of a hat. Each of these fields of influence makes us the sort of practitioner that we are. Fresh and free: perhaps meditation in nature is your preferred style? When you're seeking a meditation style that will suit your development, lifestyle and personality best, then it's likely you will need to experiment a little. When doing so, try not to think of there being either a right or a wrong way of doing things. What you should remember, however, is that influences have an impact on you and they will ultimately affect your chosen approach to meditation. 1. Types of meditation There are many different meditation styles which you might choose to practise. And although experts may recommend one method over another, you'll find one or more that can work particularly well for your process. Conversely, certain meditative styles may not suit you or, more correctly, suit your personal approach to meditation. Many times, beginners start with guided meditation, usually based on a visual narrative. RELATED: Meditation for beginners: our Top 6 videos Kundalini and heart-rhythm meditation are both popular styles. Zazen meditation is also quite common – a Zen approach which is self-guided. A high-level form of meditation known as transcendental meditation is also popular. Each style will have an impact on how you go about meditation and it's quite common to experiment with differing approaches. 2. Length of meditation time According to Hooria Jazaieri, a researcher, teacher and psychotherapist at UC Berkeley, the length of time you meditate will impact on how successful it will be for the individual. She asserts that 10-15 minutes of mindfulness and compassion-based meditation is the right length of time for her style. Research published into how long it took smokers to reduce their intake following meditation sessions found that a mere five hours' worth over a two-week period was enough in the majority of cases. “When you're seeking a meditation style that will suit your development, lifestyle and personality best, then it's likely you will need to experiment a little.” Y.Y. Tang, et al. showed that even brief meditation training improved their group's capacity for self-control and lessened their smoking. If you're still unsure as to whether the time you spend meditating has an impact, then consider another study first published in the Journal of Psychiatry Research. The study claims that the density of brain matter in areas associated with memory, stress and empathy can increase following regular 30-minute meditation sessions. 3. Frequency of meditation Of course, you should also take into account the length of time you meditate for in the context of how frequently you do it. For some, 10 minutes a day is enough and it becomes part of a personal, daily routine. Perhaps longer periods are required if you're less frequent with your sessions. In fact, there are studies to back this simple idea up. They show that the sample groups that get the most out of meditation are the ones who do it most frequently. A notable example of this sort of research into frequency is one published in the Journal of Positive Psychology following work conducted at Stanford University. Power of one: some people prefer solo meditation, others group 4. Qualitative considerations Not all meditation sessions can be described as great successes. Sometimes the quality of the meditation session we have gone through can be stunning and sometimes less so. Usually, there's an outside influence on us which has an impact on the quality of the meditation. You can become distracted by noise or visual stimuli. Perhaps you started to meditate too soon after being busy with something else. It's also possible you so desired a successful meditation that you couldn't clear your mind as you would have liked. “Being in a place that you're comfortable in and that's distraction free is an obvious choice for developing your personal meditation style.” As creatures of habit, humans like to repeat what they've deemed to be 'successful'. But the truth is that it's not always possible to do this with meditation. Acceptance of the 'outcome' of a meditation session is a big part of whether it has been successful or not. Furthermore, no single meditation session should come into judgement based on its own merits. Each one progresses to the next and builds on the previous. So over-scrutiny of qualitative factors may be a detrimental consideration on its own. 5. Meditation settings Being in a place that you're comfortable in and that's distraction-free is an obvious choice for developing your personal meditation style. The ability to cut out 'mental noise' is often very conducive to meditation. However, you should also consider that busy places can also be fine for meditatively-minded people. In fact, meditation in schools – not places you might traditionally associate with calmness – has had good results. Try multiple settings to find which place suits your preferred personal meditation style. Remember that a setting is not necessarily a physical location, such as being at home. It might relate to other factors, like the presence of others. Another consideration would be to have a dedicated spot or a useful place which also serves other purposes. 6. Reflection and feedback Reflection is the key to understanding your own style. It's perhaps unrealistic to immediately know what has made a difference to your meditation right after completing a session. Therefore, keeping a journal of your reflections about your meditation sessions can be invaluable. Perhaps you feel the same after a session as you did before, but cannot say why. Journaling is the ideal method to use in order to work out what similarities of technique, setting and qualitative considerations there are in common between meditations. Write it out: journaling your meditation has benefits Unlike journaling, modern neurofeedback devices provide actual quantitative measurements of brain activity during meditation, and this can be very telling if you're looking for some hard data to work with. According to Tracy Brandmeyer of the Centre for Brain Research and Cognition at Paul Sabatier University in Toulouse, neurofeedback is an aid to meditation which offers the opportunity to use mobile technology in ways that assist all sorts of people. RELATED: Gratitude meditation: the top 5 benefits and how to practise it If you meditate in a group or with a mentor, feedback sessions are also a beneficial option. Members of the group or your mentors can discuss what influences your meditation has. They can also help clarify what may work better for you and what might not. 7. Self-optimization and mindfulness Making meditation a kind of target to be achieved runs contrary to many of the principles it's supposed to engender when practised. Indeed, developing a personal meditation style as a self-optimization goal is the very opposite of self-compassion. As such, striving for it can be counter productive. On the other hand, if you develop your own style along the way to a wider set of meditative purposes, then you may find more success. Focussing on short-term aspirations about your personal meditation style can also have adverse outcomes. If you have a fragile mental state or are suffering from trauma, then being overly determined to develop your own style may not be the correct path to take. Research conducted by Willoughby Britton at Brown University has already indicated that meditation can have a negative effect on certain people. Remain mindful of what the purpose of meditation is and remember that it's a progression, not an ambition. Personal meditation types: conclusions No two people are the same, so no two approaches to meditation will yield the same results. For many people, reflecting on the way they're going about meditating by journaling is beneficial, as is trying new approaches that will help to find a suitably accessible style. Consider all of the options available to you and don't be put off experimenting a little with your chosen personal meditation practice! ● Main photo: Colorbox.com Enjoyed this and want to discuss meditation styles with other happiness.com members? Head over to our forum on mindfulness and mediation and join in with the conversation... Written by Ed Gould Ed Gould is a UK-based journalist and freelance writer. He's a practitioner of Reiki.

Retirement should be a time for seniors to relax and enjoy themselves, but all too often stress and isolation get in the way. Own very own senior, Marilyn Coates-Lower, says keeping your mind and body active is key to a healthy retirement. As we age, some of us may find that life becomes more stressful rather than easier. As retirement grows nearer, we look forward to the changes that this will bring, often planning to do the many things that we never had time for during our busy working lives. However, ensuring you have a happy and healthy retirement isn't always straightforward. Indeed, according to Patrick J. Skerrett, Former Executive Editor of Harvard Health: “If we're not careful, retirement can bring about many health problems rather than contentment, and that we should look upon it as a ‘process rather than an event.'” Planning a healthy retirement Some of us will have planned carefully for when we retire and will remain financially secure, while others will suddenly face a huge drop in income. Naturally, this can limit what we can achieve. According to research carried out by Dr George E. Vaillant, professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, there are several ways in which retired seniors – even those 80+ – can remain happy and healthy, attaining a rewarding lifestyle that doesn't require a high income level. These ways include: Making new friends When retiring from work, you may leave many of your friends behind, but building a new social network of like-minded, similarly aged people will prove to be good for both your physical and mental health. Joining clubs There are so many to choose from, including sports such as golf, swimming and tennis, ballroom dancing, walking and bridge. They will not only get you out of the house but also provide the opportunity to make new friends. Keeping your mind and body active Why not take up a new hobby, something you've always wanted to do? Gardening is a great work out and has many mental health benefits, too. Or you could learn a new language or take a new course, or maybe discover the healing power of pets. A dog will not only be a great companion but will also get you out walking and meeting people. All of these suggestions are not only enjoyable but also provide excellent stress relief, which will keep body and soul together and make for a happier and healthier retirement. We should make the most of every moment because, as this quote from Ausonius attains: “Let us never know what old age is. Let us know the happiness time brings, not count the years.” Indeed, every day is precious, and a happy and healthy retirement can be found in something as simple as journaling or talking to a friend. Flower power: gardening can lead to a healthier retirement Stress and how it affects senior health A handy factsheet produced by the American Psychological Association (APA) Office on Ageing and Committee on Ageing suggests that, if we're not careful, stress can affect us badly as we age – lowering the chance of a healthy retirement. The APA say that one of the simplest ways to remain healthy is to eat nourishing food – helping seniors to maintain a reasonable weight – and to take regular exercise. The APA explain that stress is being caused by our bodies responding to danger, releasing hormones into the bloodstream, which speed up the heart and increase the pulse rate: the ‘stress response’. They go on to explain that research has shown that too much stress will impair the immune system, decreasing our ability to fight off disease and mental health problems. It offers several stress relief tips for retiring seniors, including: Staying positive Avoid negative talk such as, “I’m too old”, or, “I can't do it anymore”. This type of talk will not help, and, while you may feel that doing nothing is your solution: think about what you can do instead. Staying focused Never feel helpless because, no matter how difficult something might seem, there's always a solution. Each problem is a test or challenge that will keep your mind active as you consider your options. Meditation Relaxation techniques, meditation and especially MBSR (meditation based stress reduction) have been developed to deal with stress based on techniques that have been around for centuries. According to Melissa Conrad Stöppler, MD, just ten minutes a day can help to control stress, reduce anxiety and contribute to improving cardiovascular health, which, in consequence, will make you healthier during your retirement years. Dr Stöppler goes on to say that meditative techniques were first pioneered in America during the 1970s by Harvard physician Herbert Benson. It has since gained acceptance worldwide, by both doctors and therapists, to be a valuable complementary therapy for symptom relief of many different illnesses. “When it comes to a happy and healthy retirement, here are several ways in which retired seniors can remain happy and healthy, with a rewarding lifestyle that does not require a high level of income.” Dr Stöppler states: “No matter how the relaxation state is achieved, the physical and emotional consequences of stress can be reduced through regular practice.” Stress relief, in this form, can also lead to happiness and inner peace. For a first glance at stress relieving meditation practices, try 'Mindfulness daily', an easy-to-follow course developed by Tara Brach and Jack Kornfield. Meditation and yoga can lower blood pressure and stress in seniors A happy and healthy retirement Every one of us will see retirement differently; how we use all this extra time that we suddenly have on our hands depends very much on individual circumstances according to Harvard Health Publications. They explain that, if your job has been tiring, boring or unrewarding, then retirement will come as a great relief. Whereas, those of us that have thoroughly enjoyed our work and thrived on the structured lifestyle will see retirement in an entirely different way; this in itself will require you to work harder to ensure you have a happy and healthy retirement. A couple who are happily married, or in a long-standing relationship, are far more likely to enjoy their retirement than someone whose home life is unstable. Healthy retirees will be looking forward to an active and rewarding time, whereas, those who are in bad health will not have this option. Whichever category you fit into, still keep as active as possible and keep your mind and body busy. Senior stress relief: seeking help One of the biggest stress relief tips offered by the fact sheet produced by the APA is to seek help before everything gets on top of you. Of course, when we talk about a healthy retirement, we are also referring to optimal mental health as a senior. Here are three ideas for achieving this: CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) This will explore and help to discover the underlying reasons for stress and contributes to change negative thoughts into positive ones. Supportive therapy Often a non-judgmental ear can help to justify why feelings of anxiety exist and to offer stress relief tips to introduce a more positive way of thinking. Relaxation training Related to meditation, it also includes education about stress and tension and how to achieve muscle relaxation. Fitness and friends: two great ways to stay healthy during retirement Stress relief: what you can do Dr Dossett recommends talking to loved ones or close friends, as well as visiting your doctor. Talking about problems that are stressing you can sometimes lead to a solution, but, healthwise, as Dr Dossett explains, your doctor will be able to check your blood pressure and recommend a healthy lifestyle change, particularly with diet; anti-depressants are also an option for the severely distressed. “Every one of us will see retirement differently; how we use this extra time that we suddenly have depends very much on individual circumstances.” He also states that one of the best stress relief tips is to focus on triggering exactly the opposite of the stress response – the relaxation response – through, as previously mentioned, MBSR, meditation or tai chi, yoga and deep breathing exercises. All of these will lower oxygen consumption and the heart and breathing rate, so reducing blood pressure and stress hormones, helping to maintain a much more positive outlook on life. As American actress Valerie Bertinelli so aptly said: “Happiness is a choice. You can choose to be happy. There's going to be stress in life, but it's your choice whether you let it affect you or not.” Indeed, seniors can and will face issues around loneliness, health and potential cognitive impairment, but staying optimistic is essential. By trying out these stress relief tips for seniors, you can increase your chances of a happy and healthy retirement. Enjoy it – you deserve it! ● Main image: shutterstock/rawpixel.com Written by Marilyn Coates-Lower I am a free spirit who wakes up with a smile every morning. My life has been an adventure and, although now officially retired, I continue to work as a writer and proofreader. I live in a stunning part of Brittany, France together with my horse and cat, enjoying views of the woods that surround my house and across the valley to the village. By way of my experiences, I hope to inspire people, through my writing, to become more positive, happy and forward-thinking.

