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  1. Master manipulators often use techniques which – over time – make it hard to spot when you are being used. If you believe you may be being manipulated by a friend, partner or family members, Dee Marques shows you 12 signs to look out for plus offers tips on how to deal with being used. We all have certain expectations when it comes to our interactions with friends and romantic partners. This can include expectations about the needs we want met and in which way. But there’s a difference between expecting relationships to fulfil some needs, and using relationships to that end. Unfortunately, not everyone understands the difference between both concepts, which is why it’s so devastating to find yourself in a relationship where you’re being used for certain purposes or needs. In this article I’ll discuss several ways you can recognize when you are being used in any kind of friendship or relationship. I’ll also offer some ideas on how to deal with a relationship where you’re clearly being used. The impact of being used We tend to assume that we know people close to us, such as family members, partners and friends. So, realising that you’re being used by one of these people can come as a huge shock, because the idea is so far removed from what we had imagined our relationship to be. And understandably so, because you have probably invested a lot in a relationship in good faith. RELATED: 7 signs your friend doesn't care about you The impact that being used can have on an individual should not to be underestimated. This type of psychological manipulation can have a negative impact on mental health that can eventually cause anxiety. Being used impacts on mental health and happiness It can also create a tendency to become hyper-vigilant to avoid being used again and experiencing the same pain. Indeed, because being used puts us in a vulnerable situation, this can trigger mental or emotional health issues we may have had in the past, anything from eating disorders to depression. • JOIN US! Sign up free today and find true connection at happiness.com • This situation can also affect our confidence in our ability to accurately judge others. You may come to think that you’ve been taken advantage of because 'you didn’t see it coming and you should have seen it', and then conclude that you can’t trust your own judgement when getting into other relationships. In some cases, this can lead to emotional isolation and to mistrusting others by default. 12 signs you’re being used So, how exactly do you know if you’re being used? The signs can be more or less subtle, so it’s important to be familiar with them. 1. You’re not equal players An unequal relationship is one of the most common signs that you’re being used. A caring relationship is a space where both parties pull their weight emotionally, financially and physically. You may suspect that you’re being used if the other person always seems to take but they don’t give back, or if they do give back but it feels as if they were doing you a favour. You can tell their attitude is not genuine and it’s not a one-off. 2. One-way boundaries Similar to the above, or another version of it, is when you feel that boundaries only seem to work one way in the relationship. For example, the other person doesn’t really disclose much about previous romantic partners, but expects to know everything about yours. “The impact that being used can have on an individual should not to be underestimated. This type of psychological manipulation can have a negative impact on mental health that can eventually cause anxiety.” Or it could be a friend who always finds a way to be unavailable when you need them, but then expects you to be “on call” for them all the time. This can be a clear sign that you’re being used, because genuine friendships and relationships are based on mutual understanding and respect. 3. They 'show you off', but something feels wrong Real friends or partners will appreciate you enough to sing your praises in front of others and it will come out as something genuine. However, people who see relationships as a way to use others may only show you off when it suits them, and it may be obvious enough to make you feel something is wrong. For example, it could be a partner who only takes you out on business dinners because they know you’ll make an impression on the people they’re trying to impress. But any activities strictly between you and them are few and far in between or they do so after much insisting on your part. 4. They don’t listen We can all be distracted from time to time or too absorbed in our own problems, but in true and equal relationship we always try our best to make time for the other person. RELATED: Mindful listening – 6 ways to improve conversational skills With manipulators, you may feel they’re never really 'present' when you’re together. Or they could seem present, but later on you realise they have tuned you out the entire time. For example, they forget important dates such as an exam, your birthday, or never follow-up on conversations where you've told them something important or that's bothering you. 5. You feel bad saying “no” Some people are expert emotional manipulators to the point that they’ll make you feel uncomfortable saying “no” to them. For example, when they ask you for money it feels like you’re obligated and you can’t quite explain why. Or, you may feel pressured to do things their way, even though you don’t really want to. There’s always some give and take in relationships, but you should be able to say “yes” or “no” freely and without fearing potential consequences, whether that's the silent treatment or other forms of emotional blackmail. Users are master manipulators that play people shutterstock/SvetaZi 6. They keep tabs on favours Manipulators are known for not offering to do you any favours unless they want something in return. In those situations, there’s a ring of “you owe me” to the whole interaction. In many cases, you will even be reminded of what they did for you and how much of a big deal it is. • SIGN UP! Join our caring community and make new friends • You may also feel as if they write down every single thing they do for you in a little notebook so they can refer back to it. That’s not altruism – it’s called being used. 7. They take things for granted Manipulators may take you and your relationship for granted if they never say thank you or show any gratitude. Instead, it’s as if that aspect of the relationship was exclusively your responsibility. 8. They never apologise Their behaviour causes you pain and yet they never seem to apologise. Somehow, if you feel hurt it’s your fault for doing this or for not doing that. RELATED: The 6 steps to an effective apology 9. Money issues Be wary of being used to meet the manipulator’s emotional or financial needs. There’s nothing wrong or unusual in lending or borrowing money from friends or relatives, but you should see a red flag if they’re always asking for money or expecting you to pay for all the bills, outings, etc. “The impact that being used can have on an individual should not to be underestimated. This type of psychological manipulation can have a negative impact on mental health that can eventually cause anxiety.” Another version of being used financially is if you’re in a romantic relationship or live together and the manipulator pushes you to accept higher-paying jobs to cover costs – even if they’re not what you want to do or are detrimental to your health. 10. They don’t keep their promises... …or their appointments. Users can pull a no-show after agreeing to do something, or find excuses to get out of activities and plans. Even worse, you don’t feel comfortable confronting them about their wrongdoings. 11. Something doesn’t feel right Nowadays, we’re all a bit disconnected from powerful and useful primal instincts, such as our gut feeling. So when something doesn’t feel right, we don’t know how to interpret it or we may even mislabel it as a positive emotion. For example, a manipulator can make you jittery or nervous and you could confuse the feeling with being “in love”. 12. The language they use This seems a trivial point, but language can tell you a lot about how a person really feels about you. There’s a big difference between saying “I took you out” and “we went out”. The first implies you don’t really count and you’re being used, whereas the second suggests you’re both in the relationship as equal partners. 3 tips on how to avoid being used Strengthen your self-esteem This is the first and most important step because otherwise you won’t be able to apply any of the remaining suggestions. Learn how to develop self-love and be good to yourself at all times. Set healthy boundaries Build up the courage to say what you can and cannot tolerate in a relationship, and explain why. Something along the lines of “when you do XXX it makes me feel,” and, “I can’t accept that because...” Get your intuition back and learn to trust it again This will help stay open to other relationships instead of isolating yourself for fear of being used again. Discover how to better tap into your intuition. Learn to be your own best friend, without giving up on the idea of finding your tribe. Seek help If you can’t overcome the pain of being used, seek help from a trusted counsellor or therapist. Takeaway: being used hurts, but you can get over it Realising you’re being used can be painful, especially if you were deeply invested in the relationship. But after experiencing it – and if you keep in mind the points raised above – you’ll be more equipped to detect future attempts of manipulation. Even better, you could even use that experience to help others overcome the pain of going through the same experience of being used. • Main image: shutterstock/fizkes happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine ■ share and support in our happiness forum ■ self-develop with free online Academy classes Trust | Loneliness | Empathy Written by Dee Marques A social sciences graduate with a keen interest in languages, communication, and personal development strategies. Dee loves exercising, being out in nature, and discovering warm and sunny places where she can escape the winter.
