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While thinking about past actions can sometimes help you move forward in life, thinking too much can have the opposite effect and lead to depression and anxiety. Dee Marques shares nine steps to take that will show you how to stop overthinking and enjoy your life in the present. As humans, we have the extraordinary ability to constantly reflect on our actions. There’s much to be learned from our decisions, so it can be useful to go over past situations to find the lesson in them. And when it comes to the future, anticipating what’s to come and making plans can also be useful. Doing this can help us grow and be more successful, but it’s also easy to end up overdoing this type of analysis. In fact, overthinking can have precisely the opposite effect, leading to constant worry and a feeling of being stuck or unproductive. If this is the case then you'll need some ideas on how to stop overthinking everything. Overthinking can become a self-destructive behaviour with negative effects on our mental health. Overthinking can become chronic and is the kind of toxic habit that may end up leading to other problems, such as anxiety and depression. • JOIN US! Need support? Sign-up and belong to a community that cares • Because having control over our thought patterns is critical to our well-being, it's important to learn how to avoid the overthinking trap. In this article you'll find a list of practical suggestions on how to stop overthinking and making your overall thought processes more positive. What is overthinking? If we’re to learn how to stop overthinking, learning to identify that we are doing it is essential. As I've outlined above, overthinking usually has two aspects: one is rumination (going over past events) and the other one entails worrying about the future and dwelling on worst possible scenarios. RELATED: Remember – you are not your thoughts In both cases, we almost always focus on the negative aspects of an experience, and also on those aspects that cannot be changed. Common scenarios for people who tend to overthink include worrying about falling ill, losing their job, or not knowing what they want to do with their life. Going over the past and “should have” scenarios are also typical, for example, “I should have said that”, or “I should have done this”. These are common thoughts when reflecting on a relationship that may have ended, a job you may have quit, or the way you handled a friendship that ended badly. Pause for thought: overthinking can lead to anxiety Overthinking is related to anxiety because the focus is often on things we can’t change (such as what has already happened or unknowns in the future). This thought pattern can easily create feelings of powerlessness, which, in turn, generate high anxiety levels. Indeed, overthinking is characterised by a snowball effect that leaves us feeling overwhelmed, helpless and distressed. And as it happens with other harmful thought patterns, it can take over our life, interfere with everyday functioning, and make us lose control over our thoughts. Other dangers of overthinking include mental health issues, increased chances of developing depression, and impaired problem-solving abilities. This happens because overthinkers are under the false belief that they’re working on a problem, when in fact, overthinking actually keeps them from solving the problem. Later, overthinkers realise they can’t find a solution and this creates even more anxiety. “Because having control over our thought patterns is critical to our well-being, it's important to learn how to stop overthinking.” Overthinking is also linked to sleep issues, as people who struggle to stop thinking fail to switch off and can't sleep because of intrusive thoughts. Furthermore, lack of sleep is also connected to depressive symptoms and poor concentration during the day. And there are physical symptoms too, like headaches, muscle aches, digestive issues and fatigue. Moreover, overthinking has even been linked to binge eating or drinking and self-harm. RELATED: 14 sleep hacks to get a good night's rest Despite the dangers of thinking too much, the number of people affected is substantial enough to take it seriously for us to really learn some techniques on how to stop overthinking. One US study called it a national epidemic, and bestseller books have been written about the subject, suggesting women are more prone to overthink. The female to male ratio of overthinkers is 57-43 per cent, and those aged between 25 and 33 seem more vulnerable too. What causes overthinking? Before we move on to how to stop overthinking, it’s important to understand the mechanism behind this problem. Scientists believe it activates parts of the brain involved in fear or anxious responses. Overthinking begins in the cortex, where memories and future events are processed. As we dwell on things, obsessive thoughts engage the amygdala, the seat of emotional responses. Once the amygdala starts working, it triggers physical responses like a higher heart rate, muscle tension, and feeling paralysed by the negative thought. It’s worth noting that overthinking starts with a good intention, usually problem solving or protecting ourselves, but more often than not, it takes us to a dead end and develops into anxiety. However, it’s possible to fight this habit and learn how to stop overthinking. How to stop overthinking in 9 steps If you struggle with overthinking, these nine tips could help you free your mind and live in the present moment more. 1. Find the trigger Overthinking is a habit, so there’ll be something that sends your brain into overthink mode. It could be at bedtime as you take stock of the day, or it could be asking yourself a “what if?” question, re-reading a journal, looking at family photos, etc. 2. Be aware of your response Recognise anxiety as it appears and ask yourself if this is in your head or how productive these thoughts are. Will this way of thinking help you see things in a new light or are you simply going over the same thing again and again? 3. Identify the positive intention We usually overthink because we want to protect ourselves, so think about what practical measures you need to take to achieve that. Learn how to stop overthinking can improve focus 4. Find useful distractions Telling yourself “you shouldn’t think about that” may have the opposite effect (the “don’t think of an elephant” effect). The more you try to suppress those thoughts, the more nagging they become. So, instead, try to divert attention and give your mind something else to focus on. This could be picking up a creative hobby that has a challenging element, working out, or calling a friend. 5. Dealing with 'what ifs' Train your mind to think 'what if' and create best-case scenarios. Inadvertently, you have trained your mind to think about the worse, so don’t doubt that you can also train it to do the opposite also. • JOIN US! Sign-up free to happiness.com and share your story and challenges • 6. Pay attention to what you consume The information that enters our minds can contribute to the snowball effect of overthinking. It’s important to read/hear positive and constructive information at the start and/or end of the day to counter an overthinking habit. 7. Reflection vs obsession As I said at the beginning of this piece, thinking about the past or future isn’t necessarily bad. But there’s a difference between reflecting and obsessing, and this is an important distinction if you want to learn how to stop overthinking. “Follow a body scan meditation script when going to bed to shift your awareness away from overthinking and into your bodily sensations.” One technique that can help is setting a time to reflect on things that matter to you and not letting your thoughts free rein. For example, tell yourself you can think about what's on your mind for 30 minutes between 17:00 and 17:30pm, but no more after that. You can even set an alarm if necessary so you know when to stop. 8. Relaxation techniques You can try controlled breathing exercises to help your brain slow down and shift your attention somewhere other than your worries. Alternatively, follow a body scan meditation script to shift your awareness away from overthinking and into your bodily sensations. This technique is particularly useful if you want to learn how to stop overthinking just before trying to get to sleep. 9. Live in the present Mindfulness techniques can help you focus on the present and make the most of it, bringing enjoyment instead of the anxiety triggered by overthinking. The takeaway: stop overthinking and live life If you’ve experienced the draining effect of rumination, know that it’s possible to break the cycle and learn how to stop overthinking. Finding triggers, becoming more aware of harmful thought processes, and developing strategies to distract and relax your mind can help you make the switch from passive to active thinking and take control of your thoughts. Don’t let anxiety and irrational negative thoughts interfere with your well-being. Put in practice the suggestions listed here on how to stop overthinking and you’ll realise that you can learn to cope with whatever life throws at you. • Main image: shutterstock/TeodorLazerev happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practice, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ self-develop with free online classes in our happiness Academy Gratitude | Mindfulness | Resilience | Letting Go Written by Dee Marques A social sciences graduate with a keen interest in languages, communication, and personal development strategies. Dee loves exercising, being out in nature, and discovering warm and sunny places where she can escape the winter.

Science says that showing kindness to others benefits both the receiver and the giver. With that in mind, Calvin Holbrook shares some great ideas for paying it forward. Spread some joy today and beyond with these 22 random acts of kindness. Daily life presents us with so many opportunities to show random acts of kindness to others. However, for a variety of reasons we often fail to have the awareness to notice the times when we could do so. Whether we are rushing around, staring at our devices, feeling grouchy, or simply not being mindful, we often fail to stop and sense opportunities to show kindness to strangers. A decreasingly kind society was one of the reasons why the Random Acts of Kindness Day takes place on 17 February each year. It's celebrated by individuals, groups and organizations worldwide, to encourage acts of kindness that spread happiness through communities. Indeed, the day represents 24 hours when people have the chance to focus on spreading love and joy to as many people as possible. However, we shouldn't just celebrate kindness on a single day. Incorporating altruism and random acts of kindness into your daily routine should be something which you live by. But why? Random acts of kindness: 22 ideas There are real benefits to showing kindness. Indeed, being kind is not just beneficial to the person on the receiving end of the good deed. In fact, showing kindness leads to scientifically-proven positive feelings for the giver and receiver. Researchers have proven that the power of kindness is potent, releasing happiness hormones that help to reduce stress and anxiety. Furthermore, a two-decade long study from the University of California, San Diego, showed that happiness is contagious. So, if you show one person a random act of kindness, they are likely to then pay it forward to someone else, creating a ripple effect. • JOIN US! Sign up today and make new friends at happiness.com • Bearing this in mind, why not try to incorporate more altruistic acts into your daily routine? Here are 22 ideas for random acts of kindness you can try out that will help brighten someone else's day and make you feel good at the same time... 1. Compliment a stranger All humans seek connection, but in today's society it’s not easy to strike up a conversation with a total stranger without them doubting your intentions, even if you're just being nice. However, if you spot a someone in the street with a beautiful smile, face or jacket – or anything else that grabs your interest – point it out them in a polite and friendly manner. They’re sure to be flattered by your compliment and it may even lead to a deeper conversation or friendship. 2. Give up your seat on public transport Travelling to or from work on public transport is rarely pleasant, especially if you're stuck on your feet for the journey (or worse still, with someone's stinky armpit in your face). So, on your next bus or metro ride, if you’re lucky enough to have a seat, why not pass it to a stranger who looks like they need it more than you? The happiness you will spread from this random act of kindness will make standing up just that little bit more bearable. 3. Gift a book Do you have a favourite memoir, work of fiction, or self-help book that’s inspired you? Or, perhaps you have some mindfulness books or books on meditation that have helped you through tricky times? If so, instead of letting a great book gather dust on a shelf at home, pass those powerful pages onto someone you think could benefit from them. Also, suggest to your friend that once they’ve finished the book, they pass it on, too, keeping the kindness ripple effect flowing. Words work: gift a book as a random act of kindness shutterstock/Dymtro Zinkevych 4. Share your favorite song on social media Research suggests that listening to the music we love helps us to be kinder, creative and more helpful. In that case, share your favorite track on social media and maybe you can help spread some joy or even introduce your friends to some new sounds they will fall in love with. 5. Call a family member or friend In our increasingly busy world, it seems there’s never quite enough time to keep up with all of our loved-ones. Most of us know rely on instant messages or texts to communicate with friend and family but we should never underestimate the power of talking and listening to each other in an actual live phone call. So, ring or Skype a family member of friend you’ve been meaning to get in touch with for ages. Just pick up the phone and do it. And don't forget to tell them that you love them: hearing those three words will always brighten someone's day. • JOIN US! Find your tribe on happiness.com through shared passions • 6. Leave a sticky note for someone A quick, easy and fun random act of kindness idea is to write an uplifting message on a sticky note and leave it randomly on your travels for someone to discover. You could place it within a book, newspaper or on any public space. You could also try writing out mindfulness quotes or suicide prevention quotes on sticky notes, offering hope to people that might spot them. There are so many people living with anxiety and depression at the moment that it may just help them. “Random acts of kindness lead to scientifically-proven positive feelings, for both the giver and receiver.” Alternatively, get specific and leave a sticky smile or note for someone you already know: a colleague, housemate, partner or a family member. It's quick, cute and fun, and will lift them up. 7. Pick up litter Sadly, some people still think it's OK just to drop their trash on the floor and expect street cleaners to sweep it up. Rubbish is a blight on the neighborhood and a real eyesore, especially when out in nature. So, when you spot some rubbish on the floor, simply pick it up and put it in the nearest bin (followed by applying a spritz of hand sanitizer of course). This small, selfless act of goodwill makes you feel better and help improve the environment for everyone that follows you. RELATED: Why is volunteering important? For a deeper effect, join or set-up a litter-picking group volunteering session at your nearest park or beach. This activity benefits the community as a whole and also provides you with a chance to meet new, like-minded folk – that's a real win-win random act of kindness! Show goodwill by joining a litter-pick session shutterstock/Dragon Images 8. Leave food for a homeless person Lots of us feel misgivings about passing cash to the homeless when they ask for it: we wonder if they use that money for food or shelter or spend it on harmful things. Indeed, sadly, sometimes we now even have to question whether that person begging is really homeless at all. So, as an alternative to giving money, leave some fruit, nuts, or a sandwich – something nutritious. Or, leave some warm clothing, a clean blanket or hygiene supplies. A genuine homeless person will hopefully be full of gratitude for your act of goodwill. RELATED: 7 ways to choose kindness every day 9. Better still, talk with a homeless person Imagine having thousands of people walk past you daily, deliberately avoiding your gaze or looking at you with contempt or disgust. This is what homeless people go through every day. And, without the right safety nets, any one of us reading this could end up in this position, especially in these difficult and challenging times. So, take a few minutes to chat with a homeless person about their life. Ask them their name. Ask how they are feeling. Share stories and humanity. This random act of kindness will certainly make them feel that little bit more human. 10. Brighten someone’s day with a plant Receiving a bunch of beautiful flowers is a lovely idea, but they die too fast! Instead, gifting a plant can be cheap and very cheerful. Indeed, plants are natural pick-me-ups, and, because they need care to survive, they encourage the nurturing side of humans. And you don't have to go far to find them – the recent trend for houseplants mean they are easier to find than ever, with lots of exotic varieties on offer in your local supermarket. “Take a few minutes to chat with a homeless person about their life. Ask them their name. Ask them how they are feeling. Share stories and humanity.” So, buy a houseplant for a friend or work colleague, or even give one anonymously by leaving it on someone's doorstep to increase the mystery of this random act of kindness. Or, why not be kind to yourself and treat yourself to a pretty plant: go on, you deserve it! Bloomin' marvellous: be kind and give a plant shutterstock/Beach Creatives 11. Donate to charity As spring approaches, it’s a great chance to have a big clear-out of your closet. So, spend a few hours rifling through your old clothes and donate a bag of your bits to your preferred charity shop. For the full double deed of kindness, while you’re dropping off your donation, consider buying something as well. Buying from charity shops instead of buying new is also great for the environment. 12. Leave some art for someone Another cool random act of kindness idea is to use your creativity to change someone’s day. Leave a poem, mandala, drawing or painting somewhere in the community and let someone randomly discover and enjoy it. The surprise will be sure to put a grin on their face. • JOIN US! Sign up and join our curious, caring and inspirational online community! • 13. Cakes for colleagues Whip up some sweet treats in the oven and bring them into the workplace to share with your colleagues (yes, even those that you don’t always see eye-to-eye with – showing compassion is good for you). The fact that you’ve personally made something to share will make all the difference, too. Can't cook? Then splurge down the bakery instead as a plan B. The bonus of this random act of kindness is that you will also be able to get to munch on the cakes. 14. Send a postcard to someone you love Remember snail mail? Do you recall the joy of seeing a handwritten letter pop through the letterbox and land on your doormat? In this digital age, handwritten letters have almost been wiped out, so, let's change that. It doesn’t matter if you’re not away on holiday – and let's face it, at the moment that's more and more unlikely – you can still drop someone a handwritten note. “Another cool random act of kindness is to use your creativity to change someone's day. Leave a poem, mandala, drawing or painting somewhere in the community for people to appreciate.” So, even if you're at home, pop out and buy a nice postcard, a stamp, and spend a couple of minutes penning some loving lines to someone you care about. They're sure to get a buzz when your goodwill wishes land on their mat! Postcard it forward: get crafty to be kind 15. Buy local OK, we've all bought from Amazon to get a cheap deal, and many of us will have gone crazy on it during lockdown. But skip Amazon for the day. Support your nearby community by buying something from a local independent – either in person or through its website. Of course, it may be a little more expensive, but your purchase will help support local businesses and their families, rather than one fat cat receiving all the profits. 16. Have a judgement-free day Many of us tend to judge people instantly. From how they look, what they're wearing, or because of things they've said that we don't agree with or decisions made. Try to live a day free of judgement: in thoughts, words and actions. Don't let your fears or insecurities affect how you're thinking. 17. Connect with those that serve others When buying or ordering something, we often fail to engage fully with those behind the counter. So, next time you stop for gas, coffee or food, chat with your server. Ask them how their day is going, what time they clock off, or compliment them on something. And certainly don't browse the web or chat on your mobile phone while they're serving you: that's just plain rude. 18. Buy energy-efficient lightbulbs Have you seen the light yet? If you haven’t done so already, show some kindness to yourself and the environment by ensuring all your lightbulbs in your home are energy efficient. While they may seem more expensive, switching to energy efficient lighting is one of the best ways to cut your energy bill in the long-run. Plus, you don’t have to replace them so often. 19. Speak with a senior Research suggests that loneliness is as bad for your health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. So, if you have some elderly neighbours, pop round to have a chat over a cuppa. Or, if you see a senior in a shop or street and there’s a way to engage with them, do so. Sometimes, the elderly don’t speak to people for days on end and their only contact is through going shopping. Remember: we're all going to get old one day and that you could be you in a similar position in the future. Help the aged: connect with your elders shutterstock/halfpoint 20. Pay it forward with a coffee A tried and tested idea for an act of random kindness, offering to pay for the caffeine fix of someone else in the queue is an inexpensive and easy way of spreading some cheer. It's quick and gets immediate results (mine's a soya flat white, thanks!). 21. Be kind on social media Twitter and Facebook can be full of negativity, bitter trolls and oneupmanship. At the same time, we often get in the habit of breezing through social media posts and articles without actually reading things properly. Change all that by being nice. If you read a social media post or a well-written article that touches you, take a few seconds to leave a positive comment and let the author know. Why not start by telling us what you think of this article below? 22. Our final random act of kindness: share this post! Speaking of sharing, your last act of random kindness could be to share this article on social media and help to spread love and happiness as far and wide as possible. Let's all try to make a difference together! ● Main image: Oksana Mizina/Shutterstock.com How many of these random acts of kindness ideas have you tried? How did they go? Has anyone ever surprised you with one of these tips? happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ self-develop with free online classes in our Academy Altruism | Deep listening | Purpose of life Written by Calvin Holbrook Calvin edits the happiness magazine, makes collage artwork and loves swimming, yoga, dancing to house/techno, and all things vintage! Find out more.

