Search the Community

„Panikattacken sind erschreckend und lähmend“, erzählt Calvin Holbrook, der selbst früher oft unter den Angstzuständen gelitten hat. Heute hat er Möglichkeiten gefunden, mit Angst und Panik umzugehen, und gut damit zu leben. Calvin hier seine zwölf Tipps vor, die auch dir helfen können, besser mit diesen belastenden Situationen umzugehen Was ist eine Panikattacke? Man versteht unter einer Panikattacke das plötzliche Auftreten starker Angst. Also das Auftreten einer körperlichen und psychischen Alarmreaktion ohne klaren äußeren Anlass. Panikattacken legen sich normalerweise nach fünf bis zehn Minuten, obwohl manche PanikattackenSymptome auch länger anhalten können. Ist den Betroffenen nicht klar, dass es sich um eine Panikattacke handelt, kann das die Angst und Panik weiter steigern. Treten Panikattacken regelmäßig auf wird von einer Panikstörung gesprochen. Wie äußert sich eine Panikattacke? Eine Panikattacke als solche zu erkennen ist der erste und wichtigste schritt mit ihm umzugehen zu lernen. Die Symptome einer Panikattacke sind vielseitig und leiten sich aus der Stressreaktion des Körpers ab. Zu den Symptomen zählen Atemnot, Engegefühl in Brust und Kehle, Hyperventilation, Herzrasen, Schweißausbrüche, Zittern, Schwindel, Übelkeit, Erbrechen, Angstgedanken („Das ist ein Herzinfarkt“, „Ich werde ersticken“, „Jetzt sterbe ich gleich“, „Ich werde verrückt“). [1] Panikattacke Soforthilfe: Was tun bei einer Panikattacke? "Seit ich meine erste Panikattacke hatte, habe ich viel gelernt. Ich weiß jetzt besser, was ich tun kann, wenn die Panik in mir hochsteigt und ich weiß, wie ich weitere Attacken verringern kann. Ich habe inzwischen einige Jahre Erfahrung damit. In dieser Zeit ist es mir gelungen, Techniken zu entwickeln, mit denen ich unangekündigte Panikattacken (und sie sind meistens unangekündigt!) bewältigen kann. Seit ich ein paar Dinge in meinem Leben geändert habe, habe ich tatsächlich bemerkt, dass ich weniger Panikattacken habe. Meine zwölf Tipps gegen Panikattacken sind wissenschaftlich belegt und vorallem wirken sie bei mir. Sie können auch dir helfen, wenn eine Panikattacke eintritt oder wenn du deine Angstzustände besser in den Griff bekommen willst." 1. Anerkennung und Akzeptanz der Panikattacken Als Erstes muss man lernen, die Panikgefühle und dass sie sich möglicherweise zu einer echten Panikattacke entwickeln werden, zu akzeptieren. Versuch deshalb nicht, die Gefühle zu ignorieren oder zu unterdrücken. Das bewirkt meistens eher das Gegenteil: Je mehr dein Widerstand gegen die Panik wächst, umso schlimmer ist dann oft das Ausmaß der Panikattacke. Stattdessen hilft es, sich einzugestehen, dass die Gefühle von Angst und Panik da sind. Sich ins Gedächtnis zu rufen, dass man solche Situation vorher schon mal erlebt hat und dass es einem wieder gut gehen wird, sobald die Angst nachlässt, beruhigt während einer Panikattacke sehr. 2. Weglaufen ist keine Lösung Während einer Attacke hat man oft das Gefühl, dass es helfen würde, wenn man so schnell wie möglich flüchten würde: Nach Hause, an den Ort, an dem man sich sicher fühlt. Das ist leichter gesagt als getan. Manchmal ist es besser, die Panikattacke an Ort und Stelle auszuhalten und sich an einen möglichst ruhigen Platz in der Nähe begeben. Wenn man sich beispielsweise auf einer vollen Einkaufsstraße befindet, sollte man versuchen, auf eine ruhigere Seitenstraße mit weniger Menschen auszuweichen. Das Wegrennen vor einer Panikattacke kann sogar dafür sorgen, dass das Gehirn eine Verbindung zwischen dem Ort und der Attacke herstellt. Das ist insofern problematisch, als dass daraus eine Angst entsteht kann, am selben Ort wieder Panikattacken zu bekommen. 3. Tiefes Atmen aus dem Bauch Das ist die wichtigste Methode, um Angstzustände zu meistern. Richtig angewendet, kann diese Atemtechnik die physischen Symptome der Panikattacke wie Hyperventilieren, Engegefühl in Brust und Kehle, Herzrasen, Schweißausbrüche, Zittern, trockener Mund und Schwindelgefühl mildern. Und so geht es: Sieben Sekunden langsam und tief durch die Nase einatmen bis in den Bauch. Weitere sieben Sekunden die Luft anhalten. In den nächsten sieben Sekunden die Luft langsam durch den Mund ausatmen und dabei direkt aus dem Bauch drücken. Durch diesen Schritt wird der niedrige Kohlendioxidgehalt im Blut, der während dem Hyperventilieren entsteht und für viele der körperlichen Symptome von Panikattacken verantwortlich ist, ausbalanciert. Diesen Schritt durchzuführen ist der entscheidende Punkt (übrigens muss man dafür nicht in eine Tüte atmen). 4. Achtsamkeitsübungen Als ich kürzlich eine Attacke hatte, saß ich mit dem Kopf zwischen den Beinen zusammengekauert auf einer Treppe. Während ich da saß und tief atmete, krabbelte eine sehr kleine, grüne Raupe zwischen meinen Beinen. Es klingt albern, aber meine Konzentration auf dieses kleine Tierchen zu lenken, half mir aus meiner Notsituation heraus! Sich auf die Umgebung zu konzentrieren und ins Hier und jetzt zurückzukehren, ist eine große Hilfe bei Panikattacken. Achte auf das, was du sehen oder hören kannst, während du mit deinen Atemübungen weitermachst. Vielleicht hilft es, in den Himmel zu schauen und die vorbeiziehenden Wolken zu beobachten. Oder sich auf die vorbeilaufenden Menschen zu konzentrieren, oder sich einfach die Gerüche und Geräusche der Umgebung bewusst zu machen. Achtsamkeit kann die Gedanken von der Panik befreien. “Die beste Art, die Vorstellungskraft zu verwenden, ist Kreativität. Die schlechteste Art, die Vorstellungskraft zu verwenden, ist Angst.” Deepak Chopra 5. Beruhigende Musik Musik kann sehr beruhigend sein. Wenn du deine Entspannungsmusik also am Handy oder am Laptop jederzeit griffbereit hast, kannst du auf die helfende Musik zugreifen, wenn du sie brauchst. Der Musiker Moby hat viele Jahre unter Panikattacken gelitten und deshalb eigens ein Album aufgenommen, das ihm ein Gefühl der Ruhe und Entspannung gibt. Das Album kann kostenlos heruntergeladen werden und hat mir schon mehrfach während Panikattacken geholfen, mich schneller zu beruhigen. Es hilft mir auch vor dem Schlafengehen, um mich zu entspannen und einzuschlafen. 6. Und dann nochmal alles von vorn! Während einer Attacke kann es manchmal vorkommen, dass man sich schnell besser fühlt - nur um dann von einer weiteren Welle der Panik erfasst zu werden. Wenn das der Fall ist, wiederhole die obigen Übungen, bis die Attacke vorüber ist. Nach einiger Zeit wirst du dann wieder den Normalzustand erreichen. Wie man die Anzahl von Panikattacken reduziert Auch wenn viele Angstattacken richtig kacke sind: Je mehr man hat, desto einfacher erkennt man die Ursachen, aus denen sie sich entwickeln. Panik und Angst entwickeln sich auf vielen verschiedenen Gründen - abhängig von deinen persönlichen Umständen - aber die Wissenschaft und viele Studien zeigen, dass es bestimmte Auslöser gibt, die zu den Angstattacken führen können. Vor diesem Hintergrund solltest du die folgenden Wege betrachten, die die Anzahl deiner Panikattacken verringern können. 7. Tschüss Koffein... Kaffee trinken ist wie Benzin auf die Angst schütten und beobachten, wie alles in Flammen aufgeht. Dieses anschauliche Bild belegen auch zahlreiche Studien. Daher sollte auf die Aufnahme von Koffein vollständig verzichtet oder der Konsum zumindest auf ein Minimum reduziert werden. Vergiss nicht: Auch Tee, koffeinhaltige Softdrinks und Schokolade enthalten Koffein und müssen vermieden werden. Die American Psychiatric Association [2] sieht auch den Koffeinrausch als diagnostizierbaren Zustand an, zusammen mit koffeininduzierter Angst- und Schlafstörung. Dem Koffein zu entsagen kann schwer sein. Schrittweise Reduzierung des Konsums kann helfen, das innere Koffein-Monster im Zaum zu halten. Ich persönlich beschränke mich auf eine Tasse am Tag. An manchen Tagen dürfen es auch zwei sein, wenn ich zum Beispiel besonders müde bin. Statt Koffein kann ein Umstieg auf Kräutertees erwägt werden. Kamille reduziert Angstzustände und bekämpft außerdem Depressionen (stillt aber leider nicht das Verlangen nach Koffein). 8. …und Tschüss, Alkohol! Auch zwischen Alkohol und Angst gibt es einen starken Zusammenhang. Alkoholmissbrauch kann zu Angststörungen oder Attacken führen. [3] Manchmal ist es ein Teufelskreis, der durchbrochen werden muss: Wer versucht, seine Ängste durch Alkohol zu betäuben, wird darin keine dauerhafte Lösung finden. In meinem Fall führte das abendliche Trinken von Alkohol oft zu Panikattacken am nächsten Morgen. Besonders dann, wenn ich nicht viel gegessen hatte. Was ein guter Übergang zum nächsten Punkt ist... 9. Den Blutzuckerspiegel konstant halten Wenn der Blutzuckerspiegel unter das normale Level fällt, gibt der Körper das Hormon Adrenalin ab. Das ist hilfreich, denn dadurch wird der Blutzuckerspiegel wieder erhöht. Adrenalin hat aber auch noch eine andere Funktion, die weniger willkommen ist: es kann auch Angstzustände auslösen. Aus diesem Grund ist es wichtig, den Blutzuckerspiegel stabil zu halten. Regelmäßige Mahlzeiten sind daher unumgänglich. Für die Zeiten zwischen den einzelnen Mahlzeiten sollten gesunde Snacks wie Obst und Nüsse bereitgehalten werden. Auch eine Ernährungsumstellung auf Nahrungsmitteln mit einer konstanten Abgabe der Energie in den Blutkreislauf ist hilfreich. Dazu zählen Fisch, Naturreis oder grobkörniges Brot. 10. Finger weg von Partydrogen Natürlich können Drogen wie Kokain oder Speed (Amphetamine) kurzfristig ein euphorisches Hochgefühl erzeugen. Aber nur für eine kurze Zeit. Sobald die Wirkung nachlässt oder auch wenn eine zu große Menge eingenommen wurde, können Angstattacken besonders mächtig und schnell zuschlagen. Außerdem belegen zahlreiche Studien, dass Partydrogen, vor allem Amphetamine, zu Panikattacken und anderen Angststörungen führen können. [4] 11. Reduzierung des Stressniveaus Stress und Sorgen sind in der modernen Welt allgegenwärtig, aber es gibt Wege, um Stress zu vermeiden. Besonders für Menschen, die Dauer-Grübeln, sich zu viele Gedanken über die Vergangenheit oder die Zukunft machen oder durch ihren Job erschöpft sind, sollten für ausreichend Entspannung sorgen. Erstens ist es unerlässlich, in Bewegung zu sein. Die Vorteile in Bezug auf Angstzustände und Depressionen sind bewiesen. Einigen Studien zufolge kann regelmäßiges Training ebenso gut zum Rückgang der Symptome von Angststörungen und Depressionen helfen, wie Medikamente. [5] Wem es gelingt, Schwimmen, Laufen oder Yoga in seinen Tagesablauf einzubauen, wird die Vorteile schnell bemerken. 12. Sprich mit deinem Hausarzt Mit Panikattacken zurechtzukommen ist nicht immer einfach. Es ist wichtig, dass der Hausarzt über die Probleme informiert ist. Zunächst sollte er feststellen können, dass die körperlichen Symptome durch die Angst entstehen und keine noch ernsteren Auslöser haben. Dies kann sehr beruhigend sein, besonders dann, wenn man besorgt ist, beispielsweise ein Herzproblem zu haben. Neben der Veränderung des Lebensstils kann der Hausarzt auch durch das Verschreiben von angstlösenden Medikamenten und durch die Überweisung in einer Gesprächstherapie (zum Beispiel eine kognitive Verhaltenstherapie) dazu beitragen, dass der Umgang mit Panikattacken erleichtert wird. Die Mischung dieser drei Komponenten ist ein kraftvoller Ansatz, um Angst und Panik direkt anzugehen. Ich wünsche dir viel Glück, und möchte dir als Rat mitgeben: Es ist möglich mit Panikattacken umzugehen. Du kannst lernen sie zu meistern!" Lebst du mit Panikattacken oder Angstzuständen? Welche Methoden helfen dir am besten damit umzugehen? Teile deine Gedanken doch im happiness.com Forum. Quellen: [1] https://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Panikattacke [2] https://www.apa.org/gradpsych/2015/11/coffee.aspx [3] https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK64178/ [4] http://www.nationaldrugstrategy.gov.au/internet/drugstrategy/publishing.nsf/Content/FE16C454A782A8AFCA2575BE002044D0/%24File/m716.pdf [5] https://adaa.org/living-with-anxiety/managing-anxiety/exercise-stress-and-anxiety Geschrieben von Calvin Holbrook Calvin ist Journalist und der Editor des englischen happiness Magazins, Künstler und Liebhaber von alten Dingen. Er liebt es zu Schwimmen, macht Yoga und tanzt gerne zu House- und Techno-Musik. Hier erfährst du mehr über ihn.

Many forces undermine efforts to help men to empathize with women and speak out against harassment and assault. Elizabeth Svoboda – on behalf of Greater Good Science Center – gives some ideas for overcoming them. At January’s Golden Globe awards, women seized the #MeToo moment in a big way. Nearly every actress in attendance wore black to signify support of sexual assault survivors and some spoke about their commitment to ending harassment and assault. Oprah Winfrey gave a barn-burning speech celebrating women’s dignity that led to some loose talk about her running for president. This backdrop of female solidarity made men’s silence suddenly visible. “Standing by like accessories,” wrote Claire Atkinson of NBC News, “men at the awards show failed to use the spotlight to bring attention to women’s inequality and the power of speaking up.” Though a few men did sport “Time’s Up” pins, something held almost all of them back from voicing that support openly. What was that force? While some might have consciously wanted to yield the stage to women at the Golden Globes, that doesn’t explain why so few later released statements in support — or why we don’t see much wider movement among men against sexual harassment and assault. Women are more than twice as likely as men to report being sexually harassed. It stands to reason that the people who are most negatively affected by a behavior are most likely to speak out against it. There are bystander training programs, such as Hollaback!, that help motivate people to act against harassment even if they are not members of frequently-targeted groups. However, efforts to teach men to empathize with women and intervene against harassment can be undermined by masculine ideals that put “bros before hos,” to quote one common expression. “The role of masculinity in some ways functions to retain structures of sexism,” says Emily May, Hollaback’s executive director. “There are questions that arise: If you’re not objectifying women, does that mean you’re less of a man?” Even empathic men who consciously reject negative ideals may — like many women — just not know what to do in the face of harassment and assault. Activists and researchers alike say mobilizing men will require spreading awareness about ways they can best intervene in fraught harassment situations. Actor Mark Ruffalo tweeted his public support to women at the Golden Globes Above all, would-be interveners must be willing to risk vulnerability and put themselves on the line. “Courage is what’s needed most right now,” says Mike Dilbeck, founder of the Response Ability project, who teaches workshops on how to intervene effectively. What stops men from taking a stand? The women and men at the Golden Globes are the stars of Hollywood movies. Watch one of those for ten minutes and our culture’s masculine norms come through loud and clear: Men should act macho, strive to score with women, and exert dominance wherever they can. Given the currency these norms still have in the Western world, it’s no wonder many men (though certainly not all) embrace them to fit in. “Even empathic men who consciously reject negative ideals may — like many women — just not know what to do in the face of harassment and assault.” When men in an Indiana University study scored highly on certain aspects of the Conformity to Masculine Norms Inventory (CMNI) inventory — professing that men ought to dominate women, for instance, or that they should strive for a “playboy” identity — they were inclined to have more hostile and sexist attitudes toward women. Such anti-woman views bode poorly for these men’s potential to stop harassment, since intervention requires empathy and real concern for the target of a jibe or grope. Further research at Georgia State University confirms that when men were exposed to a misogynistic social norm, they were less likely to intervene when they witnessed sexual aggression. Men’s long-established position atop our society’s ladder of power may also affect their willingness to speak up. Subjects with a “high power” mindset in a Northwestern University study were less adept at reading people’s facial expressions, indicating an empathy deficit, and they were also less likely to take other people’s perspectives into account as they assessed a situation. Worse, the experience of having power can make people more likely to give in to their worst impulses. As Greater Good Science Center director Dacher Keltner writes: “Powerful men, studies show, overestimate the sexual interest of others and erroneously believe that the women around them are more attracted to them than is actually the case. Powerful men also sexualize their work, looking for opportunities for sexual trysts and affairs, and along the way leer inappropriately, stand too close, and touch for too long on a daily basis, thus crossing the lines of decorum — and worse.” It’s easy to see how deficits in empathy and social awareness could fuel a powerful boss’s assumption that harassing others — or even “grab[bing] ‘em by the p***y,” as Donald Trump once bragged of doing — is somehow OK. In fact, when participants in a University of Tennessee study were primed to recall wielding power over another, they scored higher on a scale that assessed their chances of sexually harassing in the future. But bystanders in power’s thrall might also be less apt to intervene on a victim’s behalf. Someone with low empathy will be less inclined to speak up for others, and someone drunk on power won’t want to risk losing a high-rung position to call out a colleague. Making harassment matter to men What’s the best way to flip these toxic scripts and empower men to speak out? To a certain extent, that’s an open question. There have been few studies to date on how to help men transform from passive bystanders to active ones when they witness harassment. “There is some excellent research on the bystander effect generally, but far less specifically [on] men in the context of sexual harassment,” says U.S. Naval Academy psychologist Brad Johnson, who cites a need for research-tested strategies to help men intervene confidently and consistently. Still, experts who work to mobilize men against harassment have gleaned some useful insights about what works — and the first step involves empathy. “Ninety percent of the work that you have to do is convincing them that it matters enough to intervene,” says May. This convincing could involve, say, having would-be interveners talk to people who’ve been harassed to get a sense of how being targeted has affected their lives. Women's March, January 20, 2018 Other research suggests that when men learn about suffering from a victim’s viewpoint, there’s a lower likelihood that they will sexually harass. That underscores the idea that to awaken men to harassment’s true impact, it’s critical for them to take the perspective of those being harmed — especially since prevailing masculine norms can blunt their empathy and awareness of that perspective. “We don’t think about harassment across the lifespan,” May says. “A lifetime of [harassment] has the same traumatic impact as more severe forms of violence.” “Other research suggests that when men learn about suffering from a victim’s viewpoint, there’s a lower likelihood that they will sexually harass.” This is why it is so necessary for the targets of sexual harassment to tell their stories, as many have done as part of the #metoo movement. Humans are born story-tellers (and story-listeners) — and as psychologist Paul Slovic’s work reveals, it’s personal stories, not dry statistics or generic platitudes, that most inspire people to act in unjust situations. Of course, for the stories to have impact, men need to hear them — and really take them to heart. From bystanding to “upstanding” From that place of empathy, men might be more motivated to make intervention a low-key, everyday practice — but they still need the tools to do that, which is why training and discussion are so important. Action can be as simple as saying “Cut it out” when a colleague tells a demeaning joke. The more people practice taking constructive action on a regular basis, notes psychologist Philip Zimbardo, the more effective they’ll be at intervening in the future. The force of habit, and the confidence that stems from prior action, take over — and that’s one reason workplace training programs can make a difference. If the harasser reacts angrily, we can learn to defuse the situation by separating the harasser’s action from his or her intention, which may not have been to hurt someone. “What you’re doing is acknowledging the emotio — like, ‘Hey, I hear that you’re really frustrated, that this is confusing,’” May says. “Then say, ‘Things like that can make our co-workers feel uncomfortable, and I know that’s not what you’re trying to do.’” Strength in numbers can help, too. Men who want to start calling out predatory behavior can cement their resolve by teaming up with friends or colleagues. Together, make a commitment to speak up when someone says or does something that assaults another’s dignity — and promise to back each other up when one person takes the lead in intervening. There are also structural solutions. Businesses and nonprofit organizations can hire and promote more women, which can shift the norms of the organization in women’s favor. To support men, company and organization managers can create an atmosphere where speaking up doesn’t mean breaking unspoken masculine codes or risking job status. Men considering calling out abuse or harassment “need to know they’re going to be protected,” Dilbeck says, “[that] if they do speak up somebody’s going to have their back.” Conversely, he adds, a good-old-boys culture can deter witnesses from speaking up about harassment. “If they’ve seen other people be ostracized, they’re like, ‘Oh, hell no!’” There's always a place for activism, online and in real life. Since storytelling is so key to moving people to action, we can amplify #metoo or #iwillspeakup stories on Facebook or Twitter. Speaking out against abusive language on social media can help change the tone of the discussion. In general, making statements for safety, consent, and respect on social media — and in face-to-face conversations — can support other men and women in the fight against sexual harassment and assault. We can march, when a march is called. We can vote for candidates who pledge to stop sexual abuse. All of these actions shape a culture in which those who call out harassment will be embraced, not belittled. Zeno Franco, who studies heroism and post-traumatic stress disorder at the Medical College of Wisconsin, thinks that we can turn masculine norms against sexual harassment and assault. “When has it ever been an acceptable norm that men instill fear in women? When has it ever been an acceptable norm that men turn a blind eye when other men harm women?” He says. “The role of men is at times tough, and unforgiving [regarding] calling to account of other men. Fathers, brothers, uncles need to stand up so that it is not just #metoo, but #youjustmessedwithmetoo.” Franco believes that older men must take the lead with younger ones, especially fathers with sons, setting unequivocal standards of behavior while still creating space for honesty and contemplation. “Knowing what to tell young men first means we need to have a frank conversation amongst ourselves, as fully grown adults, men and women, about these topics,” he says. “If handled correctly, these are moments for self-reflection and improvement on the journey to becoming fully a man.” For men (and women) who remain unsure about intervening, taking the long view of what’s at stake can help tip the balance toward action. Standing up for just one harassment victim could save dozens of potential future victims from a similar fate, Mike Dilbeck says. “You have no idea whose life you’re going to protect by speaking up.” ● Written by Greater Good Science Center This article originally appeared on Greater Good, the online magazine of the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley. Happiness.org is honoured to republish it with the kind permission of the Greater Good Science Center. greatergood.berkeley.edu