  2. In one of the mindfulness courses I took, there was a exercise to identify and bucket your thoughts vs sensations vs emotions (feelings). I am having difficulty differentiating thoughts vs. emotions as they're so tightly intertwined. Any tips or suggestions?
  3. hi .it's very sad to hear you feel lonely you have to me friends to stay away from it you should be live a life of stress free don't think you are alone everyone is with you.. .
  4. Not sure that I am posting in the correct room but just wanted to say hello and great to connect if you would like too in this mindfulness practice... Im based in Bournemouth UK - Happy to chat !! Have a great day
  5. Depends on my mood. Sometimes I love to put on some great house music and dance in my living room. Really helps to reduce my stress and boost energy!
  6. Music Is the food for the soul ...music releases stress and also heals the heart that's my little experience
  7. I have a lot of problems sleeping lately. That is stress-related and has to be worked out through cognitive-behavioral analysis I suppose.
  8. For me it was really a hard time. Internally I have always rejected propaganda and man-made activities, so I got myself into a really huge stress.
  9. Hi my name is Kayleigh and i am newbie to happiness! I stumbled across this site when i was looking for mindfulness quotes to put on my positivity cards. I am here to chat to other people who may have gone through GAD or other anxiety based issues. I also want to help others on their journeys So yeh........Hey!
  10. Can being curious potentially make us smarter, more innovative and happier? Sonia Vadlamani throws light on the rewards of being inquisitive and discusses ideas for staying curious throughout our lives. We are all born curious, but oddly the ‘episodes of curiosity’ common in kids pertaining to asking questions and observing objects intently dwindles as we age. As a matter of fact, children are known to be incredibly inquisitive and are often seen exploring new things around them, for no other reason than to know or understand more. However, as we grow older, we tend to gradually lose this appetite for curious pursuits. William James, a renowned philosopher and psychologist, defined curiosity as “the impulse towards better cognition”. Interestingly Ian Leslie, author of the acclaimed bestseller Curious, describes curiosity as the unique amalgamation of “intelligence, determination and a hunger for novelty,” in the sense that it drives us towards discovering what we do not already know. Curiosity constitutes a fundamental element of our cognition, and thus is essential for our learning motivation, decision-making as well as healthy development. Indeed, a part of our fading curiosity as we age can be ascribed to a phenomenon known as ‘brain economy’. As we continue to learn, the brain works on building and reinforcing neural pathways and energy-saving shortcuts so that we don’t have to expend mental energy for repetitive tasks. However, researchers agree that it is important to stay curious as we grow older, despite increasing demands being put on our time. Why does staying curious matter? Research suggests that staying curious can improve our learning mechanisms and enhance brain plasticity, as the more curious we are about a topic, the likelier we are to remember it well. For instance, while chemistry seemed like a daunting subject to several of my classmates, I remember being fascinated by it. For example, how can potassium be called a metal yet be soft enough to cut with a knife? It was intriguing and fun to draw out answers and understand ions, bonds and chemical reactions. Indeed, I reckon it was my curiosity that made me receptive to grasping my chemistry lessons with ease and remembering the details without much effort. Stay curious through lifelong learning Being passionately curious allows us to develop an abundance mindset, as it propels us towards learning and applying these new learnings in daily life, sparking growth and innovation. Staying curious can also help us shun our prejudices and bridge our differences, thus lowering anxiety and strengthening our social connections. A 2014 study by Vincent D Costa et al also pointed out that our brains trigger higher dopamine levels when we are not familiar with the stimulus and the reward is unknown to us (rather than when we are aware of the stimulus and the rewards). So, acquiring new information or performing newer tasks that answer our curiosity can improve dopamine release, which, in turn, can offer a quick mood boost, improve our decision-making abilities and even prevent health conditions like Parkinson’s disease and depression. 8 ways to stay curious Curiosity is akin to a mental muscle that can weaken if we don’t exercise it often. That’s why we need to make it a habit to flex it and stay curious on a consistent basis. Read on to discover eight ways to reignite your inner inquisitive spark. 1. Ask questions relentlessly Carl Jung, eminent psychiatrist and the founder of analytic psychology, described the ability to ask questions as “the greatest resource in learning the truth”. Indeed, there are no dumb, silly, small or big questions, as each question can unlock a conversation and every answer can present a fresh insight for you or others. Always carrying a notebook makes it easier for you to quickly jot down topics which spur your interest and questions you’d like to pursue next. 2. Step out of your comfort zone Staying in our comfort zone is undoubtedly convenient, especially since we humans are hardwired to choose familiarity over uncertainty. However, staying within our safety bubble stifles creativity and often harbors discontentment, leaving us feeling bored in life. RELATED: Why we should all start embracing the unknown In fact, living more adventurually and replacing fear of the unfamiliar with a healthy curiosity is what some great artists do differently. Indeed, staying curious and open to new experiences can help us welcome newer perspectives, let go of the past and rediscover our purpose in life. 3. Nurture a wide range of interests “Creativity doesn’t happen in a void,” observed Ian Leslie. It has been reported that successful artists and philosophers like Leonardo da Vinci and Aristotle were curious to the extent of accumulating vast amounts of knowledge which they could recall readily when needed. Leslie further points out that this reservoir of learnings allowed them to “mix and remix ideas and themes, making new analogies and spot unusual patterns” that ultimately steered them towards creative breakthroughs. “Curiosity is akin to a mental muscle that can weaken if we don’t exercise it often. That’s why we need to make it a habit to flex it and stay curious on a consistent basis.” However, it is also important to train yourself to be the expert in a niche of your interest. Developing an informed perspective on a wide variety of subjects would allow you to possess a valuable expanse of knowledge. Furthermore, diversifying your interests will enable you to tap into your intuition with greater ease and thus make better decisions. This will also put you in a better position to specialize in areas which align with your goals and purpose. 4. Gain new perspectives While it can’t be denied that we tend to get more comfortable with our own perspectives and viewpoints over time, it can be immensely rewarding to learn to change perspective and examine events and actions from the viewpoint of others. RELATED: Changing perspective and gaining happiness Leslie defines this as ‘empathic curiosity’, wherein he encourages us to put ourselves in other people’s shoes and analyze why they react in a certain manner and make certain choices. Gaining a different perspective in this way can help us stay curious, as well as improve our happiness levels. 5. Cultivate awe every day There are several reasons why awe makes your life better, the ability to stay curious being one of the benefits. A study by Craig L Anderson et al revealed a positive relationship between dispositional awe in people and their curiosity levels. The findings concurred that those who experience awe more often are more likely to stay curious and learn at a faster pace. It is possible to incorporate awe into our daily life, and not just feel it when we listen to a beautifully composed piece of music or making a trip that was always on the bucket list. Slowing down and lingering, being mindful, reconnecting with nature and questioning the things we always overlooked are some of the ways to look for daily experiences of awe, and gradually re-instill curiosity. Travel keeps you curious and is awe-inspiring shutterstock/GaudiLab 6. Look at learning as a privilege and fun “It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education,” Albert Einstein famously stated. Learning is often seen as a cumbersome task or something that we need to participate in for better grades or a promotion. However, studies show that staying curious makes learning effective and more enjoyable, enabling us to be motivated to achieve new milestones. Additionally, redefining learning as a stress-free and pleasurable activity leads to enhanced activity in the amygdala region of the brain and increased release of dopamine, resulting in greater retention. 7. Meet other curious people often Brian Grazer, the prominent TV producer, recommends meeting other interesting people and having what he calls “curiosity conversations”. Remember that positive communication is the key to holding meaningful, intriguing interactions, and building lasting friendships. Consulting different people about their interests and opinions can introduce us to new learnings and fresh interests, thus rekindling curiosity within us. 8. Look inward Turning your curiosity inwards can help you understand yourself better and thus set more realistic goals for yourself. Spare 5-10 minutes each day to practise attentive self-reflection while you withhold your emotions, and observe and understand your reaction to various stimuli, fears, thoughts, attachment styles, moods, etc. “Turning curiosity inwards can help you understand yourself better and thus set more realistic goals for yourself.” Staying curious towards yourself can help you find self-validation, and observe kindness and empathy towards yourself, just like you’d do for a friend. Looking inward can also enable you to resolve a troublesome pattern that may be preventing you from living your best possible life, like bottled up resentment that you need to let go of, or a habit of indecisiveness that you need to change. Takeaway: staying curious Curiosity is listed as an essential cognitive need in Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, which underlines its importance in the way we define our purpose, make our choices and pursue goals. Rekindling the desire to know and cultivating the practice of staying curious can help us lead a life with meaning, adventure and happiness. • Main image: shutterstock/Dragon Images happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ Develop with free online classes in our happiness Academy Learning | Altruism | Compassion | Motivation Written by Sonia Vadlamani Fitness and healthy food blogger, food photographer and stylist, travel-addict and future self journaler. Sonia loves to write and has resolved to dedicate her life to revealing how easy and important it is to be happier, stronger and fitter each day. Follow her daily pursuits at FitFoodieDiary or on Instagram.