There have been many feel-good health and environmental stories in the press during October. Ed Gould rounds up his Top Ten from the past month to uplift and inspire. On the face of it, October wasn't a great month for positive news stories. Nevertheless, there were quite a few items that perhaps did not receive the wider attention they deserved. If the month of October seemed to be all doom and gloom, then what were some of the news stories you may have missed? 1. Anti-cancer drug sourced from fungus A strange kind of mushroom that grows high in the Himalayan mountain range has been found to have powerful effects in the fight against cancer. In fact, scientists believe a component in the fungus called Cordycepin may be up to 40 times more effective in helping cells to defend themselves against cancers. Medical researchers have been looking into the fungus – which has been used in traditional Chinese medicine for years – to see how it might be adapted into a chemotherapy treatment. Work on the research is ongoing at the University of Oxford. 2. Consuming mushrooms helps to stave off depression In other fungi-related news, a mental health study in the United States has found that the consumption of mushrooms can play a big part in people's depressive moods. According to researchers, the presence of a certain antioxidant known as ergothioneine can reduce oxidative stress and in turn lower the odds of suffering from a mental health condition, including depression, bipolar disorder and schizophrenia. 3. Mindfulness reduces cortisol, study finds According to the New Daily, an Australian news outlet, scientists in Germany have found that a daily session of mindfulness meditation reduces stress. Many scientific studies have also found similar results. However, this study at the Max Planck Institute for Human Cognition measured cortisol levels. Instead of asking people to report how they felt, this research opted for a quantifiable way of establishing stress. Over a period of six months, meditating mindfully was found to reduce this stress hormone's prevalence significantly. RELATED: Morning meditation – the secret to a great day 4. Asian wildcats back from the brink of extinction Conservationists the world over hailed the success of Chinese efforts to protect Siberian tigers and Amur leopards in the remote north of the country. The latest surveys in the Jilin and Heilongjiang provinces of the People's Republic found that numbers of both species were on the rise. A pilot scheme that began in 2017 is being noted for its success. In essence, both creatures have been allowed to roam freely in a national park since then, helping to boost their number to about 60 over the course of the last four years, according to a report in Global Times. The stunning Siberian tiger shutterstock/Volodymyr Burdiak 5. Carbon dioxide made into perfume Carbon dioxide may be useful for making drinks fizzy but it's a big problem when it's released in large quantities into the atmosphere. According to numerous outlets, the start-up Air Company is trying to use carbon capture techniques to remove it. What they have come up with is a perfume that is based on ethanol. While that's nothing new in the perfumery world, the difference is that its range of newly announced scents contain ethanol that's been derived from CO2. As such, they claim their fragrances aren't just carbon neutral but carbon negative. 6. Korean scientists turn pee into power In the search for sustainable energy that will lower the human race's reliance on fossil fuels, there are many candidates. Among them now is urine-power, thanks to the work of the National Korea Maritime and Ocean University. Researchers there have perfected a technique for using human urine to generate electricity. Their process involves mixing urea with hydrogen fluoride and other substances to produce power. It's hoped its laboratory experiments will be scaled up in future so that wastewater treatment plants can become power stations. 7. Mozart's music can help to prevent seizures A report published in Epilepsy Today described how scientists in the USA had been researching the power of music when dealing with a group of people who could not have their seizures controlled by medication. In their study, the team played a variety of music to those with epilepsy, including a piece by Wagner and one by Mozart. They discovered that the neural activity most associated with the prelude to a seizure was significantly reduced when listening to the Mozart piece. It's thought that the musical structure of Sonata For Two Pianos (K448) is what helps to adjust the way the brain is working. Interestingly, they found that just 30 seconds or so of exposure was enough to have a noticeable effect but that no other piece of music displayed the same properties. 8. Brits fighting to protect endangered beetle A new nature reserve has been set up in a Norfolk wetland centre to try and help the Tansy beetle from extinction. The beetle is only known to exist in three locations. The new reserve is at one of those sites and aims to help the species to breed and thrive without interference to its habitat, according to ITV News. The green beetle is already protected but its preferred habitat is under threat so the move will hopefully at least stabilise its numbers in the wild. A close-up of the rare Tansy beetle shutterstock/Wirestock Creators 9. New solar-powered desalination technique unveiled According to the India Times, a new method for removing salt from water so that it can be drunk has been developed by a firm called Solar Water Solutions. The firm is based in Finland and reckons it can purify saltwater to a high level with nothing more complex than solar panels. The idea is to help people in areas without much water to desalinate seawater with no environmental cost in terms of energy consumption. At the moment, a pilot project has been set up to test the technique in Kenya. Once fully running, the company estimates that around 400,000 people living in rural parts of the country will benefit from the project. 10. Large amounts of rubbish removed from ocean The Pacific Ocean is home to huge amounts of rubbish, much of it plastic that is bobbing around in swirling vortices. In an experimental technique, a clean-up operation off the coast of California exceeded the developers' expectations. In fact, the method has removed as much as 31 tonnes of plastic rubbish from the sea between the start of July and October, according to the Independent. The project involved a single haul of rubbish that managed to pick up about ten tonnes of material somewhere between the US mainland and Hawaii. • happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ develop with free online classes in our happiness Academy Nature | Biotechnology | Biology | Stress Management Written by Ed Gould Ed Gould is a UK-based journalist and practitioner of Reiki.

We all spend too much time 'in our heads' now and again. But overthinking regularly can be detrimental to our mental health if those thoughts are negative, so it's important to remember you are not your thoughts. Dee Marques offers some mindful exercises to help you do just that. Have you ever wondered how many thoughts we have in a day? It may seem impossible to calculate, but actually, we do have an answer. In fact, psychologists at a Canadian university have quantified the average number of daily thoughts an adult has as 6,200. This figure seems to confirm that we spend a lot of time in our heads. And there are plenty more studies to confirm this. For example, an article published in Science magazine reported that we spend more than 46 per cent of our waking hours thinking about things that aren’t related to what we’re doing in any given moment. Of course, thinking isn’t all bad and letting the mind wander can have its benefits. However, from a mental health perspective, it’s important to be aware of the content of our thoughts, and of the impact they can have when we let them run loose. Negative self-talk and rumination are real problems. Indeed, back in the early 2000s, researchers at the United States National Science Foundation estimated that 80 per cent of our thoughts are negative, and 95 per cent of them are repetitive. Looking at these statistics, it’s easy to understand how much our thoughts can affect our quality of life and potential for enjoyment. Get out of your head: you are not your thoughts! shutterstock/G-Stock Studio Psychiatrist Sigmund Freud once asked, “Where does a thought go when it’s forgotten?” Although this complex question has no definitive answer, there’s one thing we know: your thoughts leave a footprint in your mind. Sometimes, they can become a part of your identity, but here’s the thing: you are not your thoughts. We all have the ability to control our thoughts and moderate their impact. In this article, I’ll explain why you are not your thoughts and how you can curb the effects of negative thinking on your everyday life. The negative effects of brain chatter Self-talk, brain chatter, mental noise… whatever we call it, it's important to understand that allowing certain mental patterns to take control can be harmful. Well-being is a matter of balance. If we spend too much time focusing on thoughts, we run the risk of tipping the scale too heavily in one direction. In other words, if we think too much, that can mean that we’re acting too little, and life requires a healthy balance between thinking and acting. “If we don’t control brain chatter, we may end up losing sight of what’s real and what isn’t. Thoughts are not facts, and you are not your thoughts.” Moreover, if we don’t learn how to curb our negative inner dialogue, we can expose ourselves to unnecessary suffering and unhappiness. Living in our heads and dwelling on our thoughts can lead to rumination. This potentially toxic habit can cause multiple mental and physical health issues, from depression to high blood pressure, including insomnia, anxiety, and excessive alcohol consumption. Rumination is everything but productive. When we enter this state, we’re more likely to get trapped in cyclical thoughts and to believe we have no power to act on whatever is worrying us. The result is a pessimistic and passive outlook on life – the opposite of the healthy belief that you are not your thoughts. And while we’re stuck ruminating about the past or the future, we’re not acting in the present, which is the only thing over which we have some degree of control. RELATED: Learn how to stop overthinking Another danger is that if we don’t control brain chatter, we may end up losing sight of what’s real and what isn’t. You must remember that thoughts are not facts, and that you are not your thoughts. Let’s look at how to do this. You are not your thoughts: how to make it real First, identify what causes the problem. Keep a diary of your thoughts to see if you can find any patterns to when they appear or what triggers them. Common triggers are watching the news, mindlessly scrolling through social media feeds, and monotonous or repetitive tasks, like cleaning or driving the usual commute. Once you’ve identified the triggers, think of something that will keep your mind busy when the thoughts appear. For example, if this happens when you’re driving, make a habit of listening to uplifting podcasts about happiness or audiobooks. A digital detox can be a real eye opener and a big step in helping you realise that you are not your thoughts. RELATED: How to stop ruminating with these 3 techniques The second suggestion is not to suppress those thoughts completely. You don’t want to encourage the “don’t think of an elephant” effect. Instead, give yourself 15 minutes a day to calmly consider your worries. Set an alarm and once it goes off, remind yourself that you are not your thoughts, and carry on with your day. It can also help to take an active approach to your worries. Write them down and think about what can you do about them. You may want to use brainstorming techniques to be creative with problems instead of letting them define your life. Exercises to practise If uncontrolled thoughts have become mental noise that drains your energy, you can learn to silence them with mindfulness. This practice trains our brain to observe thoughts instead of automatically acting or reacting on them. Here is an exercise suggestion: The key is to observe thoughts with curiosity and without judgement, noticing how they feel as they enter and leave your mind. Make a mental note of whether the thoughts run fast or slow, what are the common themes, find out if they’re repetitive or different. As you do this, you can imagine a crystal clear stream. It’s autumn and tree leaves are falling. Imagine each leaf is a thought, and watch them fall, enter the stream, and be washed away until you can no longer see them. Learn to simply observe your thoughts with curiosity After the mindfulness exercise, you can also try to find out the intention behind those thoughts. Every emotion has a positive purpose, but sometimes our mind doesn’t allow us to see it, because it goes into rumination mode automatically. For example, anxious thoughts could signal a need for self-care and protection. Sadness can prompt us to adjust to new circumstances and develop new tools to thrive. Whenever negative thoughts make you feel anxious, find some quiet space to be present in the moment. You can sit or lie down in a comfortable position and focus on how your body feels against the floor or chair, taking your time to do a body scan from head to toe. If brain chatter tries to intrude, be firm and say you are in charge now. Remember: you are not your thoughts and your thoughts aren’t always a reflection of reality. “If brain chatter tries to intrude, be firm and say you are in charge. Remember: you are not your thoughts and your thoughts aren't always a reflection of reality.” Repeated mindfulness sessions can help you win the fight between a restless “monkey mind” and the logical or rational mind. Over time, you’ll notice how your power to deflect unwanted thoughts improves, and how the idea that you are not your thoughts becomes a reality. One last suggestion is to work on self-acceptance. It takes time to get hold of your thinking habits and to fully understand that you are not your thoughts, so don’t be too hard on yourself in you don’t get it right 100 per cent of the times. And don’t forget to look over previous blog posts, where we listed great mindfulness podcasts to keep you motivated or explored different ways of incorporating mindfulness into your daily life. Takeaway: you are not your thoughts Negative self-talk can make it hard to believe that you are not your thoughts, and mental noise can be draining. But as powerful beings, we have the resources to be in control and to stop letting our thoughts dictate how our mood and actions. Try the suggestions in this article, and if in doubt, remember: you are not your thoughts, you’re much more than that! • Main image: shutterstock/Dragana Gordic happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up free to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ self-develop with free online classes in our happiness Academy Letting go | Acceptance | Self Care Written by Dee Marques A social sciences graduate with a keen interest in languages, communication, and personal development strategies. Dee loves exercising, being out in nature, and discovering warm and sunny places where she can escape the winter.

