Search the Community

The ancient technique of tummo breathing has been practised for decades by Tibetan monks in order to raise their body temperature. But could its benefits also extend to help stress-related conditions? Dee Marques finds out... During the past year, most of us have struggled with anxiety or fear in one way or another. If you’re part of the happiness community, you’re probably familiar with some common tools and techniques that can help reduce stress and anxiety. In previous blog posts, we’ve covered breathing and meditation techniques like Tonglen or Kundalini. Today it’s time to dive deep into another helpful method to feel centred and calm: tummo breathing. Tummo breathing: the studies Let’s start with a little background. Tummo, which is sometimes called Chandali yoga, is a Tibetan meditation technique that relies on a mix of breathing and visualization exercises. This ancient practice is mentioned in sacred texts dating back to the 8th century, where the word “tummo” means “heat”. RELATED: Visualization meditation – how to practise it The fact that tummo originated in Tibet isn’t a coincidence. Due to its high altitude, temperatures in the Tibetan plateau often drop below zero. You probably know how difficult it is to focus and relax when you feel cold, and this is something that Tibetan Buddhist monks had to deal with too. The practice of tummo breathing emerged in response to this challenge, as its main purpose is to awaken the body’s inner fire. As someone who is affected by low temperatures, I was intrigued about tummo breathing. After all, if we’re able to control body temperature, we’re also able to control other biological processes that interfere with our inner peace. But is it really possible to do this? Tummo breathing originates from Tibetan monks When I was researching this piece, I came across a study that confirms how tummo is able to do what it claims. The study in question was conducted by researchers from Harvard University who had met the Dalai Lama during his visit to the United States. Throughout the 1980s, researchers visited remote Buddhist monasteries in Tibet and northern India. Incredibly, they found that monks who practised tummo breathing could raise the temperature of their skin – by up to seven degrees. • JOIN US! Discover more about meditation at happiness.com • This feat is even more astonishing when we consider the conditions under which these monks meditated. According to the study, they only wore basic woollen robes and slept outdoors directly on rocks, with no mattress or insulation other than their clothes. Overnight, temperatures dropped to up to -17C and the monks slept without so much as a shiver. Another study went even further by wrapping freezing-cold and wet sheets around the monks’ shoulders while their meditated. The results were the same: not even a shiver. Later on, magnetic resonance studies found that during meditation, the monks had an unusual blood flow in the brain area and they hypothesized that this allowed the brain to take over body functions like temperature and metabolism. “Monks who practised tummo breathing could raise the temperature of their skin – by up to seven degrees.” These findings point at the many uses of tummo breathing, even if we’re not Tibetan monks. One of the leading researchers in the studies stated that tummo can deepen the connection between mind and body, and give us better tools to treat stress-related conditions, including high blood pressure, depression, insomnia and anxiety. Tummo is worth a try even if you already practise other types of mediation, since it’s one more way to expand your range of stress-reducing tools. The more tools you have, the better equipped you’ll be to protect your well-being. The benefits of tummo breathing Being able to raise or maintain a reasonable body temperature is an interesting perk, but after researching tummo, I’d say this is far from its main benefit or purpose. In fact, tummo can give us a deeper appreciation of the mind-body connection and of how powerful our thoughts can be. This practice can bring similar benefits involved in other breathing techniques, including a healthier stress response that benefits the immune system. Moreover, deep breathing can tone up the vagus nerve, which is responsible for controlling the correct functioning of several organs. • JOIN US! Sign-up free to happiness.com to share your story and challenges • And, if done regularly or in combination with other controlled breathing techniques, such as diaphragmatic breathing, tummo breathing can bring all the above benefits plus core stability, increased tolerance for high-intensity exercise, and a reduced risk of muscle injury. How to practise tummo breathing The basic idea is to tap into your internal energy through a series of breathing exercises and visualizations so that “psychic heat” becomes actual heat. Suggested position for tummo breathing shutterstock/kei907 To start with, sit in a comfortable position. Before you start this session, exhale forcefully to clear any stagnant energy from the lungs. Then follow these steps: Bring your hands together in front of you and rub them energetically. When your hands are warm, place your left hand on your navel, and the right hand over it. Keep your hands in this position for the entire session. Start the first tummo breathing sequence: inhale deeply while pulling your shoulders back and letting the rib cage expand. Exhale loudly bringing your shoulders forward. Repeat the inhale-exhale sequence 3 or 4 times. Now switch to gentle breathing for a few seconds. Start the second sequence by inhaling deeply. Hold your breath for a couple of seconds and keep your shoulders square. Exhale, let your shoulders relax, and push your abdomen out. Repeat the inhale-exhale sequence 2 or 3 times. Switch to gentle breathing for a few seconds. Repeat the first sequence 5 times. Before you exhale for the last time, hold your breath for 2 seconds, then exhale slowly. There’s a second version of tummo breathing where instead of pushing the abdomen out, you let it go back to its natural position. You can see a demonstration in this YouTube video, from minute 18:00 onward. The first part of the video demonstrates the exercise described above. “Tummo breathing can give us better tools to treat stress-related conditions, including high blood pressure, depression, insomnia and anxiety.” In Tibetan Buddhism, tummo breathing is accompanied by visualization exercises to further raise the body’s temperature. The main technique involves concentrating on images of flames or fire and associated them to key parts of the body. For example: Visualize the area surrounding the second chakra being fuelled by a fast-burning fire. Visualize the spinal cord as if it was made up of flames which rise up your body from the navel to the crown of the head. Visualize your hands and feet as if they were the sun, and focus on their radiating and warming effect. The takeaway: tummo breathing Tummo breathing is an ancient technique that can help establish a deeper connection between mind and body. Even if you’re not able to raise your body temperature like a Tibetan monk, tummo can be an interesting addition to your arsenal of meditation and relaxation techniques. • Main image: Dmitry Kalinovsky happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practice, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine ■ share and support in our happiness forum ■ develop with free online Academy courses Enlightenment | Meditation | Stress management Written by Dee Marques A social sciences graduate with a keen interest in languages, communication, and personal development strategies. Dee loves exercising, being out in nature, and discovering warm and sunny places where she can escape the winter.

If you constantly feel dependent on others to help you navigate through life and make decisions, you may be emotionally dependent. Psychologist Stanislava Puač Jovanović explains what the term means and offers up five ways to stop being clingy and get confident. Being in a happy, committed relationship is intertwined with knowing that your partner has got your back. You know that you can lean on them in times of need. And this feels good. However, reliance can also be pathological. This is when we speak of emotional dependency. This article will explain how to recognize emotional dependency, why it can make you utterly unhappy, and how to deal with it. What is emotional dependency? The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM–5) recognizes dependent personality disorder as an anxious personality disorder. Its main trait is an overall feeling of helplessness and feebleness. Individuals diagnosed with this disorder are often submissive. To various degrees, they are incapable of taking care of themselves. Others would describe such an individual as needy or clingy. In the roots of such dependency on others is a profound fear of abandonment. To prevent the feared rejection, the emotionally dependent person will usually clutch onto someone they care about to the point in which closeness becomes too much. The official diagnosis of someone being emotionally dependent is based upon these criteria: Needing input, reassurance, and advice from others, even for routine decisions Requiring others to help with responsibilities Fearing disagreement with others and risking disapproval Difficulty starting projects without support from others Excessive need for care and support from others (which makes the person submissive and ready to tolerate transgressions because they fear rejection or disapproval) Feeling vulnerable and helpless when alone Desperately seeking another relationship when one ends Being unrealistically preoccupied with being left alone However, as you may have noticed, the symptoms are more focused on functional dependency. Emotional dependency seems to be secondary in the official classification. This is why some authors are vocal about the theoretical, etiological, and empirical arguments for the existence of emotional dependency as a separate disorder. It goes beyond the criteria above. For example, an emotionally dependent person might not be as reliant on others to make their everyday decisions. They could also function well as professionals. However, when they feel distressed, anxious, or insecure in any way, they lack the capacity to tackle these feelings on their own. Is your relationship emotionally dependent? shutterstock/LightField Studios To understand emotional dependency a bit better, it might help imagining a spectrum. On one end, there is complete emotional independence. Those are the people who hav developed an avoidant attachment style. But that doesn't mean that they are emotionally self-sufficient, which would be healthy. They are dismissive of emotional closeness whatsoever. In the golden middle are people in interdependent relationships. They possess an optimal balance between emotional intimacy and autonomy. When they need reassurance, they will go to their partners. But they are not lost without them. They live in a healthy ratio of emotional give and take. Interdependent partners respect the other and themselves as an individual and enjoy the togetherness. • JOIN US! Sign-up to get support from our caring community • Finally, there are emotionally dependent individuals. They rely on their partners (most commonly), friends, or family members to meet all of their emotional needs. They experience full-blown separation anxiety when they are away from their loved ones. They are insecure and fear losing their partners. When distressed, they would not even try to calm themselves down. Instead, they immediately