  11. Relationships based on a friendship are great. Pursuing hobbies is a great way to find friends.
  12. Untersuchungen legen nahe, dass Jugendliche aufblühen, wenn sie in ihren Gemeinden einen bedeutenden Unterschied machen können. Von Meghan Lynch Forder im Auftrag des Greater Good Science Center. Der Artikel erschien im Original in der englischen Ausgabe des happiness Magazins. Als Eltern von Jugendlichen denken wir viel darüber nach, was wir für unsere Kinder tun müssen, damit sie als Erwachsene gedeihen - oder (abhängig von unserer Philosophie) was unsere Kinder tun müssen, damit sie als Erwachsene gedeihen können. Dabei ist eine der wichtigsten Aktivitäten, an denen unsere Jugendlichen teilnehmen können, der Beitrag zu einer ihrer sozialen Gruppen. Mit zunehmendem Alter können Jugendliche Freunde, Familienangehörige und die breitere Gemeinschaft auf tiefere und sinnvollere Weise emotional und praktisch unterstützen. Untersuchungen legen nahe, dass freundliches und hilfsbereites Verhalten gegenüber anderen von der Kindheit bis zur Jugend zunimmt. Das würde den Stereotyp des selbstverliebten Teenagers zu einem Mythos machen. In der Tat ist die Jugend eine besonders effektive Zeit, um anderen zu helfen. Angesichts der massiven Veränderungen im Gehirn von Teenagern ermöglichen ihre neu entdeckten physischen, kognitiven und emotionalen Fähigkeiten es ihnen, Beiträge zu leisten, die den Menschen in ihrer Umgebung einen echten Nutzen bringen. Außerdem scheint die Möglichkeit, einen sinnvollen Beitrag leisten zu können, Vorteile für die Entwicklung der Jugendlichen zu haben. Es wird vermutet, dass dies genau die Fähigkeiten entwickelt, die sie benötigen, um als Erwachsene erfolgreich zu sein. Beiden Gruppen, unseren Jugendlichen und den Gemeinden wird es besser gehen, wenn wir dabei helfen können, dass sie einen Weg finden etwas zu bewegen. Wie das jugendliche Gehirn darauf vorprogrammiert ist, sich zu beteiligen Was sind "bedeutsame" Beiträge? Wenn wir über Beteiligung sprechen, ist damit nicht nur gemeint nett zu sein und hier und da freiwillig mitzuhelfen (beides ist auch wichtig). Gemeint ist „Engagement mit Konsequenz“. Das sind solche Handlungen, die anderen einen echten Nutzen bringen und dabei helfen, ein gemeinsames Ziel zu erreichen. Bei dieser Art von Beitrag wird nicht nur eine einzige Aktion ausgeführt. Der Jugendliche muss eine wichtige Rolle innerhalb einer Gruppe einnehmen – egal ob es sich um die Familie, Schule oder Gemeinde handelt. VERWANDTES THEMA: Warum Freiwilligenarbeit wichtig ist Es stellt sich heraus, dass Jugendliche bemerkenswert gute Voraussetzungen haben, um anderen zu helfen. Die Pubertät ist eine Zeit massiver Umstrukturierungen im Gehirn, die ein schnelleres und effizienteres System schaffen. Neuroimaging-Studien zeigen, dass die neuronalen Netzwerke, die sich im Jugendalter am stärksten verändern, dieselben Netzwerke sind, die durch den Einsatz für andere aktiviert werden. Flowerpower: Jugendliche arbeiten in einem Gemeinschaftsgarten shutterstock/Daisy Daisy Beispielsweise reift das „soziale Gehirn“ - das komplizierte Netzwerk von Bereichen im Gehirn, die in sozialen Interaktionen aktiviert werden - im Jugendalter besonders schnell heran. Durch diese Entwicklung wird die Fähigkeit junger Menschen gesteigert, Gefühle und Perspektiven anderer Menschen verstehen zu können. Die zunehmende kognitive Reife der Jugendlichen ermöglicht es ihnen, die komplexe Dynamik der unterschiedlichen Perspektiven und Bedürfnisse anderer Menschen zu berücksichtigen. So können sie bestimmen, wem und wie sie helfen möchten. Ein weiterer Bereich, der sich in diesen Jahren verändert, ist das „Belohnungssystem“. Dies erhöhrt nun die positiven Gefühle, die Jugendliche von neuen und aufregenden Erfahrungen bekommen. Dieser Bereich des Gehirns, wird am häufigsten mit der höheren Risikobereitschaft bei Jugendlichen in Verbindung gebracht, welche bei vielen Eltern Angst in den Herzen auslöst. Diese Gehirnveränderungen gehen zum einen mit Rebellion und Risikobereitschaft einher. Es gibt jedoch Hinweise darauf, dass sie ebenfalls freundliche und hilfreiche Verhaltensweisen hervorrufen, zum Beispiel das Bedürfnis mitzuwirken. Wie Jugendliche von der Möglichkeit mitzuwirken profitieren Geben beschenkt den Geber. Untersuchungen zufolge haben Erwachsene, die anderen helfen, eine bessere Stimmung, weniger Stress und weniger Gesundheitsprobleme. Jugendliche profitieren auf ähnliche Weise, haben jedoch zusätzlich einzigartige weiter Vorteile durch Beiträge und Mitwirken zu einer Gruppe. Beispielsweise kann die verstärkte Aktivierung des Belohnungssystems im Gehirn dazu führen, dass Jugendliche besonders gerne geben und sich davon stärker erfüllt fühlen . Jugendliche aus Familien, in denen Mitmachen einen besonderen Stellenwert hat, scheinen dieses Belohnungsgefühl noch deutlicher zu spüren. Jugendliche berichten auch, dass sie an Tagen, an denen sie ihren Familien helfen, glücklicher sind. Studien haben gezeigt, dass hilfsbereite, kooperative und teilnehmende Schüler in der Regel beliebter sind als solche, die Angst oder Einschüchterung einsetzen, um Status zu erlangen. Dies stellt einen weiteren Anreiz für Jugendliche dar, sich zu engagieren. Der Status ist besonders wichtig für Jugendliche, da diese durch hormonelle Veränderungen ab dem Beginn der Pubertät äußerst empfindlich auf Zugehörigkeit und Respekt reagieren. "Untersuchungen legen nahe, dass freundliches und hilfsbereites Verhalten gegenüber anderen von der Kindheit bis zur Jugend zunimmt. Das würde den Stereotyp des selbstverliebten Teenagers zu einem Mythos machen." Sich zu engagieren hat außerdem eine stressreduzierende Wirkung. Für Jugendliche kann dies von besonderer Bedeutung sein, da Körper und Geist von Teenagern (mehr als in jedem anderen Alter) stark auf Stress reagieren. Das Wichtigste ist, dass Jugendliche durch ihre Beteiligung jene Erfahrungen machen, die sie benötigen um die Schlüsselaufgaben dieser Lebensphase zu lösen: Autonomie, Identität und Intimität aufbauen. Indem Jugendliche sinnvolle Beiträge für andere leisten, können sie erkennen, dass sie sich positiv auf die Welt auswirken können. Das kann ihnen das nötige Vertrauen geben, um Autonomie und Entscheidungsfreiheit aufzubauen. Wenn ihre Beiträge gesehen werden, verstehen junge Menschen ihren Platz und Wert in der Welt und entwickeln so ihr Identitätsgefühl. Die Möglichkeit, Freunden und Familienmitgliedern eine sinnvolle soziale Unterstützung zukommen zu lassen, schafft die nötige Intimität, um im Erwachsenenalter positive und dauerhafte Beziehungen aufzubauen. Wie Teenager sinnvolle Beiträge leisten können Die zunehmenden Kontakten von Jugendlichen zu Personen außerhalb der Familie führen dazu, dass sie in vielen verschiedenen Bereichen Einfluss nehmen können. Hier sind einige Möglichkeiten, wie sie substanzielle Beiträge für ihre unmittelbare Familie und die weitere Gemeinschaft leisten können. 1. Familie Da Kinder mit dem Eintritt ins jugendliche Alter stärker und koordinierter werden, können sie mit zunehmenden kognitiven Fähigkeiten eine umfangreichere Rolle als Helfer in der Familie einnehmen. Jugendliche können bei Tätigkeiten wie Putzen, Kochen und der Pflege von Geschwistern echte und sinnvolle Hilfe leisten. Ein für Jugendliche sinnvoller Beitrag geht jedoch über die Hausarbeit hinaus. Jugendliche brauchen auch die Chance, eine echte Rolle für das Funktionieren der Familie zu spielen. Die Teilnahme an Familienentscheidungen - von Ausgabenentscheidungen über Essensentscheidungen bis hin zu Regeln rund um das Schlafengehen und Hausaufgaben - ist ein wichtiger Weg auf dem sie teilnehmen können. Diese Art der Beteiligung bedeutet nicht, dass sie die Entscheidungen treffen. Aber ihre Ideen, Gefühle und Urteile sollten ein echter Teil des Entscheidungsprozesses sein. Auch wenn ihre Vorschläge nicht jedes Mal befolgt werden; wenn ihre Perspektiven ernsthaft berücksichtigt werden, leisten sie einen Beitrag zur Familie. Helfende Hand: Ältere Familienmitglieder unterstützen shutterstock/DGLimages Sich innerhalb der Familie zu beteiligen hat Vorteile, die über den Haushalt hinausgehen. Studien zeigen, dass junge Jugendliche, die an familiären Entscheidungen beteiligt sind, sich besser an die Mittelschule anpassen. Außerdem sind sie motivierter in der Schule und haben ein höheres Selbstwertgefühl als Gleichaltrige, die keine solchen Möglichkeiten der Beteiligung haben. Es hat sich gezeigt, dass das Gefühl, eine integrale Rolle in einer Familie zu spielen, das Wohlbefinden und das Verantwortungsbewusstsein von Jugendlichen verbessert. Es kann sogar das riskante Verhalten reduzieren, über das sich viele von uns Sorgen machen. Es gibt auch eine nachteilige Wirkung bei zunehmender Beteiligung und Verantwortlichkeiten in einer Familie. Wenn der Grund für mehr Aufgaben auf eine körperliche oder geistige Erkrankung der Eltern oder andere Familientraumata zurückzuführen ist, können diese einen gegenteiligen Effekt auf das Wohlbefinden und den schulischen Erfolg solcher Jugendlicher haben. 