National Adoption Day is 17 November. To adopt a child is usually a chance to change its life for the better, but this isn't always the case, as Anastasia Fox can contest. Problems from her own adoption led to rehab and life on the streets before coming out the other side a proud mother herself. Here's her story. I can’t remember how old I was when Rose and Roy told me, but from as far back as I can remember, I’ve always known I was adopted. To be fair, I don’t think I really understood what it meant. I just know that it was something that happened when I was a baby. Rose and Roy had been living in the Philippines for a few years doing some missionary work and I suppose they believed that adopting foreign children would be a good idea and make them look better to their Christian organization. Roy's from the UK and Rose is South African. They had adopted my older brother five years before me and always had the desire for a big family. When they decided to adopt another child, they took my brother with them to the orphanage and asked him who he would like as a little sister. He ran up to me and said, “This one, I want her to be my sister.” I don’t remember much about our time in the Philippines: I only have vague memories and can really only go off of photos. I spent most of my time with my nanny – who I loved dearly – and the rest of the time, I spent with our dog. We left the Philippines when I was just three and the family was moved to the UK. However, we didn’t spend much time there and very shortly after, we moved on to Canada. I don’t have many memories of speaking about adoption. I knew it upset my brother quite a bit, and maybe that’s why we never spoke more about it. He always seemed to be angry, and whenever the word “adoption” was mentioned, he would explode. I couldn’t understand that reaction, as I didn’t really have any feelings about it. On the move I can’t say I had the happiest childhood, and most of it I blocked out. I spent a lot of time alone in my closet. I couldn’t take the fighting that went on in our house. Once in a while memories come back to me, but for the most part, most of it’s a blur. When I think back now, I find it quite strange that we didn’t speak more about adoption. I don’t really remember talking about how anything made us feel. Rose and Roy always would say, “You’re too young to know how you feel.” or, “God wants us to do this, so it’s right.” And being that young, I went along with it. I figured feelings weren’t something I had the right to feel. Happier times: Anastasia, her brother and adoptive parents, Rose and Roy I didn’t notice for years that I had a different skin color to everybody else in their family. To me, we were all the same skin color. I can’t even remember the first time it was brought to my attention that my brother and I were different. It’s interesting how no one is born racist, or born judging others because they look different; it’s something that’s taught. Unfortunately, it took years in the adopted “family” for everyone to show their true colors, and see that racism is actually quite big. It ultimately became the dividing factor in their family. We did a lot of moving around when I was younger, and because they had a lot of family in South Africa, we spent a fair amount of time there as well. I don’t remember too much racism when I was younger; it wasn’t till I was older that it started to become apparent. As I mentioned earlier, as Rose and Roy are missionaries, we started moving around a lot, which meant moving countries quite often. That also meant leaving behind our friends, our animals, our schools… our whole lives. It was something that I hated so much, but I had to get used to. “I didn’t notice for years that I had a different skin color to everybody else in their family. To me, we were all the same skin color.” Deep inside I started to become angry and resentful. All I wanted was a family, a real family, and one that stayed in one place long enough to have a real life. I started to see why my brother was so angry all the time. It wasn’t just the adoption, it was the instability, the never knowing, the rejection from the family. By the time I was 11, we had been living in South America for a few years, and I was beyond miserable. I had never wanted to leave Canada, but like everything else, I was told I was too young to know how I felt about leaving everything behind. “I wanted the pain to go away” By this point, Rose and I didn’t get along whatsoever. She would get so frustrated with me for small things, and take it all out on me. She would often tell me she wished she had never adopted me, or that she isn’t surprised that I was given up for adoption. She even went as far to say that if she ever committed suicide, it would be my fault. That’s when I started really resenting the fact that I'd been adopted. Rose would always combat what she said by telling me I should be grateful to her because life in the Philippines would be a million times worse. At that point, I doubted it so much and said I would prefer to die on the streets there with my biological family than be in the same house as her. Andy, Anastasia's birth father It wasn’t till I was about 17 that my brother told me the reason Rose hated me so much. Roy had cheated on her with my nanny; the nanny I was so close to. In the end we left the Philippines because of that, but Rose and Roy decided to stay together. That’s when Rose started to take it out on me. We finally moved back to Canada after five years in Central and South America. Aside from the culture shock I went through, and the fighting at home, I didn’t want to be alive anymore. I didn’t understand what was going on in my life. I was miserable from Rose, and all I wanted was the pain to go away. I was diagnosed with PTSD at a young age, and no one knew how to help me as they had never heard of someone so young living through such violence. I kept it all inside, because the more I spoke, the worse it made it at home. I started drinking and using drugs at 13: I just wanted everything to end and constantly hearing about how I screwed up everything by being adopted didn’t help. Every day that I had to see Rose made me hate my life even more and resent the fact that I was adopted. I just wanted my mother. My real one. I didn’t care if she had no money or lived in a shack: at least I’d be able to be with her. I couldn’t understand why they gave me up. All the anger inside started to turn to rage. I started to believe everything Rose said to me; started to see myself as not good enough for anyone and that no one would ever want me. But in the same breath, I wouldn’t say anything because she always told me that I should just be grateful. But for what exactly? “Every day that I had to see Rose made me hate my life even more and resent the fact that I was adopted. I just wanted my mother. My real one.” I can’t remember how old I was the first time Rose and Roy went back to the Philippines, or if it was that they contacted the orphanage I was from and they were sent information. Either way, I remember one day being handed some papers with no explanation, no talking about how I felt. It was all the information on my biological family. It broke my heart once again and left me with even more questions than before. My 'real' family My biological parents are Andy Rumeral and Susan Miguel. They had me when they were really young. My dad was 13 and my mum was 15. They had seven kids together and then my mum left my dad, married someone else, and had four more children. My sister Sandy and I, we’re the oldest. It really hurt me a lot when I saw that I had a twin sister, and that I was the one given up for adoption. Why me? Why didn’t they keep us both? Why did they keep having babies after us? Why wasn’t I good enough to stay? The paper had all our names and birthdates on it. Things kind of went downhill from there. I would obsess about my family. Every time Rose would say something to me, I would bite my tongue, and inside I would scream at my biological mum for leaving me. I guess it was true; not even my mum wanted me and that piece of paper was proof. I was kicked out of Roy and Roses’ house when I was 16 and for the next year it was a bit of a tornado. I moved in for a short amount of time with my then boyfriend. Things were really great when I wasn’t living with him, and when I moved into his place, life did a complete 180. He turned into the biggest monster I had ever met. All of a sudden my nightmares became a reality. I just wanted out, but had nowhere to go. Roy would come and pick me up once in a while and it was as if he had turned a blind eye. I clearly had bruises and black eyes, and he would never bat an eyelash. It was as if he didn’t want to be confronted with reality, so I played along. “It really hurt me a lot when I saw that I had a twin sister, and that I was the one given up for adoption. Why me? Why didn’t they keep us both?” Eventually the beatings and raping from my boyfriend became too much for me. By this point he'd threatened my life a few times and I was so afraid I just left. I couldn’t go back to Rose and Roy’s house as they didn’t want me there, so the next few months became living for myself. Life on the streets... and pregnant I bounced around from various shelters, to the street. I would usually stay the amount of time allowed in a shelter, sleep on the street a few nights, go to another shelter and so on. I met a lot of different people in that time: there were a lot of really difficult times, but there were also a lot of really happy times. When you have nothing, you have nothing to lose (or so I thought). Roy told me years later he didn’t mind me living on the street, because at least he knew he could always find me. He would make it a point to find me once a week for food. Other than that I relied on busking, dumpster diving, and shelters. In fact, it was while living on the street that I found out I was pregnant. Not what I imagined or what I hoped for. I realised I had to get off the street, but had nowhere to go. How could I have a baby? I was only 16 and on the run from my ex. The police had been involved various times but they couldn’t do much, and as I lived on the street, there wasn’t too much they could do to protect me. I was always asked why I didn’t have an abortion or put my baby up for adoption. Both options had gone through my mind. I did have an abortion booked, but when they did the ultrasound to see how far along I was, I saw my baby on the screen. I could see this little alien-looking bean moving around; I could see the form of fingers and toes. I couldn’t go through with it. Susan: Anastasia's birth mother I then looked into the option of adoption. I had the family picked out, and the paperwork ready. The day I went to sign the last bit of paperwork, the lady at the centre asked me if I was sure I wanted to do this. She knew what I had gone through and my feelings of being adopted. She told me that ultimately it was my choice but that she wanted to make sure that I was really positive this is what I wanted to do. She left the room for a minute and left me sitting there. How could I do this to my child? Did I really want her to feel what I felt? It isn’t her fault. I ripped up the paperwork and walked out. I knew I had to change my life, but there was a part of me didn’t really care. Becoming a mum I was usually on the run from the father of my child, and was still using quite a lot of drugs and drinking heavily. It seemed to make my situation better. I lived on the streets and in shelters until I was about seven months pregnant. The government eventually housed me. It wasn’t till I was about eight months pregnant that I decided to get clean. By that point my doctor had told me I needed to brace myself for a child with disabilities. I gave birth on 8 November 8, 2001, to a very healthy baby girl. She far surpassed the doctors’ expectations. But I can’t say that I was thrilled. I was only 16; still a child myself. Being a mum to my daughter wasn’t easy at all. I had never wanted children, I didn’t see the point in having them. And as my daughter was a result of rape, I didn’t bond with her. Every time I looked at her, I saw him. It took me years to see her as a true gift. I tried hard to love her, and when I really struggled, I would remember what I felt like being rejected by my parents, and that would help me a bit more. “How could I do this to my child? Did I really want her to feel what I felt? It isn’t her fault. I ripped up the paperwork and walked out.” When I was 18, I gave birth to my other daughter. I didn’t even know how to be a mother, I didn’t even know what a mother was. To me, a mother, was someone that rejected her children, or told them ugly things and made them feel unwanted. Did I want that for my children? Did I even deserve to have children? These are questions that have haunted me for years. Not so much anymore, but definitely as I was growing up with my kids. I still don’t fully understand what a mother is, and perhaps I never will. Adoption: my 'real' family revealed It wasn’t till I was 18 that my adopted parents went back to the Philippines. They'd asked me before they left if I wanted to find out more info about my family. I told them it wasn’t necessary but if they happened to find anything out, that was fine too. They came back with an envelope, handed it to me and left. It had a letter from my natural dad, photos of my parents, my brothers and sisters, and an address of a family member that lived in the US. I can’t explain what went through my head as I was looking through the photos. I was a part of her and a part of him, and yet I knew nothing about them. There in front of me, were photos of my brothers and sisters, all together. Why were they all together, and I was on the other side of the world? I stared at those photos for hours, so much went through my head. I don’t think I even cried, I was just so amazed and yet disgusted. Anastasia and her two daughters, Mariah and Thalya Rayne I saw the letter from my dad: yellow paper with green lines and messy handwriting. I had waited for this my whole life. I finally had something in my hands from my dad. It took me a few days to open it. I was terrified of what I might read inside. When I finally did, I think I started crying even before starting it. “My daughter…” that’s how it started. How could he call me his daughter? He didn’t even know me. He was the one that gave me up. YOU GAVE ME UP, YOU CAN’T CALL ME YOUR DAUGHTER NOW. He spoke about how he regretted giving me away, how it was my mother who did it, how he would do anything to have me back. He said he'd been looking for me for years, but didn’t know where to search. All he knew was that I had been adopted into a white family and left for a better life. A better life? How would you know? You don’t know what it’s been like. You can’t act like all of a sudden I matter to you. He asked me about my life, about my children, about my adopted “parents”. He just kept telling me he loved me and asking me for forgiveness. How does that work? I don’t even know you, you can’t suddenly come into my life and write me all these things and think it’s going to be better. I hate you. He'd left his address and also a contact for one of my cousins in the Philippines. He said that my cousin was the one that wrote most of the letter as my dad doesn’t speak much English. I didn’t do anything for about a year, I didn’t know what to say to him. I didn’t know how to feel. I was so hurt by this point. I finally worked up enough courage to get ahold of my cousin. It all happened fairly quickly. It seemed like one day he was just a man I knew I was apart of, and the next day, I was waiting to speak to him for the first time. This was way back when we had Yahoo messenger for video calling. Meeting dad I’ll never forget that day. It was about 02:00 a.m. in Canada. Everyone had gone to bed and I didn’t want to turn on my webcam. I knew on the other side was Andy, the man that was biologically my father. I took a deep breathe, closed my eyes and turned it on. When I opened them, there he was. He had a big smile on his face and eyes filled with tears. “My daughter” was the first thing out of his mouth. I didn’t move a muscle: I don’t think I even took a breath. There he was. I had waited 20 years, and there he was. My cousin was sitting beside him and I don’t think he knew what to say either. My dad just started to say “I love you, I love you, my daughter, Rodelia.” He kept calling me my birth name, which makes sense, as he had no idea they had changed my name. It was a really powerful experience. I had no idea what to say; I didn’t want to say anything, I just wanted to stare at him and for him to speak to me. I just wanted to hear his voice. I didn’t care that he couldn’t speak English. I just wanted my dad to hold me. The video chats became a weekly thing. I would chose a couple of nights a week, and “speak” with my dad and cousin online. Most of the time it was just me sitting there crying, and staring at him, but it was just the fact that he was there, and I could see him. Sandy: the twin sister Anastasia had trouble forgiving However, I was also drinking a lot at this time. I loved seeing him, but also hated it. I felt dead inside. This went on for about six months. I thought I was coping well with it. And then one day, I exploded. What the hell was this? He can’t be out of my life for 20 years and then just suddenly come into it and think this is all OK. That’s not how it works. And just as quickly as it started, I ended it. I didn’t want to talk to them anymore. I didn’t want to hear anything about him. Any of them. I tried to block it all out, and for years I wouldn’t speak of them. I suddenly understood why my brother was always so angry. I started drinking a lot and taking opiods. Anything to numb how I felt inside. Almost everything I did, I was completely high. In my head, I was a better mother while high. I would laugh more and didn’t feel so dead inside. My life became consumed with numbing the pain I felt. I gave my children everything. I didn’t want them to know what it was like to feel like I felt. I gave them everything, except a lot of affection. I loved my children, I gave them hugs, I cuddled them, but from a distance. I didn’t baby them. “He can't be out of my life for 20 years and then just suddenly come into it and think this is all OK. That's not how this works.” Eventually my niece and my partner’s son was also living with us. We had a full house of children: exactly what I didn’t want in life. As hard as it was, I gave all those children the love I felt I never had. But how could I, if I didn’t love myself? After a year of all these children, I eventually gave my niece back to my brother, and my step son went back to his mother. I really struggled as a mother. I loved my children, and always made sure to tell them that, but I didn’t know how to love. Addiction, rehab and mum I struggled with addiction for years. It eventually got so bad that I went to rehab. My body had become so physically dependent on alcohol, my organs were failing, and I was drinking to die. I prayed that every sip I took would kill me, that I wouldn’t wake up. And every time I would wake up, I would be so angry. My doctors had already told me when I was 20 that I wouldn’t live to see 30 if I didn’t get my addiction under control… but I didn’t care. I wanted the pain to end. What would it matter anyways? Rehab helped change my life. If it wasn’t for that one year away, I wouldn’t be alive today. It was by far the hardest year of my life, but so worth it. It took a few years even after rehab to be “OK” with being sober. When I was about 28, I had another life-changing event. It was early in the morning and my phone kept going off. It was notifications from Facebook. I didn’t recognize the name, and logged on. All I remember reading was “sis, it’s me, your younger sis. I’m with mom. She want say hi [sic].” I froze. Who are you? What do you mean, you’re my sister? When I looked at her photo, I recognized her from the photos I had. I responded right away and said I wanted to speak to my mom. She said OK and gave me her Skype name. “My body had become so physically dependent on alcohol, my organs were failing, and I was drinking to die.” I sat on my bed in the dark. I called my partner and told him I was about to speak with my mum for the first time and that I was scared. I sat in my bed, crying, for about half an hour before turning on my computer. This again. I had been waiting for this moment for 28 years. I turned on my camera and waited for hers to come on. When it finally came on, there were about 15 people sitting down, all smiling and waving at me: I knew none of them were my mom. And then suddenly I saw her. She was sitting in the middle of everyone. Not smiling, not waving, just sitting there. I burst into tears, and so did she. I just said, “Mama, I need you.” I didn’t care that she couldn’t speak English. She was my mother. She was the woman that could make everything all better. She just kept saying “I love you, I’m so sorry. I love you.” And then I just started asking her “WHY?” WHY ME?” “WHAT DID I DO TO YOU?” Rhea: Anastasia's little sister My little sister then had to step in and translate for me. The first thing she asked me was if I had seen my adoption papers. I said I had. She said that she never signed them, that she didn’t know about the adoption until I was already in the orphanage and someone else wanted to adopt me. She told me to look and tell me if her signature was there, or if it was a fingerprint. I already knew it was a fingerprint. It was his fingerprint. She said that on the third piece of paper, it’ll show that she didn’t know about the adoption until a few months later. My parents hadn’t been living together, and my mum was in and out of the hospital, so it was quite normal for things like this to happen. Quite normal? I don’t know what it was inside of me that told me she was telling the truth. But somehow her story made a lot more sense then the one my dad had told me. I stared at my mum on the screen for about two hours. Just listened to her sing to me. Ask me questions. Look at me. This was my mum. The lady that gave me life. The lady I loved, and yet didn’t know why. The lady I also blamed for not knowing how to love my own children. The lady that brought me into this world, but also felt like she took my life from me. She eventually had to go, and we hung up. That was the last time I spoke to her. I sat there completely numb. I didn’t know how to feel at this point. I couldn’t numb myself even more with any kind of substance. Like most things, I put it to the side, and kept on going. I don’t know why that was the last time I spoke to my mom. I wasn’t angry at her. I was extremely hurt. It brought up even more questions, but I didn’t feel towards her like I do with my dad. “I stared at my mum on the screen for about two hours. Just listened to her sing to me. Ask me questions. Look at me. This was my mum. The lady that gave me life. The lady I loved, and yet didn’t know why.” I often think about her, all of them. Most of my biological family don’t accept me as one of their own. They all know that I was adopted into a white family, and so to them, I’m a bank account. Ironic how I was adopted into a racist white family, and my biological family doesn’t see me as family as I was adopted into a white family. Adoption: forgiveness and healing It wasn’t until I was 31 that I met Lilly Pretorius. I was in South Africa for an emergency and needed somewhere to stay. She took me in under her wing, and for three weeks stood by my side. She stood up against my adopted “parents” and fought with me. Lily became my mother; she became the woman that finally loved me for who I was, and cared for me without there being stipulations. She finally gave me unconditional love. We have spoken many times about finding a way for her to legally adopt me. Until that day, I’m just blessed to have her in my life. I’m grateful for the love she shows me and to be able to fall back on her. I never in a million years expected to have a mother figure like her. I felt like I had one more step in leaving that part of my life behind. I legally changed my name, realizing I didn’t want to have anything to do with Rose and Roy. I wanted my life to be filled with positivity. I was tired of always being told I needed help, that I was exaggerating, that it was always in God's plan. I was tired of the arguing, and feeling worthless. The day I received my new passport with my new name was one of the best days of my life. It was like a dark chapter had finally closed, and life, my life, could really begin. They were gone. I’ve had to learn to forgive my biological parents for what I felt was abandonment. I don’t know if I’ll ever know the real reason why or who actually made the decision. In some ways I’d prefer to just think they both genuinely had my best interest at heart, but that would be living a lie. I’ve had to learn to be thankful for the life they gave me, and the opportunities I have had. Without them, I wouldn’t be alive today. Without them, I wouldn’t be able to help others. I’ve had to forgive my biological family for not accepting me as one of their own. We share the same DNA and features, yet because I was adopted into a white family, I am not considered one of them. I’ve had to forgive my brothers and sisters for being a family, having one another, and having what I’ve always wanted. I had to work through that resentment I’ve held against them all this time, one that they’ve had no idea about. For years they wished they were me; thinking I had it all, that I’m happy, that I have lots of money, and a great life. In reality, they had no idea what I went through and what I felt all these years without them. “The day I received my new passport with my new name was one of the best days of my life. It was like a dark chapter had finally closed, and life, my life, could really begin.” I’ve had to learn to forgive my twin sister for being the one they chose to keep and living a life that she may consider poor and disgraceful. I’ve had to learn to be thankful that I have a sister, and not just one, but many. I’ve had to be grateful that after all these years I was able to speak with her and know more about her and her life. I’ve had to forgive my mum and Rose for not teaching me or showing me a mother’s love. I never knew how to be a mom; I didn’t want to be one. My children both know that I’d do anything for them but that I didn’t find motherhood or parenthood easy. They know that I won’t ever stop fighting for them. They know I love them, I don’t always show it the same way a typical mother might, but I show them in ways they understand. I know I’m by far a great mother, but my kids know that I’ll be there for them, no matter what. I wasn’t a natural born mother, but I was born to be a mother to them. I’ve had to learn to forgive my dad for giving me away. I’ve had to forgive him for not being that father figure I wanted and needed. I had to forgive him for not being there for me and doing what fathers do with their little girls. I wish he would have warned me about boys, about life, things every little girl wants from her dad. I’ve had to forgive Roy for being too much like my best friend and not enough like a dad, for never saying ‘no’, and not setting any boundaries. I’ve had to forgive him for cheating on Rose and her taking her anger out on me. I’ve had to forgive him for not believing me when I needed him the most, and for leaving me in situations that a father should be there for his daughter. I’ve had to forgive him for letting me do what I want, when I wanted, and instead of telling me something wasn’t right, encouraging me to keep going. And, finally, I’ve had to forgive myself for not letting myself be happy, loved, and free. ● Written by Anastasia Fox Anastasia Fox is a Barcelona-based freelancer with a passion for life and a willingness to help others.