reach out to others. Every emotional need requires the other to be met. How can emotional dependency impact happiness? Emotional dependency is, arguably, a secure path towards being unhappy. It jeopardises our well-being and that of those close to us in more ways than one. High levels of stress and anxiety, poor self-care, and vulnerability to abuse are merely a few companions of emotional dependency. Let us start broadly. The first, somewhat philosophical question we may pose is – how happy can we be if our happiness depends on external circumstances? When our emotional balance and self-image depend on what others will say or do, are we not bound to feel miserable most of the time? Emotional dependency hinders our contentment because it puts us at the mercy of things that are out of our control. “Emotional dependency is, arguably, a secure path towards being unhappy. It jeopardises our well-being and that of those close to us in more ways than one.” And, with the word “control”, we get to the other argument for someone to start dealing with their own emotional dependency. According to an informative analysis published in the International Journal of Reality Therapy, emotional dependency is usually enacted through pleasing others or trying to solve their problems. However, according to the author, such behaviour is equally as destructive as aggressive coercion. Why? Emotional dependency is an attempt at controlling others. It usually is not a conscious one. The emotionally dependent person does not push anyone directly into doing what they want. Nonetheless, by being the “rescuer” or the “pleaser”, they compel others to behave in a certain manner. And forcing others to do as we please is, without a doubt, a sure recipe for unhealthy relationships. In this way, through emotional dependency, a large chunk of the formula for physical and mental health is put at risk. Healthy interpersonal relationships are essential for well-being. Emotionally dependent individuals tend to form a co-dependent relationship. Although one of the partners is usually the more dominant and aggressive one, while the other is more of a pleaser, both are usually burdened by emotional dependency. According to the same analysis we mentioned above, such a form of interaction results in an equal amount of unhappiness as abuse does – for both partners. Overcoming emotional dependency Unfortunately, we cannot say that overcoming emotional dependency is an easy task. As a personality disorder (or a part of the disorder, depending on author), it proves to be quite resistant to change. It is probably a highly persistent factor inducing anxiety and dysfunction in your life. Nonetheless, there are many ways to tackle both the emotional dependency as such and the consequences surrounding it. Here are five ways you can start building emotional independence and strength. 1. Seek professional help You might consider talking to a psychotherapist to assist you on your path towards emotional independence. They will help you understand where the dependency comes from. You will learn to see your triggers and control your reactions to them. With professional support, you can address the underlying causes of your insecurity and helplessness to bear with emotions and challenges on your own. 2. Learn the skill of assertiveness Assertiveness training will help you in two ways. First, it will give you practical tools to communicate with people with confidence and not fall victim to an abusive person. Assertiveness makes you more confident in setting the boundaries. Assertiveness is the opposite of submissiveness. • JOIN US! Sign up today and make new friends at happiness.com • Secondly, by contemplating the so-called assertive rights of each individual, you will start changing your attitude towards yourself, trusting and respecting yourself more. Stop clingy behaviour and become assertive shutterstock/Studio Romantic 3. Develop your emotional intelligence Emotionally dependent people seem to lack some of the components of emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence means being able to recognize and manage your emotions, as well as to understand those of others and healthily connect with them. When you build your ability to, most importantly, withstand and control your emotional reactions, you are gradually moving towards emotional self-sufficiency. 4. Practise self-compassion and self-care When a person is emotionally dependent, they, unfortunately, open themselves up for various forms of abuse. They can easily be taken advantage of if they meet the wrong person. If you feel that your emotional dependency has led you to do things you were not proud of, what you need is plenty of self-compassion. “Being alone is highly challenging for emotionally dependent people. Yet, try to develop the skill of feeling comfortable on your own gradually.” Also, commit to a self-care routine (physically and psychologically). In this way, you will nurture yourself instead of needing others to do so. Respect your body and your mind and provide them with plenty of kindness. Especially if you were exposed to abuse, self-care is essential for you to recuperate. 5. Work towards feeling comfortable being alone Being alone (being single; or even spending time alone) is highly challenging for emotionally dependent people. Yet, try to develop the skill of feeling comfortable on your own gradually. Combined with the suggestions above, you will start noticing that you can, in fact, deal with problems and uncomfortable feelings even when no one is around to console you. Become emotionally autonomous and liberated For a person who is emotionally dependent, it might sound like a challenge of a lifetime to become autonomous and independent. After all, you probably spent your entire life feeling this way. You always needed others to feel secure and reassured. You built your entire life around emotional dependency, one way or the other. Maybe you feel too deeply rooted in your co-dependent relationships. Could you change your entire social environment? Would you even want to? It probably feels terrifying, as that is precisely what you have feared your entire life – being on your own. However, there is a healthier way to relate. It involves being with and not depending on others. And, the best news is – it can be done. You can do it. With the right kind of help and a will to break free from emotional dependency, you too can become a self-sufficient and confident person. So, find support and start making the first steps towards a new, liberated life. • happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine ■ share and support in our happiness forum ■ Develop with free online Academy classes Relationship advice | Letting go | Abuse Written by Stanislava Puač Jovanović Stanislava Puač Jovanović has a master’s degree in psychology and works as a freelance writer and researcher in this area. Her primary focus is on questions relating to mental health, stress-management, self-development and well-being.

Through time many religions have harnessed the power of the moon for its benefit on humanity. Jacqui Paterson explores so-called lunar living – using the influence of the moon to tap back into natural bodily rhythms and bring about positive change. From the dawn of human consciousness, we’ve been enthralled by the moon. Eternally circling the Earth, this celestial body has inspired everything from artwork and songs, to philosophy and the first human space exploration. Calculated to be 4.5 billion years old, the moon is the slightly younger offspring of the Earth. Current belief is that it was formed when a Mars-sized object slammed into our fledging planet, shearing off some of the outer layers and exploding the material outwards. Gravity quickly moulded the debris from both the bodies into a ball, which was then locked in a circling orbit around Earth. There’s no mistaking the symbiotic relationship the moon has with Earth. Bound together by each other’s gravity (ours is stronger, which is why the moon is in our orbit, and not the other way around) the moon even helped make Earth habitable by throwing its gravitational lasso around the planet. This slowed and stabilised its rotation, securing it at just the right tilt to allow the climate conditions that encouraged life to evolve. Indeed, we owe life, as we know it, to the moon. Humanity: the link to the moon We see its influence every single day in the changing of the tides. Although nearly 240,000 miles away, its gravitational pull is powerful enough to lift and drop the waters of our oceans, called the tidal force. In the UK’s Bristol Channel, which has the second-highest tidal range in the world, the difference between low and high tide can be a jaw-dropping 14 metres. The moon and the tide are so intrinsically linked it’s easy to understand why people believe a magical bond exists to this day. It’s a much-repeated fact that up to 60 per cent of the adult human body is made up of water; if the moon can have this much physical impact on the water of our planet, is it feasible it could have an influence on our bodies too? Lunar living: could the moon influence our body? shutterstock/paulista Science hasn’t decisively proven any such link, but there is still much we need to understand, for example – why some studies have indicated human sleep patterns are affected by different lunar phases. Oftentimes, the ‘magic’ of the moon is not tangible: think of the sense of wonder and well-being you feel simply from gazing at the moon at its full, shining finest. The humbling majesty of a supermoon, when the full moon coincides with the satellite being at its closest point to Earth and seems big enough to swallow up the entire night sky. RELATED: Gazing at the stars – replacing your worries with wonder Imagine being born hundreds of years ago, before the scientific know-how of today, and seeing the moon wax and wane over the weeks, sometimes disappearing completely and other times shining so brightly farmers could harvest crops into the night using just its luminescence. “The moon and the tide are so intrinsically linked it’s easy to understand why people believe a magical bond exists to this day.” Moonlight is the subject of countless songs, poems and sonnets, but it’s actually a misnomer, as the moon generates no light at all. The magical luminescence we’ve marvelled at for thousands of years comes partly from the light of distant stars and our own ‘Earthshine’, but mostly it’s the light of the sun reflecting off its surface. As the moon circles around the Earth, it passes between us and the sun. At that point, the half lit by the Sun faces away from us so we can only see the side in total darkness, giving the illusion that there is no moon in the sky – called the new moon. Continuing its elliptical orbit, light begins to reach the visible surface again, revealing the moon in slices – first the crescent, quarter, gibbous (three-quarter), then the full moon as the entire surface is exposed to the illumination of the sun. A growing moon is described as ‘waxing’ and as it moves away and begins to lose its full sheen, it’s called waning. The process then continues, with the shadow now moving across the other side of the moon, going to gibbous, last quarter, crescent, then back to the darkened new moon. The entire process takes an average of 29.5 days. Over the millennia, this perpetual routine has been used mark the passing of time and seasons. It’s been used by many civilisations to herald Pagan and religious ceremonies. It’s also been vitally important for agriculture over the centuries, telling farmers when to hunt, plant and harvest their crops. The word month actually takes