2. Gleichaltrige Untersuchungen zeigen, dass Freunde eine wichtige Quelle der sozialen Unterstützung für Jugendliche sind und dass diese Beziehung eine weitere Möglichkeit ist, um einen Beitrag zu leisten. Die gleichmäßigere Machtdynamik in Freundschaften mit Gleichaltrigen ermöglicht es Jugendlichen, eine bedeutendere Rolle in der Beziehung zu spielen, als dies bei Erwachsenen häufig der Fall ist. Diese kann sich beispielsweise durch emotionale Unterstützung ergeben, durch Meinungsäußerungen und Planungen. "Wenn ihre Beiträge anerkannt werden, verstehen junge Menschen ihren Platz und Wert in der Welt." Freunde im jugendlichen Alter helfen sich nicht nur gegenseitig, sondern motivieren sich auch gegenseitig, einen umfassenderen Beitrag zu leisten. Wenn Schüler der Mittel- und Oberstufe glauben, dass sich zu beteiligen eine soziale Norm für ihre Altersgenossen ist, oder wenn sie von ihren Freunden positives Feedback für ihr Engagement erhalten, helfen sie eher einem Klassenkameraden oder beteiligen sich mit Geld in der Gruppe. Jugendliche, die anderen helfen, scheinen ihre besten Freunde zu inspirieren, dasselbe zu tun. So beschäftigt das eigene jugendliche Kind auch sein mag, es ist wichtig ihm Zeit zu lassen. In dieser kann der Jugendliche mit Freunden „abhängen“ - und dort die Chance bekommen, einen Freund zum lachen zu bringen oder buchstäblich eine Schulter anzubieten an der sich ein Freund ausweinen kann. 3. Schulen So wie ein Beitrag zur Familie mehr ist als nur reine Hausarbeit, ist ein Beitrag in der Schule mehr als nur freiwillig etwas zusätzliches tun. Wenn sie sich in der Schule bei etwas bedeutungsvollem beteiligen, können Schülerinnen und Schüler einen wesentlichen Einfluss auf ihr schulisches Umfeld haben. Damit ist gemeint, dass Schüler der Mittel- und Oberstufe in die Entscheidungsfindung in Bezug auf Kursarbeit, Unterrichtspraktiken und Schulrichtlinien einbezogen werden. Die Möglichkeit, sich an Sitzordnungen, Lernaktivitäten oder Benotungspraktiken zu beteiligen, sind alles Wege bedeutungsvoller Beiträge. Es hat sich gezeigt, dass diese Einbeziehung in die Entscheidungsfindung in der Schule die Motivation und die Bindung der Schüler an die Schulgemeinschaft erhöht. Strich für Strich: Mit jedem Pinselstrich trägt der Einzelne zum Gesamtbild bei Eine aktive, ermächtigte Schülervertretung ist eine weitere Möglichkeit für Jugendliche, einen sinnvollen Beitrag zu ihrer Schule zu leisten. Clubs und Sportvereine geben Jugendlichen die Möglichkeit, einen echten Einfluss auf ihre Teamkollegen zu haben. Organisierte Nachhilfeprogramme können den Schülern helfen, einen Einfluss auf ihre größeren Gemeinschaften zu haben. Nicht alle Schulen verfügen über das Know-how oder die finanziellen Mittel, um allen Schülern die gleichen Möglichkeiten zur Beteiligung zu bieten. Für diese Schüler können Gemeinde Programme eine wertvolle Alternative sein. 4. Gemeinschaften Jugendliche sind physisch und kognitiv in der Lage, ihren Gemeinschaften und der weiteren Welt zu helfen. Die bereicherndste Erfahrung machen sie, wenn sie die eine Chance haben, messbare, spürbare Auswirkungen auf ihre Gemeinschaft oder die Bevölkerung zu haben. Und sie brauchen die Möglichkeit, über die Bedeutung ihrer Handlungen nachzudenken. Hochwertige Freiwilligenprogramme ermöglichen es den Jugendlichen auch, eine aktive Rolle in der Organisation selbst zu spielen. Nicht alle Angebote zur Freiwilligenarbeit für Jugendliche erfüllen diese Standards. Programme wie 4-H, Boys & Girls Clubs of America und das YWCA / YMCA bieten im Allgemeinen die Möglichkeiten, die junge Menschen benötigen, um von solchen Beiträgen zu profitieren. Ja, Jugendliche brauchen auch weiterhin die Unterstützung ihrer Eltern. Aber ein großer Teil dessen, was sie brauchen, besteht darin, dass wir sie als die umsichtigen, fähigen, fürsorglichen Menschen ansehen, zu denen sie bereits geworden sind. Jugendliche gedeihen, wenn sie Gelegenheit haben, einen wichtigen Beitrag für ihre Familien, Freunde, Schulen und Gemeinden zu leisten. Auf diese Weise können sie zu Erwachsenen gedeihen, die einen bedeutenden Unterschied in der Welt bewirken können. ● Geschrieben vom Greater Good Science Center Dieser Artikel erschien im Original im Greater Good, dem Online Magazin des Greater Good Science Center der UC Berkeley. happiness.com hat die Ehre, es mit freundlicher Genehmigung des Greater Good Science Center erneut zu veröffentlichen. Mehr Informationen unter greatergood.berkeley.edu.
  13. I am here to be of service. The world right now can be frightening and cold. In the last 5 years I've lost multiple friends/co-workers to depression and in those instances I felt I could have done more. Well, there's no time like the present. I started my YouTube channel to help anyone who is dealing with anxiety or stress and also those who are looking to get into mediation, need help getting to sleep, and general relaxation. My videos aren't complex. At all. That's purposefully done because I am a minimalist and I believe the best way to clear the mind is simple sounds and simple images that calm the nerves and senses. The videos have helped my as I venture back into my meditation practices and I hope they provide the same use for others. I am very happy to offer, what I feel is, a very small contribution to the universe that can potentially restore, change or even save lives.
  14. I'm listening to a lot of podcasts these days so this was perfect! I've been on the lookout for a good new mindfulness podcast so this list comes in handy ? Ever since lockdown it's been a go-to for me, either to keep me company out on my daily walk or to just have something to listen to at home. There are so many podcasts out there and I was a bit overwhelmed finding a good mindfulness podcast, so thank you ?
