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Need a break from negative news? These feel-good stories from February highlight the positive things happening around the world. Ed Gould shares his Top Ten round-up from the month. February was a month that had its fair share of scare stories and unpleasant events. However, there were plenty of feel-good news stories that also made it into the mainstream media. Unfortunately, not all news items covering happiness and human warmth received front-page attention. Read on to discover some of the brighter stories from the last month you may have missed among the doom and gloom. 1. Mindfulness eases pain, according to science As it's #MindfulMarch, let's start with a mindfulness story. Even as little as half an hour spent on learning mindfulness techniques can help to ease physical pain. According to Medical News Today, introductory sessions into mindfulness can significantly lessen the impact of negative emotions as well as easing physical pain. Neuro-scientific experiments were conducted by a team at Yale University in the United States. They found that the results were the same even for people who have never practiced mindfulness before. Hedy Kober, an associate professor of psychiatry and psychology at the university, said that mindfulness allowed people to enjoy a non-judgmental acceptance of the negativity associated with pain. 2. Soil bacteria may help the fight against climate change According to a number of news outlets around the world, a bacterium found in the soil may provide some of the answers needed to combat the changing global climate. Researchers at Cornell University have found a new group of bacteria that belong to a genus called Paraburkholderia madseniana. These bacterium are notable for their ability to degrade certain compounds and to generate root nodules that fix atmospheric nitrogen in the ground. It's hoped this will lead them to break down some of the chemicals that are released when fossil fuels are burned, promoting more nutrients for plant life to grow. 3. Children are happier in nature, study shows According to reports by CNN, scientific analysis has shown that children feel greater levels of happiness when they have the opportunity to get out and about in natural environments. Exposure to nature allows children, in particular, to feel more connected to the world. The research was published in February's edition of the journal Frontiers in Psychology by a team of researchers from Mexico. In all, some 300 school-age children took part in the study. As well as feeling happier, those who got out in nature were found to be more likely to be altruistic, too. Exposure to nature benefits children shutterstock/FamVeld 4. India turns to clean fuel In February, the Indian government announced that it would switch to one of the cleanest forms of transportation fuel in the world. The new regulations covering what Indian people can fill up their car with will come into effect from the start of April this year. From then, only BS-IV grades of fuel will be allowed for road-going petrol and diesel engines. It should help to dramatically reduce airborne pollution, especially in the country's crowded urban areas. 5. Chronic inflammation may become a thing of the past In feel-good news for anyone who suffers from chronic inflammation, scientists in the US have announced a way of flipping the way certain molecules work such that the body's immune system won't react to them. The discovery of this 'molecular switch' was published in the academic journal Cell Metabolism. It's thought the technique can be used to treat conditions like Alzheimer’s disease as well as diabetes and even cancer. Work is ongoing at the Department of Metabolic Biology, Nutritional Sciences and Toxicology at UC Berkeley. 6. Want to learn while you sleep? Use your nose A team of scientists at the University of Freiburg in Germany has discovered that fragrances and the ability to smell them both play a part in the way we learn during sleep. Their study has revealed that we can make bigger strides in sleep-learning during hour hours of slumber when we have smelt something pleasant, such as a rose. Jürgen Kornmeier said that his team's work focussed on students learning foreign words. His study group was played English words to take on board during their slumber. Those who were exposed to certain odours before sleeping found their learning was more entrenched than a sample group. RELATED: Can't sleep? 14 fixes to get a good night's rest 7. Want to sleep better? Use your nose In an amazing coincidence, there was another sleep and odour related news story in February that made it into the press. This one followed a study conducted at the University of British Colombia in Canada. It found that sleeping with the natural odour of a partner close by will bring about a better quality of sleep. People who can smell their partner on their clothes or bedsheets – even if they're not present – are more likely to sleep longer and deeper, the study showed. According to the Daily Mail, sleeping in your partner's garments can mean enjoying up to nine minutes more slumber! 8. Bee population rising in North America thanks to hemp Since hemp production started to be legalised in North America, more and more hectares have been devoted to the crop. That has brought a good deal of happiness to many patients with chronic conditions. It has also led to a boost in bee numbers across areas like Colorado where hemp production is expanding. The pollen from the plants is particularly attractive for bees. Indeed, their dwindling numbers around the world may be reversed if other countries follow the example of Canada and the United States. Don't worry, bee happy! shutterstock/RUKSUTAKARAN studio 9. Comedy could help anxiety Some people have always benefited from the happiness and laughter comedy can bring about. However, one group of improvisational comedians in Chicago took it a step further by trying to treat anxiety. Their approach was based on a 2017 scientific study into anxiety and comedy. The team used a blend of group therapy sessions and improvisation classes each week to deliver what they called 'a natural remedy' for people suffering from anxiety in the city. The idea is that improvising various comedic situations makes people operate in the present with less time available for dwelling on the past. 10. Brazilian cities offer tax breaks for good deeds Property taxes in some locations in Brazil can be completely wiped out if residents there take advantage of new local laws. Under the scheme, people who adopt stray dogs or plant trees can enjoy a tax break from about a third of their usual bill and will even have it rescinded entirely if they perform enough qualifying good deeds. Places like Goiania, Belo Horizonte, Saraba and Quinta do Sol have all introduced these tax relief schemes to encourage fewer stray dogs and more foliage. Shop owners can also benefit from the scheme by renovating their historic storefronts. ● Main image: shutterstock/VAlekStudio What's your favourite story from the month? We'd love to hear your views in the comments! Written by Ed Gould Ed Gould is a UK-based journalist and practitioner of Reiki.

September was full of feel-good environmental and health stories – but you may not have heard about them! Ed Gould shares his Top Ten round-up from the past month to uplift and inspire. Although feel-good news may have seemed as though it was a bit thin on the ground in September, there were plenty of stories that invoked happiness, positivity and a sense of mankind's progress to a better future. What were some of the most constructive news items from the last month? Here's our Top 10 countdown... 1. Friendships make you happier than family It might be something that sounds obvious at first – that time spent with friends makes people feel greater happiness. Nevertheless, a research paper published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology has shown that friendships can be even more beneficial in the pursuit of happiness than time spent with family. Over 400 participants conducted daily surveys of how happy the felt and the study showed family time was not always the best route to feeling happier. This, the researchers think, is down to family life involving chores to some extent whereas friendships involve fewer 'negative' associations. RELATED: The power of friendship 2. Our older generation is the youngest yet In feel-good news for anyone over a certain age (!), a Finnish study has shown that the current crop of 75 to 80 year-olds are mentally younger than comparable groups of only a few decades ago. By comparing current data with that from the 1990s, the University of Jyväskylä has found that cognitive performance is better among today's older people than ever before. And it's not just brain power, either. The report concludes that muscle strength, walking speed and verbal fluency are all significantly better today than they were in similarly-aged people from three decades ago. Growing older, staying youthful shutterstock/rawpixel.com 3. Mindfulness exercises lower blood pressure Researchers from Florida Atlantic University's Schmidt College of Medicine have conducted research into the effectiveness of mindful breathing exercises. Their work, published in the academic journal Medical Hypotheses, has stated that mindfully-paced breathing can slow the heart rate to around five to seven beats per minute. With deep and diaphragmatic breathing helping to calm the participants, this method can halve the usual relaxed heartbeat rate which with is commonly 12 to 14 beats per minute in adults. RELATED: Meditation vs mindfulness: what's the difference? According to Suzanne LeBlang, MD, a neuro-radiologist who co-authored the study, paced breathing stimulates the parasympathetic nervous system, which likely accounts for the noted drop in blood pressure. 4. Zero-emission flying is now a reality Although carbon offset schemes exist, the fact is aeroplanes still release carbon into the atmosphere at an alarming rate. However, an experimental flight has taken place which uses hydrogen instead of fossil fuels, as reported by Sky News. The inaugural flight took place in Bedfordshire, England, using a new engine that can run on the fossil fuel-free material. The company behind the technology has run test flights before but this was the first time it had been used for a truly commercial flight, perhaps leading the way to a greener future for the air industry. 5. New Zealand could become fully renewable by 2030 In a pledge made to voters in her bid to be re-elected as the country's Prime Minister, Jacinda Ardern has vowed to make New Zealand the first advanced economy to be powered completely by renewable energy sources. Her plan, according to EcoWatch, is to invest in a major green recovery programme to help the country's economy to recover from the pandemic. In turn, she thinks this will mean being able to power all of the Pacific nation's energy requirements from renewable sources within the next decade. “[This] represents a once in a generation chance,” she said, “to reshape the energy system in a renewable, faster, affordable and more secure way.” Wellington, New Zealand shutterstock/Milosz Maslanka 6. New department store only sells recycled items The city authorities have opened a new department store in Berlin. The shop, B-Wa(h)renhaus, sells a wide range of products over its 7,000 square feet of floor space. However, the major difference with this retailer is that everything on offer is pre-owned. Either second-hand items or ones made from recycled materials are available to buy in an effort to reduce the city's wasteful consumer culture. After an initial trial run, it's expected the idea will be replicated in other retail outlets across the German capital, according to reports in Bloomberg. 7. Transparent solar panels help buildings to power themselves According to a report in New Scientist, a team from a clean tech company known as UbiQD have come up with transparent solar panels that are mounted into sheets of glass. The start-up, which was founded in 2014, reckons the panes will be able to be fitted into conventional window units and even glazed atria without the electricity-making technology within them being noticeable. This could mean new skyscrapers are clad entirely in such glass – making those inside able to produce most of their energy needs from the external structure of the building. The firm's test installations have so far shown promising results. 8. More species are surviving extinction A report published in the Guardian stated that 48 bird and mammal extinctions were avoided in the last 30 years thanks to conservation programmes specifically aimed at protecting wildlife. The Californian condor, the pygmy hog and the Iberian lynx are just three species which would otherwise have died out, according to a study carried out by Newcastle University and BirdLife International. Since 1993 it's thought that extinction rates would have been much higher had it not been for such targeted interventions. The Iberian Lynx shutterstock/Tony Mills 9. Polystyrene recycling breakthrough announced A UK company has said that it has developed a new way to repurpose polystyrene. The plastic is often used for packaging and much of it ends up in landfill because the ways it can be recycled are limited. According to the BBC, Recycling Technologies, the Swindon-based company responsible for the new method, has received significant financial backing from a commercial partner that makes lots of polystyrene. This will allow the company to upscale its recycling operations. It's hoped that polystyrene will become a much more sustainable material. 10. A vision of the future? A scientist who has worked on a technique to restore the sight of a group of blind people has won the prestigious Körber European Science Prize. According to Hungary Today, Dr Botond Roska has created a therapy based on gene manipulation that will potentially be able to restore human vision to many people who are currently medically blind. The Hungarian scientist is based in Switzerland and he picked up his prize in Germany in September for what is considered by many to be a revolution in ophthalmology. • Main image: shutterstock/Dark Moon Pictures happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to enjoy these benefits: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips and inspiration ■ share knowledge and help support others in our happiness forum ■ learn and self-develop with free online classes in our happiness Academy Mindfulness | Positive news | Nature | Biotechnology | Biology | Climate change Written by Ed Gould Ed Gould is a UK-based journalist and practitioner of Reiki.

Authenticity can seem like a risky venture in the current screen-obsessed age, wherein we constantly strive to fit in and be accepted by others. Sonia Vadlamani explains why it’s necessary to let go of the fear of being judged in order to cultivate an authentic life. Being authentic in this technology-dominated era can be challenging, especially when we’re constantly bombarded with messages of who we ‘ought to be’, what we ‘should’ desire and how we ‘must’ express ourselves. Consequently, many of us have at some point portrayed ourselves as who we think we are or want to be perceived as, rather than representing who we really are. The downside of portraying who we aren’t is that we’re telling ourselves that the real or true version of us isn’t worthy of being seen. This constant fear of being judged or rejected can chip away at our ability to be our most authentic self. Why is it difficult to overcome inauthenticity? As children, most of us were taught by parents, teachers and other shaping forces like society and religion to ‘fit in’ or conform to a prescribed set of rules and practices. As a result, we ingrain beliefs, thoughts and emotions and exhibit behaviors which allow us to ‘blend in’ and be accepted, be it to form connections, find love or pursue success. This need to fit in and do as we’re taught is stimulated by our “Adaptive Self”, which primarily plays the role of helping us function and coexist in the society in a purposeful way. However, in our constant struggle to carve our niche in the society as we balance our inner-selves and our outer aspects, sometimes we tend to suppress or hide our true selves. This can prevent us from activating our “Authentic Self” and living a meaningful life in tune with our values and purpose. What does being your authentic self involve? “Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we are supposed to be and embracing who we actually are,” states Brené Brown, research professor at University of Houston. Brown has spent decades studying shame, courage and vulnerability. Authenticity can mean different things to different people, but in general it refers to the ability to live by our values, speaking our truth with assertiveness, and developing the courage to allow our true selves to be seen. Authenticity means embracing who you truly are Indeed, authenticity is a fundamental component of happiness. A study by Alex M Wood et al revealed that authenticity is an integral part of well-being. Being authentic can also improve self esteem as well as lower stress and anxiety. 8 ways to be your authentic self Discovering our authentic self is essential for happiness and forming meaningful connections. Reclaiming authenticity involves identifying our core values, letting go of borrowed notions of perfection, and changing our perspective to see vulnerability as an act of courage, instead of something to be avoided. Here are eight practical ways you can take steps to cultivate authenticity: 1. Identify your core values Creating a connection with our true nature is essential for building our authentic self. Start by identifying some values that are fundamental for you: which make you happy and which are the values you cannot absolutely compromise upon? Incorporating visualization meditation into your daily routine can help the process of value identification. For example, some of my core values for a happy and meaningful life are honesty and openness in relationships, kindness and empathy for myself and others, gratitude for the gifts I have in my life, along with constant learning for growth. Indeed, your core values arise from your own expectations, needs and experience, and need not be the same as anyone else’s. “Authenticity can mean different things to different people, but in general it refers to the ability to live by our values, speaking our truth with assertiveness, and developing the courage to allow our true selves to be seen.” Once you list down your core values, break each one down into three actionable steps that will help you live these values better. Since I value honesty and openness in my relationships I try to practise mindfulness, deep listening and forgiveness, so that I can live in closer alignment with my core values. 2. Start making conscious decisions Sometimes, we wade through the day in auto mode without even contemplating if our thoughts and actions resonate with our authentic selves. Try observing yourself keenly to learn more about how you react to challenges, what motivates you, the nature of your social interactions, etc. Notice which behaviors and settings evoke responses from your Adaptive Self, and which of these responses feel authentic to you. Once you’ve spotted the discrepancies between your actions and values, you can utilize this self-awareness to devise conscious statements and actions that resonate with your authentic self. 3. Devise and uphold your boundaries “To free us from the expectations of others, to give us back to ourselves — there lies the great, the singular power of self-respect,” as Joan Didion, the renowned American writer famously quoted. Cultivating authenticity requires us to give up the temptation to appease others and the need to behave in a way that makes us more likeable. Indeed, being your authentic self is not always easy, and living by your principles may require a few difficult conversations, a potential job switch, or even ending a friendship if necessary. RELATED: Uncomfortable truths – how to say 'no' However, by being honest about our boundaries, we’re indicating to our subconscious that it’s OK to not be perfect all the time, thus developing self-validation. Authenticity allows us to share our vulnerability with appropriate boundaries in place, ie, with people who have the same values as you, and those who you feel comfortable with. 4. Instill mindfulness If you're curious how to find happiness, mindfulness can help you find contentment in the small joys that each day brings, thus boosting your mood and overall happiness levels. Additionally, being mindful allows you to observe and understand how you feel and react towards various stimuli in your environment. Keeping physical reminders of mindfulness quotes and practising mindful listening are some effective ways to improve self-awareness and slowly cultivate your authentic self. 5. Exercise compassion towards yourself and others Practising self-compassion allows us to be supportive, kind and accepting towards ourselves, in addition to boosting authenticity in relationships. That’s according to researcher Kristin Neff, who was the first to measure the construct for self-compassion. Practising loving-kindness meditation can prove to be an effective tool for reinforcing feelings of connection and kindness with oneself and others, thus aiding the development of one’s authentic self. Practising compassion unlocks authenticity shutterstock/imtmphoto 6. Embrace vulnerability We often shirk away from being authentic due to the fear of being potentially judged or getting distanced from people around us. Start by asking yourself what you are afraid may happen if you put yourself out there in a scenario that makes you feel vulnerable. Next, proceed to imagine what would happen if you avoided expressing your feelings or needs or asking for that raise that you think you undoubtedly deserve. Could the inability to share or express yourself potentially result in depression or self-sabotage? Thereupon, remind yourself why it’s important for you to live your authentic self by overcoming the vulnerability hangover. Further, you can formulate a rational approach or well-devised plan for expressing your feelings and needs, in a way that is in sync with your authentic self. 7. Practise letting go In her bestseller book The Gifts of Imperfection, Dr Brown reveals that letting go plays an essential role in cultivating your authentic self. While Brown’s research on shame and vulnerability largely reveal that most people allow their inhibitions to take over due to the fear of being emotionally exposed, she came across a group of outliers who reacted differently to such potentially uncertain situations. Dr Brown calls these outliers ‘the wholehearted’, and she named this way of living the ‘wholehearted living’. “Cultivating authenticity requires us to give up the temptation to appease others and the need to behave in a way that makes us more likeable.” According to her research, wholehearted living comprises of embracing imperfections and living life to one’s fullest potential, without letting the fear of other people’s opinions affect their beliefs and actions. Being your authentic self requires you to accept that what others think of you is none of your business, and cultivate the courage to let go of thought-patterns and limiting beliefs that no longer serve you. 8. Set goals for constant learning Developing a growth mindset and being open to self-improvement through ongoing learning can help you attain your authentic self at a sustained pace. Your goals need not just be related to the pursuit of wealth and success – in fact, research points out that non-materialistic life goals lead to happiness as surely – if not more consistently – than materialistic goals. An objective as simple as integrating awe into your daily life can inspire you to learn new things about yourself and life around you. Round-up: cultivating authentic self While we are conditioned from an early age to suppress or hide our authentic self, authenticity is essential for building a life that brings us meaning and joy. Examining our true self to develop authenticity can be a long and cumbersome process, but the rewards in terms of greater life satisfaction and improved relationships make it worth the effort. Main image: shutterstock/ESB Basic happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free now to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum Moral Courage | Mediation | Coaching Written by Sonia Vadlamani Fitness and healthy food blogger, food photographer and stylist, travel-addict and future self journaler. Sonia loves to write and has resolved to dedicate her life to revealing how easy and important it is to be happier, stronger and fitter each day. Follow her daily pursuits at FitFoodieDiary or on Instagram.