its roots from the word Moon and the lunar calendar used by the Romans eventually evolved into the Gregorian calendar we use today. Lunar living: connecting to the moon While we no longer need the moon to tell us what we should be doing and when (we now have smartphones and watches to do that) more and more people are turning back to this pock-marked celestial body to find respite from the demands of modern life. Indeed, moon magic has long been practised in Paganism and different religions over the centuries. In more modern times, these same techniques have been harnessed and honed by people who believe the gravitational tug of the moon directly influences our energy and motivation levels. Many religions celebrate the magical nature of the moon Yoga and meditation teacher and self-titled ‘Moon Mentor’, Kirsty Gallagher, has spent ten years exploring how to harness this ancient influence to tap back into the natural rhythms of your body and bring positive changes to your life. As we all know from personal experience, modern life can be relentless, and somewhere along the way we’ve stopped taking time for ourselves. Many people wear their burnout like a badge of honour, but this can be a damaging way to live – mentally and physically. ‘Tiredness, exhaustion, overwhelm, begrudgingly saying yes, feeling taken advantage of, snapping and losing it when it all gets too much are all sure signs that something is out of alignment and you are in need of some self-care and time out,’ Kirsty writes in her Sunday Times bestselling book, Lunar Living. So, how do we get off the hamster wheel? Look to the moon, Kirsty advises. ‘One of the moon’s biggest teachings is that there is a time to be and a time to do. Even the moon doesn’t shine at her brightest 365 days of the year, showing us that if we don’t take time out to rest, we’ll have no energy, inspiration or motivation when it’s our time to shine!’ In fact, for a few days every month, the moon disappears from view. This is when you should ‘disappear’ too, Kirsty suggests. Not literally, but metaphorically – pressing pause on your regular life to rest and reflect. This could mean taking a day off work to journal and meditate, or even just carving an hour out of your day to unapologetically practise some self-care. “Lunar Living gives you rhyme and reason, rhythm and flow, purpose and permission. It helps you to take back control of your life.” The new moon symbolises wiping the slate clean, recharging and getting ready to renew. It’s a time to turn inwards to listen to your intuition, visualize your dreams and crystallize your thoughts, making it perfect time to figure out a new direction for your life or career, or even address personal issues. Ophira and Tali Edut are US celebrity astrologers, also known as the AstroTwins. Writing for the mindbodygreen website, they advise us to view the new moon as a ‘cosmic reset’, a time to connect to those lunar energies and set new goals. As the moon moves from crescent to quarter, and light returns, we begin to see life more brightly and clearly, the pair explains. Use this time to research ideas and start building momentum for a new project or goal. Spot obstacles and find ways to clear them. Over the weeks, the moon acts like a celestial alarm clock, keeping you on track and reminding you to keep moving forward. And by the time of the full moon, your thoughts should be as bright and clear as the night skies; now is the time to assess exactly where you are and make decisions. What is working and what is not? Do you plough forward, or change direction? As the light begins to wane again, this is time to cross that finish line and ‘harvest’ the rewards of those projects started nearly a month before. The final days are used to tie up loose ends and also sit for a while in that sense of achievement. When the moon silently slips back into the shadows, once again it’s time again for meditation, visualization and introspection. Synching yourself with moon phases may be an ancient concept, but its arguably more relevant to modern life than ever. As Kirsty writes: ‘Lunar Living gives you rhyme and reason, rhythm and flow, purpose and permission. It helps you to take back control of your life.’ • Main image: shutterstock/IgorZh happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free now to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ self-develop with free online classes in our happiness Academy Nature | Astrology | Spirituality Written by Jacqui Paterson Jacqui has been a true-life and travel journalist for over 25 years and has travelled all over the world telling people's stories. Originally from New Zealand, she's now based in the UK, where she also wrangles two pre-teen daughters, and runs her lifestyle blog, Jacqui Paterson.com

There were plenty of feel-good health and environmental stories in the press during May. Ed Gould rounds up his Top Ten from the past month to uplift and inspire. May marked a change in the fortunes of many countries around the world. Although significant conflict and virus control remained a challenge in many places, there was also a lot of progress being made in others. Indeed, May was full of feel-good news stories. Here are our Top 10 highlights from the past month... 1.Recycling water from air-conditioning units possible As water resources become scarcer, cities in the driest places on the planet will find it harder to replenish resources. However, a new technology has been developed that's able to harvest the water in air-conditioning systems and use what would otherwise simply go to waste. According to Bloomberg, air-conditioning plants are already giving up their water for low-value processes, such as flushing the toilet. The collected water is also being used to water plants and it's hoped that one day the reprocessed water could be made safe to drink. 2. Mindfulness interventions help treat ADHD Attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is an increasingly diagnosed condition among children but there aren't many treatment pathways. Where medications are offered, a significant minority of youngsters see only limited benefits. However, a report published in News Medical in May stated that mindfulness parenting training can make a big difference. A control group of eight to 16-year-olds were compared with a group who undertook mindfulness-based intervention programmes and one third were seen to enjoy positive effects, according to the research group based at the Radboud University Medical Centre in the Netherlands. RELATED: 7 mindfulness tips for staying engaged 3. Algae used to treat blindness A new medical procedure using algae has been developed to help restore the sight of people with a form of blindness. According to a report by the BBC, a blind man had proteins restored in his retina that had been grown using nothing more than algae. The report stated that the man realised the therapy was starting to work when he was first able to detect the highly contrasting stripes of a pedestrian crossing. The man, from France, lived with a condition called retinitis pigmentosa, and it's now hoped that others with the disorder will be able to be treated using a similar technique. Algae is being used to treat blindness shutterstock/Chokniti Khongchum 4. Ocean plastics used for vessel's fuel The Manta is a yacht like no other. This catamaran seeks out the many pieces of plastic waste that are floating around in the world's oceans and scoops them up. However, this vessel is much more than a clearing up machine, as reported by Intelligent Living magazine. It also uses the energy that is embedded in the plastic it captures as a fuel source so it can continue its operations. The yacht is the brainchild of Yvan Bourgnon, a former competitive sailor, who reckons the vessel can collect over 2.5 tonnes of waste plastic per hour! RELATED: Sailing the world – 5 life lessons I've learned 5. Land protection targets on track globally According to a report in the Guardian, the world is on track to meet its commitment to safeguarding the land and inland waterways it committed to under the UN Environment Programme. A report published by the International Union for Conservation of Nature stated that 17 per cent of land and inland water ecosystems of the world along with about eight per cent of marine areas had been placed into formally protected areas. The report suggested that a landmass the size of Russia was conserved thanks to the international agreement to commit to more protection. 6. Extinct giant river otter rediscovered In a world of diminishing biodiversity, rediscovering species that were thought to have perished is a joy. To find a large mammal surviving in its natural habitat is even more exciting. And this is exactly what happened in May when a kayaker found a giant river otter hunting in Argentina's El Impenetrable National Park. Sebastián Di Martino, director of conservation at Fundación Rewilding Argentina, said that he had initially been sceptical about the discovery but now simply felt happiness. And rightly so. The thought-to-be-extinct creature had not been seen for over 30 years. A giant river otter shutterstock/OSTILL is Franck Camhi 7. Wind turbine blades soon to be fully recyclable Wind turbines may help with the reduction of human reliance on fossil fuels but this does not mean that they don't come with a carbon cost themselves. One of the main drawbacks has been the blades themselves, which have always contained some elements that cannot be recycled when they come to the end of their working lives. However, the world's largest blade manufacturer, Vestas, has announced that it will soon bring a fully recyclable blade on stream for its clients. The move will make wind-powered electricity even greener than it already is. 8. Vaccine breakthrough in the fight against malaria The world may have become accustomed to Covid vaccines in the recent past but one of the biggest human killers – malaria – remains untreatable by vaccines. However, a team of researchers at Oxford University – the same behind the Covid-19 vaccine being made by Astra-Zeneca – has come up with a treatment for malaria which it thinks is about 77 per cent effective. That's over twice as effective as Mosquirix, the only other approved preventative treatment for the disease. 9. Record for renewable energy set in UK The British Isles constitute a windy location which makes the UK an ideal place for both on-shore and off-shore generation. The first Monday in May, a bank holiday, saw the greatest amount of electricity ever being produced from renewable sources in the country. In fact, wind power alone accounted for a peak of 17.6 gigawatts at one point, which is about half the requirement for England, Scotland and Wales among households and industry, according to a report by Sky News. A wind farm in Lincolnshire, UK shutterstock/John-Kelly 10. 3-D printing technology may help save rare tropical trees It's been around for a while now, but 3-D printing is rarely considered as a technology that can save natural resources. However, a report in TCT magazine suggests otherwise. It states that a new printing technique has been developed whereby some natural hardwoods, such as teak, can be made in a totally sustainable fashion without the need to chop down rare or tropical trees. The system, known as Forust, replicates the grains of natural hardwoods such that they are supposedly indistinguishable from the real thing. • happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ develop with free online classes in our happiness Academy Biotechnology | Nature | Biology | Positive news Written by Ed Gould Ed Gould is a UK-based journalist and practitioner of Reiki.