October may mark the mid-point between summer and winter, but it remains a good one from the point of view of positive news. This October saw many new stories that were full of hope and happiness: here's Ed Gould's round-up of the ten best... 1. Boost your happiness with a short review of your day The BBC reported in October that a simple exercise to appraise your day can improve your happiness and well being. Its report focused on Sandi Mann, a lecturer at the University of Central Lancashire, who suggested that the habit offers a straightforward psychological boost when completed regularly. She suggests conducting a review of your day in which six questions, including what experiences gave you pleasure, are asked. By focusing on your answers you can gradually shift your mindset, no matter how bleak, to a happier one. 2. New hope for fossil fuel free energy A fuel that's packed with energy just like coal would make a huge difference to electrical energy production – if it didn't release so much carbon dioxide into the atmosphere and add to global climate change. Incredibly, exactly this could be on the horizon thanks to Spanish company Ingelia. The Valencia-based company has developed an industrial process called hydrothermal carbonisation. Essentially, this means it can make biocarbon named 'biochar', which can be burned with zero emissions. What's more, there should be a plentiful supply of biochar's raw material: it's made from nothing more than sewage, meaning we can all contribute! 3. Toy giant to harness to power of mindfulness You might not put Lego and mindfulness in the same headspace but that may change according to reports in The Daily Telegraph. The Denmark-based toy brand has decided to use a new marketing ploy in which its simple bricks are used to help achieve a sense of inner calm. A spokesperson for the company said that the idea was to highlight the benefits of mindfulness through Lego, since playing with it offered a “challenge that's at once relaxing and creatively stimulating.” The campaign is primarily aimed at young adults rather than Lego's core audience of children: perhaps it's time to break that tub of bricks open! Building blocks of happiness? Lego could help... 4. The era of single-use plastic is coming to an end In more positive news for the environment, the European Union has taken steps to ban the use of plastics which are designed for single use only. Many media outlets reported that MEPs had voted to ban things like plastic cotton buds, knives and forks, drink stirrers and straws. Many such plastic products end up in the ocean and enter the food chain when eaten by fish (which are subsequently caught and consumed by humans). The move is expected to take effect from 2021. 5. French city leads the way in public transport revolution During October, The Guardian reported how the citizens of the coastal city of Dunkirk were taking up public transport in ever greater numbers. Not surprising given that the city's authorities decided to offer all bus services to its community for free. What's newsworthy is the fact that buses have since become places of social interaction, meeting points and even places to get work done: Dunkirk's buses offer complimentary Wi-Fi. Research suggests that as bus use rises, so fewer cars head into the city, freeing it up and generating cleaner air for all: a win-win situation. 6. Could mushrooms treat depression? In America, where the use of substances is regulated by the Food and Drug Administration (FDA), permission has been granted into a scientific study into the effects of psilocybin mushrooms. Long known for their psychedelic effect, these fungi may unlock some clues as to how to treat mental health disorders like depression. It took some time for the FDA to come to its final decision, but the path now appears to be clear for researchers to progress with their studies. Mushroom for improvement: fungi could treat depression 7. Cannabis may hold the key to treating Crohn's disease Medical News Today reported a story that should bring some happiness to those with Crohn's disease. A debilitating condition that impacts negatively on the digestion system, people living with Crohn's may soon be able to make use of the properties of cannabis to lessen the severity of symptoms. The medical uses of cannabis are well known, but this Israeli-led research indicates that the drug may soon be widely used to help treat pain caused by the condition. Project lead Timna Naftali, a gastroenterology specialist at Tel Aviv University's Meir Hospital, said it's yet to be determined how a treatment might work but its effects are already there to be seen. 8. Solar farm created on former disaster site Chernobyl may forever be linked with the worrying outcome of a fully-blown nuclear power plant disaster, but it's making power once more. According to the Sydney Morning Herald, the old power plant – which was thought to be completely unusable following its meltdown – has now been converted into a solar energy farm. It still may be too radioactive to live there, but workers can safely set up solar panels which create green electricity. So far, the Ukraine has installed in excess of 3,700 solar panels at the site. 9. UN recognizes Indian state's farming achievement Affording new hope to anyone who believes in the future of an agricultural sector which does not rely on pesticides and antibiotics, the Indian state of Sikkim has officially become 100 per cent organic. Over 60,000 farms have adopted the practice, which, according to Reuters, has boosted tourism in the state, as well as setting an example of what can be achieved with a collective effort. The Food and Agriculture Organization of the UN recognized the achievement by awarding Sikkim with its most prestigious prize. Congratulations! Indian farmer with eggplants © Hari Mahidhar/shutterstock.com 10. Police beat stress with mindfulness techniques Few jobs can be as stressful as working for the police. In response to the needs of officers, the United Kingdom's College of Policing has developed a 'Mindfit Cop' programme to teach officers how to use methods derived from Buddhist meditation to help face up to their work difficulties and anxieties. The eight-week course has already been taken up by officers from South Wales, Hertfordshire, Bedfordshire, Somerset and Avon. It's hoped the course will see fewer cases of burnout within the service, so that officer retention rates are improved. ● Do you think Lego could help you be more mindful? Have you ever tried an end-of-day appraisal? Share your thoughts on October's positive news stories with the community below... Written by Ed Gould Ed Gould is a UK-based journalist and freelance writer. He's also a practitioner of Reiki.

Wenn Gedanken endlos gewälzt werden, ist das eine gefährliche Angewohnheit, die mit ernsten psychologischen Zuständen in Verbindung gebracht werden kann. Sie reichen in extremen Fällen von Depressionen, Borderline Störung, Schizophrenie und Burnout bis hin zu Zwangsstörungen und akuten Angstzuständen. Wieviel Grübeln ist normal? Je nach Situation hat jeder von uns mal Grübelattacken. An sich ist das unproblematisch, doch schnell befindet man sich in einer Grauzone in der das Gedankenkarussell sich verselbstständigt und die ersten Grundlagen psychischer Probleme legt. Daher ist es sinnvoll frühzeitig genau hin zuschauen, um die Kontrolle über unsere Denkmuster zu behalten. In diesem Artikel beschreiben wir die Gefahren es Dauergrübelns. Wir informieren dich, was du tun kannst, um das Grübeln zu stoppen und dein Wohlbefinden, deine innere Ruhe und dein Glück wiederherzustellen. Warum Grübeln krank macht Warum grübelt man? Einige der häufigsten Erklärungen für's Grübeln sind laut der American Psychological Association [1]: der Glaube, dass wir durch Wiederkäuen Einblick in unser Problem / Leben erhalten eine Vorgeschichte von physischen oder emotionalen Traumata Umgang mit anhaltenden Stressfaktoren, die nicht kontrolliert werden können Endlose, negative Gedankenkreisel sind auch bei Menschen mit neurotischen oder perfektionistischen Tendenzen üblich. Für die meisten von uns ist es völlig normal, vergangene Ereignisse noch einmal durch zugehen, um zu verstehen, was schief gelaufen ist - und welche Lektionen wir aus vergangenen Fehlern lernen können. Laut einer Untersuchung von Matt Killingsworth [2] verbringen wir gedanklich fast die Hälfte unserer Wachstunden in der Vergangenheit oder der Zukunft, statt im Hier und Jetzt zu leben! Im Extremfall kann dieses Verhalten jedoch zu zwanghaftem Herumreiten auf negativen Aspekten der eigenen Vergangenheit oder Zukunft führen. Diese Art des Gedankenkarussells verursacht hohe kognitive und emotionale Kosten. „Dauergrübeln ist das obsessive Überdenken oder Nachdenken über die negativen Aspekte der eigenen Vergangenheit oder Zukunft. Diese Art des Denkens hat hohe kognitive und emotionale Kosten.“ Grübeln: Wie Denkschleifen entstehen Zum Beispiel haben psychologische Untersuchungen gezeigt, dass es einen Zusammenhang zwischen Grübeln und negativen psychischen Zuständen wie Angstzuständen und Depressionen gibt. Früher oder später geraten zwanghaft Grübelnde in einen obsessiven Kreislauf negativer Gedanken, die wiederum zu Gefühlen von Hilflosigkeit, Schuld, Wut oder Bedauern sowie zu erhöhtem Stress führen. Zusätzlich wurde auch auf eine Verbindung zwischen Grübeln und Depressionen geschlossen: Eine US-Studie fand heraus, dass chronisch Grübelnde nach traumatischen Ereignissen, wie dem Verlust eines geliebten Menschen, mit einer höheren Wahrscheinlichkeit klinisch depressiv werden und bleiben. Es hat also den Anschein, dass ständiges Grübeln und depressive Zustände sich gegenseitig verstärken. Dies kann die betroffene Person in eine Spirale unkontrollierter Negativität schicken. [3] Zwangsstörungen In der klinischen Psychologie wird ständiges Gedanken wälzen oder Grübeln als eine Art Zwangsstörung klassifiziert. Die aufdringlichen und bedrückenden Gedanken, die durch das Grübeln hervorgerufen werden, sind mit der Zeit unmöglich zu stoppen. Es ist genau dieser Kontrollverlust über die eigenen Gedanken, der viele Psycholog*innen dazu veranlasst hat, eine Verbindung zwischen diesem Zustand und zwanghaftem Verhalten herzustellen. [4] Fressanfälle und Komasaufen Forscher*innen fanden ebenfalls eine Verbindung zwischen Grübeln und gesundheitsschädlichem Verhalten, wie Komasaufen und Fressanfällen heraus. Eine 2014 veröffentlichte Studie legt nahe, dass Dauer-Grübeln Fressanfälle verursacht, oder sie in Fällen, in denen dieses Verhalten bereits existiert, verstärkt. [5] Im Fall von Komasaufen fand eine Langzeitstudie unter US-amerikanischen Studierenden einen kausalen Zusammenhang zwischen Grübeln, Depression und starkem Trinken. [6] Hör auf zu grübeln: Sich übermäßig Sorgen zu machen, kann Depressionen verursachen Es scheint, dass Grübeln zu einer Art unkontrollierter Verhaltensweise führt. Sie werden zu einer Bewältigungsstrategie, einem symbolischen Ablassventil und einem Weg, die negativen Emotionen zu regulieren, die durch ständiges Wälzen von Gedanken verschärft werden. Negative zwischenmenschliche Effekte Letztendlich führt das ständige Wiederkäuen der immer gleichen, negativen Gedanken zu einer Unfähigkeit, grundlegende Aufgaben des täglichen Lebens zu bewältigen. Da Grübelnde so in ungesunde Gedanken vertieft sind, stören diese ihre Fähigkeit, eine Arbeit zu verrichten und mit persönlichen oder beruflichen Beziehungen umzugehen. Zusätzlich zu den Konsequenzen für die mentale Gesundheit hat ständiges Gedanken-wälzen ernsthafte zwischenmenschliche Auswirkungen! Anhaltendes Grübeln kann die Unterstützung von Freunden und Verwandten untergraben und einen Frustrations- und Entfremdungs-Kreislauf verursachen, der eine Ursache für weiteres Grübeln wird. Beeinträchtigte Gehirnfunktion Noch wichtiger ist, dass Grübeln langfristig schädlich für das Gehirn ist. Diejenigen, die daran leiden, konzentrieren sich ausschließlich auf die kleinsten Details eines Problems, anstatt darauf, eine Lösung zu finden. Ähnlich wie es bei klinisch depressiven Patient*innen der Fall ist, ist die Gehirnfunktion bei Menschen, die ständig grübeln so beeinträchtigt, dass es ihre Problemlösungsfähigkeit behindert. [7] Stattdessen verursachen negative neuronale Netzwerke ein unrealistisches Gefühl der Verzweiflung. Sie verdammen die Situation mit dem Glauben, dass keine Lösung in Sicht ist. Drei Techniken, um mit dem Grübeln aufzuhören Es gibt kaum Zweifel, dass das Grübeln eine psychologische Belastung darstellt. Wenn du unter diesem Zustand leidest, hilft es sicher, zu wissen, dass andere in der gleichen Situation es geschafft haben, den unproduktiven Gedanken ein Ende zu setzen. Es gibt viele Strategien, die dir dabei helfen, ein Denkmuster zu brechen, das zur Gewohnheit geworden ist. Wir stellen dir drei Techniken vor, die dir helfen können, das Grübeln abzustellen. Grübeln, was hilft ist, dass du lernst, wie du einen Schritt vorwärts zu einer gesünderen Existenz machst, die von Glück und Wertschätzung geprägt ist, anstatt von Sorgen und Ängsten. 1. Achtsamkeitstraining Vor Kurzem haben Psycholog*innen kognitive Therapien entwickelt, die Patient*innen durch das Einbeziehen von Elementen der Achtsamkeitspraxis dabei helfen mit dem Grübeln aufzuhören. Dies ist effektiv, da Achtsamkeit erfordert, das wir darüber nachdenken, wie wir denken, anstatt einfach in eine Spirale negativer Gedanken zu springen. Achtsamkeit bringt auch ein erhöhtes Bewusstsein in deine eigenen Denkmuster und verstärkt deine Fähigkeit, Auslöser zu erkennen oder zu merken, wenn negative aufdringliche Gedanken einen Punkt ohne Rückkehrmöglichkeit erreichen. Eine Achtsamkeits-basierte kognitive Therapie (MBCT) beinhaltet oft psychologisches Eingreifen und Lerneinheiten sowie Yoga, Meditation und Atemtechniken. Ziel ist es, Menschen, die ständig negative Gedanken wälzen, Einblicke in die Funktionsweise ihres Gehirns zu geben und den Fokus auf den gegenwärtigen Zustand zu richten. Das hilft ihnen, den Impuls der zwanghaften Fokussierung auf vergangene Ereignisse zu unterdrücken. 2. Problemlösungstechniken Negative Gedanken wälzen wurde manchmal als "fehlgeschlagenes Problemlösen" beschrieben. Daher macht es nur Sinn, dass einer der Wege, mit dem Grübeln aufzuhören, das Erlernen von Problemlösungstechniken ist. Damit spricht man die lähmenden Effekte des Grübelns an und kann sie umkehren. Der erste Schritt besteht darin, die richtigen Fragen zu stellen: Anstatt beispielsweise zu fragen, "Warum ist das passiert?" solltest du eine aktionsorientierte Frage wie "Was kann ich dagegen tun?" stellen. Begib dich dann auf die grundlegenden Schritte zur Problemlösung: Das Problem identifizieren über dein Ziel entscheiden die Ressourcen auflisten, die dir helfen, deine Ziele zu erreichen einen Schritt-für-Schritt-Aktionsplan aufzeichnen wenn nötig, schriftlich niederschreiben 3. Ablenkung Die dritte Technik beinhaltet, dass du deinem Geist weder Zeit noch Raum gibst, um sich mit schädlichem Grübeln zu beschäftigen. Halte stattdessen deinen Geist mit etwas beschäftigt, das du interessant oder motivierend findest. Das kann alles sein, von Singen über Freiwilligenarbeit bis zu Sport. Das Wichtige dabei ist, eine konstruktive Ablenkung zu wählen [8], anstatt in ungesunde Ablenkungen, wie dich zu betrinken oder zu überessen, zu verfallen. Bleibe beschäftigt: Lenke deinen Geist mit Sport ab! Zugegebenermaßen kann es schwierig sein, sich mit etwas anderem zu beschäftigen. Es passiert zu leicht, wieder unbewusst ins Dauer-Grübelei hinein zu rutschen. Aber gib dein Bestes, um Denkmuster zu ersetzen. Es wird einfacher werden, je weiter dein Achtsamkeits-Training fortschreitet. Eine andere Strategie kann sein, sich kurze Grübel-Zeiten einzuräumen, sich dabei aber ein Zeitlimit [9] oder gleich „geplante Grübel-Sitzungen“ vorzunehmen (und diese kurz zu halten und sich an den Zeitplan zu halten) [10]. Das Grübeln stoppen: Das sind die Vorteile Wenn du dich entschieden hast, dem Grübeln Einhalt zu bieten und dich darauf konzentrierst, es durch positive Denkmuster zu ersetzen, kannst du dich auf viele physische und psychologische Vorteile freuen. Mit dem Überwinden des Dauer-Grübelns befreist du dich von schädlichen und unproduktiven Gedanken, was sich positiv auf dein gesamtes Wohlbefinden auswirkt. Wie das Dauer-Grübeln, verstärken sich auch Depression, Angst und andere destruktive Verhaltensweisen gegenseitig. Aus diesem Kreis auszubrechen, kann das Vertrauen in dich selbst und in deine Fähigkeit stärken, um dein Leben wieder in deine eigene Hand zu nehmen. 
Interessanterweise sind Gedanken-Wiederkäuer oft auf einer nie endenden Suche nach Einsicht (also Fragen zu stellen, die selten eine Antwort haben). Aber nur diejenigen, die es schaffen, sich von dieser Gewohnheit zu lösen, können sich auf ein geschärftes Bewusstsein und ein besseres Verständnis ihrer selbst freuen [11]. Sehe das Licht: Befreie deine Seele und höre auf zu grübeln Mit Anstrengung, Übung und Unterstützung kannst du die schwere Last des Gedanken-Wälzens überwinden. Du kannst dich aus dem Teufelskreis der Untätigkeit lösen und die Kontrolle über deine Gedanken und deine Zukunft zurück erobern. Gib dein Bestes, um das Dauer-Grübeln aufzuhören und dir eröffnet sich ein Weg zu einem ausgeglichenerem Blick auf deine Vergangenheit, Gegenwart und Zukunft. Bild: colourbox.com Quellen: [1] https://www.apa.org/monitor/nov05/cycle [2] https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/does_mind_wandering_make_you_unhappy [3] https://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2011/01/20/why-ruminating-is-unhealthy-and-how-to-stop/ [4] https://www.ocduk.org/ocd/introduction-to-ocd/ [5] http://scholarworks.uvm.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1497&context=graddis [6] http://ir.library.louisville.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=3552&context=etd [7] https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/depression-management-techniques/201604/rumination-problem-in-anxiety-and-depression [8] http://thehealthsessions.com/how-to-stop-ruminating/ [9] http://cogbtherapy.com/cbt-blog/stop-ruminating-and-end-depression [10] http://www.anxietyandstress.com/managing-worry-and-rumination [11] http://www.huffingtonpost.com/robert-leahy-phd/dwelling-on-the-negative-_b_799103.html Autorin: Dee Marques Dee ist eine Absolventin der Sozial Wissenschaften mit großem Interesse an Sprachen, Kommunikation und persönlichen Entwicklungsstrategien. Sie liebt Sport, draußen in der Natur zu sein und warme und sonnige Orte zu entdecken, an denen sie dem Winter entkommen kann.