There have been plenty of feel-good health and environmental stories in the press during July. Ed Gould rounds up his Top Ten from the past month to uplift and inspire. July was a great month for good news stories. There were, of course, plenty of negative things to pay attention to in the news but that doesn't mean that the month was devoid of positivity and happiness. So, what were some of the happiest news items from the past month? Here's our Top 10 round-up... 1. Hydrogen used to power the Olympic Games The current Tokyo Olympics may have been delayed for 12 months but, according to Euronews, it will be one of the greenest games ever. That's because hydrogen is being used to power the event, a green technology that Japanese engineers have been pioneering. Although not all of the power consumed by hosting the games is derived from hydrogen, the idea is to showcase Japanese technology to the world. It's hoped that hydrogen, as a sustainable alternative to fossil fuels, could help the aviation and shipping industries to become carbon-free in the future. 2. Huge land donation augments the New Mexico wilderness A report in the Associated Press detailed how a donation of land will vastly augment the amount of wilderness that can be preserved in the US state of New Mexico. The Sabinoso Wilderness Area in the north of the state will become about 50 per cent larger than it previously was thanks to the generous donation. The area of nature, which covers part of the ancestral homelands of the Jicarilla Apache people will now become open to the public, since the donated land makes it much more accessible to locals. Elk, mountain lions, turkeys and bears all live in the area and will now enjoy a more protected habitat. 3. Wasps inspire new surgical technique The BBC reported that a team in the Netherlands has been studying wasps to help them come up with a new way of performing keyhole surgery. It seems that the success certain wasp species have with laying their eggs as parasites is ideal for being able to get inside the human body when scaled up. Researchers at the University of Delft have developed a new keyhole surgery method with a novel piece of apparatus that lowers friction on the patient's body. The instrument was only possible because of the observations the team made on the wasps as they laid their eggs. Wasps have inspired a new surgical technique 4. New commercial battery could lead to a green future An American firm, Form Energy Inc, announced in July that it has developed a new form of commercial battery that can store renewable energy until it's needed. Such technology already exists but this usually comes in the form of lithium-ion which has its own environmental cost. However, Form Energy Inc's approach is for a multi-day battery that uses iron-air technology. Capable of being charged and discharged multiple times a day, the company thinks its new batteries are scalable and can be used to help grids store excessive energy until such times when it will be called for. A report in Solar Builder magazine said the method could work without additional costs or sacrificing energy efficiency. 5. Madrid takes action on climate change The authorities in Madrid have decided to plant a forest of trees to help mitigate the effects of climate change on the city. According to Nature World News, the Spanish capital can become unbearably hot in summer which is why a ring of trees will be planted around the city. It is hoped that Madrid will stop trapping heat so much because of the canopy of protection the trees will afford. They will also help to make air quality in the city better as well as providing shade and a means of storing some of the carbon the city creates. RELATED: Forest bathing – 6 science-backed benefits 6. Mussels help to solve the problem of microplastics Plastic waste ending up in the ocean – and the food chain – is a big problem. In fact, smaller particles of plastic are even harder to get out of the world's seas than larger items. However, according to Food Navigator, mussels are able to process microplastics and, what's more, there appears to be no knock-on effect from them so doing. In test conditions, it was found that the sea molluscs could filter microplastics just like they do their main food, plankton. Furthermore, blue mussels effectively trap plastic in their waste which can then be collected much more easily by humans. Mussels could help clear up microplastics shutterstock/Kuttelvaservoa Stuchlova 7. Paralysed man's brainwaves interpreted by a computer It may sound like science fiction, but the brainwaves of people can now be read and interpreted by technology. According to a report in the Guardian, a paralysed man who cannot speak was able to communicate thanks to a computer understanding his brainwaves and converting them into sentences. A neurosurgeon at the University of California, Edward Chang, said that it was exciting to think people are now at the beginning of a new chapter in communication. It's hoped the technique will allow many people who cannot talk or write the chance to express themselves more freely with words. 8. Mindfulness is of benefit to families with children who have ADHD Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder is something that many families have to live with and it can be hard to treat in youngsters. However, a report in WebMD stated that research undertaken at Duke University in North Carolina showed that mindfulness training can help. Interestingly, according to the psychologists involved, mindfulness is not merely of benefit to the child who happens to have been diagnosed with the condition but to his or her family, as well. According to the researchers, mindfulness training helps both the child and the parents to self-regulate their responses to stressful situations. RELATED: Academy – free MBSR course 9. Indians plant millions of saplings A programme in India to plant millions of trees to help fight climate change and prevent desertification may not be unique but its scale is unprecedented. In July, 250 million saplings were planted in a single day, the second time such an astonishing figure has been reached in a single, 24-hour period. What's more encouraging, according to a report in the Independent, is that the survival rate for the saplings is approaching 80 per cent meaning that many of the newly planted trees are likely to make it to maturity, thereby storing lots of carbon that would otherwise be in the atmosphere. 10. Magic mushrooms can help with neural health According to numerous media outlets, including the Metro, a scientific study into so-called magic mushrooms suggests that new neural networks can be forged more easily by those who consume them. The psychoactive fungi help people with neural damage caused by depression to recover, the study suggests. The research was conducted at Yale University and the scientists involved think that the effects are not just profound but will prove to be long-lasting. • Main image: shutterstock/Luc Pouliot happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ develop with free online classes in our happiness Academy Positive news | Biotechnology | Nature | Biology Written by Ed Gould Ed Gould is a UK-based journalist and practitioner of Reiki.

Trusting a partner, friends or even the public isn't easy for some of us. If you're worried you or someone you love has trust issues, psychologist Stanislava Puač Jovanović explains the seven signs you need to look for and offers ideas on regaining trust and moving forward. When you trust someone, you are placing your confidence into their hands. It is a vital human experience. Relationships — and entire societies — are based on essential faith that we will not be harmed. However, confiding is not necessarily an easy thing to do. It is also not a given. Humans develop basic trust in the first months of their lives. It is maintained (or lost) during childhood and adolescence. Even as adults, we can acquire trust issues if we are exposed to severe betrayal. Sometimes, trust issues are so deeply ingrained into our psyche that we do not even recognise having them. But if you've ever asked yourself “Do I have trust issues?”, this article will explain what they are, what signs to look out for, and how to overcome those difficulties in trusting others. What are trust issues? Trust issues are, simply put, difficulties in relying on something or someone. In interpersonal relationships, when you trust someone, you feel that you can depend on them to do what they say they will. So, when you ask yourself: “Do I have trust issues?” elaborate and instead ask yourself: “Is it difficult for me to have faith that people will hold on to their word?” Reading a partner's text? Definitely trust issues! Interestingly, according to the American Psychological Association’s dictionary entry on trust: “the key factor is not the intrinsic honesty of the other people but their predictability.” In other words, to have faith does not mean to be surrounded by trustworthy, honest folks. It is about predicting how they will behave. This aspect of trust is an important point when you are dealing with your trust issues, and we will return to it later on. Now, if we said that basic trust in people is a vital human experience — how does it happen that some people end up with trust issues? (Why) do I have trust issues? Trust is a phenomenon that exists on a continuum. It is not warranted nor advisable to have faith in everyone and everything, of course. Some wariness is a natural, evolutionary response to the unpredictability of life. However, when you have trust issues, you simply cannot relax around people. You expect to be betrayed, lied to, cheated on, taken advantage of — even by those closest to you. Such an unfounded and all-encompassing nature of the lack of trust is what qualifies it as a trust issue. How do issues around trust develop? No person is alike. Therefore, it is also not possible to state a single cause of trust issues. However, there are three main paths to understand their creation, founded in theory and empirical research. The first is Erik Erikson’s work on life cycles. According to this great psychologist, psychosocial development occurs in stages. Starting with the birth until about 18 months of age, infants either acquire or fail to attain basic trust. When the primary caregiver (usually the mother) is responsive, consistent, and reliable, a sense of confidence in others develops. A failure at this stage, conversely, results in mistrust that bleeds into every later relationship. “When you have trust issues, you simply cannot relax around people. You expect to be betrayed, lied to, cheated on, taken advantage of — even by those closest to you.” Another theoretical explanation is the attachment and attachment styles proposed by John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth, respectively. Attachment is formed during early childhood, based on the experience with the primary caregiver and other family members. These early interactions form a blueprint for our subsequent way of relating to others. Trust issues characterise insecure attachment. Finally, even if you were once a trusting person, a traumatic experience in adulthood could make you start distrusting others. Whether you were exposed to violence, psychological or sexual abuse, severe betrayal or disappointment, such experiences could leave a psychological scar and change you. Signs you may have trust issues As we suggested above, trust issues can be thoroughly hidden from your immediate awareness. They potentially developed when you were as young as a few months old. So, trust issues could feel like your part of your nature, not like 'issues' as such. They can be your defence mechanism — by definition, not conscious. So, if you still hear the voice in the back of your mind asking: “Do I have trust issues?” here are seven signs to look for which may suggest that you do. 1. Being overly suspicious of others’ good intentions Trust issues are equal to being excessively wary. Your mind is working under the assumption that people will harm you. Therefore, it might be difficult to accept kindness and gestures of affection for what they are. Your thoughts immediately search for the “real” reasons and ulterior motives behind such actions. 2. Turbulent relationships Trust also affects how couples communicate, as a study confirmed. When you doubt your partner’s intentions, you are likely to pick fights. When you argue, you focus on the negatives instead of your strengths as a couple. The history of your romantic relationships could reveal a pattern of dysfunction, drama, on-again-off-again kind of affairs. When you have trust issues, you could also be prone to developing psychologically unhealthy codependent relationships. People with trust issues often have turbulent relationships shutterstock/New Africa 3. A lack of profound closeness and openness Research has revealed that trust is tied to love and the intimacy of self-disclosure. The opposite is also true. It is only logical — when you expect people to betray you, you are unlikely to share information with them. You could be avoiding affection altogether. Nonetheless, mistrust robs you out of the opportunity to experience close, deep relationships. 4. All-round belief about people being deceptive Trust issues are usually most visible in romantic relationships. However, you might also have an overarching conviction that all people are dishonest and unreliable. Therefore, any social interaction is a cause for mistrust. For example, you buy your groceries and always double-check the change. Teamwork for you means expecting your coworkers to backstab you. In friendships, you are mostly secretive. Trust issues make you walk the world expecting to be double-crossed. 5. Inability to forgive and forget It might seem as if trust issues have kept you safe from harm. In reality, they have caused much more damage than good. Still, you feel that mistrust protects you. Such an impression is particularly likely if you developed trust issues after an adult traumatic experience. If you ever let someone get close to you, chances are, you will be overly sensitive to any hint of treachery. And, if they do end up hurting you, you probably would not be able to forgive and let it go. Indeed, forgiveness and trust are complexly intertwined. For those struggling with trusting people, granting forgiveness can be incredibly challenging. 6. Social isolation and loneliness According to one study, some people are highly motivated to acquire relationship-threatening information. They yearn to find out if others indirectly harmed them. Such individuals also exhibit paranoid thought patterns and act out their suspicion. However, no one likes that. As a result, others socially reject highly distrusting people because they anger them. Another study found that high mistrust leads to a greater chance of a break-up of romantic relationships in a matter of months. 7. Emotional disturbances According to Aaron Beck, a renowned psychiatrist and theoretician, depression goes hand-in-hand with a depressive cognitive triad. In its simplest, the triad means that people prone to depression will have negative beliefs about others and the world, their future, and themselves. “It might seem as if trust issues have kept you safe from harm. In reality, they have caused much more damage than good.” Trust issues make you wary of others and consider them corrupt. The future could look bleak when you expect to be lied to and taken advantage of. Finally, when you are lonely and often rejected for your mistrust, you could also see yourself as being faulty. Therefore, emotional disturbances, starting with depression, could come from your inability to trust others. Dealing with trust issues As explained, trust exists on a continuum. At this point, that means that some people will be able to overcome their trust issues with some soul-searching and support from friends or family. For others, contacting a psychotherapist or a counsellor might be necessary. What are the steps you can take on your own to deal with trust issues? Mostly, it is about changing your perspective and strengthening the ability to handle the uncertainty of relationships. Accept the risk. Let us eat the biggest frog first. Yes, there is a risk of you getting hurt. There always is. That does not mean you ought to live in hiding. An occasional bruise is a part of life. It would be best to learn to accept that such a possibility exists — and get comfortable with that. How? By knowing that you will survive any challenge thrown your way. And — by recognising that not every relationship comes with endless pain. Most people mean well and will treat you kindly. It is possible to overcome minor transgressions and grow as a couple and as individuals. Practise mindfulness. Mindfulness will help you focus on the 'now'. If you learn how to be mindful, you can overcome the ruminations about past hurts. They will not direct your present actions anymore. You will also develop the ability to handle anxieties about the horror scenarios you imagine may happen in the future. Develop coping skills. Do you remember the American Psychological Association’s definition of trust? The bit we said we would get back to later? Trust is not about the intrinsic honesty of others but their predictability. What this means is that in tackling trust issues, we are not to try and change others. Yes, some people will remain deceitful. Instead of trying to avoid betrayal, we need to become able to cope with it. Therefore, work on enhancing your self-confidence. Grow your coping skills. When you arm yourself with faith in your skills, you will be able to muddle through any disappointment from others. In effect, you will also liberate yourself from the constant fear of being let down. Takeaway: dealing with trust issues Perhaps you started reading this article with a question – “Do I have trust issues?” At this point, you might have a better idea if you do. But this is not enough. You ought to work on overcoming them. It will not be an easy road to travel. Trust issues grew in your mind to protect you from maltreatment. You feel that they have kept you safe. Yet, what they do is rob you out of your chances of a spontaneous, free life. You will miss out on everything a fulfilling relationship can give you — inspiration, support, joy, understanding. It is now within your reach to change that. Make the first steps towards a rewarding experience of letting others in. • Main image: shutterstock/WAYHOME studio happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ sharing and supporting others in our happiness forum ■ developing with free online classes in our Academy Authenticity | Empathy | Communication skills Written by Stanislava Puač Jovanović Stanislava Puač Jovanović has a master’s degree in psychology and works as a freelance writer and researcher in this area. Her primary focus is on questions relating to mental health, stress-management, self-development and well-being.