Meditation teacher Ann Vrlak explains five skills that a regular meditation practice can bring to your daily life, encouraging a more peaceful and harmonious way of being. Why do people meditate… exactly? You have probably heard about some of the many benefits of meditation, such as stress reduction, emotional balance or improving your ability to concentrate. I had heard of them, too, when I was first learning meditation, but I also wanted to know how it would help me to manage day-to-day living: like arguments with my partner, financial worries or difficult emotions that seemed to be so hard to let go of. Honestly, I started out as one of those people who wanted to learn meditation to escape – to “transcend” troubling everyday situations. Meditation did provide that – for me and for many people I knew. The time on the meditation cushion was “time away” from my worries and anxiety, and an immersion in a peaceful space. It is wonderful, and therapeutic, to know that you can shift a bad mood or break a stressful train of thought. But, if meditation is only practised as “time away,” it can leave your day-to-day life and the causes of your unhappiness unchanged, and still able to disturb your peace of mind another day. 5 skills you'll learn through meditation So, in this article, I’d like to connect some of the dots for you, to describe five skills you can learn through meditation practice and how they can help you find more resilience and become happier. 1. The skill of equanimity Have you ever met someone who stays calm in the middle of a situation that is stressing out everyone else? They have something called equanimity. It means “evenness of mind, especially under stress.” For example, imagine these situations: your teenager tells you about pressure from their friends to do drugs. Or, your car breaks down on the highway. Or, you have a setback at work. If you were able to find some “evenness of mind, especially under stress,” would you handle these situations differently? Would you be more able to think and feel clearly, and respond in ways you feel proud of (instead of regretful)? Meditation develops the skill of equanimity Being anxious or angry or frustrated are all normal reactions in situations like these and meditation shows you, step by step, how to be skillfully present with them. It teaches you equanimity: the ability to observe and tolerate all kinds of thoughts and emotions, so you don’t react impulsively to them – hurting yourself or others. How equanimity is practised Here is one traditional way to practise equanimity: For five or ten minutes, sit quietly and notice as many of your thoughts and feelings as you can – whether they’re a small worry or a big stressor. Do your best to notice them and name what they are – “worry” or “sadness.” Try not to judge or analyze them or get caught up in stories about them. If you practise this simple exercise for a while, you’ll notice that thoughts and feelings come in all sizes and intensities. The idea is to treat them all the same way: noticing, naming and not judging. Learning some equanimity shows you that you can take a pause before reacting. You see your own unique patterns of thinking and feeling, like you tend to interpret a person’s silence as anger. And you begin to become an expert in yourself, to make your unconscious patterns more conscious and power up your ability to choose differently. 2. The skill of self-compassion A surprising thing about equanimity is that it leads to more self-compassion. Isn’t that interesting? When you’re a little less attached to your thoughts and feelings, you can see them more clearly. And that brings into focus, maybe for the first time, how they upset you, or disconnect you from others when that’s the opposite of what you really want. “Being anxious or angry or frustrated are all normal reactions and meditation shows you, step by step, how to be skillfully present with those feelings.” Self-compassion creates a safe and healing environment for your meditation. Would you want to look at difficult feelings and situations if you knew you were going to be criticized? Practising the skill of self-compassion shows you how to be a reliable friend to yourself, one that cares and helps you put things in perspective. Watch this very interesting short talk about “overcoming objections to self-compassion” by expert Kristen Neff – you may recognize some of your own! In my experience as a student and teacher of meditation, I’ve found self-compassion to be the single most difficult thing for people to understand and practice. And that is another cause for compassion, isn’t it? That so many of us find it hard or even unappealing to treat ourselves with kindness. If you commit to trying self-compassion practice for a period of time (in spite of all the objections your mind will throw at you!), you may be amazed at how much better you feel and how much more open you become to all of your experience and to other people, too. How self-compassion is practised You can add a few minutes of self-compassion into your day or into another meditation practice with these two simple steps: Like the equanimity practice, notice as much of your experience as you can, including physical sensations, like tension in your neck. Notice and name whatever you find, including negative self-talk or criticism about it, and move on to the next thing you sense. Then, care about what you notice. Respond with curiosity and kindness, either in an energetic way – by feeling curious and kind – or by saying caring phrases out loud or to yourself, such as: - “I hear you. That sounds hard, I’m sorry.” - “Tell me more about what that’s like.” - “Stay as long as you like. I’m here.” RELATED: How to practise self-compassion – 6 proven techniques Inner conflict and negative self-talk are exhausting. When you practise self-compassion, especially in the middle of a challenging moment, I guarantee you will learn things about yourself that have been just out of reach. You may feel a bit of opening and softness that comes from truly caring about yourself. And, no big surprise here, you will develop more empathy, becoming more understanding of other people’s perspective and pain, as well. 3. The skill of physical relaxation Physical relaxation is incredibly important. We have all developed habits of tensing certain parts of our bodies when we’re upset or stressed. And those physical patterns can then become part of a cycle of emotions, thoughts and physical tension that perpetuates anxiety and depression. Try deep, calming breaths to create relaxation shutterstock/shurkin_son When this kind of cycle is set in motion, you’re on automatic pilot. You have no “space” to intervene or make a new, positive choice. But, you can break into this cycle by physically relaxing in the moment. In the middle of a traffic jam, take a few deep, calming breaths. Worried about a presentation at work? Do the same. Physical relaxation exercises are powerful because they work on two fronts: They activate the calming processes and chemicals in your brain. They take your attention away from thoughts and feelings that make up your anxiety or depression cycle, onto the relaxation exercise. How to practise physical relaxation Thankfully, you can find many meditative relaxation practices online. Choose one or two that help you focus on body awareness or breath practice. Here is a great one from Tara Brach, and another powerful exercise. Also, you can try this simple soft belly breath. For a few minutes, feel the sensations of your breath in your belly, feeling the up and down motion. Centre your attention there, rather than higher up in your chest or throat. “Inner conflict and negative self-talk are exhausting. When you practise self-compassion, especially in the middle of a challenging moment, you will learn things about yourself that have been just out of reach.” As you breathe, equalize the four parts of your breath to a count of four: breathe in for a count of four, hold for four, exhale for four and hold for four. 4. The skill of skillfully being with thoughts and feelings This skill has been implied throughout this article, and it is the next step, once you have gained some equanimity, self-compassion and the ability to relax. With these skills, you can relate in increasingly positive and healthy ways with how you think and feel. This skill will be a huge boost in your ability to: Be self-aware. Recognize just how much some old ways of thinking and feeling are holding you back from connecting with yourself and with others. Choose new, empowered thoughts that will help you grow in ways you may have wanted to for a long time. It’s important to know: don’t simply tell yourself you “should” believe these thoughts. Try them and be curious, watching for changes in how you think and feel. Be with, understand and respond to your emotional life in healing ways. When it comes down to it, our emotions are like the air we breathe: they colour, not only how we feel, but what we see and what we do. Relate to people in conscious, healthy and connecting ways. How to practise skillfully being with thoughts and feelings skillfully All of the mini practices described so far will help you practice this skill! 5. The skill of cultivating silence Last, but definitely not least, is the skill of cultivating silence. If you practise some of the skills I’ve described, you will learn a lot about the “things” in your life: your work and career, emotions, relationships, beliefs. You will also develop the skill to recognize what is behind those things, so to speak, a sense of quiet knowing. Psychologists and scientists have a lot to say about how our plugged in, multitasking lifestyles are hard on our brains and our happiness. The ability to recognize and enjoy silence is becoming a dying art. Meditate on silence and peace shutterstock/UfaBizPhoto But all of us need to know how to turn off, to find a place of rest and rejuvenation. The beauty of meditation is it will show you how to find this place – any time and anywhere. Many traditional meditations see this cultivation of silence as a core skill, as the source of balance, intelligence and compassion each of us can draw on. RELATED: The power of silence You can take a minute, any time, to be with difficult thoughts and feelings in the middle of a conflict, and touch into silence. For a moment, nothing needs to be done, but rest in inner quiet and refresh yourself. And see what comes next. Conclusion Together, these five skills strengthen your ability to respond wisely to life situations, rather than reacting in habitual, impulsive ways. You create a pause where you can remember your intentions and your values, for your own well-being and the well-being of the people you care about. You create space for your best self to see things in big ways, and to act in big ways too. The life skills you can learn from a meditation practice have virtually no limits. The key is to keep one thing at the front of your mind: how does this practice, insight or understanding relate to the important things in my life, like my sense of self-worth, repeating negative thoughts and feelings, my achievements, my self-expression, my loved ones and my happiness? Keep connecting those dots and, over time, your meditation will become much more than something you do to reduce stress or relax. It will become a way to weave your deep strengths and joy into whatever you do. Main image: shutterstock/Pheelings media happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support in our happiness forum ■ self-develop with free online classes in our Academy Stress management | Burnout Written by Ann Vrlak Ann Vrlak is Founder of OneSelf Meditation and a meditation practitioner for over 25 years. She’s a Certified Meditation Teacher for adults and for children (the best job ever!). She loves to share how the perspective and practice of meditation can support people with their everyday stresses and on their journey of self-discovery.