Some people resist compassionate support from others. Here’s why — and what they can do about it. By Emiliana R. Simon-Thomas, science director of the Greater Good Science Center. What gets in the way of compassion? Many of us aspire to be more compassionate in our own lives, and to build a more compassionate society. In doing so, we work hard to overcome barriers that keep us from being motivated to help those around us — the overwhelm, apathy, and divisions. But we don’t often think about the obstacles that might keep someone from comfortably receiving compassion. Yet research suggests that some people actually fear becoming the targets of compassion, and it may be hurting their mental health. Here’s why some of us resist help — and what we can do to open ourselves up to compassion from other people. What’s scary about compassion? A recent study published in the journal Mindfulness explores how the fear of receiving compassion can affect people’s behavior in difficult times. Researchers surveyed 85 female undergraduates from a large Canadian university about compassion-avoidance, measured in statements like, “If I think someone is being kind and caring to me, I put up a barrier.” Those who reported being more afraid of compassion also said they were less likely to share their struggles with friends and family. Why should this be a problem? Social support in times of distress helps us cope with and recover from life’s difficult moments. On a practical level, support can help us resolve or correct the circumstances that lead to the difficulties in the first place. One nationwide study found that lack of social support increases vulnerability to psychological disorders and disease, and imposes a risk factor to physical health greater than a lifetime smoking habit. Supportive friends and family also put the brakes on excessive self-criticism. We rely on others to remind us that we are safe, important, and promising — a critical aspect of coping. In fact, studies by the University of Derby’s Paul Gilbert have shown that self-criticism in combination with fear of compassion puts people at a markedly greater risk of depression. Other research suggests that people who have a greater fear of receiving compassion tend to suppress their emotional responses to difficult experiences, a habit that is tied to cardiovascular risk and alexithymia: a diminished capacity to recognize emotions within oneself and in other people. Finally, fear of receiving compassion has been tied to lower mindfulness, a characteristic associated with myriad benefits to health and well-being. Given the benefits, why do some people resist receiving compassion? Some worry that the other person will not respond supportively; they’ll reject or dismiss the issue. The situation may also arouse a nascent distress that comes from a person’s formative childhood memories of being ignored or treated with hostility, rather than compassion. For example, some research suggests that people who recall their parents as less warm have a greater fear of receiving compassion. “Social support in times of distress helps us cope with and recover from life’s difficult moments.” Even if support is offered, it may feel awkward, uncomfortable, or even painful to be under the spotlight of compassion. Receiving compassionate support may challenge a person’s sense of alignment with social or cultural norms around keeping a stoic grip on one’s emotions, or being seen as individually self-sufficient, “together,” or “low-maintenance.” Receiving compassion inherently involves an acknowledgment of personal vulnerability, which may make it harder to “hold it together” or (if things get emotional) add shame to the equation. Some may also avoid feeling like a burden, obliging others to waste their precious time and energy. Finally, some people are less inclined to talk about personally humiliating or defeating experiences — times that feel like proof of our absolute failure. For them, disclosing these feelings feels too risky; they fear that sharing personal difficulties is more likely to worsen, rather than improve, how they feel. Do any of these reasons sound familiar to you? Keep reading. The healing power of self-compassion The Mindfulness study identified one way to reduce the fear of compassion from others: kindness toward yourself. The researchers asked participants to write a paragraph about a personally unpleasant experience, one that they remembered as humiliating and shameful, for ten minutes. They were randomly split into three groups. Researchers told the first to think about their experience self-compassionately. Self-compassion involves relating to our own difficult experiences from the outside looking in, extending kindness and support towards ourselves as we might toward a grieving friend. The second group was instructed to think about preserving their own self-esteem as they wrote. The last could write freely, exploring and describing their experience in detail. “Other research suggests that people who have a greater fear of receiving compassion tend to suppress their emotional responses to difficult experiences, a habit that is tied to cardiovascular risk and alexithymia.” Participants rated how “upset” and “distressed” they felt before and after this writing exercise. The result? Those who practiced self-compassion seemed to feel better. The self-compassionate writing decreased bad feelings even more among participants with a high fear of compassion, compared to the self-esteem and free-writing approaches. This suggests that writing about a difficult personal experience through a self-compassionate lens may be more emotionally restorative than other approaches, including trying to preserve self-esteem or just letting it all out. Could self-compassion also help people reach out for support, despite their fear of receiving compassion? After the first exercise, researchers asked participants to write something else: a letter about their difficult experience, which they would ultimately share with another participant whom they had never met. Afterward, researchers claimed, participants would be paired up to exchange letters and discuss their experiences together. Before writing the letters, participants reported how risky it felt, in that moment, to share their story. (Despite this forewarning — perhaps as a welcome surprise — the experiment ended at this point: no actual discussion occurred.) In general, the more fearful participants were, the riskier it felt to write and share the letter. But for participants in the self-compassion group, that link diminished. Thus, self-compassion not only lessened participants’ negative feelings in the moment, but also made a subsequent opportunity for self-disclosure seem less risky. “Moreover, as self-compassion has been linked to feeling more secure and connected to others within one’s social world, practicing self-compassion might have led these individuals to feel safer, less threatened, and thereby more trusting of others, loosening the connection between their fears and the perceived risks associated with self-disclosure,” the researchers wrote. To reduce fears around receiving compassion, people who are willing may also benefit from training in offering compassion to others. As former Greater Good Science Center postdoctoral fellow Tristin Inagaki’s 2016 study shows, compassion decidedly rewards the giver, too. For others, treatments like Compassion-Focused Therapy may be the best approach. The bottom line: graciously receiving compassion is a skill, one well worth developing. ● Stop beating yourself up for flaws and mistakes. Try this self-compassion letter from Greater Good In Action Written by Greater Good Science Center This article originally appeared on Greater Good, the online magazine of the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley. Happiness.com is honoured to republish them with the kind permission of the Greater Good Science Center. greatergood.berkeley.edu

Jeder, der in der Pubertät im Hormonchaos war (und vor allem der, der gerade mitten drin ist) kann ein Lied davon singen, dass Hormone eine große Rolle in unserem Gefühlsleben spielen. Frauen sind sich dessen oft besonders bewusst. Manche spüren sogar die feinen Unterschiede, die durch Ebbe und Flut von Östrogen und Progesteron ausgelöst werden. Weniger bekannt sind die sogenannten Glückshormone und Neurotransmitter, die Laune und Wohlbefinden aller beeinflussen. Und ja, wir meinen damit wirklich alle, auch viele Tiere, alle Menschen, Kinder, unsere Nachbarn und besonders auch dich und mich. Hormone und Neurotransmitter sind Moleküle, die als chemischer Nachrichtendienst fungieren. Der Hauptunterschied zwischen beiden Stoffen ist, dass die Hormone vom endokrinen System als chemische Impulse freigesetzt werden, während Neurotransmitter vom zentralen Nervensystem als elektrische Impulse verschickt werden. Die beiden Systeme arbeiten Hand in Hand, sodass die Unterscheidung schwierig wird. Manche Moleküle (zum Beispiel das Glückshormon Oxytocin) treten sogar als beides auf. Die Glückshormone: Serotonin, Dopamin und Oxytocin Zusammengezählt hat der Mensch um die 50 Hormone, während um die 100 Neurotransmitter bekannt sind. Einige der Hormone, die mit Glücksgefühlen assoziiert werden, sind: Serotonin Dopamin Oxytocin Andere Einflussfaktoren sind Adrenalin und Cortisol, Melatonin, GABA, Endorphine und Norepinephrine. Forscher*innen sind sich darüber einig [1] , dass auch viele andere Faktoren, wie ökonomische Stabilität [2] und zwischenmenschliche Beziehungen, um nur zwei Beispiele zu nennen, das Glück beeinflussen. Es ist wichtig, sich daran zu erinnern, dass die Effekte von Glückshormonen und Neurotransmittern zwar von Wissenschaftler*innen erforscht werden, aber keine neurochemische Reaktion alleine ein schneller Garant zum Glücklichsein ist – stattdessen greifen sie wie Zahnräder ineinander. Serotonin Auch bekannt als 5-Hydrotryptamin (5-HT) [3], ist Serotonin ein komplexer Neurotransmitter [4] (Glückshormon ist also nicht 100% richtig) , der uns, einfach gesprochen Selbstvertrauen und Selbstachtung schenkt. Zum Beispiel ist unser Serotonin Spiegel [5] höher, wenn wir uns gesehen fühlen und als Teil einer Gruppe. Umgekehrt werden Gefühle von Einsamkeit und Depression normalerweise mit niedrigen Serotonin Spiegeln assoziiert. Vielleicht sagt dir der Name durch die Serotonin-Wiederaufnahmehemmer [4] (auch SSRI genannt) etwas: Eine gängige Art der Medikation gegen Depressionen, Angstzustände, Angst-, Panik- und Zwangsstörungen, Posttraumatische Belastungsstörungen und Essstörungen. Bei einem Durchbruch in der medizinischen Forschung von psychischen Krankheiten wurde Depression mit verschiedenen potenziellen Ursachen in Verbindung gebracht – und nicht ausschließlich mit einem niedrigen Serotonin-Spiegel. Dennoch, auch wenn der Schlüssel zu einem sonnigen Gemüt nicht mehr einfach auf den Neurotransmitter zurückzuführen ist, scheint die Forschung trotzdem zu empfehlen, den Spiegel nicht sinken zu lassen, um sich glücklicher zu fühlen. Eine erhöhte Serotonin Aktivität erlaubt es dem Menschen sich selbst in Situationen zu begeben, die ihre Selbstachtung steigern können und ihr Selbstwertgefühl und Zugehörigkeitsgefühl vergrößern; als Reaktion steigt der Serotonin Spiegel noch mehr an. „Glücklicherweise gibt es eine große Bandbreite an Methoden, um sich selbst ab und an einen Höhenflug an Glück zu geben“ Um diesen positiven Kreislauf von Serotonin ins Laufen zu bringen, können wir uns selbst so gut es geht herausfordern, und in Situationen begeben, die unser Zugehörigkeitsgefühl, Selbstwertgefühl und unsere Selbstachtung verstärken. Zum Beispiel können wir uns ehrenamtlich engagieren (was wiederum unsere sozialen Beziehungen stärkt und uns dadurch noch glücklicher macht!), oder wir bündeln unsere Kräfte für eine Sache, von der wir überzeugst sind, oder fangen an zu sporteln und werden Teil einer Mannschaft. So können wir unseren Serotonin-Spiegel erhöhen Studien [6] haben gezeigt, dass Sportler*innen einen höheren Serotonin-Spiegel haben. Sportliche Betätigungen wie Fahrradfahren und Joggen [7] sind bekannte Mittel, um Serotonin zu erhöhen, aber auch der positive Einfluss der Sonne oder eine wohlverdiente Massage lassen den Spiegel ansteigen. „Ein weiterer Weg unser Serotonin nach oben zu treiben führt über das Reflektieren der Dinge, die unser Leben ausmachen, also beispielsweise Erfahrungen, Menschen und Situationen, die uns dankbar, geliebt und wertvoll werden lassen. Unser Gehirn wird Serotonin produzieren, unabhängig davon, ob die Situation ausgedacht ist oder wir eine Erinnerung abrufen.“ Sich auf das Positive konzentrieren – auch wenn es nicht alle Probleme lösen wird – kann uns helfen, uns besser zu fühlen. Einige Wege, das zu erreichen, beinhalten sich die Zeit zu nehmen, um mit positiven Affirmationen zu arbeiten, zu reflektieren oder die Dinge für die wir dankbar bist sogar schriftlich in einem Dankbarkeitstagebuch festzuhalten – sogar das Schwelgen in Erinnerungen mit alten Fotos von einem tollen Abend mit Freunden zaubern uns ein Lächeln auf die Lippen und bringen unser Serotonin in Fahrt. Wie können wir das Glückshormon Serotonin freisetzen? Indem wir uns in Situationen begeben, die unser Selbstwertgefühl, unsere Selbstachtung und unser Zugehörigkeitsgefühl stärken Zum Beispiel Teil einer Mannschaft oder eines Vereins werden oder uns ehrenamtlich engagieren Indem wir Sport treiben, beispielsweise eine Runde Fahrrad fahren oder Joggen Sich in die Sonne setzen – wenn die Haut UV-Strahlen absorbiert, kurbelt das die Serotonin-Produktion an Bei einem langen Spaziergang können wir Sonne und Sport ideal verbinden und die Produktion der Glückshormone ankurbeln Uns glückliche Momente, Erinnerungen oder positive Affirmationen ins Gedächtnis rufen oder uns auf die Dinge konzentrieren, für die wir dankbar sind. Dopamine Wie auch Serotonin, ist Dopamin ein Neurotransmitter. Oft beschrieben als der Neurochemische Stoff, der am engsten mit Glück verbunden ist, ist es präziser zu sagen, dass Dopamin für das Belohnungs-gesteuerte Verhalten verantwortlich [4] ist und für das Vergnügen, wenn Leistungen erreicht werden. Unser Dopaminstoß setzt ein, wenn wir stolz auf uns selbst sind, wenn wir unser Lieblingsessen aus der Kindheit essen, wenn wir ein Geschnek bekommen und natürlich, wenn wir gewinnen. Einige Studien [8] legen nahe, dass die Extrovertierteren und aufgeschlossenen Persönlichkeitstypen einen höheren Dopaminspiegel haben könnten, als ihre introvertierteren Gegenüber. Das könnte auch einer der Hauptgründe von Zielstrebigkeit sein, da Prokrastination und Selbstzweifel mit niedrigen Spiegeln an Dopamin in Verbindung gebracht wurden. Genau wie beim Serotonin hängt der Erfolg dieses Neurotransmitters, unsere Emotionen zu regulieren, in einer empfindlichen Balance [9] : Werden zu wenig Dopamin Moleküle freigesetzt, kann Parkinson auftreten (interessanterweise spielt der Dopamin-Spiegel auch eine große Rolle in motorischen Reaktionen), einhergehend mit einem langsamen Verlust der motorischen Fähigkeiten, Stimmungs- und Schlafstörungen. Andererseits kann ein zu hoher Spiegel an Dopamin Molekülen zu Symptomen wie Manie und Halluzinationen [10] führen und wird auch im Zusammenhang mit erhöhtem impulsgesteuertem Verhalten erwähnt. So erhöhen wir unseren Dopamin-Spiegel Wir können ein großes Ziel in viele kleine Ziele herunterbrechen und uns Pausen gönnen, um jeden Erfolg anzuerkennen. Wenn wir das das geschafft haben, können wir uns neue (realistische) Ziele setzen. Jeder kleine Erfolg auf dem Weg zum Ziel motiviert uns und lässt unseren Dopamin-Spiegel steigen. In aller Kürze erzeugen wir so durch eine erhöhte Dopamin Ausschüttung eine größere Motivation, mehr Dopamin zu generieren – also nähren wir diese Rückkopplungsschleife der Glückshormone, ohne es zu übertreiben. „Während viele stark abhängig machenden Substanzen auf das Dopamin System einwirken, können wir unsere Dopamin Aktivität durch kleine Erfolge erhöhen. Die Definition von Erfolg bleibt uns selbst überlassen. Wir können uns also viele einfache Zwischenziele setzen.“ Was auch hilft: Musik! Musik hören, bei der wir uns gut fühlen, Musik, die uns bewegt, Musik, die uns Gänsehaut bereitet. Eine Studie [11] analysierte den Dopaminspiegel von Proband*innen, die Musik hörten, die ihnen musikalische Schauer bereitete und stellten fest, dass die Dopamin Ausschüttung höher war, wenn es das tat. Musik ist untrennbar mit unserem innersten Belohnungssystem und damit den Glückshormonen verbunden Die Ergebnisse einer anderen Studie zeigen, dass auch Sport Dopamin-Ausschüttungen [12] erhöhen kann, oder auch greifbare Honorierungen, wie Essen oder Geld. Im Umkehrschluss heißt das: Eine physische Aktivität finden, zu der wir uns regelmäßig motivieren können, ein bisschen Geld sparen (um am Ende des Monats dieses Geld dann als Belohnung zu haben), und gesundes und leckeres Essen zu kochen und mit Genuss und Dankbarkeit zu verzehren. Wie können wir das Glückshormon Dopamin freisetzen? Indem wir uns kleine erreichbare Zwischenziele setzen und uns bewusst an dem freuen was wir bereits erreicht haben. Damit nimmt die Motivation und der Spaß am nächsten Schritt automatisch zu. Wir können uns bereits ein neues Ziel zu stecken, bevor wir das Aktuelle erreicht haben Aus persönlicher Erfahrung kann ich dir raten: Wenn es sich überfordernd anfühlt, solltest du eine Pause machen Musik genießen: Studien haben gezeigt, dass je mehr uns die Musik berührt, desto mehr steigt unser Dopamin-Spiegel an Sport machen steigert sowohl unseren Dopamin-, als auch unseren Serotonin-Spiegel Auf eine größere Belohnung hin sparen Und um unsere Geschmacksknospen zu verwöhnen, können wir ein Essen kochen, dass super schmeckt und uns gleichzeitig glücklich macht. Haben wir dazu Familie oder Freunde zu Gast klappt das umso besser. Oxytocin Oxytocin gehört zu den Proteohormonen (was bedeutet, seine Moleküle sind Peptide oder Proteine) und besteht aus neun Aminosäuren, die von der Hirnanhangsdrüse ausgeschüttet werden. Es hat eine wichtige Bedeutung beim Geburtsprozess und beim Milchspendereflex [13]. Es ist bei der Geburt eines Kindes aktiv, aber auch auch bei jeglichem anderen physischem Kontakt, und es ist auch bekannt als Auslöser für Verhaltensmuster und Physiologische Effekte [1] „wie fürsorgliche, sexuelle und soziale Verhaltensweisen“. Mit anderen Worten, es unterstützt soziale Interaktion und ist (hauptsächlich) mit positivem sozialem Verhalten assoziiert. Da der Oxytocin Spiegel beim Stillen zwischen Mutter und Kind steigt, und weil er auch durch Umarmungen, Sex, Orgasmus und generell bei Hautkontakt steigt, wird Oxytocin oft als „Kuschelhormon“ oder „Bindungshormon“ bezeichnet. Tatsächlich haben einige Studien gezeigt, dass eine Steigerung von Oxytocin auch Vertrauen [14] fördert. In experimentellen Studien, in denen Oxytocin als potenzielle Behandlung für Autismus untersucht wurde, wurde herausgefunden, dass eine Ergänzung des Neurochemischen Stoffes [15] die emotionale Erkennung zu verbessern scheint (was wichtig ist, da Autist*innen oft Probleme haben, menschliche Emotionen zu erkennen). „Aufgrund der signifikanten Übereinstimmung zwischen sozialer Bindung und Zufriedenheit mit dem Leben, könnten tatsächlich der Oxytocin-Spiegel der Schlüssel zu einem glücklicherem Leben sein.“ Oxytocin ist allerdings auch für kompliziertere Dinge als Bindung und Vertrauen zuständig. Ed Yong vertritt auf Slate [16] die Meinung, dass es „Vertrauen und Großzügigkeit in manchen Situationen fördert, aber Neid und Vorurteile in anderen.“ Eine Studie fand heraus, dass die Aufnahme von Oxytocin Gefühle von Neid und Schadenfreude [17] erhöht, während eine andere behauptet, dass Oxytocin sowohl ein Gefühl von Geschlossenheit [18] im Freundeskreis hervorrufen kann, als auch bei manchen Einzelpersonen das Misstrauen in Fremde nährt. Mit anderen Worten wird sich das Vertrauens- und Bindungsgefühl nur bei denjenigen verstärken, denen wir vertrauen und denen wir von Beginn an offen gegenüber treten. Letztlich liegt es also wieder bei uns selbst wie wir mit der Welt interagieren wollen, denn wir sind den Hormonen nicht ausgeliefert. Neid kann entstehen, aber ob wir uns daraufhin davon leiten lassen bleibt unsere Entscheidung. Glückshormon Oxytocin wird bei liebevoller Umarmung ausgeschüttet Wie dem auch sei, auch wenn Oxytocin nicht alleine für die positive Bindung und Freundschaft zwischen Menschen verantwortlich sein mag, spielt es trotzdem eine große Rolle in unserer Interaktion mit anderen. Oxytocin wird in Momenten geteilter Intimität freigesetzt – sei es familiär, platonisch, romantisch und sexuell. Wie können wir unseren Glückshormon Oxytocin-Spiegel erhöhen? Durch die Teilnahme an Gruppenaktivitäten (sollten sie physischer Natur sein, umso besser) Indem wir uns Zeit für Kuscheln, Streicheln und Intimität nehmen Zeit in unsere sozialen Bindungen investieren Und auch ein Hund lässt unseren Oxytocin-Spiegel steigen Es ist in der Tat so, dass sich Hundebesitzer*innen (und auch die Hunde selbst, um ganz genau zu sein) um ihren Oxytocin-Spiegel keine Sorgen machen brauchen. Studien zeigten [19], dass nicht nur kraulen und Zeit mit dem Hund den Oxytocin-Spiegel erhöht, sondern dass bereits gegenseitiger Blickkontakt reicht, um das Oxytocin rapide ansteigen zu lassen. Weitere neurochemische Substanzen des Glücks: Endorphine Der Name bedeutet übersetzt „selbst-produzierendes Morphin“ - und das aus gutem Grund: Endorphine sind besonders für ihre schmerzstillende Wirkung bekannt. Dieser Neurotransmitter [4] ist während intensiven Cardio-Trainings, während Muskelaufbau, Sex, Orgasmen und den meisten anstrengend physischen Betätigungen in großen Mengen vorhanden. Trainieren bringt unser Glückshormon Endorphin-Level nach oben, genauso wie Akupunktur [4] und Lachen (sogar die Erwartung eines Lachens [20] wird den Endorphin-Glückshormon-Spiegel steigen lassen). GABA GABA ist ein hemmendes Molekül, dass das Feuern der Neuronen verlangsamt: kurz gesagt, es macht uns ruhig. Wir können GABA fördern, indem wir meditativen Tätigkeiten nachgehen, wie Gärtnern, Stricken, Mandalas ausmalen, Meditieren und vor allem Yoga z.B. Yin-Yoga. Adrenalin (oder Epinephrine) und Cortisol Ein Hormon/Neurotransmitter beziehungsweise ein Glukokortikoid. Sie werden von der Nebenniere ausgeschüttet. Sie regulieren Stress (z.B. der Adrenalin Schub). Auch wenn noch mehr Studien notwendig sind, scheinen Testpersonen mit niedrigerem Level an Cortisol [1] im Speichel und einem niedrigeren Adrenalin Level im Urin mehr Glücksgefühle zu besitzen; selbst wenn die Ergebnisse korrelieren und nicht ursächlich sind, ist es nie verkehrt chronischen Stress zu reduzieren. Melatonin Melatonin wird von der Zirbeldrüse produziert und ist am besten bekannt als Schlafregulator. Mittlerweile weiß man aber, dass es unser gesamtes Wohlbefinden [1] und unsere Glücksgefühle beeinflusst (durchbrochene Schlafmuster treten oft als Symptom von größeren Stimmungsstörungen auf). Um das Melatonin-Level in der Waage zu halten, können wir auf besseren Schlaf achten und sicher stellen, dass wir unsere elektronische Geräte vor dem Schlafengehen ausschalten [21] . Norepinephrin Ähnlich wie Dopamin wurde Norepinephrin (auch Noradrenalin genannt) mit Depressionen [22] verknüpft. Neuere Forschung [1] induziert, dass selektive Norepinephrin-Wiederaufnahme-Hemmer, die als Antidepressivum eingesetzt werden, „eine positive emotionale Wahrnehmungsverzerrung bei gesunden Proband*innen induzieren.“ Norephinephrin lässt sich auf viele Arten erhöhen [23] , zum Beispiel durch eine kalte Dusche oder einen Powernap. „Die gute Nachricht ist, dass, je mehr wir uns um uns selbst sorgen, desto besser wird unsere Balance und desto glücklicher werden wir uns fühlen.“ Summa summarum, sind Glückshormone und Neurotransmitter nicht so einfach zu handhaben, wie wir sie uns manchmal wünschen würden. Eine neurochemische Substanz ist nicht allein für eine einzelne Funktion zuständig, und ein glücklicheres Leben kann nicht einfach durch das Anheben der einzelnen Level so weit wir es können, hergestellt werden; wie die meisten Dinge im Leben, funktioniert auch das nur in einer fein abgestimmten Balance. Wie wir Glückshormone freisetzen können: Zeit mit Freunden verbringen und tiefe Freundschaften pflegen Ausreichend Schlaf und Erholung Aktive Stressbewältigung z.B. mit einen MBSR Kurs Das Leben nicht so ernst nehmen und oft lachen Kuschen und Intimität mit dem Partner/ der Partnerin Ein Hund macht glücklich Dem Leben einen Sinn geben und auf dieses Ziel mit kleinen Schritten hinarbeiten. Jeden Schritt gebührend feiern. Ganz bewusst Dankbarkeit praktizieren z.B. mit einem Gratitude Journal Sport und Sonnenschein: Spazieren gehen (mit dem besagten Hund), Joggen, oder Mannschaftssportarten Sich in der Freiwilligenarbeit in einer Gruppe engagieren Zu guter Letzt hilft auch ein Stück Schokolade und Glückshormone freizusetzen. z.B. Tryptophan - eine in der Schokolade enthaltene Aminosäure, wird im Körper in das Glückshormon Serotonin umwandelt. Genuß und Dankbarkeit sowie ein bisschen Zucker tun ihr Übriges. Main picture: colourbox.com Quellen [1] https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4449495/ [2] https://www.happiness.com/en/magazine/science-psychology/economic-hardship-happiness/ [3] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Serotonin [4] https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-athletes-way/201211/the-neurochemicals-happiness [5] https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/kc/serotonin-facts-232248 [6] https://www.humboldt-foundation.de/web/kosmos-cover-story-97-1.html [7] https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/prefrontal-nudity/201111/boosting-your-serotonin-activity [8] https://today.uconn.edu/2012/11/uconn-researcher-dopamine-not-about-pleasure-anymore/ [9] https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2016/08/160831085320.htm [10] http://www.jneurosci.org/content/30/26/8888 [11] https://www.bbc.com/news/health-12135590 [12] https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/12758062 [13] https://www.humboldt-foundation.de/web/kosmos-cover-story-97-1.html [14] https://www.nature.com/articles/nature03701 [15] https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0006322309011226 [16] http://www.slate.com/articles/health_and_science/medical_examiner/2012/07/oxytocin_is_not_a_love_drug_don_t_give_it_to_kids_with_autism_.html [17] https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/19640508 [18] https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/21220339 [19] http://nautil.us/issue/50/emergence/how-we-really-tamed-the-dog [20] http://www.fasebj.org/cgi/content/meeting_abstract/20/4/A382-b [21] https://hbr.org/2015/08/research-shows-how-anxiety-and-technology-are-affecting-our-sleep [22] https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3131098/ [23] https://bebrainfit.com/balance-norepinephrine/ Aus dem englischen Original von Rae Bathgate Rae ist eine amerikanische Journalistin, die in Barcelona wohnt. Dort genießt sie die Sonne, macht Yoga steigert so ihre Glückshormone und geht ihrem besonderes Hobby, dem Buchbinden, nach.