Accepting our mortality helps us let go of busyness and focus on what’s most important to us in order to live a happier, more meaningful life. By OLIVER BURKEMAN on behalf of Greater Good Science Center. The average human lifespan is absurdly, terrifyingly finite. If you’re lucky and you live to 80, you will have lived about 4,000 weeks. This truth, which most of us ignore most of the time, is something to wrestle with if we want to spend our limited time on this earth well. Given that, it follows that time management, broadly defined, should be everyone’s chief concern. Yet the modern discipline of time management (or productivity) is depressingly narrow-minded, focused on devising the perfect morning routine or trying to crank through as many tasks as possible, while investing all your energy on reaching some later state of well-being and accomplishment. It ignores the fact that the world is bursting with wonder — and that experiencing more of that wonder may come at the cost of productivity. As a recovering “productivity geek,” I know how it feels to become swept up in the idea of discovering the perfect system of time management. But I was eventually forced to accept that my struggles to achieve a sense of perfect control or mastery of my time were counterproductive, leading not to a life of more meaning but one of more overwhelm and stress. I came to see that I needed to give up the quest for that kind of control, letting go of the impossible goal of becoming perfectly efficient and embracing my limitations instead, so as to make more time for what was really valuable. Part of that embrace of limitation involves facing the anxiety that comes with acknowledging mortality. When we recognize the shortness of life — and accept the fact that some things have to be left unaccomplished, whether we like it or not — we are freer to focus on what matters. Rather than succumbing to the mentality of “better, faster, more,” we can embrace being imperfect, and be happier for it. Here are 10 suggestions I make in my book, Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals, about how to live with your limited time in mind. 1. Adopt a “fixed volume” approach to productivity We all need to make tough choices about what we can realistically get done, so that we can prioritize the activities that matter most, instead of reacting to a constant barrage of demands. One way is to keep two to-do lists — one for everything on your plate, one for the 10 or fewer things that you’re currently working on. Fill up the 10 slots on the second list with items from the first, then set to work. The rule is not to move any further items from the first list onto the second until you’ve freed up a slot by finishing one of the 10 items. A related strategy is to set a pre-established time boundary for certain types of daily work — for example, to resolve to write from 8 to 11 a.m. — and to make sure you stop when time’s up. 2. Serialize Focus only on one big project at a time. Though it’s alluring to try to alleviate the anxiety of having too many responsibilities or ambitions by getting started on them all at once, you’ll make little progress that way. Multitasking rarely works well — and you’ll soon find that serializing helps you to complete more projects anyway, thereby helping relieve your anxiety. Forget multitasking: tackle one project at a time 3. Decide in advance what to fail at You’ll inevitably underachieve at something, simply because your time and energy are finite. But strategic underachievement — nominating in advance areas of your life in which you won’t expect excellence — helps you focus your time and energy more effectively. For example, you might decide in advance that it’s OK to have a cluttered kitchen while you finish your novel, or to do the bare minimum on a particular work project, so you can spend more time with your children. “When we recognize the shortness of life — and accept the fact that some things have to be left unaccomplished, whether we like it or not — we are freer to focus on what matters.” To live this way is to replace the high-pressure quest for work-life balance with something more reasonable: a deliberate kind of imbalance. 4. Focus on what you’ve already completed, not just what’s left to do Since the quest to get everything done is interminable by definition, it’s easy to grow despondent and self-reproachful when you can’t get through your whole to-do list. One counter-strategy is to keep a “done list,” which starts empty first thing in the morning, but which you can gradually fill in throughout the day as you get things done. It’s a cheering reminder that you could have spent the day doing nothing remotely constructive… yet you didn’t. 5. Consolidate your caring Social media is a giant machine for getting you to spend your time caring about the wrong things — and too many of them at once. We’re exposed to an unending stream of atrocities and injustices, each of which might have a legitimate claim on our time and our charitable donations, but which add up to something no human could ever effectively address comprehensively. Once you grasp that fact fully, it’s good to consciously pick your battles in charity, activism and politics — and devote your spare time only to those specific causes. Focus your capacity for care, so you don’t burn out. 6. Embrace boring and single-purpose technology Digital distractions allow us to escape to a realm where painful human limitations don’t seem to apply: scrolling idly around online, you need never feel bored or constrained in your freedom of action, which isn’t the case when it comes to doing work that matters. You can combat this by making your devices as boring as possible, removing social media apps and, if you dare, email. It’s also helpful to choose devices with only one purpose, such as the Kindle reader. Otherwise, temptations will be only a swipe away, and you’ll feel the urge to check your screens anytime you’re bored or facing a challenge in your work. 7. Seek out novelty in the mundane Time seems to speed up as we age, likely because our brains encode the passage of years based on how much information we process in any given interval. While children have many novel experiences and time therefore seems slower to them, the routinization of older people’s lives means that time seems to pass at an ever-increasing rate. RELATED: Mindful minutes - 10 small practices that make a big difference The standard advice is to combat this by cramming more novel experiences into your life. That can help, but it’s not always practical. An alternative is to pay more attention to every moment, however mundane — to find novelty by plunging more deeply into your present life. Try going on unplanned walks to see where they lead you, taking up drawing or birdwatching, or playing “I Spy” with a child — whatever draws your attention into the moment more fully. Spend more time on simple pleasures shutterstock/Just dance 8. Be a researcher in relationships The desire to feel in control of our limited time causes numerous problems in relationships, resulting not only in controlling behavior, but also commitment-phobia, the inability to listen, boredom, and missing out on the richness of communal experiences with others. “Pay more attention to every moment, however mundane — to find novelty by plunging more deeply into your present life.” When faced with a challenging or boring moment in a relationship, try being curious about the person you’re with, rather than controlling. Curiosity is a stance well-suited to the inherent unpredictability of life with others, because it can be satisfied by their behaving in ways you like or dislike — whereas if you demand a certain result instead, you’ll often be frustrated. 9. Cultivate instantaneous generosity Whenever a generous impulse arises in your mind, give in to it right away rather than putting it off. Don’t wait to figure out if the recipient deserves your generosity or if you really have the time to be generous right now (with all of the work you have left to do!). Just do it. The rewards are immediate, too, because generous action reliably makes you feel much happier. 10. Practise doing nothing When it comes to the challenge of using your 4,000 weeks well, the capacity to do nothing is indispensable, because if you can’t bear the discomfort of not acting, you’re far more likely to make poor choices with your time, such as attempting to hurry activities that can’t be rushed, or feeling you ought to spend every moment being “productive,” regardless of whether the tasks in question really matter. RELATED: How to practise Niksen – the art of doing nothing Doing nothing means resisting the urge to manipulate your experience or the people and things in the world around you, and to let things be as they are. You can try the “do-nothing” meditation, where you set a timer for 5-10 minutes and then try doing nothing; if you catch yourself doing something — thinking, say, or even just focusing on your breath — gently let go of doing it. As you keep letting go, you’ll increase your ability to do nothing, and gradually regain your autonomy. You’ll no longer be so motivated by the attempt to evade how reality feels here and now; instead, you’ll learn to calm down, and to make better choices with your brief allotment of life. • Main image: shutterstock/Syda Productions This essay is adapted from Four Thousand Weeks, published by Farrar, Straus & Giroux. Copyright © 2021. All rights reserved. happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practice, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ learn with free online classes in our happiness Academy Mindfulness | Gratitude | Friendship Written by Greater Good Science Center This article originally appeared on Greater Good, the online magazine of the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley. happiness.com is honoured to republish them with the kind permission of the Greater Good Science Center. greatergood.berkeley.edu

Trusting a partner, friends or even the public isn't easy for some of us. If you're worried you or someone you love has trust issues, psychologist Stanislava Puač Jovanović explains the seven signs you need to look for and offers ideas on regaining trust and moving forward. When you trust someone, you are placing your confidence into their hands. It is a vital human experience. Relationships — and entire societies — are based on essential faith that we will not be harmed. However, confiding is not necessarily an easy thing to do. It is also not a given. Humans develop basic trust in the first months of their lives. It is maintained (or lost) during childhood and adolescence. Even as adults, we can acquire trust issues if we are exposed to severe betrayal. Sometimes, trust issues are so deeply ingrained into our psyche that we do not even recognise having them. But if you've ever asked yourself “Do I have trust issues?”, this article will explain what they are, what signs to look out for, and how to overcome those difficulties in trusting others. What are trust issues? Trust issues are, simply put, difficulties in relying on something or someone. In interpersonal relationships, when you trust someone, you feel that you can depend on them to do what they say they will. So, when you ask yourself: “Do I have trust issues?” elaborate and instead ask yourself: “Is it difficult for me to have faith that people will hold on to their word?” Reading a partner's text? Definitely trust issues! Interestingly, according to the American Psychological Association’s dictionary entry on trust: “the key factor is not the intrinsic honesty of the other people but their predictability.” In other words, to have faith does not mean to be surrounded by trustworthy, honest folks. It is about predicting how they will behave. This aspect of trust is an important point when you are dealing with your trust issues, and we will return to it later on. Now, if we said that basic trust in people is a vital human experience — how does it happen that some people end up with trust issues? (Why) do I have trust issues? Trust is a phenomenon that exists on a continuum. It is not warranted nor advisable to have faith in everyone and everything, of course. Some wariness is a natural, evolutionary response to the unpredictability of life. However, when you have trust issues, you simply cannot relax around people. You expect to be betrayed, lied to, cheated on, taken advantage of — even by those closest to you. Such an unfounded and all-encompassing nature of the lack of trust is what qualifies it as a trust issue. How do issues around trust develop? No person is alike. Therefore, it is also not possible to state a single cause of trust issues. However, there are three main paths to understand their creation, founded in theory and empirical research. The first is Erik Erikson’s work on life cycles. According to this great psychologist, psychosocial development occurs in stages. Starting with the birth until about 18 months of age, infants either acquire or fail to attain basic trust. When the primary caregiver (usually the mother) is responsive, consistent, and reliable, a sense of confidence in others develops. A failure at this stage, conversely, results in mistrust that bleeds into every later relationship. “When you have trust issues, you simply cannot relax around people. You expect to be betrayed, lied to, cheated on, taken advantage of — even by those closest to you.” Another theoretical explanation is the attachment and attachment styles proposed by John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth, respectively. Attachment is formed during early childhood, based on the experience with the primary caregiver and other family members. These early interactions form a blueprint for our subsequent way of relating to others. Trust issues characterise insecure attachment. Finally, even if you were once a trusting person, a traumatic experience in adulthood could make you start distrusting others. Whether you were exposed to violence, psychological or sexual abuse, severe betrayal or disappointment, such experiences could leave a psychological scar and change you. Signs you may have trust issues As we suggested above, trust issues can be thoroughly hidden from your immediate awareness. They potentially developed when you were as young as a few months old. So, trust issues could feel like your part of your nature, not like 'issues' as such. They can be your defence mechanism — by definition, not conscious. So, if you still hear the voice in the back of your mind asking: “Do I have trust issues?” here are seven signs to look for which may suggest that you do. 1. Being overly suspicious of others’ good intentions Trust issues are equal to being excessively wary. Your mind is working under the assumption that people will harm you. Therefore, it might be difficult to accept kindness and gestures of affection for what they are. Your thoughts immediately search for the “real” reasons and ulterior motives behind such actions. 2. Turbulent relationships Trust also affects how couples communicate, as a study confirmed. When you doubt your partner’s intentions, you are likely to pick fights. When you argue, you focus on the negatives instead of your strengths as a couple. The history of your romantic relationships could reveal a pattern of dysfunction, drama, on-again-off-again kind of affairs. When you have trust issues, you could also be prone to developing psychologically unhealthy codependent relationships. People with trust issues often have turbulent relationships shutterstock/New Africa 3. A lack of profound closeness and openness Research has revealed that trust is tied to love and the intimacy of self-disclosure. The opposite is also true. It is only logical — when you expect people to betray you, you are unlikely to share information with them. You could be avoiding affection altogether. Nonetheless, mistrust robs you out of the opportunity to experience close, deep relationships. 4. All-round belief about people being deceptive Trust issues are usually most visible in romantic relationships. However, you might also have an overarching conviction that all people are dishonest and unreliable. Therefore, any social interaction is a cause for mistrust. For example, you buy your groceries and always double-check the change. Teamwork for you means expecting your coworkers to backstab you. In friendships, you are mostly secretive. Trust issues make you walk the world expecting to be double-crossed. 5. Inability to forgive and forget It might seem as if trust issues have kept you safe from harm. In reality, they have caused much more damage than good. Still, you feel that mistrust protects you. Such an impression is particularly likely if you developed trust issues after an adult traumatic experience. If you ever let someone get close to you, chances are, you will be overly sensitive to any hint of treachery. And, if they do end up hurting you, you probably would not be able to forgive and let it go. Indeed, forgiveness and trust are complexly intertwined. For those struggling with trusting people, granting forgiveness can be incredibly challenging. 6. Social isolation and loneliness According to one study, some people are highly motivated to acquire relationship-threatening information. They yearn to find out if others indirectly harmed them. Such individuals also exhibit paranoid thought patterns and act out their suspicion. However, no one likes that. As a result, others socially reject highly distrusting people because they anger them. Another study found that high mistrust leads to a greater chance of a break-up of romantic relationships in a matter of months. 7. Emotional disturbances According to Aaron Beck, a renowned psychiatrist and theoretician, depression goes hand-in-hand with a depressive cognitive triad. In its simplest, the triad means that people prone to depression will have negative beliefs about others and the world, their future, and themselves. “It might seem as if trust issues have kept you safe from harm. In reality, they have caused much more damage than good.” Trust issues make you wary of others and consider them corrupt. The future could look bleak when you expect to be lied to and taken advantage of. Finally, when you are lonely and often rejected for your mistrust, you could also see yourself as being faulty. Therefore, emotional disturbances, starting with depression, could come from your inability to trust others. Dealing with trust issues As explained, trust exists on a continuum. At this point, that means that some people will be able to overcome their trust issues with some soul-searching and support from friends or family. For others, contacting a psychotherapist or a counsellor might be necessary. What are the steps you can take on your own to deal with trust issues? Mostly, it is about changing your perspective and strengthening the ability to handle the uncertainty of relationships. Accept the risk. Let us eat the biggest frog first. Yes, there is a risk of you getting hurt. There always is. That does not mean you ought to live in hiding. An occasional bruise is a part of life. It would be best to learn to accept that such a possibility exists — and get comfortable with that. How? By knowing that you will survive any challenge thrown your way. And — by recognising that not every relationship comes with endless pain. Most people mean well and will treat you kindly. It is possible to overcome minor transgressions and grow as a couple and as individuals. Practise mindfulness. Mindfulness will help you focus on the 'now'. If you learn how to be mindful, you can overcome the ruminations about past hurts. They will not direct your present actions anymore. You will also develop the ability to handle anxieties about the horror scenarios you imagine may happen in the future. Develop coping skills. Do you remember the American Psychological Association’s definition of trust? The bit we said we would get back to later? Trust is not about the intrinsic honesty of others but their predictability. What this means is that in tackling trust issues, we are not to try and change others. Yes, some people will remain deceitful. Instead of trying to avoid betrayal, we need to become able to cope with it. Therefore, work on enhancing your self-confidence. Grow your coping skills. When you arm yourself with faith in your skills, you will be able to muddle through any disappointment from others. In effect, you will also liberate yourself from the constant fear of being let down. Takeaway: dealing with trust issues Perhaps you started reading this article with a question – “Do I have trust issues?” At this point, you might have a better idea if you do. But this is not enough. You ought to work on overcoming them. It will not be an easy road to travel. Trust issues grew in your mind to protect you from maltreatment. You feel that they have kept you safe. Yet, what they do is rob you out of your chances of a spontaneous, free life. You will miss out on everything a fulfilling relationship can give you — inspiration, support, joy, understanding. It is now within your reach to change that. Make the first steps towards a rewarding experience of letting others in. • Main image: shutterstock/WAYHOME studio happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ sharing and supporting others in our happiness forum ■ developing with free online classes in our Academy Authenticity | Empathy | Communication skills Written by Stanislava Puač Jovanović Stanislava Puač Jovanović has a master’s degree in psychology and works as a freelance writer and researcher in this area. Her primary focus is on questions relating to mental health, stress-management, self-development and well-being.