The news agenda is obviously currently dominated by Coronavirus, but let's try not to forget there are still great things happening all over the world. Ed Gould shares his Top Ten round-up from March to uplift and inspire you. If the last month has felt full of stress and worry, you're definitely not alone. And yet, even during the lock-downs that are in place around the globe, positivity still shines through. Many people are socially distancing themselves and making personal sacrifices in order to help save the lives of people they will never meet. Viewed from the right angle, that is something of a feel-good news item in its own right. And here are ten more from March: let's celebrate these feel-good new stories during this difficult time for the world – they may just give you hope for the future of humanity. 1.Reusing face masks possible thanks to new techniques According to CNN, researchers at Duke University, a medical research facility in North Carolina, have found a way to continue using medical face masks. There has been a global shortage of such masks in the current Covid-19 emergency which has led to severe strains on medical teams around the world. However, the pioneering work at the Regional Biocontainment Laboratory there has meant that N95 respirator masks can now be decontaminated and safely re-worn without fear of passing on infection. RELATED: How to keep the greater good in mind during the Coronavirus outbreak 2. Big step to discovering secrets of life taken The origins of life on Earth are a little murky. Scientists know the conditions that are needed but not what might have kick-started the whole process. However, American scientists have now discovered evidence for a plausible hypothesis. Researchers have been looking at a meteorite first discovered in 1990 and found that it contains a protein on it that was previously unknown in nature. This leads some to think that a similar life form may have travelled to the Earth in prehistory, beginning the chain of reactions that we know collectively as life. 3. Madagascar to plant millions of trees To celebrate its 60th anniversary as an independent state, the government in Madagascar announced its backing for a tree-planting programme in March. It will set about putting no fewer than one million new trees into the ground for every year of its independence from colonial rule. Madagascar has one of the most unique ecologies on the planet but it has been increasingly under threat because of the outbreaks of forest fires on the island. According to the ecology website, Afrik21, the reforestation programme will commence in June. New trees, new life: Baobab trees in Madagascar 4. The ozone later continues to heal In the 1980s, the banning of certain chemicals started to see some minor repairs to the damage done to the planet's ozone layer. However, over 30 years on, those moves are continuing to benefit us all, according to New Scientist. The magazine reported that a team at the University of Colorado Boulder had been studying wind patterns as a result of the ozone layer healing up and it showed them that reversals in the size of certain hurricane-causing air currents were now detectable from space. 5. NHS staff given free mindfulness apps The UK's health service personnel are at the forefront of dealing with the fallout from the Covid-19 outbreak and they don't always get the support and recognition they deserve. However, the Independent reported that Headspace, a popular mindfulness app, will be freely available to all NHS workers during the pandemic. The app focusses on stress reduction and resilience, meaning it could play a big part in helping to keep key workers in the front line. RELATED: The best mindfulness podcasts: our top 7 picks 6. A revolution in lung transplants? According to a feel-good news report in Interesting Engineering, Israeli surgeons have been able to remove a lung, clean it and put it back in a patient for the first time. It's hoped that the techniques they've developed will allow them to help people with life-threatening conditions, such as lung cancer, without the need to conduct a transplant. Dr Yuri Faischowitz at Beilinson Hospital in Petah Tikva said that the method required one healthy lung to continue functioning while the delicate repair work was carried out on the other. 7. Huge investment into solar power According to Bloomberg, GCL System Integration Technology Company – a Chinese manufacturing firm – will open up a new solar panel factory that will be on a scale never seen before. The eastern city of Hefei has been chosen as the one that will accommodate the photovoltaic plant, at an estimated cost of £2 billion. According to the company's press release, the facility will have sufficient output to meet half of the world's current demand for this technology on its own. This could mean prices for consumers reduce even further while helping to reduce the effects that fossil fuel energy consumption has on global climate change. New solar panel factory on the way shutterstock/Sonpichit Salangsing 8. Wales plans huge new forest In reports that were carried by numerous media outlets, the country of Wales in the UK is set to reforest a huge area that will mean woodland stretches over vast swathes of the Principality. The £5 million government scheme is being augmented by the efforts of Welsh schoolchildren who will be involved in the necessary planting work. Corridors of woodland will link larger sections of forest, thereby helping biodiversity in Wales. It will also help as a part of the wider UK government's carbon strategy. RELATED: The benefits of forest bathing 9. Two big high street brands have banned paper cups Starbucks and McDonald's, two of the world's biggest sellers of convenience beverages, have announced that they will be soon ditching their paper and cardboard cups. Around 250 billion such single-use cups are said to be used each year. The two brands have decided to opt for the latest type of recyclable plastic cups instead. This follows a couple of pilot projects that showed the new cups were reliable and more environmentally friendly than what had previously been used. 10. Museums offer virtual tours to replace in-person ones Some museums had been offering virtual tours for a while, helping to control the numbers of in-person visitors to extremely popular sites, such as the Palace Museum, housed in the Forbidden City in Beijing. However, the idea has since become incredibly trendy thanks to the need for people to visit places of cultural interest without having the ability to be there in a physical sense. According to Time Out, which has cleverly temporarily rebranded itself as Time In, famous institutions like the British Museum in London and the Guggenheim art gallery in New York City are now getting in on the act. And it's not just museums – Cincinnati Zoo has produced some highly entertaining 'virtual safari' videos on its YouTube channel so that viewers can interact with its animals while learning about them. Main image: shutterstock/Dennis van de Water What's your favourite feel-good news story from the past month? We'd love to hear your views in the comments! Written by Ed Gould Ed Gould is a UK-based journalist and practitioner of Reiki.

A new year means new beginnings. Ed Gould shares his Top Ten round-up of feel-good news stories from January to kick-start 2020. January was full of feel-good news. If you thought that there was too little happiness and not enough to cheer you in mainstream news outlets, then read on to discover some of the positive stories you may have missed. 1. Stem cells used to combat pain in global first The use of stem cell research is controversial, but supporters of it are now likely to find more people being supportive of the technique thanks to work conducted at the University of Sydney. A research team there has claimed to have made a breakthrough with pain management, something that should bring happiness to anyone who suffers from the chronic condition. Taking stem cells from patients with injured nerves, the researchers have been able to repair them, thereby alleviating often excruciating pain without relying on drugs. 2. New process allows rubbish to be made into wonder material Engineers and product designers have long considered graphene, a carbon-based material, to be strong, durable and light. However, it has never been made out of rubbish before. According to The Engineer, this is soon to change because of a process developed at Rice University in Texas. Now, plastic waste and even old rubber tyres can be made into graphene at a fraction of the usual outlay, thanks to the work of researchers there. It's hoped that the graphene made will be industrialised and added to concrete, making it stronger and more environmentally friendly. 3. Mindfulness can help us to be less fearful According to a report in Medical News Today, mindfulness has been shown in numerous scientific studies to help people unlearn what they've learned from their fear. Of course, fear is an adaptive response that helps us to survive. However, with mindfulness, we can unlearn the traits associated with fearfulness that may be holding us back. According to the latest research in Scandinavia and China, inappropriate fear responses – such as phobias – can be addressed by invoking mindfulness techniques. Fear not: mindfulness may help shutterstock/Avesun 4. New hope for anti-cancer drugs The search for new and more targeted oncology drugs is something that continues around the globe. However, according to a report published by Reuters, US scientists have discovered that many drug therapies already in use for other conditions may have a cancer-fighting effect, too. Dr Steven Corsello of the Dana-Farber Cancer Institute and the Broad Institute at MIT said that a surprising number of non-oncology drugs have the ability to see off cancer cells under laboratory conditions. His team tested some 4,500 drugs with no previously reported anti-cancer properties and found that at least 50 were successful. 5. Breakthrough in solar technology announced A research team led by Claudia Turro, a chemistry professor at Ohio State University, has found that a lone molecule could be harnessed in a way that will make solar panels more effective. The chemistry involved means that the full spectrum of sunlight can be captured by solar cells, thereby making them much more effective than at present. The idea is to develop the technique to make a much sought-after type of hydrogen fuel from sunlight. 6. Doing good relieves mental and physical pain People who are kind all the time may already realise the power of kindness, but researchers in China have scientifically demonstrated that being nice to others has a benefit to us. Their work, published during January in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, has shown that altruistic behaviours led to relief from acutely induced physical pain and even had a positive effect on those suffering chronic pain. Their work suggests there must have been some kind of evolutionary benefit to kindness, as humans developed into more social animals living in groups. Kindness leads to happiness shutterstock/Daisy Daisy 7. China moves against single-use plastics Some people complain that the moves many of us make – such as phasing out the use of plastic bags – is not worth it until hugely populous countries such as China do the same. However, the People's Republic announced that it would do so from the end of 2020 and hopes to remove all single-use plastics from urban centres in as little as two years. In a report published by the BBC, the restaurant industry in the country will have to do away with plastic straws almost immediately. 8. Blood flow study could help dementia sufferers A team at University College London in the UK has discovered the bio-mechanism that allows brains to monitor their blood supply in a study conducted on rats. It's now hoped this can be monitored to work out the relationship between this mechanism and the onset of dementia, which has long been associated with blood flow rates in the brain. 9. Lego is bringing about a more mindful approach The Daily Telegraph reported a particular generation was increasingly using Lego building as a way to achieve flow and greater happiness in their daily lives. In January, the newspaper said that millennials were playing with the plastic bricks to make things that had an effect on their mindfulness which was akin to engaging in practices like yoga. Some have put this down to the fact that younger adults are more aware of mental health stresses than older generations and are therefore seeking therapies they can enjoy to avoid them. Could Lego boost flow? shutterstock/FamVeld 10. Dry January being overtaken by increasing numbers of teetotallers According to Men's Health magazine, more people are getting involved with alcohol abstinence than ever before, and it's not just for the first month of the year. In increasing numbers people are opting to abandon booze all together, thanks to public health campaigns and the publicity associated with dry January. The report cites scientific research at the University of Washington as well as changing British attitudes to alcohol as revealed in a recent YouGov survey. What a sobering thought! ● Main image: shutterstock/diy13 Written by Ed Gould Ed Gould is a UK-based journalist and practitioner of Reiki.

An often invisible illness, diagnosing quiet borderline personality disorder isn't easy. Luckily, the treatment for this condition can be, as psychologist Stanislava Puač Jovanović explains... I have known a few people with borderline personality disorder (BPD) in my life. I can say with certainty that they suffered — as did those close to them. However, thanks to the explosive nature of the disorder, however unpleasant it may be, BPD did not stay hidden. Some of them were diagnosed and received treatment. More importantly, they learned to understand the nature of their unpredictable emotions and reactions. I probably also know a few people with quiet borderline personality disorder (QBPD). Unfortunately, I cannot say that I know who they are. Are they aware that what they are going through is a disorder? Quite possibly not. Do their loved ones understand what is happening? They might not have a clue. That's because quiet borderline personality disorder is a difficult but often invisible ordeal. As this article will make clear, it bears the burden of the BPD. Still, it stays concealed — often even from the affected person themselves. Yet, the moment you understand QBPD and its manifestations, the path towards treatment opens. So, what is quiet borderline personality disorder? What is quiet borderline personality disorder and how is it diagnosed? Before we can hope to understand quiet borderline personality disorder, we need to grasp the concept of a personality disorder as such. Unlike some other mental disorders that come and go, personality disorders are usually enduring. One of the criteria for diagnosis states: “The impairments in personality functioning and the individual’s personality trait expression are relatively stable across time and consistent across situations.” Personality disorders are pervasive, unchanging, and present at least from adolescence. They form an inner experience and behaviour pattern deviant from a person’s cultural norms. “A person affected by quiet borderline personality disorder aims hostility and anger at themselves. Feeling sombre and dejected is often mixed with a buried feeling of anger and disappointment towards others.” In other words, it seems to be the structure of the individual’s personality that is affected. A personality disorder is apparent throughout life and across different contexts. A person who is, for example, narcissistic will act that way at work, in love, with family and strangers. Those who know them will tell you that it is how they have been forever. What is borderline personality disorder? QBPD is a variation of BPD. Therefore, we need to be clear on what the disorder entails. Borderline personality disorder is a syndrome of disordered functioning in relationship to oneself and others. To meet the diagnostic criteria, the affected person has to manifest the following symptoms: Impairments in self-functioning. They can be unsure of who they are as a person. They might feel empty inside and succumb to excessive self-criticism. Sometimes, goals, aspirations and career plans are unstable. A person with BPD keeps changing their direction in life. Impairments in interpersonal functioning. They lack empathy or have severe problems in establishing meaningful close relationships. Being emotionally unstable, anxious, depressive, or fearing rejection and separation. Disinhibition, meaning that they are highly impulsive and often take excessive risks. Hostility, anger, and irritability. Subtypes of BPD The current classification of mental disorders does not divide the BPD into subtypes. Nonetheless, the official criteria could be combined differently. As a result, individuals with BPD are often very unalike. This is probably one of the reasons why borderline personality disorder has long been notoriously under-detected and misdiagnosed in clinical practice. Aiming hostility at oneself is a sign of QBPD shutterstock/airdone It is also why many popular psychology authors voiced their opinion about the subtypes of BPD. Some scholars and practitioners also argue that borderline personality disorder should be divided into three subtypes based on the dominant cognitive mechanisms in their foundations. A 2017 study determined three clusters of BPD patients with distinct profiles: Most patients were those with the “core BPD” features, that is, typical borderline personalities. A second “Extravert/externalising” subtype was characterised by high levels of histrionic, narcissistic, and antisocial features. A third, smaller subtype had schizotypal and paranoid features — therefore, it is named “Schizotypal/paranoid”. Million and Davis have proposed, based on extensive professional expertise in the realm of personality disorders, that there are four subtypes of BPD: Discouraged or “quiet” borderline Impulsive borderline Petulant borderline Self-destructive borderline So, what are the symptoms of the quiet BPD subtype? Symptoms of QBPD Most professionals and laypeople would think of someone with BPD as an explosive, violent and hostile person. An unpredictable and impulsive human ticking bomb. However, it appears that there are those affected by the disorder whose suffering remains largely invisible. In quiet borderline personality disorder, all the symptoms of the BPD are directed inwards. According to Million and Davis, a person affected by quiet borderline personality disorder aims the borderline hostility and anger at oneself. They might act clingy and form codependent relationships. Feeling sombre and dejected is often mixed with a buried feeling of anger and disappointment towards others. However, they do not let it show. Their anger is more likely to be manifested as self-harm and suicide attempts than aggression towards others. Could you be living with QPBD? Here are some of the signs that suggest you could be living with quiet borderline personality disorder: You are very good at hiding your true emotions. You present a composed façade at all times. You might not even be able to recognise or describe your feelings correctly (alexithymia), so they fester inside. You are high-functioning and successful; a perfectionistic even. When emotional pain becomes too much to bear, you detach from the world and your inner experiences. You may feel like you were in a dream or a movie, unable to feel connected. You may be a people-pleaser. You need to be liked, and you yearn for appreciation from those you fall for. You experience bouts of anxiety at the slightest sign of disapproval. Your buttons are easily pushed around other people. You know that you are prone to feeling hurt, insulted or humiliated. To prevent it, you might prefer distancing yourself from others. You might be putting people into one of the two categories — they are either impeccable or atrocious. It is a mechanism called “splitting” or polarised thinking. You might be so profoundly afraid of being abandoned that you avoid getting close to others altogether. It protects you from hurt. You tend to feel irrational guilt and self-loathing. For this reason, you could be at risk of engaging in self-harming behaviour, including having suicidal thoughts. (If this is the case, please reach out to any local service or organisation that deals with mental health to help you get your way out of that dark path). Your priorities and interests change erratically. Your commitment changes on a day-to-day basis. Be it a project, a hobby, or a person, QBPD comes with a lack of consistency in dedication. You seem utterly devoted to something, only for it to fall into oblivion in the next moment. You crave control and order. Situations in which you do not know what to say or do make you feel uneasy. In effect, you are not living spontaneously. Where does the difference between the typical BPD and the quiet variant come from? One possible explanation is Lynch and colleagues’ work on undercontrol versus overcontrol in clinical settings. In short, the majority of those affected by BPD (the typical syndrome) are undercontrolled. They are impulsive, erratic and dysregulated. Nonetheless, some people are overcontrolled; meaning that they are reserved, hard to engage, seemingly emotionally flat. Yet, their inner world is as tempestuous as that of the undercontrolled individuals. Treatment for QBPD At this point, we return to the statement made in the introduction. Unfortunately, the quiet variant of BPD is even more undetected compared to BPD as a whole. Why? It is simple — people living with the condition do not let it show. They rarely (if ever) seek help. They overcontrol. Why can't I make friends? How to help someone having a panic attack What is an introvert hangover? Nonetheless, even if it feels unnatural, if you recognise the symptoms mentioned above, it is vital for you to reach out. And if someone you know seems to be affected by QBPD, try pointing them out towards learning about the disorder and getting professional help to deal with it. “Unfortunately, the quiet variant of BPD is even more undetected compared to BPD as a whole. Why? It is simple — people living with the condition do not let it show. They rarely (if ever) seek help.” Unfortunately, not enough is understood about QBPD to determine which psychotherapy modality would work best. The following approaches were scientifically explored and are used in clinical practice for the treatment of BPD. In addition to psychotherapy, medication is sometimes prescribed. 1. Cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT) The basic principle of CBT is to work on modifying the thinking and behavioural patterns that are unhelpful and perpetuate the disorder. According to a systematic review of 45 studies, CBT is beneficial in treating personality disorders in general — and BPD in particular. The findings of another study confirmed that CBT could help decrease the symptoms, distress, anxiety, suicide ideation and dysfunctional beliefs typical of BPD. Quiet Borderline Personality Disorder can be treated 2. Dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT) DBT is one of the CBT modalities. It was developed specifically to treat BPD. In 2016 it was still the only empirically supported treatment for BPD. It targets the unstable sense of self, chaotic relationships, fear of abandonment, emotional lability and impulsivity (such as self-injurious behaviours). During the therapeutic process, the clients develop skills such as mindfulness, interpersonal effectiveness, emotion regulation, and distress tolerance. 3. Radically Open Dialectical Behavioural Therapy (RO-DBT) The previous two modalities are implemented in treating BPD in general. The quiet variant could also benefit from them, given that the core issues are shared across the syndrome. However, RO-DBT was developed specifically for disorders of overcontrol. The authors designed it to address difficult-to-treat mental health conditions. And yes, QBPD is difficult to treat. The approach focuses on developing mental flexibility, openness, healthy emotional expression and social connectedness. Take control over your QBPD Living with a quiet borderline personality disorder is not an easy thing to do. BPD is known to cause severe problems in the person’s relationship with themselves and the world. When you keep all those BPD emotions and thoughts within, pushing through the day can sometimes feel like Sisyphus work. I will not pretend quiet borderline personality disorder will go away in the blink of an eye for the sake of pep talk. However, you can learn to develop a psychologically healthier way of being. Adequate support and treatment can teach you how to rebuild your view of the world. With a change in your mindset, you can nurture close relationships with others based on empathy and respect. Although every personality disorder is a persistent companion, it does not have to determine your future. All you need to do is take one simple step now. Open yourself up to a fuller and richer life. Reach out. • Main image: shutterstock/Olga W Boeva happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Join free now and: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine ■ share and support in our happiness forum ■ Develop with free online Academy classes Authenticity | Empathy | Communication skills Written by Stanislava Puač Jovanović Stanislava Puač Jovanović has a master’s degree in psychology and works as a freelance writer and researcher in this area. Her primary focus is on questions relating to mental health, stress-management, self-development and well-being.