Falls du den Spruch „Geld macht nicht glücklich“ schon einmal gehört hast, hast du dich vielleicht auch schon mal gefragt, ob das stimmt. Schließlich ist ein Großteil des Elends, das in der Welt vorkommt, ein Resultat fehlender finanzieller Mittel. Studien deuten darauf hin, dass an dieser Aussage durchaus etwas dran sein kann und du kein Geld brauchst, um in deinem Leben glücklich zu sein. Bruce Headey befasst sich in seinem Artikel „Lebensziele, die zum Glücklichsein führen“, mit dem Problem des subjektiven Wohlbefindens oder, kurz gesagt, mit SWB. Er untersucht die Einflüsse des Geldes auf materialistische und nicht-materialistische Lebensziele. Headey fand heraus, dass Menschen mit nicht-materialistischen Lebenszielen von größerer Zufriedenheit in ihrem Leben berichten, als Menschen, die eher materialistische Ziele verfolgen. Die Sollwert-Theorie Viele Studien, die sich mit diesen Fragen befassen, verwenden als Grundlage ihres Ansatzes ein Konzept, das als Sollwert-Theorie bezeichnet wird. Die Sollwert-Theorie besagt, dass es schwierig, wenn nicht gar unmöglich ist, dein Level an Glück zu verändern. Sie behauptet, deine Fähigkeit, glücklich zu sein, ist von Beginn an festgelegt. Diese Theorie wird aber zunehmend in Frage gestellt und untersucht. Dafür betrachten Forscher die Auswirkungen von negativen Lebensereignissen im Leben eines Menschen. Es gibt verschiedene Faktoren, die die Fähigkeit eines Menschen, Glück zu empfinden, beeinflussen können. Mit Therapien, Behandlungen oder Änderungen des Lebensstils ist es möglich, an diesen Situationen aus der Vergangenheit zu arbeiten. Ein weiterer Punkt, über den man nachdenken sollte, wenn man diese Theorie hinterfragt. VERWANDTES THEMA: Warum du dich für Glück entscheiden kannst (mit acht Wegen, die du ab heute gehen kannst) Ein weiterer Grund, warum diese Theorie hinterfragt werden sollte, ist, dass angenommen wird, Menschen seien nicht in der Lage, ihr Glück deutlich zu verbessern - ein sehr negativer Standpunkt. Als letzte Überlegung denken wir an die Kraft unserer Gedanken und daran, dass sie mit konzentrierter Anstrengung einiges überwinden können. Es lohnt sich also, einen zweiten Blick darauf zu werfen, ob diese Theorie anwendbar ist. Mit der Zeit zu mehr Zufriedenheit Eine aktuelle, langjährige deutsche Studie untersucht das SWB und wie "Nullsummen-Ziele" als auch "Nicht-Nullsummen-Ziele" das Glück beeinflussen. Nullsummen-Ziele sind Lebensziele, die sich auf Status oder Reichtum beziehen. Nicht-Nullsummen-Ziele bedeuten nicht-materialistische Lebensziele, die das Familienleben oder altruistische Aktivitäten betreffen. Große Blase: Status und Shopping machen nicht glücklich Die langjährige Studie begann 1984. Durch diese lange Zeitspanne konnten sich die Forscher ein umfassendes Bild davon machen, wie sich das Level der Zufriedenheit der Befragten über einen großen Zeitraum hinweg verändert hat. Die Veränderungen, die sich in der Langzeitstudie zeigten, hatten eine große Aussagekraft, mehr als jede andere Studie zu diesem Thema. Glück kann man nicht kaufen Die Studie kam zu dem Schluss, dass Menschen, die mehr Wert auf Nicht-Nullsummen-Ziele, wie Familienleben legten, eine größere Zufriedenheit in ihrem Leben empfanden, als Menschen, die eher materialistische Nullsummen-Ziele anstrebten. Tatsächlich schien das Streben nach Geld und Status die Glücksgefühle sogar aktiv zu schädigen. Eine Erkenntnis, die nicht unbedingt überrascht. Schließlich ist es wahrscheinlich, dass das Familienleben daran leidet, wenn die Energie in berufliche und finanzielle Ziele gesteckt wird. Doch warum gibt es diese Trennung zwischen den beiden Lebenszielen überhaupt? Warum liegt der Fokus so oft auf dem materiellem Gewinn, wenn es der Person letztlich schädigt? Der Grund ist ganz einfach: Man kann nicht alles haben. VERWANDTES THEMA: Wirtschaftliche Not: Drei Dinge, die in finanziell schwierigen Zeiten Glück bringen Warum dir materialistische Lebensziele schaden Die Frage lautet also: Warum werden die Leute durch weniger oder nicht-materialistische Ziele glücklicher, als wenn sie sich auf die materiellen Ziele konzentrieren? Eine wahrscheinliche Erklärung dafür ist die Angst, den eigenen Status zu verlieren. Das bedeutet, wenn du einmal einen höheren Status erreicht hast, reicht er dir schon nicht mehr aus. Stattdessen fühlst du dich dazu bemüßigt, deine Möglichkeiten auszuleben, deinen Lebensziel zu zeigen und in der Tat einen noch höheren zu erreichen. Materielle Ziele haben eine Spirale aus höheren Zielen, mehr Arbeit und Stress und weniger Beziehungen zur Folge Wenn du also befördert wirst und eine Gehaltserhöhung bekommst, musst du dieses Geld für ein teureres Auto ausgeben. Du musst in ein besseres Wohnviertel ziehen. Und im Umkehrschluss musst du viel arbeiten, um das alles zu bezahlen und das Level halten zu können. Du wirst anfangen, dich mit Menschen aus einem höheren Einkommenslevel anzufreunden. Was wiederum dazu führt, dass du deinen Lebensstil dem ihren anpasst. Unabhängig davon, ob dein Einkommen dafür ausreicht oder nicht. Und wenn dein Stresslevel steigt, merkst du, dass du deinen gut bezahlten Job nicht aufgeben kannst, denn das hätte Folgen für deinen Lebensstandard. Hast du einmal einen spürbar höheren Lebensstandard erreicht, ist es extrem schwer, ihn wieder loszulassen. Das ist der Effekt der Aufwärtsspirale. Auf der anderen Seite sind nicht-materielle Lebensziele ein Vorteil für dich selbst und für andere. Wir fühlen tiefe Zufriedenheit, wenn wir uns ohne finanzielle Gegenleistung ehrenamtlich engagieren. Darin sehen wir, dass es von Bedeutung ist, anderen zu helfen. Und dass Dinge von Bedeutung zufrieden machen. Diese Großzügigkeit fühlt sich an, als könnten wir einen Unterschied machen. Ein harmonisches Familienleben hat ohne Zweifel einen positiven Effekt auf unser Wohlbefinden. Dazu gehört auch, dass wir unsere Freizeit in einer angenehmen Umgebung und mit Menschen verbringen, mit denen wir uns wohlfühlen. Wir entscheiden uns dafür, Familie und gute Freunde zu haben. Und im Gegensatz zu den Menschen, mit denen wir unsere Arbeitszeit verbringen, sollten wir mit Familie und Freunde die Zeit gerne verbringen wollen. Zeit mit der Familie ist ein Schlüssel zum Glück Schlussfolgerungen für nicht-materielle Lebensziele Es ist nicht per se schlecht, sich Ziele zu stecken, denn das kann uns ja auch motivieren. Aber die Ziele sollten auf gesunde und produktive Art und Weise gesetzt werden. Als Folgerung daraus können wir darauf achten, dass das Streben nach materialistischen Zielen nicht auf Kosten des Familienlebens und nicht-materialistischen Ziele geht. Die vernünftige Lösung besteht also darin, ein Gleichgewicht zwischen den finanziellen Sicherheitsbedürfnissen und denen deiner Familie zu schaffen und dich um dein „Innerstes“ zu kümmern. Diese Balance zwischen den drei Bedürfnissen erfordert Ehrgeiz und Motivation. Das Ergebnis ist diese Mühen wert. Tiefe Beziehungen sind die Basis eines glücklichen Lebens. Ein gewisses Maß an finanzieller Sicherheit ist unerlässlich. Jeder, der sich Sorgen darüber machen muss, wie er seine Rechnungen bezahlen soll, ist garantiert gestresst. Aber materialistische Ziele sollten das Leben nicht beherrschen. Dadurch wird nur die oben erwähnte Aufwärtsspirale in Gang gesetzt. Stattdessen kannst du viel gewinnen, wenn du einen Großteil deiner Zeit deiner Familie, deinen Freunde (auch Freunde aus der Arbeit) und der Gemeinschaft widmest. Denn mit ihnen gibt es wichtige und tiefe Verbindungen und Beziehungen in deinem Leben, was laut einer Harvard-Studie der Schlüssel zu einem glücklichen Leben ist. Das Gleichgewicht zwischen materiellen Lebenszielen und nicht-materialistischen Lebenszielen ist dabei für die Entstehung und die Erhaltung von Glück in deinem Leben essenziell. Titelbild: Colorbox.com Geschrieben von Gastautor Wir veröffentlichen regelmäßig Gastartikeln zu verschiedenen Themen. Wenn auch du Interesse an einem Gastartikel hast, kannst du uns gerne kontaktieren!