Managing unpleasant symptoms and changing your lifestyle drastically – living with a chronic illness is challenging. But it needn't break you down. James Frew explains how mindfulness and meditation has given him the resilience to thrive while living with a long-term condition... All it took was a fall in the middle of a road to realize something was wrong. It was July 2013 and I'd just returned from a month-long overseas business trip. I was tired, unable to think properly, and was regularly physically sick after eating. But it wasn't until that moment on the road outside the office that I became convinced this wasn't just a severe case of jet lag. The following day, I visited the doctor and so started months of tests, false starts, and inconclusive assessments. It wasn't until January 2014 that I received an official diagnosis of Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS). All the while, I'd been away from work, barely able to leave the house, with my symptoms worsening. Although there was relief in the diagnosis – finally having a name for the ensemble of seemingly unrelated symptoms – it was much more the beginning than the end. Truthfully, it was the start of living with chronic illness and pain. Learning to live with Dysautonomia A lot of people would say that living with a chronic illness is quite an isolating experience. That's certainly how I felt, especially in the first few years of my condition. The symptoms of POTS, a form of dysautonomia or autonomic dysfunction, vary significantly between individuals and fluctuate on a daily and sometimes even hourly basis. For me, unpredictability was, and still is, one of the most demanding challenges to overcome. When in the middle of an extreme flare-up of symptoms, it's difficult to communicate to others how you're feeling, particularly when suffering from the cloudiness of brain fog. For many years, I couldn't work because of the debilitating cognitive effect this had on me. Some people say it feels like having cotton wool in your brain; you're aware there's something there, but it's hard to find clarity in it. James lives with the chronic condition POTS This isn't uncommon for POTS patients, either. According to Dr. Lesley Kavi, Visiting Professor at Birmingham City University and Trustee and Chair of the charity PoTS UK, the most debilitating symptom of POTS “varies very much from person to person depending on the set of symptoms they have. I read many comments that say the brain fog is the worst, but not everyone says this.” This is typical when discussing chronic illnesses. Like the common cold, some illnesses are short-lived and unpleasant; chronic illnesses, though, don't have a known end-point. Although there's no way to say for sure, I'll probably experience POTS symptoms for the foreseeable future. While some people find their condition naturally resolves, Dr. Kavi notes that many, “especially those with inherited conditions that cause [POTS], can have symptoms long-term.” Living with chronic illness Chronic illnesses are generally defined as long-term conditions with no cure. However, there's no one accepted definition of a chronic illness, so its hard to get an accurate measure of how many people suffer with a long-term condition. The US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) opts for the term chronic disease, and estimates that six in ten adults have a long-term condition which affects their daily lives. Often, the symptoms are wide-ranging, diverse and unpredictable. As a result, living with chronic illness can sometimes feel like a continual trial. For every positive moment, there are a handful of upsetting, distressing, or frustrating ones. Following the onset of my illness, I found it particularly hard to come to terms with how different my life now was. Even simple things like going out of the house require effort and preparation. “Often, the symptoms are wide-ranging, diverse and unpredictable. As a result, living with chronic illness can sometimes feel like a continual trial. For every positive moment, there are a handful of distressing or frustrating ones.” It's not helped that I tend not to look any different outwardly. The effects of POTS are primarily internal, like a sudden increased heart rate, low blood pressure and digestive issues. This type of condition is usually referred to as an invisible illness, a common trait of many chronic illnesses. As a previously well man in his early 20s when POTS first took hold, most people couldn't see the suffering I was going through. As a result, I was nervous about going out and anxious about how people may interact with me if I need to sit down on a busy bus or train or use an accessible toilet. Most days, I still feel this way. I know I tend to shy away from spontaneity, preferring low-key plans instead. But after so many years living with chronic illness, I've become used to accepting my difference. Meditation to calm anxious thoughts There wasn't an overnight transformation; I didn't wake up one morning comfortable in my skin and ready to take on the world. It was a gradual process over many years, continually chipping away at the biases and thought patterns from before. But I didn't do it alone, either. After reading about a meditation app online, I ignored my misplaced skepticism about the practice and gave it a go. RELATED: Do mindfulness apps work? In the years since, I've spent at least ten minutes a day training my mind to be comfortable with feelings and learning that I am not my thoughts and I'm not defined by my condition. Where I used to spend long periods worrying about what people may think, I've come to accept that these are the musings of an anxious mind concerned about a future that may never happen. This regular practice has also helped me feel connected to others, even while physically alone. James' 'Be more kind' tattoo Although you might never meet them in person, the internet offers a way to connect with other people living with chronic illness around the world. I've spent many hours in the /r/POTS subreddit chatting, learning, and supporting the newly-diagnosed. In fact, the benefits of this type of interaction were confirmed by a 2016 study published in Qualitative Health Research, which found that online communities strengthened relationships, exchanged knowledge, and raised awareness about specific illnesses. Finding ways to manage chronic pain My meditation practice meant that I could focus on the present moment, rather than the future or the past. But is also helped manage the chronic pain caused by POTS in combination with Ehlers Danlos Syndrome (EDS), a connective tissue disorder. The pain still exists, of course, but it is my reaction to it that has changed. Chronic pain is a highly challenging condition to live with. My personal experience hasn't been overwhelming, but an underlying current of long-term pain. RELATED: 9 science-backed benefits of meditation However, it can be extremely debilitating for many people suffering from it. As the mechanisms behind this agony aren't yet understood, treatments are variable, and some find them ineffective. Still, there's growing evidence, like the meta-study published in the Annals of Behavioral Medicine in 2016, that a regular meditation practice can help make living with chronic illness and long-term pain more manageable. Coping with mental health and chronic illness Meditation is just one technique I've come across to ease the difficulty of living with chronic illness. As Dr. Kavi points out, "it can be a challenge to cope with the fluctuations; some people don't need help with [their] mental health, some gain benefit from psychological therapies including CBT [or] mindfulness, and some have medication." Although mindfulness has been the most successful for me, it didn't happen in isolation. Not long after my diagnosis, I was prescribed SSRI-based anti-depressants to help manage my mental health. Alongside this, I took a Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) course and followed that up with counseling. “There's growing evidence that a regular meditation practice can help make living with chronic illness and long-term pain more manageable.” Everyone's experience is different, but the key to living with chronic illness is to do what's right for you. These therapies and techniques were effective for me, but they might not be for everyone. You may find it's worth exploring your options with a healthcare professional. Working around your condition In an alternative world, we might be able to spend our days living with chronic illness, managing experiences at our own pace. But in many cases, there's still a financial imperative to work. Alongside this, after a few years of relative monotony, I wanted to have something practical to achieve. But, given the unpredictable, long-term nature of chronic illness, most don't feel able to return to full-time employment in an office or workplace away from home. There are alternatives to explore, though, even if they are less conventional. James is proof you can thrive with a chronic illness Some people turn their hobbies into a part-time business, allowing them to bolster their finances without the pressure of working all the time. This was the approach that led to my return to work. Writing started as a hobby before becoming part-time job, and then, years later, a career. But that's far from the only way to earn while living with chronic illness. If you do feel comfortable returning to an office, it's worth finding an understanding employer to accommodate the adjustments you need. The important thing is to do what you feel comfortable with, and at your own pace. Over the years, my illness has given me a chance to connect with my body in a way I'd never imagined. While the struggle is real, I've come to accept that this is who I am now, and in many ways, I'm better for it. After almost a decade, living with chronic illness is still a work in progress. My experience evolves each day, but so do I. For every setback, I have an opportunity to learn from it. For each day spent recovering from the onset of symptoms, I find comfort knowing that tomorrow may be different. happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ develop with free online classes in our happiness Academy Resilience | Acceptance | Courage Written by James Frew James is a freelance writer based in the UK with a focus on consumer technology, mental health, well-being, and sustainability. When not writing, he's usually listening to podcasts, enjoying music, or going for a walk. You can find all his work on Campsite.bio and follow him on Twitter.