Self-forgiveness is important for our mental health and overall well-being, research suggests. Sonia Vadlamani explains the seven steps you can take to learn how to forgive yourself and move forward to lead a happier, more meaningful life. ‘To err is human, but to forgive is divine’ as the age-old saying goes. Indeed, it’s a fact of life that we all make mistakes. However, learning from these errors, letting go of the negative emotions attached to them – such as guilt, resentment, shame – and moving on by practising self-forgiveness is crucial for our well-being and happiness. Forgiveness, or the deliberate choice to let go of anger, regret or revenge towards someone who may have wronged you, can be a helpful healing tool. However, often people don’t realize that forgiving themselves is a viable choice that they can put in practice. In addition, while forgiving others for their wrongdoings can come easily to us, we usually find it much harder to condone our own mistakes from the past and practise self-forgiveness. Contrary to what you may assume, self-forgiveness doesn’t mean that you’re off the hook for your past bad behavior. It doesn’t even mean that the action you regret needs to be tolerated further or forgotten. Instead, forgiving yourself entails accepting and taking accountability for your misdirected actions, thoughts or feelings. Indeed, self-forgiveness involves knowing that you can’t change your past behaviour/s, but are willing to come to terms with the wrongful act and consequently, let go of the past. Why self-forgiveness is essential Self-forgiveness does not always come easy, as it requires us to acknowledge and accept some uncomfortable facts or feelings. However, it is essential to know how to forgive yourself, as dwelling in negative feelings like guilt, shame, frustration and anger can take a toll on our mental health and physical well-being. Dwelling in these feelings can lead to self-hatred, impacting our well-being and happiness levels. In fact, research points out that the ability to forgive yourself with greater ease is directly linked to higher overall well-being levels. Additionally, researchers Michael Wohl et al suggest that higher levels of self-forgiveness can also serve as a protective shield from conditions like depression, post-traumatic stress disorder and anxiety. Self-forgiveness is linked to higher levels of happiness Indeed, self-forgiveness entails some degree of cognitive reframing of one’s views about themselves. Researcher Margaret R Holmgren suggests that the ability to forgive ourselves allows us to recognize our intrinsic worth and its independence from our wrongdoing. This means that over time and with consistent practice, we can forgive ourselves with greater ease and lead a stress-free, productive and meaningful life. How to forgive yourself: 7 steps Forgiveness doesn’t just benefit others you’ve wronged or were unfair to, but is beneficial for you as well. In fact, self-forgiveness allows you to develop deeper perception regarding your actions and thoughts. Learning how to forgive yourself enables you to move forward with a better understanding of how you react in different situations, strengthening your resolve to prevent such behavior in the future. Learning how to forgive someone How to let go of resentment 12 ways to practise self-acceptance Indeed, forgiving yourself constitutes an important part of correcting your wrongful actions or behavior for the future course. However, research points out that self-forgiveness doesn’t happen unintentionally, but is a conscious effort that relies on a carefully devised, stepwise approach. Here are seven steps suggested to help you exercise self-forgiveness, including undertaking suitable actions for making necessary changes in your behavior. 1. Define what forgiveness means to you Self-forgiveness holds different meanings for different people, even though the end goal remains the same, which is to come to terms with our actions or feelings from the past, instead of wallowing in regret, guilt or shame. Our definition of self-forgiveness usually stems from our personal beliefs, value systems, family, religious ideology, etc. “It is essential to know how to forgive yourself, as dwelling in negative feelings like guilt, shame, frustration and anger can take a toll on our mental health and physical well-being.” For example, for me, I’ve understood over the years that self-forgiveness involves coming clean and apologizing sincerely to the person I may have hurt, no matter how difficult or trivial it may seem at the time. Understand what forgiveness means to you and proceed to define it in a clear manner, so that you can devise the approach that aligns best with your thought process and values. 2. Recognize your feelings This step requires you to sort through the various emotions you experience when you recollect a wrongful action committed in the past and acknowledge the feelings you identify with the most at the moment. Set aside some time to experience each feeling without any judgment, as you recount your wrongful action or unfair behavior that’s bothering your conscience. Resist the temptation to deny acknowledgement of your feelings due to shame or guilt, as ignoring these emotions can cause further inner turmoil. On the other hand, acknowledging these feelings will help you gain a deeper insight, allowing you to forgive yourself and possibly prevent such situations from arising in the future. 3. Take responsibility for your actions This may prove to be the most challenging step, especially because accepting the fact that you made a mistake or acted unfairly isn’t always an easy feat. However, it can’t be denied that acknowledging your mistakes and assuming responsibility for the same is the steadiest way to forgive yourself for your unjust behavior in the past. Taking the time to acknowledge your missteps also allows you to gain an in-depth perspective about your reaction to various stimuli and vulnerabilities. This will enable you to move forward in life and may help improve your composure during unforeseen situations in the future. 4. Apologize with sincerity A sincere, heartfelt apology makes a significant impact when it comes to self-forgiveness or forgiving others, according to a 2021 study from Japan's Kobe Gakuin University. Researchers there reviewed the effect of different types of apologies on various conflict resolution situations. Apologizing for your actions conveys your regret regarding the pain you may have inflicted on someone. It shows that you reflected on your mistake, acknowledge the emotions of someone who was wronged, and are willing to act in a different way in the future to avoid a similar mistake. Apologizing to others help with your own self-forgiveness shutterstock/fizkes 5. Draw focus onto the lessons learnt Forgiving yourself will truly be possible when you’re ready to learn from your mistakes and wrongful acts in the past. Instead of constantly criticizing or condemning yourself, strive to understand what causes the behaviors which you may later regret. Learn from your vulnerability, fears and failures by reflecting on questions like, “Why does this situation lead me to act in a certain manner?”, “How can I deal with this situation more gracefully?” or “How do I rectify my default reaction should this scenario arise again?” 6. Make meaningful amends Once you’ve acknowledged your mistakes and apologized, consider what else you can do to resolve the mistake, and devise an action plan to achieve it. For instance, when I realized that sometimes my witty quips end up offending or hurting people around me, I decided to simply be more mindful about the way I put my thoughts into words. After all, there isn’t a way to take back the words we’ve already uttered, but it’s possible to prevent the hurt and misunderstandings if we communicate respectfully and with kindness in the first place. “Higher levels of self-forgiveness can also serve as a protective shield from conditions like depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, and anxiety.” Bringing about meaningful changes in your behavior and actions can help you shift your focus from mistakes of the past to working towards a more effective solution for the future. 7. Be compassionate Have you ever noticed that we tend to be harder on ourselves, and find it easier to forgive others than ourselves for the wrongs of the past? Carole Pertofsky, Director Emerita for Wellness and Health Promotion at Stanford University, implies that we are prone to self-criticism and tend to judge ourselves harshly while mistaking it for self-discipline, which makes it difficult for us to exercise self-compassion. “Self-forgiveness is treating yourself as you would treat your own friend,” Pertofsky told Scope, the Stanford Medicine magazine. “It is a skill that involves mind, body, heart and action,” she continues. Indeed, we can learn to treat ourselves with compassion by embracing our imperfections and work towards living a life without regret. Takeaway: self-forgiveness Self-forgiveness may not come easily to most of us, as it needs us to acknowledge uncomfortable feelings, and serves to remind us of our flawed nature. However, coming to terms with your imperfections and forgiving yourself for any wrongdoing can positively impact several areas of your life. Learning how to forgive yourself with greater ease is an essential skill that requires some introspection and practice. Implementing these steps for self-forgiveness in practice will equip you to act more responsibly in the future, in addition to teaching you to exercise mindfulness and inculcate gratitude in everyday life. • happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Join free now and: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine ■ share and support in our happiness forum ■ Develop with free online Academy classes Communication skills | Trust | Empathy Written by Sonia Vadlamani Fitness and healthy food blogger, food photographer and stylist, travel-addict and future self journaler. Sonia loves to write and has resolved to dedicate her life to revealing how easy and important it is to be happier, stronger and fitter each day. Follow her daily pursuits at FitFoodieDiary or on Instagram.