The structure of work means we learn, ask and (hopefully) improve. But no one teaches us these things when it comes to partnerships. Let's take a look at how we can improve our relationships through our work: it turns out that love is a skill that needs to be learned. The motivation required in our jobs is useful in improving our relationships, as we all yearn for appreciation. That's according to Tony Schwartz, president and CEO of The Energy Project and author of Be Excellent at Anything. Whether this is a simple ‘well done’ or high praise and encouragement, Mr Schwartz quotes researcher Marcial Losada. He discovered that, amongst high-performing work teams, encouragement such as positive feedback outweighed negative by a ratio of 5.6 to 1. This is a lesson that can be taken forward into our intimate relationships, as love is a skill that helps us to learn how to interact, just as we do at work. The ratio of positive to negative interactions needs to stay above 5 to 1 according to John Gottman's research. And, according to the video below, we all have very similar thoughts and expectations about romantic love; we learn it from a very young age, not just from our parents, but also from songs and films. It's something that we continually strive for. Work, in comparison, is often a chore – boring, yet necessary to pay the bills – however, because of the routine involved, it's often considered to be less taxing than maintaining personal relationships. .embed-container { position: relative; padding-bottom: 56.25%; height: 0; overflow: hidden; max-width: 100%; } .embed-container iframe, .embed-container object, .embed-container embed { position: absolute; top: 0; left: 0; width: 100%; height: 100%; } Why love is more difficult than work Our jobs are (usually) set out for us in so far as we arrive, carry out our work, and then return home. If we need training, it's provided, if we do something wrong, we are corrected, and when we do something well, we are praised, which increases our feeling of happiness. The video goes on to say that, while at work, we can’t be ourselves, just as our colleagues may put on a persona, and this is a lot simpler than having to be honest, as we need to be with our partners. RELATED: How to show compassion at work When we begin a new job we are shown the ropes: we are sent on training programmes and given manuals to read. Romantic love is a skill which does not have these advantages. Even though some expect that intimate bond of magically knowing what the other is thinking. This can often turn romantic relationships sour as it leads to a lack of conversation and therefore more misunderstandings. Happy days: improve your relationship through your work Weekends often present a problem because, when Friday evening arrives and the working week is over, we must return to our home life. Perhaps it has been a stressful week, especially, as our job might be one of great responsibility. However, often that seems much easier than spending a whole weekend together with our partner. “When we begin a new job we are shown the ropes. Romantic love is a skill which does not have these advantages.” The sexual side can be trying, especially in a long-term relationship, and having to fit into a non-structured environment is often more complicated: our expectations are high, yet without the feedback sessions, insights and training manuals that come with our job, they are harder to achieve. Sometimes, Monday mornings can come as a relief, as it means returning to our structured work life. Improving our relationships: how work ethics can help Employers understand that people are unable to grow and absorb new ideas if they're feeling humiliated or threatened. The best way for them to incorporate information is when work reviews are done with tact; for example, one criticism should be encased in a minimum of seven compliments. At home, we try to improve relationships with our partners, to create more happiness, but seem to lack the ability to teach and learn what the other wants, mainly because it has never been adequately explained. Slamming doors and calling each other names achieves nothing – love is a skill which must be learned. Life's a ball: relationship bliss, the ultimate goal Furthermore, we're much more willing to accept advice or criticism from our boss than from our partner because trying to teach our lover contravenes our image of romantic love. We feel that we should be loved for who we are, through good and bad times and, we feel that happiness and romantic love has nothing to do with education, and so any form of criticism is taken as nastiness, rather than only as healthy behaviour to improve relationships. We rely less on our work than we do on the stability of our home life, especially when children and a mortgage are involved, however, the more we depend on our lover, the more alarming any disappointments become and the further we stray from happiness. What is romanticism and how does it affect our idea of love? According to a talk by philosopher Alain de Botton (video below), romanticism has ruined romance and our conception of romantic love. He challenges the survival of long-term relationships in this world where the culture holds unrealistic ideas of love. The Romantics were late-18th century poets who believed in the concept of soulmates, and that romantic love was our birthright, leading to a partner with whom we would happily spend the rest of our lives not having to discuss or argue, because we would understand each other without words. .embed-container { position: relative; padding-bottom: 56.25%; height: 0; overflow: hidden; max-width: 100%; } .embed-container iframe, .embed-container object, .embed-container embed { position: absolute; top: 0; left: 0; width: 100%; height: 100%; } YouTube/The School of Life However, this wasn't the case in the 18th century and it isn't now. Unfortunately those ideas are now deeply engrained in our culture. All other skills we must learn, but love and relationships will magically work if we find the right person. Centuries later, we're still searching for this romanticised form of love to alleviate our anxieties, have someone to share secrets with and to consistently have earth-shattering sex for ever more! We still believe that we can only fulfill our real potential, achieve ultimate happiness and become whole by being one of two. “Love is a skill that is all about learning, over time, about how to be compatible and to help each other to develop and grow.” The Ancient Greeks, Alain de Botton concludes, were nearer the mark when they described a loving relationship as being that of teacher and student, much as we find in the workplace. Love is a skill that is all about learning, over time, about how to be compatible and to help each other to develop and grow. He argues that love is about patience and having the ability to ask questions, such as, “What are the underlying issues of the day that are making this person feel and behave the way they do?" Improving our relationships through hard work Compare this with the simplicity of tools and apps at work that can deliver lots of things we want on demand, making our lives so much easier. Dr Gary Chapman writes that to improve relationships; we need praise and encouragement to maximise our motivation; the same is true both in the workplace and the home. RELATED: The four key factors for a happy sex life The concept of romantic love, leading to improved relationships is enshrined in understanding how others think and relate to each other. There is no manual to follow, only our desire to learn how to improve relationships, loving or otherwise. There is no magic button, only hard work, yet the reward of deep human connection is real and it is one of the keys to happiness. ● Main image: Colourbox.com Written by Guest Author We're happy to publish articles by guest authors that will broaden the perspective and bring new insights. If you're interested in publishing an article here on happiness.com, please contact us.

Psychologist Beth Kurland explains how to face emotional challenges using mindfulness, acceptance and self-compassion. On behalf of the Greater Good Science Center. When I was 15, my mother died in a car accident. Not knowing how to deal with the enormity of my loss and grief, I threw myself into homework and activities, never missing a day of school and trying to control everything in my life. This strategy succeeded in some ways — I was able to get good grades, for example. But the inner cost of pushing away my grief and sadness showed up in other ways. I became anxious around things I couldn’t control, like unexpected changes of plans and minor injuries. And, as I grew older, I started to harbor irrational worries, such as the fear of exposing my baby in utero to toxic fumes when walking past a strange smell. It was not until my first child was born, with the help of a therapist, that I was able to fully grieve the loss of my mother and feel all of the emotions I had spent so many years trying to ward away. Embracing the uncomfortable As I write about in my new book, Dancing on the Tightrope, the desire to avoid what’s unpleasant (and seek what’s pleasant) is part of human nature. But avoiding unpleasant emotions — rather than accepting them — only increases our psychological distress, inflexibility, anxiety, and depression, diminishing our well-being. Sit with it: embracing anxiety and depression can be positive Research suggests that when we turn toward our cravings, we're less likely to engage in addictive behaviors; when we turn toward our physical pain, we're less likely to be trapped in cycles of chronic pain; when we turn toward our sadness, we're less likely to be stuck in depression; and when we turn toward our anxiety, we're less likely to be paralyzed by it and can find it easier to bear. Learning to embrace dark emotions brought not only a significant reduction in my anxiety, but an ability to experience the joys of life more fully and a growing trust in my ability to handle life’s challenges. As a therapist, I've also seen tremendous healing with my patients as they've learned to embrace their difficult emotions. “Research suggests that when we turn toward our sadness, we're less likely to be stuck in depression. When we turn toward our anxiety, we're less likely to be paralyzed by it.” If we want to live more fully and be our most authentic selves, we need to turn towards our pain, not try to suppress it. But what can help us get there? The tools of mindful attention, self-compassion, and acceptance — which all come together in a practice I call “The Door.” To do this practice yourself, make sure to start with emotions that are not too intense; you might want to work with a skilled therapist, especially for more intense emotions. Here’s what The Door involves: Step 1: Develop a willingness to open the door Imagine that you're opening the door and welcoming your emotions in, to come and have a seat somewhere in the room. You can picture this seat as close to or as far away from you as you like. From this perspective, you can take a gentle and curious look at what is there. Often people will picture their emotions as having some kind of color, shape, or form; sometimes they envision their emotions as cartoon characters or as younger parts of themselves. Part of the practice is simply to accept whatever arrives. This is a new experience for most people. Who wants to let anxiety in the door? Who wants to welcome in sadness or anger? But when we let in whatever arrives, and see it from a bit of a distance, we can take a curious look and explore what's there. Step 2: Take a curious look at whatever walks in the door Mindfully observing what we're feeling can help us cope with whatever is before us. It can be useful to name our feelings (oh, that’s hurt; that’s jealousy; that’s anger) because, as simple as this sounds, we often don’t pay attention to the nuances of what we are feeling; consequently, important information gets lost along the way. Labeling our distressing emotions gives us a way of validating our inner experience, but it has the added benefit of dialing down their intensity. “Who wants to welcome in sadness and anger? But when we let in whatever arrives, we can take a curious look and explore what's there.” It can also be beneficial to see our emotional “visitors” as temporary guests. Adding the phrase “in this moment” to a statement like “I'm feeling stress, anger, or hurt” can help us be with what is there without feeling overwhelmed. Other things you might say to yourself include: Can I allow myself to notice how this is showing up in my body and in my thoughts? If this feeling or part of me could talk, what might it say? What might it want or need? Being curious rather than fearful or rejecting provides a better lens for understanding your feelings. Step 3: Give yourself the gift of compassion Besides pushing away uncomfortable feelings, many of us have been conditioned to judge our emotions in negative ways. We’ve learned that if we show sadness, it’s a sign of weakness; that we're a bad person if we feel anger or jealousy; that we should “move on” when we experience loss. When we come face to face with difficult emotions, we often tell ourselves to buck up and stop being silly or that there’s something wrong with us. Self-compassion: imagine sitting with a caring friend When we practice mindfulness in combination with self-kindness and a recognition of our common humanity (the fact that we all suffer as human beings), we cultivate self-compassion, a quality that has been linked to psychological well-being. To practice self-compassion, imagine sitting with a good friend who is suffering and think about how you might extend a gesture of compassion. What would your body language be like? How might you listen? What sensations would you feel around your heart? Now picture that person extending compassion towards you. What might they say or do? What words would you find comforting or soothing? “When we practice mindfulness in combination with self-kindness and a recognition of our common humanity (the fact that we all suffer), we cultivate self-compassion.” Chances are, they would not be telling you to cut it out or that you shouldn’t be feeling this way. They might say, “That sounds really hard. I’m here for you.” Or perhaps they might simply extend a hand. When we can learn to sit mindfully with our own emotions, and bring compassion to whatever we're experiencing, it’s as if we've become that caring friend, sitting with ourselves. Learning to be there for ourselves, through the positive moments as well as the painful ones, can be tremendously healing. While embracing our dark emotions takes courage and practice, using The Door technique allows us to open to a gift on the other side. Each time we practice being with our difficult emotions, we grow inner resources, learn to trust in our capacity to handle our experiences, develop resilience for moving through life’s challenges, and find ways to pursue what truly matters. Each of us has the power to face what's hard, if we only open the door. ● Main image: Marc Bruxelle Written by Greater Good Science Center This article originally appeared on Greater Good, the online magazine of the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley. happiness.com is honoured to republish it with the kind permission of the Greater Good Science Center. greatergood.berkeley.edu

As winter turns to spring, new hope can start to emerge in all sorts of ways. And in March there were plenty of feel good news stories in the media. Ed Gould shares his Top Ten. 1. Eye test may help in the fight against Alzheimer's An article in The Daily Express raised awareness of a potential early diagnostic test for Alzheimer's disease. Prompt intervention can be crucial in controlling this ultimately incurable condition and would help many people to slow down or halt its progression. The newspaper's report stated that not being able to see colours clearly and distinguishing them from one another were two of the tell tale signs of the condition, something which could be made into a simple test that opticians could check for. 2. New study points out the benefits of mindfulness There have been multiple studies into the advantages of practising mindfulness. Another, published this March, came out following research at the University of Bristol. Conducted over four years, 57 medical students were asked to engage in mindfulness for two hours a week plus a daily personal routine of half an hour. Those who took part almost uniformly reported better coping strategies for stress and emotional problems. They also said that they made fewer snap judgements as a result of taking part in the programme, with greater levels of empathy being noticeable, too. RELATED: The Bright Side - positive news from February 3. Babies teach school children about empathy According to a report in The Daily Record, school kids are being exposed to babies by their teachers in an effort to help them understand empathy. One Scottish primary school teacher has been taking her infant, along with two other babies, into classes and allowing pupils to interact with them every couple of weeks. Charlene McClusky, the teacher involved in the empathy sessions, said it helps her pupils to understand different emotions and to appreciate each other's different family situations. While on maternity leave, she has regularly attended the lessons with her son, Calvin, pointing out that the experience is beneficial for her toddler, too. Kids' stuff: babies can help teach empathy to school children 4. Climate change fund set up to help Africa In addition to a $200 billion fund it has set up to combat climate change, The World Bank has set aside money specifically to help African countries deal with this pressing issue. According to several reports in the press, there's been a further $22.5 billion set aside specifically for the continent which will be spent on various projects. Bids for the money will be accepted between 2021 and 2025. The World Bank is currently working with the governments of Mali, Namibia, Uganda, Zimbabwe, Mozambique, Cote d'Ivoire, Kenya and Rwanda to help fight global warming. 5. Global shoemaker boosts recycled plastic The world-renowned trainer manufacturer, Adidas, launched a new line of footwear a couple of years ago which featured a plastic derived entirely from recycled material. In March, the sports brands announced that it was significantly upscaling the scheme due to its success. Indeed, last year, Adidas sold around five million pairs of trainers made from the recycled material. It now says it plans to double production and hopes to shift at least 11 million trainers this year, thereby doing its bit to prevent plastic from going into landfill or the world's oceans. 6. Mushrooms help to prevent dementia Cognitive decline can be staved off if you eat sufficient mushrooms, a new study has found. Fox News reported that the condition of mild cognitive impairment (MCI), which is a forerunner of certain types of dementia, is less likely to occur in people who eat two portions of mushrooms per week. In fact, according to researchers at NUS Yong Loo Lin School of Medicine, people who consume fungi are half as likely to suffer from MCI as those who don't. Mushroom for improvement: funghi could fight dementia 7. Drugs for cancer made cheaper in India The prices of over 40 different anti-cancer have been slashed in India, bringing a great deal of hope to those living with the illness in the country. The National Pharmaceutical Pricing Authority of India decided to take steps which will see an average price reduction of over a quarter. People with cervical cancer, breast cancer, lung cancer and leukaemia should all benefit from March onwards. RELATED: The Bright Side – positive news from January 8. Renewable energy performing better than ever in the UK According to a report in The Guardian, wind and solar energy – so-called green sources of electricity – outperformed coal in the United Kingdom over the last two summers. During those months, when demand for energy is lower than in winter, the UK's remaining brown coal-burning power stations were barely used. The news story came as a result of data published by an Australian organisation that monitors the energy market around the world. Additionally, the UK's green power network also made more megawatt hours of electricity than were produced by burning natural gas last summer, too. Wind of change: alternative power boost in the UK 9. Man living with HIV potentially 'cured' According to the BBC and many other news outlets, a man living with HIV may have been 'cured'. The London-based patient has an undetectable level of the virus following ground-breaking stem cell treatment. Having been diagnosed as HIV positive in 2003, the patient's treatment has proven itself to be successful, something that will offer further hope to millions of people living with HIV around the world. Thanks to antiretroviral medications, people living with HIV can now live a healthy and near-normal lifespan. 10. Brain stimulation can help fight off depression Although chronic depression can be treated in a number of ways including drug therapies, physical activity is often recommended as a way of combatting it. In addition, non-invasive brain stimulation has been shown to help in a new study from King's College London. According to reports in Medical News Today, low doses of electrical stimulation to the cortex can help people who fail to respond to other treatments. The technique used is called trans-cranial alternating current stimulation. Over 6,750 patients comprised the study which drew together data from over 100 clinical trials. ● Written by Ed Gould Ed Gould is a UK-based journalist and practitioner of Reiki.