  15. Journaling isn’t just for teenagers. As Arlo Laibowitz explains, jotting down your thoughts, plans and reflections can help you with self-development. Check out these six different journaling techniques and the many benefits they will bring to your life. Many of us have started writing a diary or journal at some points in our lives. And many of us have also stopped writing in them not that much later! Many famous artists, writers, entrepreneurs, inventors, and thinkers keep, or have kept, journals, and there are many different journaling techniques. For many, it's a creative necessity and outlet. For some, it's a place for exploration, and yet for others, it's an art form in itself. Journaling can be enriching and fulfilling on many levels. It can lead to insights, personal growth, and setting and achieving goals. Journals record our thoughts, feelings and reflections. In doing so, they create a through-line in our life, a place of refuge and reflection, that we can visit and revisit. Personally, I started journaling some years ago, as part of the Morning Papers practice of The Artist’s Way. I've written notebooks full of journal entries related to personal growth, gratitude, creative development, project ideas, personal insecurities, blocked traumas, to-do-lists, goals, dreams and much more. I've tried different journal techniques for weeks or months at a time – and have also not journaled for weeks in between entries! Every time I come back to the practice and sustain it on a regular basis, I feel I can go deeper, explore things more explicit, and in the process, experience a wonderful journey to my interior. So, what are the benefits of journaling? And what different journaling techniques can we employ? How do we go about starting and sustaining a journaling habit? Dream diaries: keep track of your dreams... or maybe your ambitions? What are the benefits of journaling? In different studies, journaling has been identified as a so-called 'keystone habit', a habit that is defining and catalysing more habits in your life. As Charles Duhig writes in The Power of Habit, these keystones are “small changes or habits that people introduce into their routines that unintentionally carry over into other aspects of their lives.” The benefits of journaling are emotional, cognitive, creative and possibly even spiritual. Journaling helps us to: Know ourselves better, by clarifying our thoughts and feelings. Release thoughts and emotions, by recognizing and tracking them. Increase focus, deepen our learning and problem solving, in ‘decluttering’ our minds. Boost stability, detach and let go of the past; similar as in meditation practices, by developing our awareness of our thoughts and letting go of our clinging to them. Resolve disagreements with others, by detaching ourselves from the conflict and reflecting on it. Furthermore, studies show that keeping a gratitude journal offers some added benefits. People that keep a gratitude journal are happier, healthier, more balanced and generally more optimistic. They are less self-centered, and less susceptible to feelings of envy, more relaxed, better in decision-making, and more strengthened in their emotions and developed in their personality. Journaling: six different techniques 1. Enso drawing There are various forms of journaling. We can choose a traditional way, with pen and paper, or write in an electronic journal, use various media, or add art practices to our journaling (like drawings or collages, or even specialised forms like enso drawing). 2. Ten minute routine An easy technique to start journaling is practising the Ten minute routine. Before going to bed, ask yourself so-called “requests” – the things that you're trying to accomplish – and write them down. Then, in the morning, write down your answers and thoughts on these questions. This way of journaling is especially efficient to review and sharpen your to-do-list and life vision, as they become forged in your subconscious mind. “There are many journaling techniques. For many, it's a creative necessity and outlet. For others, it's an art form in itself.” 3. Stream of consciousness Another tried way to journal is journaling every day in a stream of consciousness. Write down any thought, memory, to-do-list, feeling, drawing, or whatever else pops up. Just let it flow as you write, without trying to censor or edit yourself. 4. Morning memories A different journaling technique is writing 'morning memories'. Schedule your journaling session each morning, before you start your day. Use the same journal every day, sit in the same spot, and when you’re done writing, take time to reflect on what you've written and accomplished in that session. RELATED: Morning meditation – the secret to a great day 5. Gratitude journaling Probably the most researched journaling technique is keeping a gratitude journal. For maximum benefit, take 15 minutes per day, three to four times a week, to journal what you're grateful for on that day. Be specific, choose depth of gratitude instead of breadth, and try to get personal (being thankful to people is more efficient than to things). Make a note of seeing good things as a gift, savoring surprises and unexpected events. Journaling techniques: start putting pen to paper 6. Intensive journal A comprehensive method of journaling is using the intensive journal process. This copyrighted process, which can be learned in specialised workshops, enables the person journaling to get to know themselves on profound levels. “People that keep a gratitude journal are happier, healthier, more balanced, and generally more optimistic.” The Intensive Journal Workbook is a large notebook filled with paper and divided into four dimensions of human experience: Life/Time, Dialogue, Depth and Meaning. Each of these aspects is divided into several subsections to work through in the path that the method prescribes. Some of these paragraphs are used to write about our memory of the events of our lives as well as dreams and images. Others are more geared towards stimulating insights and creative activity. How to start and sustain a journaling habit There are as many ways to initiate and maintain your journaling, as there are different forms of journaling. A straightforward way to start journaling is by starting every day with writing down tasks and goals that you have for that day. Only write a few items, to make it easy to start and make progress. It's useful to mix personal and professional things. By keeping each journal entry short in the beginning, it's easy to succeed. At the end of each day, look back at what you've accomplished, what you've learned, what you want to explore further, and what you want to pursue the next day. Once you've developed a basic journaling practice, you can dig deeper and further expand it. Some commonly held beliefs and ‘best practices’ include: Start writing about where you are in your life at this moment, and build on that in subsequent journal entries. Start a dialogue with your inner child by writing in your non-dominant hand, and switching back to your dominant hand. For sustaining your gratitude practice, maintain a daily list of things you appreciate, including uplifting quotes. Start a journal of self-portraits; draw, write, or collage who you are today, and learn to appreciate and develop yourself. Keep a nature diary to connect with the natural world: record what you experience in looking at the sky experiences the weather or walks in nature. Maintain a log of successes, starting with big ones that you remember, and then add them as they occur. Keep a log or playlist of your favourite songs. Write about the moods and memories they trigger. If there’s something you're struggling with or an event that’s disturbing you, write about it in the third person to create distance and perspective. Journal techniques: travels to our interior Journaling is a powerful habit that enables us to get a more in-depth and clearer understanding of the thoughts, feelings and issues we're working through. Whether we use journaling to accompany our meditation, forgiveness, or gratitude practices, or to work through emotional trauma or creative stumble blocks, a daily practice enables us to focus and develop further. Trying different journaling techniques has given me many benefits in life. I wish you the same journey as you explore your journaling practice! ● Images: Cathryn Laver, Ben White, Haley Powers, Estée Janssens on Unsplash happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support in our happiness forum ■ self-develop with free online classes in our Academy Stress management | Mindfulness | Burnout Written by Arlo Laibowitz Arlo is a filmmaker, artist, lecturer, and intermittent practitioner of metta meditation and morning yoga. When not dreaming about impossible projects and making them happen in the most impractical ways possible, he journals, listens to jazz, or cuddles with his better half.
  16. Totally! Stress builds up in our neck, shoulders etc, so that's why people go to have a massage. To relieve it. The power of touch is also very relaxing