Kannst du dir vorstellen, Freiwilligenarbeit zu leisten? Es ist eine tolle Möglichkeit Einzelpersonen und Gemeinschaften in Not zu helfen. Und wie Calvin Holbrook schreibt, sind die Vorteile eines solchen Altruismus wissenschaftlich bewiesen. Der Artikel erschien im Original im englischen happiness Magazin. Für die meisten von uns, die ein sehr geschäftiges Leben führen, scheint die Idee der Freiwilligentätigkeit, bei der man seine Zeit und Energie für eine Sache ohne finanzielle Belohnung bereitstellt, eine unmögliche Aufgabe. Ich meine, wie soll es möglich sein, noch mehr in unsere ohnehin schon vollgepackten Terminkalender einzubauen? Freiwilligenarbeit ist jedoch aus vielen Gründen wichtig und muss nicht viel Zeit in Anspruch nehmen. Tatsächlich bringt die Freiwilligentätigkeit nicht nur für denjenigen, die Unterstützung erhalten, viele Vorteile mit sich. Die Freiwilligen selbst haben ebenfalls enorme Vorteile von ihrem Engagement. Diese Vorteile erklären zum Teil die gestiegene Beliebtheit der Freiwilligenarbeit in den letzten Jahren. Von 2012 bis 2013 gaben 29 Prozent der Erwachsenen in England an, sich mindestens einmal im Monat freiwillig engagiert zu haben. Die Zahl in den Vereinigten Staaten ist mit rund 25 Prozent nicht weit davon entfernt (mit etwas mehr freiwilligen Frauen als Männern). Es ist vielversprechend, dass immer mehr dieser Menschen junge Erwachsene sind. In Großbritannien meldeten sich im Jahr 2015 2,9 Millionen Menschen im Alter von 16 bis 25 Jahren für freiwillige Arbeit. Verglichen mit 1,8 Millionen im Jahr 2010 entspricht dies einer Steigerung von 50 Prozent. Verwandtes Thema: Glück kann man nicht kaufen Woher aber kommt das Interesse an Freiwilligenarbeit? Der griechische Philosoph Aristoteles sagte einmal, die Essenz des Lebens bestehe darin, „anderen zu dienen und Gutes zu tun“. Es scheint, dass immer mehr von uns aufwachen und sehen, warum Freiwilligenarbeit so wichtig ist und wie die Hilfe für andere nicht nur diesen Personen und Gemeinschaften nützt, sondern auch uns selbst. Warum ist Freiwilligenarbeit wichtig? Freiwilligenarbeit ist deshalb so wichtig, da sie essenzielle Hilfe für wohltätige Zwecke, für Menschen in Not und für die Allgemeinheit bietet. Tatsächlich müssen sich viele Organisationen und Wohltätigkeitsorganisationen auf die Großzügigkeit von Freiwilligen verlassen, da sie häufig nur zum Teil von der Regierung oder von lokalen Behörden mitfinanziert werden und sie es sich daher nicht leisten können, Gehälter für alle ihre Mitarbeiter zu zahlen. Viele Unternehmen sind fast ausschließlich auf Teams aus freiwilligen Helfern angewiesen, um erfolgreich zu sein und die notwendige Arbeit zu erledigen. Was also sind die Vorteile von Freiwilligenarbeit? Natürlich liegen die Vorteile der Freiwilligentätigkeit für diejenigen, die Hilfe erhalten, auf der Hand. Unabhängig davon, ob du Kindern in einem Land der Dritten Welt kostenlosen Englischunterricht ermöglichst oder an deinem örtlichen Strand Müll einsammelst; die Vorteile für den Empfänger und die breitere Gemeinschaft sind in der Regel einer der Gründe, warum man sich für eine freiwillige Tätigkeit entscheiden. Aber hast du schon einmal darüber nachgedacht, wie wichtig Freiwilligenarbeit für denjenigen ist, der sie tut? Tatsächlich ist Freiwilligenarbeit für den Handelnden aus einer ganzen Reihe von Gründen von Vorteil: Stressreduzierung, Bekämpfung von Depressionen und Hilfe bei der Suche nach Sinnhaftigkeit. „Freiwilligenarbeit ist deshalb so wichtig, da sie essenzielle Hilfe für wohltätige Zwecke, für Menschen in Not und für die Allgemeinheit bietet.“ Und obwohl Studien zeigen, dass mehr freiwilliges Engagement zu mehr Vorteilen führt, bedeutet das nicht, dass Freiwilligentätigkeiten eine langfristige Verpflichtung erfordern. Selbst wenn du dich auf eine einfache Weise durch Spenden engagierst, kannst du dadurch den Bedürftigen helfen und dein eigenes Wohlbefinden und Glück verbessern. Wir sollten also einmal einen genaueren Blick darauf werfen, was genau freiwillige Arbeit für einen Nutzen mit sich bringt. Hier sind die sieben wesentlichen Vorteile dieser altruistischen Handlung: 1. Freiwilligenarbeit verbindet dich mit anderen Wenn du dich einsam oder isoliert fühlst, oder auch einfach nur deinen Bekanntenkreis erweitern willst, kann freiwilliges Engagement in deiner Gemeinde eine tolle Möglichkeit sein, neue Leute kennen zu lernen. Tatsächlich ist einer der besten Wege, um neue Freunde zu finden oder bestehende Beziehungen zu stärken, zusammen einer gemeinsamen Aktivität nachzugehen. Bei Freiwilligentätigkeiten tust du genau das. Freiwilligenarbeit ist ein gutes Werkzeug, sich mit seinen Mitmenschen zu verbinden. © Professional/Shutterstock Wenn du kürzlich in eine neue Stadt oder ein neues Land gezogen bist, ist Freiwilligenarbeit eine einfache Möglichkeit, neue Leute kennenzulernen. Außerdem stärkt ein solches Engagement deine Bindung an die lokale Gemeinschaft und erweitert dein Unterstützungsnetzwerk. Darüber hinaus verbindet es dich mit Menschen, die gemeinsame Interessen und Leidenschaften haben und gute Freunde werden könnten. Freiwilligenarbeit ist außerdem auch eine spannende Möglichkeit, Menschen zu treffen, mit denen du normalerweise nicht in Kontakt kommen würdest: Menschen aus verschiedenen Altersgruppen, ethnischen Gruppen oder sozialen Gruppen. Da die Freiwilligenarbeit für alle offen ist, kannst du auf diese Weise eine Vielzahl von Menschen aus allen möglichen Lebensbereichen kennenlernen, was dir nur noch weiter die Augen öffnen kann! 2. Freiwilligenarbeit schafft Selbstvertrauen und Selbstwertgefühl Gutes für andere und die Gemeinschaft zu tun, schafft mitunter ein natürliches Erfolgserlebnis. Die Arbeit als Freiwilliger kann dich stolz machen und dir ein Identitätsgefühl vermitteln. Sie kann auch dazu beitragen, dein Selbstvertrauen zu stärken, indem du aus deiner natürlichen Komfortzone und Umgebung trittst. Grundsätzlich hilft dir Freiwilligenarbeit dabei, dich besser und wohler mit dir selbst zu fühlen. Dieses Gefühl kannst du mit in deinen „normalen“ Alltag nehmen und eine hoffentlich positivere Sicht auf dein eigenes Leben und zukünftige Ziele erschaffen. Wenn du schüchtern bist oder eher ängstlich gegenüber neuen Erfahrungen, Kulturen und Reisen, kann Freiwilligenarbeit im Ausland eine aufschlussreiche Möglichkeit sein, um auch in diesem Bereich Selbstvertrauen aufzubauen (und nicht zu vergessen, gleichzeitig ein bisschen von der Welt zu sehen!). „Wenn du dich einsam fühlst, oder auch einfach nur deinen Bekanntenkreis erweitern willst, kann freiwilliges Engagement in deiner Gemeinde eine tolle und unterhaltsame Möglichkeit sein, neue Leute kennen zu lernen.“ Untersuchungen haben gezeigt, dass Freiwilligenarbeit besonders nützlich und wichtig für Jugendliche sein kann, die gerade erst ihren Lebensweg angetreten haben, um dadurch ihr Selbstwertgefühl und Selbstvertrauen zu stärken. In einer 2017 durchgeführten Studie der University of Missouri und der Brigham Young University, an der fast 700 11- bis 14-Jährige teilnahmen, wurde untersucht, wie sich Teilen, Helfen und das Trösten anderer auf das Selbstvertrauen auswirkt. Die Studie ergab, dass altruistisches Verhalten das Selbstwertgefühl von Teenagern wirklich erhöhen kann. Jugendliche, die Fremden ihre Hilfe anboten, gaben bei einer Befragung ein Jahr später ein höheres Selbstwertgefühl an. In einem Bericht der National Youth Agency scheinen diese Zusammenhänge bestätigt zu werden. Darin betonten junge Menschen im Alter von 11 bis 25 Jahren wiederholt, „dass Freiwilligenarbeit ihr Selbstvertrauen, Selbstwertgefühl und und den Glauben an sie selbst erhöht habe.“ Dieser Selbstvertrauensschub stehe in engem Zusammenhang mit verbesserten Kommunikationsfähigkeiten, insbesondere unter jungen Freiwilligen die vorher nervös waren, neue Leute kennenzulernen. 3. Freiwilligenarbeit ist hilfreich für die körperliche Gesundheit... Interessanterweise bringt Freiwilligenarbeit deutliche gesundheitliche Vorteile mit sich, die nicht nur die geistige, sondern überraschenderweise auch die körperliche Gesundheit verbessern können. Tatsächlich deuten immer mehr Hinweise darauf hin, dass Menschen, die ihre Zeit Anderen widmen, von einem niedrigeren Blutdruck und einer längeren Lebensdauer profitieren könnten. Eine Studie aus dem Jahr 1999 ergab, dass „sehr aktive Helfer“ (Freiwillige, die sich bei zwei oder mehr Organisationen engagierten) eine um 63 Prozent niedrigere Sterblichkeitsrate aufwiesen als Nicht-Freiwillige. Neuere Untersuchungen (2013) der Carnegie Mellon University ergaben, dass Erwachsene über 50, die regelmäßig freiwillig arbeiteten, weniger wahrscheinlich an Bluthochdruck (Hypertonie) erkranken als Nicht-Freiwillige. Bluthochdruck ist ein bedeutender Indikator für die Gesundheit, da er zu Schlaganfällen, Herzerkrankungen und vorzeitigem Tod beiträgt. Freiwilligenarbeit verbessert die körperliche Gesundheit! © Dragon Images/Shutterstock Rodlescia Sneed, Autor der Hauptstudie, sagte, dass Freiwilligenarbeit die körperliche Aktivität unter denjenigen steigern könne, die sonst nicht besonders aktiv sind und so Stress reduzieren könnte: „Viele Menschen finden Freiwilligenarbeit hilfreich, um Stress abzubauen, und wir wissen, dass Stress sehr stark mit dem gesundheitlichen Zustand zusammenhängt.“ Wesentlich ist, dass Freiwillige diese gesundheitlichen Vorteile auch zu bemerken scheinen. Eine Studie der United Health Group und des Optum Institute mit über 3.300 Erwachsenen in den USA aus dem Jahr 2013 ergab, dass sich 76 Prozent der freiwilligen Helfer in den USA durch die Arbeit körperlich gesünder fühlen. Außerdem gaben rund 25 Prozent an, dass Freiwilligentätigkeiten von große Bedeutung bei der Bewältigung chronischer Gesundheitszustände waren. 4. …und für die geistige ebenfalls Wenn es darum geht, welche Auswirkung Freiwilligenarbeit auf die psychische Gesundheit haben kann, liegen die Vorteile auf der Hand. Sie kann Helfen, Stress, Depressionen und den Auswirkungen von Angstzuständen entgegenzuwirken. In der Tat kann der Aspekt des sozialen Miteinanders bei der freiwilligen Aktivität für andere einen tiefgreifenden Einfluss auf dein gesamtes psychologisches Wohlbefinden haben. Freiwilligenarbeit bringt dich in regelmäßigen Kontakt mit anderen und hilft dir dabei, ein stabiles Netz von Unterstützung zu entwickeln, welches wiederum gegen Einsamkeit und Depression hilft. Freiwilligenarbeit mit Tieren hat ebenfalls gezeigt, dass diese die Stimmung verbessert und Angst und Stress reduziert. Der soziale Aspekt der Freiwilligenarbeit sorgt für eine verbesserte mentale Gesundheit © Rawpixel/Shutterstock Freiwilligenarbeit fördert auch einfach deshalb die psychische Gesundheit, weil sie dich glücklich macht – auch bekannt als das „Helfer-High“. Menschen sind mental fest darauf gepolt, anderen zu geben. Durch die Messung der Gehirnaktivität und der Ausschüttung von Glückshormonen haben Forscher herausgefunden, dass die Hilfe für andere große Freude bereiten kann. Eine Studie der London School of Economics aus dem Jahr 2008 untersuchte den Zusammenhang zwischen Freiwilligentätigkeit und Glück bei einer großen Gruppe amerikanischer Erwachsener. Die Forscher stellten fest, dass ein größeres Engagement zu größerem Glück führte. Im Vergleich zu Menschen, die sich nie freiwillig engagierten, stieg die Wahrscheinlichkeit, „sehr glücklich“ zu sein, bei denjenigen, die jeden Monat einer Freiwilligentätigkeit nachgingen, um sieben Prozent. Bei denjenigen, die sich alle zwei bis vier Wochen freiwillig engagierten stieg sie sogar um 12 Prozent. 5. Freiwilligenarbeit hilft bei der Sinnsuche Da Freiwilligenarbeit bedeutet, dass man sich für Arbeit ohne finanzielle Entschädigung entscheidet, widmen die Menschen ihre freiwillige Arbeit häufig Themen und Organisationen, die sie für wichtig halten oder mit denen sie sich besonders identifizieren können. Wenn du zum Beispiel ein großer Tierfreund bist, meldest du dich vielleicht freiwillig bei einem Tierheim. Oder du lebst mit einer Krankheit oder hast dich von einer Krankheit erholt und möchtest nun einen Teil deiner freien Zeit einer Wohltätigkeitsorganisation widmen, die anderen Menschen mit derselben Krankheit hilft. Diese Art der Freiwilligenarbeit hilft dabei, ein soziales Problem anzugehen, das für dich von Bedeutung ist. Zusätzlich hilft sie dabei, sinnerfüllt zu handeln und fördert damit auch dein eigenes Glück. „Wenn es darum geht, welche Auswirkung Freiwilligenarbeit auf die psychische Gesundheit haben kann, liegen die Vorteile auf der Hand. Sie kann Helfen, Stress, Depressionen und den Auswirkungen von Angstzuständen entgegenzuwirken.“ Freiwilligenarbeit kann in jedem Alter dabei helfen, einen Sinn zu finden. Häufig ist dies vor allem bei älteren Menschen der Fall - bei Personen, die in Rente gegangen sind oder möglicherweise ihren Partner oder ihre Freunde verloren haben. Aber unabhängig von deinem Lebensalter kann Freiwilligenarbeit eine hilfreiche Technik sein, um deinem Leben eine neue Bedeutung und Richtung zu geben. 6. Freiwilligenarbeit lässt dich deine eigenen Probleme vergessen Ein weiterer Vorteil der Freiwilligentätigkeit besteht darin, dass wir durch die Fokussierung auf andere ein tieferes Verständnis für Perspektive gewinnen. So können wir uns von unseren negativen Gedanken lösen und ständiges Grübeln beenden. Freiwilligenarbeit beinhaltet oft die Hilfe für Bedürftige und kann hilfreich sein, um uns zu zeigen, dass unser eigenes Leben nicht so schlecht ist, wie wir es uns vorgestellt haben. 7. Freiwilliges Engagement bietet Karrierechancen In einem zunehmend wettbewerbsintensiven Arbeitsmarkt kann die Erfahrung in der Freiwilligenarbeit unglaublich nützlich sein. Es zeigt potenziellen Arbeitgebern, dass du Initiative ergreifen kannst und bereit bist, dir Zeit zu nehmen um anderen zu helfen. Freiwilligenarbeit bietet dir außerdem die Möglichkeit, Fähigkeiten zu üben, die du später am Arbeitsplatz gut gebrauchen kannst. Kommunikation, Teamarbeit, Problemlösung, Planung und Organisation sind Schlüsselqualifikationen, die dir bei einem Vorstellungsgespräch echte Vorteile bringen können. Freiwilliges Engagement verbessert deine Jobchancen © Monkey Business Images/Shutterstock Auch wenn du gerade erst deinen Abschluss gemacht hast oder nach deinem ersten Job suchst, kann Freiwilligenarbeit eine relativ einfache Möglichkeit sein, einen Fuß in die Tür des Unternehmens zu bekommen, mit dem du gerne zusammenarbeiten würdest. Auch wenn es keine unmittelbaren Chancen auf eine spätere Anstellung gibt, kannst du doch durch freiwilliges Engagement Kontakte für die Zukunft knüpfen. Verwandtes Thema: Sechs Schritte zu wahrem Glück im Job Falls du bereits einen Job hast, aber über einen Richtungswechsel nachdenkst, kann dir freiwilliges Engagement die Möglichkeit bieten, verschiedene Karrierewege auszuprobieren, ohne dich langfristig engagieren zu müssen. Insbesondere wenn du dir nicht sicher bist, wohin du als Nächstes möchtest, ist Freiwilligenarbeit eine tolle Möglichkeit. Fazit: Die Bedeutung der Freiwilligenarbeit Klar ist, dass die Vorteile der Freiwilligenarbeit enorm sind – sie verbessert die geistige und körperliche Gesundheit, man findet neue Freunde und vermeidet Einsamkeit, findet Sinn und tieferes Selbstvertrauen. All diese Dinge tragen wiederum dazu bei, dein allgemeines Glück zu steigern. Wenn du Freiwilligenarbeit in Betracht ziehst, solltest du dir vorher einige Fragen stellen. Überlege dir zunächst, wofür du brennst – diese Art von Arbeit wirst du mit größerer Wahrscheinlichkeit genießen und dich für sie engagieren. Suchst du eine regelmäßige Beschäftigung oder bevorzugst du ein einmaliges Projekt? Welche Fähigkeiten bringst du mit und was kannst du dir erhoffen, wenn du dich freiwillig meldest? Viel Glück, wenn du schließlich den Sprung wagst und stell sicher, dass du Spaß dabei hast! Freiwilligenarbeit ist wichtig – die Vorteile liegen auf der Hand – aber es ist auch wichtig, Spaß dabei zu haben! ● Main image: Rawpixel/Shutterstock Hast du dich jemals freiwillig engagierst oder tust du es derzeit? Was sind für dich die Vorteile? Was hat dir am besten gefallen? Die happiness.com Community würde sich über deine Geschichte freuen... Written by Calvin Holbrook Calvin kümmert sich um das englische happiness Magazin und liebt Schwimmen, Yoga, Tanzen und alle Vintage-Dinge. Hier erfährst du mehr.

The ancient technique of tummo breathing and meditation has been practised for decades by Tibetan monks in order to raise their body temperature. But could its benefits also extend to help stress-related conditions? Dee Marques finds out. Most of us have struggled with anxiety or fear during our lives in one way or another. If you’re part of the happiness community, you’re probably already familiar with some common tools and techniques that can help reduce stress and worry. In previous blog posts, we’ve covered breathing and meditation techniques like Tonglen or Kundalini. Now it's time to dive deep into another helpful method to feel centred and calm: tummo breathing and meditation. Tummo breathing: the studies Let’s start with a little background. Tummo, which is sometimes called Chandali yoga, is a Tibetan meditation technique that relies on a mix of breathing and visualization exercises. This ancient practice is mentioned in sacred texts dating back to the 8th century, where the word “tummo” means “heat”. RELATED: Visualization Meditation – How to Practise It The fact that tummo originated in Tibet isn’t a coincidence. Due to its high altitude, temperatures in the Tibetan plateau often drop below zero. You probably know how difficult it is to focus and relax when you feel cold, and this is something that Tibetan Buddhist monks had to deal with. The practice of tummo breathing and meditation emerged in response to this challenge, as its main purpose is to awaken the body’s inner fire. As someone who is affected by low temperatures, I was intrigued about tummo breathing. After all, if we’re able to control body temperature, we’re also able to control other biological processes that interfere with our inner peace. But is it really possible to do this? Tummo breathing originates from Tibetan monks Well, according to science, yes: various studies confirm how tummo is able to do exactly what it claims. One in particular was conducted by researchers from Harvard University who had met the Dalai Lama during his visit to the United States. Throughout the 1980s, these researchers visited remote Buddhist monasteries in Tibet and northern India. Incredibly, they found that monks who practised tummo breathing could raise the temperature of their skin – by up to seven degrees. This feat is even more astonishing when we consider the conditions under which these monks meditated. According to the study authors, they only wore basic woollen robes and slept outdoors directly on rocks, with no mattress or insulation other than their clothes. Overnight, temperatures dropped to up to -17C and the monks slept without so much as a shiver – thanks to tummo meditation and breathing. Another study went even further by wrapping freezing-cold and wet sheets around the monks’ shoulders while they meditated with tummo. The results were the same: not even a shiver. Later on, magnetic resonance studies found that during meditation, the monks had an unusual blood flow in the brain area and they hypothesized that this allowed the brain to take over body functions like temperature and metabolism. RELATED: Uncovering the Healing Power of the Breath These findings point at the many uses of tummo breathing, even if we’re not Tibetan monks. One of the leading researchers in the studies stated that tummo meditation can deepen the connection between mind and body, and give us better tools to treat stress-related conditions, including high blood pressure, depression, insomnia and anxiety. “Monks who practised tummo breathing could raise the temperature of their skin – by up to seven degrees.” So, tummo is worth a try even if you've already practised other types of meditation, since it’s one more way to expand your range of stress-reducing tools. The more tools you have, the better equipped you’ll be to protect your well-being. The benefits of tummo breathing Being able to raise or maintain a reasonable body temperature is an interesting perk, but this is far from the main benefit or purpose of tummo breathing. In fact, tummo can give us a deeper appreciation of the mind-body connection and of how powerful our thoughts can be. This practice can bring similar benefits involved in other breathing techniques, including a healthier stress response that benefits the immune system. Moreover, deep breathing can tone up the vagus nerve, which is responsible for controlling the correct functioning of several organs. RELATED: Conscious Breathing: What Is It and How Do We Benefit From It? And, if done regularly or in combination with other controlled breathing techniques, such as diaphragmatic breathing, tummo breathing can bring all the above benefits plus core stability, increased tolerance for high-intensity exercise, and a reduced risk of muscle injury. How to practise tummo breathing The basic idea is to tap into your internal energy through a series of breathing exercises and visualizations so that “psychic” heat becomes “actual” heat. Suggested posture for tummo breathing and meditation To start with, sit in a comfortable position. Before you start this session, exhale forcefully to clear any stagnant energy from the lungs. Then follow these steps: Bring your hands together in front of you and rub them energetically. When your hands are warm, place your left hand on your navel, and the right hand over it. Keep your hands in this position for the entire session. Start the first tummo breathing sequence: inhale deeply while pulling your shoulders back and letting the rib cage expand. Exhale loudly bringing your shoulders forward. Repeat the inhale-exhale sequence 3 or 4 times. Now switch to gentle breathing for a few seconds. Start the second sequence by inhaling deeply. Hold your breath for a couple of seconds and keep your shoulders square. Exhale, let your shoulders relax, and push your abdomen out. Repeat the inhale-exhale sequence 2 or 3 times. Switch to gentle breathing for a few seconds. Repeat the first sequence 5 times. Before you exhale for the last time, hold your breath for 2 seconds, then exhale slowly. There’s a second version of tummo breathing where instead of pushing the abdomen out, you let it go back to its natural position. You can see a demonstration in this YouTube video, from minute 18:00 onward. The first part of the video demonstrates the exercise described above. “Tummo breathing can give us better tools to treat stress-related conditions, including high blood pressure, depression, insomnia and anxiety.” In Tibetan Buddhism, tummo breathing is accompanied by visualization exercises to further raise the body’s temperature. The main technique involves concentrating on images of flames or fire and associated them to key parts of the body. For example: Visualize the area surrounding the second chakra – a couple of fingers beneath the belly button – being fuelled by a fast-burning fire. Visualize the spinal cord as if it was made up of flames which rise up your body from the navel to the crown of the head. Visualize your hands and feet as if they were the sun, and focus on their radiating and warming effect. The Takeaway: Tummo breathing Tummo breathing and meditation is an ancient technique that can help establish a deeper connection between mind and body. Even if you’re not able to raise your body temperature like a Tibetan monk, tummo can be an interesting addition to your arsenal of meditation and relaxation techniques. • Images: shutterstock/Dmitry Kalinovsky, shutterstock/kei907 Have you tried tummo breathing techniques? Let us know how it worked for you in the comments! happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practice, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine ■ share and support in our happiness forum ■ develop with free online Academy courses Enlightenment | Meditation | Stress management Written by Dee Marques A social sciences graduate with a keen interest in languages, communication, and personal development strategies. Dee loves exercising, being out in nature, and discovering warm and sunny places where she can escape the winter.