Getting the brush-off is often painful. Indeed, accepting and recovering from being turned down can be hard. So, from building up self-confidence to remaining open, Ed Gould offers up three key techniques on how to deal with rejection. How can you deal with rejection when it hurts so much? After being kicked in the teeth, many of us choose to avoid situations that might force us into dealing with the pain and upset being rejected can cause. But is this actually the most constructive way of going about our daily lives? No. Rejection is undoubtedly bound up with negativity and feelings of discord. Now, it's easy to understand why being turned down is frequently viewed in this light, but is that all that rejection means to us? Rejection of something that is itself negative can be a positive thing, right? Furthermore, the proverb 'every cloud has a silver lining' suggests that facing rejection – even when you do not want to – can actually mean new opportunities await on the horizon. It's also important to remember that feeling hurt and dealing with rejection is something that will happen during our lives whether we like it or not. Indeed, understanding this is the first step in learning how to cope with it. So, what do psychologists and other experts in feelings of happiness and well-being have to say on the subject of mastering rejection? Why rejection hurts so much Some people seem to have such thick skin that they think they can deal with rejection like it's water off a duck's back. Think of the jobbing actor who puts their heart and soul into audition after audition only to hear later that they didn't get the part. Do such people simply not feel a sense of hurt when they don't get the role? Of course not. Everybody hurts: we all have to deal with rejection However, they might have developed better coping strategies so they know how to deal with rejection when it comes around. The fact is that the rejection we might feel from being turned down is perfectly natural. It's in no sense 'abnormal' to feel upset about being rejected. So, why does it happen? According to behavioural psychologists from the University of Michigan, rejection can impact on our neural networks in ways that our brains associate with physical pain. In a 2010 study into somatosensory representations, researchers viewed volunteers' brain activity when stimulated with feelings of rejection by using an MRI scanner. “Dealing with rejection is something that will happen whether we like it or not. Understanding this is the first step in learning how to cope with it.” In this particular research programme, the people under observation had suffered from a relationship breakdown. To provoke a response, an image of their former partner appeared before them. What the MRI scan revealed is that the secondary somatosensory cortex and dorsal posterior insula became active. These are the sections of the brain known to associate with feelings of pain. So, if you think that mental anguish caused by rejection and dealing with hurt is all in your mind, then you may need to reassess your position. It seems that scientists can induce pain in their volunteers merely by reminding them of rejection. What's more, this evidence holds true in almost 90 per cent of cases. RELATED: What to do after a break-up – 10 tips for recovery In another study, psychologists asked patients to recall a time when they had suffered from social exclusion. One group of patients took the painkiller Tylenol, the other group took a sugar pill. As a result, those who had received the real drug reported having lower levels of mental anguish from remembering their rejection in comparison with those who had not taken the painkiller. It's possible to conclude, therefore, that the drug – developed initially to help deal with physical pain – was having an effect on how the brain coped with non-physical pain. In other words, rejection does not simply impact on our happiness: it creates physical levels of pain and a simple painkiller, used in moderation, can act as emotional first aid. How to deal with rejection: 3 tips As mentioned, medicinal drugs are one way of helping your brain to feel less pain from dealing with hurt sustained from the rejection of social exclusion. However, this is something of a 'sticking plaster' approach, and there are plenty of other ways to achieve mastery of feelings of repudiation. So, what should you be putting into your emotional first-aid kit? Here are three keys ways you can learn how to deal with rejection. 1. Augment your social network Rejection can sometimes lead to you wanting to shut yourself away. This 'licking the wounds' phase is perfectly normal at first, but try to avoid it if possible. It's better to surround yourself with people that you like and trust – friendship can help you to heal. If you have experienced rejection at work, then socialise with friends away from that environment. People who see you in another light will be able to help rebalance your view of yourself. Deal with rejection by socialising shutterstock/Monkey Business Images Or, if you've suffered from a relationship breakdown, then it's a good plan to meet with pals that know you from a time before you got together with your partner. These friends are likely to be less weighed down by the 'emotional baggage' of your split. Making new friends can also be one of the best things you can do to set you on the road to emotional recovery: join a club or group and try something new. RELATED: Understanding the power of friends 2. Build up your self-confidence Reaffirmation of your sense of self-worth is key to overcoming the despondency that can follow rejection. A flood of happiness may not be a realistic expectation at first when you're feeling down. But by doing things to build your self-confidence, this will help you to avoid remaining in that state for too long. You can achieve this by showing compassion to yourself. Indeed, recent studies have demonstrated that self-compassion leads to feelings of improvement and often brings new motivation with it. Be kind to yourself. Draw away from feelings of negativity about yourself. Just because you're dealing with rejection doesn't make you a failure. Far from it! You're learning how to cope with life's knock-backs – just like the actor who works out what to try differently at their next audition. In fact, it's most likely they were doing great; the director was just looking for someone else for the role. Above all, avoid self-criticism because it's usually unwarranted. 3. Remain open and try again It may seem easier said than done when you're first suffering the trauma of rejection. But staying open to the possibility of future success is a key element to have in your emotional first-aid kit. This shift is important because if you spend too much time shut off from the idea of trying again – thereby avoiding the possibility of rejection – you can become bitter. “Reaffirmation of your sense of self-worth is key to overcoming the despondency that can follow rejection.” The German psychiatrist Michael Linden first referred to this phenomenon as post-traumatic embitterment disorder or PTED. He noted that embitterment often leads to feelings of anger. When you face rejection, bear in mind that you probably had little control over why it happened. Try to let go of the feelings of low self-worth you might want to linger on. It doesn't mean that you don't care. Acceptance of the situation is often healthier. Handling hurt: emotional first-aid kits Dealing with rejection and hurt is much more preferable than dwelling on it. It's worth noting that PTED, similar to post-traumatic stress disorder, can lead to negative psychological reactions in the long term. If we don't support ourselves and one another with shared feelings of pain that come about following rejection, then it's reasonable to argue that our society as a whole will suffer. After all, if everyone is carrying around the pain they feel from all these rejections, rather than dealing with the hurt, then few of us would ever take a risk again – and where would that leave us? In the modern world, the imperative for emotional first aid is, if anything, more important than ever before. In the era of social media, feeling rejected can be in-your-face and operate on a 24-hour basis. Some people may only feel slightly rejected if they don't get a job or because their partner leaves them. For others, similar experiences and emotional situations have a more dramatic effect. For example, having their social media posts ignored. In the digital age, rejection can sometimes be quantified in alarming ways, like the number of 'thumbs up' that a post receives. If you count such things regularly, then perhaps it's time to look into making your own emotional repair kit for how to deal with rejection. ● Main image: shutterstock/fizkes happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ sharing and supporting others in our happiness forum ■ developing with free online classes in our Academy Confidence | Letting go | Trauma Written by Ed Gould Ed Gould is a UK-based journalist and freelance writer. He's also a practitioner of Reiki.

If you're struggling to move forward and transform your life as you hope, these 11 practical life coaching tools and techniques from holistic life coach Rebecca Kirk can help. Incorporate these methods into your daily life to gain perspective and work more clearly towards your goals. Life coaching is about creating a transformation which brings life back into balance. Life coaches use a set of tools and techniques to pinpoint their client’s goals and to empower them to achieve those goals by providing direction, support and challenge. Life coaches work on the basis that the client has the answers within themselves. Whilst there is a huge benefit in working directly with a life coach to enable you to make a transformation, there are also many life coaching tools and techniques which you can use yourself, without guidance. By incorporating some of these methods into your daily life, you'll be taking significant steps towards achieving your dreams and desires. Life coaching techniques explored Here are 11 life coaching techniques and tools which I incorporate into my life coaching practice and recommend for you to try. 1. SMART goal setting Goal setting is a fundamental life coaching tool. As the well-known saying goes, “If you don’t know exactly where you’re going, how will you know when you get there?” Setting goals forces you to get really clear on what it is you want. And with clarity comes magic. A SMART goal is specific, measurable, achievable, relevant and time-bound. Without those aspects, goals can be too lofty to be meaningful and they can easily drift into the future. SMART is the only acronym I have happily taken with me from my days in the corporate world – it just works! 2. Visualization Our minds are powerful beyond belief. Instead of focusing them on the things you don’t want, start to use your mind to imagine what you do want. This will help lift you out of your current reality. A really powerful life coaching technique is visualization. There are many scientific studies – such as this University of Chicago one from 1996 – which prove visualization is an effective strategy, especially within the sporting arena. RELATED: Visualization meditation – how to practise it Think of yourself in a particular situation and imagine exactly the outcome you desire. For example, if you’re feeling some anxiety about giving a work presentation, imagine how you will feel before, during and after and taking positive feedback from your audience. Keep visualizing this until the day you actually have to give the presentation. Alternatively, you can also get creative by making a vision board which brings your goals to life and serves as a daily reminder of the transformation you want to make. Visualizing success can put you on the path to achieving it shutterstock/Triff 3. Taking a helicopter view It can be easy to get lost in the details of your current reality. This can also keep you stuck and create a low vibration. A really simple but effective life coaching technique is to imagine that you’re up high in a helicopter, looking down on your life. From this vantage point, very often it can help you see the bigger picture of why things might be challenging for you at the moment and how it could serve as a catalyst or a stepping stone towards a positive transformation. 4. Creating headspace The clarity that people seek to enable them to make a transformation is rarely found in a cluttered, over-busy mind. For clarity to emerge, your head needs space. As a holistic life coach, this method forms the basis for much of my approach. Space can be created in a number of ways, such as meditation, mindfulness or simply going for a walk in nature. I often recommend to clients that they give themselves permission to take a week off from thinking about or working towards their goal. Although it may seem counter-intuitive, it’s amazing what messages can come through! 