  17. In the midst of our panic around COVID-19, we must look to each other to help us get through it. By Jill Suttie on behalf of Greater Good Science Center. I just learned that my son’s college, the University of Washington, would be cancelling all in-person classes and finals to help contain the spread of the coronavirus. One confirmed on-campus case prompted the university’s response. Though the university will incur high costs — they have to deep-clean the whole campus, for example — I, for one, am truly grateful for their swift action and putting students first. It’s one of the many ways that I feel cared for in the midst of this crisis, and one of many caring acts that I expect to see in the weeks ahead. Why expect more cooperation and compassion in the face of an epidemic? Because, contrary to popular belief, crises often tend to bring out the best in people. A report that looked at how people responded during the September 11th Twin Tower attacks showed that people bent over backwards to help others escape, sometimes at great personal risk to themselves. Other reports on the aftermath of natural disasters show that strangers will stick out their necks for each other to help. Community care can help us overcome COVID-19 shutterstock/Angelina Bambina While it’s true that sometimes disasters can lead to a minority taking advantage of the situation — for example, stealing people’s possessions when they have to leave their house — this is not a common response, much as it grabs headlines. Instead, when we face a common enemy, like an epidemic, we are more likely to pull together for the benefit of everyone. Notice how many young and healthy people are taking seriously the need to wash their hands frequently, cover their mouths when they cough, stay home when sick, or wear masks when in public. Sure, no one wants to get sick — but, at the same time, no one wants to be responsible for making others sick. “Why expect more cooperation and compassion in the face of an epidemic? Because, contrary to popular belief, crises often tend to bring out the best in people.” In fact, research shows that protecting others is a huge motivator for doing the right thing. For example, one study looked at what prompts handwashing behavior in hospital doctors and nurses. Researchers found that signs saying, “Hand hygiene prevents patients from catching diseases,” were more effective at prompting handwashing than signs simply saying, “Hand hygiene prevents you from catching diseases.” In other words, appealing to the health care workers’ altruistic care for their patients was more effective than appealing to their self-interest. In fact, it may simply be human nature to be kind and helpful when others need us. In one recent study, children only four to five years old who were told that resisting a treat would benefit another child were better able to delay gratification than children told their actions would only affect themselves. Similarly, babies as young as 19 months old were willing to give food away to someone who appeared to need it, even when hungry themselves. Of course, not everyone acts altruistically in these situations. So, what makes it more likely they will, and how can we use that to our advantage? Here are four ways we can encourage more altruism for fighting the virus. 1. Look to the heroes There will always be heroic efforts in a disaster — people who sacrifice themselves for the good of others. Think of the health care workers who are treating people infected with this virus at great personal risk. Or those infected with the virus who voluntarily isolate themselves for weeks to protect the public. When we hear stories of these people, we feel what is called moral elevation — a warm feeling inside that inspires us, fueling optimism and a desire to act altruistically ourselves. While the temptation might be to focus on fear and everything going wrong, we can redirect our attention to those who are doing the right thing, which will lead us to be better citizens ourselves. Remember our common humanity and compassion 2. Stay calm and focused It’s easy to be lost in fear when disaster strikes. However, it doesn’t help anyone to stir up panic about the situation, because we don’t think as clearly when we are in emergency mode. You can see how this has played out already, as people have been stockpiling masks and creating a shortage that could affect the people who truly need them — those who are sick and need masks to avoid spreading the disease to the rest of us. How can we stay calmer and make wiser choices? One way is to use whatever tools you have at your disposal for keeping a cool head — like practising mindfulness, which has been shown to both lessen emotional reactivity and help us make better decisions. We might take a walk in the park or nearby woods and let nature soothe us. Or we could talk to a friend — a calm friend, that is — who can help us reduce our anxiety. RELATED: The benefits of forest bathing Of course, our normal ways of connecting socially — like singing together at a concert or going to large parties — may have to change. But whatever we can do to maintain an air of calm, and to spread it to those around us, the better. After all, our emotions tend to be contagious in our social circles, and we should do our best to keep fear and panic contained. 3. Show gratitude One of the kindest things we can do is to say “thank you” to those who are doing what they can to fight the outbreak. As with my son’s university, it doesn’t hurt to send a message of thanks to people and organizations that are doing the right thing — whether it’s a tour group that offers refunds for cancelled trips, the neighbor who delivers a spare mask to you, or viral experts who give you straight-up information on how to stay safe. “How can we stay calmer and make wiser choices? One way is to use whatever tools you have at your disposal for keeping a cool head – like practising mindfulness.” When we show gratitude toward others, we let them know that their actions matter, which encourages more of the same kind of behavior — not only toward the grateful person but to others. Creating a cycle of altruism is helpful when we are faced with a challenge that affects us all, helping to foster trust in each other and care for each other’s plight. RELATED: The power of kindness 4. Remember our common humanity and show compassion When we are fearful, our first instinct might be to cast blame on others or to indulge in prejudice toward groups we see as responsible. News reports already show that some people of Asian descent in the United States are finding themselves shunned or the victims of racist profiling, simply because the virus appears to have originated in China. Though we might rationally know that no one person or country can be blamed for a viral outbreak, our minds still seek simple explanations. Research suggests that when we recognize our common humanity and show compassion, we are more likely to pull together and to solve issues that may be complex in nature. You can start by giving yourself some compassion, which can help you become more willing to admit mistakes and take steps to correct them. This is important, as human error can be costly when there is a viral outbreak, and we need to work together to learn from our mistakes. Of course, all of these guidelines don’t supplant the importance of practising good hygiene. We need to continue to frequently wash our hands and avoid touching our faces, so that we can lessen the chance of infecting ourselves and others. But we also should remember our social hygiene — looking for the heroes, staying calm ourselves, being grateful, and remembering our common humanity. In this way, we can help to make the world safer for all of us. ● This article originally appeared on Greater Good, the online magazine of the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley. happiness.com is grateful to republish it with the kind permission of the Greater Good Science Center. greatergood.berkeley.edu