When Calvin Holbrook started hyperventilating and having chest pains on a bus in the middle of the motorway, he thought he was having a heart attack. In fact, it was his first panic attack – one of many that were to come. Here's how he learned to cope. A weird tingling began in the fingers of both hands before slowly spreading up my arms towards my shoulders. At the same time, the left-side of my chest clammed up tight and I was struggling to breathe. Sweat started to pour from my palms and my heart was pounding. Feeling dizzy, I was struggling to understand what was happening. A dreaded feeling like I was about to die washed over me: was I having a heart attack? A sudden urge to get up and run home as fast as possible hit me. But I couldn’t do that. Why? Because I was speeding down the motorway from Stanstead Airport to central London on a packed bus full of tourists. Great. I didn't know it, but I was, in fact, having my first panic attack. Likewise, I didn’t know it then but these were symptoms I’d continue to endure and try to manage over the next few years. In reality, they're symptoms I still have to manage, sometimes on a day-to-day basis, and which have – at times – had a real impact on my happiness. Panic attacks: my first experience It may sound dramatic, but what happened that day on the bus really did change my life. Terrified I was having a heart attack, I crawled out of my seat to the driver who was, of course, trying to concentrate on not killing us all while driving into London. But it already felt like I was dying! I sat and described my symptoms to him, but obviously he couldn’t just pull-up as we were in the middle of the motorway. He calmly asked me to sit in the corridor and rest and said we’d stop as soon as it was possible. Home alone: panic attacks can leave you feeling isolated Thankfully, one lovely lady came and sat with me, telling me to take deep breaths into my tummy. She also called for an ambulance. I felt so embarrassed and could hear everyone else on the bus talking and even complaining about what was happening, but the kindness from this one person really help me through. “Feeling dizzy, I was struggling to understand what was happening. A dreaded feeling like I was about to die washed over me: was I having a heart attack?” Eventually we reached the hard shoulder and the bus pulled over. I got off, still struggling to breathe, and sat with my head between my legs. When the ambulance crew arrived they took my blood, gave me oxygen and asked a few questions. My blood results were clear for a heart attack but the paramedics didn’t specifically say what had happened either which left me worried. They said I could go to hospital but it would probably be a waste of time, so, after I’d calmed down, I headed to the nearest Tube station to make my way to my friend’s place where I was staying. It was then that I vomited – luckily, in a bin on the station platform: the stress of my first panic attack had clearly taken its toll on my body. Panic attacks: the aftermath The next day, the anxiety had come and gone but some of the physical symptoms still sat with me. My chest felt so tender, like it was bruised inside. In fact, this pain lasted for months afterwards, leaving me convinced it was something more than a panic attack and that I'd definitely had a heart attack. I felt exhausted for weeks, too, like I’d been knocked over by a bus – instead of just having my first anxiety attack on one! Helping hand: anxiety attacks feel like you're drowning in panic, but you can get better But, as anyone who lives with panic attacks or panic disorder knows, that’s the thing: during the attack, the symptoms are so physical they can be totally debilitating. When I first suffered this enormous bout of anxiety I thought, 'Can worry and anxiety really make my body react in such an extreme?' As I started researching the condition online, the answer of course was, hell, yes! Panic attacks: the science bit Aside from being one of the most terrifying things you can ever go through, according to the NHS, a panic attack is ‘a feeling of sudden and intense anxiety. They can have physical symptoms, including shaking, feeling disorientated, nausea, rapid, irregular heartbeats, dry mouth, breathlessness, sweating and dizziness. The symptoms of a panic attack are not dangerous, but can be very frightening.’ In fact, these physical symptoms are caused by your body going into so-called ‘fight or flight’ mode: it’s preparing to fight for survival from some threat (known or unknown). Hormones including adrenaline are released, causing the heart to beat faster and your muscles to tense up. So, as your body tries to take in more oxygen, your breathing speeds up. And that’s about the time that you’ll probably start freaking out. But the really important thing to remember – although it’s very hard in the moment – is that your life is not in danger when you're having an anxiety attack. What causes panic attacks? Annoyingly, they can begin suddenly, without any warning, striking at any time. However, sometimes there are triggers: it could be from drinking too much caffeine, taking drugs or other stimulants, or because you're going through a worrying and stressful period (check, check, check!). To be honest, I think my first panic attack was a mixture of all three. I’d been out the night before, hadn’t slept, and then gone to the airport to take a plane to London. In hindsight, this was, of course, a Very Stupid Thing To Do. RELATED: How to help someone having a panic attack – 7 key tips After you’ve had a few panic attacks, you start to learn what the triggers are. For me, coffee is definitely a biggie, as is consuming too much booze the night before. I’ve managed to cut down on both (although cutting coffee is way harder than alcohol) and have definitely noticed a decrease in attacks. However, these intense, terrifying rushes of anxiety have become a part of my life and learning to cope with panic attacks is a method of survival. Quit the coffee: caffeine can trigger attacks Living with anxiety While some people may only have a first-ever panic attack and no more, for the less fortunate, like myself, they can become a regular and debilitating occurrence. More often than not, they come on completely out of the blue: here are just a few of the places I’ve had panic attacks: in the swimming pool waiting for food at a restaurant (I had to do a runner before the meal arrived) in the supermarket in a lift (and I wasn’t even trapped in it) at my desk at work (rushing to the toilets to deep breath) on a train on an airplane, as it was about to take off actually, pretty much on every mode of public transport at the sauna. Twice. (yes, probably the most relaxing place you could be) in my bed, my usual post-panic attack go-to space, after a big night out partying Since my first panic attack, I’ve ended up calling ambulances or going to A&E on three or four separate occasions. Each time I was convinced there was something very wrong with me and that it was more than just an anxiety attack– but each time it proved to be just that. “The really important thing to remember – although it’s very hard in the moment – is that your life is not in danger when you're having an anxiety attack.” Indeed, one of the toughest things to do is to train yourself to realize when you’re in a moment of panic and that it will pass eventually. Psychologists recommend that the best thing to do is to try and ride it out, instead of trying to run away from it. If you try to fight the fear, it just grips around you even more. RELATED: How to stop a panic attack – 12 tips on what to do In fact, the quickest and best way to deal with panic attacks is to stop and take long, deep breaths into your tummy for seven seconds, hold another seven, then out for seven seconds. This regulates your oxygen/carbon dioxide levels and helps bring your heart rate back to normal after some time. Anxiety attacks, panic disorder and agoraphobia When anxiety attacks become a regular occurrence, it’s defined as panic disorder. Sufferers will even try to avoid places or situations which remind them of past panic attacks, and in worst case scenarios, this can lead to agoraphobia. Luckily, I haven’t reached that stage yet, but some days I’ve felt more comfortable just staying in, rather than risk the fear of having a repeat attack. It seems I’m in good company, though, as celebrated author Matt Haig has lived with them for years, something he describes so well in his recent memoir, Reasons To Stay Alive, which is full of easy-to-read chapters on how to deal with panic attacks, anxiety, depression and mental health. Behind closed doors. don't become trapped in fear of panic I can still clearly remember that horrific first bus journey but, thankfully, the memories are subsiding and I’m learning to live with my anxiety. Just like my horror bus ride, living with panic attacks is also a journey, but one you can learn to deal with and control. If you’re reading this because you’ve just had your first panic attack, know that you can get help and learn to manage them. And while they can be really horrible while you’re going through them, at some point you will calm down and your body will return to its regular state. While panic attacks are indeed hideous and have made me feel like utter crap, one of the worst things for me is the giving up coffee thing. I mean, can you imagine? Have you tasted decaf? ● Are you living with panic/anxiety attacks? Do you remember your first one? Share your experience with the community below… Written by Calvin Holbrook Calvin edits our magazine and is a lover of swimming, yoga, dancing to house/techno, and all things vintage. Find out more.

September was a great month for positive, uplifting news. Ed Gould shares the top ten news stories that you may have missed, to help bring some hope and a smile to your face... As the summer winds up in the northern hemisphere and autumnal days are in the air, it can mean that we naturally become less focussed on happiness and the hopefulness that is abundant in the world. So, to keep the feel-good train running, here's our top picks of happy news stories from September. 1. Hope for those with celiac problems Viennese academics announced in September that they had developed a new therapy which might help to lessen the hypersensitivity many people have to gluten. This is a normal protein found in cereals like wheat and barley, but it can cause great discomfort to sufferers when they eat something as commonplace as bread. Professor Oliver Spadiut, who works at the Integrated Bioprocess Development Research Group at TU Wien, said that the breakthrough could lead to a complete cure by as early as 2021. Rise up: bread could be on the menu for those with celiac disease 2. US coal consumption is down Among the biggest polluters of coal in the world, the United States has taken several measures to reduce its reliance on this fossil fuel. Reuters reported that the US has, in fact, managed to drop its coal consumption down to a 30-year low. This is partly due to the increased take up of wind and solar energy production in many states. Fewer hours are spent burning coal in the country these days to generate electricity. 3. A big Pacific clean-up operation has begun According to CNN, a new vessel has been launched with the sole aim of clearing up much of the rubbish which has ended up in the world's largest ocean. The so-called Ocean Cleanup System 001 has two large floating booms which extend either side of the vessel which literally scoop up anything that is near to the surface. The U-shaped system will clear tonnes of plastic, it's hoped, which it will then transfer to smaller boats to return to land. That has to be positive news for any sea lovers. 4. Weight loss is all in the mind? A positive mental attitude to diet and exercise is one thing but can mental imagery really improve weight loss? According to a recent report in Science Daily, it can. Work undertaken at the University of Plymouth and Queensland University has shown that Functional Imagery Training (FIT) can lead to improved results with losing weight. Those who used the motivational technique were found to have up to five times more success with shedding the pounds. FIT makes use of multi-sensory imagery to teach people how to elicit and practice motivational imagery for themselves. Think fit: positive imagery can help weight loss 5. Paralysed people offered new routes to walking Joint work by scientists at the University of Louisville and the Mayo Clinic has led to some happiness for paralysed people. Those with severe spinal injuries that have left them unable to control their legs may now be able to learn to walk again, thanks to novel electrical implants which help join up the lost nerve signals. The BBC said that those involved with the trials had been upbeat about its potential. Dr Kendall Lee, who co-led one of the teams, said that the therapy is very exciting but that it remains at a very early research stage. 6. New mindfulness techniques gaining popularity in London The Evening Standard reported on a mindfulness technique which it said was taking the UK capital 'by storm'. So-called 'shaking mindfulness' combines a mental approach with a physical one and encourages participants to loosen their limbs in order to release tension. Londoners are, by all accounts, taking up the method in increasing numbers. According to Steve Haines, the man who developed the approach, people can become disconnected from their bodies, and this new mindfulness technique attempts to rectify this. 7. Battery power may reduced carbon dioxide output Researchers at MIT in Massachusetts announced in September that a new form of lithium-based battery they've developed could make use of carbon before it even reaches the atmosphere, where it would otherwise do harm as a greenhouse gas. The idea is that the battery would be able to convert carbon dioxide into a solid mineral carbonate as it discharges. In other words, as you use it, the battery would capture carbon from the environment. The applications would be in carbon capture and storage programmes, hopefully on an industrial scale at power plants. 8. Cheese is good for your heart Cheese may be a delight in many people's eyes but it's never had much of a reputation as a truly healthy food. However, the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition has published a paper which looks into the links between whole dairy products, like cheese, and cardiovascular health. In particular, the work involved studying the consumption of the sorts of saturated fats that are most commonly found in cheese. The study suggested that cheese fat was found to significantly lower the levels of LDL and HDL cholesterol when compared to butter, for example. So, now you can feel not so guilty when tucking into your next slice of the stuff! Brie happy: cheese isn't so bad for you, afterall 9. Hydrogen-powered transportation has arrived It's been the dream of many for so long: a form of fuel which relies on nothing more than hydrogen. In a world first, European rail engineers have developed a fully functioning train which runs on a hydrogen fuel cell. This system was developed by the French firm Alstom but the trains have been put into service in Germany. The Guardian reported that 14 of these zero-emission locomotives are expected to go into service in Lower Saxony by 2021. 10. Groundbreaking diabetes drug trialled in Wales According to Wales Online, patients there are among the first to trial a new therapy that could bring much hope to type 1 diabetes sufferers. Work has begun on a new drug at the University Hospital of Wales in Cardiff and it's expected that analysis of the results will soon be published. It's hoped that the new therapy could reduce the amount of insulin that this type of diabetes patient will require for them to control their condition. The approach tries to get insulin-making cells to regenerate themselves in patients. ● Written by Ed Gould Ed Gould is a UK-based journalist and freelance writer. He's a practitioner of Reiki.

Research suggests that awe can make you happier, healthier, more humble, and more connected to the people around you. Starting 15 years ago, scientists have been studying the complex and mysterious emotion called awe — one you might have felt if you’ve stood in front of the Taj Mahal, hiked among towering redwoods, or had your mind blown at a concert, play, or ballet. Inducing goosebumps and dropped jaws, awe experiences are remarkable in their own right. Moreover, a growing body of research suggests that experiencing awe may lead to a wide range of benefits, from happiness and health to perhaps more unexpected benefits such as generosity, humility, and critical thinking. In our busy lives, seeking awe may be low on our list of priorities. But we might be underestimating its power. “One simple prescription can have transformative effects: look for more daily experiences of awe,” writes the GGSC’s Dacher Keltner. The latest research suggests that taking the time to experience awe — whether through engaging with nature, enjoying great art or music, or even bingeing on breathtaking YouTube videos — may be a pathway to improving your life and relationships. 1. Awe may improve your mood and make you more satisfied with your life Need a mood boost or a stress slayer? Some studies suggest that experiencing awe may help. And you don’t have to take a trip to the Grand Canyon to get the job done. Just watching awe-inducing slideshows and videos can improve your mood and well-being, according to a few studies. Another study found that people who read a short, awe-evoking story about seeing Paris from the top of the Eiffel Tower reported greater life satisfaction in that moment than people who read a story about seeing a plain landscape from up high. World of wonder: the awe-inspiring Taj Mahal Of course, it’s tough to beat real-world experiences — so in a recent study, researchers took military veterans and youth from underserved communities whitewater rafting. They found that the more awe the participants experienced, the more improvement they saw in their well-being and symptoms of stress one week later. According to a different survey the researchers conducted, undergraduate students reported greater life satisfaction and well-being on days when they spent time in nature, which was attributable to the higher level of awe they felt on those days. This suggests that awe just might be a crucial ingredient in nature’s restorative powers. 2. Awe may be good for your health Experiencing awe over time could potentially have long-term health benefits, at least according to one study. People with a greater general tendency to experience awe — but not any of the other seven positive emotions studied — had lower levels of interleukin-6 (IL-6), a marker of inflammation (too much inflammation can lead to a host of chronic diseases). “A growing body of research suggests that experiencing awe may lead to a wide range of benefits, from happiness and health to perhaps more unexpected benefits such as generosity, humility, and critical thinking.” A second part of the study found that participants who reported feeling more “awe, wonder, and amazement that day” had lower levels of IL-6; this was true even after accounting for people’s general tendency to experience awe and be open to new experiences. In other words, all of us — not just people who are prone to experiencing awe frequently — may be able to reap the health benefits of a particularly wondrous day. However, this study can’t tell us whether awe decreases inflammation or whether people with more inflammation are less likely to experience awe — a question for future research. 3. Awe may help you think more critically Some studies suggest that awe may be able to sharpen our brains. One study found that when people were induced to feel awe, they were less persuaded by weak arguments than people who did a neutral activity (imagining doing their laundry). In contrast, some other positive emotions — like anticipatory enthusiasm or amusement — made people more susceptible to weak arguments. Intriguingly, a recent theoretical paper argues that awe may help facilitate scientific learning and reasoning in children. For example, when a child sees an anvil and a feather drop at the same rate in a vacuum, this experience likely violates their intuitive understanding of how gravity works, evoking feelings of awe that lead them to develop a new theory about the relationships between weight, gravity, and motion. Peak condition: experiencing awe may have long-term health benefits Similarly, a recent study found that people who have a greater disposition to experience awe had a more accurate understanding of the nature of science and were more likely to reject creationism and other scientifically questionable explanations about the world. Importantly, these people didn’t have greater “faith” in science; they just understood better how science works. 4. Awe may decrease materialism A few studies suggest that experiencing awe may dampen feelings of materialism. The experiment with the Eiffel Tower story also found that, when given a hypothetical choice between a material good (such as a $50 backpack) or an experiential product (such as a $50 iTunes gift card), people who read the awe-inspiring story chose the experiential product more often than people in the other group did. In another study, participants who recalled an awe experience placed less value on money than did participants who recalled a happy or neutral experience, and viewing awe-inducing images reduced the effort people were willing to put into getting money (where effort was measured by tolerance for listening to an unpleasant sound). “The latest research suggests that taking the time to experience awe — whether through engaging with nature, enjoying great art or music, or even bingeing on breathtaking YouTube videos — may be a pathway to improving your life and relationships.” Why might awe decrease materialism? According to the researchers, the answer may lie in the self-transcendence that awe can inspire. “People in awe start to appreciate their sense of selfhood as less separate and more interrelated to the larger existence,” they write. “The experience of awe elevates people from their mundane concerns, which are bounded by daily experiences such as the desire for money.” Further evidence for this idea comes from a recent study, suggesting that awe can function as a buffer against negative emotion when you lose material possessions. After time spent marveling at the world around you, misplacing your new sunglasses might not feel so bad. 5. Awe makes you feel smaller and more humble One of the most profound effects of awe is how it can change our perception of ourselves relative to the larger world. In particular, multiple studies have shown that awe can make us feel small, diminished, or insignificant what researchers call the “small self” effect. In one particularly interesting study, researchers asked visitors to Yosemite National Park and Fisherman’s Wharf (a tourist area in San Francisco) about their feelings of awe and other emotions, as well as their sense of self. Tourists at Yosemite reported experiencing significantly more awe, represented their current self with smaller circles (when given a choice of sizes), and drew self-portraits that were nearly 33 per cent smaller than tourists at Fisherman’s Wharf. World of wonder: awe makes us appreciate our place in larger existence Besides making people feel physically smaller, awe may also make people more humble. One recent study found that people who are more naturally prone to experiencing awe felt more humility and were rated as more humble by their friends. Experimentally inducing participants to feel awe led them to acknowledge their strengths and weaknesses in a more balanced way and to better recognize how outside forces contributed to their successes. 6. Awe can make you feel like you have more time Awe may also expand our perception of time. One study found that people induced to feel awe felt less impatient and agreed more strongly with statements suggesting that time is plentiful and expansive than people induced to feel happiness. The researchers speculate that by immersing us in the moment, awe may allow us to savor the here and now. “Awe-eliciting experiences might offer one effective way of alleviating the feeling of time starvation that plagues so many people in modern life,” the researchers write. With more time on their hands, people feeling awe reported a greater willingness to offer that time to others — to volunteer their time, but not their money, to help a charity — compared to people feeling happy. 7. Awe can make you more generous and cooperative In fact, multiple studies have found that experiencing awe may make people more kind and generous. For example, one study found that people with a greater tendency for awe were more generous in laboratory tasks like distributing raffle tickets between themselves and an unknown participant. And people who stood among awe-inspiring eucalyptus trees picked up more pens for an experimenter who had “accidentally” dropped them than people who stared up at a not-so-inspiring large building. “Why might awe decrease materialism? According to the researchers, the answer may lie in the self-transcendence that awe can inspire. 'People in awe start to appreciate their sense of selfhood as less separate and more interrelated to the larger existence.'” Together, these studies suggest that awe may prompt us to help others and to be more generous, perhaps because of the way it encourages us to focus less on ourselves and expands our perception of available time. 8. Awe can make you feel more connected to other people and humanity Awe has an amazing capacity to bring people together. Research suggests that awe helps us feel more connected to the people in our lives and to humanity as a whole. In one study, participants spent time near an awe-inducing Tyrannosaurus rex skeleton or in a regular hallway. When asked to describe themselves, the dinosaur viewers were more likely use universal descriptors (such as “a person” or “an inhabitant of the Earth”) rather than more specific descriptors (such as “tall,” “friendly,” or “a student”) than the other people, suggesting that awe increases our sense that we are part of a greater whole. Water works: wonder and awe connect you to humanity Another study found that people experiencing awe reported feeling more one with their community compared with people feeling neutral (an effect that may only hold for people with high self-esteem). Interestingly, another part of this study found evidence that culture may also influence awe’s effects, leading people from individualistic cultures to feel as if their social network has expanded (they feel closer to more people) and people from collectivistic cultures to feel closer to those already in their network. As a 15-year-old science, awe research is literally in its adolescence. This means that many of the findings discussed in this article are based on very few studies (and thus should be taken with a grain of salt). What researchers don’t know about awe far eclipses what they do know. For example, we don’t know much about how awe affects children throughout development, how awe is related to religious and spiritual experiences, and how awe can be used therapeutically. And researchers are just beginning to explore the neuroscience of awe. But with increasing interest among psychologists and the public in the topic, the future of this research looks bright — maybe even awesome. ● Written by Greater Good Science Center This article originally appeared on Greater Good, the online magazine of the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley. happiness.com is honoured to republish them with the kind permission of the Greater Good Science Center. greatergood.berkeley.edu