An often invisible illness, diagnosing quiet borderline personality disorder isn't easy. Luckily, the treatment for this condition can be, as psychologist Stanislava Puač Jovanović explains... I have known a few people with borderline personality disorder (BPD) in my life. I can say with certainty that they suffered — as did those close to them. However, thanks to the explosive nature of the disorder, however unpleasant it may be, BPD did not stay hidden. Some of them were diagnosed and received treatment. More importantly, they learned to understand the nature of their unpredictable emotions and reactions. I probably also know a few people with quiet borderline personality disorder (QBPD). Unfortunately, I cannot say that I know who they are. Are they aware that what they are going through is a disorder? Quite possibly not. Do their loved ones understand what is happening? They might not have a clue. That's because quiet borderline personality disorder is a difficult but often invisible ordeal. As this article will make clear, it bears the burden of the BPD. Still, it stays concealed — often even from the affected person themselves. Yet, the moment you understand QBPD and its manifestations, the path towards treatment opens. So, what is quiet borderline personality disorder? What is quiet borderline personality disorder and how is it diagnosed? Before we can hope to understand quiet borderline personality disorder, we need to grasp the concept of a personality disorder as such. Unlike some other mental disorders that come and go, personality disorders are usually enduring. One of the criteria for diagnosis states: “The impairments in personality functioning and the individual’s personality trait expression are relatively stable across time and consistent across situations.” Personality disorders are pervasive, unchanging, and present at least from adolescence. They form an inner experience and behaviour pattern deviant from a person’s cultural norms. “A person affected by quiet borderline personality disorder aims hostility and anger at themselves. Feeling sombre and dejected is often mixed with a buried feeling of anger and disappointment towards others.” In other words, it seems to be the structure of the individual’s personality that is affected. A personality disorder is apparent throughout life and across different contexts. A person who is, for example, narcissistic will act that way at work, in love, with family and strangers. Those who know them will tell you that it is how they have been forever. What is borderline personality disorder? QBPD is a variation of BPD. Therefore, we need to be clear on what the disorder entails. Borderline personality disorder is a syndrome of disordered functioning in relationship to oneself and others. To meet the diagnostic criteria, the affected person has to manifest the following symptoms: Impairments in self-functioning. They can be unsure of who they are as a person. They might feel empty inside and succumb to excessive self-criticism. Sometimes, goals, aspirations and career plans are unstable. A person with BPD keeps changing their direction in life. Impairments in interpersonal functioning. They lack empathy or have severe problems in establishing meaningful close relationships. Being emotionally unstable, anxious, depressive, or fearing rejection and separation. Disinhibition, meaning that they are highly impulsive and often take excessive risks. Hostility, anger, and irritability. Subtypes of BPD The current classification of mental disorders does not divide the BPD into subtypes. Nonetheless, the official criteria could be combined differently. As a result, individuals with BPD are often very unalike. This is probably one of the reasons why borderline personality disorder has long been notoriously under-detected and misdiagnosed in clinical practice. Aiming hostility at oneself is a sign of QBPD shutterstock/airdone It is also why many popular psychology authors voiced their opinion about the subtypes of BPD. Some scholars and practitioners also argue that borderline personality disorder should be divided into three subtypes based on the dominant cognitive mechanisms in their foundations. A 2017 study determined three clusters of BPD patients with distinct profiles: Most patients were those with the “core BPD” features, that is, typical borderline personalities. A second “Extravert/externalising” subtype was characterised by high levels of histrionic, narcissistic, and antisocial features. A third, smaller subtype had schizotypal and paranoid features — therefore, it is named “Schizotypal/paranoid”. Million and Davis have proposed, based on extensive professional expertise in the realm of personality disorders, that there are four subtypes of BPD: Discouraged or “quiet” borderline Impulsive borderline Petulant borderline Self-destructive borderline So, what are the symptoms of the quiet BPD subtype? Symptoms of QBPD Most professionals and laypeople would think of someone with BPD as an explosive, violent and hostile person. An unpredictable and impulsive human ticking bomb. However, it appears that there are those affected by the disorder whose suffering remains largely invisible. In quiet borderline personality disorder, all the symptoms of the BPD are directed inwards. According to Million and Davis, a person affected by quiet borderline personality disorder aims the borderline hostility and anger at oneself. They might act clingy and form codependent relationships. Feeling sombre and dejected is often mixed with a buried feeling of anger and disappointment towards others. However, they do not let it show. Their anger is more likely to be manifested as self-harm and suicide attempts than aggression towards others. Could you be living with QPBD? Here are some of the signs that suggest you could be living with quiet borderline personality disorder: You are very good at hiding your true emotions. You present a composed façade at all times. You might not even be able to recognise or describe your feelings correctly (alexithymia), so they fester inside. You are high-functioning and successful; a perfectionistic even. When emotional pain becomes too much to bear, you detach from the world and your inner experiences. You may feel like you were in a dream or a movie, unable to feel connected. You may be a people-pleaser. You need to be liked, and you yearn for appreciation from those you fall for. You experience bouts of anxiety at the slightest sign of disapproval. Your buttons are easily pushed around other people. You know that you are prone to feeling hurt, insulted or humiliated. To prevent it, you might prefer distancing yourself from others. You might be putting people into one of the two categories — they are either impeccable or atrocious. It is a mechanism called “splitting” or polarised thinking. You might be so profoundly afraid of being abandoned that you avoid getting close to others altogether. It protects you from hurt. You tend to feel irrational guilt and self-loathing. For this reason, you could be at risk of engaging in self-harming behaviour, including having suicidal thoughts. (If this is the case, please reach out to any local service or organisation that deals with mental health to help you get your way out of that dark path). Your priorities and interests change erratically. Your commitment changes on a day-to-day basis. Be it a project, a hobby, or a person, QBPD comes with a lack of consistency in dedication. You seem utterly devoted to something, only for it to fall into oblivion in the next moment. You crave control and order. Situations in which you do not know what to say or do make you feel uneasy. In effect, you are not living spontaneously. Where does the difference between the typical BPD and the quiet variant come from? One possible explanation is Lynch and colleagues’ work on undercontrol versus overcontrol in clinical settings. In short, the majority of those affected by BPD (the typical syndrome) are undercontrolled. They are impulsive, erratic and dysregulated. Nonetheless, some people are overcontrolled; meaning that they are reserved, hard to engage, seemingly emotionally flat. Yet, their inner world is as tempestuous as that of the undercontrolled individuals. Treatment for QBPD At this point, we return to the statement made in the introduction. Unfortunately, the quiet variant of BPD is even more undetected compared to BPD as a whole. Why? It is simple — people living with the condition do not let it show. They rarely (if ever) seek help. They overcontrol. Why can't I make friends? How to help someone having a panic attack What is an introvert hangover? Nonetheless, even if it feels unnatural, if you recognise the symptoms mentioned above, it is vital for you to reach out. And if someone you know seems to be affected by QBPD, try pointing them out towards learning about the disorder and getting professional help to deal with it. “Unfortunately, the quiet variant of BPD is even more undetected compared to BPD as a whole. Why? It is simple — people living with the condition do not let it show. They rarely (if ever) seek help.” Unfortunately, not enough is understood about QBPD to determine which psychotherapy modality would work best. The following approaches were scientifically explored and are used in clinical practice for the treatment of BPD. In addition to psychotherapy, medication is sometimes prescribed. 1. Cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT) The basic principle of CBT is to work on modifying the thinking and behavioural patterns that are unhelpful and perpetuate the disorder. According to a systematic review of 45 studies, CBT is beneficial in treating personality disorders in general — and BPD in particular. The findings of another study confirmed that CBT could help decrease the symptoms, distress, anxiety, suicide ideation and dysfunctional beliefs typical of BPD. Quiet Borderline Personality Disorder can be treated 2. Dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT) DBT is one of the CBT modalities. It was developed specifically to treat BPD. In 2016 it was still the only empirically supported treatment for BPD. It targets the unstable sense of self, chaotic relationships, fear of abandonment, emotional lability and impulsivity (such as self-injurious behaviours). During the therapeutic process, the clients develop skills such as mindfulness, interpersonal effectiveness, emotion regulation, and distress tolerance. 3. Radically Open Dialectical Behavioural Therapy (RO-DBT) The previous two modalities are implemented in treating BPD in general. The quiet variant could also benefit from them, given that the core issues are shared across the syndrome. However, RO-DBT was developed specifically for disorders of overcontrol. The authors designed it to address difficult-to-treat mental health conditions. And yes, QBPD is difficult to treat. The approach focuses on developing mental flexibility, openness, healthy emotional expression and social connectedness. Take control over your QBPD Living with a quiet borderline personality disorder is not an easy thing to do. BPD is known to cause severe problems in the person’s relationship with themselves and the world. When you keep all those BPD emotions and thoughts within, pushing through the day can sometimes feel like Sisyphus work. I will not pretend quiet borderline personality disorder will go away in the blink of an eye for the sake of pep talk. However, you can learn to develop a psychologically healthier way of being. Adequate support and treatment can teach you how to rebuild your view of the world. With a change in your mindset, you can nurture close relationships with others based on empathy and respect. Although every personality disorder is a persistent companion, it does not have to determine your future. All you need to do is take one simple step now. Open yourself up to a fuller and richer life. Reach out. • Main image: shutterstock/Olga W Boeva happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Join free now and: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine ■ share and support in our happiness forum ■ Develop with free online Academy classes Authenticity | Empathy | Communication skills Written by Stanislava Puač Jovanović Stanislava Puač Jovanović has a master’s degree in psychology and works as a freelance writer and researcher in this area. Her primary focus is on questions relating to mental health, stress-management, self-development and well-being.

Is the intuitive thought process reliable, and can we quantify it? Sonia Vadlamani discusses forms of intuitive thinking and why implementing these can help us make better decisions. Perceiving an important lesson or a mysterious insight without any logical thought or reasoning being utilized –also known as intuitive thinking – has been prevalent in us humans since time immemorial. “There can be as much value in the blink of an eye as in months of rational analysis,” claims author Malcolm Gladwell. As a matter of fact, we often apply intuition alongside rationality, logical reasoning, and facts, while we are assessing a situation, even if we are unaware of it. What exactly is intuition? Intuition refers to responses or feelings that do not arise from deliberate reasoning or conscious thinking. The subconscious brain stores lessons and findings from our past experiences and attempts to recognize and retrieve these thought patterns in similar situations. These learnings are often lightning-fast and not logical at the outset but seem to occur from a deep-seated knowledge. “Intuition involves a sense of knowing without knowing how one knows,” states Dr Seymour Epstein, Professor Emeritus in Psychology at University of Massachusetts. Also known as a ‘gut feeling’ or ‘hunch’, intuition can play a crucial role in day-to-day choices as well as complex decisions, so that aunt with an uncanny foresight for predicting a tragedy or the friend who sometimes can spot incoming trouble when she meets your love interest, may in fact be relying on their intuition to make these decisions. RELATED: 7 ways to tap into your intuition Relying on intuition has saved me from physical harm and mental distress many a time. A few years ago I was returning with a group of friends from a road trip spanning several thousand miles. We debated whether to keep driving through the night to cover more distance, or to halt at an inn, so we’d be rested and refreshed when we started driving again in the morning. I usually rush through the return journey as I start missing home, but curiously my gut told me to avoid it this once. “Don’t drive tonight” was the specific answer I was hearing from within, and though surprised, I heeded it nevertheless. Intuitive thinking is our inner 'gut feeling' I didn’t quite understand the need to take a break in this manner, but somehow managed to convince my friends to do the same. In the morning, when we started driving afresh after a good night’s rest and a nourishing breakfast, we witnessed a massive accident on the bridge which was the only way out of the town. A sleep-deprived driver had tragically driven a bus off the bridge into the river the previous night, causing a traffic mayhem which had begun to clear only in the morning. If we had driven through the night, we’d be exactly there at the time of the accident. While we felt extremely sorry for those who’d been in the mishap, I was incredibly glad I listened to my inner voice. Intuitive thinking and cultures Interestingly, one’s tendency to trust their intuitive thought and the context it’s used for is warped in cultural and geographical influences. According to Gerd Gigerenzer, director at Max Planck Institute for Human Development, intuitive thinking is considered somewhat inferior to rational thinking and logical deduction in the North American and South Korean subcontinents. In contrast, a study by Emma E. Buchtel et al revealed that East Asians tend to favor intuitive reasoning more as compared to those from other regions in the world. In Japan, inner intuitive thought is encouraged as the primary reasoning method from a tender age and is honed with the guidance of masters. • JOIN US! Sign-up and connect with a caring, curious and spiritual community • Also, some religions value intuitive reasoning more than others. Religions like Hinduism and Buddhism inherently encourage intuitive reasoning, thus instilling personal qualities which help build authentic self, like awareness, mindfulness, staying in the present moment and meditation practices, etc. is prioritized. Researchers claim that we begin to develop and utilize intuition as early as from the age of six, when we are still in the second stage of development, also known as the stage of concrete operations. According to the Truine Brain theory, intuition may arise from near the pineal gland situated in the prefrontal cortex area in the brain, which regulates our emotions or affective system, in addition to granting us lessons or insights with inputs from morality and intuition. “Some religions value intuitive reasoning more than others. Hinduism and Buddhism inherently encourage intuitive reasoning, thus instilling personal qualities helping to build your authentic self.” Interestingly, while intuitive thought doesn’t really originate in the gut, the presence of a wide range of neurotransmitter microbes in the gut make it possible for us to register our emotional experiences in the form of gastrointestinal distress. This gut-brain connection enables us to often feel emotions like anger, fear and excitement, etc, in the stomach area, which is why we sometimes call intuitive thought as our “gut feeling”. The four types of intuitive thinking Researchers have theorized four kinds of intuitive thinking, each distinct and unique yet easily identifiable in most situations: 1. Mental intuitive thinking Mental intuitive thought suggests one’s ability to find the solution for a problem, without the need for deliberation or detailed analysis. This intuitive skill is commonly seen or ideal for professions which require quick decisions to be made, like firefighters, negotiation specialists, etc. In fact, the US Office of Naval Research devised an extensive study to investigate the scope of “spidey-sense” or mental intuitive thinking to enable naval officers to make quick and efficient decisions in high-pressure and chaotic circumstances. Likewise, seasoned stockbrokers and financial wizards value their mental intuitive abilities for recognizing favorable market patterns and making winning trading decisions, a skill they mostly attribute to years of experience and discipline. 2. Emotional intuitive thinking Emotional intuition refers to one’s ability to immediately sense someone’s emotional state and personality traits. Michelle Despres, Intuitive Medium therapist and the author of Intuitively You: Evolve Your Life and Mend the World, describes this feeling as “clairsentience” or the “Intuitive Act of Clear Sensing”. A keener emotional intuitive quotient could mean higher empathy levels towards others, which means that in addition to sensing one’s energy vibrations and understanding how they’re feeling, one can also view a situation from their perspective. Intuition relies more on the heart than the head shutterstock/BRO.vector 3. Psychic intuitive thinking Psychic intuitive thinking involves overcoming a problem during a crisis or choosing the best path forward in a difficult situation without putting any deliberate mental effort into it. Psychic intuitive thought can be useful for preventing negative influences, or in determining your social dynamics. 4. Spiritual intuitive thinking Spiritual intuition concerns one’s own self-awareness and experience rather than fact-based reasoning. This kind of intuition relates to one’s connection with the higher dimension and elevated awareness, and is closely related to the principles of Buddhism, which renders it an almost supernatural characteristic. “While intuitive input can be recognized with ease, it is difficult to describe and quantify it. However, the role of intuition in decision-making cannot be denied.” Research states that encouraging intuitive thought and relying on it can lighten our overall cognitive load and reduce the response time, allowing us to make decisions swiftly and more accurately. While intuition facilitates survival by offering quick responses in a situation, it can rely heavily on “cultural capital” or learning inputs specific to our cultural, political, moral, and social landscape. Therefore, it is imperative to counter intuitive thought with rational inputs to avoid bias or inaccuracy in our decision-making process. With sufficient practice over time and by putting your trust in intuitive thought process, it is possible to tap into your intuition to improve your decision-making prowess as well as to boost creativity. Is intuitive thinking measurable? Intuition played an important role in cognition for the greatest philosophers like Plato and Aristotle. Plato believed that intuition, be it supernatural or rational, entails the immediate perception of ideas. Albert Einstein, one of the greatest physicists known to the world, has been quoted extensively as stating, “The intuitive mind is a sacred gift, and the rational mind is a faithful servant.” Einstein maintained that his groundbreaking theory of relativity was a result of his intuitive thinking, even as it faced critical objection from the scientific community then. Despite extensive acceptance of the existence of intuition and its effect on decision-making, most researchers have largely been unable to quantify it. However, a recent study by Joel Pearson et al revealed that the impact of emotional intuition over one’s choices could be measured and quantified. Pearson concludes that intuitive thought or “nonconscious emotional information” can improve the quality of decision making, in addition to improving the speed of decision-making and accurate results. Takeaway: intuitive thinking Indeed, intuition is a complex phenomenon as it is embedded in knowledge and lessons drawn from past experience. While intuitive input can be recognized with ease, it is difficult to describe and quantify it accurately. However, the role of intuition in decision-making cannot be denied. When applied carefully in conjunction with logical reasoning, intuition can offer an extensive competitive edge for individuals, as well as organizations. • Main image: shutterstock/Max4e Photo happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free now to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ Develop with free online classes in our happiness Academy Dream Interpretation | Positive Psychology | Breathwork Written by Sonia Vadlamani Fitness and healthy food blogger, food photographer and stylist, travel-addict and future self journaler. Sonia loves to write and has resolved to dedicate her life to revealing how easy and important it is to be happier, stronger and fitter each day. Follow her daily pursuits at FitFoodieDiary or on Instagram.