  18. I've never had a professional one, but if you focus on the massage, you can let go the stress.
  19. Do you see your sisters as competitors, or why do you stress yourself? If you are looking for alone time and space, you could go outside, enjoy the weather, visit a lake or what ever relaxes you. Maybe some friends from your school would like to join you, if you ask them.
  20. I struggle with finding my happiness because I stress myself a lot. I have a mess ton of siblings and not much alone time so it’s very nice to have someone like a friend to connect with. I hope we become great friends.
  21. I'm a Nicheren Buddhist. I help people heal and find peace, based on Buddhist principles. I sometimes get very drained. Emotionally exhausted. How can I lift myself from this state?
  22. Hi there, Nice list! Hope you'll consider The Language of Mindfulness podcast as well ! https://anchor.fm/languageofmindfulness Best to you.
  23. Some people resist compassionate support from others. Here’s why — and what they can do about it. By Emiliana R. Simon-Thomas, science director of the Greater Good Science Center. What gets in the way of compassion? Many of us aspire to be more compassionate in our own lives, and to build a more compassionate society. In doing so, we work hard to overcome barriers that keep us from being motivated to help those around us — the overwhelm, apathy, and divisions. But we don’t often think about the obstacles that might keep someone from comfortably receiving compassion. Yet research suggests that some people actually fear becoming the targets of compassion, and it may be hurting their mental health. Here’s why some of us resist help — and what we can do to open ourselves up to compassion from other people. What’s scary about compassion? A recent study published in the journal Mindfulness explores how the fear of receiving compassion can affect people’s behavior in difficult times. Researchers surveyed 85 female undergraduates from a large Canadian university about compassion-avoidance, measured in statements like, “If I think someone is being kind and caring to me, I put up a barrier.” Those who reported being more afraid of compassion also said they were less likely to share their struggles with friends and family. Why should this be a problem? Social support in times of distress helps us cope with and recover from life’s difficult moments. On a practical level, support can help us resolve or correct the circumstances that lead to the difficulties in the first place. One nationwide study found that lack of social support increases vulnerability to psychological disorders and disease, and imposes a risk factor to physical health greater than a lifetime smoking habit. Supportive friends and family also put the brakes on excessive self-criticism. We rely on others to remind us that we are safe, important, and promising — a critical aspect of coping. In fact, studies by the University of Derby’s Paul Gilbert have shown that self-criticism in combination with fear of compassion puts people at a markedly greater risk of depression. Other research suggests that people who have a greater fear of receiving compassion tend to suppress their emotional responses to difficult experiences, a habit that is tied to cardiovascular risk and alexithymia: a diminished capacity to recognize emotions within oneself and in other people. Finally, fear of receiving compassion has been tied to lower mindfulness, a characteristic associated with myriad benefits to health and well-being. Given the benefits, why do some people resist receiving compassion? Some worry that the other person will not respond supportively; they’ll reject or dismiss the issue. The situation may also arouse a nascent distress that comes from a person’s formative childhood memories of being ignored or treated with hostility, rather than compassion. For example, some research suggests that people who recall their parents as less warm have a greater fear of receiving compassion. “Social support in times of distress helps us cope with and recover from life’s difficult moments.” Even if support is offered, it may feel awkward, uncomfortable, or even painful to be under the spotlight of compassion. Receiving compassionate support may challenge a person’s sense of alignment with social or cultural norms around keeping a stoic grip on one’s emotions, or being seen as individually self-sufficient, “together,” or “low-maintenance.” Receiving compassion inherently involves an acknowledgment of personal vulnerability, which may make it harder to “hold it together” or (if things get emotional) add shame to the equation. Some may also avoid feeling like a burden, obliging others to waste their precious time and energy. Finally, some people are less inclined to talk about personally humiliating or defeating experiences — times that feel like proof of our absolute failure. For them, disclosing these feelings feels too risky; they fear that sharing personal difficulties is more likely to worsen, rather than improve, how they feel. Do any of these reasons sound familiar to you? Keep reading. The healing power of self-compassion The Mindfulness study identified one way to reduce the fear of compassion from others: kindness toward yourself. The researchers asked participants to write a paragraph about a personally unpleasant experience, one that they remembered as humiliating and shameful, for ten minutes. They were randomly split into three groups. Researchers told the first to think about their experience self-compassionately. Self-compassion involves relating to our own difficult experiences from the outside looking in, extending kindness and support towards ourselves as we might toward a grieving friend. The second group was instructed to think about preserving their own self-esteem as they wrote. The last could write freely, exploring and describing their experience in detail. “Other research suggests that people who have a greater fear of receiving compassion tend to suppress their emotional responses to difficult experiences, a habit that is tied to cardiovascular risk and alexithymia.” Participants rated how “upset” and “distressed” they felt before and after this writing exercise. The result? Those who practiced self-compassion seemed to feel better. The self-compassionate writing decreased bad feelings even more among participants with a high fear of compassion, compared to the self-esteem and free-writing approaches. This suggests that writing about a difficult personal experience through a self-compassionate lens may be more emotionally restorative than other approaches, including trying to preserve self-esteem or just letting it all out. Could self-compassion also help people reach out for support, despite their fear of receiving compassion? After the first exercise, researchers asked participants to write something else: a letter about their difficult experience, which they would ultimately share with another participant whom they had never met. Afterward, researchers claimed, participants would be paired up to exchange letters and discuss their experiences together. Before writing the letters, participants reported how risky it felt, in that moment, to share their story. (Despite this forewarning — perhaps as a welcome surprise — the experiment ended at this point: no actual discussion occurred.) In general, the more fearful participants were, the riskier it felt to write and share the letter. But for participants in the self-compassion group, that link diminished. Thus, self-compassion not only lessened participants’ negative feelings in the moment, but also made a subsequent opportunity for self-disclosure seem less risky. “Moreover, as self-compassion has been linked to feeling more secure and connected to others within one’s social world, practicing self-compassion might have led these individuals to feel safer, less threatened, and thereby more trusting of others, loosening the connection between their fears and the perceived risks associated with self-disclosure,” the researchers wrote. To reduce fears around receiving compassion, people who are willing may also benefit from training in offering compassion to others. As former Greater Good Science Center postdoctoral fellow Tristin Inagaki’s 2016 study shows, compassion decidedly rewards the giver, too. For others, treatments like Compassion-Focused Therapy may be the best approach. The bottom line: graciously receiving compassion is a skill, one well worth developing. ● Stop beating yourself up for flaws and mistakes. Try this self-compassion letter from Greater Good In Action Written by Greater Good Science Center This article originally appeared on Greater Good, the online magazine of the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley. Happiness.com is honoured to republish them with the kind permission of the Greater Good Science Center. greatergood.berkeley.edu