Enjoying a siesta was once thought of as a sign of laziness. But, as Dee Marques explains, the science-backed benefits of cat naps are potent – from reduced blood pressure to improved memory and concentration. Here are five reasons why it's great to get some extra shut-eye... Cat nap, siesta, power nap, micro-sleep… whatever we call it, taking a short nap during the day has been part of many cultures for thousands of years. And yet it seems that this habit is becoming less popular as time goes by, even in cultures that traditionally embraced it. This may be due to misconceptions about what a cat nap is and what it can really do for us. We’ve become used to thinking that we need to be doing something every minute of the waking day in order to feel productive. There’s also some negative connotation to the idea of sleeping during the day, as if it was indicative of laziness. I was under this impression myself for many years, resorting to a strong cup of coffee after lunch to keep me going. Then I got in touch with my Mediterranean origins and realized that taking a short cat nap can be much more beneficial than relying on a shot or two of caffeine! Super siesta: the benefits of cat napping are real Indeed, now I see a cat napping as a way of prioritizing my health and recouping energy to carry on with my day. Since the start of the COVID pandemic, self-care is more important than ever. Many people are feeling low in energy, mentally exhausted, and struggling with depression and anxiety, so taking a cat nap can be a precious break from bad news and stress. And, post-pandemic, if you’re now currently working from home, you may have the best opportunity to try a cat nap and feel its benefits. But first, let’s clear up some misunderstandings surrounding cat naps. So, what exactly is a cat nap? A cat nap or siesta is a short period of sleep that takes place during the day. But how short exactly? That’s a tricky question to answer, and the truth is that there isn’t a single valid answer. Before we get into that, it’s important to mention that duration matters: if a cat nap is too short, it won’t make any difference, and if it’s too long, it can be counterproductive and make you feel tired, or interfere with night-time sleep. RELATED: How to Do Yoga Nidra For Sleep: 4 Steps and Script For an adult, a cat nap should ideally last between 10 and 20 minutes. Younger adults (in their 20s) can nap for longer without feeling groggy afterwards, and, in general, the older you get, the shorter the cat naps you’ll need. But will just a few minutes really make a difference to how you feel? Well, a 2017 study compared naps lasting anything from 5 to 30 minutes and assessed alertness levels upon waking up. Naps lasting 10 minutes were the most beneficial because they were short (or long) enough to get into Stage 2 sleep, where the body is at rest but doesn’t get into deep sleep, from which it would be harder to wake up. “One study found that cat napping once or twice a week gave the benefit of lowering the risk of stroke, heart failure and heart attack by 48 per cent.” The time at which you have a cat nap is also important. Our bodies have a stronger biological need to take a rest between 1 p.m. and 3 p.m. This midday sleepiness is built into our biological clocks. The circadian rhythms cause the body’s energy levels to dip in the mid-afternoon along with a surge in adenosine, one of the compounds that control the sleep-wake cycle. Not only that, but taking a cat nap later than 3 p.m. can make it hard to fall asleep when you go to bed at night. So, what’s the latest you should take a siesta? That depends on your schedule, but ideally plan to wake up from a nap at least 3 – 4 hours before your usual bedtime, or half-way between waking and sleeping. MORE LIKE THIS: Can't sleep? 14 fixes to get a good night's rest Deep sleep meditation – the benefits you can take to bed Feel stress-free fast – 11 science-backed techniques And while we’re at it, do cats have anything to do with all this? Actually, they do. If you’re a kitty lover, you’ll probably know that felines love their siestas. On an average day, a cat can sleep for 15 hours through a mix of nightly rest and daytime naps. The expression 'cat nap' itself seems to have been in use since the early 19th century. Five benefits of cat napping Taking a cat nap at the right time of the day and for the right duration can benefit your physical and mental health. Here are five examples: 1. Lower blood pressure A study of 212 adults carried out in Greece found a correlation between napping and systolic blood pressure drops, an average of 3mm Hg for each hour of sleep. According to the authors of the study, these drops in blood pressure are similar to the reductions seen in people that make healthy lifestyle changes or use some medications. These results are interesting because a drop in blood pressure by as little as 2mmHg can reduce the risk of cardiovascular events by up to 10 per cent. 2. A lower risk of heart disease Keeping blood pressure within a normal range lowers the risk of developing heart disease. One study found that cat napping once or twice a week gave the benefit of lowering the risk of stroke, heart failure and heart attack by 48 per cent. Interestingly, these benefits were no longer visible for those who napped more often – six or seven times a week. However, the duration of the cat nap did not seem to make a difference. The five-year study enrolled almost 3,500 people who had no history of cardiovascular disease. Cat naps can reduce blood pressure shutterstock/George Rudy 3. Better concentration It may seem contradictory, but we need to sleep to feel more awake. Napping gives your brain the ability to recoup energy and keep its cognitive skills sharp. Research has been done in professions where alertness and concentration are crucial (like airplane pilots), and the findings show that naps can reduce fatigue and increase focus. 4. Improved memory Researchers from Saarland University in Germany compared nappers and non-nappers and found that those who cat napped did five times better in memory tests. They hypothesised that naps impact the hippocampus, the part of the brain responsible for long-term memory. 5. Better control over emotions Researchers have found that an afternoon cat nap can improve emotional regulation and make us more resilient to negative emotions. For example, a 2015 study found that people who napped had more tolerance to frustration, and concluded that a midday rest is an efficient way of countering a build-up of alertness that can put us on edge. Tips to help you cat nap For a cat nap to work and have a beneficial impact on health, it’s important to get it right. Here are some suggestions that can help: Find a quiet place It’s hard for the body and brain to unwind enough to fall asleep in noisy environments. If you can’t block out all noise, play some relaxing sounds (like rain sounds or white noise) for the duration of the nap. Keep it dark Exposure to light keeps us awake, so draw the curtains, lower the blinds, turn the lights off, or use an eye mask. Set an alarm Once you’re comfy in bed or the sofa, it may be hard to get up. Set an alarm to make sure you don’t overdo the cat nap. Learn to 'shut off' Taking a cat nap isn’t an excuse to go over worries or things you need to do next. If you find it hard to shut off, it may be useful to do a short relaxation or meditation exercise before your scheduled nap time. Be consistent Like all habits, napping is something that needs to be worked on for a while until the body gets used to it. Schedule naps in your day and stick to the schedule. If you wait until the time is right, naps may never happen! Takeaway: cat naps can be good for you Taking a short siesta or cat nap isn’t a sign of laziness. If anything, it can be a great investment in your health and help you face the rest of the day with higher energy levels and a better mood. So, if you are lucky enough to be able to squeeze a cat nap into your daily routine, do it! • Main image: shutterstock/Kosim Shukurov happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum Healthy habits | Better sleep | Stress management Written by Dee Marques A social sciences graduate with a keen interest in languages, communication, and personal development strategies. Dee loves exercising, being out in nature, and discovering warm and sunny places where she can escape the winter.

Who exactly is Tara Brach? Ed Gould takes an in-depth look at the career of this respected writer, psychologist, spiritual teacher and meditation and mindfulness expert. With a PhD in Clinical Psychology, Tara Brach is an American psychologist and writer, mostly associated with advocating for the role of Eastern spiritual practices in Western contexts. She grew as a Unitarian and lives in Virginia with her husband, a teacher of meditation and yoga. Tara Brach helped found the Insight Meditation Community in Washington DC in 1998. This spiritual community teaches and practices insight (or Vipassana, as referred to by Buddhists). Her teaching focuses on drawing attention to the mindful attention to the inner life of people, as well as developing a full and compassionate engagement with the world. Tara Brach: meditation and teaching A spiritual teacher who travels all over America, Tara teaches online, in written form, and also in person. She has visited Europe to discuss her views on meditation and Eastern spirituality in psychology. Her teaching focuses on the application of what are essentially Buddhist teachings to bring about healing at an emotional level. Her first published work, Radical Acceptance, dealt with how practices such as mindfulness can be effective in healing trauma. Other written teachings offer similar suggestions, such as how tapping into inner peace and wisdom can help people who are going through psychological difficulties and stressful situations. “Imperfection is not our personal problem: it's a natural part of existing.” Tara Brach, from her book Radical Acceptance In person, Tara Brach is well-versed as a presenter. In addition, she teaches classes, provides workshops and leads silent meditations. Brach is also well-known as a teacher of mindfulness and meditation on the internet. She even produces a regular podcast which is so popular it's downloaded around one million times every month! Education and background Tara Brach gained her qualification in psychology from the Fielding Institute. Her dissertation centred on a ground-breaking analysis of the effectiveness of meditation in the healing of certain eating disorders. As an undergraduate, she received a double major in psychology and political science from Clark University. Tara Brach travels globally teaching on meditation and mindfulness © Facebook/Tara Brach It was at this time in her life that Brach began attending yoga classes, something which led to an interest in exploring Eastern approaches regarding inner transformation. After graduation, she chose to spend a decade in an ashram (a spiritual hermitage) where she developed techniques in concentrative meditation. Later, she attended a Buddhist Insight Meditation retreat run by Joseph Goldstein. During this part of her life, Brach trained her mind in unconditional and loving presence. “I knew this was a path of true freedom,” she says. Brach bases many of her past teachings around the processional development in her life. It's from her direct personal experiences with the role of Eastern spirituality in her own life, as well as her academic understanding of clinical psychology, that has led to her particular vision for blending Buddhist ideas with psychological ones. Written works Among the many notable works of Tara Brach is her book, Radical Self-Acceptance: A Buddhist Guide to Freeing Yourself from Shame. The book looks into how crippling self-judgements and inner conflicts can lead to futile perfectionism, loneliness and an over-reliance on self-worth based on work. In it, Brach offers interpretations of Buddhist tales and meditations to show how to overcome such judgements by a radical acceptance of one's self. “Tara Brach is well-known as a teacher of mindfulness and meditation on the internet. She even produces a regular podcast.” Another title worth seeking out is True Refuge: Finding Peace and Freedom in Your Own Awakened Heart. It deals with subject matter such as obsessive behaviour, life-changing illness and relationship breakdown. Brach has also produced a free guide to meditation which is available in several languages. This easy-to-read guide provides entry-level advice for establishing a meditative regime. It deals with hindrances to meditation and guidance on how to sustain meditation as a practice (we have some ideas of our own; check out Five strategies to help you develop a meditation practice). Online resources for Tara Brach As mentioned, many of Brach's teachings and ideas in psychology are accessible via the net, much of it for free. Although she frequently teaches in person, for many people it's the online world which has brought her vision of a blend Western psychology and Eastern spiritual teachings to the fore. You can find several online courses on mindfulness, which she developed with Jack Kornfield, at Soundtrue. We've already tried Mindfulness Daily – an app which provides daily lessons and shot meditations. Tara Brach bases many of her teachings around her life development © tarabrach.com Brach's audio podcasts, which include led meditations, can be opened in iTunes for free. Another place to listen to her talks and other audio freely is via her website which includes an integrated audio player. The archive goes back several years, so there's plenty to hear and learn from. Some of Brach's past talks are also available on video. They offer many insights into matters such as awakening consciousness, seeking internal and external truths and spiritual empowerment. While addressing from a lectern, Brach's style is engaging and often compelling while never becoming overly technical in either psychological or spiritual terminology. Her website hosts a number of these videos. She also has her own YouTube channel which includes a fascinating free-to-watch playlist named 'Finding True Refuge'. .embed-container { position: relative; padding-bottom: 56.25%; height: 0; overflow: hidden; max-width: 100%; } .embed-container iframe, .embed-container object, .embed-container embed { position: absolute; top: 0; left: 0; width: 100%; height: 100%; } Tara Brach: meditation talks and events As a practising psychotherapist and meditation teacher, some of Brach's talks and training sessions are for professionals only. For example, some of her groundbreaking work in showing how psychotherapists can integrate mindfulness strategies into their clinical work is conducted in academic institutions in the United States only. However, public events are online. Other than Brach's frequent work with Vipassana meditation instruction, occasional retreat teaching sessions are listed on her website. She also maintains regular updates of her Facebook page which details upcoming talks and public events. ● Written by Ed Gould Ed Gould is a UK-based journalist and freelance writer. He's also a practitioner of Reiki.