5. Connecting with your intuition This is a big one. Very often, we look for answers outside of ourselves. We look for validation of our ideas, we look for others’ approval before making a change, and we look for total reassurance that we are making the right decision. This is one of the biggest causes of inertia. “A really powerful life coaching technique is visualization. There are many scientific studies which prove visualization as an effective strategy.” However, you have constant access to a ‘superpower’ to help you – your intuition (that inner knowing, that gentle nudge, that gut feeling). Encouraging clients to be guided by their heart first and then letting their head kick in is a life coaching technique I use with every client. As the Einstein quote says, “The intuitive mind is a faithful gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honours the servant and has forgotten the gift”. Try connecting more with your intuitive mind first. 6. Journaling This life coaching tool is something I encourage with all my clients. Journaling is a way of emptying the mind of unhelpful or destructive thoughts. It’s a way of making sense of them so that they can be released to make room for more positive, empowering thoughts. It also gives you an outlet to explore any new ideas so they can start taking root. RELATED: Future self journaling Journaling can be done at a set time each day, perhaps for five or ten minutes before bed or first thing in the morning. Alternatively, keep the journal with you at all times and use it to capture thoughts, feelings and ideas as and when they arise. I recommend that you write freely, from the heart, and with no judgement about what comes out. Journaling is what I refer to as the closest thing to a therapist – in paper form! Journaling gets new ideas onto paper and out of your head 7. Shushing the ‘shoulds’ This one is not so much a life coaching tool as it is a mantra for living a more authentic life. When I was on a career break in Australia back in 2010, a yoga teacher shared this expression with me and it stuck. So often, we make choices based on what we feel we ‘should’ be doing, saying, thinking or feeling – according to our family, friends, employers or society at large. The next time the word ‘should’ comes into your head or out of your mouth, I recommend a little alarm bell ringing to remind you to check in with yourself. Is there a more authentic, aligned choice you could make? 8. Gratitude When we focus on what we already have, we attract more of it. Gratitude is another simple life coaching tool which brings profound results. Nothing shifts your vibration quicker than the practice of gratitude. It can be done anytime and anywhere. And there is always something we can be grateful for, even if we want to change a situation. Very often, clients express to me how much they hate their job or employer. I recently asked a client what she might be grateful for about the job she was desperate to escape from. After the initial shock at my question had worn off, she cited earning money (enabling her to travel) and enjoying banter with colleagues. Your current challenge itself is something you could potentially show gratitude for, especially if you are able to view it as a catalyst for change. 9. Affirmations Affirmations are positive statements you repeat to yourself which enable you to overcome limiting beliefs and self-sabotaging patterns. You are using affirmations all the time whether you realise it or not, with the things you say to yourself, often at a subconscious level. “When we focus on what we already have, we attract more of it. Gratitude is another simple life coaching tool which brings profound results.” This practice is about consciously choosing the things you say to yourself in support of the changes you wish to create. For example, if you had a limiting belief that you should always put everyone else’s needs ahead of your own, you can turn that around into an affirmation which states, “I give myself permission to tend to my own needs”. RELATED: How to stop self-sabotage – 5 techniques to try 10. Calling on your inner mentor When clients are feeling stuck or lacking confidence, often they have a loud inner critic. If you also identify with that critical, negative voice in your head, the life coaching technique I recommend here is to access your inner mentor. Just imagine yourself in 30 years time and that you are looking at your current self from that new vantage point. What messages would you give your current self? Realise that this is not your older self but actually the wiser part of your current self – your inner mentor. Access your inner mentor whenever you doubt yourself or your inner critic is getting loud! 11. Anchoring This final life coaching tool comes from NLP and gives you a quick way to generate a more positive association with a particular topic or goal through the use of an external trigger. For instance, I had one client who was feeling very low and joyless and had lost his spark. I suggested he dug out an old photo of the last time he felt joyful and at peace. He found a photo of himself at the 2018 Winter Olympics and it reignited a feeling of passion and the possibility of reconnecting with his true self. What photo or object has a particularly positive association which could serve as an anchor for you? Takeaway: life coaching tools So, there we have it, a selection of life coaching tools and techniques which are easy to access, simple to use and bring about powerful results. Have a go at using one of them over the next seven days, beginning with the one you feel most drawn to and see what changes for you. • Main image: shutterstock/Rawpixel.com happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ sharing and supporting others in our happiness forum ■ developing with free online classes in our Academy Authenticity | Letting go | Motivation Written by Rebecca Kirk Rebecca Kirk is a holistic life and career coach. She helps people who are feeling stuck, out of balance or unfulfilled discover the clarity and belief to choose a path which brings them greater purpose, well-being and joy. She uses an approach which encompasses body, mind and spirit to create a deeper and more lasting transformation.

There have been plenty of feel-good health and environmental stories in the press during April. Ed Gould rounds up his Top Ten from the past month to uplift and inspire. April started to feel as though spring had truly arrived in many parts of the world. Despite the many problems the global population faces, this April was full of optimistic stories and tales of human endeavour. What were some of the best news items that didn't necessarily get the attention they deserved? 1. Gardening reduces stress levels, according to a new study According to a report by Sky News, gardening even just once or twice a week reduces feelings of anxiety and stress. The Royal Horticultural Society (RHS) commissioned a survey to find out how much gardening was found to relax people. As most gardeners know already, it can be an absorbing hobby and relieve stress. However, the survey discovered that the impact is more dramatic than many had previously thought. In fact, the findings from the RHS suggest that gardening is just a good a stress buster as running or cycling vigorously. RELATED: The 7 mental health benefits of gardening 2. Reefs to be better protected thanks to ecologically sound sunscreen One of the principal ingredients in sunscreens is zinc oxide. This compound is harmless to skin and also offers a high level of protection against the sun's powerful rays. However, it is often derived from natural sources found within coastal reefs. Thankfully, research at Imperial College London and Sheffield University has been ongoing to synthesize the production of zinc oxide. In April, these universities jointly announced they had developed a new technique which means this is now possible, helping to safeguard delicate marine environments for years to come. 3. Peer anxiety drops away in middle age, study finds A British survey of some 2,000 people found that people are much less anxious about what others think of them, on average, when they reach the age of 46. The study results were reported in the Independent and demonstrated that British people were able to stop being so concerned about how others perceived them by this age, suggesting that they were more content in themselves. In fact, 72 per cent of the people who responded to the survey reported that they were unapologetically themselves in their mid-40s without being held back by feeling they needed to conform so much. Brits are more self-assured in their 40s shutterstock/Olena Yakobchuk 4. Microplastic trap could help to clean up waterways Rivers, lakes and oceans all suffer when plastics are dumped in them. As well as taking a long time to break down, plastic products often release tiny particles as they do so. In turn, these are often ingested by marine life and therefore enter the food chain. New Atlas reported in April that a team at Hong Kong Polytechnic University had shown that a common bacterium can be used in a biofilm to capture these microplastics. It's hoped that the trapped material can be recycled – just like conventional plastic. 5. Traumatic memories can be weakened by new therapeutic model Science Daily reported in April that research in Texas was helping patients to overcome their most traumatic memories in a new way. The idea, as published in the academic journal Nature Neuroscience, is to reactivate hurtful or problematic memories so that therapists can either reframe them or help them to disappear completely. The approach helps to eradicate deep-seated fears which can already be treated at the moment but which often bubble up back to the surface over time. It's hoped that the method will create a more effective treatment pathway for those living with conditions such as post-traumatic stress disorder. 6. New rainforest natural reserve formed in Belize A 230,000-acre rainforest site in the central American country of Belize has been turned into a natural reserve thanks to a coalition of international organisations and local groups. It's hoped that the privately managed area of rainforest will serve to protect unknown numbers of species including the area's top predator – the jaguar. The Rio Bravo Conservation Management Area is part of a rainforest that stretches into Mexico and Guatemala, as well as covering much of Belize. The main aim of the project is to protect the area from deforestation, according to Science Times. A toucan in a Belize rainforest shutterstock/Ondrej Prosicky 7. Mindfulness interventions among students reduce stress, trial finds According to PsyPost, even relatively short mindfulness interventions among students will be of benefit to them in coping with psychological stresses. A trial among undergraduates found that brief periods of meditation were useful for all types of students. The trial focussed on Brazilian students and was published in the BMC Psychology journal. The study centred on students with no prior experience in mindfulness or meditation and studied their responses to 30-minute guided mindful meditations over a short, three-day period. RELATED: Mindfulness vs meditation – what's the difference 8. Healthy guts improve wisdom and fend off loneliness Gut health has long been known to have a physiological effect on people, perhaps impacting positively on their immune system. However, an interesting new study conducted by scientists at the University of San Diego has discovered that people with good gut health – a diverse amount of healthy bacteria in their digestive tracts – will often feel they are wiser, something that tends to present as feeling more satisfied in their life. Conversely, people who have poor gut health will often feel more socially isolated. It's thought that microbial diversity in the gut can have a profound effect on people's brain physiology. RELATED: How to heal your gut – 11 ideas to restore belly health 9. Chile to begin exporting green energy Although many countries have greener electrical production today than ever before, some – like Chile – are going even further. While major economies tend to have a mix of fossil fuel and renewable energy, Chile is already highly advanced with solar-powered technology, largely thanks to the amount of clear sunlight the country receives. According to the Financial Times, this has led the nation's energy companies to start thinking about how it might export its green energy to neighbours. Chile hit its 2025 target for renewable energy production five years early in 2020, and is still investing heavily in solar power, showing what can be achieved in a relatively short period of time. Thousands of solar panels in Chile's Atacama Desert shutterstock/abriendomundo 10. HIV vaccine is on the horizon The world has become accustomed to virology and vaccine efficacy in recent months but for decades there has been no vaccine available for HIV. However, the latest research is showing promising signs that a vaccine for HIV may soon become a reality. The International AIDS Vaccine Initiative and the Scripps Research Institute in California have been working on one, according to ABC News. At the clinical trial stage, the vaccine is showing all the signs of success – early findings indicating that it could be successful in as many as 97 per cent of cases. The trial is ongoing but researchers are hopeful that a breakthrough may occur when their final data is published for review. • happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ develop with free online classes in our happiness Academy Biotechnology | Nature | Biology | Positive news Written by Ed Gould Ed Gould is a UK-based journalist and practitioner of Reiki.