happiness.com is a new community, magazine and academy focusing on happiness and well-being. Join us as a beta tester and bag some free online courses at the same time. Here at happiness.com, we want to bring happiness into the world. For as simple as this vision seems, it’s also one of the most difficult tasks we've faced. Bringing more happiness to all; making people aware that as a global humanity we can learn, work and share better together. Will anyone believe in our mission? We've been working hard behind the scenes to develop happiness.com. It's primarily made up of three key components – an online community/forum, a magazine packed with articles about happiness and well-being, and an academy, where you can take related online courses. As we approach launch, we're now looking for beta testers to join our happy team and come onboard. Discovering together: become a part of happiness.com What is beta testing? Beta testing is the last stage of testing before a website launches. It's done to try and iron out any issues and bugs. Your role will be to surf the happiness.com site before launch, testing different functions, and reporting those that are not (or only partially) working. It's fun and not too time-consuming – in fact, you can do as little or as much as you want. On completion, you'll need to fill out a feedback form for us. The benefits of being a beta tester Aside from getting an exclusive inside peek inside our great new website, all happiness.com beta testers will be able to take and test some of our well-being and self-growth courses in our online academy – completely for free. Many of these courses usually come with a price tag, so it's a good opportunity to help the happiness.com team but also benefit from learning some new skills yourself. Also, by becoming a beta tester, you'll be helping us to grow the roots of the community. Sounds great! How do I sign up? Thats easy! Just register below. By submitting your e-mail address, we'll choose some of you to assist us (your email will never be sold or passed on). Once our community is ready to be put through its paces, we'll let you know. We’re looking for those seeking happiness and well-being (and those blessed ones who can already call themselves happy!). We look forward to welcoming you to our new happiness community. #mc_embed_signup{background:#fff; clear:left; font:14px Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif; } /* Add your own Mailchimp form style overrides in your site stylesheet or in this style block. We recommend moving this block and the preceding CSS link to the HEAD of your HTML file. */ Become a betatester * indicates required Email Address * OK, but what is happiness.com exactly? Here's some more information about us to help you decide if you want to become a beta tester and join our community. We know there's no need to spend money to be happy. It’s hard to believe, because we're told differently through advertising every day. We'd like to invite you to take another path with us. Towards yourself, with yourself, but embedded in a supportive community. With happiness.com, we want to build a conscious community, where it’s possible to share experiences in a safe and secure environment. We want to enable each person to find happiness. “Do you know the feeling, when you experience something really nice and just wish someone you love would be there to experience it, too? We all share the desire for others to be happy. We have a common passion to be happy. Happiness is best when it's shared with others.” Julius Dreyer, founder, happiness.com happiness.com: vision and values Each of us has something valuable to share. We want to increase the wisdom of our community, giving everyone the opportunity to shine. How can we achieve this goal? Among others and with these principles: 1. Purpose over person and profit There are many examples of how well-intended movements get lost within even the most subtle of egos or the greed of money-driven stakeholders. happiness.com is neither about the money, nor the fame. We do it out of love and care for all beings and because we strive to make a positive impact. This may sound hard to believe in today's society: someone wants to bring happiness into the world, without making profit from it? But that’s exactly it. And transparency is very important to us. Of course, we too must be profitable in order to be sustainable, innovative and competitive in the surrounding capitalist environment. But happiness.com is not about personal enrichment and profit. Our purpose will always come first before ego and profit. Come together: community is one of happiness.com's 'roots' 2.We do not sell happiness The latest car, a brand new jacket, the latest trendy backpack: we often (incorrectly) believe that we need specific products or services to be happier and more complete. This can also include offers for spiritual help and self-help. At happiness.com we don’t want to suggest anything which won’t make people happier in the long term. One of our goals is therefore not to make you feel something you need to be complete. We will not sell you or promise unrealistic results, and we will always be transparent and honest in our intentions and motivations. 3. Rooted organically, growing mindfully It's easy to be blinded by numbers and to believe that bigger is better. But we at happiness.com start small. On a large scale, it would neither be fun nor would it lead to the profound changes we intend. Like an organism, we want to grow roots before we think of a large tree canopy. We want to grow organically and only spread out rooted. We will become bigger when we’re sure that we as a community can handle it without having to compromise on our intention. 4. Same same but different We're all equally human and everyone is precious. No one is better or worse than the other. With that in mind, we will welcome everyone regardless of who they are or what they've done. happiness.com is not a place to judge, preach, convert or explain to others how to behave. We want to be open-minded, inclusive, and meet on an equal footing. The next Buddha is the Community Thich Nhat Hanh famously said: “the next Buddha may take the form of a community, a community practicing understanding and loving kindness, a community practicing mindful living. And the practice can be carried out as a group, as a city, as a nation.” Amen to that. We think this time has come! People go to retreats, festivals or to a monastery to reconnect with themselves. Well, we think it’s time for an online monastery, where we can learn, practice and share happiness whenever we want to, 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. “For the benefit of all, may all beings be happy.” Julius Dreyer, founder, happiness.com Our roots for a vital community: With the goal of bringing happiness and well-being into the world, we will be working on various root strands at happiness.com. Some we can only show you when their time has come. Other offers can already give you an insight into our future community: 1. The happiness Magazine: One of them is the happiness Magazine. Here you can already read a varied, interesting and scientifically-backed collection of articles. Read the happiness.com Magazine to learn about the latest findings of happiness research as well as articles on topics such as meditation, mental health, relationships, psychology and spirituality. 2. The happiness Academy: We're currently working on the next component of the happiness community. The happiness Academy will be a place for teachers, coaches and mentors put together a comprehensive program of online courses around well-being and happiness. 3. The happiness Community: All of this is embedded in a social network where people can network and share and grow transformative life-style experiences. We want to be a safe place for authentic expression. Our goal is to hit bottom-of-the-soul human happiness and not superficially-packed happiness! We'll begin by exploring the full range of what it means to be human and discovering it together. ●

Research on mindfulness apps is limited, but here's what we know so far. By Kira M. Newman on behalf of the Greater Good Science Center. Want to feel more Calm, get some Headspace, and practice Mindfulness Daily? There are apps for that — hundreds of them, besides the three I just mentioned. These apps make a promise: rather than investing countless hours and dollars in mindfulness classes or mindfulness-based therapy, we can choose to meditate from the comfort of our smartphones. Users are flocking to mindfulness apps in hopes of cultivating kind attention to their own thoughts and feelings, and of reaping the mental and physical benefits that go along with mindfulness. But do they work? What does science say about mindfulness apps? Research began in earnest only about four years ago, and studies are indeed pointing to potential benefits for our stress, emotions, and relationships. The findings may not be as conclusive as app marketers would have you believe — but they do suggest you should at least consider trying one. Digital stress reduction Much of the research so far involves the popular mindfulness app Headspace, which has attracted 20 million users across 190 countries since its launch in 2012. The app’s meditations are voiced by Headspace founder and former Buddhist monk Andy Puddicombe, starting with simple breathing and body scan practices. “Users are flocking to mindfulness apps in hopes of cultivating kind attention to their own thoughts and feelings.” In one 2018 study, researchers tested Headspace with 70 adults. All the participants started by answering surveys about their positive and negative feelings, their stress, and their irritability in the past week. Then, over the course of a month, half the group completed ten introductory sessions on Headspace, while the other half listened to excerpts from Puddicombe’s audiobook about mindfulness and meditation without any guided practice. Afterward, the meditation group was faring much better. According to a second round of surveys, they felt (on balance) more positive emotions and less burdened by external demands, responsibilities, and pressure than the audiobook listeners. These changes happened after just 100 minutes of practice. “This is great news for people that are curious about mindfulness but are worried about having to invest hours and hours of time before seeing any benefits,” says lead author Marcos Economides, who (along with his coauthors) was employed by Headspace at the time of the study. “Such early benefits could provide motivation for casual users to develop a more long-term mindfulness practice.” Do mindfulness apps work? © shutterstock/TeodorLazarev Stress is also biological, leaving an imprint on our bodies that can lead to health problems later in life. Could mindfulness apps affect stress at this level, too, not just in our minds? In another recent study, researchers tested this question while also trying to figure out which aspects of mindfulness education are most crucial. They recruited 153 adults to practice for 20 minutes a day, splitting them up into three groups. One group practiced the mindfulness skill of monitoring, which involves detecting and distinguishing between different sensations in your body. RELATED: The 5 best happiness apps to improve well-being A second group learned monitoring and acceptance, the ability to stay relaxed, welcome thoughts and feelings in your mind, and gently acknowledge them. A third group learned coping skills, like seeing the positive in negative situations and analyzing personal problems. These newfound skills were put to the test at the end of two weeks. In an infamous laboratory experiment, participants had to give a five-minute speech and do math out loud while trained observers gave critical feedback, pointed out errors, and generally exuded coldness and judgment. All the while, the participants wore a cuff to monitor their escalating blood pressure and gave periodic saliva samples that would be analyzed for cortisol, a hormone released in response to stress. “Stress is also biological, leaving an imprint on our bodies that can lead to health problems. Could mindfulness apps affect stress at this level, too, not just in our minds?” Contrary to the first study, participants in the three groups didn’t perceive their stress to be different — after giving a speech or doing tricky subtraction, they all felt similarly anxious and insecure. But their bodies told another story: Here, only the group that had learned monitoring and acceptance had lower systolic blood pressure during the task and lower cortisol afterward. “This study was the first to show that a brief two-week mindfulness training app can change a person’s biological response to stress,” says lead author Emily K. Lindsay, a postdoctoral fellow at the University of Pittsburgh. RELATED: 7 mindfulness tips to stay present When we learn acceptance, she and her colleagues explain, we may be better able to acknowledge but disengage from difficult experiences — like cringe-worthy judgment from others. This study suggests that the benefits of mindfulness aren’t just from improved attention, but from the gentle, nurturing attitude we cultivate toward ourselves. Mindfulness apps under the microscope Less stress isn’t the only outcome we can hope to achieve through our digital contemplative practice. In 2017 researchers conducted one of the only studies that compared a mindfulness app with a traditional, in-person mindfulness class. Here, nurses in residency listened to Headspace meditations or attended a class once a week for four weeks. Ultimately, the app users improved their mindfulness skills — in particular, their ability to act with awareness and not overreact to their thoughts and feelings. They also felt less fatigue and burnout in their caregiving role, compared to class attendees. Several studies have compared participants who used Headspace to those who used another beneficial app, like the brain-training app Lumosity, the organizational app Catch Notes, or a web app with logic problems. After training for 10-20 minutes a day for 10-30 days, Headspace users reduced their mind-wandering, boosted their positive emotions, reduced their symptoms of depression, and became kinder and less aggressive compared to other app users. In one study, though, Headspace didn’t seem to improve people’s satisfaction with life, flourishing in life, or negative feelings. “There is still a lot we don’t understand about how mindfulness works, and how much mindfulness practice is needed for certain benefits to emerge,” Economides says. Mind the app: mindfulness technology © shutterstock/Dean Drobot Another question for future research is how long any benefits last. One of the few studies with a follow-up did have promising results: Compared to participants on a waiting list, people who used the VGZ Mindfulness Coach app for eight weeks — which features a variety of breathing, body scan, visualization, and mantra meditations — became more mindful, showed fewer symptoms of psychiatric disorders, and boosted their quality of life up to four months later. RELATED: Does meditation really work? Here's what science says Meditation apps aren’t just a boon for consumers hoping to learn how to be more present at an affordable price. If effective, they also have implications for workplaces, schools, and even nations, who want to cultivate happier and healthier communities. This is where research on which apps are beneficial, and why, is particularly important. “It's vital that we understand the potential benefits of engaging with such apps, and how these compare to programs that are taught in-person, if we are to have the greatest impact on people’s well-being,” says Economides. ● Main image © shutterstock/Alexander Image Do you use mindfulness apps? Which ones? Let the happiness.com community know what you think of them... Written by Greater Good Science Center This article originally appeared on Greater Good, the online magazine of the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley. Happiness.com is honoured to republish it with the kind permission of the Greater Good Science Center. greatergood.berkeley.edu

Research suggests ways to manage your smartphone use so you stay connected to the people around you. By Tchiki Davis on behalf of Greater Good Science Center. By 2016, 77 percent of U.S. adults owned a smartphone. Although they’re just small rectangular objects in our pockets, smartphones are leading to significant shifts in how we interact with the world. Sensationalist news headlines tell us that “smartphones have destroyed a generation” and “social media is ripping apart society.” But what does the research say? Indeed, young people who use electronic devices more tend to experience greater depression and worse mood. And smartphones seem to be particularly problematic for relationships, leading to social interactions that are lower-quality and less empathic. But there are a wide range of ways you can use your smartphone —from taking photos with your friends to envious Facebook stalking — and only some of them are detrimental. So, how do you keep your smartphone from harming your connection to others? These research-backed strategies can help protect your relationships in a variety of social situations. 1. Don’t replace face-to-face interactions with electronic interactions The amount of time we spend using electronic communication has increased considerably since the release of the smartphone. Because we only have a limited amount of time each day, smartphone use can lead us to spend less time with others, which, over time, can drastically and negatively impact our lives. “Smartphones seem to be particularly problematic for relationships, leading to social interactions that are lower-quality and less empathic.” Tchiki Davis Ph.D. Why? Because ample research shows that building strong social relationships is one of the best things we can do for our mental and physical health, and it may be easier and faster for us to build these relationships in person. Engaging in face-to-face social interactions tends to improve our mood and reduce depression. Other activities that involve other people — such as attending religious services or engaging in exercise or sports — also have positive effects on our mental health. Without these experiences, our mental health suffers. The convenience of the smartphone has made it easier to pass up meaningful social interactions. Although only 23 percent of people say they occasionally use their phone to avoid interacting with others, the rest of us may just opt for what’s easy. We may peruse our friends’ Facebook pages instead of asking them how they’re doing. We may opt to watch Netflix instead of going to the theater with friends. For optimal mental health, though, it seems we should choose face-to-face interactions whenever possible. 2. Don’t use your phone when you’re with other people To build those strong, in-person relationships, we also have to be mindful of how we use our phones around others. If you’re with someone and they start using their smartphone, the social interaction tends to be lower-quality. As you’ve probably experienced, it can break the connection, stall a conversation, and make you feel unheard. Most people believe that it’s not OK to use smartphones during social events, and 82 percent believe that smartphone use at social gatherings actually hurts conversations, at least occasionally. Don't use your phone around other people. Image: shutterstock/Damir Khabirov Paradoxically, we continue to use our smartphones. In one study, 89 percent of smartphone users said that they used their phone during the most recent social gathering. And most people believe that their own smartphone use doesn’t take much, if any, of their attention away from the group. To add insult to injury, when we use our smartphones during social interactions, we also diminish our own experience. One study suggested that people who use their smartphone while dining out with friends experience less interest and enjoyment and more boredom than people who don’t. A similar phenomenon was observed in other types of social interactions. “Engaging in face-to-face social interactions tends to improve our mood and reduce depression.” Tchiki Davis Ph.D. We seem to be blind to the fact that using our phones around others can negatively impact our lives, even though we are perfectly aware of the damage when other people do it. So, when you’re tempted to pull out your phone at a social event, try to remember how it feels when someone else “phubs” you. 3. Keep your phone out of sight during meaningful conversations Even refraining from using your phone might not be enough in certain situations. Research suggests that smartphones can be highly distracting, with more than half of Americans saying that smartphones have made it harder to give others their undivided attention. Some research further shows that just having a smartphone present on a table — not even in use — while engaging in a meaningful conversation can reduce the empathy, trust, and relationship quality between the people. Imagine how it feels when you’re pouring your heart out to someone and they don’t really understand you or respond to you — maybe they even glance at their phone from time to time. The ability to be present and listen attentively is key to building trust with others. And if we can’t do that, we risk the health of our relationships — something to remember the next time you’re having an important conversation. 4. Don’t let your smartphone stop you from socializing with strangers A growing body of research suggests that even seemingly trivial interactions with strangers — like chatting with a barista or cashier — play a big role in how socially connected we feel. How might smartphones affect these interactions? Well, to the extent that we are on our smartphones instead of having casual interactions with others, we miss out on opportunities to connect. In one study, researchers found that having a smartphone on hand led people who needed directions to primarily rely on the phone and not ask others for help. As a result of not interacting with others, the people with smartphones felt less socially connected and thus worse overall (even though they got to their destination faster). This suggests that smartphones can eliminate social interactions in small but important ways that could have long-term consequences on our lives. Young people who use smartphones more tend to experience greater depression After spending the last few decades hearing “don’t talk to strangers,” we understandably feel some trepidation about talking to people we don’t know. But choosing to reach out to another human being, in many circumstances, can be extremely valuable for our well-being and theirs. 5. If you’re connecting online, be active We often like to think — or we’ve been told — that social media like Facebook and Twitter can help us connect with others. But it turns out that using electronic devices to connect socially doesn’t work very well, at least not in the short-term. A recent study showed that our mood and feelings of social connection aren’t any better when communicating online than when not socializing at all. In fact, the more a person mainly interacts with others online, the worse their mood and the lower their feelings of social connection. “82 percent of people believe that smartphone use at social gatherings actually hurts conversations.” Tchiki Davis Ph.D. It’s human nature to need connection. So instead of passively surfing online or on social media, which we almost invariably do alone, opt instead to do something that involves the active participation of others. For example, one study found that high schoolers who more frequently chat online or use computers with friends tend to have higher-quality friendships. This suggests that technology can be used as a prop when building stronger relationships. 6. Connect with people on your smartphone to cope with pain Although most of the research suggests that you should prioritize face-to-face interactions over electronic interactions, in-person interactions are not always possible. When a parent is traveling for work or a close friend has moved out of state, then what do you do? Research suggests that electronic interactions can be beneficial for building and maintaining bonds that couldn’t otherwise exist. Actively chatting or reaching out to people whom you cannot see face-to-face does seem to have benefits, like feeling more socially connected. In times of need, reaching out for social support on a smartphone seems to be especially helpful. For example, patients in one study were assigned to one of four groups. During a minor surgery, they had to text message a stranger, text message a companion, play a distracting game (Angry Birds) on their smartphone, or not use their smartphone at all. Ultimately, people who text-messaged either a companion or a stranger needed less painkillers than those who didn’t use their smartphone. This research goes to show that we get a wide range of benefits from social connection, which our smartphones can provide if no other options are available. In sum, there are many potential ways that smartphones can be detrimental to our social lives. At the same time, smartphones can make many daily tasks easier. The key is to figure out when and for whom they will be helpful or harmful, and researchers are now exploring these questions. If you can’t possibly imagine getting rid of your smartphone, keep this simple advice in mind: Connect with others, mostly in-person, and keep your smartphone stowed away in case of emergencies. ● Main image: shutterstock/michaelheim Written by Greater Good Science Center This article originally appeared on Greater Good, the online magazine of the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley. Happiness.com is honoured to republish it with the kind permission of the Greater Good Science Center. greatergood.berkeley.edu