A bad working environment, difficult colleagues, a heavy workload: many factors can cause us to feel overwhelmed in our jobs. Dee Marques suggests nine practical ways you can take back control and feel more content on the job. Life has been turned upside down over the past year or two. The frequency and magnitude of changes we’ve experienced can make us feel overwhelmed and incapable of handling the new situation. This applies to the world of work too, which has become a source of additional stress in recent months due to Zoom fatigue, new working environments and changing rules. Enduring high stress levels for a period of time can lead to burnout, so we need to understand why this happens and what can be done to stop feeling overwhelmed at work. What makes us feel overwhelmed at work? There are many factors that can make working life stressful. Do you recognize any of the following? The work environment If you’re back to your usual workplace, dealing with difficult colleagues or with new rules can become extremely burdensome. This can eat away at your enthusiasm and energy very quickly. Moreover, some companies have reduced their staff numbers and the remaining employees may feel overworked or without sufficient support. The heavier the workload and responsibilities, the more support you should get. But unfortunately, not all employers understand this. The realities of working from home When home becomes the workplace, the lack of boundaries can make it look like you’re always at work. A home office has its pros, but it can also make it harder to disconnect from your job and create the feeling that you’re never getting a break. Not only that, you may feel you have to juggle multiple responsibilities in a limited physical space (work, home life, family, etc.). Home office can make work overwhelming Lack of clarity Not understanding what you’re supposed to do can easily lead to burnout. This is common among employees who’ve recently switched to remote work, since this arrangement can lead to ambiguity or conflicting roles. As we discussed in a previous article, feeling purposeless is one of the reasons why people are unhappy at work. Unproductive time Sometimes you have everything you need to do your job, but too much of your time is spent in unproductive meetings. Collaboration is great, but it’s possible to overdo it, which leaves you feeling depleted. We all deal with these situations every now and then. Sometimes we’re better at handling the stressors onnected to them, but it’s also possible to reach a point where you feel you just can’t do it anymore. In other words: it’s important to differentiate occasional stress from burnout. You can take our stress at work questionnaire here. Nine ways to manage feeling overwhelmed at work 
If you're struggling to cope with your work and this is affecting your motivation or well-being, there are certain steps you can take to improve the situation: 1. Pinpoint the problem Take some time to think about what exactly is making you feel overwhelmed at work. Is it colleagues, the job itself, other commitments, or lack of organisation? Understanding what triggers the feeling can set you off in the right direction when looking for solutions. Keeping a journal can help with this. RELATED: How stressed are you at work? Find out! 2. Make a to-do list The very thought of having too much to do can be paralysing. Sometimes, writing down all your tasks and rearranging their priority level can help bring some relief and clarity so you don’t put all your energy into every single task. Having a written list can also help you stay away from the temptation to multi-task, since the list is a visual reminder that you can only do one thing at a time. 3. Work during peak productivity hours We don’t operate at 100 per cent every single hour of the day. Forcing ourselves to work on demanding tasks when we’re not at our most productive can easily make us feel overwhelmed at work. “Take some time to think about what exactly is making you feel overwhelmed at work. Is it colleagues, the job itself, other commitments, or lack of organisation?” Over the years and as I keep adding or removing tasks to my daily routine, I’ve had to rearrange my schedule based on the importance of tasks and my peak productivity hours. For example, I’m most active between 6 a.m. and 9 a.m., so I get my workouts and most challenging work done in that time frame. Although everyone is different, some studies agree that the majority of people do best in intellectual tasks in the mornings. 4. Balance focus and breaks Constant distractions and not taking breaks are two of the main reasons why people feel overwhelmed at work. According to research, it takes more than 23 minutes to get back on track after getting distracted. Suddenly, the end of the work day is there and you realise you haven’t got much done. If this happens often, burnout is guaranteed. • JOIN US! Sign up to learn more about meditation and mindfulness • The same applies to the other extreme: not taking breaks. The length and frequency of breaks vary from person to person, but you can experiment with the Pomodoro technique, taking micro breaks, or trying intermittent resting. Take small breaks and practise mindfulness at work to disconnect and recharge – 5. You don’t have to do it all Learning to delegate is difficult, but failing to do it can create that burdensome feeling of being overwhelmed at work. If you struggle with delegating, it can be helpful to challenge some common assumptions about it. For example, delegating work is not a sign of weakness and it doesn’t reflect poorly on your abilities. It doesn’t mean you avoid accountability or are trying to get away from doing something. Learning to delegate can relieve work stress shutterstock/ G-Stock Studio It’s also important to understand that delegating goes hand-in-hand with mentoring the person you’re delegating to. This can give you peace of mind, especially if you avoid delegating because you don’t think others can do the job to your standard. 6. The key to time management… … is learning to say “no”. No time management technique will alleviate the feeling of being overwhelmed at work if you keep piling things on your plate. If you say “yes” to everything, you’ll never have enough hours in the day. RELATED: How to show compassion at work This requires being honest about your workload and recognising your limitations, but don’t look at it as a defeat. Learning to say “no” is actually a statement of courage that shows you’re committed to your well-being. If you feel overwhelmed at work at want more free time, “no” is the way to freedom! I found this infographic very useful when deciding whether “no” is the best answer. 7. Set boundaries Saying “no” is a way of setting boundaries. But sometimes, you need to set physical boundaries too. This is easier if you work remotely. I’ve been working online since 2012, and I learnt quite early in the process that working from home has to be treated the same as working from an office. For me, that means having a definite space to work from and not working from the sofa or in bed. 8. A place to escape When my workload is higher than usual and I start feeling restless and overwhelmed at work, I retreat to my “cozy corner” for a 15-minute break. This is a small area in a landing where I’ve set up some cushions and a curtain of string lights. I got the idea from a book called The Little Book of Hygge, which talks about the importance of having places that make us feel comforted and secure. “Learning to say 'no' is a statement of courage that shows you’re committed to your well-being. If you feel overwhelmed at work at want more free time, 'no' is the way to freedom.” This can help counter the feeling of being overwhelmed at work, especially if you use the space to do breathing exercises or a short meditation session. 9. If all else fails It might be time to look for a new job. If you’ve done all you could and still feel overwhelmed at work, staying put will likely make the feeling worse. One of our blog posts talks about the importance of showing compassion at work, but remember that compassion can also be extended to yourself. What would you recommend to a friend who’s exhausted all their options and still feels burnt out? Chances are you would encourage them to explore other ideas and prioritise their well-being. So, why not be kind and compassionate to yourself too? You have tools to manage being overwhelmed Feeling overwhelmed at work is normal when there are changes to the work environment, to your role, or you’re juggling too many responsibilities at the same time. However, carrying this burden for too long can have a negative impact on your well-being. Don’t let that happen – you have tools to manage that feeling and become more comfortable with your work routine. And if you try all of the suggestions mentioned here and still feel something is wrong… it may be time to start looking for a new job! • Main image: shutterstock/FamVeld Are you feeling overwhelmed at work? How has the pandemic affected your worklife? Let the community know in the comments below... happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practice, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ self-develop with free online classes in our happiness Academy Anger management | Resilience | Leadership Written by Dee Marques A social sciences graduate with a keen interest in languages, communication, and personal development strategies. Dee loves exercising, being out in nature, and discovering warm and sunny places where she can escape the winter.