Panic attacks can be both terrifying and debilitating says Calvin Holbrook, but there are ways of dealing with them. If you’re having regular episodes of intense anxiety, learn how to stop panic attacks fast. Ever since I had my first panic attack, I’ve been learning about what to do when they happen to try and stop them and how best to reduce my chances of further attacks. I've had a few years of experience now and managed to develop techniques to cope with panic attacks when they inadvertently show up (which is exactly how they usually like to show up!). In fact, since making certain lifestyle changes, I've definitely noticed a decrease in the amount I've been having. I've put together 12 science-backed tips to follow for which can help stop or reduce the severity of a panic attack, plus some ideas on how to reduce your chances of having more anxiety issues in the future. How to stop a panic attack: 12 techniques 1. Accept the panic attack Firstly, learn to accept that you're having feelings of anxiety and that it may develop into a full-on panic attack. Don’t try to ignore the feelings or fight them: the more your resist panic, the worse it can get. Tell yourself that you're having feelings of panic, that you’ve been through this before, and that you'll be fine once this intense episode of anxiety stops – which it will. Face your fears: when panic hits, accept it 2. Try not to make a run for it Often during a panic attack you’ll feel the sensation to sprint away from wherever you are and get home as quickly as possible to your safe space. It’s easier said than done, but try to ride out the panic attack and simply move to a quieter place close-by. For example, if you're in a busy shopping street, head off to a side street or green space with less people around. If you run away from a panic attack, it's controlling you, and can even wire your brain to make you fearful of having future attacks when you visit the same location in the future. Don't move: embracing your panic attack can actually help 3. Breathe deeply from your stomach This is one of the most effective ways to stop or reduce panic attack symptoms. If done correctly, deep breathing can alleviate those horrible physical symptoms such as tingling, dry mouth and dizziness. Here's how: breathe in deeply and slowly through your nose and down into your belly for seven seconds; hold for seven more, then release the air slowly through your mouth over another seven seconds, pushing it right out of your tummy. Deep breathing exercises like this help balance out the low level of carbon dioxide in the blood that happens during hyperventilation (causing many of the physical symptoms of the panic attack). Getting this step down is key to stopping a panic attack while you're in the middle of it. Deeply important: breathe right down into your abdomen 4. Practise mindfulness When I had a recent attack, I noticed a very small, green caterpillar crawling between my legs while I was curled over some steps, with my head between my legs. It sounds funny, but focusing on that little fella really helped me out in my moment of need! “Deep breathing is one of the most effective ways to stop or reduce panic attack symptoms.” Indeed, while you're continuing the deep breathing exercises, try to put your vision and other senses into use and focus on what’s going on around you. Maybe look up at the sky and watch the clouds passing, focus on people going by, or just be aware of the smells and sounds where you are. Mindfulness can take your mind off the panic. RELATED: 7 mindfulness tips for staying engaged 5. Listen to soothing music Calming music can often help, so make sure you have some on your phone, music player or laptop if you're used to having panic attacks. The musician Moby has lived with panic attacks for many years and created two ambient albums specifically in mind to help create a sense of calm and tranquility. Stream or download them for free to your phone or computer. Listening to this has helped calm or stop my panic attacks many a time. Sound advice: calming music can reduce panic symptoms 6. Repeat! Sometimes you’ll start to feel better quickly during a panic attack but then be hit but another wave of panic later. If that’s the case, keep repeating the exercises above until the attack stops. After some time, you'll return to your regular state. Panic attacks: how to reduce them While panic attacks really suck, the more you have, the easier it becomes to spot the symptoms of one developing. In turn, this makes it easier to be able to deal with it on the spot. Panic and anxiety develop for a variety of reasons – depending on your individual circumstances – but science and studies show that there are specific triggers that can lead to attacks. With that in mind, consider the following ways you could potentially reduce your panic attacks: 7. Stop – or reduce – drinking coffee... Drinking coffee is like throwing petrol on your anxiety and watching it go up in flames. Numerous studies back this up. Eliminate or cut down the amount you consume: don’t forget that caffeine is also found in tea, caffeinated soft drinks and chocolate, etc, so watch those, too. RELATED: How to help someone having a panic attack Furthermore, the American Psychiatric Association also recognizes caffeine intoxication as a diagnosable condition, along with caffeine-induced anxiety and sleep disorder. Giving up can be hard; reducing your intake gradually can help the caffeine fiends among you. Personally, I limit myself to one cup a day, two if I'm feeling naughty (or sleepy). Consider swapping for a calming chamomile which can reduce anxiety and also fight depression. Cut coffee: it's a key cause of panic 8. …and also alcohol Science shows there’s also a strong link between alcohol and anxiety. Abuse of alcohol can also lead to an anxiety disorder or attack. Sometime it’s a vicious circle that needs to be tackled: if you’re dealing with your anxiety by numbing it with alcohol, that isn’t going to help in the long-run. For me, if I drank a lot in one evening, I'd often have a panic attack the next morning, especially if I hadn't eaten much. Which leads us nicely to... You booze, you lose: cutting alcohol can stop panic attacks 9. Low levels of blood sugar The body releases the hormone adrenaline when blood-sugar levels fall lower than normal. This helps raise blood sugar levels back up, but can also induce the effects of anxiety. That’s why it’s important to keep blood sugar levels stable. Eat regular meals and keep healthy snacks at hand, such as fruit and raw nuts, to munch between meals. A diet which is based around good mood foods that give a sustained release of energy into the bloodstream, such as fish, brown rice and wholemeal bread, can also help. “Drinking coffee is like throwing petrol on your anxiety and watching it go up in flames. Stop consuming it to help stop panic attacks.” 10. Stay away from recreational drugs Of course, drugs such as cocaine or speed (amphetamines) can produce a euphoric high in the short-term, but when the come down hits or you've taken too much, panic attacks can come thick and fast. Needless to say, studies have shown that recreational drugs, especially amphetamines, can lead to panic attacks and other anxiety disorders. If you take any kind of recreational drugs, know the risks. Panic party: if you add drugs into the mix, anxiety could follow 11) Reduce your stress levels Stress and worry is all too commonplace in the modern world, but there are things we can do to tackle this. If you’re ruminating – thinking too much about the past or the future – worried, or frazzled from your job, take steps to relax. Firstly, some kind of exercise is essential and the benefits of it regarding anxiety and depression are proven. According to some studies, regular exercise can work as well as medication to reduce symptoms of anxiety and depression. Try to fit some swimming, running or yoga into your routine and you should notice the benefits. Great lengths: swimming can lower stress and anxiety 12) Speak with your GP Finally, coping with panic attacks isn't always easy and it's important you go to your GP/doctor and let them know about the issues you're facing. First of all, they should be able to confirm that your physical symptoms are anxiety-based and nothing more serious (this can help put your mind to rest, especially if you're worried that you have a heart problem, for example). Furthermore, as well as improving your lifestyle, your GP can also help you deal with panic attacks by possibly prescribing anti-anxiety medication to keep you calm, and by referring you for talking therapies such as cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). A mixture of all three is a powerful way of tackling anxiety and stopping panic attacks head on. ● Are you living with panic attacks or anxiety? What methods help you to deal with it best? Share your thoughts with the happiness.com community below or in our forum... Written by Calvin Holbrook Calvin edits our magazine and is a lover of swimming, yoga, dancing to house/techno, and all things vintage. Find out more.

Is it possible to look at challenges and failures as the foundation to personal growth and excellence? Sonia Vadlamani explains why it’s OK to fail sometimes and how to claim back power when you’re feeling defeated by life. Although there are few certainties in this existence, unfortunately we do know this: life can defeat us sometimes. No matter how meticulously we plan things or try to predict every outcome, the possibility of failures and disappointment in life cannot be entirely ruled out. Indeed, all of us find ourselves feeling defeated by life at some point. You may flunk an important exam or interview, a fight may ensue with a best friend who misunderstood your well-intended remark, or your boss may pass up what seemed like a brilliant idea in favour of a seemingly ridiculous suggestion by your colleague. Life is called the school of hard knocks for a reason, after all. I know this from experience. I found myself at the end of my wits during my college years, when I realized the complexity of engineering, which my parents had pressurized me to pursue. No matter how hard I tried, the concepts seemed to elude my grasp and it looked like I’d have to repeat a year. For someone who belongs to a family of academics, being an under-performer was a subject of great humiliation and embarrassment for me and my parents, not to mention the high cost of education itself. Feeling defeated? Break free from the shackles of fear Although I did have to take a re-exam for three subjects, it was actually this setback that helped me realize one of the greatest life lessons of my life. That we are not defined by our failures and defeats, but how we spring back, and the experiences we gather from these setbacks. Consequently, this realization enabled me to excel in my academic subjects as I tried harder and broadened my understanding of the subjects. The result? I passed the final grade with scholastic distinction. RELATED: Sailing the world – 5 lessons I've learned “If you want light to come into your life, you need to stand where it is shining,” stated Guy Finley, the renowned philosopher and self-help writer. Indeed, if we give up without trying to push beyond our embarrassments or fear of failure, we’d never know what lies outside of our comfort zone and what we could truly achieve. When you’re feeling defeated it is essential to prevail and resume your power. Feeling defeated: 9 ways to take back power Although this may seem unimaginable when you’re feeling defeated, it is possible to overcome this terrible feeling and to reclaim your power. So, how to deal with disappointment and move forward? While some of the following ideas may offer instant results in terms of elevated mood and alleviated stress levels, the others require more consistent efforts over a longer duration of time. So, here are nine ways you can take back power and move forward when you are feeling defeated. 1. Acceptance: allow yourself to feel It’s important to lean into your feelings periodically and acknowledge to yourself that you are an ‘emotional creature’. In fact, being aware of your thoughts and labelling your emotions can improve your ability to manage negative emotional experiences, according to a 2007 study by Lieberman et al. Indeed, a proven way to improve your emotional wellness – especially when you’re feeling defeated – is to accept these feelings instead of suppressing or avoiding them, and consciously channel them in a productive and beneficial manner, thus developing emotional agility. Being emotionally agile implies one’s ability to sit with their feelings and thoughts, be they positive (for example, joy, hope, serenity) or negative (fear, anger, sadness). It means accepting feelings in a compassionate manner, without getting derailed or overwhelmed by them. A study by Frank Bond from the Goldsmiths University London revealed that emotional agility can help ease stress, improve accuracy and boost innovation and creativity in individuals. 2. Self-compassion: imagine what you’d say to a friend Most of us readily extend kindness and warmth to others in their times of hardship yet fail to do the same with ourselves when we’re feeling defeated. According to Dr Kristin Neff, the psychologist who first created a scale to measure self-compassion as a construct, humans often mistakenly assume that compassion towards self induces weakness and has an adverse impact on our goals and productivity. “A proven way to improve your emotional wellness – especially when you’re feeling defeated – is to accept these feelings instead of suppressing them.” Dr Neff recommends practising self-compassion by treating oneself as they’d treat a friend. Positive self-talk plays an important role, especially during adverse situations. So, instead of saying “I’m so lame!” or “What an idiot I’ve made of myself” during a setback, instead, practise saying, “I’m so glad I tried my hand at something new” or, I’m proud of myself for doing this wholeheartedly”. 3. Stop catastrophizing Do you often find yourself jumping to wrong conclusions or blaming yourself for something when you really weren’t at fault? As sentient beings we always try to make sense of events around us, but sometimes our brains devise ‘shortcuts’ and create interpretations which are not entirely precise. This tendency to catastrophize or assume the worst in an unpleasant situation is a result of cognitive distortion pattern known as magnification, wherein our brains blow one disturbing event out of proportion, giving rise to unfavorable conditions like depression and anxiety. RELATED: Feeling blue or clinically depressed? The 4 things you should look out for Luckily, it’s possible to avoid this unhelpful thinking style and opt for more balanced ways of evaluating a situation. Instead of obsessing about what happened and what may further go wrong, take stock of the situation by consciously restructuring your thought patterns. Practising mindfulness can help you reframe your thoughts based on factual procession of events, resulting in improved decision-making. 4. Incorporate gratitude Gratitude plays an important role in improving one’s mental health, especially when you are feeling defeated by life. The simple act of listing down things you appreciate in your life in a gratitude journal can boost resilience and prevent toxic emotions, thus reducing the risk of conditions like stress and depression. What’s more, a study by Prathik Kini et al revealed that practising gratitude can have lasting effect on the brain – it can rewire it, equipping you to deal better with adversities in life. Writing a gratitude journal can boost your resilience shutterstock/Sergey Saulyak 5. Shift your mindset/change perspective When you’re feeling defeated by life, you could be misled into believing that you possess limited talents, also known as the fixed mindset. Psychologist Carol Dweck contrasted fixed mindset with growth mindset, wherein individuals believe that they can achieve their goals by honing their talents and advancing their skill set. Interestingly, those with growth or abundance mindset tend to achieve more, as they concentrate more on learning and taking action towards their goals. Developing a ‘can-do attitude’ allows you to look at obstacles as steppingstones or necessary doses of personal growth instead of failures. 6. Understand the power of ‘small wins’ It’s understandable that you may want to get back up on your feet and set out to chase lofty goals when you’re feeling defeated. Instead, it would be wiser to set small, incremental goals to ensure you achieve them without getting overwhelmed or frustrated. A study published by Harvard Business Review revealed that the quality of a person’s inner work life – or a mix of their emotions, perceptions, and purpose – was the most important driver of their creative pursuits and productivity. “Most of us readily extend kindness and warmth to others in their times of hardship yet fail to do the same with ourselves when we’re feeling defeated.” Start by asking yourself if you can try breaking your goals into smaller sections called ‘systems’ and further into sets of actionable daily tasks that you can track periodically. Small wins tend to activate your brain’s circuitry, and the constant motivation results in release of dopamine and testosterone, thus boosting your confidence. Indeed, you may be amazed to find that these micro-successes executed daily can lead to major breakthroughs. 7. Take regular breaks While taking time to pause when you’re working on something important may seem counterintuitive, researchers agree that taking regular breaks can improve productivity and prevent stress. A 2016 study by Kim, Park and Niu revealed that even micro-breaks or small interventions can prevent the onset of negative affective state of mind at the end of the workday. Indeed, taking small, regular breaks to chat with someone around or getting yourself a glass of water in midst of a busy day can avert the possibility of you feeling defeated in the long run. 8. Stay healthy with exercise Not only does regular exercise strengthen your heart health and keep diseases at bay, but being physically active can even bring long-lasting change for your brain and mind. Working out regularly can make you more receptive to positive feelings like joy, boost your mood and motivation levels and relieve stress. Indeed, staying healthy through regular exercise and including wholesome, gut-friendly foods in your diet can help you overcome the blues, especially when you’re feeling defeated. Working out makes you more receptive to positive feelings shutterstock/mimagephotography 9. Create your life vision A foolproof way to regain power when you’re feeling defeated by the hardships you’ve faced is to understand your purpose in life and create your life vision accordingly. Jen Sincero, a success coach and the author of bestselling Badass Habits stresses on the importance of living fearlessly by ‘aligning’ one’s actions with their deepest desires and goals. Doing this allows you to make the shift from ‘wanting’ to ‘deciding’ to change your life for the better with utmost tenacity. Takeaway: feeling defeated It’s important to understand that pain and suffering from failures in life don’t define us, and that the ability to claim back power lies within us. Directing consistent efforts towards assuming this inherent power can help you avoid the mental trap of self-blame and frustration, allowing you to grow and realize your true potential. • Main image: shutterstock/Overearth happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support in our happiness forum ■ self-develop with free online classes in our Academy Positive psychology | Life purpose | Motivation Written by Sonia Vadlamani Fitness and healthy food blogger, food photographer and stylist, travel-addict and future self journaler. Sonia loves to write and has resolved to dedicate her life to revealing how easy and important it is to be happier, stronger and fitter each day. Follow her daily pursuits at FitFoodieDiary or on Instagram.