In November, the media was focused on political turmoil, but it was actually a great month for positive news stories. Here's Ed Gould's round-up of the ten best, full of messages of hope and happiness. 1. Australian town leads the way with plastic capture The city of Kwinana in Australia has positive news in the fight against plastic waste ending up in the sea. The authorities there have placed nets on their town's culverts to try and prevent plastic from flowing into the ocean. The results exceeded expectations with around 370 kilos of waste plastic being captured during a period of just a few months – a simple yet effective solution! 2. New brain treatment may help tackle depression According to reports in Science News, scientists from California have found that electrical stimulation to parts of the brain can reduce depression symptoms. The neuroscientific approach involves zapping the lateral orbitofrontal cortex with minor doses of charge from electrodes. Those without depression, or who had mild forms of it, reported no change but, on average, those with severe or intermediate levels of depression said the process left them feeling better. Work is underway to see how longer lasting effects may be possible. 3. Huge new nature reserve created in Central Africa The Democratic Republic of the Congo may not always be associated with happy events, but in November, several press outlets reported on a major achievement for the country. It's taken almost 14 years to come to fruition, but the Ogooué-Leketi National Park – covering an area of over 1,300 square miles – has finally opened. It will help to protect the country's diverse wildlife, including many endangered species such as mountain gorillas. Congo: A new nature reserve for gorillas © Shutterstock/CherylRamalho 4. Bamboo housing prize awarded to young designer Widely reported around the world, a design for using low-cost materials to form housing in the Philippines has been awarded with an award in the UK. With prize money donated by the Royal Institute of Chartered Surveyors, the award recognised Earl Patrick Forlales' use of bamboo, a resource widely available in the Philippines, so that slum housing can be replaced with cheap and an eco-friendly accommodation. According to the BBC, the 23-year-old Forlales' modular home design could help up to 12 million slum dwellers in Manilla alone. 5. Cleaner fuel capacity from developing countries Clean technology for generating electrical power is nothing new, but it was only in November that the developing world added more capacity in this regard than it did with outdated fossil fuel technology. In positive news for the environment, less developed countries added 114 gigawatts of clean energy production in 2018. That's compared to only around 60 gigawatts added by developed countries which, in fairness, were already starting from a higher base level. That said, the fact is that – according to a report published by Bloomberg – developing countries are now playing their part in much more dynamic ways to fight climate change. 6. Mindfulness study shows it benefits PhD students According to a number of reports, the benefits of mindfulness techniques were studied by an in-depth scientific programme run in the United States. This particular study focussed on a large sample of some 2,000 graduate students from around the globe, with the results published in Nature. The research revealed that over 80 percent of students who used mindfulness as a part of their daily ritual didn't feel the need to seek help from university support services. The researchers suggested this is because they were more resilient to the stresses of PhD programmes as a result of their mindfulness practices. Learning lessons: mindfulness helps students © Shutterstock/Jacob Lund 7. Treatment for deadly peanut allergy possible Peanut allergies can kill, especially if emergency responses to anaphylactic shock are not administered rapidly. In news that has brought hope to many, a new treatment is being developed that could mean such severe allergies may become a thing of the past. As reported by the BBC, a study published in the New England Journal of Medicine, by Professor George du Toit, may mean that small, controlled exposure to peanuts is the way forward, so that the potentially catastrophic results of accidental exposure are avoided. 8. Denmark leads the way on green car policy Denmark is already an expensive place to buy fuel for your car – if it's derived from an oil. However, the country is going one step further and will now ban all new fossil-fuelled cars within 11 years. The country's Minister for the Environment, Lars Christian Lilleholt, said that the way forward was electrically-powered cars and he encouraged the EU to take similar steps to reduce harmful emissions. 9. Dogs recruited in the fight against malaria The New York Times reported in November that dogs are being deployed to sniff out the presence of mosquito-borne parasites. In a pilot study, researchers found that the incredible sense of smell that many dogs have can be put to use by sniffing socks. If they detect the parasites, then they can alert humans to potential infection even before a human might show the feverish symptoms of the disease, thereby helping to treat people before malaria takes hold. Smells good: dogs can sniff out malaria parasites 10. The ozone layer is healing, says the UN And finally, some great environmental news. Action taken globally over recent decades to prevent further damage to the ozone layer in the atmosphere has been working. According to the UK's Evening Standard, a UN report has stated that the layer is not just being protected from further erosion but is, in fact, repairing itself. It's hoped the level of ozone will return to its rightful state by the 2060s. This is largely due to the global phasing out of chlorofluorocarbons which was agreed in 1987. ● What do you think of this month's positive news? What efforts are happening where you live? Share your thoughts with the happiness.com community below... Written by Ed Gould Ed Gould is a UK-based journalist and freelance writer. He's also a practitioner of Reiki.

Many forces undermine efforts to help men to empathize with women and speak out against harassment and assault. Elizabeth Svoboda – on behalf of Greater Good Science Center – gives some ideas for overcoming them. At January’s Golden Globe awards, women seized the #MeToo moment in a big way. Nearly every actress in attendance wore black to signify support of sexual assault survivors and some spoke about their commitment to ending harassment and assault. Oprah Winfrey gave a barn-burning speech celebrating women’s dignity that led to some loose talk about her running for president. This backdrop of female solidarity made men’s silence suddenly visible. “Standing by like accessories,” wrote Claire Atkinson of NBC News, “men at the awards show failed to use the spotlight to bring attention to women’s inequality and the power of speaking up.” Though a few men did sport “Time’s Up” pins, something held almost all of them back from voicing that support openly. What was that force? While some might have consciously wanted to yield the stage to women at the Golden Globes, that doesn’t explain why so few later released statements in support — or why we don’t see much wider movement among men against sexual harassment and assault. Women are more than twice as likely as men to report being sexually harassed. It stands to reason that the people who are most negatively affected by a behavior are most likely to speak out against it. There are bystander training programs, such as Hollaback!, that help motivate people to act against harassment even if they are not members of frequently-targeted groups. However, efforts to teach men to empathize with women and intervene against harassment can be undermined by masculine ideals that put “bros before hos,” to quote one common expression. “The role of masculinity in some ways functions to retain structures of sexism,” says Emily May, Hollaback’s executive director. “There are questions that arise: If you’re not objectifying women, does that mean you’re less of a man?” Even empathic men who consciously reject negative ideals may — like many women — just not know what to do in the face of harassment and assault. Activists and researchers alike say mobilizing men will require spreading awareness about ways they can best intervene in fraught harassment situations. Actor Mark Ruffalo tweeted his public support to women at the Golden Globes Above all, would-be interveners must be willing to risk vulnerability and put themselves on the line. “Courage is what’s needed most right now,” says Mike Dilbeck, founder of the Response Ability project, who teaches workshops on how to intervene effectively. What stops men from taking a stand? The women and men at the Golden Globes are the stars of Hollywood movies. Watch one of those for ten minutes and our culture’s masculine norms come through loud and clear: Men should act macho, strive to score with women, and exert dominance wherever they can. Given the currency these norms still have in the Western world, it’s no wonder many men (though certainly not all) embrace them to fit in. “Even empathic men who consciously reject negative ideals may — like many women — just not know what to do in the face of harassment and assault.” When men in an Indiana University study scored highly on certain aspects of the Conformity to Masculine Norms Inventory (CMNI) inventory — professing that men ought to dominate women, for instance, or that they should strive for a “playboy” identity — they were inclined to have more hostile and sexist attitudes toward women. Such anti-woman views bode poorly for these men’s potential to stop harassment, since intervention requires empathy and real concern for the target of a jibe or grope. Further research at Georgia State University confirms that when men were exposed to a misogynistic social norm, they were less likely to intervene when they witnessed sexual aggression. Men’s long-established position atop our society’s ladder of power may also affect their willingness to speak up. Subjects with a “high power” mindset in a Northwestern University study were less adept at reading people’s facial expressions, indicating an empathy deficit, and they were also less likely to take other people’s perspectives into account as they assessed a situation. Worse, the experience of having power can make people more likely to give in to their worst impulses. As Greater Good Science Center director Dacher Keltner writes: “Powerful men, studies show, overestimate the sexual interest of others and erroneously believe that the women around them are more attracted to them than is actually the case. Powerful men also sexualize their work, looking for opportunities for sexual trysts and affairs, and along the way leer inappropriately, stand too close, and touch for too long on a daily basis, thus crossing the lines of decorum — and worse.” It’s easy to see how deficits in empathy and social awareness could fuel a powerful boss’s assumption that harassing others — or even “grab[bing] ‘em by the p***y,” as Donald Trump once bragged of doing — is somehow OK. In fact, when participants in a University of Tennessee study were primed to recall wielding power over another, they scored higher on a scale that assessed their chances of sexually harassing in the future. But bystanders in power’s thrall might also be less apt to intervene on a victim’s behalf. Someone with low empathy will be less inclined to speak up for others, and someone drunk on power won’t want to risk losing a high-rung position to call out a colleague. Making harassment matter to men What’s the best way to flip these toxic scripts and empower men to speak out? To a certain extent, that’s an open question. There have been few studies to date on how to help men transform from passive bystanders to active ones when they witness harassment. “There is some excellent research on the bystander effect generally, but far less specifically [on] men in the context of sexual harassment,” says U.S. Naval Academy psychologist Brad Johnson, who cites a need for research-tested strategies to help men intervene confidently and consistently. Still, experts who work to mobilize men against harassment have gleaned some useful insights about what works — and the first step involves empathy. “Ninety percent of the work that you have to do is convincing them that it matters enough to intervene,” says May. This convincing could involve, say, having would-be interveners talk to people who’ve been harassed to get a sense of how being targeted has affected their lives. Women's March, January 20, 2018 Other research suggests that when men learn about suffering from a victim’s viewpoint, there’s a lower likelihood that they will sexually harass. That underscores the idea that to awaken men to harassment’s true impact, it’s critical for them to take the perspective of those being harmed — especially since prevailing masculine norms can blunt their empathy and awareness of that perspective. “We don’t think about harassment across the lifespan,” May says. “A lifetime of [harassment] has the same traumatic impact as more severe forms of violence.” “Other research suggests that when men learn about suffering from a victim’s viewpoint, there’s a lower likelihood that they will sexually harass.” This is why it is so necessary for the targets of sexual harassment to tell their stories, as many have done as part of the #metoo movement. Humans are born story-tellers (and story-listeners) — and as psychologist Paul Slovic’s work reveals, it’s personal stories, not dry statistics or generic platitudes, that most inspire people to act in unjust situations. Of course, for the stories to have impact, men need to hear them — and really take them to heart. From bystanding to “upstanding” From that place of empathy, men might be more motivated to make intervention a low-key, everyday practice — but they still need the tools to do that, which is why training and discussion are so important. Action can be as simple as saying “Cut it out” when a colleague tells a demeaning joke. The more people practice taking constructive action on a regular basis, notes psychologist Philip Zimbardo, the more effective they’ll be at intervening in the future. The force of habit, and the confidence that stems from prior action, take over — and that’s one reason workplace training programs can make a difference. If the harasser reacts angrily, we can learn to defuse the situation by separating the harasser’s action from his or her intention, which may not have been to hurt someone. “What you’re doing is acknowledging the emotio — like, ‘Hey, I hear that you’re really frustrated, that this is confusing,’” May says. “Then say, ‘Things like that can make our co-workers feel uncomfortable, and I know that’s not what you’re trying to do.’” Strength in numbers can help, too. Men who want to start calling out predatory behavior can cement their resolve by teaming up with friends or colleagues. Together, make a commitment to speak up when someone says or does something that assaults another’s dignity — and promise to back each other up when one person takes the lead in intervening. There are also structural solutions. Businesses and nonprofit organizations can hire and promote more women, which can shift the norms of the organization in women’s favor. To support men, company and organization managers can create an atmosphere where speaking up doesn’t mean breaking unspoken masculine codes or risking job status. Men considering calling out abuse or harassment “need to know they’re going to be protected,” Dilbeck says, “[that] if they do speak up somebody’s going to have their back.” Conversely, he adds, a good-old-boys culture can deter witnesses from speaking up about harassment. “If they’ve seen other people be ostracized, they’re like, ‘Oh, hell no!’” There's always a place for activism, online and in real life. Since storytelling is so key to moving people to action, we can amplify #metoo or #iwillspeakup stories on Facebook or Twitter. Speaking out against abusive language on social media can help change the tone of the discussion. In general, making statements for safety, consent, and respect on social media — and in face-to-face conversations — can support other men and women in the fight against sexual harassment and assault. We can march, when a march is called. We can vote for candidates who pledge to stop sexual abuse. All of these actions shape a culture in which those who call out harassment will be embraced, not belittled. Zeno Franco, who studies heroism and post-traumatic stress disorder at the Medical College of Wisconsin, thinks that we can turn masculine norms against sexual harassment and assault. “When has it ever been an acceptable norm that men instill fear in women? When has it ever been an acceptable norm that men turn a blind eye when other men harm women?” He says. “The role of men is at times tough, and unforgiving [regarding] calling to account of other men. Fathers, brothers, uncles need to stand up so that it is not just #metoo, but #youjustmessedwithmetoo.” Franco believes that older men must take the lead with younger ones, especially fathers with sons, setting unequivocal standards of behavior while still creating space for honesty and contemplation. “Knowing what to tell young men first means we need to have a frank conversation amongst ourselves, as fully grown adults, men and women, about these topics,” he says. “If handled correctly, these are moments for self-reflection and improvement on the journey to becoming fully a man.” For men (and women) who remain unsure about intervening, taking the long view of what’s at stake can help tip the balance toward action. Standing up for just one harassment victim could save dozens of potential future victims from a similar fate, Mike Dilbeck says. “You have no idea whose life you’re going to protect by speaking up.” ● Written by Greater Good Science Center This article originally appeared on Greater Good, the online magazine of the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley. Happiness.org is honoured to republish it with the kind permission of the Greater Good Science Center. greatergood.berkeley.edu