When Anastasia Fox's best friend, Wes, committed suicide, her world fell apart. Trying to make sense of why he took his own life has been a long and painful struggle. Now feeling happier and stronger, this is her story of hope. Why do people commit suicide? What drives someone to end their own life? What goes through their mind, their heart, their being, when they make that decision? What happens to the people left behind, grieving their loss? And how do you cope when a friend commits suicide? How can you deal with that? These are all questions that have run through my head time and time again. In many ways, I can answer most of those questions from my own attempted suicide, but grieving his loss is something I struggle with daily. Why him? Why did HE do it? There are so many things I could write about Wes. I could go on about what an amazing person he was, how much he loved everyone, the fight he put up for his daughter, or how everyone adored him. I could talk about him all day long, laugh about the stupid things we would do and say... but none of it will ever actually convey just what an amazing human being he was and the lives that he touched. It would never do justice to the man that would literally give the shirt off his back for someone he didn’t know. It’s not everyday that someone like this walks into your life, and in the blink of an eye, is taken. Wesley Michael Clarke, the man that no one really knew his age until he passed away, the father that loved his daughter more than life itself, the friend that made everyone laugh even if he hurt inside, and the life that was taken way too soon. All I can ever hope for is that you finally found that inner peace. You’re a legend, babe. And you’ll always be in my heart. “How do you cope when a friend commits suicide? What happens to the people left behind, grieving their loss?” I don’t think there's one word that I could use to describe how painful it was for me to lose my best friend, or how painful it still is for me to continue on in life without him. We had everything planned out, we had our whole lives ahead of us. Everyone knew how much we loved one another and just how much he meant to me. It didn’t matter the distance between us, the years that past, the people between us; Wes was my Big, and I was his Little. I’m sure on many levels we probably had a pretty toxic relationship, and even I’ll admit, we usually got up to quite a lot of shenanigans, some that were probably quite questionable, but he was my everything. He was the only person that I never questioned if his love for me was real. A loving and well-liked father I met Wes years ago; we had the same group of friends for years. We never really spoke much, but I knew he was really liked and got along with everyone. It wasn’t until my partner and I split and I moved out West, that Wes and I started speaking on a regular basis. He contacted me right away to let me know he would help me out with my kids however he could. He said he would want someone helping with his daughter, too. I knew how much he loved Channel, and not being apart of her life broke him inside. He didn’t want my kids to feel how Channel felt, and even though he wasn’t their father, he played a big role in their lives. Coping with the suicide of a friend: “Wes became my best friend” He would speak of Channel constantly, not just to me, but also told my children about her. He always had photos of her and would take them out for us to see. She was his pride and joy. His eyes would light up so brightly whenever he spoke about her. And when he was with my children, his eyes would also light up. He would always thank me for letting him be apart of their lives and I would always thank him for being apart of mine. “I don’t think there's one word that I could use to describe how painful it was for me to lose my best friend, or how painful it still is for me to continue on in life without him.” I never thought that him helping me with my children would start a ten-year relationship and teach me some of life’s most amazing lessons. As a newly single mom, I was trying to get my life back together and working ridiculously long hours at work. I couldn’t afford the daycare and was left with very few other options for my children. Wes did whatever he could to be there for them, and for me. 7 healing quotes on grief to inspire Holiday grief – 10 tips for coping during emotional times The 8 types of grief explained He would often leave his job early to travel about 45 minutes across the city to come help me out. He would pick my kids up from daycare, cook them dinner, painted their nails, did their hair, took them to their school plays. There were mornings he would get up with them for breakfast, take them to school, and just be there for them when I couldn’t. He stepped into a parent role when I couldn’t. They still spoke with their father often; they missed him a lot and Wes tried to be there for them through that. He explained to them on numerous occasions he was never trying to replace their father, but if they needed anything, he would be there. He often would phone their dad so they could speak with him. Friends for ever Eventually I was working a job that I didn’t need so much help, and by that point, Wes, had become my best friend. He worked in construction, and would often call me about 100 times a day just to see if I was OK or needed something. He would get into quite a lot of trouble for always being on the phone with me, so he would hide somewhere in the building and call me from a closet, or a basement, just to hear my voice. Wes: a big man with an even bigger heart No one could make me laugh the way Wes could. I never would have imagined I would be writing something in his memory, not like this. I could write a book just on the things we would joke about, the never-ending drama between us, the laughs, the arguments, everything. Every day with Wes was a new experience. No matter what happened between us, we always came back together. There were times we would get into really big fights and stop talking for a few months at a time, instead of making up right away, we’d both write down on paper what we wanted to tell the other one, and as soon as we started speaking again, we’d exchange papers and laugh. It never mattered the amount of time that went by, we would just pick up where we left off. I’m not sure why we never officially dated; I suppose he always had a girlfriend and I always had a boyfriend. We would cheat on our partners to be with one another, but we never wanted to be together, or at least for that moment. Everyone always asked why we weren’t together. We never made our love a secret, we never hid anything, our life was fairly public. We made a pact when I was 22 that if I wasn’t married by the time I was 30, we’d marry one another. I didn’t think that instead of marrying my best friend on my 30th birthday, I’d be saying goodbye. “No one could make me laugh the way Wes could. Every day with him was a new experience. No matter what happened between us, we always came back together.” “We ride together, we die together” I started dating someone that ended up being one of the most violent people I had ever met. I had a number of hospital stays and Wes was always there when I would wake up; he was always there to ask me what the hell I was doing. I always made light of the situation but I know he knew I was lying. Why didn’t he do more to stop me? I don’t know, some might say that is a bad best friend, I don’t think I really gave him any other option. After one particular hospital stay, Wes brought me home, and I had asked him to stay a bit. It was a rainy day, and we sat on my couch watching TV. I didn’t want to speak, I just lay against him crying, while he held on to me. He was crying too. I loved listening to his heart beat, it reminded me that I was still alive. There were plenty of times that if felt like Wes was my heart beat. He would often tell me that his heart beat for me. The movie Bad Boys II came on and he held on to me tightly and sang the song. I remember giggling about it and just holding on to him tighter. I would give anything to be back at that moment. To feel him close to me, hear his heart beat again. I would give anything to have just one more day with you, Wes. There’s a part of the movie where they say “We ride together, we die together, bad boys for life”. I remember how his face lit up and he whispered it back to me and told me how much he loved me and that he’d always be there for me. That became OUR phrase; no matter where we were, what we were doing, or who we were with. If one of us would say, “We ride together, we die together” the other would always respond with, “Bad boys for life.” Anastasia had her and Wes's saying tattooed as a reminder The years went on and our relationship grew. Not a day went by that he didn’t call me to tell me how much I meant to him, how much he loved me and how he wished I saw myself the way he and others did. He was there for me through thick and thin. It didn’t matter what time of night or day it was, he was always there for me. In that time we came up with so many of our own inside jokes, our own plans, our own fantasies, our own world. My friend committed suicide: why? So, where did it go wrong? I thought I knew my best friend. I thought we told each other everything. He saved my life on more than one occasion, so why didn’t I save his? When I had tried to commit suicide a few years back, he was so angry with me, he yelled at me, cried, told me how stupid I was for trying, telling me I couldn’t leave him behind. He told me he would fight for me when I couldn’t do it myself, but that I needed to get the idea of death out of my head. So, why did he do it? Why did he leave me behind? It all happened so suddenly. One day we spoke as we normally did and nothing seemed out of the ordinary. We finished the conversation with our normal banter. He told me how much he loved me, how he’d always be there for me, reminded me of how we were getting married that year, promised he’d never leave me. I told him how much I hated him, that I couldn’t imagine my life without him and that he was my best friend. We joked about how we were Bonnie and Clyde... except neither one of us wanted to be Bonnie, so we argued about how we would both be Clyde, and we ended our conversation with “We ride together, we die together... bad boys for life.” And that was the last I ever spoke to him. “I thought I knew my best friend. I thought we told each other everything. He saved my life on more than one occasion, so why didn’t I save his?” A couple of days went by and I didn’t hear from him. I thought it was a bit strange but I figured he was just really busy. A few more days went by and I knew something wasn’t right. We hadn’t argued about anything, so I knew there was no reason to not speak. I didn't want to overthink it, but that’s when I got the phone call. A phone call that changed my life and that no one should ever receive. I didn’t want to believe it at first, it just seemed so out of place. I thought for sure this was just a sick joke, but as I signed on to social media, I saw post after post about his passing. I can’t even explain what really went through my mind, what my body felt. There was no way. It was my worst nightmare. I couldn’t even cry. I had so many questions and there was a part of me that didn’t want to hear the answers. The next few days are a complete haze, I just went completely on auto pilot. I blamed/blame myself, for everything. What didn’t I see? Why didn’t I stop him? How could I have stopped him? Did he say something to me and I didn’t listen? Why did he leave me? RELATED: Male loneliness – the ticking time bomb that's killing men I know most of these thoughts were completely selfish, but, at that moment, I felt like a part of my heart and being, died that day along with him. I became super depressed and ended up going on medical leave from work because I couldn’t focus on anything. My heart was completely broken. I wasn’t sleeping at night, I didn’t want to sleep. I was afraid I wouldn’t feel him close to me. “I blamed/blame myself, for everything. What didn’t I see? Why didn’t I stop him? How could I have stopped him? Did he say something to me and I didn’t listen?” My biggest fear was forgetting him. Why did I have that fear? I have no idea. I was terrified of forgetting Wes, of him becoming just another dead person. And I didn’t want that to happen. I had lost so many people in my life, but losing him, shattered me inside. I blamed myself on so many levels and hated myself for not being able to save him. Dealing with the suicide of a friend: Wes loved animals I was also so angry at him for leaving me behind. I was so angry he broke a promise to me. I was so angry he did what he was so angry that I tried. I would lay awake at night in the fetal position, just holding on to my heart crying myself to sleep. How was I supposed to get through this life without him? My whole existence was so engulfed in Wes. Everything I did, wanted to do, he was a part of. Nothing made sense to me anymore. Not that it ever did before, but now, even less. I eventually had to call a suicide hotline and started attending suicide counselling. I remember every time I went, I would just sit in the chair and cry; often times they would just leave me in the room with one person sitting close to me in case I needed the support. My heart was so broken. I didn’t want to speak, I didn’t know how. I had nothing to say. It became one of the darkest times of my life. It’s been a fight ever since. Coping with the suicide of my friend A few months after his death, someone mentioned to me that it may help me getting an emotional support dog as I couldn’t seem to pull myself back up. They said that a dog would give me purpose again, or a different outlook on life. I felt quite alone at the time as most people told me I needed to just get over it, or that I shouldn’t still feel the way I felt. I started to feel like maybe I was going crazy because I couldn’t seem to “feel better”. I decided to look into adopting a dog. I would spend hours just looking through website after website of dog shelters, and none of them seemed to click with me. And then one day I came across an American Staffordshire Terrier that was in a shelter close to me. Something about him called my attention; he seemed to remind me of someone. I called to make an appointment and after a few calls back and forth, I found myself walking up the driveway. When I arrived, there were two big enclosures, one filled with dogs jumping up and down, barking, and in the other one, a calm-looking dog, fairly large in size and uninterested in the world around him, not barking, not making a sound. He looked at me but showed little interest. They let me inside with him and he didn’t want to have anything to do with me. I fell in love instantly. I knew right away this was MY dog. I could have taken him home that day, but I decided I wanted to have his paperwork first. The 8 types of friends we all need Understanding the power of friendship The 6 qualities of true friendship I came back two weeks later, paperwork in hand, and excited to bring him home. When it came time to fill out the paperwork, they asked me what his name was going to be; Clyde, his name is Clyde. He fits this name perfectly. Clyde was a big boy, and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little intimidated by him. I didn’t know too much about his life, so didn’t want to force my love on him, I just let him come to me when he was ready. The second day I had him we were sitting on my couch, I sat on one end, and Clyde on the other end. I wasn’t sure what to do with this massive dog, so I just sat there calmly. At one point he lay down beside me with his head on my lap. I was so excited. I started to pet him but trying not to stress him out with my excitement. And then I noticed something on his nose and couldn’t believe my eyes. Clyde had the same heart on his nose that I had tattooed on my face: it was a sign. Anastasia's heart tattoo and the similar marking on Clyde So, rewind a bit. A couple days after Wes had passed away, I tattooed a small heart underneath my eye. I picked a heart because it felt like I was crying my heart out, and I wanted people to ask me why I had a heart of my face; I wanted to tell people about Wes and what an amazing person he was, and Clyde had the same heart on his face. I couldn’t believe my eyes. To me, it was like Wes had sent Clyde to me. And suddenly I knew I was going to be OK and that Wes would always be there looking out for me. “He taught me about love” It’s been three years now since Wes committed suicide, and I can’t say that the pain has gone away, or even subsided. There are still days that coping with the suicide of my best friend is impossible. I feel completely shattered inside. There are days that it’s still hard to breathe, and that I blame myself. Most days, I just brush it to the side and try to keep busy. There's a big part of me that still doesn’t understand why it had to be him. I’ve tried to take the good out of this but I also struggle to really understand what can be good about my best friend taking his own life? It’s taken me a long time to accept that he’s gone, and there's still a part of me that hasn’t accepted it. One of the things that helped me a lot, was writing a letter to myself, from him. Maybe it sounds silly, but it brought a lot of closure. I know he wouldn’t want me to be sad, I know he definitely wouldn’t want me to cry. It would break his heart. I know he would want me to move on with my life and let myself love again and be loved. And when I wrote that letter to myself, it was as if there was a part of me that was finally able to let go, maybe not 100 per cent, but a lot more than before. It also helped me to see a bit more clearly what I learned from Wes. The greatest lesson he taught me was about love. The love we had for one another is something that not everyone experiences. We built an empire of love. Our love. It didn’t make sense to anyone else, and that didn’t matter, because it didn’t really make sense to us either. And sometimes that’s the best kind. “There are still days that coping with the suicide of my friend is impossible. I feel completely shattered inside. There are days that it’s still hard to breathe, and that I blame myself.” Like many things, I didn’t understand what I had right in front of me until it was gone, except this time, it was really gone. All those years I was searching for love. I knew I had love in my ways, but the love that Wes showed me, was unconditional, pure, simple and yet so complex, and it was right in front of me. I took for granted our love and our relationship: I thought it would always be there, I thought he would always be there. I learned about beauty; that even with all my flaws and imperfections, that they were what made me who I was and I could chose to love myself and work on what I needed to. I learned to cherish what I had in front of me, live in the present because tomorrow is never promised. I learned to tell others how much they meant to me and appreciate the little things. I learned that it wasn’t worth it to hold a grudge, to stay angry, or be mean to others. We fought like crazy, and about really stupid things, but we always made up. I learned to laugh at myself and not to be so serious. “Wes taught me about love” I learned to love again. He brought me through some really difficult times in my life and there were times I didn’t know how I would stand up again, and not only would he push me to get back up, but how to get up and smile again. He taught me how to keep laughing, even when I felt dead inside. “I learned to cherish what I had in front of me, live in the present because tomorrow is never promised. I learned to tell others how much they meant to me and appreciate the little things.” He taught me to find the positive side of life. He taught me that I wasn’t really broken inside, maybe a little bruised, but that I just had to fight a little bit more and that I was going to be fine. He taught me to believe in myself, and when I didn’t, he did. He pushed me in ways that no one else had done before. Maybe I didn’t see these things when he was alive, and unfortunately it took his passing for me to understand them. I will never be able to bring him back, but I know that he still lives on in my heart. The gratitude I have for his life and what he showed me, is overflowing. I still hurt inside, and I don’t know when that will stop. His life and everything that surrounded him was so beautiful, and that beauty lives on. ● If you're struggling to cope with the suicide of a friend, the NHS has a great guide and the APA also has some useful tips. Share your thoughts below on how you are coping and if you have any tips to share... happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Join free now and: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine ■ share and support in our happiness forum ■ Develop with free online Academy classes Friendship | Grief | Loneliness | Trust Written by Anastasia Fox Anastasia Fox is a Barcelona-based freelancer with a passion for life and a willingness to help others.

Members of the press often refer to August as 'silly season' as there tends to be fewer items that are seen as being genuinely newsworthy. As such, 'silly' stories get more coverage. However, there was plenty of positive news in August too. Here's Ed Gould's top ten pick from the month... 1. Free Sanitary Products for All Students In a move that's not been seen anywhere in the world before, Scotland has become the first country to provide free sanitary products for anyone in full-time education. This means that schoolgirls and higher education students are able to access these products cost-free. According to The Scotsman, the move will cost the Scottish government up to £5.2 million but will be of huge assistance to girls and young women who come from low income families and who, consequently, cannot always afford sanitary items when they are studying. 2. Revolution in Painkilling Announced Dealing with pain is a major medical and scientific project. The problem is that so many painkillers on the market are derived from opioids and are, consequently, highly addictive. According to Live Science, a team of researchers in Japan and US have discovered an alternative which is effective and non-addictive. AT-121 has seen some successful trials and will soon be tested on humans, it's hoped. What's more, the drug is considered to be safe with respect to respiratory side effects, something that's associated with other sorts of painkilling medications. 3. Move Against Fishing Nets In the Pipeline It's often reported that plastic in the ocean is detrimental to the world's wildlife but it's not so commonly stated that much of the sea's plastic comes from fishing nets. According to One Green Planet, nearly half of the material that swirls around the ocean is derived from such netting. Thankfully, the United Nations has positive news for the oceans because its Food and Agriculture Organisation has agreed that such nets should be tagged in future so that those who release them can be held accountable for the pollution they cause. Net gains: fishing tools like these could soon be tracked 4. China Hits Pollution Reduction Targets The Independent reported in August that researchers from the University of East Anglia have presented a report that offers environmental hope with regards to China's increasing industrialisation. The country has long-committed to carbon reduction and other ecological measures but many have thought that it would continue to pollute heavily for years to come. According to the researchers' work, China has achieved its environmental goals 12 years ahead of schedule and emissions are said to have peaked as far back as 2013. That must be positive news for environment campaigners who have little leverage in the country. 5. The End of Plastic Bags? They might be convenient, but plastic bags lead to waste and landfill sites filling up unnecessarily. In the UK, the government announced in August that its levy on the sale of plastic bags could rise to 10p – instead of the current 5p – and even be extended to small and independent shops. In New Zealand, CNN reported that the government is even more proactive and that it will look to ban the use of single-use plastic bags entirely to protect the environment. The move has the backing of the Prime Minister, Jacinda Ardern, and may come as early as 2019. 6. Fruit Found to Improve Memory In Scientific Study According to a study published in the US National Library of Medicine National Institutes of Health, combining blueberries with grapes can have a beneficial effect on those who suffer from memory loss. As well as the happiness they cause by tasting good, the polyphenols in both fruits were found to improve 'episodic memory' among elderly people who had already been diagnosed with lower than usual memory function. A total of 215 volunteers took part in the research which compared those who consumed the two types of fruit with those who took a placebo. Berry good: combining blueberries with grapes could boost memory 7. Theme Park Trains Birds to Clear Away Rubbish Trained animals are nothing new, but a story from August demonstrated that even birds can be used to carry out tasks like picking up litter. A French theme park has been using rooks to pick up rubbish in order to keep the place clear of litter for some years. Recently, the squadron of litter pickers was expanded to six birds. They place the litter into a bin and are rewarded for their efforts with food, which means the happiness of the park's attendees and the rooks is maintained. 8. Mindfulness Continues to Grow in Popularity Thanks to Science Although a piece in Medical News Today acknowledged something of a backlash against mindfulness in some quarters, it argued that the practice continues to be taken up not because it's a fad, but because it's backed by scientific research. The story, which was published to counter some claims about mindfulness made in The New York Times, pointed out many studies which have highlighted the usefulness of mindfulness in work and private lives, especially those which looked in to people who had been using mindful techniques for eight weeks or more. The article argued that mindfulness was good for focus, stress reduction and emotional well-being, among other benefits. Hocus Focus? In fact, mindfulness is backed by scientific research 9. New Song Shown to Reduce Anxiety According to the British Academy of Sound Therapy, neuroscience has demonstrated that listeners to certain types of audio stimulation can feel less anxious as a result. To that end, researchers there wrote a new song called 'Weightless' which provided listeners with the sort of stimulation they need to help relax. As reported by Good News Network, the hope is to use it in clinical situations where anxiety relief is desirable. 10. Churches Leads With Uptake of Renewable Energy The Church of England has announced that many of its churches and cathedrals will run exclusively on renewable energy from now on. The Guardian reported in August that the move was coordinated with churches of other denominations, such as those of the Methodist and Catholic faiths. In all, over 5,500 churches in the UK will take part in the scheme which will see them use electricity that has been generated from sources other than fossil fuels. Praise be! ● Written by Ed Gould Ed Gould is a UK-based journalist and freelance writer. He is a practitioner of Reiki.