Friendships make us happier and healthier, so research says. However, friendships that are unfulfilling or fading can have the opposite effect. Sonia Vadlamani identifies seven signs that someone doesn’t want to be your friend and offers advice on how to handle the situation. Friendships are a unique form of relationship in several ways. For starters, we enter them of our own accord, unlike family relationships. Friendships also lack the formal structures that are typically present in other relationships, like marriage and familial bonds. What’s more, research suggests that friendships form the core of one’s happiness levels and well-being. In fact, strong social relationships matter more to us as we age, which is why it’s important for us to form meaningful connections that make us happy. According to the authors of the still-ongoing Grant Study, a study which aims to monitor the happiness levels and well-being of 1,600 Harvard undergraduates through their entire lives, “the capacity to love and be loved was the single strength most clearly associated with subjective well-being at age 80.” Yet, it’s a known fact that friendships change as we grow older. In the current COVID-struck world – where most of us are picking up the social connections from their pre-pandemic lives – some may slowly realize that their friendships probably aren’t the same as they once were. On the other hand, we may have formed new connections and friendships during these difficult times. However, not all acquaintances or connections can be transformed into fulfilling, lasting friendships. Sometimes you may want to re-kindle a friendship from your distant past, hoping for a happy reunion despite spotting some warning signs that your friend doesn’t care about you. Indeed, given that we are largely social creatures, your excitement towards forging a friendship may cause you to overlook some of the signs someone doesn’t actually want to be your friend. 7 signs your friend doesn’t care about you Friendship is a two-way street, and it’s not healthy to force it upon someone who clearly isn’t interested in being buddies with you. So, if you’re concerned that a friend of yours appears disinterested in your relationship or is acting up, here are seven pointers to help you differentiate true friends from mere acquaintances. 1. They don’t really know you anymore One of the easiest signs that your friend doesn’t care about you anymore is when you feel that they don’t really know or understand you. It’s possible that with time you may have simply grown apart, and that your interests now vary. However, if your friend doesn’t make an effort to keep up with your likes and preferences, and seems indifferent to your opinions and feelings, it could signify that they don’t truly value your friendship. Not feeling included is a sign of a problem friendship shutterstock/fizkes 2. They avoid meeting or keep cancelling plans It cannot be denied that communication and consistency form the bedrock for any fulfilling and reliable friendship. Which is why a steady lack of interest in catching up or a refusal to make plans with you can be considered as signs that someone doesn’t want to be your friend. RELATED: The 8 Types of Friend We All Need We all have busy lives, but if you notice that you're continually the first one to touch base and attempt making plans with someone, or that they doesn’t seem enthusiastic about meeting you, it could be that they are no longer interested in being friends with you and are unable to talk to you about their feelings. 3. You aren’t included in their social lives One of the most obvious signs someone doesn’t want to be your friend is when they leave you out of their plans to hang out or attend an event, even when your other friends may have been invited. When confronted, they may offer a vague excuse or inadequate reasoning for why they left you out, leaving you even more puzzled each time. While this can sound like a common movie trope, it is especially hurtful and can sometimes make you question your friendship. “A steady lack of interest in catching up or a refusal to make plans with you can be considered as signs that someone doesn’t want to be your friend.” With social media becoming an integral part of our lives, a reasonable way to gauge the true state of your friendship could be to observe your friend’s social media feed. You may find that they do not post about you or tag you, even if you were attending the same event and were present in the picture they posted. RELATED: How to Deal With Disappointment: 8 Top Tips Indeed, not everyone uses social media in the same manner and to the same degree, and thus social media shunning is not a foolproof way to gauge your friendship with someone. However, excluding you repeatedly from their socializing plans and ignoring you on social media whilst they’re active on it are reliable signs your friend doesn’t really care about you. 4. They seem distant and avoidant Despite our hectic schedules and busy lives, we usually make time to catch up with the people we truly care about. After all, healthy communication and timely, mutually enriching interactions are key to sustaining friendships. One of the warning signs your friend doesn’t care about you can be their remote behaviour and tendency to be preoccupied when you’re having a conversation. Paying attention to the non-verbal cues can sometimes offer a clearer picture too. For instance, if someone is always playing with their phone or looking off into the distance rather than listening to you, they may be trying to avoid you. Indeed, if you find that your friend doesn’t pay attention to you or responds with unenthusiastic answers when you’re trying to make a conversation, it could be a sign that your relationship may have already faded. Sign of the times: using a phone over friendship 5. They always place the blame on you While it can’t be denied that every relationship can face minor stumbles at some point, good friends often work together to clear misunderstandings and overcome the obstacles that stand in their way. However, holding you responsible for everything that ever went wrong, and never acknowledging their mistakes despite clear evidence of their wrongdoing could be clear signs that person doesn’t want to be your friend any longer. MORE LIKE THIS: Are You Being Used? 12 Signs to Look Out For Friends Of Convenience 7 Signs That Hep Identify Them What is Pebbling? What Penguins Can Teach Us About Stronger Relationships 6. They’re never around in difficult times True friends prove to be reliable during hardships and support each other through thick and thin to the best of their ability. So, being too busy, citing excuses, or flaking out on you every time you need help or support is one of the unmistakable signs your friend doesn’t truly care about you. “One sign your friend doesn’t care about you is if they respond negatively to news about your success or accomplishments, or never seem excited for your growth.” This is often compounded by the fact that this fair-weather friend does often touch base with you to seek help or ask a favour but is unapproachable when you’re in dire straits. While you may often end up feeling hurt or bothered by this opportunistic behaviour, it could be seen as a clear sign someone doesn’t want to be your friend. 7. They never seem happy for you One of the definite signs your friend doesn’t care about you is if they mostly respond negatively to news about your success or accomplishments, or never seem excited for your growth. Real friendships are based on mutual admiration, support and encouragement. Evidently, the lack of support and constant negativity coming your way could be surefire signs someone doesn’t want to be your friend. What to do when you see signs someone doesn't want to be your friend Given the voluntary nature of friendship, it often gets subjected to uncertainties of life in a way that other relationships don’t. Here are some ways to deal with indications that a friendship is now drawing to a close. Resist the temptation to force a friendship Sometimes, we must just accept that a new friendship isn’t meant to blossom, or that it may be the time to end a friendship. This is especially true if the other person isn’t reciprocating your interest or has made it clear that they are not interested in socializing with you. Long-lasting friendships require mutual and deliberate efforts, and forcing a friendship despite signs your friend doesn’t care about you can possibly leave you upset and heartbroken. Try changing your perspective about rejection Social rejection may cause you to question your self-worth and may even deter your confidence. However, try changing your perspective towards rejection as daring to step out of your comfort zone and taking a worthy risk. Instead of viewing the rejection as failure and questioning your likability, embrace this as a situation where you just didn’t ‘click’ with the friend, and save your precious energy by ably interpreting the signs your friend doesn’t care about you. Focus on making new connections Instead of getting trapped in a vulnerability hangover over your rejection, practice letting go gracefully. This will allow you to focus on making more rewarding connections with like-minded individuals who are truly interested in your friendship. Takeaway: signs your friend doesn’t care about you The power of friendship is real and our buddies play an important role in our happiness and well-being, which is why we need to be mindful when touching base with friends from the past or trying to forge new friendships. Just as you can’t possibly be good friends with everyone, it can be unfair on your behalf to impose your friendship, despite signs your friend doesn’t seem to really care about you. Try practicing acceptance and consider this as an opportunity to express gratitude for the friends in your life who will always be by your side through good times and rough tides. In the meantime, keep your chin up and do not let the disappointment prevent you from finding your tribe. • Main image: shutterstock/Prostock-studio Have you ever had to end a friendship because it was clear your friend didn't care about you anymore or had lost interest? Perhaps you've had a one-sided friendship and had to make changes and now have an ex-best friend! Let us know your thoughts below and in our friendship forum. happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Join free now and: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine ■ share and support in our happiness forum Empathy | Deep listening | Loneliness | Moral Courage Written by Sonia Vadlamani Fitness and healthy food blogger, food photographer and stylist, travel-addict and future self journaler. Sonia loves to write and has resolved to dedicate her life to revealing how easy and important it is to be happier, stronger and fitter each day. Follow her daily pursuits at FitFoodieDiary or on Instagram.

There were plenty of feel-good health and environmental stories in December, but you may have missed them given all the negative news currently in the press. Ed Gould rounds up his Top Ten positive news stories from the past month to uplift and inspire. December is the traditional time for family get-togethers and merriment. Although the final month of 2020 may have been somewhat different from usual, there were many good news stories that were full of happiness, positivity and the human spirit. Read on to discover more about some of the best ones. 1. Plastic additive makes packaging biodegradable A British firm has announced that it has developed an additive that can go into new plastic products that will render them biodegradable. Polymateria has come up with a way that could end the crisis the world faces in plastics that take hundreds of years to break up. Both flexible and rigid forms of plastic can be made using the additive which, it is hoped, will do no environmental damage once disposed of. 2. Food waste targeted by tech giant With so many people around the world suffering from hunger but with global food production at an all time high, there is an undoubted problem with waste. According to some estimates, as much as a third of all groceries are thrown away by people in wealthier countries. It was reported in December that Google plans to do something about the issue by getting involved in Project Delta in the United States. The tech giant will bring its algorithmic prowess to bear in an effort to get food where it's needed when it's needed so that Americans end up throwing away less of the food they buy. At the moment, the project is focussed on commercial kitchens but it could also be advanced to help ordinary retailers and consumers. 3. Polar bears saved by court ruling A controversial offshore oil drilling project in the Arctic region has been stopped by a US federal court, according to EuroNews. The decision will safeguard the habitat and ranges of polar bears in the area, in a move that has been warmly welcomed by campaign groups. The court ruling said that the National Environmental Policy Act had not been sufficiently taken into account by the current administration when it said the offshore project could proceed. Polar bears tend to be disturbed by the noise such drilling inevitably creates. Arctic polar bears to be protected shutterstock/outdoorsman 4. Stranded truckers assisted by compassionate groups When lorry drivers were stuck in Kent, UK, unable to take cross-channel ferries to France, they were left stranded without access to basic services. However, according to local news sources, their plight was not overlooked by the local Sikh community who rallied around to deliver hot food to them. Under police supervision, the Gravesend Gurdwara delivered hundreds of free meals to the incapacitated truckers while they waited for the port to reopen. The group was assisted by Khalsa Aid, a Sikh charitable foundation. In addition, Ramsgate Football Club showed a similar level of compassion to the drivers by delivering hundreds of pizzas free of charge. 5. Mental ageing can be reversed, study suggests According to a new paper published by UC San Francisco scientists, the age-related cognitive decline that is noted in many older people need not be permanent. Indeed, SciTech Daily reported that the group had come up with a drug therapy that would mean such brain decline could be reversed. The scientists' work has focussed on a drug called ISRIB which, it was found, could restore memory function among a raft of other cognitive abilities. What's even more positive is that the drug tends to provide rapid results where brain degradation had previously been thought to be permanent. RELATED: Cognitive impairment – 5 ways to reduce the risk as you age 6. New Zealand's vaccine response includes its neighbours A report in The London Economic claimed that New Zealand had purchased enough of the anti-coronavirus vaccines to treat all of its population – as well as those of its neighbouring Pacific islands. New Zealand has a population of 5.5 million but it has bought more vaccine doses than it needs for its own citizens. This means that the Oxford University/AstraZeneca and Novavax jabs will now be issued to island states such as Tokelau, Niue, Samoa and Tuvalu. It's also thought that Tonga and the Cook Islands will benefit from the generosity of the New Zealand government. According to the country's foreign minister, the move will allow these smaller nations faster access to the vaccines as well as making the entire region safer for ordinary New Zealanders. 7. New hope for Florida's coral reefs According to the Miami Herald, the introduction of the Caribbean king crab into its coral reefs is starting to preserve them. By reducing algae growth, the corals have become healthier. The crabs have been nicknamed as reef goats because of their ability to eat everything that is unwanted and develop healthy growth. Once grown for human consumption, these crabs will now play a big part in maintaining marine biodiversity in the area. Coral reefs in Miami are becoming healthier shutterstock/Matt9122 8. Electronic devices must be tagged as repairable In a landmark move, the French government has voted for a law that will make all electronic goods manufacturers tag their products with how repairable – or otherwise – they are. The idea is that when people buy devices, they will know which ones will be repairable if something goes wrong down the line and which ones won't. In turn, it's hoped this law will encourage manufacturers to make their products longer lasting, thereby cutting down on waste and the need to constantly upgrade with newer versions of the same product. According to Times Now, it's expected that several other European Union countries will follow France's lead and introduce similar legislation. 9. Mindfulness reduces burnout among healthcare staff There can be little doubt that 2020 has been a tough year for everyone in the healthcare sector. Stress and burnout among some health professionals has been part of the problem in several countries. However, according to a report in Becker's Hospital Review, mindfulness has been deployed successfully in many healthcare settings to help caregivers. Researchers in the United States found that practising mindfulness techniques reduced burnout rates and increased engagement at work among a range of healthcare workers. Mindfulness reduces burnout in healthcare workers shutterstock/ARTFULLY PHOTOGRAPHER 10. Pygmy possum found alive and well in Australia Because of the bushfires that have engulfed Australia in recent years, it was feared that the tiny pygmy possum – the smallest species of possum – had been wiped out. Previously found in certain habitats in Tasmania and surrounding areas, the diminutive creature was thought to have become extinct by many naturalists. Indeed, The Guardian reported that almost 90 per cent of the creature's habitat had been lost to bushfires.However, a discovery on Kangaroo Island in December has raised new hopes that the species is doing better than previously thought and may make a comeback so long as it can be adequately protected. • Main image: shutterstock/LeAndr happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ develop with free online classes in our happiness Academy Positive news | Nature | Biology | Biotechnology Written by Ed Gould Ed Gould is a UK-based journalist and practitioner of Reiki.

Feeling connected to others in a world that's increasingly individualistic may seem challenging, but as Dee Marques explains, there are some simple intimacy exercises you can use to develop stronger bonds, deepen connections, and improve the quality of your relationships. There's little doubt that humans are social beings. Feeling close to others contributes to our overall feelings of happiness and fulfillment. Indeed, there are plenty of studies that confirm this from a scientific point of view. In fact, scientists believe our brains are hardwired to be social and that our development as a species relied on our ability to maintain strong bonds. But although we live surrounded by people, loneliness and isolation are still some of the biggest social challenges of the 21st century. Indeed, researchers have noted that one can have a wide social network and interact regularly with others and still feel lonely or disconnected. This suggests that intimacy is a key factor in the development of meaningful connections with others. So, here are five easy intimacy exercises that can help deepen the connection you have with your partner and all the other important people in your life. 1. Meditation Meditation is a fabulous tool that can help you achieve greater awareness and connection with the world that surrounds us. Several studies have found that regular meditation practice has a positive effect on close relationships and helps develop a stronger sense of intimacy. According to these studies, there are several reasons why meditation works: first of all, meditation makes us more accepting of our own flaws, so we can easily become more forgiving of others. Secondly, meditation improves our ability to separate thoughts from emotions and makes us less 'reactive', so we can continue working on developing closeness, despite ups and downs in our relationships. Meditation helps deepen connections with others Shou-yi is a lesser-known form of meditation that comes from the Taoist tradition. The name itself means “to embrace the one”, so it's easy to see why this intimacy exercise can help deepen a connection with others. Shou-yi brings to the forefront of your mind the fact that in one way or another, we are all interconnected and interdependent. This technique is also known as “quiet sitting” and involves contemplative meditation based on Taoist philosophy: Sit down with your back straight Visualise the five 'yin organs', or bodily parts where energy resides: the liver, heart, spleen, lungs and kidneys. This could be compared to a body scan meditation, where you focus on one body part at the time Each yin organ has a colour associated to it. Liver is azure, the heart is a vivid red, the spleen is yellow, lungs are white and kidneys are dark blue. Focus on the relevant colour as you move through each body part According to Taoist scriptures, these colours also correspond to the five elements: wood (azure), fire (red), earth (yellow), metal (white) and water (dark blue) Visualize the flow between body parts, colours and elements The goal of this technique is to achieve a deep insight into oneness and bring a deep sense of harmony between humans, the earth and the cosmos. Once you are in the 'oneness mindset', it becomes easier to look at the forest instead of getting distracted by the trees (other people’s habits and traits that bother us). After all, there is a reason why Taoist philosophy has been used for peacebuilding and conflict management purposes. 2. Loving-kindness meditation A second intimacy exercise to help deepen connection is loving-kindness meditation (LKM). The ultimate goal of LKM is to strengthen compassion, love and appreciation for other beings, so it's an ideal technique to improve intimacy. RELATED: How to Improve Intimacy – 9 Techniques to Try A study of people who practised loving-kindness meditation for six weeks showed a reduction in the negativity levels of their relationships. Furthermore, participants reported having a stronger support network and felt increased happiness. The technique is also simple: Find a quiet space and choose a comfortable position Create a mantra, which should include good wishes towards others (for example: "May I be happy, healthy and free from harm. May you be happy, healthy and free from harm") Repeat the mantra in six stages: first direct it towards yourself, next towards someone who has had a positive effect in your life, then towards a relative or friend, next towards someone you feel neutral or have an occasional conflict with, then towards someone you dislike, and lastly, towards all beings While you repeat the mantra, picture those good wishes physically going from you to other people Here's another example of a loving kindness meditation by Jack Kornfield 3. Gratitude The third exercise is writing gratitude letters. Letting people know we value them and care for them can improve our relationship with others, since we become more likely to overlook people’s flaws, lessening any chance of conflict and helping us achieve a better appreciation of other people’s value. Gratitude letters can deepen connection because our feelings of gratitude are directly shown to the other person. This intimacy exercise has a strong impact on the quality of the relationship, as well as a lasting effect that can span several weeks, as shown by studies at the University of Pennsylvania. Even if you don't send the letter, putting your gratitude in writing makes you more aware of your positive emotions and is bound to make you feel closer to others. “Writing gratitude letters as an intimacy exercise can deepen connection because our feelings of gratitude are directly shown to the other person.” Gratitude letters work because when we direct our attention to gratefulness, we automatically divert it from toxic or negative emotions. And as some researchers have found, the benefits multiply over time, since cultivating an ongoing gratitude practice causes changes in brain activity in areas related to decision-making, meaning that there is a link between gratitude feelings and how we act towards others. Say thanks: gratitude letters are a great intimacy exercise 4. Getting to know you exercise The fourth method on deepening connections is a 36-question exercise that you can use to understand others better and get a better picture of who they truly are. For this intimacy exercise, you'll need to set at least 45 minutes aside and take turns asking the questions that you can find here. RELATED: 6 Types of Intimacy And How to Cultivate Them Research at US universities has shown that this exercise is effective in helping deepen connection and closeness between people. This is because the exercise relies on mutual self-disclosure as opposed to small talk. Furthermore, it requires both sides to open up, providing a safe environment where there's no fear of feeling vulnerable or one-sided. 5. Mindful listening Devoting time to properly listening to others (instead of simply exchanging views or acknowledging information) is one of the best ways of showing we care for them. Mindful listening is an intimacy exercise that can also help increase empathy, because in doing so we get to understand better other people’s motives, needs and fears, gaining a more accurate picture of who they are as human beings. “Meditation practice has a positive effect on close relationships and helps develop a stronger sense of intimacy.” So, next time you have a conversation with a partner or friend, focus on what they're saying without judging or interrupting, and do your best to be present in the moment, being supportive and receptive. It's also useful to have some guidelines in mind: Suspend assumptions Suspend judgement Suspend status (communicate on an equal-to-equal basis) Honour confidentiality Honour silence Deep listening works because by not being judgmental and overlooking differences in opinion, others feel more inclined to trust us. Overall, mindful listening improves the quality of our relationships and sets a solid foundation for authentic interpersonal encounters. Listen and learn: deep listening equals deeper connections The benefits of deeper intimacy We live in a society that's increasingly individualistic, so it's always good to remember the benefits of crafting a deeper connection with others and of cultivating intimacy in relationships. The benefits are both physical and emotional: being able to connect with others at a deeper level generates empathy, which has been proven to give a sense of purpose and to strengthen the immune system. Other studies show that stronger connectedness with others is a key component of our support system, can lower stress and anxiety levels, and has been linked to lower heart disease rates. Of course, lasting closeness, intimacy and loyalty will not come automatically. There is no magic pill when it comes to deepening your connection with others, but the five intimacy exercises we have discussed here are a good starting point that can help your enjoy richer and more meaningful relationships. ● happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support in our happiness forum Relationship advice | Communication skills | Learning Written by Dee Marques A social sciences graduate with a keen interest in languages, communication, and personal development strategies. Dee loves exercising, being out in nature, and discovering warm and sunny places where she can escape the winter.