Research suggests that awe can make you happier, healthier, more humble, and more connected to the people around you. Starting 15 years ago, scientists have been studying the complex and mysterious emotion called awe — one you might have felt if you’ve stood in front of the Taj Mahal, hiked among towering redwoods, or had your mind blown at a concert, play, or ballet. Inducing goosebumps and dropped jaws, awe experiences are remarkable in their own right. Moreover, a growing body of research suggests that experiencing awe may lead to a wide range of benefits, from happiness and health to perhaps more unexpected benefits such as generosity, humility, and critical thinking. In our busy lives, seeking awe may be low on our list of priorities. But we might be underestimating its power. “One simple prescription can have transformative effects: look for more daily experiences of awe,” writes the GGSC’s Dacher Keltner. The latest research suggests that taking the time to experience awe — whether through engaging with nature, enjoying great art or music, or even bingeing on breathtaking YouTube videos — may be a pathway to improving your life and relationships. 1. Awe may improve your mood and make you more satisfied with your life Need a mood boost or a stress slayer? Some studies suggest that experiencing awe may help. And you don’t have to take a trip to the Grand Canyon to get the job done. Just watching awe-inducing slideshows and videos can improve your mood and well-being, according to a few studies. Another study found that people who read a short, awe-evoking story about seeing Paris from the top of the Eiffel Tower reported greater life satisfaction in that moment than people who read a story about seeing a plain landscape from up high. World of wonder: the awe-inspiring Taj Mahal Of course, it’s tough to beat real-world experiences — so in a recent study, researchers took military veterans and youth from underserved communities whitewater rafting. They found that the more awe the participants experienced, the more improvement they saw in their well-being and symptoms of stress one week later. According to a different survey the researchers conducted, undergraduate students reported greater life satisfaction and well-being on days when they spent time in nature, which was attributable to the higher level of awe they felt on those days. This suggests that awe just might be a crucial ingredient in nature’s restorative powers. 2. Awe may be good for your health Experiencing awe over time could potentially have long-term health benefits, at least according to one study. People with a greater general tendency to experience awe — but not any of the other seven positive emotions studied — had lower levels of interleukin-6 (IL-6), a marker of inflammation (too much inflammation can lead to a host of chronic diseases). “A growing body of research suggests that experiencing awe may lead to a wide range of benefits, from happiness and health to perhaps more unexpected benefits such as generosity, humility, and critical thinking.” A second part of the study found that participants who reported feeling more “awe, wonder, and amazement that day” had lower levels of IL-6; this was true even after accounting for people’s general tendency to experience awe and be open to new experiences. In other words, all of us — not just people who are prone to experiencing awe frequently — may be able to reap the health benefits of a particularly wondrous day. However, this study can’t tell us whether awe decreases inflammation or whether people with more inflammation are less likely to experience awe — a question for future research. 3. Awe may help you think more critically Some studies suggest that awe may be able to sharpen our brains. One study found that when people were induced to feel awe, they were less persuaded by weak arguments than people who did a neutral activity (imagining doing their laundry). In contrast, some other positive emotions — like anticipatory enthusiasm or amusement — made people more susceptible to weak arguments. Intriguingly, a recent theoretical paper argues that awe may help facilitate scientific learning and reasoning in children. For example, when a child sees an anvil and a feather drop at the same rate in a vacuum, this experience likely violates their intuitive understanding of how gravity works, evoking feelings of awe that lead them to develop a new theory about the relationships between weight, gravity, and motion. Peak condition: experiencing awe may have long-term health benefits Similarly, a recent study found that people who have a greater disposition to experience awe had a more accurate understanding of the nature of science and were more likely to reject creationism and other scientifically questionable explanations about the world. Importantly, these people didn’t have greater “faith” in science; they just understood better how science works. 4. Awe may decrease materialism A few studies suggest that experiencing awe may dampen feelings of materialism. The experiment with the Eiffel Tower story also found that, when given a hypothetical choice between a material good (such as a $50 backpack) or an experiential product (such as a $50 iTunes gift card), people who read the awe-inspiring story chose the experiential product more often than people in the other group did. In another study, participants who recalled an awe experience placed less value on money than did participants who recalled a happy or neutral experience, and viewing awe-inducing images reduced the effort people were willing to put into getting money (where effort was measured by tolerance for listening to an unpleasant sound). “The latest research suggests that taking the time to experience awe — whether through engaging with nature, enjoying great art or music, or even bingeing on breathtaking YouTube videos — may be a pathway to improving your life and relationships.” Why might awe decrease materialism? According to the researchers, the answer may lie in the self-transcendence that awe can inspire. “People in awe start to appreciate their sense of selfhood as less separate and more interrelated to the larger existence,” they write. “The experience of awe elevates people from their mundane concerns, which are bounded by daily experiences such as the desire for money.” Further evidence for this idea comes from a recent study, suggesting that awe can function as a buffer against negative emotion when you lose material possessions. After time spent marveling at the world around you, misplacing your new sunglasses might not feel so bad. 5. Awe makes you feel smaller and more humble One of the most profound effects of awe is how it can change our perception of ourselves relative to the larger world. In particular, multiple studies have shown that awe can make us feel small, diminished, or insignificant what researchers call the “small self” effect. In one particularly interesting study, researchers asked visitors to Yosemite National Park and Fisherman’s Wharf (a tourist area in San Francisco) about their feelings of awe and other emotions, as well as their sense of self. Tourists at Yosemite reported experiencing significantly more awe, represented their current self with smaller circles (when given a choice of sizes), and drew self-portraits that were nearly 33 per cent smaller than tourists at Fisherman’s Wharf. World of wonder: awe makes us appreciate our place in larger existence Besides making people feel physically smaller, awe may also make people more humble. One recent study found that people who are more naturally prone to experiencing awe felt more humility and were rated as more humble by their friends. Experimentally inducing participants to feel awe led them to acknowledge their strengths and weaknesses in a more balanced way and to better recognize how outside forces contributed to their successes. 6. Awe can make you feel like you have more time Awe may also expand our perception of time. One study found that people induced to feel awe felt less impatient and agreed more strongly with statements suggesting that time is plentiful and expansive than people induced to feel happiness. The researchers speculate that by immersing us in the moment, awe may allow us to savor the here and now. “Awe-eliciting experiences might offer one effective way of alleviating the feeling of time starvation that plagues so many people in modern life,” the researchers write. With more time on their hands, people feeling awe reported a greater willingness to offer that time to others — to volunteer their time, but not their money, to help a charity — compared to people feeling happy. 7. Awe can make you more generous and cooperative In fact, multiple studies have found that experiencing awe may make people more kind and generous. For example, one study found that people with a greater tendency for awe were more generous in laboratory tasks like distributing raffle tickets between themselves and an unknown participant. And people who stood among awe-inspiring eucalyptus trees picked up more pens for an experimenter who had “accidentally” dropped them than people who stared up at a not-so-inspiring large building. “Why might awe decrease materialism? According to the researchers, the answer may lie in the self-transcendence that awe can inspire. 'People in awe start to appreciate their sense of selfhood as less separate and more interrelated to the larger existence.'” Together, these studies suggest that awe may prompt us to help others and to be more generous, perhaps because of the way it encourages us to focus less on ourselves and expands our perception of available time. 8. Awe can make you feel more connected to other people and humanity Awe has an amazing capacity to bring people together. Research suggests that awe helps us feel more connected to the people in our lives and to humanity as a whole. In one study, participants spent time near an awe-inducing Tyrannosaurus rex skeleton or in a regular hallway. When asked to describe themselves, the dinosaur viewers were more likely use universal descriptors (such as “a person” or “an inhabitant of the Earth”) rather than more specific descriptors (such as “tall,” “friendly,” or “a student”) than the other people, suggesting that awe increases our sense that we are part of a greater whole. Water works: wonder and awe connect you to humanity Another study found that people experiencing awe reported feeling more one with their community compared with people feeling neutral (an effect that may only hold for people with high self-esteem). Interestingly, another part of this study found evidence that culture may also influence awe’s effects, leading people from individualistic cultures to feel as if their social network has expanded (they feel closer to more people) and people from collectivistic cultures to feel closer to those already in their network. As a 15-year-old science, awe research is literally in its adolescence. This means that many of the findings discussed in this article are based on very few studies (and thus should be taken with a grain of salt). What researchers don’t know about awe far eclipses what they do know. For example, we don’t know much about how awe affects children throughout development, how awe is related to religious and spiritual experiences, and how awe can be used therapeutically. And researchers are just beginning to explore the neuroscience of awe. But with increasing interest among psychologists and the public in the topic, the future of this research looks bright — maybe even awesome. ● Written by Greater Good Science Center This article originally appeared on Greater Good, the online magazine of the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley. happiness.com is honoured to republish them with the kind permission of the Greater Good Science Center. greatergood.berkeley.edu

When Anastasia Fox's best friend, Wes, committed suicide, her world fell apart. Trying to make sense of why he took his own life has been a long and painful struggle. Now feeling happier and stronger, this is her story of hope. Why do people commit suicide? What drives someone to end their own life? What goes through their mind, their heart, their being, when they make that decision? What happens to the people left behind, grieving their loss? And how do you cope when a friend commits suicide? How can you deal with that? These are all questions that have run through my head time and time again. In many ways, I can answer most of those questions from my own attempted suicide, but grieving his loss is something I struggle with daily. Why him? Why did HE do it? There are so many things I could write about Wes. I could go on about what an amazing person he was, how much he loved everyone, the fight he put up for his daughter, or how everyone adored him. I could talk about him all day long, laugh about the stupid things we would do and say... but none of it will ever actually convey just what an amazing human being he was and the lives that he touched. It would never do justice to the man that would literally give the shirt off his back for someone he didn’t know. It’s not everyday that someone like this walks into your life, and in the blink of an eye, is taken. Wesley Michael Clarke, the man that no one really knew his age until he passed away, the father that loved his daughter more than life itself, the friend that made everyone laugh even if he hurt inside, and the life that was taken way too soon. All I can ever hope for is that you finally found that inner peace. You’re a legend, babe. And you’ll always be in my heart. “How do you cope when a friend commits suicide? What happens to the people left behind, grieving their loss?” I don’t think there's one word that I could use to describe how painful it was for me to lose my best friend, or how painful it still is for me to continue on in life without him. We had everything planned out, we had our whole lives ahead of us. Everyone knew how much we loved one another and just how much he meant to me. It didn’t matter the distance between us, the years that past, the people between us; Wes was my Big, and I was his Little. I’m sure on many levels we probably had a pretty toxic relationship, and even I’ll admit, we usually got up to quite a lot of shenanigans, some that were probably quite questionable, but he was my everything. He was the only person that I never questioned if his love for me was real. A loving and well-liked father I met Wes years ago; we had the same group of friends for years. We never really spoke much, but I knew he was really liked and got along with everyone. It wasn’t until my partner and I split and I moved out West, that Wes and I started speaking on a regular basis. He contacted me right away to let me know he would help me out with my kids however he could. He said he would want someone helping with his daughter, too. I knew how much he loved Channel, and not being apart of her life broke him inside. He didn’t want my kids to feel how Channel felt, and even though he wasn’t their father, he played a big role in their lives. Coping with the suicide of a friend: “Wes became my best friend” He would speak of Channel constantly, not just to me, but also told my children about her. He always had photos of her and would take them out for us to see. She was his pride and joy. His eyes would light up so brightly whenever he spoke about her. And when he was with my children, his eyes would also light up. He would always thank me for letting him be apart of their lives and I would always thank him for being apart of mine. “I don’t think there's one word that I could use to describe how painful it was for me to lose my best friend, or how painful it still is for me to continue on in life without him.” I never thought that him helping me with my children would start a ten-year relationship and teach me some of life’s most amazing lessons. As a newly single mom, I was trying to get my life back together and working ridiculously long hours at work. I couldn’t afford the daycare and was left with very few other options for my children. Wes did whatever he could to be there for them, and for me. 7 healing quotes on grief to inspire Holiday grief – 10 tips for coping during emotional times The 8 types of grief explained He would often leave his job early to travel about 45 minutes across the city to come help me out. He would pick my kids up from daycare, cook them dinner, painted their nails, did their hair, took them to their school plays. There were mornings he would get up with them for breakfast, take them to school, and just be there for them when I couldn’t. He stepped into a parent role when I couldn’t. They still spoke with their father often; they missed him a lot and Wes tried to be there for them through that. He explained to them on numerous occasions he was never trying to replace their father, but if they needed anything, he would be there. He often would phone their dad so they could speak with him. Friends for ever Eventually I was working a job that I didn’t need so much help, and by that point, Wes, had become my best friend. He worked in construction, and would often call me about 100 times a day just to see if I was OK or needed something. He would get into quite a lot of trouble for always being on the phone with me, so he would hide somewhere in the building and call me from a closet, or a basement, just to hear my voice. Wes: a big man with an even bigger heart No one could make me laugh the way Wes could. I never would have imagined I would be writing something in his memory, not like this. I could write a book just on the things we would joke about, the never-ending drama between us, the laughs, the arguments, everything. Every day with Wes was a new experience. No matter what happened between us, we always came back together. There were times we would get into really big fights and stop talking for a few months at a time, instead of making up right away, we’d both write down on paper what we wanted to tell the other one, and as soon as we started speaking again, we’d exchange papers and laugh. It never mattered the amount of time that went by, we would just pick up where we left off. I’m not sure why we never officially dated; I suppose he always had a girlfriend and I always had a boyfriend. We would cheat on our partners to be with one another, but we never wanted to be together, or at least for that moment. Everyone always asked why we weren’t together. We never made our love a secret, we never hid anything, our life was fairly public. We made a pact when I was 22 that if I wasn’t married by the time I was 30, we’d marry one another. I didn’t think that instead of marrying my best friend on my 30th birthday, I’d be saying goodbye. “No one could make me laugh the way Wes could. Every day with him was a new experience. No matter what happened between us, we always came back together.” “We ride together, we die together” I started dating someone that ended up being one of the most violent people I had ever met. I had a number of hospital stays and Wes was always there when I would wake up; he was always there to ask me what the hell I was doing. I always made light of the situation but I know he knew I was lying. Why didn’t he do more to stop me? I don’t know, some might say that is a bad best friend, I don’t think I really gave him any other option. After one particular hospital stay, Wes brought me home, and I had asked him to stay a bit. It was a rainy day, and we sat on my couch watching TV. I didn’t want to speak, I just lay against him crying, while he held on to me. He was crying too. I loved listening to his heart beat, it reminded me that I was still alive. There were plenty of times that if felt like Wes was my heart beat. He would often tell me that his heart beat for me. The movie Bad Boys II came on and he held on to me tightly and sang the song. I remember giggling about it and just holding on to him tighter. I would give anything to be back at that moment. To feel him close to me, hear his heart beat again. I would give anything to have just one more day with you, Wes. There’s a part of the movie where they say “We ride together, we die together, bad boys for life”. I remember how his face lit up and he whispered it back to me and told me how much he loved me and that he’d always be there for me. That became OUR phrase; no matter where we were, what we were doing, or who we were with. If one of us would say, “We ride together, we die together” the other would always respond with, “Bad boys for life.” Anastasia had her and Wes's saying tattooed as a reminder The years went on and our relationship grew. Not a day went by that he didn’t call me to tell me how much I meant to him, how much he loved me and how he wished I saw myself the way he and others did. He was there for me through thick and thin. It didn’t matter what time of night or day it was, he was always there for me. In that time we came up with so many of our own inside jokes, our own plans, our own fantasies, our own world. My friend committed suicide: why? So, where did it go wrong? I thought I knew my best friend. I thought we told each other everything. He saved my life on more than one occasion, so why didn’t I save his? When I had tried to commit suicide a few years back, he was so angry with me, he yelled at me, cried, told me how stupid I was for trying, telling me I couldn’t leave him behind. He told me he would fight for me when I couldn’t do it myself, but that I needed to get the idea of death out of my head. So, why did he do it? Why did he leave me behind? It all happened so suddenly. One day we spoke as we normally did and nothing seemed out of the ordinary. We finished the conversation with our normal banter. He told me how much he loved me, how he’d always be there for me, reminded me of how we were getting married that year, promised he’d never leave me. I told him how much I hated him, that I couldn’t imagine my life without him and that he was my best friend. We joked about how we were Bonnie and Clyde... except neither one of us wanted to be Bonnie, so we argued about how we would both be Clyde, and we ended our conversation with “We ride together, we die together... bad boys for life.” And that was the last I ever spoke to him. “I thought I knew my best friend. I thought we told each other everything. He saved my life on more than one occasion, so why didn’t I save his?” A couple of days went by and I didn’t hear from him. I thought it was a bit strange but I figured he was just really busy. A few more days went by and I knew something wasn’t right. We hadn’t argued about anything, so I knew there was no reason to not speak. I didn't want to overthink it, but that’s when I got the phone call. A phone call that changed my life and that no one should ever receive. I didn’t want to believe it at first, it just seemed so out of place. I thought for sure this was just a sick joke, but as I signed on to social media, I saw post after post about his passing. I can’t even explain what really went through my mind, what my body felt. There was no way. It was my worst nightmare. I couldn’t even cry. I had so many questions and there was a part of me that didn’t want to hear the answers. The next few days are a complete haze, I just went completely on auto pilot. I blamed/blame myself, for everything. What didn’t I see? Why didn’t I stop him? How could I have stopped him? Did he say something to me and I didn’t listen? Why did he leave me? RELATED: Male loneliness – the ticking time bomb that's killing men I know most of these thoughts were completely selfish, but, at that moment, I felt like a part of my heart and being, died that day along with him. I became super depressed and ended up going on medical leave from work because I couldn’t focus on anything. My heart was completely broken. I wasn’t sleeping at night, I didn’t want to sleep. I was afraid I wouldn’t feel him close to me. “I blamed/blame myself, for everything. What didn’t I see? Why didn’t I stop him? How could I have stopped him? Did he say something to me and I didn’t listen?” My biggest fear was forgetting him. Why did I have that fear? I have no idea. I was terrified of forgetting Wes, of him becoming just another dead person. And I didn’t want that to happen. I had lost so many people in my life, but losing him, shattered me inside. I blamed myself on so many levels and hated myself for not being able to save him. Dealing with the suicide of a friend: Wes loved animals I was also so angry at him for leaving me behind. I was so angry he broke a promise to me. I was so angry he did what he was so angry that I tried. I would lay awake at night in the fetal position, just holding on to my heart crying myself to sleep. How was I supposed to get through this life without him? My whole existence was so engulfed in Wes. Everything I did, wanted to do, he was a part of. Nothing made sense to me anymore. Not that it ever did before, but now, even less. I eventually had to call a suicide hotline and started attending suicide counselling. I remember every time I went, I would just sit in the chair and cry; often times they would just leave me in the room with one person sitting close to me in case I needed the support. My heart was so broken. I didn’t want to speak, I didn’t know how. I had nothing to say. It became one of the darkest times of my life. It’s been a fight ever since. Coping with the suicide of my friend A few months after his death, someone mentioned to me that it may help me getting an emotional support dog as I couldn’t seem to pull myself back up. They said that a dog would give me purpose again, or a different outlook on life. I felt quite alone at the time as most people told me I needed to just get over it, or that I shouldn’t still feel the way I felt. I started to feel like maybe I was going crazy because I couldn’t seem to “feel better”. I decided to look into adopting a dog. I would spend hours just looking through website after website of dog shelters, and none of them seemed to click with me. And then one day I came across an American Staffordshire Terrier that was in a shelter close to me. Something about him called my attention; he seemed to remind me of someone. I called to make an appointment and after a few calls back and forth, I found myself walking up the driveway. When I arrived, there were two big enclosures, one filled with dogs jumping up and down, barking, and in the other one, a calm-looking dog, fairly large in size and uninterested in the world around him, not barking, not making a sound. He looked at me but showed little interest. They let me inside with him and he didn’t want to have anything to do with me. I fell in love instantly. I knew right away this was MY dog. I could have taken him home that day, but I decided I wanted to have his paperwork first. The 8 types of friends we all need Understanding the power of friendship The 6 qualities of true friendship I came back two weeks later, paperwork in hand, and excited to bring him home. When it came time to fill out the paperwork, they asked me what his name was going to be; Clyde, his name is Clyde. He fits this name perfectly. Clyde was a big boy, and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little intimidated by him. I didn’t know too much about his life, so didn’t want to force my love on him, I just let him come to me when he was ready. The second day I had him we were sitting on my couch, I sat on one end, and Clyde on the other end. I wasn’t sure what to do with this massive dog, so I just sat there calmly. At one point he lay down beside me with his head on my lap. I was so excited. I started to pet him but trying not to stress him out with my excitement. And then I noticed something on his nose and couldn’t believe my eyes. Clyde had the same heart on his nose that I had tattooed on my face: it was a sign. Anastasia's heart tattoo and the similar marking on Clyde So, rewind a bit. A couple days after Wes had passed away, I tattooed a small heart underneath my eye. I picked a heart because it felt like I was crying my heart out, and I wanted people to ask me why I had a heart of my face; I wanted to tell people about Wes and what an amazing person he was, and Clyde had the same heart on his face. I couldn’t believe my eyes. To me, it was like Wes had sent Clyde to me. And suddenly I knew I was going to be OK and that Wes would always be there looking out for me. “He taught me about love” It’s been three years now since Wes committed suicide, and I can’t say that the pain has gone away, or even subsided. There are still days that coping with the suicide of my best friend is impossible. I feel completely shattered inside. There are days that it’s still hard to breathe, and that I blame myself. Most days, I just brush it to the side and try to keep busy. There's a big part of me that still doesn’t understand why it had to be him. I’ve tried to take the good out of this but I also struggle to really understand what can be good about my best friend taking his own life? It’s taken me a long time to accept that he’s gone, and there's still a part of me that hasn’t accepted it. One of the things that helped me a lot, was writing a letter to myself, from him. Maybe it sounds silly, but it brought a lot of closure. I know he wouldn’t want me to be sad, I know he definitely wouldn’t want me to cry. It would break his heart. I know he would want me to move on with my life and let myself love again and be loved. And when I wrote that letter to myself, it was as if there was a part of me that was finally able to let go, maybe not 100 per cent, but a lot more than before. It also helped me to see a bit more clearly what I learned from Wes. The greatest lesson he taught me was about love. The love we had for one another is something that not everyone experiences. We built an empire of love. Our love. It didn’t make sense to anyone else, and that didn’t matter, because it didn’t really make sense to us either. And sometimes that’s the best kind. “There are still days that coping with the suicide of my friend is impossible. I feel completely shattered inside. There are days that it’s still hard to breathe, and that I blame myself.” Like many things, I didn’t understand what I had right in front of me until it was gone, except this time, it was really gone. All those years I was searching for love. I knew I had love in my ways, but the love that Wes showed me, was unconditional, pure, simple and yet so complex, and it was right in front of me. I took for granted our love and our relationship: I thought it would always be there, I thought he would always be there. I learned about beauty; that even with all my flaws and imperfections, that they were what made me who I was and I could chose to love myself and work on what I needed to. I learned to cherish what I had in front of me, live in the present because tomorrow is never promised. I learned to tell others how much they meant to me and appreciate the little things. I learned that it wasn’t worth it to hold a grudge, to stay angry, or be mean to others. We fought like crazy, and about really stupid things, but we always made up. I learned to laugh at myself and not to be so serious. “Wes taught me about love” I learned to love again. He brought me through some really difficult times in my life and there were times I didn’t know how I would stand up again, and not only would he push me to get back up, but how to get up and smile again. He taught me how to keep laughing, even when I felt dead inside. “I learned to cherish what I had in front of me, live in the present because tomorrow is never promised. I learned to tell others how much they meant to me and appreciate the little things.” He taught me to find the positive side of life. He taught me that I wasn’t really broken inside, maybe a little bruised, but that I just had to fight a little bit more and that I was going to be fine. He taught me to believe in myself, and when I didn’t, he did. He pushed me in ways that no one else had done before. Maybe I didn’t see these things when he was alive, and unfortunately it took his passing for me to understand them. I will never be able to bring him back, but I know that he still lives on in my heart. The gratitude I have for his life and what he showed me, is overflowing. I still hurt inside, and I don’t know when that will stop. His life and everything that surrounded him was so beautiful, and that beauty lives on. ● If you're struggling to cope with the suicide of a friend, the NHS has a great guide and the APA also has some useful tips. Share your thoughts below on how you are coping and if you have any tips to share... happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Join free now and: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine ■ share and support in our happiness forum ■ Develop with free online Academy classes Friendship | Grief | Loneliness | Trust Written by Anastasia Fox Anastasia Fox is a Barcelona-based freelancer with a passion for life and a willingness to help others.