  24. In a mainstream news agendum that seems to be increasingly focused on negativity, here is Ed Gould's round-up of the top nine positive news stories from the month of March. Read these heartwarming stories and get happy! 1. Cigarette Butts Can Be Recycled They might be just waste to many, but a company in the US has developed a way of recycling old cigarette butts. New Jersey-based Terracycle has found the cellulose acetate used in cigarette filters can be 'upcycled' into nappies, special packaging and – you may have guessed it already – new filters for cigarettes. At present, most butts go to landfill and are not recycled in any way. The company is set to build partnerships with other well-known brands, like Subaru, as it expands. 2. Indian Beach Sees Transformative Power of Volunteers Turtles have returned to the beach of Versova close to Mumbai following the work of a local volunteer, Afroz Shah, and a team of dedicated helpers. Ridley turtles have now been spotted on the beach for the first time in years, according to The Times of India. The two-mile stretch of beach had been covered in rubbish until Shah decided to begin clearing it up on his own. After several weeks, others joined in, leading to one of the world's largest volunteer-led clean-up operations. Around 45 tons of plastic were removed from the beach during the operation. Isn't people power amazing? Turtles in Versova, India, returned to beaches thanks to a huge clean-up operation by humans 3. Plastic Straw Usage Sees Another Blow The use of plastic straws for drinks consumption may not be very trendy at the moment but they are still in widespread use. Thankfully, some rather large organisations have seen that consumers are demanding their withdrawal in many areas. In March, more hope was gained for campaigners on the issue when the restaurant giant McDonald's announced that it would withdraw plastic straws from all of the 1,300 outlets it runs in the UK from May. According to Sky News, paper straws will replace single-use plastic ones. 4. Townsfolk Rescue Dolphins Trapped By Ice Few news stories offer a greater sense of happiness than a successful animal rescue mission. Thanks to the good people of Trinity Bay in Newfoundland, that is exactly what happened when heavy excavation machinery was used to smash up ice that had formed in the bay to allow trapped dolphins to escape to the open ocean beyond. According to reports on CBC Canada, the local fire service was called in to help a group of dolphins escape with local people cheering their efforts on. 5. Scientific Breakthrough Could Protect Delicate Reefs The downward cycle in one of the ocean's most delicate habitats – coral reefs – could face an upward turn thanks to a new scientific development. The Australian Institute of Marine Biology has come up with a system which acts as a barrier against the sun's overly strong rays. Forming something of a sun shield for the life forms below, the barrier will sit on the surface of the sea but won't interfere with normal marine life. Trials with the material found that fewer incidences of so-called reef bleaching were discovered when the barrier, which filters harmful ultraviolet rays, was used. Coral reef comeback: a new barrier can block the harmful UB rays from the sun that destroy reefs 6. People With Multiple Sclerosis Offered New Hope Scientific researchers have announced a new therapy may be around the corner for those living with multiple sclerosis (MS). Dr Matt Craner, the clinical lead from the University of Oxford which ran trials of a new programme, said in the UK press that the study was a “potential landmark” in the fight against the condition. Impacting on two and a half million people globally, MS may now be able to be treated with stem cell therapy. In trials, researchers saw less brain 'shrinkage' in those who were given the treatment compared with those who took a placebo. 7. Environmental Engineer Develops Fuel From Human Excrement In positive news for anyone who wants to see a sustainable way of dealing with waste as well as creating forms of energy that don't rely on fossil fuels, a US environmental engineer has come up with a novel approach to the problem. Andrew Foote has developed a system whereby burnable briquettes are made from human poo, at his venture in Kenya, as reported by Reuters. Lower in carbon than other alternatives, his fuel offers a longer-lasting alternative to charcoal. Set up with the Norwegian Refugee Council, his organisation could help people in refugee camps globally. 8. Total Solar Power For Diu, India More positive news from the environment was reported by The Times of India in March when an entire district was found to have been powered by solar rays for the first time. Thirteen megawatts of renewable energy were created in Diu district, formerly part of Portuguese India. The entire population of 56,000 inhabitants received electrical power derived from sunlight in March and – what's more – also saw a reduction in their domestic energy bills. Solar savings: increased sun-power in this part of India also led to a decrease in electricity bills! 9. Cancer Detection Now Possible In Pen Form A handheld 'pen' may revolutionise cancer detection, making it much easier for doctors to make diagnoses of certain cancers, according to technology developers. The MasSpec Pen, as it's called, is said to have a 96 percent success rate with detections. Developed in the US, the pen could be used anywhere in the world and would be especially good in the field where other medical equipment might not be viable. As reported in the French newspaper, Le Figaro, the pen can make a diagnosis within just ten seconds. ● Written by Ed Gould Ed Gould is a UK-based journalist and freelance writer. He is a practitioner of Reiki.
  25. Als erstes muss ich mich als Gelegenheitsmeditierer outen - wobei mir die Vorteile von Meditation absolut klar und bewusst sind. Und ich auch aus eigener Erfahrung sagen kann, dass jede Meditation sofortige Wirkung zeigte. Warum ich trotzdem nicht regelmäßiger meditiere? Kurioserweise hat mich bisher am meisten Terminstress und meine innere Unruhe davon abgehalten, tägliche Meditation zu lernen und zu praktizieren. Kurios deswegen, weil Meditation mir erfahrungsgemäß großartig dabei hilft, Stress und innere Unruhe abzumildern und gut in den Griff zu bekommen. Nun habe ich vor einigen Tagen damit begonnen, direkt nach dem Aufwachen einige Minuten im Bett sitzend bei geöffnetem Fenster Meditationsmusik oder eine geführte Meditation zu hören. Das bietet sich in meinem Falle an, weil ich ein sehr früher Vogel bin und so die morgendliche Stille, die frische Luft und die langsam schwindende Dunkelheit geniessen kann. Für mich die perfekten Voraussetzungen für eine energetische Aufladung und damit für einen frischen Start in den Tag! Und direkt nach dem Aufwachen haben Unruhe und Stress noch keine Gelegenheit von mir Besitz zu ergreifen. Und nach meiner morgendlichen Meditation bin ich ausreichend gewappnet. ihnen auch den Tag hindurch Paroli zu bieten. Ich kann also allen, denen es ähnlich geht, die sich meistens zu hibbelig fühlen, um die Ruhe in der Meditation zu finden, nur raten: Sucht euch die zu euch passende Umgebung, Zeit, Dauer und Form der Meditation. Ein Setting, das sich natürlich für euch anfühlt und ohne Aufwand geschaffen werden kann. Dann geht's euch vielleicht wie mir und Meditation wird so normal wie Zähneputzen...
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