Corney Harnish examines how playing games can actually improve your life, leave you feeling better than ever, and create a social impact. Are you someone who is skeptical about games? Do you believe that they are bad for our youth or can cause social issues among people? You’re not alone. This debate over whether or not video games negatively affect us has been going on for years. However, it turns out that it depends on what games you're playing. There is great evidence that some games actually are good and can positively impact us! These are called Games for Change. There’s a community of amazing people who have been working on these types of games for the last 15 years through the Games for Change festival that’s happening right now in NYC. Creators and social innovators are driving real-world change by empowering people to take social action through games. These savvy techies are working on cutting-edge technology that leverages games for change making an impact in the civic sector, directly addressing issues around social justice, human development, as well as environment and responsible citizenship. “Creators and social innovators are driving real-world change by empowering people to take social action through games.” Beyond this, games are being used to transform education in and out of school, making learning a fun and easy process! And, even more, gaming is being explored to improve health, fitness, cognitive skills, and mindfulness through interactive experiences and new technologies. Pretty versatile or what?! So what kind of positive impact do games have? Playing games can bring together fundamental aspects of psychology, sociology, and technology to engage people for social change. For starters, it allows children to develop and experience life in a safe environment. Additionally, it encourages people in general to pursue their ambitions, develop a realistic framework for achieving them, and improves our emotional intelligence. [1] Fair game: playing video games does have benefits And, what’s great, game designer Mary Flanagan outlines four ways video games can have a positive behavioural and social impact: Encourages open-mindedness Provides an easier way to spread messages and tell stories Develops new mental associations Provides multiple perspectives for people to view situations [2] Any cool examples of these Games for Change? Yes, of course! One that Better World International has developed, and that I have been working on directly, is a great example: The Good Cards: a digital platform and mobile app that empowers and motivates people to do good deeds and track the ripple effect they’ve inspired. Through partnerships with schools and community groups, we create customized missions for social action like our environmental clean-up mission we did with EliteYouthTour. The Good Cards also guides individuals in doing good for themselves and those around them to make a positive impact in their community. Game on: playing some types of games can have a positive impact Or, there’s SuperBetter, which is a meaningful creation from Jane McGonigal, a leader in the field of gamification. “SuperBetter increases resilience – the ability to stay strong, motivated and optimistic, even in the face of difficult obstacles. Playing SuperBetter makes you more capable of getting through any tough situation — and more likely to achieve the goals that matter most to you.” [3] One other impressive example is Zombies, Run!, a mobile app that makes fitness and running fun. Players have to complete a sequence of missions to rescue survivors, pick up supplies, and defend their home all while trying to avoid the zombies. It’s a neat little way to make running more exciting. Woah, that’s awesome! What does the future look like? This is something that is absolutely limitless with the technological advancements we are experiencing. At the moment, the field of gamification is trending. Briefly, gamification is the application of motivation psychology with game mechanics to inspire people to engage in a specific behavior that they might not have been motivated enough to do on their own. This has the potential to result in applications that help improve productivity and office culture in companies, empower people to build the daily habits they strive to have, and make learning a seamless process. Yet, there’s more. Virtual Reality (VR) is going to change the future of gaming. This rapidly-evolving technology will have an incredible impact, whether in healthcare, entertainment, or space exploration. For example, VR is to be used to train surgeons, helping them receive substantial practice before they move on to live humans. [4] “This is something that is absolutely limitless with the technological advancements we are experiencing. At the moment, the field of gamification is trending.” So, there’s a lot of groundbreaking stuff going on. It’s not just about making money anymore; there are a lot of people and organizations out there who want to make a difference to the world we live in. One last thing, how can I get involved? Grab a Good Card and see how far your ripple effect of kindness will last. Find a game from the list at Games for Change and start making a difference by having fun! ● Written by Corey Harnish The poster child of community, Corey is a great listener and huge believer in humanity. Currently the CEO of Better World International a 501c3 tech nonprofit, Corey is leading The Good Cards development; an innovative online-gaming platform and app that engages people worldwide in doing good deeds for happiness and global sustainability. Corey is an AmeriCorps VISTA Alumni, an Honorary Rotarian of Rotary International, as well as a volunteer of Defy Ventures, providing business coaching to EITs (entrepreneurs-in-training), and an active personal life coach. Corey empowers individuals and communities and help them to flourish through personal development coaching and community service involvement. An aspiring Social Justice activist with a passion for community/sustainable development, service learning, juvenile justice rehabilitation, and brain-based coaching.

Happiness, hope and positive news may seem to have been in short supply during the month of July, when so many negative news items were presented. In fact, July was a great month for positivity and human endeavour. Ed Gould shares his top ten news stories that you may have missed, that will bring some hope and a smile to your face. 1. Smaller Solar Panels Offer a Breakthrough in Renewable Energy According to the scientific journal Nature Communications, renewable forms of electricity will receive a boost in the future thanks to a new type of book-sized solar panel that has been developed. The makers claim that something the size of an average hardback will now be enough to provide enough energy to power a home. The way the technology works is to ‘funnel’ more of the sun’s rays and convert more light into electricity, which can be stored locally in the form of fuel cells or batteries. An atomically thin semiconductor of hafnium disulphide makes this possible, allowing for up to three times more energy to be converted by each panel. 2. Domestic Abuse Sufferers to Receive Paid Leave Maternity leave has been an important right in many countries for years. New Zealand has now become the second place on the planet to introduce a similar scheme for domestic abuse victims – the Philippines already has one. As widely reported in the press in July, the New Zealand’s Prime Minister pushed for a change in the law concerning women who were escaping violence and ensured that they continued to receive pay, even if they were unable to work as usual. The change came following a vote of 63 to 57 in favour of the proposal. 3. India Adds Happiness Classes to the Curriculum Happiness is definitely something that can be taught, and the public education system in India agrees. Indeed, a number of schools across the country have begun lessons in how to be happy. This positive news was reported as happening in several schools by news outlets like CNN. In fact, over 1,000 schools are now said to be participating in the scheme, which will focus on tips to be more mindful and how to relax in order to bring about greater joy in the classroom. The smiles say it all: kids in some Indian schools are now getting classes in happiness 4. New Treatment for Alzheimer's Disease Prompts Hope An experimental drug therapy has been found to promote fewer clusters of proteins in the brain. These harmful toxin clusters are known to be linked to the condition in some way. According to The New York Times, the novel treatment is able to make a difference of up to 70 per cent, with these clusters compared to no action being taken at all. This is positive news for anyone who has a family member with the disease. However, the treatment is only at the trial stage and not yet available on the market. 5. Public Art Designed for Visually-Impaired People Introduced Some public art that comes in the form of sculpture has been great for blind and non-blind people alike. However, paintings and murals have often left vision impaired people behind. But that’s not the case in Santiago – the capital city of Chile. Here, the public art has been given a new twist by adding grooves and raised bumps, which make the images accessible to all. The city's authorities introduced a wide range of art designed for visually-impaired people in July, as reported by the likes of Euro News. 6. Research Says Showing Appreciation is Good For Everyone Saying 'thank you' may be polite and shows courtesy to the person being thanked. Nevertheless, gratitude and appreciation - however you choose to do - is also good for the person showing it. In a paper published in Psychological Science, research was conducted with thousands of volunteers who emailed someone they knew to show appreciation. Both parties were subsequently found to have higher levels of well-being as a result of the exercise, in some cases to the complete surprise of the people taking part in the study. Say 'thank you' and boost your well-being, as well as the person you're thanking! 7. Recycled Waste Can Be Used to Make Public Spaces Public realm spaces, like squares and parkland, can now be made from nothing more than recycled waste. As reported in July by Inhabitat, the Dutch Ministry of Infrastructure and Environment has successfully built a modular floating island from the everyday rubbish that is found floating in the rivers and canal waters close to Rotterdam. The authorities sponsored a scheme to create a floating island along with 25 other partners in the area to create a park from river waste. The rubbish is collected by traps in the waterways to prevent it heading out to sea and put to good use by turning it into something useful. 8. Wooden Tyres Reinvent the Wheel Wooden tyres may sound like heading back to the days of the horse and cart, but tyre manufacturers are now looking at making their products from wood pulp rather than oil. The eco-initiative has been spearheaded by the French company Michelin, according to WhichCar magazine. The idea is to replace an unsustainable raw material in the form of rubber compounds with one that can be grown in a managed way for future consumption. 9. Humanist Weddings More Popular Than Ever The Times reported that humanist wedding ceremonies in Scotland overtook those conducted by the Kirk (church) for the first time. In a study that included figures up to the end of July, it was found that humanism outstripped traditional Christian services, something that had never been seen before in the country. In positive news for those who favour non-religious ceremonies, it’s thought that humanist services will continue to rise. Humanist weddings have only been legal in Scotland since 2005. Scots are now more likely to have a humanist wedding than a traditional church affair 10. Science Says Meditation Is Good for Work As reported by Forbes in July, uninterrupted work is enabled through three main techniques. One of these is the ability to listen to instrumental music when you are hard at it. Indeed, any deskbound work is actually improved by it. Secondly, splitting work up into single tasks of 15 minutes or so has been found to work for most people's long-term productivity. The third idea stems from clearing your mind prior to getting down to work. This is where meditation kicks in. According to Forbes, even people who are new to meditative approaches can benefit from a few minutes of mindful exhalation prior to their work for the day. ● Written by Ed Gould Ed Gould is a UK-based journalist and freelance writer. He is a practitioner of Reiki.

Work is an intrinsic part of our lives, so it’s better if we can enjoy it. Cristina Jardón talked with Arlo Laibowitz about why listening, compassion and mindfulness are essential workplace tools... The second International Mindfulness & Compassion at Work Summit took place in Madrid on the 26th and 27th of April 2018. We were able to shoot interviews with five of the amazing speakers, including Cristina Jardón, an expert trainer in emotional intelligence, mindfulness and self-compassion. This is what she says about herself: "Restless and curious. Here I am. Optimist of birth and by training. Passionate about the simple life, without more. Spirituality and transcendence are two of my great values." Enjoy the full video interview with Cristina below. .embed-container { position: relative; padding-bottom: 56.25%; height: 0; overflow: hidden; max-width: 100%; } .embed-container iframe, .embed-container object, .embed-container embed { position: absolute; top: 0; left: 0; width: 100%; height: 100%; } Also, part of this mini-series, our interview with Bodhin Philip Woodward on the impact of mindfulness and compassion in your daily life, plus our interview with the organizers of co-founders of the summit, Liz Hall and Luis San Martin and Dr Jutta Tobias on her research on compassion in teams beyond the mindfulness intervention. ● Written by Arlo Laibowitz Arlo is a filmmaker, artist, lecturer, and intermittent practitioner of metta meditation and morning yoga. When not dreaming about impossible projects and making them happen in the most impractical ways possible, he journals, listens to jazz, or cuddles with his better half.

With so many negative news stories in the press, happiness, hope and positive news may seem to have been in short supply during June. In fact, it was a great month for positivity and human endeavour. Ed Gould shares his Top Ten positive news stories that you may have missed. 1. Ice sheet loss in Antarctica may stabilise According to Science magazine, the rate of ice sheets melting in the southern seas may decline and could even go into reverse because of a new study. Scientific researchers have noticed that the bedrock beneath the ice sheets is rising at a faster rate than previously thought. This means that the sea levels though to be going up as a result of melting ice in the region may not be as bad as some had feared and the ice itself will become more stable. 2. Science says exercise and mindfulness are key to a less stressful life Scientific research at Penn State University in the US suggests that mixing regular exercise with a mindful approach to well-being is the best way of reducing stress. Over 150 volunteers took part in the study which asked them their state of mind at random throughout the day via a smart device app. Physical activity and mindfulness were both found to lead to more positivity in the responses, but what surprised the team, according to Science Daily, was the synergy between exercise and mindfulness, with the least stress being reported by participants who did both. Stress less: combined mindfulness and exercise is key 3. Breakthrough in type 1 diabetes discovered An eight-year study conducted by the Massachusetts General Hospital has found that a treatment previously offered for tuberculosis can help treat type 1 diabetes. In fact, the work is so groundbreaking that the researchers claim the treatment can reverse the effects of the condition entirely! Everyone involved in the research reported an improvement in their condition after taking a BCG vaccine, while those who had placebos tended to see rises in their blood sugar levels. 4. 'Forest bathing' is good for your health A Japanese academic announced in June that his work showed that walking in a forested area is a healthy way to fend off disease and psychological stress. Dr Qing Li said that so-called forest bathing stimulates the senses, which bridges a gap between modern life and our natural selves. The concept, known as 'shinrin-yoku', doesn't involve outdoor exercise; just simply being in a wood can be good for our well-being. Furthermore, the member of Tokyo’s Nippon Medical School said that spending time in a beautiful natural environment is known to augment the body’s production of immune cells and can even help with the production of proteins that fight cancer cells. Wood works: being in a forest is great for your health 5. New hope for jaguars Over the course of the last eight years, Mexico's population of jaguars has risen by a fifth. The National Jaguar Conservation Alliance reported in a statement that was put out by the World Wildlife Fund that there are now an estimated 4,800 of these cats in the country. The upturn in numbers corresponds with the alliance's efforts to save the 'near threatened' creatures' habitats across ten different states in the central American nation. 6. Scientific breakthrough may revolutionize dental care Researchers from Queen Mary University in London announced in June that they have have developed a new way to promote the growth of oral minerals. These means that it may now be easier to regenerate hard tissues, such as dental enamel. Although this can be done by applying toothpaste regularly, the new approach could end up reversing tooth loss due to decay which no amount of brushing could prevent. In addition to helping to harden tooth enamel their new remineralisation substance could also be used to strengthen bones. 7. Precious coral reef no longer in decline According to The Telegraph, Belize's coral reef has seen a great deal of recovery in recent years. UNESCO had placed the Mesoamerican reef on its list of threatened natural wonders but it announced in June that the underwater habitat – essential to many species of marine life – was no longer in decline. UNESCO took the unusual step of heralding many of the steps the government of Belize had taken as being 'visionary'. In 2012, over 90 per cent of the country voted in favour of banning offshore oil exploration to help save the marine ecosystem. Reef return: the Belize coral reef is recovering well 8. Australian medics find new approach to administering needles The Royal Children’s Hospital in Melbourne has been experimenting with delivering nitrous oxide to patients who suffer from a fear of needles in hospital. The approach was found to be particularly effective with people who suffered from certain developmental disorders and who were looking for a way to remain calm as intravenous drugs were given. According to Pharmacy News, over 200 children were treated in this way during the study – positive news for anyone with a fear of needles. 9. Total renewable power announced in City of London The Corporation of the City of London announced in June that it fully expected to be powering all of the so-called square mile area of the capital from renewable sources by the autumn. Given that so many people work and use energy-intensive servers in the city, this is no mean feat. The financial capital of Europe, the City of London also manages many green spaces around the city, such as Epping Forest. Wind of change: the City of London is using renewable energy 10. European airports go carbon neutral According to the International Airport Review, no less than four different airports in Europe were officially designated as being carbon neutral in June. Last year the European airport industry committed itself to having at least 100 airports accredited in this way by 2030. The number has now just risen to 34 thanks to the new ones on the list. London Stansted and Brussels Airport joined Treviso and Rome Ciampino in being named as carbon neutral airports. The programme has accounted for a drop in the release of 163,277 tonnes of carbon dioxide into the atmosphere from the air hubs in question – positive news for any air passenger. ● Written by Ed Gould Ed Gould is a UK-based journalist and freelance writer. He's a practitioner of Reiki.

In the workplace, mindfulness and compassion is increasingly becoming more important. Experts in their field, Liz Hall and Luis San Martin talked with Arlo Laibowitz about why these skills are needed more than ever at work. The second International Mindfulness & Compassion at Work Summit took place in Madrid on the 26th and 27th of April 2018. We were able to shoot interviews with five of the amazing speakers, including the co-founders of the summit, Liz Hall and Luis San Martin. They share their thoughts of happiness, compassion and mindfulness at work in the video below. Enjoy! .embed-container { position: relative; padding-bottom: 56.25%; height: 0; overflow: hidden; max-width: 100%; } .embed-container iframe, .embed-container object, .embed-container embed { position: absolute; top: 0; left: 0; width: 100%; height: 100%; } Liz Hall is the co-owner/founding editor of Coaching at Work magazine; an award-winning journalist on business and health/well-being; an author/editor; an executive coach, and a trained mindfulness teacher/trainer who works with coaches, leaders and the general public. “If you get people to empty their minds and just listen, amazing things happen.” Luis San Martin Luis San Martin, in addition to being the chair/co-founder of the Association for Coaching Spain, is an executive coach and OD consultant. Luis has an MSc in International Business and his business experience includes CEO responsibilities in multinational companies in several countries. As part of his portfolio, he works with organisations to introduce mindfulness to their employees. Also, watch our interview with Bodhin Philip Woodward on the impact of mindfulness and compassion in your daily life. ● Written by Arlo Laibowitz Arlo is a filmmaker, artist, lecturer, and intermittent practitioner of metta meditation and morning yoga. When not dreaming about impossible projects and making them happen in the most impractical ways possible, he journals, listens to jazz, or cuddles with his better half.

What benefits do mindfulness and compassion have? And how can we increase their levels naturally? Arlo Laibowitz sat down with Bodhin Philip Woodward to find out more. The second International Mindfulness & Compassion at Work Summit took place in Madrid on the 26th and 27th of April 2018. We were able to shoot interviews with five of the amazing speakers, including Bodhin Philip Woodward: .embed-container { position: relative; padding-bottom: 56.25%; height: 0; overflow: hidden; max-width: 100%; } .embed-container iframe, .embed-container object, .embed-container embed { position: absolute; top: 0; left: 0; width: 100%; height: 100%; } Bodhin is founder and director of training for mindful academy Solterreno, a UK registered Accreditated Training Provider & Meditation School with the Yoga Alliance Professionals and co-founder of Mindful Academy. “All the different strands of mindfulness and Buddhism itself are ultimately saying the same thing: wake up!” He's been practising mindfulness on a daily basis since 1985, and has extensive experience of mindfulness practices and teaching. He runs Mindfulness Teacher Training programs, Train the Trainer programs and teaches Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy and Stress Reduction Approaches (MBCT/MBSR/MBAs) to help prevent relapse into depression and to manage stress and anxiety. He also meets the requirements of the Good Practice Guidelines for Trainers of Mindfulness-based Teachers published by the UK Network of Mindfulness-based Teacher Trainers. ● Written by Arlo Laibowitz Arlo is a filmmaker, artist, lecturer, and intermittent practitioner of metta meditation and morning yoga. When not dreaming about impossible projects and making them happen in the most impractical ways possible, he journals, listens to jazz, or cuddles with his better half.

Corey Harnish shares his idea of what kindness is, and how you can practise it every day to improve your life and the lives of others. Let’s start this journey with a little self-talk. Do you want to be happy? Yes, right? Do you want others to be happy? Probably yes too, right? Do others want you to be happy? A little hesitation on that one, huh? Maybe even a 'no'? Well, it’s not true! Just like you want others to be happy, they want the same for you. After you read this article, you’ll hopefully be motivated to create a small shift to bring more kindness into your life, and the lives of others. Kindness: it's already within you Over the last 20 years, researchers have been studying what has been termed 'positive psychology,' an analysis of how uplifting emotions like gratitude, love, joy, and inspiration affect our well-being and literally improve our lives. What’s incredible is these emotions are already within us; it’s just a matter of whether or not we take intentional action to express them. One of the easiest ways to do this is through performing kind acts. Kindness is contagious © Freepik So, what is kindness, anyway? Kindness, put simply, is a positive action that leaves someone in a better situation than before. It doesn’t have to be as extravagant as paying for someone’s surgery or spending hours and hours volunteering. Literally, it can be anything. A smile. Holding the door open for another person. Bringing food to someone. Paying for the person in line behind you. Connecting with a stranger. Saying ‘I love you’ to someone close. RELATED: Random acts of kindness: 22 ideas to spread happiness! Even treating yourself to a night out, getting a pedicure, or a massage are all acts of kindness. Yes, that’s right, you can, and should, be kind to yourself, too! So often we hold back from being kind because we don’t know what to do or we don’t think our actions will make an impact, but they do. The research proves this. What’s important is to just take action, no matter how small. To get you started on practicing kindness, take a look at some awesome ideas from Kindness.org and the Random Acts of Kindness Foundation. Give and receive: practice kindness and you'll benefit too Wow! Kindness is easier than I thought, but what’s the benefit to me? I’m glad you asked. Kindness not only benefits others, but it also improves your life as much or more! The science shows that some of the benefits of kindness are: Improved immune system functioning Decreased stress levels Feelings of meaning and purpose A sense of connectedness RELATED: the power of kindness Super cool, right? Check out these awesome cases of kindness in practice: The Good Cards The Good Cards is a modern-day version of the Pay it Forward movement that uses technology for good. With a mobile app and a physical Good Card, users are able to do good deeds, share their positive stories, and inspire others to join in the action all while being able to track the ripple effect of kindness that happens around the world in a fun and meaningful way. Social Emotional Learning (SEL) Nowadays in schools, a shift in our standardized education has started to incorporate more curricula that addresses emotional intelligence, mindfulness, and positive psychology. By doing this, we are creating micro-habits of kindness with our youth; empowering them to not only be the leaders of tomorrow but to be the ‘Kindness Leaders of tomorrow.’ Rotary International: In over 35,000 communities around the world, Rotary has created a space for neighbours to come together and help their communities flourish. Whether it’s raising funds for a local not-for-profit, doing an environmental cleanup, or engaging students in service learning, Rotary is empowering people globally to be a force for good. OK, I’m ready to put kindness into action! You’re all set. Now you can see how powerful kindness actually is and how simple it is to do. Once you start, you’ll create a ripple effect that’ll inspire people all around you to spread kindness too. Remember with The Good Cards you’ll be able to track that impact as it inspires kindness around the world. Don’t be shy, share with us, what’s one kind act you plan to do today? ● This article from Corey Harnish was originally posted on Linkedin Written by Corey Harnish The poster child of community. Corey is a great listener and huge believer in humanity. Currently the CEO of Better World International a 501c3 tech nonprofit, Corey is leading The Good Cards development; an innovative online-gaming platform and app that engages people worldwide in doing good deeds for happiness and global sustainability. Corey is an AmeriCorps VISTA Alumni, an Honorary Rotarian of Rotary International, as well as a volunteer of Defy Ventures, providing business coaching to EITs (entrepreneurs-in-training), and an active personal life coach. Corey empowers individuals and communities and help them to flourish through personal development coaching and community service involvement. An aspiring Social Justice activist with a passion for community/sustainable development, service learning, juvenile justice rehabilitation, and brain-based coaching.