Work is an intrinsic part of our lives, so it’s better if we can enjoy it. Cristina Jardón talked with Arlo Laibowitz about why listening, compassion and mindfulness are essential workplace tools... The second International Mindfulness & Compassion at Work Summit took place in Madrid on the 26th and 27th of April 2018. We were able to shoot interviews with five of the amazing speakers, including Cristina Jardón, an expert trainer in emotional intelligence, mindfulness and self-compassion. This is what she says about herself: "Restless and curious. Here I am. Optimist of birth and by training. Passionate about the simple life, without more. Spirituality and transcendence are two of my great values." Enjoy the full video interview with Cristina below. .embed-container { position: relative; padding-bottom: 56.25%; height: 0; overflow: hidden; max-width: 100%; } .embed-container iframe, .embed-container object, .embed-container embed { position: absolute; top: 0; left: 0; width: 100%; height: 100%; } Also, part of this mini-series, our interview with Bodhin Philip Woodward on the impact of mindfulness and compassion in your daily life, plus our interview with the organizers of co-founders of the summit, Liz Hall and Luis San Martin and Dr Jutta Tobias on her research on compassion in teams beyond the mindfulness intervention. ● Written by Arlo Laibowitz Arlo is a filmmaker, artist, lecturer, and intermittent practitioner of metta meditation and morning yoga. When not dreaming about impossible projects and making them happen in the most impractical ways possible, he journals, listens to jazz, or cuddles with his better half.

Fed up with the almost constant stream of bad news that seems to flow into your consciousness? If so, you're not alone. Read on to discover just a few of the brighter things that happened over the course of November 2017 in our positive news round-up from Ed Gould. 1. Dogs love human smiles Humans might be the only animals capable of smiling, but dogs can recognise the facial alteration in humans they know and, therefore, detect happiness. What's more, they respond positively. Research at the University of Helsinki has revealed that dogs seeing their owners smile will prevent them from feeling fear and improve their emotional well-being! The professor who led the study said that the effects of smiling promote dog-human communications no end. The key to the way in which dogs focus on their visual world, and see their owners smiling, is a hypothalamic neuropeptide oxytocin, which also affects the social behaviour of other mammals, including humans. Furry good news: canines can detect – and share – happiness in their owners 2. Origami inspires engineering breakthrough Scientists from Harvard University and the Massachusetts Institute of Technology have used techniques drawn from the ancient Japanese art of paper folding, origami, to develop new lightweight engineering techniques. Developing robot muscles and skeletons for limbs means needing a light, but stable structure and using paper folding methods has led to some remarkable results in the field of robotics. 3. Woman with Downs Syndrome breaks down barriers US beauty pageants may not be everyone's thing, perhaps because they seem to promote conformity to a particular look or lifestyle. However, one entrant to a pageant in Minnesota in November broke the mould because she entered even though she has Downs Syndrome. In a first for America, it turns out that Mikayla Holmgren was the first entrant in Miss USA to have any form of disability. Holmgren won Miss Minnesota Junior Miss Amazing in 2015 and is now set to continue her career. 4. Irish scientists offer hope to those with Parkinson's Disease A debilitating disease for those who have it and their loves ones, Parkinson's patients have been offered a ray of light thanks to work conducted at the National University of Ireland in Galway. Publishing their findings in the academic journal Scientific Reports, the team claimed that brain repair for people living with Parkinson’s can happen. Their method means replacing the dead brain cells they find and transplanting healthy ones in their place. In more positive news, Niamh Moriarty, a PhD student who has been working on the project, was recently given a highly competitive Travel Award from the Campaign for Alzheimer’s Research in Europe in recognition of her contribution. 5. New generation of insecticides will not harm bees Bee-friendly insecticides are being developed which will allow farmers to keep their crops safe from pests while protecting bees. Professor Ke Dong, an insect toxicologist at Michigan State University who co-authored a report into the new generation of insecticides, said that his team's observations “open the possibility” of designing a range of new methods of controlling insects which are pests whilst protecting those which are not, namely bees. Buzzing news: essential new insecticides are being developed which will not harm bees 6. Technology used to help reduce suicide risk The social media giant Facebook announced in November that it was starting to use artificial intelligence algorithms to detect whether a user might be at risk of suicide. Essentially, the algorithm it has put together identifies whether a user is showing signs of suicidal thoughts or might be considering self-harming. The idea is for Facebook to then step in, if necessary by alerting emergency services. According to the Times of India, the system is being rolled out from the US to other countries. 7. Research offers new hope to bald people Going bald can be a traumatic thing for both men and women, especially when there's little that can be done about it. However, new scientific work has led to a discovery that may bring some happiness back to those afflicted. A protein that is known to be responsible for hair loss in androgenetic alopecia, the most frequent form of baldness in adults, has been identified. By controlling the protein with a yet-to-be-developed therapy, it should be possible to treat this type of baldness in people in future. In the meantime, the research team has developed a treatment that has been shown to promote follicle growth among mice in the laboratory. 8. Firefighters perform a festive good turn When a man who was hanging up his Christmas lights fell from his ladder, the emergency services in his part of America needed to be called out. Unfortunately, the man in question had to be rescued and then hospitalised due to his injuries. However, the firefighters who came to the scene were not content with that and finished the job of arranging his festive lighting for him to come home to. Now that's real festive spirit! Let there be light: firefighters shared the Christmas spirit when they were called out to a man's home 9. Burns victims face improved recovery According to research undertaken in the UK, something as simple as a vitamin D pill could help untold numbers of people to recover from burns with less scarring. The study has shown that patients with higher levels of vitamin D in their body face fewer complications when they are recovering from a burn injury. Anything from major burns to a little sunburn will be less affected by permanent scarring if patients top up on their vitamin D intake, it's claimed. 10. Cancer modelling may lead to diminished numbers of animal tests The Institution of Engineering and Technology awarded a prize fund that will be used to create three dimensional engineered functional cancers, following a breakthrough in the technology. Professor Rui L Reis, who is based at the University of Minho in Portugal, won the prize to continue his modelling work which, it is hoped, will mean fewer animals are tested in medical laboratories when regenerative therapies need to be assessed. That has to be positive news for all animal lovers. ● Photos: Colourbox.com Written by Ed Gould Ed Gould is a UK-based journalist and freelance writer. He is a practitioner of Reiki.