If you're feeling unhappiness in your work life, there are six things you need to find. Dee Marques explores how you can achieve them, becoming happier in the workplace and your career, while encouraging your colleagues to do the same. Work: we all need it, but given the chance, how many of us would willingly do it if we didn’t? Our work is the place where we often spend one third of our day, so how we feel about it can have a serious impact on our overall psychological well-being. But, as we'll see, unhappiness at work is actually commonplace. So, how we can change that? Studies confirm that being unhappy at work over a period of time is linked to feelings of hopelessness, depression, anxiety, stress and sleep problems, as well as higher chances of developing high blood pressure, heart disease, and digestive issues – so avoiding being miserable at work is a serious matter. However, sometimes we have to accept jobs we’d rather not be doing – the famous “but it pays the bills”. And, truth be told, few people would describe their work environment as being a truly happy place. Indeed, being dissatisfied and unhappy at work has become so common that finding joy in the workplace is almost seen as some sort of luxury. In fact, in the US, nearly half of the workforce claims to be unhappy at work, and the figure is almost identical in the UK, suggesting a happy workplace is uncommon. Unhappy at work? The 6 things you need to find What if achieving happiness at work was more than wishful thinking? If you find the going-back-to-work Monday Blues tends to extend over your entire working week, then read on for our six steps to achieving real happiness in your job. 1. Purpose Purpose is one of the most important factors when it comes to finding happiness at work. Indeed, purpose or meaning ranks high when it comes to achieving a joyful life in general, therefore it’s not surprising that the same applies to finding real happiness in your job, too. In fact, a feeling of purpose of life has been linked to higher motivation, commitment and productivity, all of which are positive emotional states that can contribute to happiness and, by extension, stop you being unhappy in your workplace. Purpose in careers, such as nursing, means happy work You can try to find purpose at work by thinking about what your job means when the greater good comes into the picture. If you're working in the 'helping' or 'saving' professions – a teacher, nurse, doctor, soldier, etc, then this shouldn't be difficult, but meaningful work isn't restricted to these types of professions. Sometimes it's not easy to discover the purpose in your work, but with just a bit of consideration, things become clear. Even work considered menial by others can have a greater purpose. For example, think about the people who built great European monuments, like cathedrals and bridges. Their work would have been physically demanding and they may not have loved it, but they built something that was enjoyed for many generations to come. If you're struggling to find meaning in your work, take some time to consider it more deeply. Furthermore, taking personal responsibility for your professional growth can also help you find meaning and purpose, so set your own goals and make sure they’re aligned with meaningful values. Indeed, if you can find an employer that shares your values, then you're on the way to becoming a happier employee. 2. Engagement Feeling that your work day is plagued by apathy, finding excuses to go on yet another coffee break, arriving late or leaving early, starting a task then jumping away to browse the web… do any of these things sound familiar? These are all signs of disengagement at work and should be addressed as they can lead to unhappiness, depression and even health-related issues. In fact, a 2015 Gallup survey shows that disengagement or feeling disconnected from work can lead to many health issues. For example, comparing engaged and disengaged employees in the United States, 56 per cent of the latter claimed to be stressed every day (compared with 36 per cent of those engaged), 23 per cent were more likely to be in pain (compared to 14 per cent), and 16 per cent more likely to be diagnosed with depression (compared to nine per cent). “A feeling of purpose has been linked to higher motivation, commitment, and productivity, all of which can stop you being unhappy in the workplace.” To stop this from taking away your chance of finding happiness in your career, try to find the source of disengagement. Maybe you feel that your skills are not used to the fullest, or you feel stuck in a rut. Set yourself some short and mid-term goals or new responsibilities and bring them up with your manager. When you do so, explain that you’d like to be challenged and do more for the company, as this is likely to be well received. 3. Kindness A kind workplace is a happy workplace, or has more chances of being so. Your relationship with coworkers is closely connected to overall job satisfaction, and if that relationship is strained or marked by hostility or competition, it can affect your emotions. This makes sense considering that you’re probably spending 40 hours a week – or more – in close contact. Staying engaged depends on your work satisfaction In fact, poor workplace relationships are one of the most common complaints and a leading cause of work-related stress and unhappiness on the job. It’s also worth mentioning that some studies have found that feeling lonely or isolated at work also has a negative impact on job performance. RELATED: Compassion at work Acts of kindness are an easy and quick way to build a positive work environment. Indeed, small gestures can go a long way. Going to the kitchen to make a drink? Make sure you ask your colleagues if they want anything too (and wipe clean the microwave while you're there, even if you didn't make the mess!). Heading on holiday? Bring a few treats back and leave them in the office kitchen or communal area. Small gestures of kindness create positivity and, in fact, boost productivity. “If you're unhappy at work, set yourself some short and mid-term goals or new responsibilities and bring them up with your manager.” Indeed, research from the Association of Professional Executives of the Public Service of Canada (APEX) showed that incivility has “profound implications on the level of energy, emotional engagement, and performance of work teams.” Its study found that teams in a respectful environment: Have 26 per cent more energy. Are 30 per cent more likely to feel motivated and enthusiastic about acquiring new skills and being exposed to new ideas. Express 36 per cent more satisfaction with their jobs and are 44 per cent more committed to their companies. 4. Flexibility The working world is becoming increasingly flexible with the growth of options like freelancing, working from home, job sharing, and the compressed working week. Of course, flexi-work comes with its pros and cons: key advantages include reduced commuting expenses and freedom to meet personal/family needs, while common downsides are learning to deal with distractions, isolation, and sticking to a schedule. However, importantly, flexibility at work can help achieve a good work-life balance and contribute to a happy workplace. Indeed, research studies have linked workplace flexibility to individual and team effectiveness, stress reduction, and greater commitment to the job. Balancing act: flexible working is on the up If you think more freedom and flexibility can help you can relieve your unhappiness at work, approach your employer to see how they feel about flexi-work, highlighting the benefits and your willingness to help create a happy workplace that is conducive to productivity. More and more employers are open to flexible working hours and realizing the potential it has for creating happy employees. Indeed, companies are now toying with the idea of introducing four-day working weeks, with some showing positive results in trials. There's emerging evidence that a compressed working week can boost both productivity and happiness in workers. For example, Pursuit Marketing in Glasgow, Scotland, switched 120 people to a four-day week in late 2016 and claims it has been key in a 30 per cent productivity rise. And in January 2019 the Wellcome Trust became the biggest UK employer to jump on the bandwagon when it announced it was considering switching 800 staff to a four-day working week. Let's hope this is one particular fad that catches on! 5. Appreciation Not feeling appreciated is one of the main reasons why people become unhappy and quit their jobs, as it can be both demoralising and frustrating. Not feeling appreciated at work can appear in many ways: your manager not paying attention to you, not being paid what you deserve, or not receiving credit for work (worse still: someone else taking credit for your ideas). Sometimes it can be the case that employers genuinely don't care about their employees, but it's better to first give the benefit of the doubt: often managers are so busy they haven't realised they've been neglecting you. If you're not feeling appreciated, you need to speak with them or human resources directly and ask for regular, six-month reviews to discuss how you're progressing in your role and the company. Kindness pays: be nice to colleagues and create a happy workplace Prepare well for your meeting and draw up a list of what you want to discuss and all your recent achievements (to jog your manager’s memory of your fantastic work), especially if you're going to ask for a pay rise. As well as discussing your strengths, do find out any areas where you can develop further. While you're waiting for your chance to shine, you can still show your appreciation for your coworkers, who may also be wondering how to be happy at work. This can help generate a more positive work atmosphere and create a happy workplace where people feel valued. The link between giving and happiness is well documented, since studies show that being generous increases personal happiness, and this includes giving intangible things like our time or appreciation for others. 6. Resilience Stress, uncertainty and unhappiness cannot be completely avoided in the workplace, so the best thing you can do is grow stronger to cope with professional setbacks. In other words, cultivate resilience. This doesn’t mean putting up with what you dislike, as this would only make you feel more disengaged, but rather to change your mindset. RELATED: Mindfulness at work Instead, focus on being adaptable and start practices like meditation and mindfulness, which can help you develop a more flexible frame of mind – the basis for resilience. In fact, any stress management technique can help build resilience, as you’ll be in control instead of letting workplace stressors take over your mood. You can also invest in activities that strengthen your inner self, whether than means going on a retreat, taking up yoga, or a creative hobby. Work and career unhappiness: final thoughts If you're struggling with feeling unhappy or miserable on the job, take your time to incorporate these six factors – which are some of the many building blocks of happiness – into your professional life. Take your time to work on purpose, engagement, kindness, flexibility, appreciation and resilience, and your efforts will pay off: finding happiness at work will also reflect in other aspects of your life. ● Main image: shutterstock/Pressmaster happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practice, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free now to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ self-develop with free online classes in our happiness Academy Stress management | Healthy habits | Burnout Written by Dee Marques A social sciences graduate with a keen interest in languages, communication, and personal development strategies. Dee loves exercising, being out in nature, and discovering warm and sunny places where she can escape the winter.

Authenticity can seem like a risky venture in the current screen-obsessed age, wherein we constantly strive to fit in and be accepted by others. Sonia Vadlamani explains why it’s necessary to let go of the fear of being judged in order to cultivate an authentic life. Being authentic in this technology-dominated era can be challenging, especially when we’re constantly bombarded with messages of who we ‘ought to be’, what we ‘should’ desire and how we ‘must’ express ourselves. Consequently, many of us have at some point portrayed ourselves as who we think we are or want to be perceived as, rather than representing who we really are. The downside of portraying who we aren’t is that we’re telling ourselves that the real or true version of us isn’t worthy of being seen. This constant fear of being judged or rejected can chip away at our ability to be our most authentic self. Why is it difficult to overcome inauthenticity? As children, most of us were taught by parents, teachers and other shaping forces like society and religion to ‘fit in’ or conform to a prescribed set of rules and practices. As a result, we ingrain beliefs, thoughts and emotions and exhibit behaviors which allow us to ‘blend in’ and be accepted, be it to form connections, find love or pursue success. This need to fit in and do as we’re taught is stimulated by our “Adaptive Self”, which primarily plays the role of helping us function and coexist in the society in a purposeful way. However, in our constant struggle to carve our niche in the society as we balance our inner-selves and our outer aspects, sometimes we tend to suppress or hide our true selves. This can prevent us from activating our “Authentic Self” and living a meaningful life in tune with our values and purpose. What does being your authentic self involve? “Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we are supposed to be and embracing who we actually are,” states Brené Brown, research professor at University of Houston. Brown has spent decades studying shame, courage and vulnerability. Authenticity can mean different things to different people, but in general it refers to the ability to live by our values, speaking our truth with assertiveness, and developing the courage to allow our true selves to be seen. Authenticity means embracing who you truly are Indeed, authenticity is a fundamental component of happiness. A study by Alex M Wood et al revealed that authenticity is an integral part of well-being. Being authentic can also improve self esteem as well as lower stress and anxiety. 8 ways to be your authentic self Discovering our authentic self is essential for happiness and forming meaningful connections. Reclaiming authenticity involves identifying our core values, letting go of borrowed notions of perfection, and changing our perspective to see vulnerability as an act of courage, instead of something to be avoided. Here are eight practical ways you can take steps to cultivate authenticity: 1. Identify your core values Creating a connection with our true nature is essential for building our authentic self. Start by identifying some values that are fundamental for you: which make you happy and which are the values you cannot absolutely compromise upon? Incorporating visualization meditation into your daily routine can help the process of value identification. For example, some of my core values for a happy and meaningful life are honesty and openness in relationships, kindness and empathy for myself and others, gratitude for the gifts I have in my life, along with constant learning for growth. Indeed, your core values arise from your own expectations, needs and experience, and need not be the same as anyone else’s. “Authenticity can mean different things to different people, but in general it refers to the ability to live by our values, speaking our truth with assertiveness, and developing the courage to allow our true selves to be seen.” Once you list down your core values, break each one down into three actionable steps that will help you live these values better. Since I value honesty and openness in my relationships I try to practise mindfulness, deep listening and forgiveness, so that I can live in closer alignment with my core values. 2. Start making conscious decisions Sometimes, we wade through the day in auto mode without even contemplating if our thoughts and actions resonate with our authentic selves. Try observing yourself keenly to learn more about how you react to challenges, what motivates you, the nature of your social interactions, etc. Notice which behaviors and settings evoke responses from your Adaptive Self, and which of these responses feel authentic to you. Once you’ve spotted the discrepancies between your actions and values, you can utilize this self-awareness to devise conscious statements and actions that resonate with your authentic self. 3. Devise and uphold your boundaries “To free us from the expectations of others, to give us back to ourselves — there lies the great, the singular power of self-respect,” as Joan Didion, the renowned American writer famously quoted. Cultivating authenticity requires us to give up the temptation to appease others and the need to behave in a way that makes us more likeable. Indeed, being your authentic self is not always easy, and living by your principles may require a few difficult conversations, a potential job switch, or even ending a friendship if necessary. RELATED: Uncomfortable truths – how to say 'no' However, by being honest about our boundaries, we’re indicating to our subconscious that it’s OK to not be perfect all the time, thus developing self-validation. Authenticity allows us to share our vulnerability with appropriate boundaries in place, ie, with people who have the same values as you, and those who you feel comfortable with. 4. Instill mindfulness Mindfulness can help you find happiness and contentment in the small joys that each day brings, thus boosting your mood and overall happiness levels. Additionally, being mindful allows you to observe and understand how you feel and react towards various stimuli in your environment. Keeping physical reminders of mindfulness quotes and practising mindful listening are some effective ways to improve self-awareness and slowly cultivate your authentic self. 5. Exercise compassion towards yourself and others Practising self-compassion allows us to be supportive, kind and accepting towards ourselves, in addition to boosting authenticity in relationships. That’s according to researcher Kristin Neff, who was the first to measure the construct for self-compassion. Practising loving-kindness meditation can prove to be an effective tool for reinforcing feelings of connection and kindness with oneself and others, thus aiding the development of one’s authentic self. Practising compassion unlocks authenticity shutterstock/imtmphoto 6. Embrace vulnerability We often shirk away from being authentic due to the fear of being potentially judged or getting distanced from people around us. Start by asking yourself what you are afraid may happen if you put yourself out there in a scenario that makes you feel vulnerable. Next, proceed to imagine what would happen if you avoided expressing your feelings or needs or asking for that raise that you think you undoubtedly deserve. Could the inability to share or express yourself potentially result in depression or self-sabotage? Thereupon, remind yourself why it’s important for you to live your authentic self by overcoming the vulnerability hangover. Further, you can formulate a rational approach or well-devised plan for expressing your feelings and needs, in a way that is in sync with your authentic self. 7. Practise letting go In her bestseller book The Gifts of Imperfection, Dr Brown reveals that letting go plays an essential role in cultivating your authentic self. While Brown’s research on shame and vulnerability largely reveal that most people allow their inhibitions to take over due to the fear of being emotionally exposed, she came across a group of outliers who reacted differently to such potentially uncertain situations. Dr Brown calls these outliers ‘the wholehearted’, and she named this way of living the ‘wholehearted living’. “Cultivating authenticity requires us to give up the temptation to appease others and the need to behave in a way that makes us more likeable.” According to her research, wholehearted living comprises of embracing imperfections and living life to one’s fullest potential, without letting the fear of other people’s opinions affect their beliefs and actions. Being your authentic self requires you to accept that what others think of you is none of your business, and cultivate the courage to let go of thought-patterns and limiting beliefs that no longer serve you. 8. Set goals for constant learning Developing a growth mindset and being open to self-improvement through ongoing learning can help you attain your authentic self at a sustained pace. Your goals need not just be related to the pursuit of wealth and success – in fact, research points out that non-materialistic life goals lead to happiness as surely – if not more consistently – than materialistic goals. An objective as simple as integrating awe into your daily life can inspire you to learn new things about yourself and life around you. Round-up: cultivating authentic self While we are conditioned from an early age to suppress or hide our authentic self, authenticity is essential for building a life that brings us meaning and joy. Examining our true self to develop authenticity can be a long and cumbersome process, but the rewards in terms of greater life satisfaction and improved relationships make it worth the effort. Main image: shutterstock/ESB Basic happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free now to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ Develop with free online classes in our happiness Academy Written by Sonia Vadlamani Fitness and healthy food blogger, food photographer and stylist, travel-addict and future self journaler. Sonia loves to write and has resolved to dedicate her life to revealing how easy and important it is to be happier, stronger and fitter each day. Follow her daily pursuits at FitFoodieDiary or on Instagram.

There have been plenty of feel-good health and environmental stories in the press during August. Ed Gould rounds up his Top Ten from the past month to uplift and inspire. Not all of the news stories that hit the front pages were what you might call positive in August. However, there were plenty of news items that were undeniably rosy in their outlook. If you missed some of the good things that happened in the last month, then read on to discover some of the positivity from around the globe that you may have been yearning for. 1. IKEA moves into renewable energies IKEA may be one of the most recognisable Swedish brands around the world but it hasn't been associated with renewable energy – until now. The home furnishings retailer has entered the domestic renewable energy market, according to numerous international reports. The idea is to supply energy from renewable sources to Swedish consumers and then to break out into other European markets. IKEA already sell solar panels for home installation. 2. Cheap device developed to help breathing problems The world has seen a big rise in respiratory problems since the pandemic took hold but a new device being trialled in Uganda could improve the lives of many sufferers. It's hoped that this relatively cheap system will help people with a wide range of respiratory conditions more effectively and with a much lower cost than the main alternatives. As reported in the Engineer, the device is likely to be of most benefit in the developing world which has limited resources available for such treatments. 3. Mindfulness reduces COVID-related stress A report published in Medical Xpress suggested that people suffering from the mental health fallouts associated with the pandemic saw better outcomes if they practised mindfulness techniques. A group of volunteers was asked to take part in a daily ritual of mindfulness through an app that lasted as little as ten minutes. Those people who did the sessions every day reported a happier mood than those who did not in the control group. Crucially, those who were happier reported being less affected by COVID-related news. Staying mindful is proven to reduce COVID stress shutterstock/maxpetrov 4. Could we charge electric vehicles as we drive them? One of the drawbacks associated with electric cars is that they need longer to charge than refuelling at a pump. However, if they could be charged while driving, that could be a game changer. According to the automotive press, a German firm has developed a type of concrete that can be used for road surfaces which will charge electric vehicles as they pass over it. There's already a test bed in operation over a stretch of road which charges cars wirelessly via coils embedded in the road. It functions well over a distance of a quarter of a mile and could soon be upgraded. 5. Ecological steel being used commercially Making steel comes with an associated high energy cost. It's a material that's incredibly useful but steel makers have long sought more environmentally sound ways of producing it. In August the Swedish carmaker Volvo accepted its first batch of so-called green steel from a producer in the country. As reported in the Guardian, a company called Hybrit has managed to make steel of a commercial grade without burning any coal and it's hoped this will become the new way many steel makers produce it in the future. 6. Thailand takes steps to protect rare coral reefs The Kingdom of Thailand has placed an outright ban on the use of certain sunscreens in the entire country. This is because certain chemical agents in some of these products are known to damage corals. Given that corals are largely endangered globally, the move could set a precedent in that other countries will now follow. According to a report in Oceanographic, oxybenzone, butylparaben octinoxate and 4-methylbenzylidene camphor are the banned substances. People who are found to be applying a sunscreen with the forbidden chemical ingredients could now face a fine of over £2,000. The move follows a similar one in force in Hawaii. Protection of Thailand's coral reefs is being stepped up shutterstock/solarisys 7. Robot filters plastic particles from beaches efficiently A new robot has been developed that's said to be able to pick up tiny fragments of plastic from sandy beaches at a rate that's around 30 times more efficient than collection by hand. The so-called BeBot works down into the sand to collect plastic and other rubbish that's on the surface and beneath. Making use of on-board solar panels to power it, the robot is semi-autonomous and controlled by an operator who can be up to 300 metres way. According to Design Boom, plastic parts as small as 1cm wide can be sifted from beaches using the bot. 8. Exercise impact greater on depression A report in Science Daily highlighted a scientific study into physical activity and depression in August. According to the findings of the research, exercising does more to the brain than merely releasing endorphins that give the brain a sense of neural reward. The German researchers have found that physical activity increases the brain's ability to change itself. Although it's long been known that exercise reduces the severity of symptoms of chronic depression, it now seems that it can have a more deep-rooted and long-term effect, as well. Exercise is a great anti-depression tool Syda Productions 9. Illegal trawling halted by art in Italy In a model that could be repeated around the world, illegal trawling by fishermen has been stopped in an Italian bay because a conservationist there has placed sculptures beneath the waves. According to the Telegraph, the move has encouraged a raft of sea life to return to the Tuscan bay. This, along with the underwater artwork, has made the area more attractive to divers. However, it's also meant trawlers have stopped using the bay to fish in because their nets cannot slide easily over the statues. 10. Innovative cooling technology developed A professor in California has developed a type of radiator panel that's able to create a localised cooling effect. Simply by installing them nearby, it's possible to drop the temperature by around 12 degrees Celsius, a significant difference. What's more, unlike conventional air-conditioning systems, the technology requires no external power source. It works passively, a little like the large ears of animals that live in hot parts of the world that are used to radiate heat away naturally. According to a report in the National Geographic, this system could be a big player in the fight against climate change. • Written by Ed Gould Ed Gould is a UK-based journalist and practitioner of Reiki.