Communicating better can help you achieve your goals and deepen your relationships. By JULIEN C. MIRIVEL on behalf of Greater Good Science Center. When I was 15 years old, I enrolled in a program to study English in what seemed like the middle of nowhere, also known as Iowa. Having grown up in France and Switzerland, I spoke zero English. In Iowa, I couldn’t understand what people were telling me, and I couldn’t express myself. I couldn’t connect with people, I couldn’t create interactions, I couldn’t build friendships. I faced some of the most difficult months of my life because I was in some ways mute, and in some ways deaf. But that experience taught me the most beautiful aspect of human communication. As I learned to speak, as I learned to listen, as I learned to connect, I was able to create a social network around me. It was human communication that set me free. RELATED: Mindful listening – six ways to improve conversational skills Fast forward to today, and I have spent my whole career researching and sharing what I know about effective ethical communication. Some questions that have animated my work include: what communication behaviors exemplify our best potential as humans? What are some small actions that will help us interact more effectively? What communication behaviors have a butterfly effect? Based on my research, I’ll share six concrete behaviors that you can enact in your life today to improve your communication. At work or at home, these tips can help you start to inspire and influence the people around you. They can help you grow and change yourself, allowing you to deepen your relationships and create a better social world around you. 1. Greet to create human contact In most people’s minds, communication is a mode of transmission: you have an idea to send out, and once the message is sent, you have accomplished the goal of communication. But communication is more than transmission; it’s also creation. It creates experiences and builds relationships. If we take away communication, we take away relationship. In fact, I would propose that when you communicate, you are doing the work of relationship. You are relating. The work of communication often starts with greeting, which is a simple but significant behavior: the moment when you initiate the process of making contact. One of the most disrespectful things a doctor can do when they meet with a patient is not greet them. When educators greet their students, it actually affects learning. And the best managers and leaders create opportunities for connection: they check on their employees and ask how they’re doing. They’re constantly in the process of building relationships. Positive communication is creative shutterstock/fizkes As part of the New Zealand Language at Work project, researchers studied over 500 emails from two organizations: one company that was experiencing a lot of conflict, low morale, and turnover, and another with a very positive culture. After looking closely, the researchers noticed something striking: In the organization where people did not get along, the emails sounded like this: The meeting is at 3:00 p.m. That’s it. But in the company where people were getting along, the emails sounded more like this: Hi everybody, Hope you are doing well. Looking forward to seeing you at our meeting on Friday at 3:00 p.m. Have a great week. Warmly, John The content is the same, but the little details that we add help us manage our connections with other people. Communication oils the social wheels; it is not just a mode of transmission. To put this into practice, try initiating contact with three people that you do not know very well, but who are stakeholders in your organization; they can be anybody in the organizational hierarchy. Greet them. Ask them how they’re doing; set up a Zoom call or a lunch; take a little bit of time to connect with them. If you practice this, then you’d be able to create deeper connections with people around you and expand your network of influence. 2. Ask to discover the unknown When we ask questions, we are going on a quest. We are putting ourselves in a position to discover more, to learn from a position of humility and curiosity. On a basic level, we can distinguish between closed-ended questions and open-ended questions. Closed-ended questions — “Do you like blue or yellow?” — tend to narrow and control human interaction. Open-ended questions, on the other hand, tend to expand and give people freedom to decide what to share and what not to share — like “Tell me about some of your favorite experiences in your life” or “What conversations have impacted you?” One way of improving your communication is to learn to flip your questions from closed-ended to open-ended. On annual reviews, for example, it’s very tempting to say, “Did you have a good year?” But what if we flip the script and ask, “What can we do to help you reach your potential? What can we do this year to serve you and help you grow?” I learned this from an organization called Performance Group Management in Little Rock, Arkansas. With those questions, not only was the organization able to retain their employees, but they were able to find ways of helping them grow internally and build what has been widely celebrated as a very positive culture. As another example, I do some research with Heifer International, which is trying to help create personal transformation in individuals around the world and help them end poverty in their own communities. Instead of asking, “Do you need help?,” they begin the process of change by asking people, “What are your dreams? What are your hopes?” 3. Compliment to affect people’s sense of self The single most important truth in the field of human communication is that what we say, what we do, affects people. It affects who they are, in the moment, and it affects who they become. I think a lot about this as the father of three young children. Complimenting is just one behavior among many that illustrates our capacity for affecting people in a positive way. Sometimes, when I do trainings, leaders ask me how many compliments they should give to get their staff to do what they want. But compliments should not be used in a robotic way. Instead, I am advocating for a way of being. Complimenting is the choice to affect who people are and who they become, their sense of self. In fact, research suggests that we underestimate how good compliments make people feel. “What we say, what we do, affects people. It affects who they are, in the moment, and it affects who they become.” What is the best compliment that you have ever received? What has someone said to you that has positively impacted you? In my research, we have found that often those moments come from leaders, managers, supervisors or teachers. When people we look up to say something about us that resonates, we take it in; we integrate it. To put this into practice and make your own mark, you can think of three people that you really value around you, and deliver a meaningful compliment to them about their strengths. Or you can send an email to your team and say, “I want to celebrate the work that you’ve done, the strength that you’ve shown, especially as we respond to a global pandemic.” Communicating positively is about being intentional. As a leader, a parent, a partner, or a friend, we can all choose to use our words to do a little good. 4. Disclose to deepen relationships The second important truth about communication is that the connection and closeness we feel with others is not a state that we can hold on to; it’s something we do. And the way we go about enacting this sense of love and collegiality is by the act of disclosure: revealing how we think, how we feel, and who we are in an authentic way. Not all disclosure has the same function, but it does have some common elements. First, the disclosure needs to be authentic. It has to reflect this congruency between what you feel on the inside, and what’s happening on the outside. It has to be communication that’s truthful, honest, and personal, that reflects what you think and what you value. It has to have integrity, and, more importantly, it has to be human. The more your experience can reflect our common humanity, the more it’s likely to resonate with other people when it’s spoken. Disclosure deepens relationships shutterstock/loreanto Research by Robert Ulmer, who is an expert in crisis communication at the University of Nevada, Las Vegas, suggests that when leaders practice open and honest disclosure, they’re able to respond much more effectively to crises. In one case he studied, Malden Mills CEO Aaron Feuerstein immediately responded to a fire affecting several manufacturing buildings by communicating openly and publicly with his stakeholders: “We’re going to continue to operate in Lawrence... We had the opportunity to run to the south many years ago. We didn’t do it then and we’re not going to do it now.” Being open and honest shows that we care about our stakeholders and want to learn from the crisis. To put this into practice, think of somebody that you can text right now to share that you’re grateful for them. Be open and be honest with them. You can just say, “I’m thinking of you, and I just wanted you to know that I’m grateful to have you in my life.” Pay attention to the feelings and thoughts going on inside of you — should I do it, should I not do it, how are they going to respond? Despite all that, in this moment you can choose to express your gratitude. That’s disclosure. 5. Encourage to give support Human communication, I would argue, is just as tangible a way of giving as giving money. We use communication to give love. We use communication to give affection. And when we choose to encourage others, we are using communication to give people the social support they need to develop and succeed. I believe that we can transform any ordinary moment into an extraordinary one by what we say and share with other people, no matter what our role is. “Human communication, I would argue, is just as tangible a way of giving as giving money. We use communication to give love.” Here’s an example from my own career. For many years, whenever my students struggled, I would always say, “Hey, why don’t you just ride the wave a little?” Then, during one incredibly hard year of work, I got to my office and found an email from my wife. Inside was the message, “Ride the wave, baby,” with a Photoshopped picture of me on a real surfer. I remember that moment to this day. That is the power of encouragement. What we say and do can make an impact not only in that moment, but as a source of support for years to come. 6. Listen to transcend differences Learning how to become a better listener is not a small feat, but experts agree that it’s a common trait of good leaders. If you can choose to listen deeply, you can transcend the perceived differences that exist between you and other people. You can learn to listen more deeply by maintaining a high degree of openness to other people’s perspectives and viewpoints. It also requires withholding judgment of people and their actions. Psychologist Carl Rogers called this “unconditional positive regard”: a way of looking at people with warmth, without any conditions. In order to listen deeply, you have to cultivate deep empathy, the ability to look at other people’s perspectives not to see whether they’re right or wrong, but to understand their vantage point. Finally, you have to learn how to give somebody your full attention. Physically leaning in with your body will start the process of deeper listening. If you get really frustrated, take your hand, put it underneath the table, and open it slightly — a physical gesture of openness. Listening can be uncomfortable, but there is a lot to learn if we quiet everything going on inside of us and turn our attention to other people. I believe that if you practice positive communication, it’s going to help you grow as a professional and as a person, create high-quality relationships at work and at home, and lead more effectively. When you take these small actions, you’re beginning a butterfly effect. You’re starting to change the script on your interactions, which affects the relationships that you care about, the groups you work in, and the communities you belong to. And if we do this together, we will co-create a better society for ourselves and our children. • This essay is based on a talk that is part of the Positive Links Speaker Series by the University of Michigan’s Center for Positive Organizations. The Center is dedicated to building a better world by pioneering the science of thriving organizations. happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practice, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ learn with free online classes in our happiness Academy Communication skills | Non-violent communication Written by Greater Good Science Center This article originally appeared on Greater Good, the online magazine of the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley. happiness.com is honoured to republish them with the kind permission of the Greater Good Science Center. greatergood.berkeley.edu