Young people often struggle with grief following a loss, but a new app, Apart of Me, could help change that. Tine Steiss sat down with co-founder Louis Weinstock to find out more about this exciting project. Louis Weinstock is the co-founder of Bounce Works, a London-based social enterprise that creates connected products to help kids thrive. Apart of Me is its latest project; a safe virtual space to help young people deal with grief. Designed by experts in child psychology and bereaved young people, Apart of Me is a ground-breaking mobile game which helps young people cope with life-limiting illness, death and loss. It enables users to record and securely store memories of loved ones, build emotional resilience, and turn their suffering into a source of hope for others. The game was launched following a successful crowd-funding campaign in 2017. We sat down with Louis Weinstock to find out more about this now award-winning project. How did you come up with the idea for Apart of Me? Louis Weinstock: “I was working in St Joseph's Hospice in Hackney (London, UK), counselling both families where a parent had a terminal illness and also bereaved young people. I saw how the young people I was working with were just a tiny fraction of the numbers of young people around the world dealing with the death of a loved one without the means or support to process their often very difficult feelings. “I saw how unresolved grief can lead to much greater problems like drug addiction, mental illness and criminality further down the line. I also saw how bereaved young people had their digital memories of their loved one kept in chaotic ways on their phone amongst pictures they wouldn't want to share with their therapist or anyone over the age of 21! This made it difficult, awkward for them to honour, remember or talk about their loved one to other people.” Is it in any way comparable to the movie Inside Out, which was an excellent way to engage children in talking about emotions. “I loved the movie Inside Out. And in some ways using an animated medium is the best way to teach anyone about emotions, never mind just children. We do have a 'cave' in the game where the user catches fireflies in a net, and each firefly represents a different emotion. “The user is then supported to experiment with different strategies that can help them find peace with that emotion. But a key difference is that Inside Out is aimed mainly at younger children. Apart of Me is designed for teenagers, so we have used a more nuanced explanation of the emotions around grief, drawing on my experience as a child psychotherapist and 17 years working with children and families.” Watch how Apart of Me works What was the inspiration? “The inspiration was a boy I worked with at the Hospice. He was 15 when I started working with him. His dad had died from liver cancer six months before we met. This boy had been badly affected by his dad’s death: he got kicked out of school, started having around with the wrong crowd, was struggling with his emotions, and had no support. He showed me what happens when a young person doesn't have the right support to find a way through grief. “That’s when I realised we needed to create a highly effective, interactive, therapeutic game to help bereaved young people cope with grief. I'm pleased to say that that boy became an ambassador of Apart of Me and is now doing well. I spoke to him yesterday, and he told me he loved his college course, and he was teaching himself to play the guitar on his dad’s old guitar!” Fantastic! So, what is Apart of Me about? “Apart of Me is based on a character you control, who lands on a beautiful and peaceful island, to meet the Oracle, your wise guide. The Oracle explains that he has been through something similar to you, and he wants to help you to train up to become an Oracle too. Your job is to explore the island, complete the quests, and go through different levels to train to become an Oracle yourself, so that you can share your wisdom with other bereaved young people around the world.” And what's the main mission of the project? “The primary mission is to help young people find hope and courage when someone close to them dies. Too many don’t. Did you know that 25 percent of under 20s who commit suicide have experienced a bereavement in childhood? And that 41 percent of young offenders have lost someone when they were younger? Alongside this mission, we want to help families feel more comfortable talking about death. Being aware that life is precious, a gift can help us all to make the most of each moment.” Which solutions does Apart of Me offer? “So, we have four features in the game at the moment. The images below are probably the best way to demonstrate what we've done so far. Cave: which is about wisdom. The inside of the cave is a mysterious place for catching fireflies, exploring emotions, and hearing user stories from other young people around the world. Message in a bottle: which is about connection. Each day, a new bottle arrives on the island, containing a quest for the hero. These quests encourage face-to-face connections with your parent(s) so that you can co-curate a beautiful treasure-chest of memories, and check in with these memories whenever you want. This feature is a digital version of the 'memory box' practice commonly used in grief counselling. Waterfall: which is about peace. The Waterfall is a place to find some peace with our mindfulness meditations designed to support the grieving process. Perspective on death: What happens when we die? Explore this big question by searching for the mysterious rocks on the island, listen to perspectives old and new, and develop your understanding. Who is the target group? “The primary target group is disadvantaged young people who have a parent who is dying or has already died.” How are those solutions specifically tailored to children? “These solutions are tailored to young people. Traditional counselling is two people sat in a room. While this can be very effective, a lot of young people are more comfortable these days in digital spaces. These are the worlds they inhabit. So all the solutions in this game are based on tried and tested therapeutic techniques, just put into a medium and in a way that young people find highly compelling.” What is the motivation of the people behind this non-profit? “We're motivated by the growing crisis in young people’s mental health. We believe that we need scalable solutions that give young people the perspectives, the understanding, and strategies they need so that they can be free from their suffering and find hope and meaning in their lives.” Which parts of modern research regarding resilience are incorporated and how? “Well, first, it's crucial to say that resilience in grief is difficult to define. What do we mean by resilience? Do we mean feeling better, less sad, or happier? Grief takes so many different forms that it's unhelpful in my clinical opinion to map out a straight line with grief at one end and ‘end-of-grief’ at the other. I love the psychotherapist Patrick O’Malley’s simple clarity: that the depth of a person’s sadness in grief is often a measure of how much love was in that relationship. When somebody close to you dies, life takes on a new meaning, a new story and grief often become a part of that new story. “Most modern research into resilience takes into account the resilience of the system around the young person. So, a young person who has two very supportive parents, a supportive wider family, and a caring school, community or society which allows time and space for people to grieve… that young person is far more likely to find a way through the grief without having scars that are too deep. “So, in the game, we encourage the user to build relationships outside of the game with people they can trust. We are also designing features which allow bereaved young people to support each other in safe and meaningful ways. “Finally, and this is probably the most important, one of the things that breed huge hope and build resilience is when someone who has suffered finds a way to turn their suffering into a source of hope and wisdom for others. In the game, the user’s objective is to train to become an Oracle so that they can upload their wisdom and use that to help other young people who are earlier on in their journey.” How do you plan to move the project forward? What are the next steps? “So, we are about to launch a crowd-funding campaign on Indiegogo. We hope we're going to raise a lot of money, so we can realise the very exciting and important plans we have, including creating a version of this resource for refugee children who are bereaved.” ● 2019 update: Apart of Me is now freely available in the UK, EU, Canada, Australia and New Zealand from both the iOS App Store and on Google Play. Bounce Works are hoping to release Apart of Me in the US and other territories in the near future. They are also planning to create localised versions translated into various languages. If you're interested in helping to customise Apart of Me for young people in your country, please get in touch. Written by Tine Steiss Tine is part of the happiness.com team. She's an artist, meditator, media engineer and MBSR teacher. If she's not traveling she's working on turning her rooftop terrace into a garden paradise. Find out more about her on: Instagram.

Can spicing up your sex life using BDSM techniques promote intimacy between you and your partner, leading to a better relationship and increased happiness? Abi Brown thinks so... 'Kink' and 'BDSM' can seem like intimidating terms for those of us who've never been involved in that type of community. The unknown is always a little scary, after all, and popular media promotes the idea that these lifestyles are strange, mysterious things that go on in grim dungeons between people dressed in latex suits and intimidating leather outfits. Behind all that, though, lies a truth you might be surprised to learn: the true core of BDSM is trust, and trust – as we all know – breeds intimacy and closeness between partners, and is essential to the workings of a healthy and happy relationship. So, what can the rest of us learn from the BDSM community about how this works? Why trust is the core of all good BDSM For people in ongoing kinky relationships, the bond between a dominant partner and their submissive can be one of the strongest and most reliable either of them will ever experience. BDSM takes its practitioners to deep psychological spaces together, and sharing those experiences promotes bonding. It’s also true that you cannot practice safe BDSM with someone you cannot trust, and that every time you give some of your power over to someone and they handle it carefully, they’re proving to you that you can trust them implicitly. For example, when someone is tied up, they’re relying on their partner to set them free again; when someone is being spanked or beaten, they’re counting on their partner to respect their limits and their pain threshold and not to mess it up. All tied up: BDSM play requires trust These practices work like trust exercises; they’re the sexual equivalent of falling backwards into thin air and knowing that your partner will catch you before you hit the ground. Over time, people who engage in these activities together frequently will develop a profound mutual trust that it can be harder to come by in so-called 'vanilla' relationships. Five ways to promote intimacy and trust If all that sounds good to you, don’t worry – nobody is suggesting that you go out and buy yourself a PVC catsuit – unless you think you might enjoy the experience! There’s more than one way to make use of this knowledge. Indeed, you don’t have to be interested in BDSM to be interested in some of the benefits it can bring. “The true core of BDSM is trust, and trust – as we all know – breeds intimacy and is essential to the workings of a healthy and happy relationship.” If you’d like to harness the ability of kink to promote intimacy between you and your partner, why not try out a few of these simple ideas together? You never know: you might discover a whole new world of things that get you both going. 1. Introduce a blindfold to the bedroom Imagine for a moment that you’re experiencing some of the most intense sexual pleasure of your life... but you’re blindfolded. You don’t know exactly what your partner is going to do next, and you’re finding that the physical sensations are heightened by the loss of sight. This is a hugely intense experience for many people, and could completely change the way you feel what’s going on! Almost everyone can enjoy a bit of blindfolded sex: it’s a great way to deepen the sensation of trust between you and your partner. 2. Speak more openly and honestly about your sexual self BDSM encourages people to share their fantasies in ways that other relationship types don’t. There’s a lot to be said for opening up in this way, though. Indeed, there’s nothing more intimate than discovering that your partner is a safe space, to be honest about your deepest desires. After all, and if they’re also interested in trying those things out you might find yourself having some of the best sex you've ever dreamed of. Stay open: discuss your sexual desires and needs 3. Embrace the power of symbols to bring you together We all know what wedding and engagement rings symbolise, but did you know that many people in BDSM relationships have a whole extra symbol that can be equally meaningful to them? Submissive partners will often wear a collar – sometimes a discrete or symbolic one that can be worn all the time – as a reminder of the nature of their relationship. There’s no need to wear a collar unless you happen to want one, of course, but there’s a lot to be said for private symbols that remind you of the bond between you and your beloved – like matching bracelets, for example. 4. Discover the endorphin rush of a light spanking Being spanked causes your brain to produce endorphins, meaning that you can get the same kind of euphoric high from a good spanking as you can from a good workout session. Don’t worry about your pain threshold: ask your partner to start light, and never feel pressured to take anything you’re not comfortable with. In addition to the natural hormonal rush, many people find that spanking is a profoundly intimate activity for both partners and one that can make you feel closer together when you’re done. “There's nothing more intimate than discovering that your partner is a safe space, to be honest about your deepest desires.” 5. Formalize some of your likes, preferences and limits It’s standard practice in the BDSM community to have a list of ‘favourites’ and ‘limits’: things you’re especially keen to do and things that you're not comfortable with doing. This idea has a lot to say for itself in vanilla relationships, too; by being clear and honest with both yourself and your partner about what you like most and what you have no desire to try (or try again). You’ll learn more about your sexual self as well as theirs, and be well on the way to a healthier and happier sex life – complete with all the intimacy that brings. Whatever you choose to do, it’s important to remember that you shouldn't let yourself be pressured into trying things you’re not comfortable with and that trust and safety should be at the forefront of your mind – and your partner’s – at all times. ● Main image: colourbox.com Written by Abi Brown Abi Brown is a freelance writer and general pen-for-hire devoted to sexual deviancy, far-left politics and wearing too much jewellery.

Many people believe that mindfulness makes us happier. But how does mindful living improve our authenticity (sense of self), or our happiness? New research sheds light on some of these fascinating questions. Does mindfulness really make us happier? If you've been working on living a mindful life, you may instinctively want to answer yes. Perhaps you've reduced the stress in your life, or at least improved your ability to handle it. You may have focused your effort on the things that really matter to you. Or maybe you just feel a greater sense of confidence and comfort in yourself. Although many of us can feel the benefits in our lives, there hasn't been a lot of scientific evidence so far to back up these ideas. However, that's starting to change. New studies are shedding light not only on whether mindfulness affects psychological well-being but also how. Two recent studies from researchers in Australia and the United States have examined the ways in which mindfulness affects our sense of self and behaviour. Both studies provide fascinating insights into the ways in which mindful living can affect fundamental parts of our identity. Mindfulness and sense of self A 2016 study carried out by researchers at the University of Utah investigated the "self-concept clarity" of university students. Self-concept clarity (SCC) is the extent to which an individual has a clear definition of their own beliefs and traits which remain consistent over time. Individuals with high SCC have a strong sense of self – a clear image of who they are. This view isn't necessarily accurate, of course – SCC isn't the same thing as self-knowledge, but it's stable. “The evidence so far suggests that authenticity may be one of the most important connections between mindful living and well-being.” There is an association with high SCC, positive relationships, high self-esteem and a greater sense of independence. Not much is known about where exactly it comes from. However, this study suggests that the connection is with intentional and non-judgmental awareness. In other words, mindfulness. The study revealed that more mindful participants had greater SCC, and that both mindful living and strong sense of self were correlated with psychological well-being. In fact, the relation between a mindful disposition and well-being through SCC was higher than the correlation between mindfulness and well-being alone. The authors of the study conclude that mindful individuals may improve their well-being in several ways. These individuals avoid conflicting self-images, which can lead to distress. They may more frequently identify behaviour that will improve their psychological well-being and sense of self-esteem. Mindfulness and authenticity A second study, conducted by researchers at the National University of Australia and Catholic University of Australia in 2016, shows some results that reveal further information about the connection between mindful living and values-based actions. According to the study, values-based action – action and behaviour consistent with an individual's values and beliefs – are an important part of the relationship between a mindful disposition and psychological well-being. Individuals who were more mindful tended to act more consistently with their own values and therefore tended to be happier. In fact, the researchers found that the connection between mindfulness and well-being through values-based action was much stronger than the direct link. Mindful individuals saw an increase in well-being primarily when they showed authenticity in action. Lesson to learn: authenticity equals happiness! © Ingram Image Psychological well-being Both studies suggest a correlation between mindful individuals and psychological well-being. It's worth taking a moment to examine the concept in a little more detail. Psychological well-being (PWB) basically reflects what we would think of as happiness: an individual's level of satisfaction with various aspects of their life. It's not a simple concept, though. Well-being breaks down into two further categories: hedonic and eudaimonic well-being. Hedonic well-being focuses on experiencing pleasure and avoiding pain. When we're comfortable, well-fed and enjoying ourselves, our sense of hedonic well-being is high. Eudaimonic well-being bases itself more on the happiness that comes from self-actualisation. Our sense of eudaimonic well-being is high when we feel that what we are doing is worthwhile and that we can fulfill our potential. Authenticity of action is vital to this sense of well-being. Relating authenticity and self-image Both studies may show some of the connection between a mindful disposition and well-being. In the University of Utah study, mindful individuals did not suffer from some of the distress that can come from a confused or contradictory sense of self. In fact, they had clearer ideas of who they were. This may have allowed them to select actions and relationships that satisfied their values. In the Australian study, well-being came from authenticity: individuals who acted on their values tended to be happier. “Individuals who were more mindful tended to act more consistently with their own values and therefore tended to be happier.” But, of course, the two are inseparable. A strong sense of self is vital to values-based action, since people with lower self-concept clarity may not even really be sure of their own values. Putting it into practice Of course, these are just two studies, and, as always, further research is needed. But the evidence so far suggests that authenticity may be one of the most important connections between mindful living and well-being. Maintaining a mindful disposition can make us more aware of ourselves and our values, which is vital. But these values won't contribute as much to our well-being unless we put them into action. By identifying what our core beliefs are – what's really important to us – we can identify the actions that we need to carry out to put those beliefs into practice. Hopefully, putting our core beliefs into practice makes the world a better place. But it's also an important part of building our sense of well-being. When we act with authenticity – when we're true to our own sense of self – we develop the habits that contribute to our own happiness. ● Main image: Ingram Image Written by Guest Author We're happy to publish articles by guest authors that will broaden the perspective and bring new insights. If you're interested in publishing an article here on happiness.com, please contact us.