Taking 10 minutes to meditate in the morning can set you up for a calm, compassionate and productive day ahead. Meditation practitioner Ann Vrlak explains why and discusses some morning meditations you can try out. Imagine what you could accomplish if you started your day alert, content and creative. On the other hand, imagine going out the door feeling overwhelmed, ungrounded and unhappy. If you find yourself stressed and rushed even before you get out of bed, morning meditation may be the perfect medicine for you. You can’t control what your day will bring, but you can ground your being and body in calm, clarity and compassion with morning meditation. And you don’t need an hour or even 30 minutes to do it. Setting aside as little as ten minutes, you can bring these qualities with you into your day. The importance of morning meditation In fact, many people specifically choose mornings for their meditation practice. Why? Because mornings are special. • JOIN US! Sign up to learn more about meditation and mindfulness • Firstly, you’re in a unique state when you first wake up. Your body, mind and soul are relaxed and receptive. Whatever you do first thing in the morning has a greater impact than at others time of day. Which do you think will lead you into a happier day? Listening to stressful world news and scrolling through your newsfeed or taking time to immerse yourself in self-care, quiet and acceptance? Also, many of us seem to wake up immediately into our to-do lists and our worries. That’s stressful. A short morning meditation will create a space for you to recognize and rest in your 'being' rather than in 'doing.' You will connect with being aware, being present; with whatever is here now for you. “You can’t control what your day will bring, but you can ground your being and body in calm, clarity and compassion with morning meditation.” Finally, on the practical side of things, mornings are often quieter. It can be a wonderful time to sit and rest in the silence inside you, free from distractions. The benefits of morning meditation A morning meditation routine will bring you all the usual benefits of meditation: Increasing self-awareness and self-compassion Strengthening empathy Decreasing anxiety and depression Rediscovering the spiritual dimension in your life Boosting well-being and happiness Improving concentration and attention Expanding creativity and problem-solving Increasing equanimity and fair-mindedness Quiet quality: peaceful mornings are great for meditation Furthermore, a meditation routine in the morning will give you these added, special benefits: Starting the day with compassion People don’t meditate to become good meditators, they meditate to become more self-aware, compassionate and happy, and to share these gifts with the people they care about most. When you start your day with these qualities, you’ll automatically bring them into your conversations with friends and family, your responses to things not going your way, your tasks at work and how you 'talk' to yourself. Starting the day calm and rejuvenated Meditation is like a massage for your nervous system. The calming and rejuvenating effects of meditation are now well proven. You can begin your day relaxed and content, focused and ready to meet whatever comes your way. Instead of your usual morning stresses, you can start your day with a positive, empowering experience. Tips for morning meditation Sounds good, right? If you’d like to give morning meditation a try, here are some tips to get started. Where and when With a bit of thought, you can easily find 10 minutes in your morning, wither by skipping your morning social media surfing habit or setting your alarm that little bit earlier. Depending on the type of meditation you choose, you can do your morning meditation routine almost anywhere: In bed Sitting in a quiet space in your home. On the train or bus on your morning commute .embed-container { position: relative; padding-bottom: 56.25%; height: 0; overflow: hidden; max-width: 100%; } .embed-container iframe, .embed-container object, .embed-container embed { position: absolute; top: 0; left: 0; width: 100%; height: 100%; } A sample 10 minute meditation YouTube/Goop Types of meditation There are many different types of meditation you can choose from to start with first thing to begin your day. There are practices that use your breath, concentration, body awareness, thought and emotions, as well as exploring your deepest sense of self. In fact, any practice that appeals to you can become your morning meditation. Here are a few of the most popular morning meditations. 1) Mindfulness meditation The core practice of meditation, mindfulness, can be a wonderful way to start your day. Mindfulness is paying attention to the present moment, as fully as you can, with kindness and curiosity. With mindfulness, you start your day with an openness and acceptance about whatever you’re experiencing: worry, happiness, planning or physical discomfort. Everything becomes part of a practice of simply being with yourself, in an accepting and caring way. 2) Body scan/embodiment meditations Body scan practices are a lovely way to rise up through sleep to wakefulness. You can, of course, do a body scan while you’re still in bed – you just need a bit of extra attention not to fall back to sleep! RELATED: Does meditation really work? Here's what science says Body scan practices guide you through sensing each part of your body in a sequence, from your fingertips, to your stomach, to your toes. Your body is more open in the morning, so this practice can be a great way to let your awareness soak into all parts of your body to feel energized and deeply present, while your mind takes a break. Watch our body scan meditation script video below to get started or click through to read more about this powerful and popular technique. .embed-container { position: relative; padding-bottom: 56.25%; height: 0; overflow: hidden; max-width: 100%; } .embed-container iframe, .embed-container object, .embed-container embed { position: absolute; top: 0; left: 0; width: 100%; height: 100%; } 3) Breath meditations Breathwork is a powerful choice for meditations in the morning. And there are a whole range of breath meditations, from those that create relaxation – such as conscious breathing – to those that increase mental focus and energy. So, you can choose one that best fits your needs in the morning: Equalized breath: sample morning meditation I’d like to show you how to do a simple breathing practice you can do at home or on your morning commute. The Equalized Breath will relax your nervous system and give you a stable 'home base' to come back to when your mind wanders. Don’t worry, everyone gets distracted. It’s not ‘wrong,’ it’s a key part of meditation practice. Find a comfortable sitting position and, if you can, let your eyes gently close. Take a minute to allow your body to really relax and take a few deep breaths. For this practice, adjust your breath so all four parts are of equal length. You count to four during your in breath, hold your breath to a count of four, exhale for four, and hold your breath out to a count of four. Then hold for four again. It’s really important not to strain. If four seconds feels too long, reduce it to three. And, if you can comfortably do longer, try for six seconds. The important things are: not to strain and to keep all four parts equal in length. And, when a thought, feeling or sensation distracts you, that’s OK. Just start again, breathing and counting, focusing on your breath. Do your best to be non-judgmental with yourself if your mind wanders off. Remember: mindfulness is watching ‘with kindness and curiosity.’ Kindness encourages you to open. Judgement closes you down. Morning meditations sets you up for the day shutterstock/Ekaterina Iatcenko Morning meditation may be the most powerful place for you to start exploring meditation. And, with ten (or more!) minutes of meditation during the AM, you will rest in a sense of being and presence, be kind and more accepting with yourself, and connect with silence and strength. Find a practice that appeals to you and try it for a week. Start your day with more calm, clarity and compassion and see how it makes you – and those around you – feel. ● Main image: shutterstock/Pro-stock studio Liked this? Then check out 5 strategies to help you develop a regular meditation practice. happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ learn with free online classes in our happiness Academy Gratitude meditation | 6 phase meditation Written by Ann Vrlak Ann Vrlak is Founder of OneSelf Meditation and a meditation practitioner for over 25 years. She’s a Certified Meditation Teacher for adults and for children (the best job ever!). She loves to share how the perspective and practice of meditation can support people with their everyday stresses and on their journey of self-discovery.

There have been plenty of feel-good health and environmental stories in the press during July. Ed Gould rounds up his Top Ten from the past month to uplift and inspire. July was a great month for good news stories. There were, of course, plenty of negative things to pay attention to in the news but that doesn't mean that the month was devoid of positivity and happiness. So, what were some of the happiest news items from the past month? Here's our Top 10 round-up... 1. Hydrogen used to power the Olympic Games The current Tokyo Olympics may have been delayed for 12 months but, according to Euronews, it will be one of the greenest games ever. That's because hydrogen is being used to power the event, a green technology that Japanese engineers have been pioneering. Although not all of the power consumed by hosting the games is derived from hydrogen, the idea is to showcase Japanese technology to the world. It's hoped that hydrogen, as a sustainable alternative to fossil fuels, could help the aviation and shipping industries to become carbon-free in the future. 2. Huge land donation augments the New Mexico wilderness A report in the Associated Press detailed how a donation of land will vastly augment the amount of wilderness that can be preserved in the US state of New Mexico. The Sabinoso Wilderness Area in the north of the state will become about 50 per cent larger than it previously was thanks to the generous donation. The area of nature, which covers part of the ancestral homelands of the Jicarilla Apache people will now become open to the public, since the donated land makes it much more accessible to locals. Elk, mountain lions, turkeys and bears all live in the area and will now enjoy a more protected habitat. 3. Wasps inspire new surgical technique The BBC reported that a team in the Netherlands has been studying wasps to help them come up with a new way of performing keyhole surgery. It seems that the success certain wasp species have with laying their eggs as parasites is ideal for being able to get inside the human body when scaled up. Researchers at the University of Delft have developed a new keyhole surgery method with a novel piece of apparatus that lowers friction on the patient's body. The instrument was only possible because of the observations the team made on the wasps as they laid their eggs. Wasps have inspired a new surgical technique 4. New commercial battery could lead to a green future An American firm, Form Energy Inc, announced in July that it has developed a new form of commercial battery that can store renewable energy until it's needed. Such technology already exists but this usually comes in the form of lithium-ion which has its own environmental cost. However, Form Energy Inc's approach is for a multi-day battery that uses iron-air technology. Capable of being charged and discharged multiple times a day, the company thinks its new batteries are scalable and can be used to help grids store excessive energy until such times when it will be called for. A report in Solar Builder magazine said the method could work without additional costs or sacrificing energy efficiency. 5. Madrid takes action on climate change The authorities in Madrid have decided to plant a forest of trees to help mitigate the effects of climate change on the city. According to Nature World News, the Spanish capital can become unbearably hot in summer which is why a ring of trees will be planted around the city. It is hoped that Madrid will stop trapping heat so much because of the canopy of protection the trees will afford. They will also help to make air quality in the city better as well as providing shade and a means of storing some of the carbon the city creates. RELATED: Forest bathing – 6 science-backed benefits 6. Mussels help to solve the problem of microplastics Plastic waste ending up in the ocean – and the food chain – is a big problem. In fact, smaller particles of plastic are even harder to get out of the world's seas than larger items. However, according to Food Navigator, mussels are able to process microplastics and, what's more, there appears to be no knock-on effect from them so doing. In test conditions, it was found that the sea molluscs could filter microplastics just like they do their main food, plankton. Furthermore, blue mussels effectively trap plastic in their waste which can then be collected much more easily by humans. Mussels could help clear up microplastics shutterstock/Kuttelvaservoa Stuchlova 7. Paralysed man's brainwaves interpreted by a computer It may sound like science fiction, but the brainwaves of people can now be read and interpreted by technology. According to a report in the Guardian, a paralysed man who cannot speak was able to communicate thanks to a computer understanding his brainwaves and converting them into sentences. A neurosurgeon at the University of California, Edward Chang, said that it was exciting to think people are now at the beginning of a new chapter in communication. It's hoped the technique will allow many people who cannot talk or write the chance to express themselves more freely with words. 8. Mindfulness is of benefit to families with children who have ADHD Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder is something that many families have to live with and it can be hard to treat in youngsters. However, a report in WebMD stated that research undertaken at Duke University in North Carolina showed that mindfulness training can help. Interestingly, according to the psychologists involved, mindfulness is not merely of benefit to the child who happens to have been diagnosed with the condition but to his or her family, as well. According to the researchers, mindfulness training helps both the child and the parents to self-regulate their responses to stressful situations. RELATED: Academy – free MBSR course 9. Indians plant millions of saplings A programme in India to plant millions of trees to help fight climate change and prevent desertification may not be unique but its scale is unprecedented. In July, 250 million saplings were planted in a single day, the second time such an astonishing figure has been reached in a single, 24-hour period. What's more encouraging, according to a report in the Independent, is that the survival rate for the saplings is approaching 80 per cent meaning that many of the newly planted trees are likely to make it to maturity, thereby storing lots of carbon that would otherwise be in the atmosphere. 10. Magic mushrooms can help with neural health According to numerous media outlets, including the Metro, a scientific study into so-called magic mushrooms suggests that new neural networks can be forged more easily by those who consume them. The psychoactive fungi help people with neural damage caused by depression to recover, the study suggests. The research was conducted at Yale University and the scientists involved think that the effects are not just profound but will prove to be long-lasting. • Main image: shutterstock/Luc Pouliot happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ develop with free online classes in our happiness Academy Positive news | Biotechnology | Nature | Biology Written by Ed Gould Ed Gould is a UK-based journalist and practitioner of Reiki.

Since the pandemic struck, angling has been reeling in more fans than ever. Dee Marques takes a look at how the mental and physical health benefits of fishing are catching on fast. The past year and a half has brought multiple changes to our lives. For many of us, this period has been a time for reflection, and some have decided to focus on self-care and pay better attention to their health and well-being. Indeed, during the past 18 months, you may have tried different strategies to stay in optimal physical and mental health. Fortunately, there’s always something new to try. And one leisure activity that's gained a whole host of new fans during the COVID crisis is fishing. In fact, according to the Guardian, the number of annual rod licence applications in England and Wales surged by more than 120,000 in 2020 – that's up a huge 15 per cent on the previous year, with a large increase in the number of women and families heading to the waterside. You may have never thought about trying it, but what about giving fishing a go? As August is National Fishing Month, let's discuss this popular leisure activity and discuss the health benefits of fishing – you may be surprised by some of them! Discovering the health benefits of fishing The health benefits of fishing are many and are both physical and mental. Indeed, there are plenty of reasons why spending some time by a lake or the sea trying to fish can nourish us. They include: 1. Life skills and identity support A UK study looked at the impact of recreational fishing in teenagers who took part in a week-long fishing camp. The findings suggest that fishing put to the test important skills, like patience and self-discipline. Outdoor therapies are used to increased resilience, since these activities support identity, self esteem and create a feeling of worthiness. For example, fishing gives us the ability to provide our own food. This can lead to a confidence boost because we realise we can satisfy some of our basic needs without depending on others. Among the psychological health benefits of fishing is confidence and the feeling of mastery; the ability to make progress and develop new skills, which is a critical factor in the development of self-esteem. 2. Reconnection with nature Like other outdoor leisure activities, fishing can help us reconnect with nature and carve a pathway to growth, restore balance, and learn about our inner self. According to nature-deficit theory, the changes in work arrangements and lifestyle mean we’re spending a significant amount of time indoors. Similarly, the biophilia hypothesis claims humans have a natural affinity for outdoor environments, and switching the balance around can address physical and emotional imbalances. 3. Positive mood Mood regulation and/or improvement is one of the key health benefits of fishing. People who enjoy fishing regularly often say they do it because it helps them forget worries, relieve tension and relax. Fishing can be a great family bonding experience This activity allows us to put distance between ourselves, the real world, and the stresses of everyday life. This momentary break leaves you feeling energised to go back to the daily routine, and is a mood booster to help you face life with renewed energy. And being an outdoor activity, you may also get to benefit from the mood-lifting effect of sunshine and vitamin D. Its health benefits include better resistance to disease, a reduced risk of developing bone related conditions and heart disease, mood stabilization and improvement of depressive symptoms. 4. Social connectedness After months of isolation, many of us feel the urge to be around others and satisfy the basic human need of connectedness. Indeed, the feeling of belonging is an important psychological prerequisite according to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. This is one of the main health benefits of fishing, since the need for social connectedness has been with us for our entire evolutionary history – and has contributed to our survival as a species. “Mood improvement is one of the key health benefits of fishing. People who enjoy fishing do it because it helps them forget worries, relieve tension and relax.” In fact, an active social life is linked to a strong immune system, better cognitive performance and fewer symptoms of depression. A day out fishing can provide an opportunity to spend quality time with friends or family, and can also be a socialisation strategy for introverts or those who don’t like crowds. 5. A space for reflection and healing Although many fishers and anglers enjoy the activity as part of small groups, conversely, fishing can also meet the need for solitude. Sometimes we have a strong need to be alone and process our feelings, and that’s one of the potential health benefits of fishing: it offers the right environment for that kind on inward reflection. Fishing requires focus, and for better or for worse, humans can’t really focus intently on more than one thing at a time. So, while you concentrate on fishing, you allow your brain to put other worries in the back seat. RELATED: The power of silence There can also be a healing element to fishing, as shown by a programme developed in the US to help disabled veterans and those suffering from PTSD. Veterans were taken fishing for the first time, and they reported that the activity helped them manage their emotions and find peace and passion for life. 6. Helps you stay active Sure, you can’t compare a high-intensity gym workout to a morning of fishing. But that doesn’t mean that fishing is a wholly sedentary activity. On the contrary, it can be a great low-intensity total body workout. Think about this: Getting to some fishing spots usually involves walking, carrying your gear, climbing over rough terrain or scrambling over rocks and boulders. Fishing doesn't mean just sitting by the shore doing nothing. You may need to wade into a river, pond or lake, and keep your arms moving by casting and reeling. Climbing over rocks or standing in moving water work the core and leg muscles, as well as testing your balance. So, fishing is perfect if you want to enjoy the physical benefits of staying active but don’t want an exhausting workout. The mental health benefits of fishing are many shutterstock/Andrey Yurlov 7. Stimulates creativity Depending on who you ask, fishing is an art or a science. Whatever the case, it’s never an exact art or an exact science. You’ll have great days and not-so-great fishing days, which will likely prompt you to get creative and think of possible solutions. “You can’t compare a high-intensity gym workout to a morning of fishing, but the activity can be a great low-intensity total body workout.” Maybe you’ll need to change bait, or experiment with different weather conditions or test new spots. Your equipment may break, so you’ll need to improvise and think outside of the box to see if you can fix it on the spot. It’s all a great way of developing creative problem-solving skills. The health benefits of fishing are more than just physical. 8. Improved concentration The great thing about fishing is that you can let your mind wander or you can focus hard on it. If you choose to focus, fishing can help improve concentration skills, which have been so vastly disrupted by the digital world. If you’ve been considering a digital detox, you can start with short detox sessions when you go fishing. 9. Chance to practise mindfulness Fishing can be a great alternative if you struggle with more formal or strict forms of meditation. Although it’s considered a sport, it’s also a hobby and there’s no need to stress about its competitive element. In fact, you don’t even have to fish anything. It can be about being there, enjoying the moment, taking in the fresh air, being in a natural environment and watching the water flow. Indeed, fishing can be an ideal setting to start a mindfulness practice, if you haven’t already done so. And why not consider listening to one of these mindfulness podcasts while you’re out by the water for that added sense of calm? • Main image: shutterstoch/AT Production happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practice, share Are you a happiness.com member? Join free now and: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine ■ share and support in our happiness forum ■ Develop with free online Academy classes Travelling | Forest bathing | Stress management Written by Dee Marques A social sciences graduate with a keen interest in languages, communication, and personal development strategies. Dee loves exercising, being out in nature, and discovering warm and sunny places where she can escape the winter.

Science suggests that mind-wandering freely to more pleasant and playful thoughts may improve our mood and foster creativity. By Jill Suttie on behalf of Greater Good Science Center. I’m a big believer in daydreaming now and then — especially when I’m out hiking. There’s something about being in nature that helps me let go of daily cares and allows my mind to wander where it will, which feels great and often jumpstarts my creativity as a writer and musician. 
I admit, though, I’ve been troubled by research showing how mind-wandering could make me less productive or depressed — the last thing I need! But it turns out this gap between personal experience and science may best be explained by how researchers have lumped together different kinds of mind-wandering. Not all research has differentiated between depressive rumination (like replaying an ongoing disagreement with our spouse in our minds) and pleasant daydreaming (letting our minds wander freely). RELATED: How to stop ruminating with these 3 tcehniques Now, some newer science is painting a more nuanced picture of what happens to us when we let our minds wander. Though the research is young and growing, it suggests that daydreaming may actually make us happier and more creative — if we do it the right way. Daydreaming may be good for creativity Anecdotally, mind-wandering has been associated with creativity for centuries. But this link to creativity may depend on the type of mind-wandering you do, as a new study by the University of Calgary’s Julia Kam and her colleagues suggests. In this study, researchers used electroencephalogram technology to see what happens in our brains when we are engaged in different types of mind-wandering. To do that, they had people perform a mundane, repetitive task and interrupted them occasionally to see what they were thinking about, while continuously monitoring their brain activity. Some participants reported thoughts that Kam calls “constrained,” involving things like ruminating over a fight with a spouse or thinking about how to manage a work problem. While these thoughts were not related to the task at hand, they were still somewhat focused. Others reported thoughts that were “freely moving” — meaning, they skipped from thing to thing — perhaps daydreaming about a future vacation in Italy, then wondering if they needed a new bathing suit, then fantasizing about an old flame. Studies suggest daydreaming could make us happier shutterstock/HBRH When Kam and her colleagues matched people’s thoughts to their concurrent brain activity, they found signature patterns for different types of mind-wandering. In particular, freely moving thoughts were associated with increased alpha waves in the brain’s frontal cortex — a remarkable and novel finding, says Kam. “What’s really striking about finding this neural marker is that it’s been implicated during studies of creativity,” she says. “When you introduce alpha oscillation in the frontal cortex, people perform better on creative tasks.” This kind of brain activity maps well on to one particular aspect of creativity — divergent thinking or thinking “outside the box,” she says. When you’re generating ideas, you want to be able to go in many directions and not be constrained, which freely moving thought allows. Mind-wandering has also been shown to enhance convergent thinking: what happens after you’ve brainstormed ideas and have to pick the best of the bunch, she adds. So, it’s likely that mind-wandering serves a creative purpose. “If a problem has built up in your mind and you need to find a solution, letting it go into the background for a bit probably helps,” she says. “Mind-wandering facilitates the kind of solution that just comes to you, as in a lightbulb moment.” “The research is young and growing, but it suggests that daydreaming may actually make us happier and more creative — if we do it the right way.” This mirrors results from a 2015 study conducted by Claire Zedelius, formerly of the University of California, Santa Barbara. She looked at how mind-wandering affected people’s performance on a creativity test where they have to come up with a novel word (e.g., “food”) that fits with three seemingly unrelated words (e.g., “fish, fast, and spicy”). She found that people who mind-wandered performed better on this task, the answer coming to them in a flash rather than through methodically testing different solutions. “People don't even know how they got to the solution — it was just suddenly there,” she says. “Mind-wandering helps with ‘aha’ types of problem-solving.” In a more recent study, Zedelius looked at the contents of people’s thoughts to see how that related to everyday creativity (outside of a lab setting). Participants, including some creative writers, were prompted via cell phones throughout the day to report on the nature of their thoughts and, at the end of the day, how creative they had been. Findings showed that people’s minds often wandered to fairly mundane things — like planning for a later shopping trip — and that these thoughts had no effect on creativity. But when people’s minds wandered in more fantastical ways (playing out implausible fantasies or bizarre, funny scenarios, for example) or in ways that seemed particularly meaningful to them, they tended to have more creative ideas and feel more inspired at the end of the day, too. Interestingly, this was true for both writers and everyday people. “Writers probably do this for their creative process all the time — thinking through stories, considering ‘what ifs’ or unrealistic or bizarre scenarios,” says Zedelius. “But lay people will also do this more to be more creative.” This suggests that the link between mind-wandering and creativity is more complicated than previously thought. It seems to depend on how freely moving your thoughts are, the content of your thoughts, and your ability to be removed from everyday concerns. No doubt, this explains why my daydreaming on a hiking trail has led to song or story ideas that seem to bubble up from nowhere. Mind-wandering can help boost our mood Prior research suggests a wandering mind is an unhappy mind: we tend to be less happy when we’re not focused on what we’re doing. And that’s likely true, if you tend to rehash past mistakes or replay social flubs when your mind wanders, or if your mind-wandering keeps you from fulfilling your goals. Again, the content of wandering thoughts makes a big difference. For example, as one 2013 study showed, when people found their wandering thoughts more interesting, their moods actually improved while mind-wandering. Similarly, other studies have found that thinking about people you love or thinking more about your potential future than about what happened in the past produces positive results. Mind-wandering could make us more creative shutterstock/fizkes How you use mind-wandering may also be important. In some cases, people intentionally mind-wander — something that has been mostly unexplored in the research, but likely has distinct effects. As one 2017 study found, people who use daydreaming for self-reflection typically have more pleasant thoughts than people who simply ruminate on unpleasant experiences. 
 There is even some evidence that mind-wandering may be more of an antidote to depression than a cause. People who are depressed may simply replay events from their past to better understand what happened to cause their dark mood and avoid future problems. Also, when researchers studied whether a negative mood preceded or followed a mind-wandering episode, they found poor moods led to more mind-wandering but not vice versa, suggesting that mind-wandering may be helping people feel better. RELATED: Art for depression Now, findings from a 2021 study suggest that mind-wandering that is more freely moving can actually improve your mood. In this study, participants were prompted randomly via cell phone over three days to report how they were feeling (positive versus negative) and how much their thoughts were freely moving and related to what they were doing (or not). After analyzing the data, the researchers found that when people’s thoughts were off-task, they generally felt more negative — similar to what earlier findings showed. But if their thoughts were free-moving, it had the opposite effect, helping people feel happier. “Our findings suggest there might be positive aspects of mind-wandering,” the researchers conclude. Again, I find that science supports my own experience. If I simply put myself in a space that lets my mind move freely, I don’t get depressed. On the contrary, I’m happier because of it. Can we be better mind-wanderers? While the research on this is still young, it does indicate there may be a right and a wrong way to mind-wander. Kam warns that mind-wandering when you need to be focused on a task (or risk hurting yourself or others — like if you’re driving or doing surgery) could be problematic. But, she says, if you let your mind wander when you’re doing mundane tasks that don’t require focus — like knitting or shelling peas – it may help you feel better or come up with creative ideas. “The context and the content of your mind-wandering is actually really important. It plays a role in whether you get a good outcome or a not-so-good one,” she says. Though many of us have a default mode that takes our mind to dark places when we aren’t busily engaged, that doesn’t mean we have to stay stuck there. If we can divert our thoughts from those darker places, we’ll likely get more out of mind-wandering. “'The context and content of your mind-wandering is really important. It plays a role in whether you get a good outcome or a not-so-good one.'” Kam thinks practising mindfulness could help with that, as long as it increases awareness of our thoughts and alerts us when we’ve strayed into problematic thinking, which could then help us redirect our mind-wandering. “Just having more control over when mind-wandering happens and the kind of thoughts that you have would be very useful,” she says. Zedelius also says awareness matters. As many study participants told her, they had never paid much attention to where their minds went before being in her study, but found the process eye-opening. “They would say, ‘I’ve become aware of patterns in my thoughts that I never noticed before — what I get drawn to,’” she says. “It makes me wonder if the repeated probing we do in our experiments could not just be used as a measure, but as a type of intervention, to see if awareness changes over time.” Of course, even though daydreaming may be good for us, it gets a pretty bad rap in American culture. Americans tend to pride themselves on their strong work ethic — often translated as working hard for long hours with complete focus. But people are not built to be “on” all of the time. Taking a mind-wandering break might be good not just for our creativity and happiness, but also for our productivity, especially if we are in jobs requiring focused attention that is draining to maintain. And, as long as it’s employed during times when complete focus isn’t required, it may improve our well-being without hampering performance. We shouldn’t need an excuse to mind-wander, given that it’s part of our human inheritance. Besides, we’ve hardly begun to recognize what it can do for us, says Zedelius. “My hope is that people will explore the limits of mind-wandering a bit more and try to mind-wander in a way that is bigger, more fantastical, more personally meaningful, and further into the future,” she says. “If people just really allowed themselves to playfully use this tool, they might be able to focus on creative solutions to big problems.” • happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practice, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ learn with free online classes in our happiness Academy Work life balance | Painting | Poetry Written by Greater Good Science Center This article originally appeared on Greater Good, the online magazine of the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley. happiness.com is honoured to republish them with the kind permission of the Greater Good Science Center. greatergood.berkeley.edu