MBSR or mindfulness-based stress reduction is a technique growing in popularity. Ed Gould takes a look at the science behind it and the growing list of physical and mental positive effects on the body... Do you want to alter the way your mind works to gain a greater understanding of the here and now? Are you thinking about which strategies you can use for dealing with pain, inattentiveness or stress? Worried that any approach you might take is not bound up in real scientific research? If so, then MBSR – mindfulness-based stress reduction – may be the practice you've been looking for. The techniques involved are simple; anyone can learn them with persistence. Thorough research from various leading medical experts in their fields has revealed some impressive facts about this practice. The key effects of MBSR Mindfulness-based stress reduction is something that can bring tremendous benefits to anyone who takes it up. While it's not a substitute for treating more serious medical conditions, it does have many benefits. As with most things in life, creating a balance is key. Once you become better-versed in the mindfulness techniques and training, they can have a widely-accepted therapeutic effect for any of the following conditions: stress high blood pressure depression chronic anxiety migraine headaches diabetes some heart conditions In particular, common uses for MBSR are for controlling the often debilitating effects of chronic pain, a frequently unwanted symptom of several of the above-listed ailments. But, how can such claims be made? According to Dr Daniel J. Siegel, a professor of clinical psychiatry at the UCLA School of Medicine, scientific studies and research programs have regularly shown that MBSR is effective in reducing stress in all these conditions and more. Keeping calm: MBSR helps to reduce stress In addition to the medical effects that mindfulness can have, many people use the techniques involved to improve their daily lives. Everyday tasks, such as cooking, cleaning, going for a walk, can all be performed using mindfulness techniques. According to Jon Kabat-Zinn, Professor of Medicine at the University of Massachusetts, taking a mindful approach is as focused on being as fully awake in life as it is when dealing with medical ailments. “It's about perceiving the exquisite vividness of each moment," he says. Therefore, stress-reducing mindfulness can have a powerful effect on individuals who consistently practice the techniques. Even those who don't suffer from excessive amounts of anxiety and mental anguish can benefit from mindfulness. The history of MBSR The science of mindfulness has been a crucial part in creating its modern history. It had its start in America in 1979. Numbers were small, but as word spread of its positive effects, numbers grew. The 35-year history of the course program has revealed to science that it can deliver a consistent and reliable improvement in individuals suffering from stress and other related symptoms. This betterment is present in both medical and psychological symptoms. MBSD was pioneered by Kabat-Zinn, who successfully brought together modern Western traditions of science and medicine together with ancient mindfulness techniques from the Far East. Indeed, mindfulness can trace its roots back hundreds, if not thousands, of years to transcendentalism and Buddhism. Centered in and around the Middle East, India and China, mindfulness takes hold in various religions and philosophies. "Meditation is the only intentional, systematic human activity which at bottom is about not trying to improve yourself or get anywhere else, but simply to realize where you already are." Jon Kabat-Zinn The word mindfulness is essentially a translation into English of the Indian Pali word sati or smrti in Sanskrit. Sometimes translated as 'awareness', sati is one of the fundaments of Buddhist thought. These concepts have a broad range of ways in which they can be practised, similar to anapanasati and satipaṭṭhāna, which are popular in Zen Buddhism. These ideas focus on mindfulness and awareness of sensory experiences. Notable scientific studies into MBSR effects According to Philippe R. Goldin and James J. Gross in their study 'Emotion Regulation in Social Anxiety Disorder', one of the key findings of MBSR research is that it has measurable effects on emotional regulation. Goldin and Gross point out that reducing stress, anxiety, and depression is possible by using these techniques. This result was due to the modifying emotion regulation abilities which mindfulness practices can create. Peace, please: mindfulness can regulate emotions so try MBSR The study also shows that people involved in this research program were able to achieve emotional regulation in a number of different ways. These included changing situations by selection, modifying situations, attentional deployment and response modulation. Another key factor in the scientifically noted emotional regulation detected in participants resulted in cognitive change. Further research studies have been carried out to determine the impact of mindfulness-based stress reduction on social anxiety disorder, a common psychiatric condition. According to one critical study, carried out by Koszycki et al. in 2007, results from the study showed a like-for-like improvement in patients with the disorder was achievable by participating in an eight-week MBSR course, compared with a 12-week cognitive–behavioural group therapy course. Although both programs produced improvements in the mood, functionality, and quality of life for the participants, the study also revealed significantly lower scores for anxiety, especially with cognitive behavioural therapies compared with MBSR, as rated by both clinicians and patients. “Mindfulness-based stress reduction is something that can bring tremendous benefits to anyone who takes it up.” In a 1998 study conducted on medical students, a control group who underwent an MBSR course showed reduced stress levels. Published in the American Journal of Behavioural Medicine, Shapiro et al.'s study showed that there was a reduction of reports from the group of overall psychological distress, including depression. Furthermore, the group stated that they felt increased levels of empathy. They also measured their spiritual existence with higher scores at the end of the course. Fields of use for stress-reducing mindfulness According to Judith Ockene Ph D at the University of Massachusetts Medical School in this video, there are many areas of use for mindfulness-based stress reduction. Early scientific studies showed that psoriasis patients saw improved results after their phototherapy treatments. Two control groups were created. One group listened to a guided mindfulness audio during their treatment, the other group heard no accompanying audio. This study, it should be noted, centred on the physical ailments of psoriasis and not the mental aspects. By simply reducing the stress levels of the patients who underwent their treatments, scientifically demonstrable improvements demonstrated the effects of the physical outcomes from using the mindfulness audio. Now's the time: why not take the free course in MBSR? Much of the recent scientific research into MBSR focusses on mental health, with a particular focus on conditions like depression. But mindfulness can be a powerful tool in the field of medicine across many disciplines and therapeutic avenues. For example, according to Lawrence Leung, Associate Professor at the Department of Family Medicine at Queen's University, Canada, MBSR techniques are also used to help patients cope with chronic non-cancer related pain and a range of other conditions. These matters eventually affect up to half of the world's population at some time or another. With such wide-ranging uses, it seems that the medical possibilities for mindfulness are limitless. All it takes is new ways of imagining its practical application. If you' re keen to try out mindfulness techniques yourself, you can take this 100% free 8-week MBSR course, created by a fully certified MBSR instructor and modelled on the program founded by Jon Kabat-Zinn. ● Main image: Colorbox.com Written by Ed Gould Ed Gould is a UK-based journalist and freelance writer. He's also a practitioner of Reiki.

Fulfilling relationships are about all good communication, and as kink or BDSM relationships are very much based around talking, Kayla Lords suggests we look at them deeper to learn more about developing long-lasting and honest relationships... Ask someone what they think of when you say “kink” or “BDSM” and, even if they’re not into kink at all, it’ll be something about pain or rope or leather. You’ll also talk about sex and fetishes. A lot of people focus on what makes kink stand out from non-kink. That’s the fun part for a lot of us, but there’s another level to many kinky and fulfilling relationships that anyone can benefit from doing in their own relationship. Kink and BDSM don’t work unless both parties are willing to communicate with each other. And you don’t have to be kinky for that to be good for your relationship. It’s both as simple as and as hard as doing very specific things: Say what you feel – good or bad Communicate your desires, even the ones that are new to you or you’re ashamed of Share your fears – about sex, relationships, and everything else Listen to each other – without thinking of what you’re going to say next Reserve judgement It’s important not to be judgmental about what the other person is telling you. They may admit to a curious desire to something you find repulsive. Instead of judging them based on how you feel about it, let them know it’s safe to talk to you. We have a saying in BDSM: Your kink isn’t my kink, but your kink is okay. The same is true outside of kink. You don’t have to want something for yourself for it to be okay for your partner. Undress the truth: fulfilling relationships are based around honesty Communication isn’t only about sex, though. Sharing fears, concerns, and worries that you have at work, at school, in your relationship, and in life bring you closer to each other. You’ll develop a trust and a bond that comes with knowing each other intimately. Be open to new things In a BDSM relationship, we discuss both hard and soft limits, as well as our desires. A hard limit is something you have no desire to try; it may even disgust you to imagine it. A soft limit is something that you’re unsure of, maybe even nervous about, but you would try it – at least once. This works when you’re not kinky, too. “Communication isn’t only about sex, though. Sharing fears, concerns, and worries that you have at work, at school, in your relationship, and in life bring you closer to each other.” Fulfilling relationships aren't always about sex. You may have a no-pet policy in your relationship, but you’d be willing to consider a goldfish. You may say you hate to travel, but if your partner was with you, you’d consider a road trip. The growth of a relationship is proportional to the growth of the people in that relationship. When you try new things, whether it’s a new sexual position or you ride a roller coaster for the first time, you learn something about yourself, and you grow. Successful relationships, kinky or not, thrive on trying new things. It fosters communication, experimentation, new ideas, and new opinions. Every relationship can benefit from that. Understanding consent The quickest way to break someone’s trust is to violate their consent. Most of the time, we’re talking about sex when we discuss consent. In a kinky relationship, not everything we do is sexual. Sometimes it’s about the kinky play – being tied up, being blindfolded, or anything not directly related to sexual intercourse. When you say no, whether it’s a clear, “No!” or a safeword like, “Purple banana!” or you don’t enthusiastically say yes to any activity, that lack of consent must be respected. Behind the sheets: don't be afraid to talk about what you want in sex It’s important to understand consent on a deeper level, for both parties. If you’re going to try something new, you’ll want to be able to give informed consent. This means that you have some idea of what to expect, what will happen, and what it will feel like. Your “new thing” could be a new restaurant, meeting someone new, or a new vibrator. We feel more at ease about our decisions when we have an idea of what to expect. Saying yes to something blindly can lead to bad surprises. And having someone ignore you when you say no will too. It will also create a crack in your relationship that can be hard to repair, and may break your relationship. Consent should be informed, understood, clear, and, above all, respected. Taking care of each other In BDSM, there's always a top and a bottom or a dominant and a submissive. One controls, the other gives up control. One has the power, the other consents to that power. What most people don’t realize, however, is that in the best BDSM relationships, each person takes care of the other. We fulfill each other’s needs as much as we can. We help each other. We build each other up, care for each other, and nurture our passions and goals. Every relationship can benefit from a bit of care. Even if your relationship isn’t one you expect to last forever, while you’re together, genuinely try to make that person’s life a little better. It may only be better while you’re in each other’s presence, and it should never violate your own ethics and morals, but asking how their day went, giving them a hug, encouraging them in their goals – these are all ways to easily take care of someone. Celebrate your differences Yes, compatibility is important in any relationship. If you didn’t have a single thing in common, things could get awkward and boring quickly. That being said, where you’re different there are opportunities to learn and grow as individuals. “In the best BDSM relationships, each person takes care of the other. We fulfill each other’s needs as much as we can. We help each other.” Don’t shame or allow yourself to be shamed for wanting or liking something different than your partner. Instead, use it as a place to begin a new journey for yourself, with your partner, or, if you’re interested in a more open relationship, with someone new. An open relationship won’t work without openness, honesty, integrity, trust, and constant communication in your relationship. When people think about BDSM or kink, sex and fetish are usually the first things that come to mind. It’s what excites some people and turns others off. But there’s much more to kinky relationships than that. Look beneath the surface, and you’ll find bonds that run deep. Everyone can benefit and find satisfaction from the things that really make fulfilling relationships work. Main image: Colourbox.com Written by Kayla Lords Kayla Lords is a freelance writer, sex blogger, and a masochistic babygirl living the 24/7 D/s life. She hosts a weekly podcast, Loving BDSM, where she and her Dominant talk about loving BDSM in a loving D/s relationship and share what they've learned and experienced as a kinky couple.

When we think of meditation, we often think of sitting still in the lotus position. However, meditation can involve moving your body too, and 5Rhythms dance is a great way of incorporating movement into meditation. Many people tend to shy away from dance classes, afraid of not being able to keep up with the pace of a choreography, or because they are body- or self-conscious. Luckily, this isn't the case for 5Rhythms dance. This movement meditation invites everyone – no matter their size, age, complexion, gender or flexibility – to lose themselves in the world of dance 5Rhythms dance and its health benefits Gabrielle Roth, the founder of 5Rhythms, describes the dance as a “soul journey”, but apart from this, there are many benefits dancing provides to our health. According to The New England Journal of Medicine, dancing frequently doesn’t only increase memory, but it's the greatest risk reduction activity against dementia as we get older. In fact, during late adulthood, the hippocampus (the part of the brain that controls memory) naturally shrinks, and in some cases can lead to dementia or Alzheimer’s disease. However, the cerebral cortex and hippocampus rewire themselves the more you use it, resulting in greater cognitive reserves. RELATED: Cognitive impairment – 5 key ways to reduce the risk as you age Mobility is crucial to cognitive processes and, according to the study, dancing merges several functions at once –kinesthetic, rational, musical, and emotional function – further increasing your neural connectivity. It's emphasized that choreography is not actually necessary but that it’s the split-second decisions on movement that count. Even if dancing with a partner is not really necessary in 5Rhythms, having so-called 'dance-versations' with someone else reduces stress built up during the day, The Journal of Applied Gerontology confirms. And whether you decide to take a partner or go solo, swaying on the dance floor boosts your mood overall. Studies have also shown that there's an improvement in balance and energy increase in people who include low-impact workouts (aerobics and dance) into their lives. 5Rhythms dance can have great health benefits 5Rhythms: what exactly is it? 5Rhythms started as a dynamic movement practice in the 1970s and still brings people together in the spirit of connection, collaboration and artistic expression. Elements from indigenous, world tradition, shamanistic and Eastern philosophy along with Gestalt Therapy were merged by Roth – also a classical ballet dancer and dance teacher – to create a practice with the idea that everything is energy and moves in waves, patterns and rhythm. “While a seemingly simple process, the 5Rhythms practice facilitates deep and unending explorations, moving the dancer beyond self-imposed limitations and isolation into new depths of creativity and connection.” 5Rhythms.com Everyone goes on their own journey, exploring their body but sharing the collective experience of the ‘wave’ or five stages of dancing that mimic different aspects of life: Flow Unraveling by moving, the first rhythm you encounter is Flow. As the name suggests it refers to being fluid in our bodies, or allowing it to be and attending to its needs by being receptive. Aspect of life: birth, fear, being, body. Staccato Characterized by abrupt and stronger movements. Staccato establishes a connection by repetition. The dancers sculpt their movements and create form and self-expression. Aspect of life: childhood, anger, loving, heart. Chaos Headfirst into the beat and the unknown. Chaos is the dissolution of the structure the dancer has created so far, into a rawer version of themselves. There is a higher tempo accompanied by more complex movements. Untamable, until full release of the body. Aspect of life: puberty, sadness, knowing, mind. Lyrical Once Chaos has been processed by the body and mind, it creates space for freedom. Lyrical sets the tone for a lighter and playful dance with simpler repetitions and patterns yet aiming for the dancer to feel grounded, creative and empowered. Aspect of life: maturity, joy, seeing, soul. Stillness The vibrancy of the dance floor slowly falls into silence. Stillness is the end of the journey in five Rhythms and where all of the other stages converge. It's characterized by slow motions eventually arriving to meditation. Aspect of life: death, compassion, healing, spirit. Why movement meditation might work for you Even though arriving to stillness is one of the aims of 5Rhythms, the experience is good for those who struggle with the idea of sitting still directly and meditating. The reality is that there are different types of meditation that work for different types of people. 5Rhythms features five stages that mimic different aspects of life Dr. Herbert Benson, director emeritus of the Benson-Henry Institute, says that a combination of two things result in effective meditation: repetition of a word, a sound or a movement, and the ability to turn off everyday thoughts. The body then naturally triggers the relaxation response. “Good endings mean taking responsibility for the whole journey, distilling wisdom from our experience so that we may begin our next wave.” 5Rhythms.com Likewise, Dr. Melinda Ring, director of Northwestern Medicine’s Osher Center for Integrative Medicine says many activities work as long as the practitioner has the intention of being present and focusing on the body-mind connection. After a long journey through 5 Rhythms in which you’ve integrated and tapped into your body, sweat, breath and intuition, you're ready to ride the next wave in or out of the dance floor! ● References: (2010, July 30) Use It or Lose It: Dancing Makes You Smarter, Longer. Richard Powers https://socialdance.stanford.edu/syllabi/smarter.htm (2018, February 5) Why Exercise Boosts Mood and Energy https://www.everydayhealth.com/fitness/workouts/boost-your-energy-level-with-exercise.aspx (2017, September 17) How to Meditate when you can’t sit still, Chicago Tribune http://www.chicagotribune.com/lifestyles/health/sc-fam-how-to-meditate-1017-story.html (2014, November 20) The Many Health Benefits of Dancing by Berkeley Wellness http://www.berkeleywellness.com/fitness/active-lifestyle/article/many-health-benefits-dancing (2003, June 19) Leisure Activities and the Risk of Dementia in the Elderly http://www.nejm.org/doi/full/10.1056/NEJMoa022252 Main image: Colourbox.com Written by Guest Author We're happy to publish articles by guest authors that will broaden the perspective and bring new insights. If you are interested in publishing an article here on happiness.com, please contact us.